After a lovely breakfast of (surprise) cactus, Crono gathered Lucca, Marle, Schala, and Frog to tell them his little plan for a practical joke on Nu and Ozzie. He explained how everything would work and what everyone's role was. After he finished, he asked his four friends for their input.
"Hmm..." Lucca said. "I only see one little flaw. How are we going to convince those two that our made-up scenario is real?"
Marle had an idea. "Hey, Schala. You know a lot more magic than anyone else here. Can't you just cast a mind control spell on them?"
"I'd rather not," said Schala quietly.
"And just why not?" asked Marle indignantly.
"It's a very difficult spell. Also, it involves forfeiting your soul, sacrificing three virgins to Lavos, and takes seven hours to cast."
Lucca spoke up again. "Schala's right. We don't have that kind of time. I have a better idea for luring them anyway. Listen closely."
Crono and Frog burst into Ozzie's room, panting.
"What do you want? Get out!"
"It's horrible..." Crono began.
"Cats are attacking!" groaned Frog.
"Liars!"
Crono collapsed on the ground. He looked up at Ozzie. "No chance... to survive..."
Frog fell down on one knee. "Ozzie! I bid thee, avenge our deaths! The cats hath already broken the front lines... Make haste!"
Ozzie shook his head. "NO! I could never face those cats! I'll just be defeated, like last time, and the time before that, and the time before that..."
Suddenly, a booming voice filled the room. "Ozzie! It is I, your father! I am speaking to you from beyond the grave."
"Dad? Is it really you? You sound like a twelve-year-old kid."
"Silence! Ozzie, what's wrong with you? When you were a kid, you used to pull cats' tails for fun. You must overcome your fear and uphold the honor of all Mystics!"
"You're right, Dad! I'll skin those cats alive!"
"Move, Oz! For great injustice!"
Ozzie grabbed his Ozzie Pants and rushed out his door to face the feline menace. Meanwhile, Lucca and Marle were carrying out their part of the plan. Nu was taking a little snooze in the kitchen when the two women came running in and woke him up.
"Nu!" yelled Marle, "You've got to save us!"
"Ozzie's finally snapped!" began Lucca as she caught her breath, "He found the Ultimate Destruction Magic and going he's to kill us all! Only you and your amazing Nu-like powers can save us now!"
Nu thought for a second. "Ozzie's destruction is fueled by hate, correct?"
"Yeah..."
"If Ozzie's destruction is fueled by hate, then hate is necessary to continue the destructive impulses. However, all fuel, when used, is expended in some amount. So, logically, each time Ozzie has a destructive impulse, a small amount of hate is used up. Ozzie's supply of hate can not realistically be unlimited. After a set amount of time, Ozzie's hate will be depleted to nothing and the destructive impulses will cease. So you see, all I have to do is sit here and do nothing and Ozzie will become a champion of peace and love."
Lucca nodded. "That all makes sense when you consider basic sixth-dimensional mathematics. Wait, look at Marle. What's wrong with her?"
Marle's eyes were glazed over and she had a blank stare on her face. Lucca waved her hand in front of Marle's face. Marle didn't respond. Finally, Lucca smacked her upside the head.
"No rubbish or Marle, head go boom!"
"Anyway, Nu, Ozzie found a way to override the laws of physics. If you don't help us, all will be destroyed! Please! I beg of you!"
"OK. I'll fight Ozzie."
Nu managed to walk into the living room just at the same time Ozzie came down the stairs. Nu looked at Ozzie and began formulating a plan of attack. Ozzie just looked at Nu until he heard a voice calling out from the top of the stairs.
"Nu's a traitor! He sided with the cats!"
The two behemoths immediately charged straight at each other. Just when they were about to collide, Schala pulled the switch. A bucket of water fell from the ceiling and soaked Ozzie and Nu. Crono walked down the stairs, laughing his head off. Ozzie, however, had changed to a shade of deep red.
"Oz... Ozzie's steamed!"
As steam began to rise from Ozzie, Nu simply considered how ironic it was that everyone here had just unwittingly set up the eviction of Alfador later today. Nu didn't get long to ponder this, because the TV screen flickered on, showing Jimmy's disappointed face.
"Crono, that was the lamest practical joke I ever saw! I even helped you out, and it still managed to be the most disappointing gag this show has ever seen. You are hereby disqualified from the immunity challenge."
Crono walked up to his room, still smiling. It's not like anyone would vote him out, anyway. Even if they did, the joke was still worth it. What did the Entity know?
"Where was I? Oh, yes. Today's challenge is a very unique one indeed. It is a game known only as 'What Number Am I Thinking Of?' I pick a number from one to one hundred, and the person who guesses the closest wins. Ready, go!"
Everyone wrote down their numbers.
"It was sixty-eight. Did anybody write down sixty-eight?"
"I have seventy-one," said Schala.
"Nobody got any closer? Okay, Schala wins. The voting's in three hours, have a nice day."
Time seemed to drag on until the voting started. Ozzie resorted to begging for people not to vote him out, making all sorts of outrageous promises. He said he would acheive world peace, be nice to kitty cats, buy everyone all the jerky they could eat, fight for lower taxes, and other stuff he absolutely no intention of doing. Finally, the TV screen buzzed back to life, and Jimmy appeared once more.
"It's time to throw out one more of you sorry losers. You know the drill: vote for whoever you want off. Have fun, and choose wisely."
The Poyozo passed out the ballots, everyone scribbled down who they wanted off, and the Poyozo read off the votes its shrill voice.
"Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Alfador. Alfador."
"Well, it was a close race, but we're all getting ready to say goodbye to Ozzie. Do you have any last words?"
Ozzie looked at the group. "I, Ozzie, am tired of making an idiot out of myself on a reality show! I finally get to escape this nuthouse, but you idiots..."
Ozzie's ranting was cut short when Magus spread his arms out wide and opened up the Black Hole. Ozzie was sucked in, and the black portal disappeared. Magus smiled.
"Finally. I'm free of that maniac. I spent all those years of my life living only for revenge... It's time that I finally..."
Jimmy interrupted Magus's boring plot development. "Moving on, bedrooms will be reassigned. Room 1 will be Marle and Crono, Room 2 will be Schala and Frog, Room 3 will stay Magus and Lucca, Room 4 will be Alfador and Ayla, and Room 5 belongs to Nu and Robo. Sleep tight."
However, nobody was ready to go to sleep that night. Frog broke out his secret stash of grape juice, Magus threw off his cape, Robo reconfigured his Laser Spin into a strobe light, Lucca cranked up the volume as high it would go on her computer speakers, and the party to celebrate Ozzie's departure began.
After two hours, everything had lost all semblance of control. Marle and Crono were hugging each other on the couch. Magus demonstrated his mad skillz dancing to techno music while Lucca and Ayla jumped on the kitchen table and danced along with him. Frog watched in awe as Schala performed an exotic Zealian dance. Guzzling down another bottle of grape juice, Ayla was so far under the influence of sugar she was blowing kisses at Nu and Robo. Alfador didn't get into the spirit and fell asleep five minutes after the party began.
Nu marveled at his newly devised scheme. Now, thanks to today's voting and the alignment of the planets, his total dominion over the planet was assured. Those fools would rue the day they dumped that bucket of water over his head.
"Hmm..." Lucca said. "I only see one little flaw. How are we going to convince those two that our made-up scenario is real?"
Marle had an idea. "Hey, Schala. You know a lot more magic than anyone else here. Can't you just cast a mind control spell on them?"
"I'd rather not," said Schala quietly.
"And just why not?" asked Marle indignantly.
"It's a very difficult spell. Also, it involves forfeiting your soul, sacrificing three virgins to Lavos, and takes seven hours to cast."
Lucca spoke up again. "Schala's right. We don't have that kind of time. I have a better idea for luring them anyway. Listen closely."
Crono and Frog burst into Ozzie's room, panting.
"What do you want? Get out!"
"It's horrible..." Crono began.
"Cats are attacking!" groaned Frog.
"Liars!"
Crono collapsed on the ground. He looked up at Ozzie. "No chance... to survive..."
Frog fell down on one knee. "Ozzie! I bid thee, avenge our deaths! The cats hath already broken the front lines... Make haste!"
Ozzie shook his head. "NO! I could never face those cats! I'll just be defeated, like last time, and the time before that, and the time before that..."
Suddenly, a booming voice filled the room. "Ozzie! It is I, your father! I am speaking to you from beyond the grave."
"Dad? Is it really you? You sound like a twelve-year-old kid."
"Silence! Ozzie, what's wrong with you? When you were a kid, you used to pull cats' tails for fun. You must overcome your fear and uphold the honor of all Mystics!"
"You're right, Dad! I'll skin those cats alive!"
"Move, Oz! For great injustice!"
Ozzie grabbed his Ozzie Pants and rushed out his door to face the feline menace. Meanwhile, Lucca and Marle were carrying out their part of the plan. Nu was taking a little snooze in the kitchen when the two women came running in and woke him up.
"Nu!" yelled Marle, "You've got to save us!"
"Ozzie's finally snapped!" began Lucca as she caught her breath, "He found the Ultimate Destruction Magic and going he's to kill us all! Only you and your amazing Nu-like powers can save us now!"
Nu thought for a second. "Ozzie's destruction is fueled by hate, correct?"
"Yeah..."
"If Ozzie's destruction is fueled by hate, then hate is necessary to continue the destructive impulses. However, all fuel, when used, is expended in some amount. So, logically, each time Ozzie has a destructive impulse, a small amount of hate is used up. Ozzie's supply of hate can not realistically be unlimited. After a set amount of time, Ozzie's hate will be depleted to nothing and the destructive impulses will cease. So you see, all I have to do is sit here and do nothing and Ozzie will become a champion of peace and love."
Lucca nodded. "That all makes sense when you consider basic sixth-dimensional mathematics. Wait, look at Marle. What's wrong with her?"
Marle's eyes were glazed over and she had a blank stare on her face. Lucca waved her hand in front of Marle's face. Marle didn't respond. Finally, Lucca smacked her upside the head.
"No rubbish or Marle, head go boom!"
"Anyway, Nu, Ozzie found a way to override the laws of physics. If you don't help us, all will be destroyed! Please! I beg of you!"
"OK. I'll fight Ozzie."
Nu managed to walk into the living room just at the same time Ozzie came down the stairs. Nu looked at Ozzie and began formulating a plan of attack. Ozzie just looked at Nu until he heard a voice calling out from the top of the stairs.
"Nu's a traitor! He sided with the cats!"
The two behemoths immediately charged straight at each other. Just when they were about to collide, Schala pulled the switch. A bucket of water fell from the ceiling and soaked Ozzie and Nu. Crono walked down the stairs, laughing his head off. Ozzie, however, had changed to a shade of deep red.
"Oz... Ozzie's steamed!"
As steam began to rise from Ozzie, Nu simply considered how ironic it was that everyone here had just unwittingly set up the eviction of Alfador later today. Nu didn't get long to ponder this, because the TV screen flickered on, showing Jimmy's disappointed face.
"Crono, that was the lamest practical joke I ever saw! I even helped you out, and it still managed to be the most disappointing gag this show has ever seen. You are hereby disqualified from the immunity challenge."
Crono walked up to his room, still smiling. It's not like anyone would vote him out, anyway. Even if they did, the joke was still worth it. What did the Entity know?
"Where was I? Oh, yes. Today's challenge is a very unique one indeed. It is a game known only as 'What Number Am I Thinking Of?' I pick a number from one to one hundred, and the person who guesses the closest wins. Ready, go!"
Everyone wrote down their numbers.
"It was sixty-eight. Did anybody write down sixty-eight?"
"I have seventy-one," said Schala.
"Nobody got any closer? Okay, Schala wins. The voting's in three hours, have a nice day."
Time seemed to drag on until the voting started. Ozzie resorted to begging for people not to vote him out, making all sorts of outrageous promises. He said he would acheive world peace, be nice to kitty cats, buy everyone all the jerky they could eat, fight for lower taxes, and other stuff he absolutely no intention of doing. Finally, the TV screen buzzed back to life, and Jimmy appeared once more.
"It's time to throw out one more of you sorry losers. You know the drill: vote for whoever you want off. Have fun, and choose wisely."
The Poyozo passed out the ballots, everyone scribbled down who they wanted off, and the Poyozo read off the votes its shrill voice.
"Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Ozzie. Alfador. Alfador."
"Well, it was a close race, but we're all getting ready to say goodbye to Ozzie. Do you have any last words?"
Ozzie looked at the group. "I, Ozzie, am tired of making an idiot out of myself on a reality show! I finally get to escape this nuthouse, but you idiots..."
Ozzie's ranting was cut short when Magus spread his arms out wide and opened up the Black Hole. Ozzie was sucked in, and the black portal disappeared. Magus smiled.
"Finally. I'm free of that maniac. I spent all those years of my life living only for revenge... It's time that I finally..."
Jimmy interrupted Magus's boring plot development. "Moving on, bedrooms will be reassigned. Room 1 will be Marle and Crono, Room 2 will be Schala and Frog, Room 3 will stay Magus and Lucca, Room 4 will be Alfador and Ayla, and Room 5 belongs to Nu and Robo. Sleep tight."
However, nobody was ready to go to sleep that night. Frog broke out his secret stash of grape juice, Magus threw off his cape, Robo reconfigured his Laser Spin into a strobe light, Lucca cranked up the volume as high it would go on her computer speakers, and the party to celebrate Ozzie's departure began.
After two hours, everything had lost all semblance of control. Marle and Crono were hugging each other on the couch. Magus demonstrated his mad skillz dancing to techno music while Lucca and Ayla jumped on the kitchen table and danced along with him. Frog watched in awe as Schala performed an exotic Zealian dance. Guzzling down another bottle of grape juice, Ayla was so far under the influence of sugar she was blowing kisses at Nu and Robo. Alfador didn't get into the spirit and fell asleep five minutes after the party began.
Nu marveled at his newly devised scheme. Now, thanks to today's voting and the alignment of the planets, his total dominion over the planet was assured. Those fools would rue the day they dumped that bucket of water over his head.
