Her new room was large – larger in fact than any she had ever had before, and bright. Sparsely furnished, but clean, comfortable, and well cared for in every way. It also smelt strongly of boy.
"I'm sorry," Alanna said wryly, pulling a face, "my squire was the last person to use it. She gestured at the desk. "He did his best but he's managed to leave his mark all the same."
Now she looked closer, it was possible to see ink smudges, burn marks and waxy trails on the polished wood. She scanned the rest of the room for other traces of the previous occupant – a dent in the bottom of the door where it had frequently met with a hasty boot, nicks in smooth surfaces where a weapon of some sort had been swung erratically, worn patches on a rug walked over too often.
"The servants have done their best to clean it of course but somehow the scent of a person will insist on remaining long after they've left," the Lioness continued with good humour as if chiding the man himself rather than the faint trace of him left behind. "Once Neal's wormed his way in somewhere, he won't leave it easily." She looked sideways at Ilaria. "I can try having it aired if you'd like."
Ilaria, who had already decided to volunteer no more information than she could help before she knew more about her new situation, remained laconic. "It doesn't matter." It didn't; the odour was pervasive but not particularly unpleasant. She dropped her pack on the floor with a thud and crossed to one of the windows to scan the seeming hordes of people below.
"So many," Alanna commented from the doorway, still attempting to start a conversation, "just going about their business unaware that we watch them." The hairs on the back of Ilaria's neck prickled, feeling the violet eyes move from the window to their new pupil. "You'll soon get used to them though."
Privately Ilaria was sure she wouldn't, but she didn't say so. Concern in the outside scene lost she continued to gaze about disinterestedly, unwilling to turn back and face the startling clarity of that gaze.. The atmosphere grew restive, muttering darkly about silence being the virtue of fools. She wasn't sure where she had heard that, or why it had come to mind at this particular moment, but the thought was quickly suppressed in favour the more flattering ideal of Shang; in silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light. It was fanciful perhaps, but Ilaria was fully aware that she lacked the humility to willingly call herself a fool, however close to the truth it might be.
Growing impatient, Alanna cast her eyes about the room and motioned Ilaria's pack still lying in the centre of the room. "Do you mind?" Ilaria tore her gaze from the world outside and gave assent with a shake of her head, watching the woman's grimace as she felt its weight. "You know, you must be stronger than you look. I wouldn't want to carry this."
Now that she was no longer being observed, Ilaria permitted herself a small smile. Alanna would never know of the hours Riane had spent making her train with weighted weapons and weights around her limbs in order to strengthen her body. Built on a light frame, she was denied the stocky body and powerful muscles that made a true warrior and her teachers had sought other ways to increase the effectiveness of her natural abilities to their best advantage. The result was a slim, lean figure with highly toned muscles that relied more on speed and power of impact than a greater strength. The Shang had done well. Even though the pack had still been hard to carry, the important thing was that it hadn't showed.
Alanna's head was bent over its contents, and so Ilaria felt free to study her carefully, watching the curious furrowing of her brows and the quick, deft movements of her calloused hands as she drew out a small bundle of hastily screwed up clothing with a smile. "Commendable respect for your belongings I see." She peered in again and reverently drew out three long cloth wrapped bundles, probing them delicately. "It's rude to stare you know," she murmured absently without looking up.
"Do you ever take your own advice, I wonder?" Ilaria muttered under her breath remembering her own inspection earlier, and regretting it immediately when Alanna looked up sharply. She didn't know what attitude they took here in Tortall, but if she'd been that disrespectful to any of the Shang masters, she'd have been severely punished. Riane might not have minded but then, he'd had a sense of humour. The famed temper of the Lioness could be a different matter entirely.
Luckily, Alanna's expression quickly became one of sardonic amusement. "So you can talk of your own accord after all. I was beginning to think they'd trained you be a statue." Her smile disappeared at Ilaria's uncertain expression and she spoke bluntly. "Now don't tell me you're going to lapse into that sullen silence again. Sulking and answering me in monosyllables isn't going to get you anywhere, and it only makes you look childish. You're far too old to be playing such stupid games."
Ilaria was torn. It would have been easy for her claim she didn't speak because she was shy, or simply quiet, but the simple truth was just that she didn't really want to and was still thoughtless enough not to think about the possible consequences. She wanted to go home. Accepting this as her new life would be too much like giving up and letting go of that last fragile bit of hope she still clung to desperately and irrationally. All the same, Alanna's words still stung. It was hard to admit it, but one of the things her years of training had installed was a thin streak of arrogance that was protesting vehemently against the accusation of being childish. The rest of her, more pragmatic, simply acknowledged that keeping quiet out of pure stubbornness was ridiculous. And Riane had asked her not to make him ashamed of her.
"I'm sorry, milady," she managed rather inaccurately and deliberately vacuously, eyes lowered in apparent humility.
Alanna's eyebrows raised slowly until they almost reached her hairline. "What possible purpose could you have for wishing to sound like a country bumpkin? More to the point, why could you possibly think I'd fall for it? I know you're not stupid Ilaria; I'd like to be able to think you believed the same of me."
Ilaria maintained her expression of wide-eyed innocence. Alanna sighed and began to count things off on her fingers. "I know you claim not to know so much as how old you are. I know you affect not to be able to read and write. And I know you are taking great care to try to prevent me seeing a single spark of personality about you. I also know that you were considered bright enough to be worthy of Shang training, that your teacher has enough confidence in your abilities to send you here in the hope that you will do well amongst us, and that you have plenty of wits about you when you think I'm not watching." She paused then added, "I also know you were able to conceal your magic for about 13 years, which I'm still wondering how you did. Is it worth me asking you, or will I just get another look trying to convince me you've come from some backwater somewhere and have never so much as heard a word longer than two syllables before?"
Ilaria blinked, realising ruefully that all she'd heard about the Lioness was true. Under her improbable exterior lurked a core of razor-sharp iron, too experienced to be fooled by a few misleading phrases or a deceptive appearance. She would be a captivating opponent whether with weapons or wits.
She was also though, she sensed reluctantly, someone it was a bad idea to get on the wrong side of. Smiling wryly, she shook her head. "Caught out," she paused, "Although just for the record, I really don't have any book-learning." The smile died quickly and she looked at Riane's replacement apprehensively.
"If it helps at all, I don't agree with what they're doing to you," Alanna said with sudden understanding.
Ilaria's eyes brightened with a flash of hope. "Then could you...would you…" she took a deep breath and continued more calmly. "Would you be able to take my Gift away from me?"
Alanna's eyes were dark with sympathy. "Come and sit down Ilaria." The girl complied and she continued gently. "Even if it were possible for me to take it away permanently, which I'm not sure it is, I wouldn't do it. Whether you like it or not, your Gift is a part of you. Taking it away would be like to amputate one of your limbs. You wouldn't be a whole person, and the loss would probably hamper you for the rest of your life. Even by ignoring it as you seem to have been doing, you've been hindering your own progress. You're not whole inside, and that affects everything else you do. I tried it once myself. The only way for you to learn to live your life is to accept that part of you and nurture it so that it can grow and become one with the rest of you. I'll teach you to use it but apart from that I'm sorry, there's nothing else I can do."
Ilaria's voice was low and too intense to be steady. "I don't want it. All I've ever wanted of it was for it to go away."
"It won't go away if you ignore it." Alanna reached out and touched her shoulder gently. "How did you hide it?"
Ilaria gained control of her voice with an effort and spoke clearly again. "I can't really remember back when I was small…I suppose my parents must have told them I wasn't Gifted, or they'd never have taken me. I've always known, somehow, that I had to keep it secret. Maybe they'd told me before I left. I'm not really sure how I managed to hide it back then – I was so young – but I remember that one of the first things they taught us as children was how to meditate. That helps, doesn't it? Even if I was angry and I could feel it shimmering in me and trying to break out, meditating used to pull it back in somehow. Nobody really noticed anything – but then they weren't looking for it and there was nobody Gifted about who might have sensed it, so I always thought I was safe."
At Alanna's nod, she realised that Riane must have explained the rest of the story to her already. She seemed remarkably matter-of-fact. "At least you already know how to meditate, that's something and the rest will come in time."
Protesting came automatically. "No!" Realising that a flat refusal was unlikely to be listened to she amended it to "Not now," and contented herself with a privately underscored "Not ever" in her mind.
Alanna looked at her for a long time. "Give it a few days," she said finally.
Author's Note:
I got told off by Polkat for not doing an a/n in the last chapter :$
The reason I tend not to put notes at the top of my work, except for the first chapter, is because I feel it interferes with the flow of the story. They can also contain spoilers which will give away what is to come, and it can be annoying to have to scroll past them if you don't want to read them as well. I guess my noted will have to end up at the bottom of the page all the time, where you can ignore them if you wish.First of all thanks to everyone who reviewed me – I think I've managed to go review your work in return. I think I've also managed to be quite critical of it, so I apologise if I offended. I think the function of reviews on ff is so we can help each other improve our writing, and that's what I'm hoping to do for you. [grins] So far nobody's taking me up on my pleas for you to criticise me…
Please do though, I think it's worth it and I promise not to be offended by anything you say. Also, bubblegum*girl and indigo star, apparently all reviews submitted on June 4th have been accidentally deleted which is why yours haven't appeared. * sobs * Maybe I'm being greedy, but I feel cheated!
To everyone who's read this and simply not reviewed…what are you doing?!?? Surely the opportunity to poke fun at me is too good to pass up? Seriously though, I would really love as many reviews as possible [as well as improving my writing, they're good for my ego…;)] Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?
Thanks to Polkat and AlianneOfTortall (henceforth to be known as Alianne cos I don't wanna have to keep typing it out) for nagging me to keep writing, I'd be too lazy to do it without you. Super thanks to Polkat for being such a great beta-reader, and super apologies to Alianne for driving her insane.
Finally, "Silence is the virtue of fools" – Sir Francis Bacon. "In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light" – Mahatma Gandhi. Don't ask me how Ilaria knows them, maybe they just conveniently found their way through from another dimension. Ah the plot holes…
