------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Switch: Herbs and Spices (Chapter 10 / 22) by Nikholas "Switch" F. Toledo ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please do remember that Ranma 1/2 is a trademark and a copyright of and by some big name people and companies I am not even worthy to introduce. Anybody who says that I took any of their stuff better not find me hiding. Also, great thanks to whoever reads this and likes it, good thanks to whoever reads it anyhow, and teeny thanks to whoever saw this. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 2 Ten to One Against Dr. Tofu went out. "Hello," said Nerima. "Hello," replied Dr. Tofu. "Raining any time today?" "Nope," Nerima said. Then she winked in a coy manner. "Just any time I'm not expecting." He sighed. He stretched. He yawned. "I'm doing some exercises. Goodbye." "Goodbye," said Nerima. Shampoo slammed the door behind her. She thought again, then opened it, just to slam it harder. Without her prior notice, the door locked itself shut. Gosunkugi dressed up in something normal that day. Lugging three tomes, he hefted his load and trudged a path to the library. Mousse wondered what was happening. All of a sudden, he was caught underfoot by a very solid gust of wind. Underfoot? He regained his balance, then very carefully stepped off the truck, which was turning at that point. Mr. Turtle slept soundly, chewing on scraps of dark-hued cloth. Letting her own concern wash away her shyness, Akane slowly opened the door at the end of the hall. She pulled it back slowly, and only up to the point where she could squeeze herself through. She pulled it inward, checking if she had woken her eldest sibling. Kasumi breathed in and out in deep slow breaths. Akane tiptoed over the carpeted flooring. Okay. Now what? She held the basin with one hand, and set it on the low table, pushing the book to one side. Thoughtful older sister Kasumi, she mused. She considered where she could sit. The floor was a bit too low, and the table looked rickety enough with the potted plant on it. She leaned slowly unto Kasumi's bed, just beside the pillow. She turned to the long hair that her sister had. It was strewn in a haphazard manner, so much unlike how it behaved when it was tied up in a ponytail, along her shoulder. She remembered her own long tresses, and how much she had to sacrifice, to find love. She ran her fingers through it, relishing the soft feel of it. Remembering the cloth, she took the face towel, and wrung it, to return it to moist from soggy. "Mother...?" She stiffened. "Mother...?" Kasumi asked again. "Is it time for the cooking lessons yet...?" "No," Akane said softly. "Not yet." "Oh," she mumbled, feigning a return to sleep. They both smiled. Kodachi rolled, somehow not noticing that she was sleeping on shingles. None the matter; the sun was now starting to be unbearable, and the roofs were starting to emanate hot soup. Not that any of the martial artists would notice. An excerpt from the alleged black book of Nabiki Tendo, as described by several acquaintances: Ranma beaten in a fight by a guy - 10 to 1. Ranma beaten in second fight with a guy - 25 to 1. Akane courted by guy Ranma will fight/is fighting - 4 to 1. Ranma courted by guy Ranma will fight/is fighting - 3 to 1. Ranma bopped by Akane during the fight - 4 to 1. Dr. Tofu courting Kasumi (before Ranma graduates) - 20 to 1. Shampoo uses door - 15 to 1. New fiancée for Ranma showing up (daily) - 6 to 1. The above being Genma's fault - 3 to 2. Ryoga on time for anything - 12 to 1. Kodachi giving non-poisoned food - 16 to 1. Ranma and Akane getting married before graduation - 25 to 1. Rain in Nerima - 5 to 1. Any Kuno figuring out what's going on - 30 to 1. Happosai says "no" to panties - 35 to 1. Genma says "no" to free food - 35 to 1. It is also likely that the alleged black book is just a figment of some overactive imagination. Since Nabiki doesn't have a black book, one is more inclined to think so; she makes the odds as she sees'em. The katana lay, still in its ricepaper sheath, the ancestral sword of the Saotome clan. The bloodless blade shone in the darkness, unassisted by the light. Silent, yet swift and sharp. Where...? Nodoka didn't want to leave the greatest treasure of the Saotome clan, easy to plunder, wrath of the ancients... oh, what's the use. She stood up, after looking under the table. If the testy little thing doesn't want to be found, I'll have to wait my sweet time, won't I? She thought to leave at that point, but something held her back. She sighed. I suppose I'll have to look for it... She went back in, renewing her search. The blade glinted brightly, as though amused. Nabiki didn't feel like patting herself, but she had to admit that she did a good job. "... good job, Nabiki!" "Really?" She wanted to know if this was really a good thing. "Really, honey." The smile was enough to assure her. She smiled for a moment, then realized that the voices were merely in her head. The smile stayed, but became more lopsided. She set the plates on the table, and went up to call her siblings to eat. Because it isn't good to have so much angst in the morning, we cut to the following segment: Kuno hunted around for people in the mansion. His sister, who had been missing for the past ten hours, was not able to make a presence. Sasuke, who had last been heard to scream and shout and holler, all the while feeding Mr. Turtle, was not able to make a presence either. Principal Kuno, who was still in Hawaii, was still not there. Not as though "Tachi" wanted to find him there. The rest of the household, figuring that Mr. Turtle needed yet another meal, with neither the mistress nor the pygmy ninja to feed him, did not want to get "volunteered" into the job. They did not want to be found. "Would it be that I, Tatewaki Kuno, might find myself bereft of company on this fine summer's day?" He sat Rodin-esque, then: "'tis a sign! I must call upon the favors of the calisthenic epitome, Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed goddess whose name I am not worthy to remember!" Of course, Kuno would have used any excuse to find his two great loves-him-not. Apparently, he was better prepared now, as he pulled out two bouquets of roses out-of-nowhere [1]. He ran. A few minutes later, he shouted, "Augh!" Apparently, the only ones who really knew about the traps in the house were his sister and their dwarfed ninja. Incidentally, Mr. Turtle was freely roaming the house, scrounging up for scraps. Apparently, he was hungry, and there was someone to feed him in the house: he heard the "Augh!" and followed from there. [1] Out-of-nowhere is a term that is being phased out. Though some might assume that this phasing out is due to political incorrectness, as out-of-nowhere has no counterpart out-of-somewhere or, better yet, in-to- nowhere, biasing itself against the absence of location, this is actually due to the introduction of the trendier phrases "out of thin air", "out of Hammerspace(TM)" or "out of that space where all those things they get out in a surprising and unexplained manner come from." Nabiki was about to knock on Kasumi's door when Akane popped out, almost causing collision. "Breakfast is ready," she said flatly. "Be with you in a minute," Akane said, rushing past, down the stairs. "Nabiki?" Kasumi, on the other hand stayed in the bed. This, in fact, bothered her. A lot of things were bothering her all of a sudden. She pushed her way in. Kasumi had a damp cloth over her forehead, which she explained by way of gesturing towards the absent Tendo sister. Nabiki crossed her arms in front of her, then leaned into the bed on them. "Good morning." The eldest Tendo girl considered the ceiling for a while. She weighed her options carefully, then released a long sigh. "What... what do you think of Dr. Tofu?" Kodachi rolled in her sleep. Gosunkugi walked down the street. Despite whatever interesting things have happened to almost everybody in Nerima, nothing ever happened to him. He wouldn't have minded getting almost run down by a certain bouncy Amazon on a bike, or maybe by an alternately cute/sexy teacher waving five-yen coins in the air, or a shorthaired dream-girl. Maybe even a leotard-clad... nope, not that desperate. That only thing that ever happens to him is... rain. Of course, at the intersection, he wasn't expecting the rain to be blind Amazon. He wasn't even the bouncy type. Shampoo was at a loss. Did she anger some goddess of luck? Heavens know their whole gang have already tripped up all sorts of gods and goddesses, demons and some such. In the span of twelve hours, two simple potions have backfired on her. Why do these things always happen to me? There is a fine line between superstition and religion; a religion differs itself by a set of written agreements and a name to itself. In fact, two people who belong to different religions would, at best, treat each other to have oblique superstitions. (At worst... can you say jihad?) It is not a wonder that most religions abhor superstitions. (Or is it that most pious seem zealous to extent of superstition?) Unfortunately, there is a matter of propagation of the faith. A superstition may rarely have changes that would affect the spirit of the word, it is actually more likely that one scheming to abuse a religion would so blatantly focus on the word. After all, would one suspect the keeper of the word to go against it? In any case, superstitions tend to regard the world as a irredeemable cesspool of malicious spirits who will trip you up if you break a "rule"; religions would present a way out of it. Also, luck would unanimously be shoveled into the bin of superstition. After all, who but gamblers would believe that the gods would have anything to do with which space on a segmented wheel a metal ball will land on? "God does not play dice with the universe." There is a fine line between superstition and philosophy, but this is not due to probability. Kodachi rolled in her sleep. Then she scratched her nose. "Well..." Nabiki drawled. It was about time her sister opened up. She considered. "I... well, he's okay... for an older guy." Kasumi's mouth twisted minutely, as though she wanted to retort. Out of character? Nabiki was sleepier than she thought. "Well, what do you think of Dr. Tofu?" Not that it wasn't like her to reiterate a point, it was just that Kasumi did it for very, very obvious reasons: she had seen the technique used on their two younger housemates. Unusually enough, this one was confusing her. Did Kasumi want to know what she thought because she wanted to... compare? Re-evaluate? Contrast? Challenge? Two can play at that game... whatever it is. "Actually... he's kind of cute." They stared into each other's eyes for a moment. The tension was suspended when Kasumi choked off a gulp. Kasumi couldn't believe her ears. It would have been difficult if she hadn't had anything on him, but now... "Oh..." was all she said. Nobody's seen the back of Dr. Tofu's clinic, in recent memory. Nobody's seen Dr. Tofu practice martial arts, either. One could also infer that the two event spaces overlap. One could have been correct, but not quite. For example, Nodoka had seen, a day before, that Dr. Tofu was a martial artist, by his extraordinary walking abilities. Of course, in physical training, it is important to clear one's mind. The body, in order to harmonize with the mind, must come into a reset with it. Hence, meditation. A scheme was to imagine a furnace, to burn everything in your foremind, and to see it consumed, leaving a huge void. It is much harder than it seems, pink elephants or otherwise. To be a doctor, one would always have a presence of mind. The emergency, as it presents itself, should always be found, as would a solution. In short, to become a martial artist, one must stop being the doctor. Tofu, now known as Dr. Tofu, has always found this fascinating. Acupressure and acupuncture have been accepted healing crafts in the Orient for decades past, now. Yet, the basic knowledge of these fields have led to several of the techniques specialized in the martial arts. Indeed, the study of ki and its effects on the human body are well within the bounds of study of either. And, yet, these fields, like all medical fields, can be perverted and used against the human body. These, too, fall well within the fields of each other. Thus, the murderer distinguishes himself from the doctor in terms of medical jurisprudence, and, in that case, in terms of motive. As with the martial artist and the practitioner. In any case, Dr. Tofu was then the martial artist. In fact, he was doing one-armed push-ups on his right. With his eyes closed. Actually, it was a process that he started just lately. Pavlovian conditioning and all. After all, everything can be achieved by the power of the human spirit, right? Premise: whenever Kasumi is around while Dr. Tofu is "being the doctor", everything goes haywire. Premise: Tofu the doctor and Tofu the martial artist are two separate states of mind. Assumption: whatever makes Dr. Tofu go haywire while Kasumi is around, it is because he is "being the doctor". Hypothesis: Tofu, the martial artist, with his superior discipline and concentration and void, will not go haywire at even the mention of Kasumi. Experimentation. Right now, Tofu was concentrating on the martial arts heritage his father had passed down unto him. His breathing was in sync with the flexing and stretching in his right arm; he was his right arm. It was unusually quiet, but he took it all in. The mildew, the chirping birds, the all-ness and none-ness... he opened his eyes. There was Kasumi. At least, a reproduction of one of her most striking moments. In moments, Dr. Tofu's clinic suddenly had a back gate. Kodachi rolled in her sleep. Faster. Kasumi did say that she was going to have a chat with Nabiki, and that I could jog around for about ten minutes. Akane quickly took off the dress she had on (carefully putting it aside; she was planning to wear it today, after all), and put on a pair of shorts and... hmm... maybe not. She discarded the shorts and sleeveless shirt, and donned a gi, instead. Having done that, she rushed downstairs (tossing a quick "be a while" to her siblings as she passed by Kasumi's room), and outside. Ryoga took slow moments moving: quite a few, just to set Ukyo on the floor, making sure to place the blanket between her and the carpet; another few to gently reach her hands, which were possessively caressing the small of his back; yet a few more to untangle their legs. Sweet, sweet Ukyo. She seemed to have lost her ribbon. In a moment, he was cupping her hair in one hand and tying it loosely with one of his own bandannas. He was slightly over her body, and he sat up. He took another look at her. Yellow doesn't go well with blue, he concluded, and unbound her hair. The bandanna lay limply in his hand. She looked much better with her hair free. What had Ranma done to you, then? Nothing in the past days... well, past weeks, last he saw her... could have led to this. How dare he treat a woman so callously? Ryoga stood, ire building within him. Urrrggggghh... he started taking measured steps towards the door, but as soon as he opened it, he lost his concentration completely: CURSE YOU, RANMA! He sped through the opening, leaving the door ajar in his wake. Akane has had these jogging trips before, of course. Almost every day, actually. Ever since Ranma came, Akane hasn't been very sure about her own skills (not that she'd say anything on that count, that is). Apparently, those boys at Furinkan were good for something. Oh... hogwash! Akane pushed away the idea. She didn't want the old days back. And she wasn't that off... although, it did feel kind of sore in places. Maybe she should ask Nabiki about that yogaerobics thing she was trying. And breakfast! More than enough reason to start stepping up the pace. She rushes... she fakes... she turns... she trips... ouphe. Akane picked herself up from the pile she made with Mousse and, after some searching, Gosunkugi. Grahh. Both knocked out. They got into a fight... and Gosunkugi didn't get clobbered? Boys. #~_~ And I thought this insanity was Ranma's turf only. Better get them to Doctor... Tofu's? Ungh. Mousse is heavier than he looks. Well, Akane, she chided herself, what would you expect of a hidden weapons master? Rggggh. I need a hand... Serendipity and all, Dr. Tofu happened to pass by that self-same intersection at that self-same time. Kodachi rolled in her sleep. And fell. Into the bottom of the alley. Oh, yeah. Tsubasa rolled in his sleep, also. Kasumi was getting out of bed as Nabiki returned. Immediately, the younger shushed the elder, saying, "now, now. Can't you try to relax once in a while?" Both of them had in mind to humor the other. "Oh, all right. But I will have to return that downstairs." "Tut, tut. I am not having any of that." As soon as Kasumi was in a sitting position at the head of the bed, Nabiki placed the tray she brought across the long-haired woman's lap. Kasumi looked at the bowl of miso, and gave Nabiki an approving look. Snapping off her chopsticks, she asked, "aren't you having any, Nabiki?" "Oh, don't worry, sis. I've tasted it myself." Kasumi actually smiled at that. "No, I'm just waiting for someone." She whispered, "now just where could that girl be?" "Oh, there you are." Nodoka reached into a corner behind the refrigerator. "I should have looked in there first." Surely enough, the ancestral sword of the Saotome clan shone gleefully. Though she was severely tempted to practice some kendo katas, she quickly sheathed the gay blade. Hefting it so that it slipped in between the brown obi and the light blue kimono she wore, she went through the last-minute checks, making sure that she had the keys which she would hand over to her neighbors... oh, the cookies. She laughed slightly at her gaffe. All things necessary taken care of, Nodoka set off to a hopefully fruitful visit to the Tendo dojo. As she was about to leave, the front door flung outward, and a harried, yet otherwise nondescript man rushed in. "Madam," he started, "may I interest you in the truth?" Tsubasa has been in rather tight spots in carton boxes. A carton box is, after all, a tough spot to be in in the first place. Being struck by mighty mighty spatulae or being body slammed while constricting your body to the space of such a box is not a pleasurable experience. However, it would be, to most people, a hypothetical question to be asked whether or not sharing such space in a carton with a person of the opposite sex would or would not be a pleasurable experience. Hopefully to present an answer, the following sample was observed: Tsubasa fell into the alley in the carton, knocked out. Kodachi fell into the carton, asleep. Neither woke from this. Tsubasa rolled, right into Kodachi's face. Kodachi wrapped her outstretched arms around Tsubasa. Tsubasa woke up, slightly jostled. Concussion possible. Kodachi woke up, slightly freshened. Kodachi kissed Tsubasa. Further testings should prove more precise. "He left." Ukyo said this very softly, even before she opened her eyes. The situation made itself evident: Ryoga probably needed to go to a bathroom, and *poof* gone in two shakes. Another three weeks might pass before he comes back. She moaned slightly. "Ryoga Hibiki, force of nature," she clucked sardonically, as she stood for her morning toilette, "powerful, unpredictable, and leaves you breathless afterward." She shook her head, then promised not to be so fatalistic. Maybe just after a bath. Near the bottom of the staircase, as Ukyo turned to the bath's outer door, she thought she heard noises from the inside. Had she not been too wistful, these would have registered; they hadn't. On the other hand, had she been a little more wistful, she might have wished for Ryoga to actually find the bath, just this once. Of course, he wasn't actually looking for it this time. All Ryoga knew was that he was suddenly in a bath. Unfortunately, it takes him even longer to get out of a bath than into it, there being two doors and all. Open one, and, "agh! the hot tub!" Turn around, open the door, "agh! the hot tub!" And so on. Fortunately, so far, with all that water, hot and cold, he hadn't undergone any swift changes. Someone. At the door. Oh no. Like the proverbial trapped animal, Ryoga did as instincts told him: panic like a headless chicken. Ukyo opened the door. Ryoga backed up and hoped to God there was a way out of this situation. What there was was a faucet. A cold water faucet. Ukyo stood mystified as Ryoga just... just dissolved before her. And underneath all of Ryoga's clothes was a very, very wet pig.
