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* Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction *
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Switch: Herbs and Spices (Chapter 07 / 22) by Nikholas "Switch" F. Toledo
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Please do remember that Ranma 1/2 is a trademark and a copyright of and
by some big name people and companies I am not even worthy to introduce.
Anybody who says that I took any of their stuff better not find me
hiding. Also, great thanks to whoever reads this and likes it, good
thanks to whoever reads it anyhow, and teeny thanks to whoever saw this. 
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Day 1


 Seventh Sign-Off



	Mousse was flying.
	He could feel the whizz of the air in his ears, and knew right away 
that something was indeed very, very wrong. For one, the one who had 
propelled him into the troposphere's middle was the rather urgently 
passionate set of teeth and arms which had captured him. This had meant 
that this particular set was, in fact, belonging to either a) another 
martial artist or b) an alien. Banking upon the first idea meant that he 
actually knew this person, since martial artists in Nerima tended to meet 
and bash each other. He started to wonder who it was.
	Secondly, this was because whoever it is probably would have 
estimated his body weight incorrectly. But their current ability to 
generate trajectory can lead him to no other conclusion except that this 
person was also a practitioner of Hidden Weapons techniques.
	With the proper moves, he wriggled about a bit and produced an 
anchor, which was thrown with a sufficiently large force, bringing them 
down along with it.

	Kuno had a satisfying dinner. Sasuke was pleased as well (but he'd 
never show it): the mistress had been missing during the meal. When she 
didn't cook, she had this penchant for lacing the meals with all sorts of 
herbs and spices. The manservant mumbled incoherently about how the 
flavor of sashimi was not-quite, but very nearly, utterly destroyed by a 
dash of arsenic in chloroform. (Not that it would be detected by 
anything but the finest of gourmets.)
	The skein of the Kuno Legacy adjourned to his shrines, leaving the 
unassuming ninja to worry about his next task: the duty of feeding the 
mistress's pet. This usually fell upon the shoulders of the lady of the 
house, since she was the one who was spared bodily harm consistently 
during these sessions, but her absence not only required primary alarm 
(how would the principal take it?) but some aftershocks as well (who 
would have to feed the felonious reptile?). He braced himself, armed 
with the bo (recently extracted from the jaws of the beast) and a trayful 
of munchies, he set out to duty.
	As the windows were always shut in a samurai's restful sanctum, 
Kuno missed the third symphony of mistaken meals and panic and pain, 
played in their own yard.

	Mt. Fuji hasn't erupted for hundreds of years now, and many say 
that it never will again. Finding itself on two of the major 
seismovolcanic regions of the world leads many a casual monster-mania 
fiend to just veer away from it, at least until they could assure 
themselves that the top no longer has connections with the inner earth.
	In the next few days, though, pyrotechnics will be taking a minor 
encore.

	Sneaky... well, no. Not really.
	Playful, maybe. 
 	The female made her way, nimbly fingering the switch to the kitchen 
lights. The old wood meshed wonderfully with the new, so much that the 
fastenings had absorbed the footfalls completely. This was the first 
time she had done this alone, but it did not bother her in the least. 
The dark hallway she was treading ended bathed in light. Her goal, 
though, was the sliding door slightly glowing on her right. The night 
was silent.
	Akane felt the door *swoosh* quickly open, rather than heard. At 
this, she would have either paranoidly searched for intruders or, at 
worst case, scream in abject terror, if it weren't for the fact that she 
had heard, instead, a gently inflected, "tea, Akane?"
	(Akane's much-vaunted retort that she is, in fact, a martial 
artist, with the skills and, more importantly, the reflexes of a good 
one, would attest to the fact that Kasumi had spoken before the door had 
very audibly creaked, so as not to scare the people inside, as was 
intended.)
	The younger Tendo had relaxed before she had begun to tense up, 
cutting through the suspension of disbelief. She turned her head away 
from the thriller on the TV and gave her elder a dimpled smile. "Thanks, 
Kasumi."
	While handing the ceramic mug, she gingerly held her own. She knew 
without looking about what the matter was.
	She realized a whole world of emotion in play at the moment, not 
just with Akane, but with both her siblings. When troubled over 
something, Akane liked to distract herself for as long as she could. On 
the other hand, Nabiki liked to face the matter, by herself. And at 
their age (?), trouble meant only one thing.
	She could, of course, just let nature take its course. Which would 
mean that the youngest Tendo would take matters into her own hands, and 
that the poor young man in question would end up in pain, or in traction. 
And whatever was bugging Nabiki would never come out. She could just 
choose to be the older sister, and keep out of their business. But that 
just wouldn't be her.
	She used the current ambiguity to turn on the lights, and to turn 
off the set. Setting herself down across the table-top's corner to her 
baby sis, she took her first sip. It was a bit colder than she would 
have preferred, and had implied this to her companion, who had had none 
of her own. The stillness in her eyes as she had them transfixed on the 
drink belied her own shaky feelings.
	The truth was that Kasumi had not made light of the situation, and 
had always been concerned as to the state of affairs in the house. It's 
just that anything that tried to put her little sister and (she had no 
doubt) her fiancée together always ended up in a broken and bloodied 
heap. Come to think of it, anything that tried to pull them apart shared 
that fate. A certain sadness came from the two whenever they were caught 
alone without the other, on nights where no large-scale domestic violence 
occurred.
	She might have ventured into trying to convince one that they were 
perfect with the other, except that she had the feeling that they already 
knew. She might have been missing out on what's been happening, even 
with her eternal vigilance. And so, she kept to herself in these 
matters, much as they keep coming up these days.
	But enough was most definitely enough. Much as she loved playing 
matchmaker, she couldn't bear it. Things had to start moving, or else.
	Akane couldn't look into her eyes. "I'll just be upstairs." She 
stood not-too-quickly and made way for the door.
	Kasumi wasn't quite sure that she wanted her to go just yet. 
"Aren't you going to take your bath? We could take it together you 
know."
	The shorthaired girl stopped in mid-step, and turned. "Not 
tonight, sis. I just feel too tired." She faked a yawn, covering tears 
which could have been there already. "Good night."
	Kasumi sipped. She sighed. Not bad, having your two sisters mope 
about, and you couldn't even talk about it with the younger one. How 
could you handle Nabiki, then? She sat in silence for a while, until a 
phone rang.

	Tsubasa wearied. He was in tears, all right. Tears and shreds. 
His dress gave out before he did, but now that the darker night has 
fallen, he couldn't cope. Having ended up on a rooftop, he hadn't 
thought of rain when the lead weight fell on him. Flying boats? What 
would they think of next? And with that, he fell into a silent clump, 
soon followed by some others.

	The train sped through the hollow night, bringing phantom speed. A 
set of four intrepid warriors held the most common of celebrations to the 
start of a hunt: a war dance. But, as the most sophisticated of races 
evolve, the war dance grows with it.
	In the more ferocious cousins of the cat family, it would be held 
in the relative safety of packs, with only the starlight to dance with 
them. The elder primates sought refuge in trees, and thus could not 
partake in such festivities, but their younger siblings rediscovered the 
tradition with their feet on the ground. The earlier tribes had 
intricate and elaborate costumes, with well-choreographed tunes and 
striking colors. As man became domesticated, though, the hunt was soon 
banned, but the celebration lived on in the form of songs, dances and 
video games. A return to nature can, however, occur, and the most 
refined of spirits has many an ingenious scheme of dancing with wolves. 
	They were not the most refined of spirits.
	Cologne merely tilted her staff as Ranma, Genma and Soun passed by 
her. Tilting back, she turned to see the youngest of her opponents jump 
up as the others teeter across the gap between their cargo tram to the 
next one. Ranma fell upon the other two, causing them to grasp the 
ceiling of the other bus, inadvertently bridging the space.
	With a nearly feral, but effectively sub-verbal grunt, Ranma stood 
to come at the aged Amazon. The latter took the time to mentally point 
out errors in the maneuver of her opponent, and the proper offense to 
play. He wasn't giving that much battle aura, and kept his temperature 
near cold. His stance belied the impracticability of a Moko Takabisha, 
as they were moving some 200 miles per hour atop Japan's fastest railway 
system. Noting that the top speed of the bullet train was near 500 mph, 
she immediately had come upon several conclusions.
	One was that this was their stop.
	She jumped off her staff, as the train began its turn. This 
effectively tossed the pig-tailed wonder off the cabin ceiling. Hauling 
what and who had remained, the venerable female leapt off in pursuit.

	Ryoga opened his eyes sleepily. He wasn't sure if they were, in 
fact, open or not, because it was too dark to see anything. He felt kind 
of weak, and was already adapting the standard procedure upon finding 
one's self in a strange place (many have touted this to be the boot-up 
for all Hibikis).
	Step 1: Do not panic.
	OK, done.
	Step 2: Slowly, but surely check all body parts.
	Checking... checking... done.
	Step 3: Find familiar landmarks.
	He started to try to turn his head. It was on something soft. 
	What was it? It was somewhat taut, underneath a fabric with 
frills. It was dark. Was it... oh God... was it Akane?
	Oh God, it was Akane, he was human, they were in bed, oh dear, step 
4, find a way out, get the hell outta here...!
	As Ryoga was wrestling with a pillow, convincing it to go through 
step 12 (find a secondary light source), while being calm and savvy as a 
man should when in bed with a woman, waking the woman that was in bed 
with him.
	"Uhhhhhhhh..."
	Ryoga stopped in mid-sentence. Ukyo was here, too?
	He wanted to put his hands to his head, except that one of them was 
under the pillow under his head, which he thought was Akane, and another 
one was quite isolated by an arm pinned by the body which he identified 
as Ukyo's. Quite a nice body, too. Ohhhh dear...
	Breathe in, breathe out, stay cool, have to stop the nose bleed...
	A hand came to the rescue, with a bandanna. Nausea gave way to a 
slightly solid feeling of his lower body. Refocusing his eyes, he saw 
that the bandanna was his, the hand was connected to an arm trailing to 
his lower right, where his arm was being pinned by Ukyo's quite-nice 
stomach. He couldn't see her face, but could make out that plain white 
ribbon she wears in her hair. He just gave in to the impulse to breathe. 
Ukyo looked up from where she was, aware that he was conscious and there 
was no blood spewing from any orifices. With her big (hopeful?) eyes, 
she peered beyond her outstretched arm.
	Ryoga had stared into her head before she had noticed, and was 
clearly was into some inner space. His lips were wagging in a way to 
say, "step 43: remove all flammable objects and project ki blasts into 
the clogged portion..." Ukyo had a small cross-eyed look, and may have 
knocked his socks off if not for two facts. These two facts were: her 
hand, on his nose; and, his hand, on her waist. She would have ended up 
in orbit with him. 
	He trailed off, not quite saying anything. She started to feel 
quite self-conscientious, indeed. Wriggling a bit, she took the hand 
that was on the other side of her from its owner. She blushed only 
slightly. A young, nubile female such as her, caught in bed with a 
young, marriageable and cute martial artist, who was staring at her with 
such want, such need that was in his eyes...
	Staring at her?
	With a hand in her hand, with them in such close quarters, it was a 
wonder that she was not slapping him silly, screaming "Ryouga no baka!!" 
before sending him into the sky. Maybe, just maybe, she might.
	
	Ranma was worried only that he'd gotten bored before they got 
there. How long has he had to wait? How much has he had to put up with? 
Was it worth it all? The indignation was growing. He knew that when the 
boredom (and, he knew, the loneliness) grew, the only way to beat it was 
with the indignation. When the anger was gone, that was all there is.
	Doing their equivalent of the marathon, the four made their way 
through the night to the next leg, hoping to squeeze in as much time as 
they could.



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	(Detach here)
	For lack of anything better to write, I'll digress into the 
character summaries of the first day of Switch:
	Ranma: had two fights, a sparring match, and a "weak" moment with 
Akane, transformed into a girl twice, trained with the fathers, grew a 
mustache, lost the mustache, had four hot baths, had seven okonomiyakis 
before lunch at the Ucchan's, talked about Ryoga with Nabiki, had a talk 
with Dr. Tofu, went to Dr. Tofu's clinic twice, and to the Ucchan's once. 
Presently on the way to Mt. Fuji with Cologne, Soun and Genma, to 
apprehend Happosai. Did not, even once, see Shampoo.
	Akane: had two fights, a sparring match, and a "weak" moment 
during a sunshower with Ranma, had an okonomiyaki before lunch at the 
Ucchan's, went with her fiancée to have a recurring condition removed, 
tried to get her mind off of worries by watching a scary movie. 
Presently in the Tendo dojo with her sisters. Did not, even once, see 
Ryoga in human form.
	Ryoga: paid through the nose thrice, sleep-walked to Ukyo's 
bedroom, slept with both Ukyo and Akane, transformed to a pig once, 
escorted Nabiki to the bank, got kissed by Nabiki at the Ucchan's, 
accidentally peeped through the tops of two blouses, wandered into the 
Cat Cafe, and Kuno's mansion, got into a fight with Mr. Turtle, which 
ended in a draw, has not eaten anything, unless he liked inhaling his 
okonomiyaki. Presently facing possible trajectory from Ukyo's bedroom's 
bed's Ukyo, thinking that the pillow underneath him was Akane's washboard 
stomach. Did not, even once, see Akane (although he did sleep with her).
	Ukyo: slept with P-chan, saw Akane and Ranma together in the 
Ucchan's, saw Nabiki and Ryoga together in the Ucchan's, brought Ryoga to 
her room while he was unconscious, slept about as long as Ryoga, did not 
have lunch, has been having a Kafka-esque day, needs a hug. Presently 
worried about her present status as a nubile young woman, in bed with 
Ryoga, in her bedroom. Did not, even once, see Tsubasa. 
	Nabiki: was being suspiciously devious and generally weird, 
suggested Dr. Tofu during the mustache crisis, confronted Ryoga with 
knowledge about him and Akane, went to the bank with Ryoga, had a war of 
wills with Ukyo in the Ucchan's, kissed Ryoga in the Ucchan's, ordered 
take-out for the dojo, met with a totally nondescript individual in the 
park, talked to Ranma about Ryoga, and went to bed early. Presently she 
is in the dojo with her sisters. Did not, even once, see P-chan.
	Kasumi: cooked two breakfasts, missed lunch, went to return a book 
she had borrowed from Dr. Tofu, borrowed another book, took an anonymous 
piece of paper from there, tried to have a talk with Akane, led Kuno in 
with P-chan. Presently on the phone in the Tendo dojo. Did not, even 
once, see Dr. Tofu sane.
	Tofu: talked to Ranma after he got LEO'd after daybreak, fixed 
Ranma up with his facial hair, went wild when Kasumi came in, ended up 
with Betty in the half of Nerima where Nodoka's staying. Presently 
unknown, much like what happened to him in the manga. Did not quite see 
Kasumi.
	Betty: went with the good doctor. Presently unknown. Cannot see.
	Soun: trained with the Saotomes, read his newspaper, watched 
morning animes, chimed in on Ranma's protein problem, checked for Kuno's 
intelligence, saw Nabiki leave with Ryoga, blanked out for a while 
waiting for lunch, smacked the panda, took quick action-telephotography 
lessons, played go. Presently with Ranma, Genma and Cologne on the trip 
to Fuji-yama to fetch the old lech. Did not, even once, see Sasuke.
	Genma: trained with his son (the cur) and best friend, transformed 
only once, went to the zoo as a panda, had some bamboo, saw Nodoka, 
figured out that she was coming to visit, slammed into Mousse, paid for 
the take-out, got bopped by Soun, played go. Presently on the manhunt 
for the Master. Did not, even once, see the hair growth on Ranma.
	Cologne: woke up with a smile, saw Dr. Tofu pass by, knew that 
Shampoo had come from the dojo, found out where Happy was. Presently 
bringing the raiding party to Mt. Fuji. Did not, even once, see 
Happosai, even on the menu.
	Mousse: woke up in the garbage, ripped some pages from Shampoo's 
recipe book, got sent for an errand, got run over by a panda, got caught 
out in the sunshower, was duck-napped by Sasuke, fended off an attack by 
a crazed ninja-chef, got into a one-sided fight with Mr. Turtle while 
being blind, became the object of Kodachi's obsessions, fell them both 
while in mid-flight upon Tsubasa. Presently unconscious with Kodachi, 
Tsubasa and an anchor. Did not, even once, see clearly.
	Happosai: lugged an ice box all the way to Mt. Fuji, all the way 
causing havoc, and general disorder, bumped into Tsubasa in a bamboo 
outfit. Presently waiting in the vicinity of the mountain. Did not, 
even once, see Akane's panties.
	Shampoo: tried to look for eggs, stole half a dozen from Nodoka, 
ended up feeding Tsubasa some lunch after getting caught in the 
sunshower, gave the kiss of death, assuming that Tsubasa was female, 
tried to escape the over-eager advances of the oven-girl, changed into 
feline form by being dumped into the river, got picked up by Akane, 
returned to the Cat Cafe, was brewing up some hate-potion for Tsubasa. 
Presently industriously pondering her next move. Did not, even once, see 
Nabiki.
	Tsubasa: tried to get to the Ucchan's with a minimum of damage, 
after discarding some recipes, got mauled by a panda in the zoo, got run 
over by a speeding pervert, followed a Chinese delivery girl in skimpy 
clothing who kissed him, chased after the aforementioned delivery girl, 
lost self-same, dressed up as a garbage can, a bamboo, a park bench, a 
signpost, a statue of a horse, a telephone pole, an oven, and a fire 
hydrant. Presently unconscious under the influence of heavy metal. Did 
not, even once, see the girl he was looking for at the time he was 
looking. 
	Nodoka: bought groceries, needs to have her coif set, planned to 
go to the Tendo dojo, probably is coming by soon, lost a few eggs, saw a 
strange young martial artist with a skeleton on his back. Presently 
asleep at the place she's at. Hasn't seen her family in ten years, would 
you believe? 
	Kuno: practiced light-reflection from off of teeth, poem creation, 
and light kendo, tried to woo Akane Tendo, blanked out at morning anime, 
and generally kept himself out of trouble. Presently resting in the 
quarters fit for a warrior of his stature. Did not, even once, see his 
pig-tailed goddess.
	Sasuke: has trailed Ryoga prowling the Kuno estate, been knocked 
off by one of Kuno's air-pressure swipes, been told off by Kodachi, blown 
up by Mousse, swiped some Amazon recipes, stolen a stuffed duck from off 
the road, made a late lunch for his master, and got mauled by his 
mistress's pet. Presently unknown. Did not, even once, see Nabiki.
	Kodachi: has mistaken a fight for survival for a convivial 
aggressiveness on the part of her pet, has inhaled a rather potent love 
potion-aphrodisiac-paralysis drug, and has been enamored by a blind 
Mousse, and was felled by a rather heavy anchor. Presently under 
sedation of a big downer. Did not, even once, see Ranma darling. Ho - 
HO - ho HO Ho - ho!
	Mr. Turtle: has not eaten, has tried to eat three other main 
characters, is very tired. Presently in his pond. Did not, even once, 
win a match.
	Principal Kuno: is in Hawaii, thank God. Hasn't been seen since.
	The man: woke up late, met up with Nabiki, confirmed the safety 
of... Presently asleep in a fourth floor apartment with a busted light. 
Did not see a mirror, and probably feels bad because of it.
	Having said all that, it makes me think that there's not much left 
to do. Unfortunately, the odyssey has just begun. What wonders could 
occur within the next day of mishaps? Will there be a point to all the 
pairings-up and machinations? When will the main story arrive? Who the 
hell is the man? And, will this still be the first fanfic to do what I'd 
planned to do with this for a while now by the time that I get there?
	The answers I do have do quite answer them, but I'm willing to part 
with them for a minimum fuss. The crystal ball has told me that:
	- there will be some use of more herbs and spices (no surprise).
	- there will be a big geyser in the sky.
	- pairs will be made, and pairs will be broken.
	- the build up of a major change is coming.
	- more of what hasn't come out is coming out, but the color yellow 
is not in the future.
	- a new dojo occupant arrives.
	- a wedding is in the offing.
	And with that, the crystal ball went kaput.
	Please somehow send C&C. 
	And this time, I'm making sure to wait for it.
	(Detach here)
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