A/N: I finally finished writing this. It's 2:08 in the morning, and I'm tired, but I finished it. I had to go back and read the entire story over again, and then read the actual Lani Garver book, before I figured out how I was going to do this. I think it came out okay.

Same disclaimer, same warning.

Note: In the last chapter, I seem to have messed up and put "Chapter Four" instead of "Chapter Five". Oops. I must have been half-asleep. Why is it I can only write this particular story late at night?

Chapter Six: In Which Takeru Suffers A Hurting Heart

I sat on the only chair in my room, at my writing desk, staring hard at the paper I had just scribbled on. My eyes hurt vaguely because it was late at night. I could hear the TV in the living room. My mom was still awake. The pencil in my hand felt slick with sweat. My hand was starting to cramp from gripping the pencil so hard. My back felt tensed up because I didn't know if my mom was going to open the door the next second to tell me to go to bed or ask me if I was alright or anything.

The poem on the paper did not come from normal Takeru. It came from the Takeru inside me that only comes out late at night, in poems and dark nightmares that are thick with blood and sweat and crying that only I could hear. This night Takeru loved to sit and wait somewhere deep inside of me, waiting for that vulnerable moment late at night when I lay awake, plagued with thoughts that scared me into keeping myself awake, fearing the dreams they would leave me with if I drifted off to sleep.

The poem probably needed a stanza or two more, but all of the inspiration had flown out of me like a soul departing from a dying body. I had remained with my pencil poised in the air, my hand shaking slightly, and my body sweating. The fan was on high already, so I couldn't make it any cooler in my room. I felt like going into the kitchen, grabbing ice from out of the ice machine box, filling the bathtub up with ice cubes, and laying in them until they numbed me enough to keep the bad thoughts away and enabled me to fall asleep.

I slammed my hand down over the paper to cover up the bad words and the dark, shaded in letters describing the hatred and rage that festered inside of me daily. Eating disorders can make a person very snappy and crabby. They can also drive a person insane, or at least that's what my mom told me when she was trying to get me to tell her what I really thought about.

Closing my hand, the paper crumbled in between my palm and my clenched fingers. I stared down at my hand for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and sighing it all out, letting the paper go and straightening it out against the desk. I folded it four times and took it to my closet. After it was safely inside of my box and placed in the back of my closet, I finally crawled into bed.

The clock said it was nearing three in the morning. Was it really that late? My eyes suddenly felt heavier than ever and soon I couldn't keep them open anymore. When sleep finally claimed me, I was curled up on the edge of my bed, blankets hardly even covering me.

~ ~ ~ ~

I finally got out of bed at around one in the afternoon. My mom was on the phone with who I was guessing was Hikari. She kept giggling and saying "I know" every few seconds, with various inflections each time she said it.

"I knooooow...I know, right?...ugh, I know..."

I stared at her, standing in the hallway, in front of my bedroom door, knowing she wouldn't notice me standing there. I was waiting to see if she mentioned my name. I had caught her talking about me to Hikari behind my back over the phone more than one time in the past. She often chatted with Hikari and somehow brought the topic around to me, trying to figure out if there was anything about me I wasn't telling her. I hated how she couldn't trust me like that. Just because I had a stupid eating disorder, she thought I should also have a mental disorder or something.

She seemed to be trying to figure out exactly what happened the night I got my head cut open. She was grumbling about "those damned wild boys", which is what she says when referring to Akito and Yukio.

I started walking back into my room, but then Mom noticed me and began calling to me.

"Hey, Takeru! Hikari says to stop being such a dork and get over here to talk to her!"

"Tell her I just fainted or died or something."

"Oh, Takeru," she sighed dramatically.

She began to complain about me to Hikari, so I turned, stalked over to her, grabbed the phone from her hand, and went straight to my room, slamming the door behind me.

I slowly let the anger drain from my body, calming myself and trying to make my voice groggy. I lifted the phone.

"Hello?" I asked in a rather good sleepy-voice.

"You were still asleep?" Hikari asked, sounding surprised. I usually got up much earlier than this, even on Sundays. I was usually up by eleven o' clock.

I was about to answer when she started talking again. I shut my mouth.

"Why didn't you call me at least once yesterday? We were all still worried about you. I mean, you only split your head open two nights ago. I haven't talked to you since we dropped you off that night."

I reached a hand up to pinch the bridge of my nose. "Oh, sorry. I forgot."

"You forgot? You forgot that you cracked your skull open?"

"I think you're making the wound worse than it actually is," I said calmly, rubbing one eye with my palm.

"You always forget!" she yelled, ignoring my last comment. "You're always daydreaming and your mind is always off God-knows-where and you never pay attention to me or any of the others! What is with you, Takeru? Why have you been so distant lately? And where the hell were you yesterday? I kept calling and your mom said you were supposed to be back soon, but you never came back."

I waited until I had a few seconds of silence to make sure she was done bitching.

"Sorry," I muttered. I didn't want to tell her where I had been, knowing she'd get angry with me if she knew I was off with Ken. "I had to...go get my head stitched. I figured while I was out I'd better get my head taken care of."

I felt guilty already for lying to her, but comforted myself with the fact that I really had done that, though I wasn't telling her the whole story.

"Does it look ugly?"

I made a face, though she couldn't see me. "What do you think?"

"You don't have to get bitchy with me," she snapped.

I was about to say something like 'I'm bitchy?', but I kept my mouth shut.

The guilt was really starting to get to me and I kept feeling the urge to spill to her about everything: Ken, the hospital, the doctors, the test, and meeting Daisuke and Yamato.

I finally caved in and sighed. "You know..." I started tentatively, "that guy we saw at school, Ken Ichijouji?"

She paused for a second, breathing the name to herself again, and then said, "Oh yeah, the guy-chick."

I cringed slightly at the crude mention but decided to let it slide. "I sort of...went to the hospital with him."

I felt disappointed when she said, "Oh shit, Takeru. Ken Ichijouji?"

"Yeah," I responded softly.

She was silent for awhile, which was something I didn't hear often. When she started asking tons of questions, I knew she was more upset about it than she was letting on.

"Forget that, how are you? Are you feeling alright? Is your head okay? Have you bled any more?"

I answered her questions carefully. I didn't want to make her mad and have her snap at me again. My head already felt like it had a headache coming on.

I had been toying with the idea of telling her about my eating disorder for a long time, but now I doubted that she would take it easily. Would she freak out and tell everyone? Would she be able to keep it to herself?

"Uh...what were you doing with him, anyways?"

I paused, contemplating telling her about the night I went to his house and slept there for nearly two and a half hours. I took a deep breath and began to tell her everything, from the point where I walked into the fast food restaurant - though I told her I really did go to the bathroom, so she wouldn't know I'd gone in to run away from her - to when I finally got home that night. I told her that he had told me he knew a place where I could get my head fixed up, instead of telling her he was taking me to see someone about my eating disorder. I knew that if I decided to tell her the truth about my bulimia, she'd be angry about my lying about this now, but I figured she would understand why I'd felt the need to lie to her.

"So was his house...weird?"

I felt both surprised and confused. "What? No. It was just like any other house."

"Did you meet his parents?"

"Uh, yeah, I met his mom."

"And how was she?"

I blinked and stared at my wall blankly. "She was dressed in black rags and was stirring some weird, green, bubbly substance in a huge black cauldron."

"Takeruuuu," she whined. "I was just wondering, that's all."

"He's just a normal kid, Hikari. Quit being prejudiced against him, or however it is that you feel about him. Ken is cool, and I liked hanging out with him. He has a nice house, a nice mom, nice friends, and he treats me a hell of a lot better than I'm used to being treated."

"You met some of his friends?" she asked incredulously.

Leave it to Hikari to completely miss the most important sentence in my speech.

"Yeah, uh, they had tentacles, and-"

"Ugh, I'm never calling you in the morning ever again. If you aren't going to be nice to me, then I'd better just hang up and try to talk to you later, when you're in a sensible mood."

I hated the way she could turn things around and make me look like the bad guy. Like I had been the one being rude and judging her new friends and acting like I was better than they could ever be. I was about to tell her about that when she hung up on me. I put the phone back down and sighed.

I rubbed my forehead, trudged back to my bed, and climbed in, trying to fall back asleep and forget I'd ever even woken up.

~ ~ ~ ~

"Why were you hanging out with that faggot, anyways, Takeru?"

I gave Taichi what had to be the millionth glare in his direction that day. I should have known Hikari would spill everything to everyone the first chance she got. I cursed myself for being so forgiving towards her and agreeing to meet them all for lunch in the café.

My hand raised to shove another piece of my ravioli into my mouth, but I forced myself to only bite half of it off. My stomach protested vehemently and I did my best to ignore it. When I found the piece headed towards my mouth again a minute later I slammed my arm back down onto the table. Hikari jumped slightly and turned to stare at me oddly.

"What is with you today, Takeru?! Why are you being so weird?"

I raised an arm to cover my face, resting my hand on top of my head. I knew I was probably blushing. They had to all be staring at me now. I decided I needed to tell Hikari to try talking in a lower voice next time.

"I'm on a diet," I said, saying the first thing that had come to my mind. "I'm trying not to eat more than my stomach really needs."

"Diet? You're skinny as fuck!" Taichi said, pointing out the obvious.

Of course, with that comment, everyone started looking over my body, nodding in agreement. I blushed even more. I hated it when people stared at my skinny body. It made me feel so self-conscious.

"So why were you with Ken?" Miyako asked in a much more gentle tone than Hikari or Taichi had used.

"Getting my head stitched up," I replied.

She smiled at me in a sort of way that made me think she knew we did more than just that. She was the only one that hadn't indirectly or discreetly bad-mouthed Ken yet. She even seemed like she would have liked to hang out with him, too. She probably just thought he was hot or something, though.

"Damned faggot," I heard Taichi again.

Something in me snapped and I turned to him, face set and hard. "What the fuck is your problem, Taichi?"

He looked surprised, blinking and staring at me. He seemed to be at a loss for words. I didn't know if it had been because he hadn't been expecting anyone to get mad at him, or because I had just cursed and seemed angry with him. None of them besides Hikari ever saw me as anything but calm, quiet Takeru.

"What's my problem?" Taichi asked, losing the surprised look and replacing it with an angry look. "I should be asking you what your problem is, Takeru. How could you hang out with someone like that? After what he did?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked angrily. It felt odd to be showing such emotion in front of them, when it was usually me they vented to.

"What he did to Yukio last night, dork. Didn't Hikari tell you?"

I stared at him, now myself at a loss for words. I turned to stare at Hikari, who gave me an apologetic, guilty look.

Taichi stopped looking angry and his face went back to that shocked look. "She didn't tell you?"

I went back to staring at him, shaking my head wordlessly.

"Last night, we were all out on the beach, and then Ken Ichijouji walks up and starts picking a fight with Yukio. He started hitting on him and shit. It was pretty gross."

"What?" I asked loudly. I ducked my head slightly, trying to regain control of my voice level.

"I'll tell him," Miyako said, sending Taichi a withering look. She turned to look at me, giving me one of her sympathetic you're-stupid-but-we-still-love-you looks. "I'm sorry to tell you this, Takeru, but Yukio nearly kicked that kid's ass last night."

"No," I said impulsively.

"I was there, Takeru," she said firmly, staring into my eyes, like she was trying to drive it into my head.

I went back in my mind, thinking over what happened the previous night. Ken had told me he was going to stop by the library before heading home. I remembered that the beach was on the way to the library. He'd probably walked there, and then run into Yukio on the way. He had asked me if I'd wanted to go with him, but I'd declined, saying my mom was probably mad for never having come home. 'I should have gone with him,' I thought.

"Listen, Takeru, don't repeat that story about hanging out with Ken to Akito or Yukio, okay? I don't want to find out what they'd do to you for hanging out with him."

"He said he was going to the library," I said.

"And you believed him?" Hikari asked. She shook her head, sighing. "Sorry, Takeru, but he was just bullshitting you. Why the hell would he go to the library?"

I figured Hikari wouldn't understand Ken's love for the library, so I stayed quiet. I wanted to know exactly what happened between Ken and Yukio last night.

"Well," Miyako continued, cutting off any other comments on my blind stupidity, "we were all out on the beach. Yukio had gotten his hands on a case of beers, so we were drinking. He had drunk a pretty good amount when Ken showed up. We weren't with him when they started arguing, but when we followed the shouting, they were already fighting. Yukio did sound like he was drunk, actually."

"Yeah, he was so plastered-" Taichi began, laughing, but shut up when Miyako sent him a glare.

She turned to me again, sighing. Taichi quickly said, "Sorry," to me, but he didn't sound like he meant it.

"Why would he pick a fight with Yukio?" I asked out loud, wondering if maybe Yukio had made some comment about Ken's gay-ish appearance and maybe Ken had replied with something that had made him angry.

"That Ken Ichijouji must have forgotten his brain at the hospital. Couldn't he have picked a better person to pick up than Yukio?"

I remembered that they had been claiming Ken was hitting on Yukio or something. I could not picture Ken trying to "pick up" anyone at all, much less flirt openly with someone he probably knew would not appreciate a male flirting with him. I laughed because it was the type of thing you do when you're faced with a situation you can't believe and you feel the strong urge to punch the person talking to you.

"That's just a lie," I blathered. "Ken wouldn't be that stupid. He wouldn't try to flirt with a guy like Yukio."

"Sorry, but I heard it with my own ears," Taichi said. Miyako was giving him the let-me-tell-the-story look again.

"No," I said slowly, trying desperately to get my mind to start working again. I needed to figure this entire thing out.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Taichi asked angrily. Miyako held a hand up, as if telling Taichi to stop.

He looked at her and gave a sort of growl, but he finally sat back in his seat, pouting.

Miyako continued, "We ran right over, sensing a fight coming on. Yukio was slurring a little but he was telling Ken to not ever try anything like that on any of the guys in Odaiba ever again. He said to especially never mess with him or his brother, or any of his friends. And then Ken Ichijouji said, 'If you don't want anything, then you shouldn't be standing alone on a street corner, blowing smoke rings. Didn't you know that's a gay thing?' Then, Yukio yelled, 'This isn't the city, and I wouldn't know a fucking gay thing if I fell over it.' And then Yukio hit him, and Ken just turned and ran away. I don't think Yukio hurt him, because he didn't hit him that hard, being sort of drunk and all."

I soaked all of it in, rooted to my seat, my eyes slightly wide. I was fighting hard to keep as calm as possible. None of it seemed right. What Miyako said came out of Ken's mouth didn't seem like him at all.

"Are you sure that's what they said?"

"Didn't we tell you we were right there?" Taichi snapped.

I didn't even rise to his snapping at me, just remembering the day before, when I sat with those art school kids and felt so welcome, knowing I wasn't the only weird one with problems. I thought of Ken caring about me so easily, doing his best to take care of me, even though he didn't even know who I was. I shook my head slowly. I felt angry again.

"I don't believe you," I said evenly.

"Takeru, listen to us," Hikari said, in that I-feel-sorry-for-you-being-so-stupid way. "We wouldn't lie to you. We're your friends. We've been your friends since long before you ever knew who this Ken Ichijouji kid was. I don't know why he would want to help you or anything, but he's not what he's making himself out to be to you. He was lying to you, Takeru."

"This just seems like Yukio twisting something around," I said suddenly. "He was probably gay bashing on Ken, and then Ken probably said something as if he were flirting with him, sarcastically or jokingly or whatever. He likes to be sarcastic, especially to people that put him down or insult him."

"Yukio's a bastard, we know," Hikari said gently, "but he did not start that fight. Ken Ichijouji did. Yukio wasn't gay bashing or anything. He was just defending himself. If he had been insulting Ken, he wouldn't have sounded so defensive."

I couldn't help but feel there was something seriously wrong with that story. I couldn't imagine my friends making up such an elaborate lie, but I couldn't imagine Ken saying or doing any of those things, either. I tried not to look horribly upset about all of it, needing to keep my calm mask on in front of my friends, like I always did. I couldn't help the sad and lost look in my eyes, apparently, because soon all of the girls were patting my hands and apologizing and trying to comfort me.

"I'm so sorry we had to tell you all of this, Takeru," Hikari said softly, hugging me. "You needed to know, before he tried anything with you, or lied to you even more. I know you probably felt good about yourself trying to make friends with the new kid and all, but I think you should just forget about him."

I felt like I'd been smacked with a shovel. I put my head down, letting the bad feelings, disbelief, and disappointment wash over me. I couldn't think of anything else to say to try to defend Ken. A part of me dreaded that they were right.

"We love you, Takeru," Hikari said close to my head, rubbing my back.

I sniffed and said, "I love you, too."