Picking Up The Pieces

An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa

Chapter 4

**Luka POV**

Susan agrees to watch Galen for me so I can go check on Abby. Galen clings to my neck when I sit her on the admit desk. I have to pry her hands apart just to stand up straight. She's looking at me with her big hazel eyes and I just want to take her in my arms and run away from everything. She's so little, she can't really understand what is happening, and she's confused. I don't want to add to that by leaving her with Susan, but I don't want to take her into the trauma room where I know Carter is with Abby.

"I need you to be my big, beautiful girl and stay with Susan for a few minutes so I can talk to Mommy, okay? Can you do that for me?" I ask her. She nods and her lip trembles, but she doesn't say anything. "That's my girl."

"Hey, sweetheart," Susan steps in and takes Galen's hands in hers so I can move away. "How's my favorite five year old girl?"

Galen shrugs. I pat Susan's shoulder as I walk past her. I don't dare look back at Galen, even when she calls out to me, begging me not to leave her. The desperation in her voice breaks my heart, but I keep walking toward the trauma room.

I take a deep breath before I open the door. I know he's with her, but I am not prepared for the sight of them together on the bed. His arms are around her, her head in on his chest. She doesn't even look up, but he looks guilty, and I feel like I'm intruding somehow.

"Luka," he says, and helps Abby sit up. She glances at me, then turns her face to his shoulder. Carter moves his feet over the side of the bed and slides away from Abby. She reaches for him, then folds over with a silent sob. She looks so small alone there on the bed, like a frightened child.

We exchange glances, Carter and I, and I recognize the sympathy in his eyes. He nods and goes past me, to the door.

I take another deep breath before I move toward the bed, toward my wife. She's pulled her knees up, her arms locked around her legs, her forehead pressed against her knees. I sit on the bed and put my hand on her back. She whimpers and flinches. She turns her head enough to look at me and her face twists in agony.

"I know," I whisper. And I do. I know exactly what she's feeling. I know the pain, the guilt, the self-loathing, the want to die too. I've been through it, and I'm struggling to keep my thoughts from taking me back to the apartment in Vukovar where my wife and both my children lay dead at my feet.

It would be easy to lose myself in the memory of Danijela and the children, and I can't afford to let that happen. I have to be strong now, for Abby and Galen.

"I'm here," I say, and I pull her to me. She resists, her back stiff for a moment. Then she slides her arms around me and lets me hold her. I kiss the side of her head. "I love you, Abby," I say softly because I think it's important for her to hear those words right now.

I don't expect her to respond, but she snuggles closer to me and sighs. I hope that is a positive sign, but right now it is hard to tell.

* * * * * * *

"No, Luka. I can't," Abby pulls back. "I'm not ready."

"I'm right here. I've got you," I tell her.

She nods and reaches down, pulls the bottom of her shirt up to wipe her face dry. She takes a deep breath and nods.

We move forward together, and I open the door.

Carter is sitting at the admit desk. "Susan took her to the lounge," he says before I have to ask where Galen is. "Call me if you need…anything."

"Thank you, Carter," I say, and I hope I don't have to call him.

Susan is reading _Green_Eggs_And_Ham_. Galen is leaning against her on the couch. I hate to interrupt them, but Galen sits up and jumps off the couch.

"Mommy!" Abby doesn't move, even when Galen hugs her legs. "Mikey is with Jasna and Marko now."

Abby pushes Galen away from her and turns to run out the door.

"Go," Susan says. She's already up and taking Galen in her arms.

I turn to go after Abby. Carter has started after her too. She goes to back to the trauma room and backs herself into the corner. "I can't do this. I can't do this. I want my son. I want my baby!"

I kneel in front of her. "Abby…"

Her eyes turn to me, but I'm not sure she sees me. "Leave me alone!"

I move toward her but she pushes me away. She tries to kick me, then punches me. I'm tempted to give her something to calm her down, but I can't do that to her with her history of addiction. I just pull her into my arms and try to subdue her.

"Get off me!" She yells. "Let me go! Let me go!"

"Shhh, Abby. Shhh. I'm here. I'm right here. I've got you." I feel myself slip into Croatian, but it seems to calm her so I don't stop. I say whatever comes to mind, which turns out to be The Lord's Prayer…

"Oce nas, koji jesi na nebesima sveti se ime tvoje dodi kraljevstovo tvoje, budi volja tvoja....Kako na nebu tako i na zemlji. Kruh nas svagdanji daj nam danas I otpusti nam duge nase kado i mi otpustamo deznicima nasim I ne uvedi nas u napast, nego izbavi nas od zia."

I say it twice through before she is completely slack in my arms.

I look up, Carter is still there. I know he's thinking the same thing I am. We'd call a psych consult on any one else. But not Abby. I won't do that to Abby.

* * * * * *

I'm not getting much response from this story, which is disheartening. Please, I hate to resort to begging, but…I'm begging, if you are reading, please let me know with a review. It only takes a couple seconds of your time and each and every review makes me really happy ;)