IV. Entschluss

resolve, decision, determination, resolution.

Kagome raised one hand to her own mouth to cover her gasp, and Kikyo's eyes narrowed.

His heartbeats shifted the air, the sound reverberating in the marrow of his bones, in the tree behind him, in the soil... he felt the power of the Jewel, swirling darkness so brilliant it blanked out his vision. He felt it... possessed it... knew... that all he had to do was think of his desire, and the Jewel promised to make it so. Yet, some small part of his mind knew that even the simplest of wishes could be turned into something horrible by the Jewel...

He knew what he wanted, he had dreamed for certain things for so long that he could taste them... but he didn't have just one desire that could be so simply twisted, as so many others he'd seen trying to possess the Shikon shards. He wondered idly how wrenchingly the Jewel could ruin him, then hoped desperately not to harm those he cared about... those he... loved.

The Jewel's power shifted, expanded, built into a furious roar in his mind and his body. The rush of sound and scent and wishful thoughts and determination rattled his soul... but his soul did not yield. He clenched his fists, brought his arms in close about his body, curled his legs upward, desperate to hold on to his self against the onslaught. The different-textured pain of Kikyo's arrow grounded him, but it felt like the entire world was shattering into and out of him... and he wasn't ready to let go of either himself or the world.

Dammit! He was not about to become a demon without his own mind or soul, and did not want the weaknesses of humanity, either... far too many demons plague this bloodied world already... No more!

Kikyo gasped, and Kagome tore her eyes away from Inu Yasha's convulsively shuddering form to meet her startled gaze. They'd both heard the words, forced nearly unconsciously from the half-demon's grimace... Kikyo's expression was one of intense focus, but confusion, mirrored in Kagome's own face... they turned back to the god-tree as a fireball of bright light built from within Inu Yasha. He flung his head back, sucking in air like a drowning man, and opened his eyes, their amber color completely engulfed by pupils as black as hell itself. He flung his limbs out as the light engulfed him, spattering droplets of blood from his palms where his own claws had left gashes. The women threw their arms in front of their own eyes, the brightness near-blinding them anyway, and he screamed.

The clearing exploded in a deafening tumult of light, color, spiritual power, anguish and sheer force of will. His cry crashed through them like a thunderous wave of absolute stillness in the midst of utter chaos, and they fell backwards, clutching at the earth for stability as the entire world seemed to sputter and shift.

Then, silence...

A wheezing breath.

A soft moan from Kikyo.

A quiet huff from Kagome.

The soft rustle of a light afternoon breeze through leaves.

Kagome blinked, rubbing her eyes, and realized that the brightness was only normal sunlight. "Inu Yasha!"

His familiar form hung limply, still pinned to the god-tree by Kikyo's arrow, which glowed faintly violet against the red of his clothing. His head lolled forward, his hair tumbling forward over his face.

She hauled herself to her feet and wobbled unsteadily toward the base of the tree. He... he was still breathing... his head moved! "Inu Yasha?"

"Mmmgh..." He lifted his head slightly, and his lids lifted slowly. He looked down at her, slightly dazed. "Kagome?"

"Inu Yasha! Are you all right? You... you're..."

His brow creased into a small frown, and he lifted his hands before him. His eyes widened as he saw his familiar hands, claws bloodied from clenching his fists too tightly. His nostrils flared briefly. "I'm still... I'm..." He closed his eyes. He sniffed the air, and his ears twitched slightly. He paused, motionless, as though listening for something beyond hearing, then opened his eyes again. "I'm still me."

"What?!" Kikyo had risen to her feet, taking a few steps closer to them.

Inu Yasha's expression softened. "I'm still me. Just as I've always been. And the Jewel is gone. You were right all those years ago... my using it caused it to stop existing."

Her expression darkened. "Yet you remain. Not human." Her fists clenched at her sides.

"Kikyo..." Kagome tried to interrupt, but Inu Yasha held one hand out to her, asking her once again to allow him to deal with his past without interference. She pressed her lips together, obviously not happy but acquiescing.

Inu Yasha looked directly at Kikyo. "No, not human. And not demon, either. A halfbreed, as always. And therefore affected by this damned spell of yours, Kikyo, as surely as if I'd never had the Jewel."

Kikyo paused, considering.

"Please, Kikyo. I've given you what revenge I can. I've seen to the death of the one who killed you, the one who sowed mistrust between us and convinced us for years that our feelings were nothing... nothing but dishonesty and betrayal. I... I've... loved you... but because I didn't trust you enough, you died... there's nothing I can ever do to fix what's happened since then... I won't let you kill me... but I've spent fifty years here, and now I'm going to spend forever here... Please, let this be enough... please, find your rest... be appeased... please..." He reached out one bloodied hand toward her, trembling slightly.

She stepped forward, the tears she'd never shed welling up in her eyes as she focused on his hand. She lifted her own hand to meet his, and they softly enfolded and held, without either the hard edges of his claws or the blue-violet crackle of her spiritual energy.

"Inu Yasha..." Her eyes lifted to meet his, and her tears finally overflowed.

"Kikyo..."

She let the tears come, unashamed. "I... loved you... Inu Yasha..."

His voice quavered. "Please, Kikyo..."

Her cheeks wet, she turned slightly toward Kagome. "You know that most of what was once me has been within you since you called the soul back to yourself... all that is good is within you. I will not curse you with the echoes of my hatred or my anguish, child..." Kagome's mouth fell open, but Kikyo was already turning away from her. She let her bow drop to the ground, turning back to the half-demon she'd pinned to the tree. "I... will rest. Sleep well, Inu Yasha..." Kikyo lifted her other hand to unsling her quiver and then placed her palm against the god-tree's trunk. "Thank you... for... understanding my need for vengeance... and for... not destroying me... even this hollow shell... you... cared for... thank you..." Her hand slipped from his, and Kagome couldn't hold back her exclamation as Kikyo began to dissolve. A soft glow traveled from her torso across her arm, and it seemed that glowing dust motes gathered from all through her body to slip into the surface cracks of the tree's bark where her hand rested. Her clothing crumpled to the ground, covered in a fine dusting of clay, and she was gone.

"Ki...Kikyo..." Inu Yasha closed his eyes, his shoulders shuddering slightly.

Kagome tore her gaze away from the clothing and clambered up closer to Inu Yasha, grabbing two fistfuls of his clothing to steady herself.

He opened his eyes slowly, as sleepy tendrils of the spell were already twining around him, claiming him. "Kagome..."

Her eyes stung. "Inu Yasha!"

"Thank you, for trusting me... I think... I tried to use the Jewel so that no demons should give you any trouble... but in case it didn't work somehow, you should go back to your own time."

She shook her head, regret and denial warring for control of her expression. She reached once more for the arrow protruding from his chest, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't budge it. She only stopped when she felt his hand gently clutching her shoulder.

"Please, Kagome, I have to know that you're safe.... Go to your world and stopper the well so that no demon can follow you. Please." He fought to keep his eyelids open, searching her face for understanding, for acceptance.

Kagome's tears brimmed over. "But what about you?"

"Don't cry for me, Kagome. Sleepin' forever ain't so bad."

Her sob startled him, as she suddenly moved to cling to his shoulders and buried her face against the side of his chest unmarked by the arrow. "Oh, Inu Yasha..."

He brought one arm around to hold tightly against her back, drawing her toward him. "Kagome... I'm sorry... there was no other way... please, take Tetsusaiga with you... I don't want it fallin' into the wrong hands."

"I can't just leave you like this!"

"Shhh. I'll be fine." He teased one finger under her chin, and lifted her face to look at his. "Besides... if there's anyone who can figure out how to break Kikyo's spell... it'll be you."

"Oh..."

"But if it turns out you can't, that's all right, too... don't worry about me... take care of yourself..." His gaze lowered to her mouth for a moment, then lifted back to her eyes. She blinked, and he tilted his head forward those few inches... his lips were soft, pressing tentatively against hers, and then...

"I love you, Kagome." His eyes closed, and his head tilted slightly sideways, leaning against the trunk of the god-tree, and he slept.

"Inu Yasha..." Kagome clung to him for a moment, peering into his face, wishing in vain that she could wake him, then let her gaze travel over every detail of his expression as though to memorize it. She lifted one hand to touch his cheek tenderly, then slumped to the base of the god-tree. Unblinking, her eyes unfocused, she waited for the crash of emotions to overwhelm her. Their quest was finished, the Jewel destroyed, Kikyo at peace... and Inu Yasha forever asleep. She could even go home, that should mean something... but nothing came.

She blinked a few times, as the tracks of her tears dried forgotten on her cheeks.

This was all there was. All of their effort, all of their struggle, all of their pain... had been for this.

She had no idea how much time passed.

It was finished... well, nearly finished.

She shook herself, beginning to be chilled as the cooler breeze heralded evening's approach. Beside her lay Kikyo's bow and quiver, and she stretched out her fingers to gently stroke along the smooth wood of the bow. Picking them up, she stood, and lifted her eyes to the half-demon pinned to the tree. She didn't look to his face, instead unbinding Tetsusaiga's sheath from his waist and fastening it to her own. She gazed down at the rumple of Kikyo's clothing, closed her eyes for a moment, then turned her back and walked steadily across the clearing to where her own bow and quiver lay forgotten on the forest floor, next to her backpack and... partway there, she spotted it lying in the grass... the small vial, now empty.

She sighed, picked it up and dropped it into her pack.

She settled the pack into its familiar place across her back, and fastened both quivers over her shoulder. Taking the two bows in hand, she left the clearing. It was time to tell Kaede the fate of her sister's spirit, and to leave to her the task of laying the last remains to rest. She would leave Kikyo's bow and quiver with Kaede, and it was time to say goodbye to Shippo, who was probably worried about them... her. He was probably worried about her. Inu Yasha was beyond those sorts of cares...

One foot mis-stepped, but she caught her balance again and kept walking.

Once she said her goodbyes, it would be time to go home.

The sun slipped toward the horizon, staining the sky amber and red as she approached the village.