------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Ranma 1/2 Fan Fic ------------------------------ Switch by Nikholas "Switch" F. Toledo ------------------------------ Please do remember that Ranma 1/2 is a trademark and a copyright of and by some big name people and companies I am not even worthy to introduce. Anybody who says that I took any of their stuff better not find me hiding. Also, great thanks to whoever reads this and likes it, good thanks to whoever reads it anyhow, and teeny-weeny thanks to whoever else even saw this. ------------------------------ Book I: Herbs and Spices ------------------------------ Day 1 First Flick Ranma returned to the dojo to find the breakfast Kasumi had spirited away when the more bottomless members of the household were not aware. Mumbling thanks, he decided to eat at racehorse speed before retiring to the bath to return to more comfortable trappings (all the while avoiding Akane). The coast being clear, he had hoped the rest of the day would be as uneventful. It was a useless wish, but someone had to ask, and it could just as well have been him. He couldn't have been more safe, as Akane had already donned her gi, and was taking the strain out on her hollow blocks. Her rhythm belied the concentration on the mantra as a focus, but telepathic inspection would reveal that the mantra was, in fact, "Ranma baka." After dishing out the last of her anger replaced with a warm glow of indignation, she felt herself go loose. Pepped up, she bounded up on the balls of her feet and started priming for a workout. The good thing about indignation is that the mind is clear to focus on the matter of a problem, without release of heat from the argument. The kata brought her body into a trance, which freed her mind to connect with the events of the day's destruction. Ranma was in the bath again, peeping on her. But there was something wrong with her recollection of his face in the fog-filled bath. It was ... wrong. As though there was something there he was hiding behind. Hiding behind what? Then he was peeping! But he was just sitting there, slightly sagging forward, facing her naked form. That pervert! Except, she couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't exactly peeping. Or that it wasn't him. Or something. She finished her kata, then went straight out into the streets to jog a few miles. If she had just happened to turn right instead of left as she departed the house, she would have probably crossed paths with a confused looking pet of hers. Ryoga cursed his luck. He was sure that his disorientation with the apparent change of his sleeping area had blinded him to the straight and true path to the bathroom. He held his head low, for he was sure that it would take another week to return to the dojo. He held his path forward, and therefore was farther from the corner where the dojo was. A few blocks hence, he started to wonder whether to change back into human, before something unsavory happened to him. The next left he took brought him facing the Cat Cafe. Incredible forces had changed his luck, it seemed, so he entered through a window into the basement, so as to avoid the Amazons within. The aforementioned Amazons were, in fact, preparing the menu for the day, whilst the industriously conniving Shampoo was deciding what to feed her future husband. Cologne had let her go early, as it was summer, and that men tended to eat more frequently in the mornings, i.e. a chance to take the groom once and for all was presenting itself. Shampoo had picked a recipe which required, unfortunately, eggs. She sighed. Mousse had done all sorts of stupid things with the eggs, like stuff them with explosives and such, which gave her the right and privilege to beat the living daylights out of him. Plus, they were producing way too much pastry in her get-laid-quick schemes. Angrily, she sped away to purchase a few dozen at the nearby marketplace (which, she could protest, did not have fresh poultry shops anymore). Somewhere nearby, Mousse threw away the pages of recipes that did not require eggs, and went to help Cologne. Tsubasa held the fillers which held some decades of secret Amazon alchemy which concerned enchantments of the heart, with some doubt. He could not, and would not, force his beloved Ukyo to love him if it wasn't real. He would try, yet again, to let her see how she could learn to love him, but never, ever without her conscious consent. It would be too much like forcing himself upon her, and the thought would never cross his mind, normally. He threw the neatly inked Chinese texts, with the disgust of incomprehension, into a nearby (real) garbage can and then changed his disguise into one of a telephone pole. He was starting to run out of new and innovative disguises which he could use to get closer to the Ucchan's, but somehow, one weirdo or another would pass him by, and he'd have to assume an inanimate position, which would be normally abused, as property damage was particularly high in the area. He's been careful, then, to use one of the lesser passed routes. This one took a rather long swath of walk into the zoo. He successfully changed from the pole, to a signpost which read "Osaka this way", then into a statue of a horse, finally into a park bench, before entering the zoo. He quickly peeked. There were lots of people, especially children, in the crowd which formed a knot in the area near the gate. Wearing a bamboo shoot, he edged closer to the crowd, with hopes of leaving quite rapidly. Genma was grinning ear to ear, something he would not do normally. But he was having a hard time concealing his joviality. As a panda, he felt he could be his true self, free as the wind. Although he was getting hungry, he was starting to enjoy the various attentions the little squawking children were raining upon him. A little nervous pat here, some weak (but heartfelt) rappings on the other side, little tugs here and there, but all the laughter was becoming infectious. Just a few more moments, and the secret Saotome free-food-will-come philosophy would see justice. And with a turn of his head, he noticed the bamboo shoot approaching him. Gratefully thanking Kami-sama, he took it and bit off. There is a heaven, he thought. But a rather surprising view of someone he didn't exactly want to see yet arrived, reminding him that heaven wasn't where he wanted to be going to quite yet. Nodoka passed by a weird-looking bamboo with an arm with the sleeve of a girl's dress sticking out from it. Some people were staring at it bug-eyed, but most of them just took it as nothing out of the ordinary. It must be some sort of street play or another unorthodox impromptu, which could explain the panda. Obviously, someone took care of building a fine panda suit, but the outstanding human traits of pantomimed fear were enough to show the skill in acting of whoever had donned the suit. Funny, though. This panda-suited actor seemed familiar. She shrugged. It was all that she couldn't distinguish between this obviously fake panda and Ranko's pet. She could swear that there was a connection, but the more pacifying edge of taking care of a martial arts family kicked in, and explanations would come, later if not sooner. She exited the zoo, hugging her groceries tightly. She remembered with some amusement the purple-haired foreigner (she had this funny accent) who practically blew up when she couldn't find any eggs. Apparently, she hadn't heard of the recent shortage due to the fear of poultry shop owners that the animals in Nerima had acquired something akin to the mad cow disease (insane sightings of animals duking it out with people and themselves), but with less discrimination (a pig, a cat, a panda and a duck were among others mentioned). So, live poultry had to be removed first, since they were used all over the district, and might spread this disease quicker than any other animal group. So eggs in Nerima will not return until the end of this summer. Nodoka was partly glad of her intuitive skills, which allowed her to stock a crate of eggs a few days before. She probably couldn't eat them all, she thought, passing by the restaurant district. She might visit the Tendos' sometime soon. She sighed. Maybe she might see her family. She walked on, just before a human Ryoga crossed confusedly into the yard of a mansion. He knew that the place was familiar somehow, but couldn't place it. He been here a couple of times already, but no idea of where he was popped up. This was close to the dojo, he was sure of it. Now who to ask.... He wandered off not quite sure if he was still within the grounds because he had seemingly stepped into a forest. Off in the branches, Sasuke giggled. Then he gave up and belted a full blast guffaw, with some chuckles and wheezy high-pitched nasal sounds for flavor. It was important, the master said, to laugh, in which he had taught all the servants to have a particular laugh. He had not spared the children either, thus a person could distinguish any member of the Kuno household from any other by way of their laughter. It was perfect. He knew this one, who had been hounding mistress Akane, albeit from afar. He had often fought young Saotome (he spat, as a reflex taught to him by his current master) for her hand, and has, to date, not satisfactorily beaten him. To catch him upon the hallowed grounds of the Kuno estate was a sure sign of skullduggery and underhanded tactics, of which Sasuke would not become a party to by omitting his duty to his lord and liege. He haggled over which trap he could operate on the young trespasser could be the most appropriate for the intruder while switching places amongst the branches, keeping an eye on Ryoga. Impaling was out of style, and any chemicals would be criticized from technique to usage by mistress Kodachi, and any mistake would be intolerable. At the mention of her name, an idea struck, which he sought to implement by going ahead of his prey. Kuno was practicing the basic katas, while honing his wit by composing soliloquies on the often trivial bestiality of man succumbing to the tranquil nature of Venus's spring, only to rear its raging forces come summertime. It was while he was posing to practice glinting sunlight off of various molars, when he heard the branches of the nearby trees at his back rustle slightly. Nonchalantly, he turned and swung his bokken with the air pressure to hurl an unsuspecting Sasuke into the atmosphere. He had missed this spectacle by turning yet again, in order to contemplate the void which was his mind. He did this in total ignorance of the fact that Ryoga had crossed behind him, only to fall into Mr. Turtle's pool. The cloud which was on the way to wreak chaos upon the hallowed grounds of Kuno was turned about by the body of the manservant. Promising revenge, it went to find a regular customer, who had started this vicious water cycle. Kodachi on the other hand was on her way to the garden/laboratory on the other side of the forest. She spied her brother locked in another battle of wits with himself, which she feared he was losing. She heard some splashing and found that Mr. Turtle was playfully jumping up and down in the pond, as if in supplication for its owner's affections. "Not now, dear," was all Kodachi said, as she turned, entirely missing the little black piggie jumping not quite out of the jaws of death for dear life. She had found Sasuke napping in a tree in an awkward fashion and immediately berated him. He apologized profusely, and asked her if she had seen anyone suspicious in the premises. Since she had not noticed any, Sasuke wandered off to apprehend the hooligan, after borrowing some potions from his mistress. She turned on her heel to enter the greenhouse, noticing slightly that Mr. Turtle had just stopped its splashing about. On that note, she went to in to continue her latest project, while laughing a happy tune (in that distinctive way she does). Kuno had gravitated to the pond while his buggy of thought had drifted to sailing the high seas, as is his yen in the summers. Truly, he would have to invite the pig-tailed girl and Akane, to partake in the splendor of the blue deserts and to bask in his undying love. This was when he noticed two figures floating in the pool. The larger one was an alligator, and the smaller one was that of a piglet. Both were familiar as pets, the former of his wretched sister, and the other of the beauteous Akane, and in a state of unconscious akin to that after a fierce battle. Sensing an opening, he picked up P-chan, and asked Sasuke to get him two bouquets of roses from the greenhouse. Sasuke informed him that his intolerable sibling was about the area, which meant he had to go and get the flowers elsewhere. Grasping his bokken, he left Sasuke in pursuit of the missing unwanted visitor, and went to the nearest florist's shop. As he went in, he had not noticed that the objects of his affection had passed by. Upon his arrival at the dojo, he was informed that they were on the path to the chiropractor's clinic, and would he mind if he went in to wait for them to return? Kasumi was on the way there herself to return a book on acupuncture literature. Could he wait inside with father? The man sighed. Lunch was over, and the day looked grim. He would expect no better tomorrow, and knew he would be right. Anyway, in his case it was better to live for the past than the future, and so read an old newspaper he had acquired in the hopes of finding an adventure in the offing.
