Picking Up The Pieces
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 3
**Abby POV**
"It's okay, Abby," he says, his voice so soft, so caring, even though he lies. It's not okay. Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay again, and he's a fool if he thinks otherwise.
He doesn't understand how hard this is for me. He thinks he knows, because his brother died when he was a kid. He was eight years old. His brother died. Not his son. Not his precious baby.
I feel like Humpty Dumpty. My whole world has crashed in a million tiny pieces at my feet, and all the king's horses and all the king's men won't ever be able to put the pieces back together again.
My son is dead and I wish I was too.
I don't know how to let go of him. How do I just let go?
"Shhh," Carter coos and wraps his arms around me. It would be so easy to lose myself in his embrace. "I've got you. I'm right here."
"I can't do this," I moan. I know I sound pathetic and I don't care. I just want to wake up and find out this whole day was just a terrible nightmare.
It started first thing. I didn't want to get out of bed, and for no good reason. I'm usually up and dressed with breakfast on the table, feeding the kids before Luka comes down.
"Abby? Are you still in bed? Are you sick?" Luka sat on the edge of the bed and put his palm against my forehead. "You don't have a fever."
"I'm not sick. Just tired. I have a headache." I sat up and pushed my hair out of my face. I felt like I could lay back down and sleep for a week.
Luka stood and finished getting dressed. "I'll get the kids."
"I'm fine."
"I can give them cereal and take Galen to school on my way to work."
"I'll get breakfast."
He blew me a kiss from the door as he fiddled with his tie. "Don't worry about it. Stay in bed."
"I have to get up with Mikhail anyway." I swung my feet over the side of the bed.
"I'll get them downstairs. I'll feed them."
"Okay."
"Abby?" Carter's concerned tone stopped me from reliving the entire day. I look up at him and feel the heat of fresh tears on my cheeks. "Are you okay?"
What kind of question is that? I want to yell at him. Of course I'm not okay. But I find myself nodding. There aren't word to say what I'm feeling right now. I let my eyes fall back to the baby in my arms. "My beautiful boy…" I whisper.
"I know. I know, sweetheart," Carter says softly.
I kiss Mikhail's forehead, his cheeks, his eyes, his lips. "Take him…" the words dissolve into a moan. Carter takes him gently and I regret it as soon as I feel him leave my arms. I fold into myself, hugging my shoulders, moaning and crying and dying inside.
I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe he's gone. He's really gone. My baby, my beautiful little boy. He was fine this morning, dropping more cereal on the floor than he could get to his mouth, laughing and playing, banging on everything he could reach like any other eight month old, and after lunch I put him down for a nap just like every other day…
But today he didn't wake up.
If only I had checked on him sooner. Why didn't I check on him sooner? Because my head hurt. Because I wanted just a few more minutes of quiet before I had to get him up and try to entertain him until it was time to go get Galen.
"It's not your fault, Abby," Carter says.
"It is. I should have checked on him sooner…I knew it was too long. He never sleeps that long…"
"Don't go there, Abby. Don't do that to yourself."
"He was my baby!" I yelp. "I should have known he needed me!"
He doesn't say anything, but he sits on the bed and pulls me into his arms. I struggle for a moment, pushing at his chest, but then I give in and surrender to him. I fall against him, burying my face in his shoulder, holding onto him as if my life depends on it..
* * * * * * *
So, tell me what you think! I really want to know. I think this version of the story is a lot better than the other one I tried to write…But I want your opinions too! Come on, don't be shy…use the review option, that's what it's there for…Thanks so much for reading!
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 3
**Abby POV**
"It's okay, Abby," he says, his voice so soft, so caring, even though he lies. It's not okay. Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay again, and he's a fool if he thinks otherwise.
He doesn't understand how hard this is for me. He thinks he knows, because his brother died when he was a kid. He was eight years old. His brother died. Not his son. Not his precious baby.
I feel like Humpty Dumpty. My whole world has crashed in a million tiny pieces at my feet, and all the king's horses and all the king's men won't ever be able to put the pieces back together again.
My son is dead and I wish I was too.
I don't know how to let go of him. How do I just let go?
"Shhh," Carter coos and wraps his arms around me. It would be so easy to lose myself in his embrace. "I've got you. I'm right here."
"I can't do this," I moan. I know I sound pathetic and I don't care. I just want to wake up and find out this whole day was just a terrible nightmare.
It started first thing. I didn't want to get out of bed, and for no good reason. I'm usually up and dressed with breakfast on the table, feeding the kids before Luka comes down.
"Abby? Are you still in bed? Are you sick?" Luka sat on the edge of the bed and put his palm against my forehead. "You don't have a fever."
"I'm not sick. Just tired. I have a headache." I sat up and pushed my hair out of my face. I felt like I could lay back down and sleep for a week.
Luka stood and finished getting dressed. "I'll get the kids."
"I'm fine."
"I can give them cereal and take Galen to school on my way to work."
"I'll get breakfast."
He blew me a kiss from the door as he fiddled with his tie. "Don't worry about it. Stay in bed."
"I have to get up with Mikhail anyway." I swung my feet over the side of the bed.
"I'll get them downstairs. I'll feed them."
"Okay."
"Abby?" Carter's concerned tone stopped me from reliving the entire day. I look up at him and feel the heat of fresh tears on my cheeks. "Are you okay?"
What kind of question is that? I want to yell at him. Of course I'm not okay. But I find myself nodding. There aren't word to say what I'm feeling right now. I let my eyes fall back to the baby in my arms. "My beautiful boy…" I whisper.
"I know. I know, sweetheart," Carter says softly.
I kiss Mikhail's forehead, his cheeks, his eyes, his lips. "Take him…" the words dissolve into a moan. Carter takes him gently and I regret it as soon as I feel him leave my arms. I fold into myself, hugging my shoulders, moaning and crying and dying inside.
I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe he's gone. He's really gone. My baby, my beautiful little boy. He was fine this morning, dropping more cereal on the floor than he could get to his mouth, laughing and playing, banging on everything he could reach like any other eight month old, and after lunch I put him down for a nap just like every other day…
But today he didn't wake up.
If only I had checked on him sooner. Why didn't I check on him sooner? Because my head hurt. Because I wanted just a few more minutes of quiet before I had to get him up and try to entertain him until it was time to go get Galen.
"It's not your fault, Abby," Carter says.
"It is. I should have checked on him sooner…I knew it was too long. He never sleeps that long…"
"Don't go there, Abby. Don't do that to yourself."
"He was my baby!" I yelp. "I should have known he needed me!"
He doesn't say anything, but he sits on the bed and pulls me into his arms. I struggle for a moment, pushing at his chest, but then I give in and surrender to him. I fall against him, burying my face in his shoulder, holding onto him as if my life depends on it..
* * * * * * *
So, tell me what you think! I really want to know. I think this version of the story is a lot better than the other one I tried to write…But I want your opinions too! Come on, don't be shy…use the review option, that's what it's there for…Thanks so much for reading!
