------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Switch: Herbs and Spices (Chapter 15 / 22) by Nikholas "Switch" F. Toledo ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please do remember that Ranma 1/2 is a trademark and a copyright of and by some big name people and companies I am not even worthy to introduce. Anybody who says that I took any of their stuff better not find me hiding. Also, great thanks to whoever reads this and likes it, good thanks to whoever reads it anyhow, and teeny-weeny thanks to whoever else even saw this. I have no need to remind you that this is Day 2, right? ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fifteen, Going on Sixteen [This chapter comes after the fourteenth chapter, "Fourteen Snakes and Ladders" and before chapter sixteen, "4X4 FWD/RWD" in days two and three of the Herbs and Spices story-arc of Switch. For convenience, it is written in chronological sequence. Incidentally, it comes before the side story "Three White Lies", but the contiguity between these two segments is somewhat dubious. It is suggested to avoid this paragraph, as it has nothing to do with the rest of the chapter, as marked by the square brackets used to start and end it.] "Who'd'a thunk?" Ranma said, feeling mighty giggly. He knew Ukyo could be a little... aggressive, sometimes, but, that was with him, and they've known each other for, what? Ten years. And here comes Ryoga... they just met, didn't they? Ranma stopped in his excited coming-back-to-the-Tendo's walk. Naah... they didn't even recognize each other when they first met. Ranma walked on, still giddy. Of course, we all know that, if they didn't announce their intentions, or their acquaintance, people always know at first glance if they were childhood friends once. Outside the Tendo household, a soda can dispensing machine bumped into the lamppost. "Sorry." "Where are the Saotomes, Mr. Tendo?" Mousse started politely. It had seemed a reasonably harmless topic to start off on. After all, Mousse had no deep-seated anger with the pigtailed boy (or, at least, none that he could care to remember), and, most importantly, did not have anything to do with elder daughters. Soun clamped a mouth onto the Hidden Weapons master's obviously dangerous weapon. "Shh!!" Looking right and left, he shoved the tunicked martial artist into the waiting room. Akane and Nabiki looked at each other. "What was that...?" Soun cracked the door just so he could come-hither his finger at them. Shrugging, they entered the room. "What's this about, Daddy?" Akane was a little less sure. "Where ARE they, Dad?" Soun huddled them over the table, Mousse still clutching the jars and shakers to his chest, which sort of made his posture equal to the Tendo sisters. "Nabiki. Akane. Is... she around?" Akane blinked. How could he... then again, with the tired looks on their faces, the hapless and helpless way they seemed drained on the floor of the toxic confines of the kitchen.... "She was here, earlier, Dad. But she left a while ago. Why?" Soun nodded gravely, then sighed deeply. So, Genma was right... how fortunate that they had been spared... he gave a small thought to the Saotome wife. "Genma and Ranma were worried that she would catch them here." Nabiki nodded. Miss Hinako did mention that she was looking for her "favorite delinquent". As for Genma... well, the little teacher would be quite a handful for any panda. "I can see why they were worried. Too bad they couldn't have been worried us, eh, Akane?" Akane just wanted to know, "so WHERE are they?" Soun shrugged. "They said that they'd get dinner somewhere else... and sleep over in the park or next to the river." Nabiki eyed him slightly. "Wouldn't that be 'if she was here'?" Soun's eyes widened. Akane pushed herself away, knowing what was coming. In the same vein, Nabiki pushed Mousse by the shoulders. She noticed the containers he clutched so tightly. "Can't you... disappear those things?" Akane took charge, placing them carefully under the table. Soun dam gave way. "WILL YOU TELL ME JUST WHAT THE *HELL* THAT WAS?!?!" Ryoga found himself cowering into the corner of Ukyo's kitchen, in which the refrigerator was already crowded into. Ukyo's crimson aura dripped clear and painful death, probably by drawing and quartering. "WHY WOULD *MY* HAND BE IN *YOUR* PANTS, EH?!" Make that basting and pasting. "YOU... *PERVERT*!!" He didn't want to do it... but she wasn't giving him any choice. "RYOGA HIBIKI, FINAL ATTACK!" "What?" Ukyo said, immediately distracted by the resistance. Ryoga put his hand a few inches from her face, palm out. "AAAAAAAAAAAA... GENKI DAMAAA!!!" "YAugh!" Ukyo pushed herself away from the hand, fearful of whatever would come out. Ryoga waved. "Hope you're feeling better!" With that, he kicked a nearby bucket, making himself a less-viable target, and ran as fast as his hash could take him. "Jeez... Dad..." "I don't know!" Soun wailed. "And it's still fifteen minutes to Kasumi's deadline." Nabiki wondered. "You've got anything to eat in there?" "Sandwiches." He pulled out a wrapped package. Nabiki opened it, smelling the innards of the quick-seal plastic. It smelled of fresh turkey breast, lettuce, mayonnaise, tomato, and rye. "So," she started, "you just... pulled this out of there?" "It's clean... packed it just before I came here." "Oh..." Having her turkey on rye, Nabiki seemed happy. Trying not to forget his manners, Mousse offered a sandwich to a similarly famished Akane. She took her father's sandwich, since he was... preoccupied. He wondered if Kasumi wanted one, and looked askance at Nabiki. Nabiki raised an eyebrow, and nodded slightly. Mousse went out the door. Now, here's the set-up. Akane, Nabiki, Soun. Three turkey sandwiches. Potentially life-changing foodstuffs. "Hmm... this is good. Kinda bland, though. Simple, too. Hmm... I think Mousse had some salt with him..." Can you guess what looked like salt? Outside the Kuno premises, a soda machine hopped its way along the wall. "This is soooooo... cooooool..." Tsubasa sounded as prideful as he could while sharing a soda can vending machine costume with a girl in a leotard who happened to be very attractive, alluring, and downright aggressive. "And I can give the right change, too." Kodachi gave the controls a languid eye. "Did you make all this, honey?" "Yes, dear... where did you say your house was?" "Right around the counter..." They turned. "Oooooohhh... and I thought my drumset was big." "Carry me above the threshold, darling?" "N-now, honey, d-don't d-do anything to..." The dispenser fell forward. "Sorry." Meanwhile, the meteorite was not floating in the pond. "This is great! I knew I'd make it taste better! Hah! I bet you were thinking that I'd botch even that!" Nabiki sat at the end of the accusing finger. "Moi?" At least, she thought, I wouldn't put salt on a sand... wait. The condiments we left in the shelf... in the kitchen... "Can I have a look at that shaker, Akane?" "This? Oh, sure!" She handed Nabiki the wooden container, then jumped up, flexed her arms and exploded, "Whew! Yeah! I'll just see if Kasumi needs any help..." "Not so fast, hot shot." Nabiki lightly but firmly put a hand on Akane's shoulder. She wasn't too keen about this sudden change in Akane's demeanor... an Akane in the kitchen is dangerous, an altered Akane potentially cataclysmic. "Can't stop now, Nabiki! Gotta go, gotta...!" At that, Kasumi came in with the plates. "Dinner's ready, everyone!" Soun snapped out of Waterworld, suddenly hungry again. Kasumi turned to her father quizzically. "Aren't Ranma and Mr. Saotome having dinner here?" Soun immediately returned to liquid limbo. Akane's heart fluttered in the megaflops. "Ai-yaaahhhh..." "There, there, father. I'm sure that the food won't go to waste. Have you met Mousse...?" "Definitely worth looking into," Nabiki smiled smugly, pocketing the spice, just as Mousse backed into the room with the rest of the food. "Oh, wow, Kasumi! They smell good! I mean, they ALWAYS smell good, but, wow! And they look so tempting..." Akane smacked her lips in a totally un-Akane manner, and had at her disposable chopsticks. "Uh," Mousse mouthed to Nabiki, who sat between him and Kasumi, on the side opposite to where positively bubbly Akane glowed with another type of aura altogether, "is she always this...?" "... passionate?" Nabiki extrapolated. "Not usually..." "My, my Akane," Kasumi said soothingly, "you must have worked up quite an appetite!" She scooped an extra large helping of rice, and handed it to Akane. "Thanks, Kasumi," she said, burrowing through the vegetables, fish and rice in 3.33 seconds. "Ummm, that was good. Well, I'm done," she bouncied her way out of the room, taking care to pat her father on the head. Nabiki and Mousse followed the Tendo heir with their eyes, mouths hanging open in wait for whatever food had fallen off their chopsticks onto their rice bowls. Soun cried unabated, and unfed. Kasumi took the opportunity to summarize. "Let's eat!" In a darkened room, a heartbeat. Could you hear it? Did you know that it was there? Would it be there tomorrow? Did it skip a beat? Was it dying, a world away from home? Cologne opened the light. "Grand-d... Shampoo," she said. Shampoo did not move from her position, sitting on the corner of her bed, looking out the window. She didn't even blink her sullen eyes. "Shampoo," Cologne said again, firmly. "Is it so bad," Shampoo spoke in dialect, "that I would worry for a friend." "No," Cologne answered, in Japanese. "No, it is not. I had not begrudged Mousse his freedom, as little as he did to assert it. That he has come to his senses, I do not wish to cross him. And you must honor his wishes." Shampoo stifled a cry, but it still came out as a whimper. Cologne steeled herself. "That he has stolen from us, and from our tribe, that I cannot forgive. Shampoo, you must take back those herbs and spices, and the bracelet, and YOU must execute the law." They both knew what the law said. They both knew that the line had been crossed, but were unready to pass sentence. Cologne left her charge, and turned off the lights, knowing, damn them all, that Shampoo would choose what was right. Mousse bit through his potato demurely. Wiping his mouth, he turned to ask Kasumi, "your father... is he all right like that?" Kasumi looked worried. "No, not really. But it's better to let father wade it through than to force him out." Nonetheless, she pushed Genma's portion of the meal close to her father's. Nabiki grumbled through the meat. "You've got that right." Putting down the bowl, she lithely stood. "I'm done for the night. G'night, y'all." "B-But, N-Nabiki..." The middle Tendo did not spare him a parting glance. With a sigh, Mousse gathered the containers and dispensers under the table. "I guess I'll be leaving now." Kasumi put a hand on his, "so soon?" Ahhhhhh... "I... yeah. Thanks for dinner." "Do you have a place to stay?" Mousse stopped his transporting. "No, I don't. How did...?" "You're welcome to stay in the guestroom," Kasumi suggested. "Really?" If he knew better, he would have thought that Kasumi was being a little too aggressive. Of course, he would have been entirely too wrong. "That, that would be... imposing." "Not at all," Kasumi said, drawing closer... Mousse knew, knew in his heart of hearts, that his day had finally come. Seize the day, night, and maybe beyond... "I better fix it up, then," Kasumi said, standing up. Mousse slammed face-first into the table, kissing the top. "Must... find... food..." Genma rummaged through the piles of combustible garbage, using some well-developed skills that came from ten years of trying-to-eke-out-a- life-without-money. Wearing his kerchief over his mouth, he waded through the stacks of newspapers and manga. "Here! Here, boy! Come and get it!" The Yamadas. Kami-sama bless their souls, and save their dog. "You must be SO hungry! I'm putting in an EXTRA BIG helping!" Where are the lights? Better remind Soun to tell the town councilman... food... "With all the vegetables, and fruits, and your favorite: STEAMED DAIKON!" Much like a pack animal that got separated from the pack, a huge blur attacked the waiting doggie dish. Ambush-retrieve-flee-*BONG!* Genma came down, the frying pan having done its job. "That's right," Akane cooed, "eat up... you'll grow up nice and strong..." Akane picked up Mr. Panda's dinner plate, and closed the back door. "What are you up to, sister?" Nabiki wondered from her room's window. "I... I don't know about this..." "Nonsense! You had known of my arrival and prepared for it! You had even brought out the relevant tomes!" Kuno waved the rather aged bookbound photocopy of "The Hair of Care". "No... I think you're confusing me for that fortune-teller girl in class..." "Silence! You have done as I've asked?" "Here..." Gosunkugi handed him the instant ramen cup. Sasuke intercepted the hand-off. "Master Kuno! I must sample these, just in case it's poisonnnnnnnnnned..." He trailed of his sentence, trailing off into the night horizon. "Cretin!" Kuno cried. "This potion of true and eternal love to and from Akane Tendo must be partaken of only beneath the beaming countenance of the blue moon. This potion is for mine lips only." He stood, Gosunkugi carefully pushing the pentagram away from the all- important footsteps of the Blue Thunder. "I must take my leave, sorcerer." Before Gosunkugi could even begin to think of asking for reparations, Kuno stepped out the window. "B-But..." Hikaru took another look at what was left of the doll, and was certain that the hair was distinctly brown. He hoped that that Mongolian stew recipe he used would work. Kuno never figures out, anyway. Now, onto the plans for the night... picking up the folder, he flipped to the appendix with the samples. There were four of them. "Which one...?" He flipped through to the topmost page, which had the header "Milk test". "This is Dr. Tofu's... this one's Ranma's father's... this one's Akane's father's... Ah!" He took out a single strand, eyes gleaming. "This time, Ranma Saotome... I will...!" *splash* *BONK!* "I'm afraid, m'boy, I can't have that. Why?" Here, Happosai brought himself to his fullest height. Toting the empty traditional "drunken master" wooden flagon on a finger, he twirled it. "Ranma is mine... hmmm?" Unsure of what had caught his eye, he picked up Dr. Tofu's compilation, and scanned. "Pop? Hey, Pop?" Ranma hmmed. Not there. Not good. The plan was, if Nodoka was at the Tendo's, they would stay at the park for the night, and Soun would fetch them when necessary and safe. Otherwise... well, otherwise, everything was hunky-dory, right? Nothing about one leaving the other. "I would've gotten you take-out, okay? The Ucchan's was closed," Ranma muttered, as though in explanation. Genma Saotome was many things, but he did not play hide and seek. "Oh, great. What now?" Someone tapped his shoulder. "Hungry?" Akane spoke. Ranma climbed down the pole. "Geez, Akane! Don't sneak up on me like that! I thought you were that freak!" Akane smiled slyly. "Where IS the master pervert?" Ranma tiredly shrugged. "Who knows? We sent him into low orbit, last time we checked. He won't be bothering us this week, I think." Bother us? Akane turned, not willing to show Ranma how goose- pimply she felt. "So..." she said, as calmly as she could, "want something... to nibble on?" Ranma stiffened. It wasn't just that Akane cooked him food, again, something about that pause... He felt that he couldn't stand the pain. "Uh... no, no thanks, Akane." "Not hungry?" Akane unceremoniously dumped the trayful of... gunk into the trash. "That's okay, then." Relief fought with worry and suspicion, but finally washed over by the sheer tiredness his body begged him to sate. "Yeah, well, I just want to grab z's, y'know." "I'd like to get in bed, too, yeah," Akane said vaguely. "Wonder where Pop is, though," he muttered, following Akane in through the back door. I must be dreaming. My head is swimming, and I see a light in the side. (Is it so slow? I feel like my head's full of a ton of goo.) Got... got to... gotta get home. - Mommy... I'm coming back from my friend's place. - You know I don't like you staying over... Funny, home wasn't this far away. Walky, walky, walky... (Is that a street I used to pass by on the way back from... where? I think I doctor I know...) (Doctor? Did your friend get hurt again? You play so rough...) (But, Mom... we're gonna be martial artists!) We are. - I want to get married to a beautiful girl. - That's why you run after those skirts, eh? - They chase after me! Ha-Ha-Ha-Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... Whoa! Nasty rock. I almost tripped. My stomach hurts... I'm probably missing dinner... Mom makes great s-steamed daikon... Food! The glorious flavor of food! It calls to me! It calls my name... - Mmm... smells good. - You like it? I made it myself. - Really...? I know just what to do with it... - ... mmm... the squid's getting cold... - It can wait... - ... I'm home! Mom...! Mom...! "Mom?" Genma said, his voice whiny and pale. Happosai smoked his pipe. "Hmm... sooo..." He languidly stared at smoke panties. "The pupil has taught the master some new tricks." He shook his head sadly. "Much as it pains me, I think that this charade cannot continue." He leaned backward, supported by a hand. How? Why? When? It didn't matter. Nothing mattered in the end, except the continued existence of the Anything-Goes Martial Arts School... in any form. For the School. For the Art. Tomorrow. Happosai stopped groping Gosunkugi's butt, and flew through the window, into the unsuspecting night. A running man can slit four thousand throats in the night, not that he had anything against throats, but he wanted... softer things. The house looked like it had been all this time. Dark, and lonely. Dark, and foreboding. Dark, and empty. An empty house. "Hello?" he whispered. This was too much of a risk, really. Even in disguise, he wasn't sure he could pull it off. He'd be caught, be pressured to show his son, and he could imagine the cool steel... Nodoka screamed. Genma vaulted the gate with one leap, and sped through the walkway to the training hall behind the house. In the garden, Nodoka knelt with her back to Genma. She was obviously having trouble breathing, and clutched her breast in a manner like, like... "No!" Genma pushed forward, reaching out. Without even thinking about it, Nodoka's martial arts reflexes took over, and the katana swept behind her, deadly and swift. "What?" Nodoka finally turned. Her face contorted with horror, and she fell to her knees, clutching the young boy that had innocently crept up behind her. His glasses lay limp, hanging loosely from one ear. "NO!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Detach here) I forgot! No eggs! Modified the eggs into quail eggs. Quail egg omelet, anyone? Much thanks to goo. I feel content that I have finally notched Day 2 on the three-day litany of Herbs and Spices. I say content because I feel that I have been gunning for the unassuming, underachieving storylining that should just send the readers over the edge when they finally get to the final parts. Not that Switch has been an overall fan-champion, no. I've been told, after all, that it went from strange to confusing to downright weird, sometimes. I know I've been that way, sometimes. If it makes it a unique style of writing, so be it. I've personally preferred Douglas Adams, but he gets paid for his work. ^_^ Anyway, as soon as I know someone's read it, I'm all set for the next. No, I think that Switch will continue to be awkward, imperfect and confusing, mainly because I've gotten used to it. (And I thought it was getting bogged down with mushy scenes already! Tsk, tsk.) There's just no simpler way to write it, for me. For acknowledgements, the Nikholas F. Toledo Zu, the TimeRunner, the Scriviner, d'Rillian, the whole Hill, and everybody I've been bugging this story (and associated rants) with are all invited to the awards ceremonies. My family's been keeping enough out of the way for me to actually write scenes like Tsubasa and Kodachi's and still feel safe. Whoever I have not mentioned will probably get pissed, but I forget easy. I'm not gonna post the Day 2 summary here! As for hints and teases for Day 3 events, I'll say it starts from "Three White Lies" and Chapter 15, "Fifteen, Going on Sixteen", takes a little stroll down memory lane in "Battle of Witlesses", "Letter #361" and "Tree", comes back with a vengeance for lunch, and pops the question before it's even time for tea. And there's still the 23rd chapter to eulogize it! It doesn't get any more downhill than this. Please somehow send C&C. (Detach here) -------------------------------------------------------------------------
