Disclaimer: Remus and Sev are *still* not mine. Neither is Sirius, but I really don't want him all that much. Kitten and Moira can have him, if JK ever tosses him out. :-D Song lyrics belong to...someone. The Shrek people, I suppose. And there's some bad language in here...use of the F word. :-D
Dedication: Hmmm. This one's for Sugahcat. I am still in love with your pic, and your prose. And of course this is for Kitten, because she's everything.
Author's Note: I think this may be winding up in the next few chapters. *May*. What happens here I wasn't going to have happen for a few chapters, but it just sort of came out. That happens, sometimes. Er...not a big Sirius fan. Sorry to those of you who are, I portray him in a less then positive light here. I heard these song lyrics, and they just fit for me, so well. All I could think of was Sev, for some reason. Hope you like this chapter. No flashback!
Someday Out of the Blue
Chapter 10
//There was time you let me know,//
//What's real and going on below.//
//But now you never show it to me, do you?//
//I remember when I moved in you,//
//The holy dark was moving too,//
//And every breath we drew was hallelujah.//
Remus readjusted the tea kettle for about the fifth time. He sat, fretting quietly. He was going to invite Severus to stay for tea, and he felt as skittish as a virgin on her wedding night. What if he said no? What he simply sneered, or laughed, or just walked away without a word? They were all valid possibilities. He had made his room as warm and friendly as he could, even wrangling a little tablecloth for the one table in the room. He had set out two places for tea, and complete with a small plate of sugar cookies.
//Perhaps the cookies were overdoing it...//
Remus just wanted everything to be perfect. He smiled at the small tea set he had managed to scrape together...it had been hard finding one that wasn't silver. He wasn't *entirely* sure what this one was, it was certainly metal. But it looked nice, regardless. Old fashioned and elegant, with a long spouted pot and delicate filigree handled cups. The sugar bowl had been filled-for Severus, not himself. Sugar rendered the Wolfsbane potion useless. And the creamer...yes, everything was in readiness.
//You're active very foolish.// Remus told himself. //You have to be calm. You're not a teenager anymore. This isn't some sort of a date. Just keep a hold of yourself, and don't act too disappointed if he says no. He most likely will, but this is worth a try.// He had decided to expect a no. That way he wouldn't be disappointed. Too badly.
He was suddenly assailed with doubts. The whole thing was very stupid. It was obvious that he had gone to an effort. Severus had interrupted his tea before, and never had he had anything remotely resembling this set up. He generally stuck with his own little china tea pot and chipped cup. This was purely for Severus' benefit, and anyone with two eyes could see as much. But...he had to do something. He had to let Severus know, had to indicate that there was still feeling there. Remus clung to the hope that there was still a chance. There had to be...
//He's going to laugh at you.//
That was probably the worst reaction Remus could get. But maybe it would be better then the usual cold indifference. As though they had never shared anything. As though they had never made love...Remus smiled at the memory. He could remember everything about it...the scent of the cool, autumn air, the way the leaves had fallen, blanketing the ground in a splash of red and gold...Gryffindor colors. A slight nip had just entered the air, but that hadn't mattered. And Severus...Remus couldn't remember ever seeing such life and passion in his mate's eyes, before or since. He had cried out Remus' name, near the end, and the sound of that alone had driven the werewolf over the edge. To hear his name from Severus' lips, tinged with such passion and feeling...that had been far better then the lovemaking itself. Oh, but the joining...It had been something warm and beautiful and slow. It had been the single most defined experience of Remus' life. It had happened only once, but it would never be forgotten.
//Does he think of it, too?// Remus decided he had to. It had been their first time. That in itself had made it special. To be able to share something like that...they had lain together afterwards, Remus promising that the next time it would be different, that he would be the one to surrender, to be taken...but there had never been a next time. Remus had decided to keep that vow though, and had never allowed any other the precious gift of his virginity. He had always played the role of the aggressor. He was a Gryffindor, and Gryffindor's kept their vows...
He was shaken out of his reverie by a soft knocking at the door. Remus smoothed his robes over his lap, and ran a hand through his shaggy hair, smoothing it back as best he could.
"Come in!" He called, a small smile settling over his face. He couldn't believe how, well, *giddy* he was getting. //It's just Severus. You've seen him hundreds of times before now. This is no different...//
But it wasn't Severus who opened the door and entered Remus' small, empty looking room. It was actually the last person Remus expected to see, and apparently the surprise showed on his face.
"Wow...hot date Remmie?"
"Sirius..." Remus blinked, taken aback by his friend's sudden appearance, and thrown off by the bawdy wink.
"So, who is she?" The tall, muscular Gryffindor looked around, as if Remus were hiding a woman somewhere in his room.
"Ido not have a 'hot date', as you so eloquently put it." Remus said, regaining his composure. //Oh wonderful...Sirius is going to ruin everything!//
"Then what's with the double setting?" Sirius strutted in, raking a hand through his thick black waves. Remus had to fight back a sudden, irrational surge of lust. his heart belonged to Severus, but he wasn't untouched by physical desire. And Sirius Black was certainly physically desirable. Everything about him oozed sex appeal. His wild, shoulder length black hair, his flashing dark eyes, his tanned skin, hawkish features, and well defined athlete's body had captured many a heart and found his way into many a bed. Many a woman's bed. From what Remus knew, Sirius found the thought of two men being intimate rather repulsive.
"I'm expecting company." Remus said, simply. He hoped his nervousness wasn't showing through. He stood, lips set in a thin line. He wanted Sirius gone before Severus showed up. There was no way the Potions Master would stay, if Sirius was there...
"Oh? And just who warrants such a fancy set up, if not some beautiful woman you're hoping to woo?" Sirius clapped his friend on the shoulder, his voice dripping with humor and innuendo.
"If you must know...I've invited Severus to share a cup of tea."
All amusement dropped away, and Sirius' lip curled. It struck Remus suddenly how alike the two men were. Both stubborn, self righteous, arrogant...well, the list could go on and on. It was no wonder they hated each other.
"Snape?" Sirius spit the name out with disgust. "Why the hell are you inviting *him* in for tea?"
"Because I happen to enjoy his company." Remus said with a sigh. He could feel a headache beginning to build. This was not a conversation he wanted to be having, not now, not here. And certainly not with this sort of lead in. He had decided that if something *did* come of this, this thing between himself and Severus, he would have to tell Sirius. But he would do so in a calm and rational way, with plenty of alcohol on hand. Whether Sirius got drunk before, during, or after the passing on of information was irrelevant. He would get drunk.
"Why? He's an evil bastard." Sirius scowled, crossing his arms. It reminded Remus of when they had been in school. Sirius had never approved of what he thought had been a timid friendship between the Gryffindor and the Slytherin. And he didn't seem to approve of it now.
"Because we share common interests, he's kind enough to brew the Wolfsbane potion for me, and he's one of the few people who isn't put on edge simply by being in the same room with me. It may have taken nearly two decades, but it seems Severus has finally come to grips with my lycanthropy. Not that I blame him, all things considered." Though Remus' tone was light, his raised eyebrow indicated the slight jab that was intended by his words. Sirius just shrugged sullenly, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"He's a lying little prick." Sirius insisted, and Remus took a deep and calming breath. He laid his hand over his eyes, counting to ten in his mind.
"No. He's not." Remus defended his mate, trying to keep his voice as light and unconcerned as possible. "I'm not asking you to like him, or to sit and have tea with us. In fact, I'd appreciate it if you weren't here when Severus arrived. He seems to like you as much as you like him."
"What? You're kicking me out? So you can spend time with *him*? Rather have your tea with that greasy git then your best friend, huh? You've never invited me by like this..." There was suspicion in Sirius' eyes, and Remus tensed. //He can't suspect. I've given him no reason too. There has been no innuendo, nothing that can be read into. And Sirius isn't that bright...//
"You don't like tea. I'm simply suggesting it would be a more comfortable situation if you weren't here, that's all." Remus shrugged, tucking his gold and white hair behind his ears. He really did need to get it trimmed...
"Comfortable for who?" Sirius growled. "You know...I once had a pretty interesting conversation with James about you and Snape..."
"For everyone involved!" Remus nearly moaned. he cut off Sirius, not wanting him to finish the sentence. Remus had long suspected James was well aware of what the situation between himself and Severus had been. But he was certain Sirius knew nothing of it...
"Sure." Sirius turned darkly smoldering eyes on Remus. "I'm not as stupid as everyone likes to think I am, you know. And it's not like it's a big secret that Snape's a queer."
"Look, Sirius, I really don't want to have this conversation now." Remus snapped. he could only hold his temper for so long when it came to Sirius. The man pushed and pressed and just knew exactly how to get a rise out of the werewolf.
"So there *is* something to talk about." Sirius crossed his arms, shaking his head.
"There could be." Remus admitted. "But I don't want to get into it now, and I don't want it to be like this. And for the record, I don't appreciate the word queer. I suggested that you leave, and now I'm asking you to. We're both getting upset, and I know how we both are when we get upset. I don't want to get into this now."
"And what if I do?" Sirius was still glaring, and now Remus could *smell* the anger coming off of him. He gritted his teeth, breathing deeply. Why did these thins happen to him? Why couldn't Sirius have just taken a hint, and left. Why had he even come here in the first place?
"Then give me a few moments so we can both get ourselves under control." Remus said, his voice steely and quiet. It wasn't often he got angry enough that it was obvious from his voice or his actions. But Sirius' attitude and comments had certainly elicited a response in the werewolf.
"Fine." Sirius sat down on Remus' bed, arms folded, eyes still smoldering. Remus sat back down at the table, fingers tapping rapidly on the table top. He took deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down. //How did he figure things out? Or was it just suspicion, and I filled in any doubts he had? Or had James let slip something...?// His rapid thoughts were interrupted however, before he could reach a conclusion. The door-which had been only partially closed-swung open again, and there stood Severus, smoking goblet in hand.
"Your potion, Lupin." He said, face and eyes as unreadable as ever. He looked at Remus, black eyes meeting amber, and some form of emotion flicked over them, but was gone in an instant. The slim man looked past Remus to Sirius, sitting on the bed, and a scowl turned down his thin lips. "Interrupting something, am I?" He drawled, lip curling as he glared at Sirius.
"Maybe." Sirius shot back, rising. Remus buried his face in his hands wishing his best friend wasn't such an idiot.
"Sirius just stopped by for a few moments." Remus said, reining in his temper. "You're not interrupting anything."
"Remus, I thought we had agreed on something..." Sirius said darkly.
"We can finish later." Remus said, hoping his voice left no room for argument. He watched Severus' eyes flick from himself to Sirius and back, and hoped that nothing was misinterpreted.
"Here." Severus said, thrusting the goblet in Remus' hands. "Take it quickly. I'll leave you to...whatever it is you were doing."
"Wouldn't you like to know." Sirius snapped, and to Remus' horror, wrapped his arms around the werewolf's waist. Remus' eyes narrowed, and he shrugged himself out of Sirius' embrace, teeth clenched together tightly.
"Not in the least, Black." Severus hissed, angry eyes landing on Remus'. The werewolf shook his head, eyes softening as they met Severus'. //Please....he's just being an ass...there's nothing between us like that...you know that...you *know* you know that...I've made it clear I care about you....I love you...//
But his silent pleading seemed to have no affect. Severus gave a delicate sniff, head titling back a bit to look down his nose at Remus, disdain clear in his eyes. Remus wanted to lunge forward, but Sirius' arms were about him again, and Severus turned on his heel and stalked quickly out of the room, the door slamming behind him. As the wood hit the frame, Remus whirled, golden eyes flashing with anger.
"What in *hell* do you think you're doing?" He growled, voice raising in an angry tone he couldn't remember ever using before. Obviously neither did Sirius, because the dark haired man took a step back, fear flaring up briefly in his eyes.
"I'm looking out for you, is what I'm doing." Sirius said, fear fading quickly and being replaced by anger.
"I can look out for myself, thank you." Remus was certain that icy pitch couldn't have been *him*. His voice was never quite so frosty...
"Obviously not."
"I am not a child, Sirius. I have no need for you-or anyone else for that matter-to hold my hand. I am fully capable of making my own decisions. And quite frankly, my...personal life is none of your business." Remus attempted to regain control of himself, steadying his voice and his thoughts. All the apprehensive giddiness he had felt earlier was gone and forgotten. Remus could hardly believe he had been happy less then half an hour before.
"Your personal life? So does that mean your love life, or just your sex life? Cause either way, that's just sick..."
Remus hadn't meant to hit Sirius. But of it's own accord, his right hand shot out, catching Sirius across the cheek with a loud crack. His whole body was tense, and he knew his eyes were full of fire. Sirius took a step back, hand reaching up to feel the place where Remus' palm had made contact. The werewolf froze, body beginning to quiver.
"Sirius...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..."
"You hit me." The tone and inflection was blank, and empty. Sirius simply stood there stupidly, rubbing his cheek.
"I know...I'm sorry!" Remus drew the offending hand close to his body, frowning in apprehension. He had never lost control like that before. What was wrong with him? he knew damn well what was wrong with him. A culmination of everything that had happened in the past week.
"You hit me." Sirius said again. "You've never hit anyone. You just...don't. You hit me."
"I lost my temper." Remus explained, reaching a tentative hand out to rest on Sirius' arm. "I shouldn't have..."
"No, I think I needed that." Sirius shook Remus' arm away, sitting back down on the bed. He still looked a bit stunned, and Remus hoped he hadn't hit him that hard. He was well aware he often didn't know his own strength. "Maybe I went to far...but god damn it, if what I think is going on..."
"Sirius, please...it really is my business." Soft, almost pleading. Perhaps that would work better with Sirius...
"Yes it is. You're my friend, Remus. You want to fuck guys, that's your business. You want to fuck Snape...that's where I get involved."
"Please don't be so crude." Remus requested, sighing. "And there is nothing like that going on between Severus and myself." Not yet. And probably never. And that was all Sirius was asking about, so it really wasn't a lie. "We're hardly even friends. But we were friends, once. And I am attempting to rekindle that friendship."
"Just friendship?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"What did you and James talk about?" Remus needed to know, before he gave away any information of his own accord.
"Like I said, I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks." Sirius started. "We all knew you were sneaking out at night. You weren't as quiet as you think you were. But we were your friends. We trusted you. We figured you'd tell us what was up. Maybe it had to do with you being a werewolf or something. We didn't know." he shrugged. "But...well, I started paying closer attention to you. I was worried. You were sneaking out almost every night! And I noticed...you were weird around Snape. It wasn't easy to spot, and I probably wouldn't have figured anything out if James hadn't had such a huge crush on Lilly at that point. You acted the same way around Snape that he did around her."
"Did I?" Remus kept his voice mild. It was just suspicion...
"Yeah. I talked to James about it, and he had noticed the same damn thing. But we figured if something like *that* was up, you'd tell us. But you never said anything. And it went on for a while. I didn't like thinking about it, I really didn't. But...it just kept on. And then...you were so fucking pissed off after...you know." Sirius waved his hand vaguely, and Remus nodded. "It was obvious. But I let it go. And I sort of forgot about it after we graduated...you started going around with that girl from the ministry, so I knew you weren't queer. But now..."
"Now what?" Remus asked, determined not to give anything away.
"You're acting the same way." Sirius said. "And I mean...look at it. You mean to tell me you set out doilies and cookies for everyone you have over for tea? I don't think so. And the way you both acted when I put my arms around you like that...if Snape wasn't jealous, then I need to get my eyes checked. So...you want to tell me what's going on?"
"Not really, considering your earlier reaction." Remus folded his arms, facing Sirius. "I can assure you...Severus has no affections for me."
"And how do you know that?" Sirius asked, skeptically.
"Damn you!" Remus wanted to tear his own hair out. "Because he as much told me, all right? There. Are you happy now? Yes, Severus and I were more then just friends in school. Yes, I still have feelings for him. Yes, I'm sexually attracted to other men. Yes, I am attempting to rekindle the relationship. Is there anything else you'd like to know, or does that cover it all?"
"I think that covers it." Sirius didn't sound angry...exactly. Slightly disgusted, yes. Hurt, also. "You could have told me." He snapped, defensively.
"About my sexuality, or Severus?"
"You liking guys." It came out more of a grumble then a sentence.
"Nothing you ever said indicated you'd be comfortable with it."
"Yeah, well I would have dealt with it. For god's sake, Remmie...Snape?"
"Yes, Sirius. I'd really appreciate it if you didn't judge me or condemn me for my choice in...partners." Remus sat on the bed next to his friend.
"I can't help it. I hate the bastard, and you know it. I always have. Even before...you know. He's a bastard, and a cheat, and a..."
"That's enough." Remus' voice was firm.
"Fine. But you're just going to get the same shit you got in school. Dumped you real quick when he found out what you were, didn't he? And you still...." It seemed Sirius couldn't even say it.
"Yes. I still care for him." Remus said it more to get Sirius used to the idea then to upset him. "I can't not, Sirius. My kind...we don't have a choice in our affections. And it's really not something I enjoy talking about. What happened in school hurt me deeply. A lot more so then you know. And I think it hurt Severus as well. I wouldn't know, we've hardly spoken since the incident. We spoke some last night...he heard me out, at least. And..." Well, Remus wasn't going to tell Sirius that.
"Oh." Was all the response the black haired Gryffindor could give. "I still think you're barking mad."
"I know. That's fine."
"God Remmie...I didn't care you were a werewolf. I'm not going to care if you're queer. I still can't believe you didn't tell me. Did James know?"
"I think he figured it out on his own." Remus nodded. He needed time to think. God....what did Severus think? That history was repeating itself? That Remus was still simply toying with him, even after all of these years? Why did Sirius insist on making a mess of things? "Now....I'm still rather angry about what you just did. Severus and I are at a very delicate place right now. I've made a little progress, but I think you just completely negated it. It's going to take a lot of work on my part to fix things."
"Hope you can't..." Sirius mumbled, and Remus was certain he wasn't meant to hear. Sirius often forgot about his friend's heightened hearing.
"Well, I hope I can. Now, please go Sirius." Remus rose, opening the door for his friend. Sirius just gave him an odd look, shook his head, and left without saying goodbye.
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