Disclaimer: I don't own anything that belongs to Joss; I don't have enough energy to list it all. I'm making no money off this so if he tries to sue.all the power to him. His lawyers are about the only ones who'd profit.

Summary: Sequel to Bloody Hell. We all know there's more to Xander than meets the eye. but his friends don't. He intends to keep it that way only life gets in the way, as usual.

A/N: You might want to be slightly familiar with season four because that's when this story is based and some facts come directly from the show. I got all my information from BuffyWorld- a complete guide to all Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel episodes. So I'd like to thank them along with my beta Tray. ***

Pretense of Living

Chapter 1: Return of the Zeppo (Never Underestimate the Power of the Twinkie)

Xander

It's strange. After all the shit that went down this summer I came home and finally grasped the fact that everything was going to be the same as I had left it. My father is still an abusive drunken bastard, my friends still white hats fighting the good fight trying to push me out for my own good. And me? I am still going to be playing the part of the Zeppo. I'm stuck playing something I no longer am. By my own hand. With no way out. I can't exactly jump up and say, "Hey guys you don't have to treat me with kid gloves anymore. I can pull my own weight. Hell, I can pull your weight too. Want to see?" As much as I yearn for them to treat me like an equal, and to see the looks on their faces, I just can't bring myself to dump my problems on them. I have years of experience when it comes to keeping the painful truth secret. I figured that one more undisclosed part of my life wouldn't be that much harder to handle when I told Methos and Richie that I was going back. I didn't want them to be burdened with my troubles before and I still don't. I'll admit I'm not just doing it solely out of the kindness of my heart. There's a good dose of selfishness mixed in. Knowledge of my abilities would give us a major edge in the slayage of bad guys. But Willow would never be able to look at me the same way if she found out just how many people I've had to kill to keep my head where it belongs and Buffy would never see me as a non-threat again. She'd always look at me and see someone who could easily hurt those she was destined to protect. I've been putting off a confrontation, out of guilt maybe, because I know that I'll be spending a great deal of my time lying to them about this summer.

'God help me, but I am glad to be home.'

The familiar pulse and beat of music thundered through the Bronze. While it wasn't my first stop tonight it was about the 14th. Cemeteries first, habits die hard, but they were dead as far as vamps were concerned. 'I guess the summer lull is still in effect.' I took another sip of my Coke and swept the shifting figures on the dance floor. While I didn't have Buffy's good eye for fashion faux pas I had my own way of detecting the undead. I took another swig to wash the bitter taste from my mouth. 'Oh yeah. My own handy dandy id service. One vamp to another and all that.'

The band on stage switched to a slow mournful tune and couples took the excuse to snuggle closer. At that moment Buffy entered looking as if the music perfectly suited her mood. 'Down is not the right word.' She repeated my earlier gesture, sweeping the crowd, and impossibly looked more dejected afterward. Shoulders slumped as she drug her feet to the couch. Buffy didn't quite flop down, but it was close. 'Better go see what's got the Buffster in the dumpster.' Leaving my drink, I made my way to my long time no-see friend.

"The whole world in front of her, and she comes back to this dive." I quipped in Buffy's ear after coming up behind her and simultaneously crouching to wrap my arms around her shoulders. She gave a start and I got a little satisfaction in knowing that I'd caught her unaware.

"Xander!" She twisted in my arms to look up at me. I felt a twinge of guilt at the obvious eagerness on her face at seeing me.

"Hey, Buff." I came around the couch and sat next to her.

"Oh, when did you get back?" She looked like she wanted to cling to me.

I hesitated for a few seconds. "Couple days ago." The best lies are mostly truth. Shock colored her face and she punched my arm, on the side of hard. If not for my interesting summer I had a feeling a bruise would have been forming.

"You freak of nature. Why didn't you call me?" Thunderclouds began roaring on the horizon.

"Well, I knew you guys were starting the whole college adventure and I didn't want to," 'Shit think fast Harris.' "um, you know... help you move." I finished lamely. I wanted to hit my head on the couch arm. However, Buffy seemed to buy it.

"I missed you. How was your trip? Is America nice? I hear it's nice." 'Always with the hard ones Buff. Oh well, time for the joking. '

"There's some purple mountains majesty, I'm gonna have to say." I slipped into character easily.

Buffy plowed on despite that rather absurd answer. "What'd you do? What'd you see?"

"Well... " 'I died, slayed, killed, and got staked. I saw vampires, immortals, Angel, oh and lets not forget Drusilla.'

"Tell me!"

'Sorry Buff.'

"'Grand Canyon!'" I blurted. It was the first thing non-weirdo related that popped into my mind.

Buffy seemed impressed. "You saw the Grand Canyon!"

Inwardly, I smiled. "Well, I saw the movie 'Grand Canyon,' on cable." 'I enjoyed that cable at Chez Adam.' " Really lame."

"Hunh?" She looked utterly lost there.

'Ah time for the cover story.'

I'd had fun thinking this one up. "Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally." Yep. " So, I ended up washing dishes at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club'," 'Kitty's Men, not so fabulous or so clubish.' "for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I managed to trade it for something not entirely made of rust and made it back to this fair burg. How's college?"

Buffy face was a cross between disbelief and disbelief. "Male strippers?"

"No power on this earth!" I answered forcefully, inwardly laughing.

"Ok." She visibly tore her mind away from what was probably a very funny mental image. "College is good."

I quirked an eyebrow at her. 'My Aunt Betsy's a better liar when she's three sheets to the wind.'

"Ok, uh, once more with even less feeling." I punched the air.

"No, really! I-I mean, Willow's in heaven and Oz has this really cool house off campus with the band." She didn't look at me as she spoke. 'That's them.' I silently mused.

"And you're sitting here alone at the Bronze looking like you just got diagnosed with cancer of the puppy. " Buffy looked away.

"It's just... there was this vampire, and she took me down, and I just... I don't know how to stop her. She turned this guy I sort of liked stole his stuff then she beat on me and stole my stuff. All I've got is a bare mattress and a note saying I couldn't take it and took off." Her thumb rubbed anxiously against her knuckles as she told me about it.

I smiled. Gung-ho Xander reporting for duty. "Then where's the gang? Avengers assemble! Let's get it going!"

"No, I don't want to bug them. I mean they're just starting school, and they don't need this." She looked really crestfallen.

'This isn't like her.' " Ok Buff, what's the 'what' here?"

She took a deep breath and let it out. Then waved her hands around mournfully. "It's just, what if I can't cut it?" I could hear the self- doubt in her voice. Something I am not unaccustomed to.

"Can't cut what? Slaying?" I gently probed.

She sighed. "Slaying, everything."

The only cure I know of for self-doubt is laughter. Laughing at myself usually but maybe for her laughing at me will be enough. "Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. 'Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger.' No wait, hold on. 'Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side.' Hold on, no, umm, 'First you get the women, then you get the money, then you...' okay, can we forget that?" 'Ha all those years with Willow made me an expert at babble speak.'

The smile that graced Buffy's face was worth my self-deprecation half- hearted though it was. "Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk, I feel much more abstract now."

She's still fighting it. Okay to the root of the matter then. "The point is, you're Buffy. "

"Yeah, maybe in high school I was Buffy. " She looked away, face drawn.

"And now in college you're Betty Louise? " I guess I'm not the only one with an identity disorder.

Falsely cheerful, she straightened and did her best hick impression. "Yeah, I'm Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake, Illinois." She slumped down again and whispered, "Or I might as well be." I got off the couch and crouched before her feeling slightly silly. Pushing that feeling aside I focused on Buffy, my hurting friend.

Gathering my thoughts I said, "Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life, faced some scary things, among them the kitchen at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club.' Let me tell you something, when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think, 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero." I spoke more truth than I had in a while. I continued with a diversion. "Ok, sometimes when it was dark and I was all alone I'd think, 'What is Buffy wearing?'"

Buffy's face screwed up at that last detail. "Can that be one of those things you never, ever, tell me about?"

I smiled. "It's a deal." I stood up. "Let's put this bitch in the ground! What do you say?" She held out her right hand and I helped her up.

"I think I say thank you." I saw some of the fire returning to her eyes.

Time to bring up the cover story again. "And nothing says thank you like dollars in the waistband. Ok, what do we do first?" Buffy looked slightly distressed at that. She'd been raring to go and now she was stuck at where to go. Turning my mind to the problem, I started talking. "Alright so she tried to set it up so it looked like you just took off? And it's safe to assume they've done this more than twice because you know vamps, no originality. There should be records of all the kids who've 'taken off' in the administration building right?"

The uncertainty disappeared and her face lit up. "Right!"

Now to reassert my stupidity. "Uh, exactly where is that?" Buffy rolled her eyes.

Buffy

The glass window made a satisfying crunch as I put my elbow through it. This wasn't the first time I'd done something on the shady side of morality. Breaking an entering isn't anything major compared to blowing up a school or burning one down though. I stepped inside wincing as I heard the glass crunch with every step. 'Good thing the guards here are as fond of their sleep as those all over Sunnydale.' The inside of the office looked like every other one I'd ever been in, those mostly being principal's. Eyes lighting on the computer I made a beeline for it. While I might not be a wizard at computer manipulation, Willow has taught me well. I heard Xander enter as glass broke even more beneath his feet. Looking up I saw him going for the newspapers on the desk.

Turning back to the screen I began punching the keys with my right hand and started my search. "Kids disappearing every year. Not too many, just enough so that everyone thinks they up and left." I muttered as I called up the info on students.

I heard papers rustling. "I still can't believe the vampires took your stuff. Murder I expect, but petty larceny seems so... petty."

I had to agree there. Stealing some college kid's stuff seems so.low on the terror scale. "They have to be keeping it somewhere, on campus or at least near by."

"Hey, how far back do the disappearances go?" 'Valid question.'

I looked at the frequency of leavers. "Uhh... they weren't too common before '82."

The rustling stopped. "Match number! Check this out." I looked up as he carried two newspapers over to me.

"'Psi Theta loses its charter. Building to be closed for renovation.'" I read out loud.

Xander nodded so vigorously I thought his head might fall off. "1982. Look at this." He picked up the other paper and started reading from it. "'Former Psi Theta fraternity house lies dormant while zoning issues drag on before the city council.' We have a winner."

"Looks pretty cherry." My fears came back and I started feeling uneasy again.

"You up for a little reconnaissance?" Xander asked with a grin.

I frowned. "You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff?" 'What does that have to do with anything?'

"No, that was the renaissance." Xander corrected me.

"Oh. I've had a really long week. Let's go look at the house. " I wondered briefly why he knew that, then dismissed it.

Xander

It made sense the being able to see in darkness ability that I'd inherited from the vamp demon, they wouldn't want to spend eternity bumping into things, but I doubted I'd ever get used to it. Reading the "This Property Closed to the Public" and "Keep Out" signs, I crept up to the building trailing behind Buffy and letting her take charge. I think her confidence still needed some boosting. She tilted her head to the roof and I nodded. I could see a skylight up there. It'd be easier to spy on them through it than any of the ground floor windows where they might see us. Up on the roof, Buffy cleared some debris from the skylight as she laid on it. Joining her, I could see the vamps below us going through Buffy's things.

"Score!" There was triumph in her whisper. One of the vamps held a skirt up to herself and shook her hips.

"Look how tough I am." She pantomimed Buffy's voice, making fun of her. I looked over at her to see how she'd take it.

"Oh! That's my skirt! You're never going to fit in it with those hips! We have to kill them!" 'Angry's good. It's better than defeated.'

"We need weapons." I pointed out. I had my guns and a few stakes but I couldn't use just those to handle a nest like this in front of Buffy. That just wouldn't fit with her version of me.

She nodded and squinted down below. "I don't see my weapons trunk down there. It was right by my bed. Mr. Gordo?" Her voice became like frozen steel. Suddenly I pitied those poor vamps. "Go to my room." I almost grinned at her command. 'She's back' "If it's not there try Willow's. I'll keep an eye... my diary?!? " I winced at the high squeal in her voice. I'd had my hearing up on high in case some vamp had tried to sneak up on us. I rubbed my ear. 'That hurt.'

"Uh-oh, score!" Another vampire crowed plucking up the diary.

"I'll hurry!" I started shimmying back to solid ground. 'Great Harris, now what are you going to do? You can't just leave her here.'

I deliberately dawdled, but Buffy was no longer paying any attention to me. She was focusing on the vampires vandalizing her stuff. I heard Buffy growl. "Laugh all you want, this time we play it my way. And the rules are just going to be a little bit..."

I was halfway to the edge of the roof when I heard cracking. I turned back, a warning on my lips, only to see her fall through the skylight. 'Shiiiit.' I ran back and looked down. Buffy had hit the floor right smack dab in the middle of the vamps.

Sunday

It's not everyday a mortal wanders into our lair. Falling into it happens even less often. I looked at the pathetic thing that had fallen through our roof and wondered what frat had dared her to make this suicidal pledge. The fact that this building is haunted is well known along with the one that anyone that comes here never returns. As she got up I realized that I recognized this particular meat. The Slayer. Back for more. I can't believe I was even slightly scared of her. "Say, don't I know you from... beating the crap out of you?"

She got up and tried to look tough. "I just thought I'd drop in. Get it? Drop in? Boy, tough room." I rolled my eyes at her stupid quip. 'Any lamer and she'd be Seinfield.' I took her in. No weapons and the way she was holding her arm made it positively look broken. Easy kill. However my mother always said I liked to play with my food too much, and she should know.

I raised my hands up in mock submission. "I must say, you've really got me now. I mean, it's a diabolical plan, throw yourself at my feet with a broken arm and no weapons of any kind. How'm I going to get out of this one?"

"You got a nice set-up here, but you made one mistake." She threatened.

Hmm, might as well ask. It's expected. "Yeah? What was that?"

The little miss seemed to lose her bravado. "Well, I'm not actually positive, but statistically speaking people usually make at least..." 'Well enough is enough.' I smiled as my punch took her breath away.

Willow

Oz and I'd stopped by to see Buffy only to find Kathy, Buffy's roommate, looking at a bare mattress with a note in her hand. "Uh, where's Buffy's stuff?" I was pretty sure I remembered her having stuff in her room. I did.

Kathy turned to us. "It's gone. So is she." She gave us the note. After reading it my heart sank.

'This is all just too much for me. I have decided to take off. Sorry I didn't have time to say goodbye but I need to be by myself. Good luck this year. Buffy'

She was gone? When? Numbly, I gave the note back to Kathy who read it again as if it would change.

"It seems kind of weird." She handed the note to Oz again.

He read it for a second time and nodded. "Yeah, weird's a pretty good word for it."

"Buffy wouldn't just take off, th-that's just not in her nature." Last summer popped into my mind. "Except for that one time she disappeared for several months and changed her name, but there were circumstances then. There's no circumstances." I babbled. She'd done it once. What would stop her from doing it again? I was a bad friend. Something had happened and I wasn't there for her so she left. Oh, bad me, bad me.

"Does Buffy have a history of emotional problems? 'Cause on my request form I was pretty specific about a stable non-smoker." Kathy put in annoyingly. Buffy's gone! No time for you to think about your request form!

"I don't think this is her handwriting." Oz sounded slightly perplexed. I wasn't listening anymore.

"I bet there were circumstances! We've probably been so wrapped up in our own petty lives that... that we totally missed the circumstances. We're bad friends!" I told Oz everything that had been running through my mind.

"Let's think this through." He answered.

Amazed, I stared at him. We'd been bad friends. "How can you be so calm?"

"Long, arduous hours of practice." He didn't blink at my newest accusation. Sometimes it is down right annoying to have a boyfriend that takes everything in stride. "Now either Buffy took off, or she was robbed, or..." The phone rang. Oz looked at me and at Kathy, then picked up the phone. "Hello?" Oz turned his head to stare directly into my eyes. He said, "A prank? Oh, that makes sense. Xander says that some 'old' friends took Buffy's stuff as a prank. They went to get it back."

'Xander?' I asked silently with my eyes.

Oz nodded slightly.

I was happy Xander was back but why would he be calling about a prank.oh, of course, vampires. I maybe slow to the up take but I'm not stupid. Old equals vampires. I nodded back as Oz listened to Xander.

"They're throwing a party and they can't find Buffy's party chest?" Oz continued. This time I got it right away. He meant Buffy's weapon chest. I checked the ended of the bed. Not there. I shook my head at Oz. "Oh you've got it there. At the old Psi Theata frat house? Thanks we'll be right over." I looked over at Kathy who was looking really confused.

"It was all a prank?" Her forehead was all scrunched up.

"Yep. Well we've got to be getting to that party." Oz answered saving me from having to come up with something to say myself then grabbed my arm and started pulling me out the door.

"Uh, nice meeting you." I called over my shoulder.

Just to be sure I knew what we were rushing head long into, I whispered to Oz, "Vampires?"

He nodded.

I groaned. "Oh joy. What else did Xander say?"

"We have to get to your place to get supplies. Buffy's holding them off but we need to get over there."

Buffy

Once more the air got knocked out of me as I fell after taking a hit. 'I'm going to suffocate at this rate.' Gasping, I looked up to see my trunk not ten feet away. 'Damn I sent Xander away for nothing.' I started pulling myself towards it only to be blocked by Sunday's feet. Not sure why I even bothered I looked up. I saw red when I made out my Class Protector award in her hands.

"Oh, and this. This is my favorite item." The same sadistic grin that had been on her face all night grew bigger as she taunted me.

"You don't want to touch that. " Anger filled me as she twirled the award in her hands.

My heart stopped when she dropped it on the floor and stomped on it. I looked at the broken handle then turned my gaze to that laughing face. I've never hated anyone more than in that moment. The one sign of recognition I'd ever gotten and she destroyed it! Sunday moved quickly, but not that quickly. I let her grab my arm. I winced in pain but let her think she had me. "You know this arm's not looking so good. It might have to come off." She purred into my ear.

"You want to know the truth? I only need one." I whispered letting my grim hate pour into my voice. I hit her. Hard. My roundhouse punch sent her spinning away from me. Rolling to my feet I kicked Sunday in the face and flipped her over the couch onto the coffee table. Catching some broken wood from the coffee table with my foot I kicked it into her face. Sunday fell into a pile of clutter.

"This is startin' to suck." I heard one of the other vamps remark behind me. I kept my attention on Sunday. She was the most dangerous, proving it she got up all vamped out. I saw the fat vamp rushing me from the corner of my eye; he was kind of hard to miss. Grabbing a tennis racket and stepping onto the arm of a chair I delivered a roundhouse kick to Sunday following, through with a backhand swing with the racket into FatVamp's face to complete the motion. Sunday did a neat fly over of the couch and Fatso broke my racket making it a perfect stake. I flipped it to hold in the correct way for it's new job. Sunday decided to get up close and personal and rushed me. Another vamp decided that the sight of me holding a stake was too much and headed to the door. I smiled. 'Once more striking fear into unbeating hearts. Yeah!'

I heard the door opening and spared a quick glance in time to see the fleeing vampire become dust as Xander stepped through the door and jammed his stake into his heart. Oz came in behind him brandishing a cross with Willow in the rear carrying a crossbow. I turned back to Sunday who'd taken advantage of my distraction to take a swing at my left side. Trying I to hurt me where I'd already been wounded. Cheap trick. I grabbed her wrist as she swung taking her by surprise with my alertness and twisted it flipping her to the floor.

I heard a, "Woah!" and took the chance to look. One of the vampires crumbled to reveal Willow's crossbow raised. I gazed down at the fallen vamp. "When you look back at this, in the three seconds it'll take you to turn to dust," I saw FatVamp decide it was a good time to leave and make a break for it but I couldn't turn from what I was doing to deal with the lackey. I didn't have to worry though, because Xander staked him from behind. I silently congratulated him on his stealthy approach, which even I hadn't seen. "I think you'll find the mistake was touching my stuff."

Sunday got to her feet and I backpedaled, not wanting her to catch me in a lucky blow. She rushed and I swung at her with my good arm. Sunday blocked catching it in a hold.

"What about breaking your arm?" She grabbed my right arm and I almost cried out, "How'd that feel?"

"Let me answer that with a head butt." I gritted my teeth and threw my head back. I heard a crunch and she let go of me, staggering back. "And for the record," I made a fist with my left hand, "the arm is hurt." I uppercut Sunday sending her flying. "Not broken."

Xander

Once Buffy had fallen into the nest of vampires I had no choice but to stay and make sure Buffy didn't end up dead. I'd pulled out my cell and called back up, thanking my lucky stars that I'd asked Joyce for Buffy's number the other day. Watching Buffy get beat may not have been the hardest thing I'd had to do in my life, but it was one of the harder ones. I wanted to rush to her rescue but I couldn't. First of all she needed this fight, needed to know she could beat Sunday. Or else she'd forever haunt Buffy. I knew Buffy could win a few seconds into the fight. The vampire had power but no control or real skill. If Buffy hadn't been so down about college I imagine their first fight would have ended with Sunday needing a dust buster to collect herself. Secondly, I didn't want to give up my image as normal that easily. Not for that shoddy excuse for a vamp. I waited near the bushes for back up to arrive, staking a vamp that happened to be unlucky enough to discover me.

Fighting as a normal human is harder than I expected. I have to keep fighting my instincts to shift into vamp mode. Dodging another sloppy swing I tried to make it look harder than it was. Oz got behind him and beaned him over the head with a cross.

"That's going to make for an interesting bald spot." I quipped.

When the enraged vamp turned to lunge at me Oz crouched down behind him. Then I pushed the vamp over the kneeling Oz. Oz stood and the vamp ended up on its back. Quickly I moved in for the kill. The stake slid in easily as I used a little of my real strength.

Another vamp, wearing a black tee shirt with a skull on it, took off by crashing through a window on the other side of the room. He was too far off for me to get to, like I had with the fat vampire by using a burst of speed, without someone seeing. Besides the vamp Buffy was fighting, all the rest were beneath us or gone. We surrounded Buffy, backing her up.

"Hey, Buff. Need a hand?" Oz asked.

Buffy twirled her stake around showing off. "No thanks." She twisted around and threw the stake into Sunday's heart. "I'm good." Sunday shook her head and put her hands on her hips as she turned to dust. Buffy went over and picked up her 'Class Protector' award. I noticed the way she cradled the broken handle and winced. That award meant a lot to Buffy. I remember how happy she was when she received it. I looked at the boxes of stuff filling the house.

"Well Buffster, looks like I'll be helping you move after all. Darn." Buffy looked up and gave me a smile.

I grabbed a box and started collecting Buffy's stuff. The rest of the gang followed suit. Buffy reluctantly placed her award in a box and started picking up with the rest of us. After Buffy checked everything to make sure that her stuff was all there and that it was her's, we headed out.

I started thinking. "So, all that other stuff in there? That's just gonna sit in there, right? Uh, I mean, no one owns it in the strictest sense."

Oz frowned. "It seems wrong, somehow." I nodded. If we called the cops they'd probably just throw it out or impound it. Maybe even sell it, seeing as how dirty the cops are in Sunnydale.

"We could donate it to charity?" The gang all looked at me in surprise. "Hey what would I do with a rowing machine?"

I heard footsteps fast and hard on pavement. I turned in time to see Giles carrying a crossbow in one hand and a battle-axe and cross in the other running towards us. "Buffy! "



"Hi, Giles." Called Willow chipper as ever.

I raised an eyebrow at him as he stopped in front of us. "What's with the arsenal?"

I was mildly amazed that he wasn't panting, but then again he is in better shape than he looks. Keeping up with a Slayer is no easy feat. "I've been awake all night. I know I'm supposed to teach you self-reliance, but I can't leave you out there to fight alone. To hell with what's right, I'm ready to back you up. Let's find the evil a-and fight it together. "

'A little late aren't we G-man?'

Buffy shared an amused glance with me. "Great! Thanks! We'll get right on that."

We stepped around him and continue walking. Giles followed us. "The evil is this way?" He sounded confused.

"My room is." I was impressed that she said it straight faced.

Not to be out done, I said, "Which constitutes."

"Hey Giles, could you get this box on top?" Willow did her best helpless little girl thing, and Giles folded for as much of it as he could see over the box in front of her face. He juggled his weapons and grabbed the box.

I turned to Buffy and smiled. "So, college not so scary after all, hunh?"

She smiled back at me. "It's turning out to be a lot like high school, which I can handle. At least I know what to expect."

Max

'I was lucky to get out of there. I should have known when Sunday challenged the Slayer and didn't kill her that it was time to hit the road.' I brushed some dust, what was left of Bret, off my shirt. He's stuck to the skull decal. Giving up on getting my fellow vampire wiped off, I started sneaking from tree to tree again. I wasn't about to wait around for the Slayer to catch up with me. Biting my lip, I looked out at the clear area between cover. 'Just have to chance it.' A couple of feet in, I heard a twig snap. 'Damn.' I turned. Two somethings hit my chest. Then there was pain. Hot burning pain that spread through my no longer working veins. I shook with the pain. I went down, unable to stop as my legs folded up beneath me. From behind the very trees I'd used to hide came three men dressed in camo and wearing ski masks. One was holding a rope, another a pistol, and the third held a rifle. Slowly they stalked towards me. I'd seen enough X-Files to realize I was in deep shit.

Xander

Standing on the walk outside Buffy's dorm, I looked up at her window. Buffy's self doubt about college was just a reminder of how she has a choice. I, with my grades and supposed lack of funds, have none. No, if I want to be here I have to be what they expect of me. I think the choices are the things that scared Buffy the most about college. She's used to not having any. The whole Chosen One destiny thing pretty much had decided her life for her. No matter how she rails against it I think she finds comfort in knowing exactly what her life entails. So she's gone her whole life following what was set before her only to get to college where you're not forced to do anything but have to do it of your own free will. I think it scared her and confused her. Made her feel inadequate. I can sympathize. I felt that way all through high school.

My life has been, as it turns out, the complete opposite. I used to be wide open where she had to walk a narrow predefined path. I never had the luxury of knowing what my life was going to be like in the future, or Hell, even what it was going to be like the next day. My father wasn't going to force me to do anything since he just didn't give a shit and he certainly didn't have any expectations.

'He has called me a worthless loser practically my whole life after all.'

All he wants is for me to not be home as often as possible, which I willingly do. Then there was slaying. If I'd really wanted to I could have told Buffy to go to hell and no one would have been able to force me, or have wanted to, back into the dark. I was a nobody. No one no was going to come gunning for me like they did for Buffy when she tried to quit. Still I made my choices. I picked to fight the good fight not because I was destined to but because I wanted to. It was the harder path but I still chose to take it. Now I find my choices limited. My life has been defined for me by a twist of fate. The Gathering looms in my future, a thought that makes me sick to my stomach.

'Betray my friends in a rather permanent way by cutting their heads off for some mystical undefined prize? No thanks.'

There can only be one. Well I don't want to be the one who does the Reaping. For all I care the Game can go to Hell as long as it doesn't visit the Hellmouth. Yet I can't escape it anymore than Buffy can escape vampires and fighting. All I can do is try and survive it.

Sighing, I turned away as the light went out in Buffy's room.

tbc. ***

I know this took a long time to get out, and a lot of people have been patiently or not so patiently waiting for it, I'm sorry but I'm a slow writer. I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for more. As I said I'm slow. However I'll try to get it out before next year.