Disclaimer: Snape and Lupin don't belong to me. I am only borrowing them!

Dedication: For anyone who is still reading this. :-)

Author's Note: Wow. 6 whole chapters. And to think, I had no idea where I was going. This bit came to me in the middle of the night while I was trying to go to sleep. It just was there, in my mind, so I leapt up and started writing. Not as sad as some of the prior parts, don't worry! Just the usual angst these two can't seem to get away from. :-)

Someday Out of the Blue

Chapter 6

//Some day out of the blue//

//Maybe years from now//

//Or tomorrow night//

//I'll turn and I'll see you//

//As if we always knew//

//Some day we would live again, some day soon//

//Now I know what Tantalus felt like. To have the thing he most wanted right there in front of him...to see it smell it, practically feel it beneath his fingers...and never be able to touch it.// Remus Lupin sighed to himself, picking at his food with his fork. He kept sneaking covert glances out of the corner of his eye at Severus Snape, who was-by either coincidence or cruel fate-sitting next to him at the faculty table. It was like a force was drawing his eyes to the other man, and in a way that's exactly what it was.

//What is it they say about pain being the same as pleasure? Or maybe it was sweet torture...well whatever the saying is, I have to disagree.// Lupin made a face, deeply absorbed in his own thoughts. There was very, very little joy in Snape's proximity. Mostly it was a bitter pain, knowing that he was right there but may as well be miles away. Lupin could do nothing about it. Except glance, and remember.

But there was a certain warmth that came with being so close to him. It wasn't any real comfort though. In fact, that little bit of warmth hurt Lupin more then anything else. That *knowing*. This was the only person he would ever love...

"My lord man, what are you staring at?"

Lupin was snapped out of his own thoughts by the clipped, articulate voice. Apparently his covert glances had been neither covert nor just glances.

"My apologies, Severus." Lupin said, with a soft smile. "I was lost in my thoughts." Always polite, always unassuming. It was easier that way. He had learned to never draw attention to himself.

"Kindly turn your thoughts in another direction." Snape snapped, black eyes glittering dangerously. Lupin continued his soft smile, nodding and looking back to his plate.

//Oh yes, very subtle.// He told himself, forcing down some food. It stuck like glue in the back of his throat, and he found it hard to swallow. He wasn't very hungry, but it was getting close to the full moon. He needed his strength, wherever he could glean it from.

The full moon. Snape would be there, bringing the potion that eased the pain and ferocity of the transformation. And it would be all Lupin could do not to throw himself at the man and ravage him.

//I can't even have a normal sex life.// Lupin brooded. It was the moon...the closer it got, the more powerful his sex drive got. The night before the full moon it was almost unbearable...a driving need that practically consumed him. Years of going through it every month had taught Lupin to control it, repress it...but with his mate so close...well, it would be very difficult.

//I wonder what he'd do, if I just jumped on him?// He mused, a small smile curving his lips. It was an interesting thought, but nothing more then idle fancy. He would no more go at Snape in lust then he would in anger, it simply wasn't in his nature. A wilder man may, but not Remus Lupin. He had spent nearly all his life trying to tame the wolf that he was. It couldn't be done, not completely, but he could try. Meditation, mental exercises...it all went to keeping himself calm. And as far as he could tell he'd done a good job of it.

//This is ridiculous.// Lupin thought to himself, putting his fork down with a sudden sense of determination. He looked over at Snape again, who was bent over his plate, not paying much attention to anything else. He seemed to have acquired a permanent scowl. //We need to talk about this. *I* need to talk about this. I've tried, but he just won't listen. I have to get him to listen...//

"Severus?" He said, his voice mild and polite.

"Mmm?" The potions master looked up, eyebrow raised and scowl in full force.

"I would like to speak to you, if that would be possible?" //Damn it, Remus, don't ask him, *tell* him!//

"There is nothing I wish to speak to you about." Cold words, spat out in a frigid voice.

"I know. But there's something *I* wish to speak to *you* about." Lupin said His voice was as even as ever, but he tried to push as much pleading and hurt into his eyes as possible. Everyone had always told him his eyes were very expressive...and Snape had once been very moved by a pair of wide, golden eyes...

"I will be seeing you tomorrow night." Snape said briskly. "If I have a moment..."

"That would be fine, thank you." Same polite smile, eyes full of gratitude. It was far more then Lupin had hoped for...he had expected a curt dismissal, perhaps a scalding remark. Snape was so good at scalding remarks...

~Hogwarts, 2 years prior~

Remus Lupin sat in his office, head cradled in his hands. He had a raging headache, and his eyes were watering from the pain. He hadn't had one like this in a while. He chalked it up to the impending full moon, and the newly acquired strain from teaching. He had never been a teacher before, and was finding it a learning experience for not only his students, but himself as well. Luckily he seemed suited to it. He had often been called upon to tutor in his school years, and teaching was really just tutoring a whole lot of people at once.

The door to his office creaked open, and Lupin forced himself to look up, wincing at the slight pain the light hitting his eyes brought He expected a student, looking for help with homework or some such, and had been quite surprised to see Severus Snape standing there. They had not spoken since the start of term banquet, and that had been a curt-and required-greeting. But Lupin was certain, with a little time, things would sort themselves out. Perhaps now...

Something inside of Lupin felt a great spread of warmth, but he quelled it. He hadn't seen Severus since graduation, and the parting had been none too friendly. A brief congratulations, a declined hand shake, and they had gone their separate ways. But even that was a cherished memory, compared to the years of bitter solitude that had followed.

How the years had changed Severus...Lupin remembered a beautiful young man, tall and lean with arching cheekbones, soft thick black hair that shone like a ravens wing, pale skinned and bright eyed...this man bore little resemblance to the boy Lupin remembered. This man was lean...too lean. His skin had a sallow cast, his eyes were dull, and his hair was limp and uncared for. What had happened, to change him so?

"Sev..." The pet-name escaped Lupin's lips as he rose, eyes full of concern for Severus.

"Call me that again and I'll make a rug of you." Snape snapped, eyes narrowing. "I am here to discuss your...affliction." The word was spat out, as though it left a bad taste in Severus' mouth.

"Of course." Lupin nodded, feeling as though someone had hit him hard in the gut. So that was the way it would be...the hate was as strong as ever, it seemed. "Please, sit down." Lupin himself sat back in his chair, his face schooled into the usual polite mask he put up for the world.

"No, thank you." Snape remained standing, his eyes gleaming slightly with haughtiness and conceit. Lupin noticed now the goblet in his hand, and understood. "I trust you are aware of the Wolfsbane potion?"

"Yes. Dumbledore explained it to me when he asked me on." Lupin smiled a bit in memory. To be told of a potion that would render him harmless in his wolf state...it was like a dream come true. And that that would allow him a position and all that it entailed! Rooms, three meals a day, pay...it was more then he had ever dreamed of.

"Mmmm. I have agreed to make it for you. You must remember to take it..."

"Severus, you have no idea how eager I am to try it." Lupin said softly. Snape looked thrown off for a moment, perhaps surprised by the pain in Lupin's voice, or perhaps thrown back in memory...

"Yes, well...I just wanted to make sure you understand if you do not take the potion and cause...an *accident*, I am in no way responsible. I also brought you your potion." He walked further into the room and placed the steaming goblet on the desk. "Take it."

Lupin frowned at it, suddenly very afraid. What if something went wrong? What if it didn't work? What if...but he forced himself to ignore all of that. Severus had a brilliant mind when it came to potions, and would certainly not purposefully prepare the potion wrong...taking a deep breath, Lupin reached for the goblet, raising it to his lips.

//Focus on the potion, not it's creator.// He told himself, nose assaulted by the foul odor of the potion. He was glad of his headache, it helped him ignore feelings and stirrings that were caused by Severus' presence. Even in his current state, Lupin still found him beautiful. Closing his eyes, he tipped the goblet...

It was like fire in his throat. It was the most foul and acrid thing he had ever tasted. *This* was supposed to help? He gagged on it, his toros pitching forward as he was wracked by coughing spasms. His throat burned, and there was a foul taste in his mouth that made his eyes water. He could *feel* the potion traveling through him, burning it's way through his body...

"Strong?" Snape asked, his tone amused. Lupin looked up from under a curtain of hair, trying to force some amusement into his eyes.

"Just a bit." He said, rasping as he thumped his chest. He sat up strait, raking his tawny and silver hair out of his face. He saw Snape was smiling, a cruel little smile. //Still as petty as ever...// Lupin was tempted to say the though aloud, but thought better of it. If he wanted any chance of rekindling something-anything!-with Severus, he would have to be very, very careful...

"You should take more tomorrow." Snape said briskly, retrieving the goblet. "If you'll excuse me..."

And with a sweeping-over dramatic, in Lupin's mind-turn, Severus left the office. Lupin sighed, his throat still sore, and shook his head. That could have gone far better. But, on the other hand, it could have gone far worse. With a sad little smile, Lupin turned his attention to grading papers...

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