Disclaimer: Remus and Sev still do not belong to me. They just won't fall for the traps I lay out for them...and the poem used herein belongs to my dear friend Becca. I thank her a thousand times over for allowing me to use it. Song lyrics belong to Elton john.

Warning: Slash! Male on male sexual situations. Could be labeled NC-17. Probably still R, though. But just to be safe...Oh my. Yeah, I think this makes it up to the NC-17 level.

Dedication: To Becca, for letting me use her poem. And to Kitten...for the love of god, I'm marrying you! Do I have to keep dedicating things to you? Just kidding pet! I love you dearly and you are my inspiration. And of course for Lelio, because this certainly wouldn't have been done so quickly if not for the urgings. :-)

Author's Note: I really did not expect this to be so long. I also didn't expect to start this tonight, but my soup is too hot to eat so I am writing while it cools down. Yeah, okay, so in every single Snape story I write he-at some point-ends up in front of the fire with a glass of wine. It's just an image I *really* like!

Um....we do a get a bit racier then we have in previous chapters. I was actually going to leave this flashback out, maybe add it on as a 'missing scene', because I thought it would be gratuitous. But it seems to fit here, so....And if it seems choppy or anything, I keep getting interrupted by my computer illiterate father who can't seem to comprehend that not every computer comes with a pdh program, and refuses to believe that I can't open pdh files.

Someday Out of the Blue

Chapter 11

//I want love, but it's impossible //

// A man like me so irresponsible. //

//A man like me is dead in places//

//Other men feel liberated//

The slamming of the door echoed through the dungeon loudly, a harsh clash of wood on stone. Severus Snape stormed into his rooms, robes and hair flying out behind him. He had managed to keep his pace to it's usual sedate glide until he reached his own corridor. Then he had quickened his pace, hands clenching into fists, sneer turning downwards even more so, and angry redness rising on his usually pale cheeks.

//Of all the...stupid, bastardly, sluttish....// He paced rapidly about his room, hands clasped behind his back. It had been a very long time since he had felt so angry, so...betrayed. //There is no reason for this! There was nothing there for Lupin to betray. If he wants to screw Black, that's his business.// But the betrayal was there, as stinging and sharp as it had been so many years ago.

//I suppose I should have expected something like this.// Snape threw himself down into an overstuff armchair, propping his chin up with his hand and staring gloomily into the unlit hearth of his fireplace. //It happened before, it was going to happen again. I suppose this was all some elaborate scheme of Black's. The bastard would pull something like this. Why...why did I admit I loved him?//

Under all the anger and pain, there was surprise. //I had no idea Black swung that way. He had always seemed the last...and didn't Lupin once *say* the man was...prejudiced?// Well, obviously not. Snape realized his fingernails were digging into his palms. He couldn't get Black's lecherous sneer out of his mind. And the way he had curled himself around Remus, pulling the other man so close, so intimately...

//Why is this bothering you? There is no good reason. You certainly didn't fall for whatever they had planned. I am assuming they had planned on me falling for Lupin again. The same trick, only with different packaging. Too bad for them. I am not so easily swayed. They deserve each other...//

But a part of him knew damn well his irritation had little to do with that. There had been a small part of him that was willing to allow for the possibility things could still be made right. But that had been dashed, killed by the cruel glint in Black's mahogany eyes.

//Do not think of it. Do something to take your mind off of it. Read.// That was a good idea. Rising, Snape made his way over to his bookshelf. He let his eyes scan the titles, looking for something he hadn't read in a while. He had a generous collection of both wizarding and muggle books. His gaze fell on an old and battered book, a muggle novel. One of his favorites, that he hadn't read since he'd been hardly more then a boy. He didn't believe in constantly re-reading books. It wore them out, and was pointless.

//Sherlock Holmes should do the trick.// Snape pulled the faded book from it's place, trying to remember the last time he had read this particular piece of work. He found he couldn't. Not to mention the story itself had escaped him. //Hound of the Baskervilles...you know this one...// But his mind refused to work. His thoughts were jumbled and incoherent, and he could not focus on one thing. Book clasped firmly in his hand, he returned to his chair.

//A fire. You need a fire.// He took up his wand, and soon a roaring fire bathed the room in orange tinged light. Snape poured himself a glass of wine, and picked up the book. He flipped it open, and a yellowed sheet of parchment fluttered out and fell to the floor.

//What in the...?// Snape bent, plucking the parchment from where it had fallen on the floor. He frowned, laying the book on his lap and unfolding the fragile thing. He couldn't for the life of him think what it could be. He was an organized person, not one for simply stashing things where he could find a place. He smoothed it out, noting the sprawling, delicate handwriting the flowed over the page.

//Dear god...this can't be....no...// Immediate instinct was to toss the whole thing into the flames. Just destroy it, not to read it, not to think on it...but his hands did not toss it away. Instead he found himself reading it, remembering when it had first made its way into his hands.

Twilight dances in on soft cloudy slippers,

offering me small silver cups of moonlight and warm sprinklings of stardust

captured in a small petal of the crushed lavender corsage in my bosom

here it lays, silken like the amber nectar of my lover's careful touch,

the tears in his eyes gleaming with the melancholy reflection of nymph's flight in clear, still water

how I long to wade into that liquid silk rising up along my legs

soaking the white gauze of my gown

in a fateful attempt to seduce me as it did Ophelia, so many years ago

fair sprig of rosemary!

these floral vines are for you, my love

twist them to your cold moonlit stone

trod upon by my bare feet in the lonely nave

these horrid marble eyes whispering horrid truths

fair cotton dove!

why whilst thou tarry so long beneath these fine melodies?

An old poem, written by some muggle author. Remus had given it to him, on some rather important date. Shyly handing it to Snape, mumbling something about how it just made him think of them. Why, Snape had no idea. Well, some of it made sense now, he supposed. it truly was a beautiful poem. There was a certain haunting-ness about it, an almost Shakespearean quality.

//Stop being so bloody sentimental!// Snape admonished himself. He didn't even know why he had kept the damn thing. But he had. He had shoved it in that book....the night he had discovered what Lupin was. The night after he had gotten the stupid thing. The night after they had made love...

//That is certainly not something you want to think about.// But it wasn't something he *couldn't* think about, either. Unfortunately sleeping with Lupin was something he would live with for the rest of his life. They did say one always remembered their first.

It had been a long thought out decision, as well. Snape hadn't simply decided to give up his virginity on a whim. He had never been a truly intimate person, not with Remus. He couldn't bring himself to be. Sex had always been, to him, something dirty. Something that wasn't done for pleasure or out of love, but for money and necessity. And that wasn't even sex, it was...well, whatever it was it was nothing he had wanted to associate with Remus. He had loved him, at that point. With a sort of deep and quiet passion that he could never express with words.

He hadn't exactly gone onto the grounds that night expecting to lose his virginity. He knew he would do it, and soon, but he hadn't thought quite so soon. Their intimacy had been rather tame, up to that point. Kissing and cuddling, and once Remus had advanced it to some mild petting. But other then that, Snape had not been willing to let the relationship go any further. He enjoyed the closeness they shared, both physical and emotional, but could not get passed the connotations sex had for him. He was no stranger to it, certainly. How could he be, the son of a whore and a whore himself?

//A fine mess you've gotten yourself into...// Snape sighed, re-reading the poem. //Maudlin piece of tripe...// But it really wasn't. It was beautiful and touching, and for some odd reason it *did* make Snape think of them. //It was not meant to be. And it will never be, because you no longer care for the man, and he certainly does not care for you, regardless of what he may have led you to believe.//

There was a knock at the door, timid and almost reluctant. Snape didn't need Trewlany's inner eye to know who it would be. //Damn the man. What now? The same old song and dance, I suppose.// Snape shoved the poem back into the book. He would not be caught in such a pose. What would Lupin think....finding him with *that*? Better to act unaffected, aloof.

"Come in." Snape called, picking up his glass of wine. His face schooled itself into a blank mask, and he stared fixedly at the flames.

"Severus, about what you saw...it wasn't what you thought..."

//Not even a hello. Rude as well as a prat.// Snape said nothing, only took another sip of his wine. He really didn't care what Lupin had to say, what lies he would spin to work his way out of this.

"Sirius...Sirius is just looking out for me."

"And that is connected with his little display of affection how?" Snape drawled, glancing over his shoulder. Lupin looked worn and drawn, and there was an anxiousness to his features.

"Because...he doesn't want me...carrying on. With you." A faint blush crept over the tawny haired man's face, and his golden eyes dropped downwards. Snape scoffed, lips curling.

"Then I am sure he was pleased to discover that you are not. If that is all you have to say, please leave me to my peace."

"Severus..." Even his pleading was polite! Snape closed his eyes, praying for patience. He was coming close to losing his temper. //Why does he persist? Is he some sort of emotional masochist?//

"Lupin, I do not care who you do what with. I see no reason why you are justifying your relationship with Black to me." He stood up, folding his arms and facing the werewolf. He wanted Lupin gone. How dare the man invade his private chambers to continue this foolish game of theirs!

"I am not doing anything with Sirius!" Lupin said, and there was a hint of angry exasperation in his voice. "I have no relationship with him. He's my friend. He found out about us, in school, and he's worried about me. That's all there is to it. He was just trying to scare you away."

"Scare me away? Away from what? I'm not near anything." Snape said, rather coldly. //This is getting old. *We* are getting old. It is time to end this.//

"Maybe you aren't, but I am." Lupin said, eyes flashing in the firelight. They met Snape's defiantly, glowing with red flecks in the violent light. There was a determination there that unnerved Snape, and made him want to take a step backwards. But he would not show fear in front of the man. If anything, he would meet that defiance with his own. Stare him down...that was what worked with beasts, wasn't it? They stood there, neither one speaking or moving, staring strait into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity.

//He will break you.// Snape clenched his jaw, but did not look away. He had stared down many an unruly student, and many a fellow death eater. But...those golden eyes were still smoldering with an frightening intensity. He could feel himself start to quiver, just barely, under that gaze. He tried to study Lupin's face, to take his mind off of it. He had acquired a weathered look, tiny lines formed around those beautiful eyes and at the corners of his mouth. There was white in his tawny hair, slim streaks intermingled with cinnamon. His features were the same. Rather strong jaw, high cheekbones, hair as shaggy as ever..

It took Snape a moment or two to realize that Lupin was moving. He had taken a step forward, eyes not leaving Snape's. //Now would be a good time to back away...// Was he attacking? Had Snape finally pushed the right buttons, finally pushed the werewolf beyond his level of control. He was getting frighteningly close. He was right before Snape, who still refused to back away. //Oh dear lord...what is he going to do...no....//

The potions master knew he should have backed away. He clenched his fists, staring strait ahead, not moving a muscle of his body as Lupin pressed his lips against his. It was a rather chaste kiss, the simple placing of lips on lips. Snape did nothing. He stood, stock still, jaw rigid throughout the kiss. Lupin's hands were on his shoulders, his body leaning in, aligning itself along Snape's. Still, the black haired man did not move. //This will affect me no more then anything else he has tried.// That was not promising, as everything else had elicited quite a reaction.

"There's...nothing, is there?" Lupin's voice cracked as he spoke, his face still very close to Snape's, so he could feel the breath of the words on his lips. That voice. It was full of fear and pain and the same old acceptance. It was only then that Snape looked away his eyes falling to stare at the floor between their feet. //Of course t]here's not nothing, you fool. But there will be nothing.//

"You don't want this." Snape said softly, knowing he didn't sound as harsh as he had meant it. "Now please....go."

"How do you know what I want?" Lupin asked. His hands were still on Snape's shoulders, and he had angled himself closer yet again.

"I know what I am, Lupin, and that is something you do not want." //I am as much a monster as you. Be gone, I swear it...you've never killed, not a human. I have. I've killed more muggles and wizards alike then you'd imagine. I can name them all, if you want me to...//

"What? A bitter old man?" There was amusement there.

"A Death Eater, Lupin." There was no dancing around the issue. And it wasn't exactly a secret anymore. Lupin already knew he was a spy, why not confess the rest?

"What?" A step back, confusion clouding those beautiful golden eyes.

"You heard me. Why do you think I work as a spy? I already have Voldemort's trust because I was once one of his most devoted servants. No longer, of course." Whatever moment they had been sharing was over now. Broken by that confession.

"I...why?"

"Why not? I've no desire to justify myself to you, nor a need. Now...I am asking you again, to leave me be. Please, Remus." He was a man ruled and moved by tenderness. If that was what Snape would have to employ to get him to leave, so be it.

"How long?"

"What?" Snape raked his hair out of his eyes, shoulders slumping. Obviously getting rid of the werewolf wasn't going to be as easy as he'd hoped.

"I don't know...a few years." Snape shrugged, turning away. "I told you...I have no desire to discuss it."

"Was it....because of.."

"No." A short, clipped word. //Self centered, are we? Taking the blame for everything that's gone wrong in my life? You think rather highly of yourself, don't you, to assume so much.//

"Severus...if you really want me to go, I'll go."

"But you will be back." Snape said, turning back again.

"Not if you ask me to stay away." There was defeat there now. As heart wrenching as it had ever been. //Are you so cold? You cannot allow yourself this...he has gone out of his way to prove to you his feelings.//

"I ask you...to leave me be right now." Snape finally said, choosing his words carefully. //Perhaps my admission to being a Death Eater did work.// He didn't know if he wanted Lupin to stay away for good. Things were confused now. He reached into his pocket, fingers closing around a delicate length of filigree. He tended to fidget with it when he was nervous.

"As you wish." Lupin inclined his head, regarding Snape with a myriad of emotions in his eyes. They had always been so expressive. Snape simply nodded, not trusting himself to speak. How had he allowed this to happen? How had he allowed himself to feel...//You have grown soft. And that will be your downfall.// He heard the door closing, softly, and he was alone again in his rooms.

"Damn him!" He shouted to the empty air, kicking his chair. He would never show such a blatant display of emotion in company, but alone...He dropped into his chair, allowing himself a few moments to sulk. He pulled the poem out of the book, fingers running over the soft paper. Had it been the poem, that made up his mind to give himself to Lupin? Perhaps...

~Hogwarts, 5th year~

Severus regarded Remus with a raised eyebrow. They were sitting together in a small copse of trees, blocked from view on a spread out blanket Remus had brought with him.

"A poem?" Severus asked, eyes falling again to the piece of paper he held in his hand.

"I found it...in a book. It just, I don't know, made me think of you. Us." Remus shrugged, staring down at his hands. It was a very pretty poem. Severus nodded, folding it neatly and slipping it into his pocket.

"Thank you." He said, reaching up to cup the side of Remus' face. He rubbed his thumb along the smooth skin of the other boy's cheek, searching his beautiful amber eyes for...what, exactly? He couldn't say. He found there embarrassment, and tenderness. He leaned in, brushing his lips against Remus'. They were soft, and faintly chapped. He closed his eyes, thinking of nothing but the supple pair of lips beneath his own. Remus moved beneath him, titling his head for a better angle. It wasn't often they engaged in anything more then solitary kisses, but it was an unusually warm night, and there was simply something about Remus. A certain...glow. Severus shifted, moving closer, his hand sliding around to cup the back of the Gryffindor's head.

There was something magic in the kiss. It tugged at Severus' heart, pulling him deeper and closer. //I love him.// He realized. The sudden thought urged him onwards, tongue darting out to slide along Remus' lips. He tangled his hand in the soft tawny hair, pulling Remus closer to him, legs tangling together as they struggled for purchase.

"Sev..." Remus murmured, and Severus took the opportunity to breech the barrier of lips and teeth, stroking his tongue against Remus' in an erotic gesture. The simple sliding of tongue against tongue was oddly arousing. It was warm and wet and slippery, but not in a bad way. Severus' hands ran over Remus' back, grasping at the muscles he found beneath. His thigh was pressed against Remus', and he was amazed at the hard strength he found there. He tore his lips away, but pressed them instead to the smooth skin of jawbone and neck. He wanted to share his emotional discovery, but knew there was no way he would ever be able to verbally *admit* his affection.

Remus was wearing his pajamas. He tended to do that. Severus pulled at the buttons, and he looked up into Remus' eyes, smiling slightly at the confusion and happiness he found there. They had never gone quite this far. There had been a few rather intense kissing sessions, and once Severus had allowed Remus to touch him. But other then that, their physical relationship was rather tame. Now, the Slytherin was ready for more. He ran his fingers along the smooth skin of Remus' chest, tracing the detail of abdomen and pectorals. He stared, devouring the sight of the smooth, lightly tanned flesh. He licked along Remus' throat, shuddering as he did so.

"Make love to me." He said, black eyes flashing up to meet a surprised gaze.

"Sev...are you sure?" Remus ran his hand through Severus' hair, biting at his lower lip.

"Of course I'm sure. I wouldn't have asked you to, if I wasn't." To silence the other boy, he captured his mouth in a searing kiss, hoping to banish any doubts Remus may have. He wanted this, needed this. This he could share with Remus. And then Remus was easing him down, on his back, and kissing him tenderly, and muttering soft assurances in his ear. They were a tangle of lips and limbs, bodies pressed as closely together as they could manage. Remus was on top of Severus, lips buried in his throat, hand sliding along his thigh. They were both shirtless, and Severus caressed Remus' back, sliding his palm over spine and curve of buttock, to trail along his thigh. This was good, and right, and there was nothing dirty about it.

Remus was kissing down his chest, soft wet carress' that made Severus gasp and quiver. And then he was undoing his jeans, sliding them down off of slim, pale hips, tossing them aside. Severus turned his head away, for some reason not able to watch Remus as he watched him. Then he felt a hand, touching him, stroking him...he bit his lip, not able to stop his hips from arching upwards. The hand was taken away, and Severus looked over at Remus...what was he doing? Oh. Remus had knelt, sliding his own pants off, smiling shyly as he did so. Severus' eyes widened as he looked upon smooth, toned flesh.

"You're...beautiful." Severus whispered, and Remus blushed.

"So are you."

The blonde Gryffindor stretched himself out over Severus, kissing him again, and the Slytherin could feel all of his lover pressed against him, and he moaned into his lips. He wrapped his arms around Remus' back, closing his eyes and giving himself over to the tender kisses and light carress'. Then Remus' lips were on the column of his neck, the hollow of his throat, tracing down his sternum, light nipping at his hips, and then Remus' mouth was on him...

"No..." Severus mumbled, pushing the Gryffindor's head away.

"No?" Remus looked up, brow forroughing in confusion. Severus shook his head, smiling in what he hoped was an offhand manner. Remus nodded, chewing his bottom lip again. //Please don't ask to explain. I can't...you're not like that.// The tawny head dipped again, but this time lower, and his tongue was...waves of pleasure swept over Severus, and he cried out involuntarily. Remus' tongue was...inside of him. Warm and insistent and amazing. And then it was gone, but it was replaced by something else...Remus' finger, probing gently before sliding in. Severus grunted, it wasn't that bad. He swallowed hard, Remus' finger moving slightly. A second was added, and that hurt. Severus bit his lip hard, to keep from crying out. At least it seemed Remus was wetting his fingers.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked, concern coloring his voice. Severus just nodded, hands gripping the blanket tightly. A third finger, stretching him to what he thought was the breaking point. He squirmed, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. Then they were withdrawn, leaving only a dull and slightly empty feeling. And Remus was stretching himself out again, and Severus drew up his legs, planting his feet firmly on the blanket, eyes still closed. Remus did nothing, simply kissed Severus deeply, nipping at his lips.

"Please..." Severus mumbled, tilting his head back. He thought perhaps Remus nodded, and then there was a pressing warmth against him, sliding in slowly....then pain. Hot, flashing, blinding pain that burst behind his eyes in a flash of red. He tensed, and that didn't make things any better. He could feel himself tightening around Remus, and heard his lover gasp. Remus slid in, pausing every so often, and then he was inside of him completely. Severus closed his eyes, hands gripping at Remus' back, fingers sliding on slippery smooth skin. And Remus began thrusting in and out, slowly and rhythmically. It still hurt, but not as badly. And the pain was dulling, melding into something else, something that felt good.

"Remus..." Severus moaned, arching himself involuntarily, groaning with pleasure at the sensations that were washing over him. The pain was overlaid by pleasure, intense and pure. And Remus was stroking him, his hand moving in time to his thrusts, and Severus couldn't bring himself to push that hand away...Remus' pace was increasing, and they were both moaning loudly now, not caring anymore. And then he felt Remus climax inside of him, and it was incredible, and then he was climaxing himself, crying out Remus' name as he did so.

They lay together, Remus collapsed on top of him, still inside of him. They were exhausted, sated and silent. Severus was breathing deeply, arms draped over Remus. He couldn't move. He didn't want to move. Everything seemed right. He had never felt so complete, so whole. In that moment he didn't care about anything, other then the man in his arms. And that was all that mattered.

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