Blonde?

By Akemi Maxwell, standard disclaimers apply

7/11/03

This is an anti-Relena fic. Some comments about Wufei, sorry Wufei fans. Sorry Relena fans. Sorry to any blondes.

~

He awakes drowsily, his eyesight blurry. He blinks once, twice, then three times. He tries to move his arms. "What the.?" He questions realizing he is bound to a chair.

"'Bout time you woke up!" A familiar husky voice says sarcastically.

Heero: Duo? Where are you?

Duo: Right behind you.

Heero's head swivels around to see Duo is bound with the same rope, in another chair.

Heero: Great, so we're tied together, just what I need!

Duo: Hey, it could be worse! You could be tied up with Wufei!

Heero: That's true. Where are we?

"At my house!" A dreadfully familiar voice squeaks out.

Heero: Relena! Oh god no! * Throws his head back in a fit, cracking it with Duo's head *.

Duo: OW!! Watch it! * Squints one eye * Good thing I have a hard head!

Relena: Enough! You are my hostages! You have to do what I say!

Heero: Hostages? * Side of Heero's mouth curls upward and he raises an eyebrow, squinting one eye * What are you talking about?

Relena: The drinks I gave you were drugged! You blacked out and I kidnapped you! Hahahaha! * Puts her arms akimbo and throws her head back, laughing like a moron *

Duo: What did you put in mine? I was awake the whole time! * Looks down at crotch *

Relena: Oh, that was an accident, I grabbed the wrong bottle, * waves her hand at him * The bottle had the letters A-P-H-R-O-D-I-S-I-A-C, * Spells proudly *

Duo: Oh my god

Relena: Shush! You are my hostages!" * Waves her arms in the air *

Heero: Why did you kidnap us anyway?

Relena: I dunno

Duo: * mumbles * Seems we were kidnapped by the village idiot

Heero: What were you going to gain by kidnapping us?

Relena: Ummmm, I never thought of that!

Duo: She gained more stupidity and a punch in the face, that's what! Hey! How about money?

Heero: Hn, Duo, she already has all the money in the world, why would she need more?

Duo: So, she'd have a helluva lot more money!

Heero: I'm stuck with two idiots

Duo: I'm horny

Relena: Hm, how do I get the money?

Heero: I'm filing for a restraining order

Duo: Must screw!

Relena: Maybe if I.

Duo: That's it!! I can't take it anymore! Relena, if you let me go, I'll help you get the money real easily!

Heero: * pissed off * Duo, you bastard! You traitor! How come you're helping that moron?!

Duo: * Whispers to Heero * I gotta' get home and watch porn, plus I want the ransom money!

Heero: 0_0

Relena: Hm, you drive a hard bargain.Duo we have to split the money fifty- fifty?

Duo: Entirely

Heero: I can't believe this is happening to me!

Relena: * rubs chin as if thinking, we all know she can't * Deal! * Unties Duo *

Duo: * rubs hands together * Excellent!

Heero: * Wishes he were dead *

Duo: All we gotta' do is wait!

Hours later.

Duo: Dammit! Nothings happened yet!

Relena: And we don't have the money yet

Duo: Wait! I have a plan!

Relena: Yay! Uhh, what is it?

Duo: * snickers * It's simple really! We pin a note on the hostage stating: 'we want however much money' and send him back home, and when Quatre or whoever reads it, they'll send Heero back wid da money!

Relena: * applauds * Oh, Duo, you are so smart! I would have never thought of that!

Duo: Of course you wouldn't

Heero: -_-;

Relena: How much money do we want?

Duo: How about a dollar?

Relena: Isn't that, like, not a lot?

Duo: It's a lot, it just sounds like chump change

Relena: * Unties Heero *

Duo: * Writes note and pins it on Heero *

Relena: * Boots Heero out the door * Now get going!

Heero: 0_0; * Runs like a bitch towards home *

Duo: How 'bout I order a pizza while he leaves?

Relena: OK! * Turns back to get papers for world domination *

Duo: * Jumps out the window. Runs like bitch back home *

Relena: * Turns back around * Duo? Must have gone to get the pizza

~

Hour later.

G- Boyz house:

Heero: * slouched on couch with remote, flipping channels *

Duo: * Comes out of kitchen with soda, slouches on couch *

Heero: * rips the note off his shirt *

Duo: What you watchin'?

Heero: Cheese Weasel

Duo: Oh

~

Relena: Where's my pizza?

~

Ummm.yeah.Review plz.