Disclaimer: Snape doesn't belong to me. He belongs to JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing him, and I apologize in advance for what I put him through in this fic. Warning: There's some violence and semi-disturbing stuff in here. Sorry about that.
Dedication: I can't, in all honesty, dedicate this to anyone. I'm sorry. But thank you for reading.
Author's Note: I wrote this after receiving some very bad news, I apologize if it takes a turn for the dark, but that's how I felt and I needed to release. I am sorry to Sev, for putting him through all of this, but it was his chapter. If I had been on a Remus chapter, I would have put him through something equally bad. There's no song lyrics with this one, cause there's no lyrics that would possibly fit it.
Someday out of the Blue
Chapter 5
Severus Snape stared down morosely into the wine glass he held in his hand. He swirled the dark red liquid around, frowning into it. It sparkled and glittered, highlights illuminated by the fire. At some angles it looked almost black, at others: the color of blood. It tasted of fire as well, due to various spices Snape had laced it with. They helped him...relax. It was not often that the potions maser was able to relax, especially not these days. He could feel the tension inside of him, feel the knots and kinks in his shoulders and spine. They ached, a dull throbbing pain. It mirrored the pain in his head. He seemed to have a perpetual headache, never ending and tormenting. When had it started? He didn't even know.
It probably had something to do with Lupin. The bastard...not that he had actually done anything, but his mere presence was enough to upset Snape. And the fact that he was so upset over it also bothered him.
//I have more then one old lover, and not a single one irks me the way Remus Lupin does.// Snape's lips curled, just thinking of the man. But a small part of his mind taunted him. The alcohol had brought it out, and Snape wanted it silenced. He did his best to ignore it, but at times like these...
//You've ex lovers yes, but how many have you loved?//
He gripped the stem of the wine glass tightly at that thought. Love? How could anyone love a beast? An animal, a monster...Snape's blood boiled at the thought. And to think...he had let that *creature* touch him, and...no. He wouldn't think of it. He had lived most of his life *not* thinking about that particular fact. Why had he done it? Because he had loved Lupin then. When he thought that Lupin was nothing more then a shy, gentle young man who had loved him...how wrong he had been.
//But wasn't that better then how it could have been?// The voice in his mind persisted. //At least at the *time* you loved him. And you thought he loved you. And he was gentle...//
There was that. Regardless of anything else that had happened, Remus Lupin had always been tender. He was one of the only people who had ever treated Snape with any kindness. His voice, his words, his touch...But he would not think of that. He could not think of that...but it was there, already. He could still remember Lupin's hands, skin, lips...he did not want to think of that!
//*She* certainly wasn't too pleased.// That brought a wry smile to Snape's lips. But brought back memories he'd rather not think about. He had done things in his past that he was ashamed of. But what choice had he had? Would he rather have starved to death? *She* certainly hadn't cared, and had proved that time and time again.
~Summer, after 5th year~
" 'Ere, hand me that cloth, luv." Amelia Snape jerked her head in the direction of her son, hardly able to get up from the filthy mattress where she lay.
"Yes, mum." Severus gave his mother the rag, his eyes cold as he regarded her. She was bruised, as usual, and her blouse was stained.
"An don't give me that cheek! If'n ye'd send some o'your earning's my way, it wouldna be like this." She glared at him, scrubbing at her hands. There was dried blood on them, Severus didn't know from where and quite frankly didn't care. He went back to the rickety table, the most stable piece of furniture in the room. He was counting out notes and coins, while his mother did her best to clean up from the night before.
"My money is my money." Severus said, dryly. A fair amount, he supposed. He nearly had enough to cover his school expenses. Once he had enough for that...
"Oi, and how'd yeh like it if I said that, eh?" She sneered, getting unsteadily to her feet. She was a rake thin woman, with black hair and dull gray eyes. Her features were thin and pinched, and had once been pretty. But now her skin had a greyish cast, and hung on her frame loosely.
"Mother, I never saw a cent until I started making it myself." Severus said, the same dry tone. That earned him a slap, which he hardly acknowledged.
"Don' talk to me like that!" Amelia railed. "I brung ye into this world, ye know! I've fed yeh, clothed yeh, put a roof over yer head..."
"No you haven't." Severus said, organizing his money. "Whatever food we had, I stole. The same with clothing. As for this roof...we live in an abandoned building. We have no door, and trash bags for window panes. No heat, no clean water, and no electricity. So I wouldn't be bragging about ny of that, if I were you." He pocketed the bills and coins, stuffing them into the pockets of his worn, ripped jeans.
"Shut yer mouth, yeh bastard brat." Amelia hissed, sinking into a chair. "I'm still yer mum, I own yeh. Ought to sell yeh to a brothel. Yer pretty enough, look like a gel. Surprised yeh don't make more money on the streets, lookin the way yeh do."
"You wouldn't get much for me at a brothel, mother." Severus sounded almost bored. How many times had he and his mother had this conversation? Nearly every day. 'I ought to sell yeh to a brothel, they pay good money fer pretty virgins.' Even though the threat did hold some truth behind it, Severus was used to it.
"An why not? Yeh obviously have some idea of what yer doing. And they pay right nice fer pretty young virgins."
"I'm not a virgin anymore mother." That ought to shut her up.
"What? Why'd yeh go and do a stupid thing like that for? An yeh just gave it away, I bet!" That earned him a slap on the back of his head, sharp and brief. He gritted his teeth, but did nothing to retaliate or defend himself.
"I did. So you will be making no profit off of my innocence." He pulled out one of his school books, and opened it, staring down blankly at a random page.
"You made a mistake, boy, a big one. You could have made a real profit off of yer cherry. Was it worth it, then? Yeh happy with who ye gave it to?"
Severus didn't answer. He stared harder at the book, though he immediately forgot all about engorging charms the moment he had finished reading them. Was he *happy* with whom he had first slept with? He had been...until he found out the man was not even a man, but an animal. //Remus Lupin is nothing but a beast. A beast who used me, and then tried to kill me. To think I let him touch me...let him...// Severus shuddered at the thought.
"Yeh aren't!" Amelia cackled. "Ha! Well, I hoped yeh learned yer lesson."
"Yes mother." Severus just wished the woman would shut up. He had very little feeling for her...save a certain warped sense of duty to her because she was his mother.
"Now maybe ye'll be a bit more willing to make the real money, eh?" She prodded him with a bony finger, and Severus waved her away.
"What I do is none of your business."
"Actually it is, pet." Amelia leered. "Seein' as how we're in the same business...one whore to another..."
"That is enough!" Severus stood up quickly, slamming his book down. "I'm going out!" He raked his shoulder length hair out of his eyes and stormed out of the room-he couldn't call it a house-and out into the hot London summer.
They lived in what was the worst part of London. You couldn't go five feet without running into a drug dealer, a hooker, a pick pocket or worse...it was downright depressing. Severus paid them no attention, he had grown up with him. He knew them for what they were, they knew him for what he was. Amelia's bastard brat, the drunk hookers get, following in the dumb bitch's footsteps. He took out a cigarette and lit it, on one smooth motion. Remus had never liked the fact that he smoked. Well, Severus didn't like the fact that Remus was a lying beast.
"Heya, Runt."
That was what they called him. The group of teens that had once been his friends. Before Hogwarts. Then he had gone off and become 'learned', as they put it. Now he was too good for them, and they did their best to make his life miserable. And they were far crueler then Black and his gang.
"Shove off." Severus muttered, he attempted to shove by Davis, one of the smaller boys, but found his arms trapped by Smith and O'Brien. They were all stronger and rougher then Severus, having grown through their teen years on the mean streets of London, not Hogwarts.
"Oh, out to make a few pounds, eh? We always had ye figured fer a queer." Davis, though small, was the leader of the small gang. He was a short boy, with dirty brown hair and mean blue eyes. His face was round and scarred, and he was wiry. Smith and O'Brien were both big boys, more brains them muscle. They reminded him a bit of Black, come to think of it...
"Never did like queers..." Smith rumbled, tightening his grasp on Severus' arm. //Wonderful. The day just can't get any better// he thought sarcastically.
"Neither did I." O'Brien echoed.
"Oh, I dunno." Davis cocked his head to the side, a malicious grin spreading over his features. "They're always good for *something*..."
Severus tensed, sucking in his breath quickly. They wouldn't...not even to...they were sick bastards, but not that sick...he started to struggle, twisting his arms and wrenching his body.
"Really?" Smith scrunched his face up.
"Yeah...we can beat the shit out of him."
"Oh, good idea!" O'Brien grinned like a maniac, and Severus turned his head away from foul breath and bad teeth. Almost as soon as the words were out of the big man's mouth, Davis landed a swift punch in Severus' stomach. He grunted, the air pushed out of him by the blow. He doubled up, probably would have fallen if it weren't for the two other boys holding him up. Davis changed the angle of his arm, his fist connecting with Severus' chin, making him see stars before his eyes. The pain was intense, and he let out a sharp cry. His arms were being wrenched back, and Davis punched him again in the stomach. He could hardly breath, and he felt blood in his mouth.
"Oi, yer not hitting'im hard enough!" O'Brien called out. Severus squirmed, kicking out violently. One of his knees connected with Davis, and the other boy let out a yelp.
"Oh, that's it. You're gonna bleed, Runt." Davis let fly with a quick series of punches. Severus' stomach, jaw and cheek. Bright red spots blossomed before his eyes, and he had to spit out blood. He had bitten his tongue, and it throbbed inside of his mouth. Funny that the one thing he focused on was his tongue, it as the most minor of his hurts. One of the others-he didn't know whether it was O'Brien or Smith at this point-adjusted his grip on Severus to join in. The young wizard let out a choked gasp as he felt the pain in his back.
They worked him over well. He could hardly feel his body by the time they were done. They dropped him, and he saw Davis had blood on his hands. It was his blood. He was bleeding in more places then one now. They kicked him a few times in the ribs, and he curled up on himself as best he could. He could hear them laughing as they left him there, bleeding on the side of the street. No one offered him help, and no gave him a second glance. Things like that were a common enough site in this part of town. It was hours before he was able to pull himself together enough to crawl home.
****
"Yer own damn fault." Amelia said, shaking her head. "Now yer well enough, get your arse out of here. I need to work..."
"Work." Severus scoffed, lifting himself delicately off of the mattress. He was still sore, but the cheap whiskey had dulled some of the pain. He was pretty certain a few of his ribs were cracked, but there was nothing he could do about it. His head, back and arms ached. He stood, unsteadily, wincing at the pain in his side. He brushed back his hair, flinching. It was stuck to his face by blood, and stung as it was pulled away. He staggered over to the cracked mirror and chipped basin, to wash his face. He blanched when he saw himself in the mirror. He had a black eye, and the left side of his face was swollen and bruised. His lip was split, and there was still blood trickling out of his mouth. He washed the blood off of his face, wincing with every movement.
"Get yerself out of here!" Amelia screeched. Severus just scowled at her. He gritted his teeth, crossing the room. His jeans and T-shirt were black, the blood didn't show up on them. He supposed he wasn't in too bad a shape, he could still pull in a few pents. There were some who preferred them battered...he shuddered, pulling out another cigarette. The smoke burnt his throat, but it felt good anyway. He ignored the cat calls, used to them by now. The hookers found him amusing. The women anyway. He took up his usual place, leaning against the broken lamp post for support. He wanted to pass out.
//I could fall over and choke to death on my own blood, and she'd probably be glad of it. No, because then she'd have to find someone else to steal her food for her.// Severus shoved his hands deep into his pockets, his head lowered to stare at the cracks in cement. It was a slow night. he was looked over once or twice, but he supposed he was a bit too bloodied. That earned him quite a few insults, and a slap or two.
//And Remus wonders why I hate muggles so much?// Severus allowed himself a dry chuckle. //Beaten, bruised, bought and sold...I'm nothing but a thing to them all. I suppose I'm not much more then a thing to Remus and his ilk either. Lucius may not like me all that much, but at least he treats me like a person. So do the rest of my fellow Slytherins. Why in hell did my father ever sleep with that whore? Not only is she cheap and dirty, she's a muggle. He couldn't have been a Slytherin...//
Thoughts such as those kept Severus occupied, until the first rays of morning began to creep over the rooftops. He was stiff and in more pain then before, but that wasn't all that different then any other day spent home.
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Chapter 6 coming!
