Weeping Willow
Revised version


" I can't believe I've been touched by an angel
With love
"
~"A New Day Has Come", Celine Dion

Chapter 10:

As Willow and Folken walked back to the house, Willow felt as if she was going to burst from anxiety. Folken pretty much knew everything about her now from her unique tastes and quirks to an in-depth concept of her history. It was starting to frighten her. How could he stand her? She'd spent a good portion of her life writing just to get herself onto paper so that maybe someone could understand the mass of emotions and memories that composed her, she'd tried to understand herself, and wanted to be understood, but none of it made sense. The strange thing was that as he began to see and hear her memories he was slowly but surreal beginning to understand her, perhaps more than she understood herself. It scared her. Not because she was afraid of him, but because she was afraid of herself.

Still, she couldn't wait to tell Folken about being able to go back to Fanelia, he would be so overwhelmingly joyous, but she also couldn't help the bit of doubt that wrapped its way around her. So instead Willow just walked in silence, her hands in her pockets and her head hung low.

Folken noticed her meditative position and decided to honor her silence. He simply kept a steady pace beside her, watching as she sighed and continued walking, only watching her feet. Every step he took was like driving a dagger into his heart, gods she'd been through so much crap... He wanted to kill the boy he'd seen in her memories, wanted to strangle the doctors for not asking more questions anyone who hadn't told her what it would do to her heart. He swore mentally and sighed.

He worried about her, worried about how she seemed to drift out of consciousness and into some other realm in her mind. He wished he could climb in her head and see everything she did, he wished she would completely open up to him, he had thought she had but he knew that there were many other facets to her that he couldn't see. More than anything else her wanted to understand her, wanted to be able to look into her face and know exactly what she was thinking and feeling; he wanted to hold her for the rest of eternity and he wanted her to feel the same.

He remembered what she had told him earlier that day.

"Folken I'm like I sponge."

"A sponge?"

"Yeah, a sponge. I soak up so much and keep it in me but all it take is a little coaxing and I can create something amazing."

He had chuckled at her thought but now he dwelt on it.

'She has hidden pockets and grooves too, where she keeps thing she doesn't want people to see, it'll take wringing her out to make her give up on harboring them.' He shuddered at the thought as they walked through the field and into the yard.

"Willow."

"Folken?"

"Do you want to talk?"

"Not now, I just want to be alone for a while okay?"

Folken nearly fell over, how long had he been here? Nearly three weeks he was sure of it, and he had hardly ever left her side, now he realized she needed some time to herself.

'Of course she wants to be alone, she lived alone until you came, she needs her space.' He scolded himself.

"All right, I'll be out here on the hammock if you need me."

"Thank you Folken." She murmured her thanks and went into the house, moments later he saw her up on the roof and knew she was going to the hide out in the tree.

"Oh, Willow, what will it take to get you out of that tree? To come down and let me love you like you deserve?" He sighed and leaned back in the hammock, swaying in the breeze.

Folken examined his upgraded arm, the metal shined in the sunlight and he winced in disgust, the sight of it sickened him. It testified to his weakness and he detested it. But WIllow, she'd accepted it, accepted the part of him that wasn't perfect, even been so caring as to help him with it... but still.... If he had beaten the dragon he'd be king and Van would be happy, his mother would still be alive. If Dornkirk hadn't taken him in and contorted his thinking, putting twisted theology into his mind then Gaea would have remained peaceful, without him Naria and Eyria would not have died... So much could have been avoided.

If only he had beaten the dragon, if only Dornkirk had not found him... then he wouldn't be here. Then Willow would have one less thing to worry about… but would it really have been better? He knew the answer, no. Had he beaten the dragon Van would not have gone to the Mystic Moon he would have never fallen in love with Hitomi… they were probably happily married by now. Besides, if Dornkirk hadn't't taken him he would have taken someone else… he thought for a moment.

What if Dornkirk had used the fate alteration to cause him to lose his arm?… then it was all in his plan… all a twisted power struggle that didn't 't care who it harmed. Still if Folken hadn't't proved to be what Dornkirk wanted then someone else would have. If he had not been in Zaibach he would have never been able to rescue Naria and Eyria from death when they were young. If he'd never had reason to oppose Dornkirk as he did then he would have never found out about the Guardian, he would have never met Willow, and he would be a very sad lonely person. But his mother wouldn't be dead if he'd returned, he could only blame himself for that and he did so harshly.

"Its my fault she came to look for me."

He stared up at the clouds.

'But if Dornkirk had altered my fate to cause my failure… then it was his fault. All the better that he's dead.' Folken sighed and grew very quiet, listening to the sounds around him. As he lay there a soft melody floated over him and he realized that Willow was singing. He strained his ears until he could hear the words.

...I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear...

"Willow..." He gave a melancholy sigh and felt the ridge over his brows begin to ache with an anxiety headache.

...Through darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you...

He let a moan slip through his lips, he knew she was signing in need, desire, love, pain and joy. And wasn't even the lyrics, how ever appropriate they seemed, it was her voice, gods how he could listen to the sweet melodies that floated past those sweet lips forever.

...I can't believe I've been touched by an angel
With love...

He sat up now, in shock at not only her words but the slight tremble in her voice as it floated on the afternoon breeze. "I'm no angel Willow" He muttered, rubbing his temples. "gods I don't deserve her, I can't even hear her voice without nearly loosing it..."

...Where it was dark now there is light
Where there was pain, now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy ...

Her words, her voice, it was all threatening to hurl him over the edge and he ground his teeth as he bit back the sobs that were wrenching his throat. Something about her just tore down every defense he'd every built up from people.

...Hush now...

His walls were crumbling as surely as hers were "Why?" he choked out, "can't she see I'm unworthy of her, I could never be everything she needs..."

...I can't believe I've been touched by an angel
With love ...

"Love," he spat half bitterly, "gods, Willow, love..." He let a tear slide over his cheek unnoticed.

Let the rain come down
And wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul
And drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls
For a new sun
A new day has... come

Could it really be true? Could they both begin anew? Oh how he hoped! How he dreamed! 'If only....' no, he was through with "if"s It only left doubts and unfulfilled hopes.
let it shatter the walls
For a new sun
A new day has... come

How he wanted to gather her to him now! He wanted to bury his nose in her hair, to feel her arms around him, it was almost a physical ache, that pulled at him as if trying to draw him to her.

...I see a light in your eyes
All in the eyes of a boy
A new day
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel
With love...

He laid back on the hammock, it was all a bit much... His head was swimming with sweat intoxication and frightening distress.

...I can't believe I've been touched by an angel
With love...

'I wish she could see that she's MY angel, because I most certainly don't feel like one..' A broken sigh made it past his lips as he turned away from the house to lay on his left side.
He heard her feet patter over the top of the house softly.

"Folken?"
"Yes." He murmured, trying to act as if he'd been half asleep.
"Are you okay?" She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She gazed down at him, holding her upper arms as if trying to hold herself together.
He could feel her gaze on him, and the concern in her voice, and had to admit to himself that he knew her more intimately than he'd ever known anyone else before Even more he knew she could see through him, and even feel the desperation that was clawing at him.
"I will be just fine Willow." He Murmured and rolled over to look up at her
"I want to talk to you" Her voice was barely audible but the breeze carried it down to him. "Could you come up here? "She murmured, looking tentatively to her left and the right.
He knew what she was implying that he fly up to her and he simply nodded and let his large wings spread from his back. He landed swiftly on the roof and gathered her into his arms before taking a few quick strides to the opposite edge and plunging down into the willow tree. As the fronds began to settle from their ambush his knees felt like they would give out in a matter of minutes so he quickly set her on her feet. He took a ragged breath and turn a quarter turn, offering her his left profile.

"Willow, what could you want of this unworthy one?" He braced his forehead in his right hand, slightly marveled at the slightly soft touch the cool metal offered, though the outlandish claws remained. She simply watched him, he could feel her eyes on him, the way they trembled and he could see the expression on her face, as though he were gazing into her eyes. "Willow..." He turned and saw Willow sitting with her knees hugged to her chest, this both frightened and surprised him. He took a swift step and knelt before her.
"Willow, don't shut me out." He whispered and carefully took her arms from around her knees. He forced her to let her body relax, moving behind her he softly massaged her shoulders and back.
"Now, tell me what is bothering you so much. I told you to tell me everything, please don't deny me." He tilted her chin back as he pulled her into his lap and gazed into her eyes for a moment.
"Folken, just listen for a minute, okay?" She gently pulled his arms tighter around her and he sucked in a breath as he fought his body to keep from reacting. "What I need most right now is for you to hold me. I need to be held and shown that I'm loved, to feel your arms around me, that's what I need okay? So, just hold me." Folken was both shocked and aroused with her straightforwardness, it gave him a strange feeling of possessiveness. And it assured him that her barriers were being taken down, slowly but surely he was breaking through.
"Oh beloved, I can hold you as long and as much as you'll let me." He brought his left hand to her face, he stroked her cheek with his palm and caught her chin with his fingers and tipped her head so she looked at him. "Have I made it perfectly clear that I love you yet?"

The look that shimmered in her eyes told him he had but her silence forced him onward. "No? What about this?" He softly brought his lips to hers and gave her a slow, soft kiss and she melted in his arms.
"You see Willow, it is the one thing that comes naturally to me when I hold you or even hear your voice, to love you." She looked into his eyes, and knew she could not live without him.
"Oh, Folken, I didn't mean it that way." She whispered, laying her head on his shoulder.
"Than what did you mean?"
"I meant I need your touch, it makes me feel... alive, and I know that I can live each moment. Even to have you hold my hand makes me tremble inside."
Folken tightened his embrace. "And when I hold you like this?" Somehow he needed to hear her voice, needed to her her words
"I feel like I'm on fire and freezing all at the same time."
"Come on Willow, you can be more expressive than that, I've read your books, I know what you can do with words." Folken stood with her in his arms and then sat her feet on the platform. He pulled her tightly into his embrace, softly running his hands over the curves of her body. "Now what do you feel?" He whispered.
"Loved." That one word was enough to send his senses spinning. "Although I still don't see why."
"Willow, you complete me, I can't live with out you, what else could I do but love you?"
"I don't know."

They fell silent for a while and Folken gathered her warmly into him, gently comforting her.
"Folken, what exactly did you see?" She whispered, her fingers tracing the ridges of both of his hands
"I saw you, sitting in a waiting room and he was there. I heard him telling you the only thing you could do was have an abortion. I saw you crying and heard you whisper that you didn't't want to. I wanted to kill him, tear him to shreds right there. I wanted to enfold you in my arms, but my hand just passed right through you. Willow, I saw you put your hand to your womb and mourn. Then the nurse came and you went into the surgery without anesthesia. I followed into the room and saw you gripping the armrests with all your strength. I watched as your child fell from your womb, when the doctor left I sat at your feet and mourned. I nearly died from grief as I realized what this could mean." Folken tipped her face up to look into his. "And I loved you even more than I had before." Willow tried to turn away but he didn't let her. He could feel her trembling, knew that she was fighting with herself.
"Willow, it wasn't your fault! You were raped and forced to give up your own flesh and blood. But don't you understand? I want to give you a new chance, a new family, a new life. Please Willow, don't cry any more!" He let go of her chin and buried his face in the hair that fell over her shoulder.
Willow pulled out of his grasp and turned, nuzzling into the crook of his neck.
"Folken, I don't deserve anything you give me."
"Yes you do, everything and more."
She shook her head.
"Willow, if there is one of us who doesn't deserve the other it is me..." He ground out between his teeth. "I'm no angel Willow."
Her eyes widened with realization that he'd heard her and then she blushed brightly. He smiled lightly at this, seeing the redness in her cheeks out of the corner of his eyes.
"But you're my angel..." She tenderly placed a kiss to the sensitive spot where his neck met his shoulders.
"And you're mine" be purred.
Willow felt lightly intoxicated with his embrace, she was wrapped in his scent, his touch, all of her senses were filled with him. But she remembered what she really wanted to talk to him about and a bit of joy stirred deeply in her heart, bubbling up until she could hardly contain herself, though it was sifted through a tough grid of doubt. "The guardian spoke to me, Folken" she whispered happily.

Folken blinked rapidly and gently pulled her away from he chest

"The Guardian told me that in two years you can go back, only there it will be two days after you left" Willow could feel his heart swelling, knew he was ready to burst from joy and felt his heartbreak as he came crashing back to reality.
"I will not go," he tightened his arms around her. "I will not... I cannot leave you."
She felt like she was on air, the strong tone of his voice made her want to cry and kiss him all at the same time.
"I wasn't finished." Folken felt his pulse begin to race again.
"You didn't let me finish," she laughed and touched the pad of her finger to the tip of his nose. "I convinced her that because we had identical pendants we should both be able to leave in two years." Folken's chest swelled with pride and contentment and a hearty laugh broke through his barriers.
"You argued with her didn't you?" she found his laugh contagious and couldn't help but giggle with him.
"Ye.ee.sss." She took a deep breath. "There's a catch though, I won't arrive until two years later." He stopped abruptly, a knot forming in his chest.
'Two years without you, my beloved... I'm not sure I can... No I will.' He let a breath hiss out between his teeth. "Willow, you are more than worth the wait. I couldn't live without you."
"Folken," She brought her hand to his cheek, gently holding his jaw. "I want to come to Fanelia, I want to stay with you forever, I want to grow old by your side, and see our children grow up in a kingdom where they'll learn their royal heritage."
Folken looked even deeper into her eyes. "Then say you will marry me Willow, two years from now come to Gaea and finally live a happily ever after instead of just dreaming and writing them." He gently pulled something from his pocket and forced it into her hand, with his still covering hers.
Willow couldn't hold back her tears of joy.
"Of course I'll marry you Folken, I only wish we didn't have to wait, I want to go now." She looked at her hand and he pulled his hand way to reveal a beautiful silver bracelet, a elegant dragon whose wings and tail would wrap delicately around her wrist. She gasped and he slid the opening over her wrist and gently bent the soft metal to the form of her wrist.
"Shh, time will pass soon enough." He murmured into her ear, gently kissing the tip.
Folken lifted her into his arms and then onto the roof, he climbed up after her to find she was already at the door to the house
"If you want something for dinner you have to catch me first!" With that she ran down the stairs and disappeared and he raced after her.
"Why catch you for dinner when I can just have you?" He laughed as he chased after her and he marveled at the thought. 'Laughing, I have not laughed like this since I was fifteen… Oh, how I miss Van...'


***

Later that evening Willow lay awake in bed, Folken was sleeping soundly beside her, his arm draped lightly around her waist, pulling her back against his chest. She stared at the wall, wishing she could sleep and forget everything that was bothering her. Her body was ready to give up but her mind was racing.

'Am I fit to be Princess? Most certainly not. Should I even marry Folken? Well, of course. Do I deserve him? No, that's for sure. Do I really want to leave? Can I really leave everything and go to Gaea? I don't know, it sure sounds nice. Do I really have a choice? No, my heart has already chosen to go.' Willow got up and pulled the blanket up around Folken's shoulders.

She marveled at his self control. 'He still hasn't touched me overtly sexually, he only holds me like I need to be held. I wonder how hard it is for him to keep from that.' She walked to the window and pulled her chair next to it, gazing at the night sky while the cool spring breeze wafted over her through the open window. 'Then again, he's probably disgusted with the concept of sex with me, after what he saw. I wonder whether it's disgust with me or the thought of doing something wrong to make me think of… that. Though I wouldn't blame him for either..'
She tapped a finger lightly against his wrist. 'I don't know why he'd ever want to marry someone like me,' she sighed. "Its strange, he's the first person I've been able to think of in such a way without sensing even a hint of fear or a flashback like a month ago, come to think of it I don't think it was even Folken who triggered it... Heck a part of me actually desires to... oh my...' a blush crept into her cheeks as an image of his defined body poised over hers, her hand exploring the bare flesh and toned muscles underneath her fingertips.....

She sighed again, realizing she was never going to get any sleep at this rate, so instead she crawled out of his embrace and left note folded on her pillow saying that she was outside. She pulled on a jacket and her slippers. Quietly she went out on the front porch and breathed in deeply, the smell of her evening flowers wafting over her. She remembered planting the bulbs so long ago so that she could enjoy these night blooming flowers. A moth landed on one of the white petals to drink the nectar and left covered in pollen to land on yet another flower.

'Thank you little moth, I'll have plenty of new bulbs at the end of the season if you keep it up.'

She walked out on to the sidewalk and headed down the street, wandering aimlessly, knowing she could find her way back if she needed to and that no one in this neighborhood would be threatening to her, they were all too nice. So many of them like Zara and Michael, with a peace and joy that she envied.

After coming to the end of the street she walked back towards her house and finally felt that she could sleep. She came up the steps to the house and then sat on the front porch swing, swaying in the breeze. She watched as the moths visited her flowers, beautiful white moths that looked like little fairies flitting about on the petals. Willow began to fall asleep but didn't bother to get up.

Folken had woken when she had gotten up, he had watched as she contemplated at the window and acted like he was sleeping when she left a note on her pillow. The moonlight had been enough that he could read it clearly and he waited for her to come back. He had seen her sitting on the swing and watching the moths but he let her be by herself. When she began to drift to sleep he gently moved outside, his bare feet padding lightly over the cool floorboards of the porch. she had stirred when he opened the front door and he could feel her heart flutter when she realized it was him. 'gods does everyone experience this when they're in love?' Somehow he knew that the pendants had something to do with how they experienced each others emotions but wasn't sure why or how.
"Willow" he whispered huskily. She lazily motioned for him to sit next to her on the swing. He did and then pulled her into his arms. She laid her head on his chest and listened to the gentle beat of his heart and the melody of night sounds.

Folken kissed the top of her head and drew in a deep breath. "Willow, you said you wished we didn't have to wait... what if... would you consider marrying me twice?" Her breath caught in her throat and for moment he was frightened that she would run from him.
"What do you mean?" She asked tentatively.
"I mean, here, in a few month or even a year, when ever you feel ready, we'll be married before we leave and then when we return to Fanelia we'll be married there just to appease the law and the Fanelian court. Oh please say yes Willow," he practically begged, "I fear my own weakness. I don't think I can live with you for two years without begin able to touch you. Yet, I cannot live without you" He gently brushed her cheek with his thumb, finding a stray tear there. He brought his hand away and looked at the small drop. "What's this for?" he asked gently.
"I'm amazed, Folken, I could swear you read my mind," she leaned heavily into his embrace and he gently kissed her.

"But, Folken, I've heard that..." she blushed, "a princess or queen must be... unchastened for the royal marriage bed, but that's just what I've heard..."
Folken let a small growl resonate from deep in his throat.
"You're right, by Fanelian law a princess or queen must be unchastened for the marriage bed." He ground the words between his teeth, desperate to change things. "By law if she isn't she becomes a disgrace and could even be banished and the marriage annulled." He was practically choking on his words and could feel Willow choking back her tears.

"But, Folken, I'm not unchasten," she whispered. Folken had long since realized his blunder and recoiled at his own lack of judgment.
"Oh, Willow, I don't care, if the court thinks you are unfit to be princess then they're very wrong. I can't think of anyone else who'd do better in that place. Don't worry no one needs to find out about your past, besides that is behind you and wasn't your fault." Folken tipped her chin up so she wasn't looking at the floor any more.
'I can't go, I don't deserve to marry him, I can't be a princess…' "Folken, maybe this isn't right, you can find someone else, go back to Fanelia and find someone to be your princess."
"You mean some one better than you?" He could sense her self worth steadily dropping, gods didn't she realize how precious she was to him?
"…Yes."
"Never."
Willow looked into his face and saw concern, he was pleading her and questioning her with a simple glance
"Willow, I cannot live with any one else! I would rather stay here, or even be banished from Fanelia again than lose you!"
"Yes, you could, I know you Folken, you could move on, you could do it, and be content."
"But I wouldn't be happy, I wouldn't be in love."
"No Folken, I don't deserve your love, don't you understand? Everyone I've loved has left, and I know it'll happen again, it always does." Willow looked away, unable to look into his face, let alone those cherry brandy eyes.
"Look at me Willow," Folken coaxed. She kept her gaze averted and tried to get her chin out of his grasp. He put a hand on either side of her face and knelt in front of her, his face only inches way from hers.
"Look in my eyes Willow, I'll break you of this if it takes all my life, I want you to feel comfortable looking in my eyes."
Willow struggled to take a ragged breath and looked up into his face, forcing herself to look in his eyes, when their gazes finally met, Folken smiled brightly.
'That dopey smile,' Willow couldn't help but smile back, 'I love that smile.'
"Folken, I…"
He cut off her words with his lips in a soft, warm kiss. It was short and Willow leaned towards him, putting her hands on his shoulders. Folken drew back slightly.
"You said everyone you've loved has left you, Willow, I assure you I cannot do that, I never will I promise."
"You won't intend to, but you will," she murmured.
"Never."
"But…"
"But nothing, I want to marry you, hell I want to marry you twice ! I want to live with you for the rest of my life, and I wont touch you until we are married."
Willow looked down.
"Please look into my eyes Willow." He both pleaded and demanded.
She looked at his forehead.
"You're still avoiding me, I've seen the way your eyes shimmer when you look into mine, I can tell." Folken scolded lightly and put his arms around her waist.
When she looked into his eyes he pulled closer to him. Her gaze stayed with his, for fear of further chastisement.
"Willow, you are really going to make these next months hard for me." Folken whispered into her golden locks, breathing in the scent of her, she smelled like a sweet strawberry, the kind that He remembered gathering with Van in Fanelia… and something he couldn't decipher, but he loved it, it was distinctly her.

Willow held him, clung to him for dear life, as if the second that he was out of her grasp he would be gone forever.
She memorized the feel of his arms around her, and of his toned muscles under her fingertips. She didn't want to ever let go, she just wanted him to hold her for eternity and tell her that he loved her, he really loved her.
Folken felt her relax in his arms and drew back to press his forehead lightly to hers.
"Willow, don't ever think that you don't deserve my love, you deserve every ounce I can give you and so much more than that."
"Less words, Folken, there's more meaning to me in your touch." Willow tipped her face and tentatively met his lip with hers. Folken kissed her slowly and passionately driving her senses wild with his gentle touch, his arms gently encircling her and drawing her even closer.
When he drew away, Willow could scarcely breath. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he drew her into his lap, gazing into the night. When she softly began to drift to sleep he deftly carried her to her room.

He let her jacket slip from her shoulders and unlaced her ballet slippers before laying her one her bed and pulling the sheet up over her Gazing at her sleeping for he wished he could just take her right then, and felt his body reacting to the thought 'Cold showers from now to our wedding day' He knew he didn't't want to hurt her, it would seem to much like what had happened to her before and the thought of their relationship reminding her of that bastard was enough to cool his ardor and make his stomach turn.
He quietly made his way to the guest room and promptly fell asleep without bothering to pull the sheets over himself.
'This will be better... I wonder if she thinks I could take advantage of her, even a small amount of doubt in the back of her mind, is too much. Even though she knows I could never hurt her.' before he knew it he was asleep and dreaming, his arms wrapped around the extra pillow.

When Willow woke up the next morning she felt strangely alone, the space that Folken had occupied nearly every morning for the past three weeks was empty, and long cold, as if he'd never gone back to bed. She got up and looked for Folken, she found him sleeping in the guest room. As she stood in the doorway she was dumb founded. His simple gesture showed he wanted their relationship to last and she was blown away.

"Why me?" She whispered, as she watched his chest rise and fall with his steady breathing. 'He loves me... He shouldn't, I don't deserve it.'
Quietly she closed the door and let him sleep.


A/N: YAY! ANOTHER CHAPPIE! FINALLY! Man, you'd think that summer break would mean rest..... yeah right!
Thanks: To everyone who reviewed the last chapter, you guys rock! And for everyone who's been waiting for this since May!
Feedback: Any sort of constructive criticism is help mainly on my weaknesses. Organization, dialogue, Characterization, Stream of Consciousness, etc. Encouragement is nice as well, but really I'm also seeking to grow as a writer. Any literary techniques I can learn are great.