Here's the chapter you've all been waiting for! The thoughts that drive Bakura mad are finally revealed!!!

*~*~*~*~*~*

Bakura glared at Ryou. Ryou glared at Bakura.
If they were in a low-budget anime cartoon, their eyes would have zapped sparks at eachother.

"I'm warning you, if you don't stop making me ill..." Bakura began.
"Maybe you should learn a little compassion," Ryou retorted.
"Maybe you should learn to control your warped little mind."
"Maybe you should get a mind."
"Maybe you should get a life."
"Cry-baby."
"Pervert."
"Heartless."
"Sissy."
"If you got any colder you'd drop dead."
"And you're such a ray of bloody sunshine for me right now, aren't you?"
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Bakura."
"Just one of the many services I offer, oh mighty mummy's-boy."
"Better a mummy's-boy than a common thief."
"I am NOT a thief! I am a tomb-robber!"
"Whatever... I bet you couldn't even do that right."

Yugi and Yami watched on with interest, a huge smirk across Yami's face. He did sympathise with Bakura, there could be no doubts about that... but it was always fun to see him getting mad. Yugi simply wondered when they were going to get off eachother's cases.

Bakura started turning red with anger. "You want me to tell carrot-boy your little secret?"
Ryou glared ferociously at Bakura. "Don't even try it," he whispered through gritted teeth. "You'll regret this whole day if you do."
Bakura scoffed at this. "Oh come on, what could you possibly do?" A huge smirk spread across his face. "I know, let's find out!"
Ryou's mouth dropped open in horror. "No! You wouldn't!"
Bakura's smirk turned into an evil grin, the kind of grin that was usually reserved for use only by homicidal maniacs with filed teeth and bad attitudes. "Watch me."

Bakura turned to face Yugi. "Hey, wanna hear what Ryou's been thinking ever since we got in here?"
Ryou charged at Bakura, trying to tackle him. Unfortunately, Bakura saw him coming and sidestepped, sending Ryou careening into a stack of shelves.
"Idiot," Bakura remarked, before turning back to Yugi, a huge smile across his features. "Anyway, as I was saying... Ryou has a little secret." He walked over to Yugi and whispered in his ear. "He fancies Tea."
Ryou's head popped up from the pile of cabbages that had buried him, a huge snarl adorning his usually gentle face.
Yugi looked dumbstruck. "But... why? Her? How? When? I mean... it's TEA we're talking about!"
Bakura smirked. "Oh, it gets better," he continued, a slight laugh in his voice. "You see, he has a few fantasies planned... for example, there's one that involves chains, whips and certain bodily functions -"
Yami dived and grabbed Yugi, pulling him to the floor and covering his virgin ears, not wanting him to hear any more.

Ryou evidently didn't want any of his fantasies shared either. He sprinted across what little space there was between him and his Yami, and tried another tackle. This time he connected, dragging Bakura to the ground with him, right next to Yugi and Yami.
His eyes flashed with a crazed sparkle, and for a second Yugi could have sworn there were two Bakuras in the room. Ryou began screaming at Bakura, emphasising every word with an action.

"I" Ryou punched Bakura in the face. "WARNED" Another punch. "YOU" A backhand slap. "NOT" Bakura's head bounced off the floor. "TO" A knee in the ribs. "TELL" An elbow in the nose. "HIM!" A fist in the temple. Now Ryou stopped being creative, and instead persisted in punching Bakura's face in, using alternating hands. "*I* *WARNED* *YOU!* *WHY* *COULDN'T* *YOU* *JUST* *KEEP* *YOUR* *MOUTH* *SHUT* *JUST* *ONCE???*"
No reply came from Bakura. In fact, all he seemed capable of now was sitting in the corner blithering away quietly to himself. Ryou dragged Bakura out of the way and stood up, panting.

Yugi and Yami looked on in shock. "Erm... are you okay Ryou?" Yugi asked, one hand slowly reaching for Ryou's shoulder. "You've never flipped out like that before..."
"Yeah," Yami agreed. "Though I have to admit..." he paused and gave Ryou a thumbs-up sign. "It was pretty cool!"

Ryou blushed slightly, picking a cabbage leaf out of his hair. "I don't know what came over me... I just didn't want that stuff shared, I guess."
Yugi and Yami gave eachother a quick glance. Yugi opened his mouth to say something, but Bakura interrupted from the corner.

"No mummy... I don't want to cabbage the Nile... I wanna play with Teddy..."

*~*~*~*~*~*

There it is folks! Just try to imagine that for a minute... Ryou and Tea... chains... whips... bodily functions... ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!! Can't blame Bakura for being grossed out! (Or so my opinion goes anyway!)
So there you go, the answer to the question about half a million people have been asking! Don't forget to check out the next chapter, where there'll be sugar-soaked antics (hey, I couldn't resist! ^_^) and... is Yami singing the Spam Song??? (Special thanks to Aesa Bast for that suggestion! *hug*)
So please review, oh darlings, and check back sometime soon for what I hope will be the most maniacal chapter so far!
Oh, and I just read my reviews and notice d a few people are asking what the pairings are going to be. Unfortunately, Yaoi fans, there won't be any Yaoi in this story... however, I'm working on a Yugi\Yami at the moment, have written a couple of Yugi\Ryou's, and am contemplating that earlier suggestion of Yami\Bakura... though I think they'd just end up killing eachother! ^_^