Ok… you know what? I had never in my life gotten 12 reviews in the same day… and my smile just keep getting bigger and bigger!

But I am confused, how bad is my grammar? Maybe I should get a beta… u_u

And thanks Dee, for your comments, you wrote The Girl Next Door, didn't you? I love that story so much!! (And of course, Crushed, too) Would you really go over my story? Heh, sometime I don't know if what I am writing is right… anyways! On with the fic:

When I am bad I am even better

Chapter 2: Remembering is forbidden

It was hard… seeing it again. The look, I mean. That same look in her face, just like the last time I saw her, looking up at me like it was all my fault… I didn't chose to feel that way about her, you know? All those years fighting it because 'she was supposed to be my little sister'…

"You are going to take care of her, Will." It was his mother's voice. "She doesn't have anybody else…"

 

"Look what you did to her, Willy." Her voice again. "You made her cry."

"Now kiss and make up." Yeah, I kissed her alright.

All those years fighting it…just to make it blow up in my face the last bloody night I spend with her. But the past is in the past. I got over her… it took me a million tequila shots and God know how many smokes, but I got over the little bitch.

How dare she look at me like that, she was there too! It was her fault…

"Move your arse, Willy." A tired voice said from behind Spike, immediately he moved the bags he had been carrying to the living room, without another look in Buffy's direction.

"Aunt Chris!" Buffy ran to the woman and captured her in a big hug.

"Jesus, Buff! You are lot taller… and stronger." Christina said missing the oxygen.

"Sorry." Said Buffy. "So how was your flight?"

"Incredibly long" she sighed and then addressed her son. "There is two more bags in the car, Will. I don't think Joyce will be able to carry them." Spike went out of the house without a word. "Hum, he is a little cranky today." Buffy shrugged, she didn't care… could a car run over him while he was in the street? Please?

"Come here, Aunt Chris, I'll make you a nice tea." Said the girl taking her hand and guiding the woman to the kitchen.

"Thanks, darling."

**

"When is Will going to start school?" asked Joyce during dinner. Chris, who was sitting next to Buffy, took a sip of her water before answering.

"Tomorrow. I don't want him missing more school days, we are in October now, he has missed more than a month already. I spoke to the Principal today and he told me William can go register in the morning." The woman explained looking gravelly at her son. "I hope your grades improve this year, William. Don't disappoint me." Spike looked down at his plate, fascinated by the mashes potatoes.

"Don't worry, Chris. I am sure the change will do him good." Buffy's mother guaranteed smiling. "And if he is having trouble Buffy can help him." The girl looked at her mother startled, opening her mouth to say something; but she closed it again thinking it was not worth been yelled at. She pouted in self-pity and her eyes fell on Spike, who was grinning at her. Buffy stuck her tongue at him, careful not to be seen by anybody else in the table; and he mirrored her childish act.

**

After dinner Buffy ran to her room and, without bothering to close the door, threw herself in the bed. With one hand she reached for the stuffed pig that had fallen on the floor and hugged it tightly. Why did he have to be back?

"Is that Mr. Gordo?" For just 2 seconds that voice transported her back to England again, memories of trying to protect her favorite toy from Spike floated in her brain… he was so annoying when he was young…

"It's mine! Give it back!" Buffy whined.

"Catch me if you can!" said Spike and started to run around the table with the girl following short behind.

"You are going to break it!" she whimpered.

"That's the plan!" He went around the table once more, but the girl wasn't following him anymore; she was sitting on the floor, eyes full of tears. "Don't cry." He handed her the pig and she held it tight. "I'm sorry."

"What are you doing here?" she snapped at Spike.

"Doing a tour around the house… apparently alone because nobody offered." He said walking around the room, looking at every detail. The walls were green… she'd always liked green. She had pictures of her new friends –or that's who Spike thought they were- in her mirror… but not a single photo of him.

"Get out of here!" The blond girl demanded with an icy voice.

"Is that Mr. Gordo?" he asked again, not impressed at all with her unkind tone.

"Yes." She answered holding the pig firmly.

"I didn't know you still had it." He was standing at the foot of her bed now, looking curiously at the toy, like he was trying to remember all the poor pig had gone through. Buffy looked at his head tilt. I hate it when he does that.

"Well… it means a lot to me." An awkward silence followed. Buffy looked at the floor, feeling more uncomfortable with every passing second. His eyes burning her skin made her remember again…she could almost feel his hands touching her just like that last night… "Get out, please." This time he did just that.

**

Early the next morning they were both sitting in the car, Buffy's mom was driving them to school.

"We could take the bus, you know." Buffy said from the back seat. Her mother hadn't let her sit in the front of the car.

"I think this way is faster." Was her mother's response.

"I can't believe you are 18 and you don't drive." Spike commented while looking through his window, he could almost feel Buffy's eyes making holes in the back of his skull. Touchy subject, eh pet?

"Believe me, William, it's much better for everyone of us if she doesn't try to drive… ever again."

"Mom!" The girl whined. Spike chuckled.

**

Buffy sat in the cafeteria with Willow, Xander and Anya by her side, it had been a very slow day, the thrill of the first weeks of school had finally ran off and now everybody seemed to be occupied in their owns depressive thoughts.

"So… Did Spike arrive yet?" Her best friend asked. Buffy let out a painful sigh.

"Yeah…"

"Uh, so much for the excitement." Xander added with a mouth full of green beans.

"Swallow your food, Xan, nobody wants to see that." Anya said in a calm voice. "So… is he even hot?"

"Anya!" Buffy complained. "I am NOT having this conversation again…"

"What conversation?" asked a voice from behind her.

"No way!" Buffy yelled jumping out of her seat and took the schedule out of Spike's hand. "B lunch! You can't have B lunch, that's my lunch…"

"Hum, Buff, I think he CAN, unless there is a rule against it… which I doubt." Xander commented without acknowledging Buffy's murdered look.

"Uff, at least we don't have classes together." Buffy said after reading Spike's schedule and passing it to him.

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too." Spike added sarcastically, which made Buffy almost choke with a piece of chicken she had just put in her mouth. Willow looked at him nervously.

"So… Spike, right?" asked the redhead. He nodded.

"So Goldilocks here has been talking about me? How sweet of her…" He added with another demonstration of his sarcasm, the blond took a sip of her milk furiously.

"Eh… yeah. Come sit here." Willow smiled nervously and showed him a space in front of her and next to Buffy. "Hi, I'm Willow." She said politely.

"A redhead willow, eh? How strange…" Xander snorted at his comment but Willow ignored him.

"This is Xander and Anya."  They greeted him with big smiles, Anya's bigger than Xander's. They were in silence for a couple of minutes before Anya decided to intervene.

"So… not only hot but amazingly lickeable." She said to Buffy. Willow couldn't help but to laugh at that. Spike looked at Buffy's red face and chuckled.

"Eh, Anya, Hello? Boyfriend here…" said Xander while rising his hand to ask for attention. "We talked about this, remember? Not flirting when I'm in the same table."

"Sorry. You are cute, too." His girlfriend said patting him in the head. "There." The boy rolled his eyes.

"Hi" Angel said reaching the table, a bottle of Pepsi in his hand. "Did I miss something?" he then noticed the blond sitting next to Buffy. "Obviously."

"Hey, Angel" Buffy greeted him, making room for him in the other side of the bench. Spike snorted. What kind of name is 'Angel'? He thought. "This-" she said looking at Spike "is Spike, I told you about him…"

"Oh yeah" he said shaking the boy's hand. "The guy from England, right?" The blond boy looked at him with an ice-cold look. The guy from England. Spike mocked Angel in his mind. I am way more than the 'guy from England,' mate. He then realized that Angel's hand was in Buffy's shoulder. And what's with the touching?

"Is that your lunch?" Buffy asked to his brunette friend.

"Not hungry." Answered Angel rising his bottle of Pepsi. Spike shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"So… what do you do for fun around here?" The British guy asked trying to make conversation.

"Well… there is The Bronze, a night club not far from here. And there is El Victori a Coffee Shop a few block away, we usually go there after school." Willow explained. "If you want you can come with us today." She added politely, Spike smiled at her.

"I'd love to."

"BUT-" jumped in Buffy. "We CANT… we have a meeting, REMENBER? With the band…?" she asked, practically begging to her friends to lie for her.

"No, we don---" started to say Angel, only to be rudely interrupted by Buffy's elbow.

"Ah, yeah, the MEETING." Said Xander nodding vigorously in agreement.

"We have so much to rehearse, I don't know if we are ever going to get out of that garage… I mean with the song so incomplete and the contest coming and everything…" Well, that wasn't a lie, Buffy thought, we are way behind.

"Did you say 'band'?" Spike asked incredulously.

"Yep, band. I am in a band. We are a band." Buffy answered shyly. Ok, at first she hadn't wanted to tell Spike about the band thing, but it had come out in a moment of desperation, the last thing she wanted was to spend the afternoon with the irritating bleach-boy; but now she knew what was going to follow… him making fun of her! She had never been so sure she could actually sing, despite of what other people told her, but she knew for a fact that Spike COULD sing.

"And what do you do? … No, let me guess… you play the triangle." He said smirking.

"For your information, I am the lead singer." Buffy said proudly.

"Whatever you say, luv… I'll just have to see that…" Buffy? Singing? He laughed to himself, now that was something he couldn't picture.

"You can go to the rehearsal if you want." Willow said before Buffy could send her the 'you invite him and I'll kill you' signal.

"That's a great idea, Red." Willow looked at him funny after hearing her new nickname. "I'll be there." Buffy banged her head against the table. Just my luck… "What is the name of the band anyway?"

"Full Circle." Xander answered before introducing to his mouth a spoonful of chocolate pudding.

"Full Circle?" Spike asked, where had he heard that before?

"Yeah, you know, like that Aerosmith song?" Buffy explained and then sang a little bit of the song. "Time, don't let it slip away. Raise yo' drinkin' glass. Here's to yesterday. In Time, we're all gonna trip away. Don't piss Heaven off, we got Hell to pay. Come Full Circle" Realizing that she was SINGING in front of Spike, she shut her mouth rapidly. OK… he had been wrong about that, she CAN sing, thought Spike, asking to himself what other things he didn't know about her… had she really changed that much? Apart from the half inch or so of height and the …oh-so-notable development of her feminine charms.

"I didn't know you liked Aerosmith." Spike commented, he well remember her yelling when he turned the radio too loud, and Aerosmith was one of his favorite bands.

"I didn't…" she said blushing, remembering, too, how much she used to hate that band. "But Xander likes them… he was the one who proposed that name, and it was way better than 'Dingoes ate my babies', so we decided to name it like that."

"I liked Dingoes…" Willow said pouting.

"Only because Oz proposed that name…" Xander added rolling his eyes.

"Well, yeah, I have to support him." The redhead pouted again. "He is my baby." The entire table rolled their eyes now.

**

"And what's with you?" Willow asked to the blond. Lunch was long over and now they were in History, the only class they had together. Buffy had been acting noticeable weird after her 'reunion' with Spike, she was really clumsy –or more than usual- and unbelievably quiet.

"Nothing." She answered flashing a charming smile and bending to lift the book that she had dropped when they reached their seats.

"Drop the act." Her friend advised. "I know something is bothering you."

"It's not 'something' is 'someone'." Buffy sighed and started combing her hair with her fingers.

"Spike…" Willow said knowingly "I don't get it… what is not to love? Is it the blue eyes? Or maybe the bad-boy vibe? Or… I know, the take-me-now kind of body?"

"Willow!" Buffy yelled not believing her ears. "What'd Oz think if he caught you talking like that?" she joked.

"That an alien kidnapped my body?" Willow added following the joke. "Come on, Buffy… what is the problem with Spike? And if you say it's the bleached hair I completely understand your point." Buffy ignored the comment about the hair and went on.

"It's just… complicated, Will. And it's even weirder calling you 'Will' now that the other Will is here." She added to herself.

"What kind of complicated? The I-think-I-like-him-but-he-doesn't kind of complicated?" asked the redhead, looking for a confession.

"Noo, Will." The blond shook her head. "It's WAY more complicated than that, believe me."

"Are you EVER going to tell me?" her friend whined.

"Maybe… yeah, I promise. Just not today." Buffy assured.

"Everything? Including the not-so-pretty details?" Willow pressed, her imagination running wild, but even then she was far from the truth.

"…details?" asked the blond absentmindedly.

She panted against his chest, sweat coming down her forehead making difficult to see, but she could still see his eyes, they were closed and his mouth was open in a silent scream. She ran her fingers along his neck… so soft…

"Details… sure."

**

Did she think her worst nightmare was to stand on the stage and forget the lyrics of the stupid songs? No, her worst nightmare was to stand in front of her former best friend and forget the damn lyrics…

Calm down, Buffy… it's only Spike… it's only your ex-best friend who happens to know a lot about singing… I mean, he used to go to the bands rehearsals and complain about everything he saw and heard, he thinks he know everything… he know everything! He was the stupid teacher pet… that music teacher never liked me…

"Ready, Buff?" Xander asked her, she nodded. Why am I nodding? I am not ready! Then she heard Oz playing the first chords in his guitar. And before she knew it she was starting to sing… and before she knew it she was stopping.

"Wait, wait." It was Spike, he was shaking his head and looking at her in disapproval. "You can do so much better than that, pet. That was horrible."

"And where do you think you are, mister?" Buffy snapped. "American Idol? You can't come here and tell me I'm doing it wrong!"

"Oh, yes I can." The three other members of the band and Willow looked at each other and backed away, they didn't want to be in middle of the fight that was coming. "Just do it again, and this time FEEL it."

"Nuhuh! If you think YOU can do it better why don't YOU do it?" she threatened.

"I'll tell you what…" he said with a smirk. "We'll do it at the same time." He waited for a second; the eyes of every one in the small garage fell on Buffy.

"Ok…" Spike jumped to the little stage in the back of the garage, and grabbed the second microphone. All the others band members resumed their positions, a little disappointed that they hadn't seen a real confrontation.

The music started and Spike closed his eyes, trying to remember the lyrics, it was an old Aerosmith song. Now that he thought about it, the band seemed to like Aerosmith a little too much.

I'm down a one-way street

With a one night stand, he started, those first words a little too familiar for his liking.

With a one track mind

Out in no man's land

The punishment sometimes

Don't seem to fit the crime

Yeah there's a hole in my soul

But one thing I've learned

For every love letter written

There's another one burned, he could swear he saw Buffy wince after that. Why isn't she singing? "Come on, Goldilocks."

So you tell me how it's gonna be this time

Buffy took a huge mouthful of air and started singing with all she had.

Is it over?

Is it over?

'Cause I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind

Tell me how it feels to be

The one who turns

The knife inside of me, they were looking intensely at each other when they reached to this verse, none of them could control the memories that took over their minds.

"Buffy" he gasped against her hair, pleading her to hurt him just a little bit more.

"Faster…" she whimpered.

Take a look and you will find

There's nothing there, girl

Yeah I swear, I'm telling you, girl yeah 'cause

There's a Hole In My Soul

That's been killing me forever

It's a place where a garden never grows, they were practically drinking themselves with their eyes, they even forgot for a minute where they were, who they were with…

There's a Hole In My Soul

Yeah, I should have known better

'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose

Yeah, yeah

The music stopped and Buffy looked away from him, staring at her feet. She became conscious of how quiet it was, no one was saying a word, they were looking mutely at the two singers. Finally Willow said the words that nobody dared to speak:

"Wow… that was… wow." Xander followed:

"Man, Spike, that was awesome." He said shaking his hand in approval.

"You know what? We really need all the help we can get." Oz said. "What do you think about joining the band?" Willow nodded in agreement, looking at the blond.

"But… what about me?" Buffy asked in a whisper.

"Of course you too, Buff!" Xander reached her and gave her a friendly hug. "You two make a great duo… you should listen to you sing together… wow."

"So, what do you say, man?" Oz asked with his usual neutral tone. Spike shrugged and answered with a smile.

"Well, it wont hurt to try…"

"No!" everybody looked at Buffy astonished. "There is no way he is going to be in this band." She said giving them with a menacing look.

"But Buff… we need him." Xander tried to explain, the girl looked at her friends for support, but even Angel was looking at her like she had just grown a second head. She gave an exasperated growl and stormed out of the garage. Willow was starting to run after Buffy but Spike stopped her.

"No, I'll go."

"But-" started the redhead but Spike was long gone. "She is MY best friend." She pouted.

**

"Buffy! Wait!" Spike ran after her, she wasn't far away, just a couple of meters. ((Yeah, yeah, meters, feet, whatever))

"Why are you following me? Willow's supposed to come after me, we'd have a fluffy girl-to-girl talk and then everything would be ok again." The girl babbled, nervously playing with her hands.

"Well, sorry, pet. But this doesn't work like that anymore." He said and moved close to her but she stepped back.

"What? You think you can come here and mess up my life?" Buffy yelled angrily at him, forgetting about not wanting to be close to him and moving forward.

"That was the plan…" he said shrugging and pressing his lip together.

"You are NOT taking my friends away from me." She warned; he looked at her in disbelief.

"I'm not going to do that…" he said with a sincere tone and a confused face. She raised her hands in the air and sighed, feeling annoyed. She started to pace around in front of him.

"You don't even understand what you are doing, do you?" she laughed lazily. "It was always like this. Always! You knew I didn't have friends and when I tried to be with YOUR friends you pushed me away… like they were too good to be with ME. Now I have friends and you want to take them away from me!  Now tell me why should I let you play with my friends if you never let me play with yours?"

"Maybe because we are not 12 anymore?" he asked, sarcasm was his better option. She had never confronted him about that little detail… she had never had friends when she was in England because he had made sure nobody got close to her… But you are the one that doesn't understand, you couldn't be with them because you were supposed to be only MINE. YOU were too good for THEM, luv. He sighed a little infuriated with himself… he had been so selfish when it came to her, never realizing how much he hurt her… "I am not going to do that anymore." He said finally to himself, but loud enough for her to hear.

They looked at each other fervently without saying a word, Willow appeared then…

"We are going… do you guys need a ride?" Buffy turned to her and smiled. Spike continued to look at the spot where the blond had been standing even when she started walking toward Willow.

"If you don't want me to be in the band I wont." He said lastly; and he turned around to face the two friends. Buffy sighed and looked at Willow, she just gave her a pleading smile.

"You can be in the stupid band…"

**

"I never thought I would be in a band… especially with YOU." Spike said in his usual annoying way. He threw himself at the couch where Buffy was sitting on watching TV and let out a tired sigh while laying his head in the girl's lap.

"Hey, hey." Buffy exclaimed, slapping his forehead with her hand until he took his head out of her lap. "What do you think you are doing?" He shrugged and sat up in the couch next to her.

"It didn't use to bother you before." He said rising an eyebrow.

"You said it, BEFORE." The girl explained with a low voice. "Now is now. And now is different."

"And why is that, pet?" he asked moving close to her, his breath hot tickled her nose and she couldn't bear to keep her eyes open anymore. Spike looked at her closed eyes and smirked.

"We are leaving in 2 minutes, Willy!" his mom yelled from the kitchen. He instantly moved to the other edge of the couch and let his head hang in defeat.

"I can't believe I am going shopping with my mother…" he said under his breath.

"Oh, don't worry" Buffy said sarcastically, patting his head in mocked support. "I am sure she'll find you some nice yellow pants to wear when we play in The Bronze… tomorrow." He watched her leave the living room with his eyes as big as they could get. Yellow?… TOMORROW?

"Bloody Hell…"

**

Buffy rocked herself tiredly in the couch, she couldn't even remember what she was watching… some documentary about ants, maybe. She had come back down when Spike left, she knew he was playing with her; moving close to her, almost touching but not really… whispering and letting his not breath caress her cheek… what was he playing at? She had to admit it was exciting in some way, he had never, absolutely never, acted like that in front of her, had he changed that much? Did I break him? She questioned feeling confused. That last night in England… she hadn't seen him act THAT way either, ever, and she had to admit it felt good for a while… until suddenly everything stopped and she was back in earth, in her best friend's room. Naked.

She wondered if she was ever going to have the guts to tell Willow about what happened; but one thing she knew for sure, her friend was going to be VERY surprised. She let out a chuckle. Not the Miss Buffy Innocence everyone thought I was…

The phone rang and she jumped out of the couch, maybe that was Willow right now… not that Buffy was going to tell her anything.  The blond ran to the kitchen telephone to answer.

"I'll get it!" she said to no one in particular, she was alone. "Hello?"

"Hello" an annoying voice with a British accent greeted her. "Is Spike there?"

"No… he went out. May I ask who is speaking?" she asked to the person in the other line, even though she KNEW who it was…

"Drusilla."

"Oh, Dru… hi." She said nervously.

"Buffy, right?" she asked without much interest to know the answer.

"Yes…"

"Tell Spike I called." And without any further words she hung up.

"Did she just hang up on me?" Buffy asked out loud.

**************************************

Did you know pudin in Spanish is pudding in English? I didn't … lol.

Anyway, writing in American English is difficult enough, now I have to write in British English for Spike, just my luck…

Well… this is going somewhere, I swear! Reviewwwwww