"Hello?
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Professor Snape. Severus Snape.
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Yes. Yes, that's right.
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Thank you.
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Hello? Professor Snape speaking.
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Yes, I have decided.
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I am sorry - but it really isn't my fault if you keep ask- yes. Yes, I understand. Listen, we make a deal: I'll tell you whatever you want to know and you try to provide me with some useful advice for a change.
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Yes.
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No, this is probably useless, but I... I am desperate.
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What?!? No!
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Yes, I had another fit, so what?
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Are you suggesting I am scared? Have you any idea to whom you are talking here?
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Seriously, I'd go and see a doctor if I considered them life-threatening. But I don't- I expect it's got to do with stress or anything. One of these simple, obvious solutions no one ever seems to think of.
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Why I keep calling? Well, certainly not because of you, Miss Sassiness.
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Shut up! Have we got a deal?
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Yes, very well. Now listen, we can talk about anything except my father. I know you people always want to, but I am telling you: I won't discuss him.
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No.
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I won't. There is no reason. I just don't want to. Full stop. At least not as long as my sister might step in every second. - What? Yes, I have a sister. Surprised?
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I bet. Yes, she's here. For a visit. Lives in Hogsmeade. I can't have her live in the castle, you know.
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Yes, the school is situated in a castle.
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Stop laughing this instant!
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She moved abroad at the age of... sixteen or so. Guess she wanted to bring as much distance between herself and my fa- the castle as possible.
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No, I haven't seen her yet.
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Because I haven't had the time. I am exceedingly busy at the moment. There's more to teaching than telling a bunch of insufferable little brats not to burn their robes, you know. - Though... you wouldn't know, probably. Have you ever even seen a school from the inside?
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Yes, yes, I am sorry. You needn't - What??? I am NOT avoiding her! Why should I?
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VERY funny, Miss Smartass.
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Have you got a number of your own, by the way? Can I call you directly? Or will I always have to deal with one of your quick-witted colleagues before I can talk to you?
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Well, I... expect this'll take a while, won't it?
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Yes, I'd appreciate that.
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Got it. Thank you.
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My sister? Why, certainly.
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Her name is Luciana. She's older than me. Three years. Haven't seen her for ages. As I said - she moved.
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Very young, yes. She had a couple of problems with... with us, so she went away. Ages ago.
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No. She's the only sister I have. She... was the only person I could talk to. Very smart, you know. Very strong, too. Although a bit feeble - physically. But extremely good-hearted. And highly intelligent.
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You know - we used to share a bedroom. A bed, actually.
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No, a big one. One of these huge four-poster beds which y-
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inherited, yes.
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My grandmother. A witch.
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No, I didn't... I meant what I said. It wasn't supposed to sound rude. You - what kind of Muggle are you?
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Never mind. I didn't mean to insult you. Where would Minerva have got your number if you weren't our kind, ey? Ha ha ha.
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Yes, yes, very funny. Do you want me to continue or not? As I said - the bed was inherited and... what? Yes, the two of us. As if two weren't enough. There wasn't that much space, you know.
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Well, I'd usually wake up at around six. We had this huge grandfather clock, you see, and it strikes would wake me up in the morning.
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I remember, all right. How could I forget her soft, black hair, her delicate hands and limps... I'd wake up seeing her body covered with this huge blanket... You could make out its outlines only just, because she used to be so tiny. Her small, thin leg sticking out from under the blanket... twitching every now and then - though she was fast asleep - to keep the cradle going...
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A cradle, yes.
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Why, the baby, of course.
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HERS? Are you mad? We where children! Luciana was only... thirteen... fourteen at that time. No, it was... the baby. Just 'the baby', really. She didn't have a name. Well, she might've - I can't remember. We used to call her 'baby'. Or 'Sil' sometimes. - What? Sil. S-I-L. Short for 'silly'.
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What do you mean 'disagreeable'? Have you ever had to feed or wash an endlessly howling little monster? Have you ever been scolded for what your baby sister has done? I should think she's very fortunate not to have ended up with 'Brat' or 'Shi-' What???
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I don't understand...
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I have most certainly not... I haven't been lying.
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I-I did? I said I didn't have a sister apart from-
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Oh.
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No, it was... actually... I didn't think you'd- never thought of Sil as my sister, rea-
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I have got to go. I... I am sorry.
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