Gara's rambling: This chapter is for Aoi-san, my beta-reader and corrector, who is working without any break on Chapter 1. Meanwhile, I continue my writting. As Aoi-san is is a great fan of Kenken, I feel a Ken's POV could be apropiate to dedicate her, so here it is :) Aoi-san, I know I should have mail you this, but I wanted to surprise you. I hope I suceed! Anyway, this chapter it's large, the largest I've wroten so far (well, I haven't wroten very much, in fact). But sometimes fulfill a promise is not easy... and promises are meant to keep them. Hope you all enjoy it!
About the fic: Yaoi (well, shonen ai for now); YxK/KxY No rights about Weiß Kreuz.
SILENCEChapter 6
by Gara
I was in love with my best friend.
It took me a little to accept it. It was not easy. I had always thought of myself as straight, I had never been atracked to boys in a romantic way and... Hell, it was Youji who I was talking about, damn it! He had been no more than a friend for me all this time, for two years and a half, and then, suddenly, I started to feel different for him. The friendship had grown into something more step by step and I had never realised it until then, when it hit me with full force. God, and to thought I believed I was in love with Yuriko... How wrong I was. You don't know what love means until you find the right person. And my right person was Kudou Youji. My companion. My friend. My love.
And also the absolutely straight, playboy extraordinary, Kudou Youji. No more. No less.
You know, I could look like it sometimes, but I'm not stupid. I knew I had not any chance with Youji. I knew it since the beginning, since the very first moment I realized I loved him. First, I was not his type of person, I was not sexy, I was not interesting and I was not even handsome. I was just 'Kenken', awfully clumsy, not very clever, boy-next-door. I was not like the hot bombshells he usually dated. And there was the second fact. I was not a girl. And Youji loved women.
The problem was not I didn't want to be a girl, because I didn't want. The actual problem was I was a dreamer. A believer. Even when my head told me Youji would never look at me in the way I wanted, my heart incessantly asked me why not he would think about me as more than a friend, if I had thought of him like it. For a person that hardly ever uses his brain and usually uses his heart, like me, it was very difficult to stop dreaming Youji could love me in return. Well, maybe I was stupid after all. I couldn't help it.
I couldn't do anything but love Youji. How could I? He had showed me the deep person he was, he had showed me the good friend he was. He made me to trust him, to want his company, to laugh by his side even if I felt like dying. He also made me blush constantly and he always kept ruffling my hair, but it was not the case. And it was like a little tradition between us, or something like that, after all. Nor that I was going to accept it out loud, of course.
I loved Youji. I loved the intelligent side that made him receptive, deep and even mysterious. I loved the stupid side that made him just plain funny. I loved the joker side that made him so sure and a constant teaser, and the sad side, which I had discovered later, that made him vulnerable. I loved all his sides because they made him the wonderful person he was. I loved him.
And he... didn't love me.
When he told me Asuka was alive I felt I couldn't breathe. Oh, man. His Asuka. The same woman he had told me about, his first true love. Well, I knew I had not any chance, but it hurt to hear it so suddenly. I felt a pain in my heart, like a needle. No matter what I try, I could not compete with her. Any chance I had flew away in the very same moment Youji said those words. It hurt like Hell. It hurt so much that I thought I was not going to be able to stand it. But when I looked at him, I obliged myself to be.
When I looked at Youji I thought he was close to tears. Maybe it was my imagination again, playing tricks on me, but I had never seen Youji so sad, I had never heard his voice so low, I had never sensed his tone so unsure. I had never seen him so vulnerable. And it hurt me even more. People usually said you were hurt when your love is suffering. I could tell it's absolutely true.
It hurt me to see him so confused and so lost. He didn't know what he was going to do, and I could understand why even if he had not the chance to tell me, because I cut his words when I embraced him. It was the only thing I managed to do. I suddenly thought about what he had told me at Yuriko's, about the impossibility to love for us... and then I remembered it was Asuka what we were talking about, not a girl he had met two days ago. Asuka. The woman that sacrificed for him, the woman he couldn't protect once, the woman who had been in his memory for two years and a half. His true love, the love he had lost when he was a normal person. When he talked about Asuka, his voice became so sweet, so happy... memories from the past.
What could he do now that his life had changed too much? Should he look for her, pretending to be the same Youji he was? Would she understand if he tell her what he had become? And... What if she never return to his former self? Because she was a Schreient, I didn't know how, but she was. She could had been brainwashed, or she could lost her memory, or whatever. Truth was, she was not the Asuka Youji knew, even if the body was the same. What if she never recover? He should give up a dream he had maintained since he lost her. And to give up a dream was difficult, I knew it. I had to give up many of them.
So, I hugged him, pretending to show him with my gesture everything was going to be fine and he could count on me, because no matter what happened I was going to be his friend. I was going to be there, the same he had been always for me. I thought he understood when he hugged me back closely, embracing me like I was his anchor at that moment, or something to clung on to keep him still. The feeling was good, he was so warm, and so precious. I felt happy for being able to help him, and happy for myself, because Youji had accepted my friendship.
And I was happy to have him so close to me, it would be a moment I would treasure forever, because I understood right then I was not going to be more than a friend for him. No matter I loved him and I should give up another dream, his friendship was important for me, and I preferred to be his friend than to be nothing for him. And, when he told me I was his best friend, I knew I was right. Better that than nothing.
Better that than nothing. I knew it would be difficult and it would hurt a lot, but I didn't care at the moment. The same I didn't care after it, because, luckily or not, I hadn't much time to think about my new relationship with Youji, because both of us were more worried about Omi than ourselves.
Things developed really fast. One day the kid discovered something about his past, his kidnapping (at the end Youji told me to understand all things... it was not a secret anymore) and the next life told him he was one of those infamous Takatori. He had to bear with the fact his father was the greatest son of a bitch ever known, and one of his brother was plain mad. He had to bear with the gilt of pointing us with a gun to let his brother escape from us, even if he know his brother was crap. He had to bear with Aya regret, that had transformed again on friendship -or whatever it was the word Aya used for- once Omi had refused to be one of the Takatori. He had to bear again with the guilt when he killed his own brother, even if him had tortured Omi to know where Weiß were. The kid had been loyal to us.
It was Omi, after all.
But the worse was only going to come. Just when he started to fall for Ouka, with the sweet feelings of the first love, he discovered she was his sister. And then Schwartz screwed up it all, because they killed the girl. He died in Omi's arms. God, life could be such a Hell. Omi didn't deserve to suffer anymore. He had suffered enough in his life, and he was only seventeen. But I didn't know what to do.
I only saw him walking from home to school, and then back, like he was a ghost. Nothing about the genki we usually known, no smiles, no bright eyes. Nothing. No Omi. He had me so worried that the fake Weiß, those who had stolen our identities and entered in an army storage, were in a second place for me. And not only for me.
"I don't know if I could even walk if I was him" I told Youji once. We were alone in the shop. I didn't know were Aya was, but Omi was on his bedroom, like he usually did lately. He wanted to be alone and I couldn't stand it.
"I don't know, either" he said. His green eyes were behind the shades, but the short glimpse I had of them showed they were as worried than mine. "I can't believe he is the same Omittchi as always."
"He is not, Youji" I told him. "We must do something... I can't see him that way. We must cheer him up, or something." He smiled lazily at me.
"He didn't want to be cheered up, Ken" he said after it, breathing out the smoke he had on his lungs. He was smoking, taking the opportunity than Aya and his katana were out of town. "Not now, at least."
"How do you know?" I asked him.
"I just know."
"That's not an answer, Youji."
"Yes it is. You asked and I answered, simple."
"You know what I mean!" I protested, punching him on the shoulder. I like the fact I didn't feel uncomfortable with him, even if my feelings hadn't change a little bit. I could act with him the same I always did.
"Yare, yare" he said, lazily again. I just love that tone on him, it sounded like it had everything under control, and I needed to believe that.
"Baka."
"Omittchi doesn't want to talk right now. He wants to keep things for him, and if we try to force him, he would be mad at us. Do you want an angry Omi?"
"Masaka... Does it exist an angry Omi?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, pretending to joke, even if I didn'r feel like. Again, Youji flashed his lazy smile.
"It exists a sad Omittchi" he told me, and I nodded. We had discovered lately.
"Maybe you are right" I passed a hand through my hair. "You know, Youji, it's just that..."
"You can't see your friends suffering" he ended for me. I nodded. "I know."
"It hurts me."
"I know."
"You know so many things, I think" I told him. He smiled, and this time was more brilliant, so I could expect the answer was going to be...
"I know."
I knew it, too. I couldn't help but laugh. That was. You could laugh with him even if you didn't feel like it.
"I hate you..." I told him. I just loved him for that.
"No more than I hate you, Kenken. You kept me here, in the shop. The Koneko it's dead" he said, taking another drag from his cigarette, which was dying on his hand. "Let's close it."
"We can't."
"Oh, come on, Kenken. People is worried about those terrorist that had stolen our name. They are not comming here to buy flowers, you know. And there's not Aya to complain" he said, with his best convincing tone. "Besides, you need to go out. Why don't you go to the park, to play soccer or something? You need not to think."
"What do you mean with 'not to think'?"
"I mean to play soccer."
"Nani?! Say it again!"
"I mean to play soccer."
"You're are supposed to not say it, you know" I frowned, pretending to sound angry. "You're very mean."
"And for that you should go out to play soccer and let me close the shop?" he asked me. I laughed.
"Yotan, you are the oldest of the two. You're supposed to be the... Ok. Forget it, I was going to say 'responsible' but this word sound like sin related to you" I told him, with a smile.
"You... you... Hidoi..."
"You asked for it" I laughed even more. He was right, after all. I needed to go out and thought about anything not related to Omi. Nor that I didn't want to think about him, I just wanted to clear my mind and then, when I thought about Omi again, be ready. "Let's close."
"That's my Kenken!" he said, smiling and patting my head.
"Yeah..." I said, with a sigh. His Kenken? I wish I would. "'A death Ken, if you know what I mean."
"Aya would never found about it."
"I hope you keep your word."
"I hope you keep yours." He was talking about Manx, and I couldn't help but start laughing, hard. Now we had a draw. He had my life on his hands, the same I had his. I just nodded.
So, we closed the Koneko no Sumu Ie early that afternoon. Youji decided to stay at home a little while I decided to go to the park to play soccer. I was lucky, because there were some of my kids there, trying to play a game. They were happy to see his Ken no niichan at last, I had disappeared lately, and I was happy they gave me a excuse to forget all that had happened those days, and enjoy the simple fact of a soccer match with kids. I've never been a complicated person.
I liked kids and being surrounded by them. Their enthusiasm is infectious and also his happiness. They always try their best on what they are doing, and they give all that they have to do things correctly. They always say what they think, no matter what it is. It's true that they are sometimes cruel, evermore with other kids, but they are not so mean as grown-ups. They use their lies for conceit in front of other children, or for covering their pranks. They don't lie to cover behind their lies, like grown-ups. And all children are the same; no matter their sex, the color of their skin of their language. All kids enjoy the same: being loved. From their parents, their friends, their teacher. Whatever. They are easy to satisfy, you only have to treat them with the respect they deserve and demonstrate you care about them, and then, they trust you. Being trust is just beautiful.
So, I really enjoyed the match. Their cries, their angry faces when they didn't score or when they had a goal against them. But, on the end, they all were enjoying, they were happy, and I needed to see and be surrounded for happiness instead bad feelings, guilt and regret.
If only Omi could enjoyed it as much as I did... I could bring him to the park and showed him he had friends still, just like Youji had showed me when I felt depressed. If only I could show him that even us could enjoy life sometimes, although we didn't deserve it very much. Life could be beautiful in its simplicity, you can treasure a simple moment, like fastening the shoes of a kid while he was telling you he was happy because he was going to go to his grandma house to dinner after the match, because it was her birthday. It made me smile and be happy for him.
If only I could share it with Omi to drag him of his dark hole. If only I could cheer him up just like Youji did with me...
"Ne, Ken no niichan, do you want me to bring you some of the birthday cake?" asked the kid. I was helping him to fasten his shoes, he was still little to do it for himself. "Bachan told me she was going to make a big chocolate one!"
"Chocolate?" I asked, smiling at his smiling face. He nodded.
"Do you like chocolate, Ken no niichan?"
"Of course I do, Makoto-chan! But you don't have to. Your grandma did it for you, so it's you who had to eat it!" Nor that I didn't want a piece of cake... it sounded good, but I didn't know if I was going to see the kid for a while. "You have to eat it all."
"Ontou? All?" he asked. I nodded. "Well, my neechan would help me!"
"Sure she will" I said to him, ruffling his hair. "And now, go... they have the ball now!" I pointed to a group of kids that were fighting for the ball to score.
"Hai!" he said, and started to run. I couldn't help but keep smiling, following Makoto-chan with my eyes until he joined his team to help them.
But the sky darkened, from bright blue to deep violet and soon it was time for children to return home with their families. We had spent all afternoon playing without realizing it, I was so involved on the game, even if I was not playing, that I forgot everything around. And there were so much to see. People had gathered around the field to see the match and I had not noticed it. Only then, when they stood up to go home, I realized how much people there were. I saw children crying they wanted to play too, young boys and girls talking about what team was better, parents with their children, and pairings talking about the game and the cute children playing. I put my hands on my hips and smiled broadly, it was good a soccer match could be appreciated by Youji.
Youji?
Did I say Youji?
Yes, I did. He was also there, with his inseparable sun glasses and a cigarrette on his mouth. He was resting his back against a tree in that lazy style of his own, cladded on black shirt and trousers that matched him just perfectly, bringing out his fair hair. That was precisely what a group of young girls were talking about right behind me. I could understand them, sure Youji knew how to show himself. He wavered a hand towards me when he noticed I was staring at him, and approached.
I was staring at him. I blushed. I had never stared at him, I had never noticed the way his clothes fit him perfectly, or the way his lanky figure moved when he walked...
But now...
"Evening, Ken" I heard him saying, and I had to shook myself to wherever I had been. He was talking to me. "Are you thinking on the game still or what, Kenken?" he asked, poking me on my forehead with his index finger. "Thinking about those little brats still?"
"Don't call them that" I told him, slapping his hand out quietly.
"Touchy, touchy" he said. "You should go out more often and train those children" he continued, tilting his head to one side slightly and looking at me. "You seemed to enjoy it very much, like you were in the right place all time."
He was talking seriously. I shouldn't had been surprised for his receptiveness, it was one of his gifts, but it was a wonder how much he had approached to the truth. It was the way I had felt during all the match; I felt contented, like I was in the right place at last. How much time did he spent looking at us? Did he see the truth in a mere sight or he need more time? How much did he know me if he had been able to see that desire on me?
"It... fits you" he ended, with a smile that brought me to reality again. I gave him a smile in return. I liked the idea, to work with children and to teach them; and maybe Youji knew I liked it.
"Children are amazing" I managed to say.
"Sure. For you" he said, taking a gap of his cigarrette. "To work with them you need a great amount of patience... It's a task made for you, Ken, not for me."
"It's not so difficult, sure you can do it if you try..."
"Well, I live with you, at the end, and I've survived..."
"Oi! Look who is talking about!" I said, crossing my arms and frowning. Youji laughed at my words. "Besides, what is wrong if I am a child sometimes?"
"Did I ever say it was something wrong, Kenken?" he asked me, a mixture of middle joke and seriousness in his tone.
I gulped. What he had just said meant he didn't find anything wrong in the way I acted sometimes, even if I was a little childlike. His smile was so warm... I felt gratitude because he was wearing his shades. If he had looked at me with his green eyes with the same tenderness he had smiled at me, sure I had melted right there.
"Whatever" I said, feeling the need of changing the subject. "What were you doing here, Youji? Taking a walk? Waiting for a date?" I ventured. He seemed to think.
"It's a beautiful place to, now that your mention it, but no" he told me. He throw the end of the cigarette to the floor and stepped on it. "In fact, I was looking for you."
"F-for me?" I asked. He nodded. I didn't let my mind to start to play tricks on me, or my heart to dream. "I can return home for my own, Youji, believe me" I joked.
"No comments" he said, following the joke. Before I could complain, he continued. "But that's not the matter. We had a mission."
"Mission?" I went ready at the moment. "Did Manx..."
"Easy, Ken, easy" Youji weaved a hand to me. "It's a mission of my own."
"Of your own?" I asked, puzzled. "I don't understand."
"I know. Come on, Ken. I've parked out" he said, inviting me to walk with him. "I'll explain you while walking."
"Just a minute" I said. Youji waited until I finish to collect my bag and things from the floor, and we headed towards Youji's car. "Ok. Shoot" I told him.
"I had a vision, Ken" he said. I stared up at him.
"A what? You said vision?" I laughed. "It sounds pretty mystical for you, Youji."
"Oi! I could be mystic sometimes!" he protested.
"Sure. As mystic as my soccer ball" he frowned, but I knew he wasn't angry at all.
"You wounded me" he said. "Anyway. I had a vision. I saw Omi on the kitchen. Well, in fact it wasn't actually a vision, you know, because Omi was really in the kitchen looking for something to drink..." he explained after it. So, that was his kind of 'vision'. He was impossible. "I didn't like his eyes" he confessed, turning serious suddenly. I had learnt that expression on him was important; he had seen something very wrong.
"What do you mean?"
"I didn't like his eyes at all, Ken" he repeated. "There were... Dark. They didn't spark, it was like they weren't alive." I could see by his expression the vision was not comfortable to him.
"And you're worried." He nodded. "I thought you said..."
"I've changed my mind. Omi needs help. Badly." This time it was me who nodded. "So, Siberian, we have a mission. Target: Omi Tsukiyono. Mission: Cheer him up" he announced, seriously. And then, with that wonderful mischief expression of his, he winked to me. I had to repress the sudden need of hugging him close to me, for being so caring, so tender and so... so... damn good friend. I could only smile broadly to him, and he understood my own version of a nod. "Besides, I made him a promise, ne?" he asked.
"Yes, you did. Film and popcorns?" I asked.
"Film and pizza, I'm hungry. And I don't want you complaining about being near or not the microwave" he said. I punched him on the shoulder and he smiled. "I need you to help me to choose a film..."
"Ok. Let's go, Yotan."
Youji drove Seven fast from the place we rent the film, where we didn't need many time to chose it, to the fast food restaurant we use to ask for food. Sitting comfortably on the seat beside Youji while he was driving, with the pizza on my lap and the film secure on my bag, I was feeling good. I was hungry and a little tired, but I was feeling quite good. I had spent a lot of time with Youji, planning our 'mission' and joking all the way, enjoying his company and the person he was, and the idea of going to help our young friend. I had a warm feeling in my heart. I wanted Omi to feel it, too.
We arrived home sooner I had expected, but, again I had to remind myself it was Seven the car we used and Youji the driver. Nor that he wasn't a good driver, but sure he knew how to drive his car and he was fast.
"Where do you think he is?" I asked. Youji had opened the door and we entered, my friend left the keys on the first place he found, as he always did, only to complain when he needed them because he coulndn't remember where he put them. Youji took the pizza from my hands and I could carry the cans and the rest of the stuff we bought.
"On his bedroom, I guess."
"What do you suggest?"
"Direct assault" he said, pointing the stairs with his head. His hair waved a little. "Come on."
He started to climb the stairs directly to Omi's room and I followed him. I wondered what he was going to say if he wanted Omi to open his door, and even his heart to us. But, on the other hand, I was pretty sure that if someone could do it, it was Youji. Before I could realize it, we were upstairs.
"Ready?" he asked me in a low voice without taking any step.
"Yes, I am. How are you going to enter?" I asked.
"I have a big idea" he said, smiling. "Sure you're ready?" I nodded. "Fine. Omi!" he shouted. "Omi, quick! Ken is using the microwave!!" he screamed.
My eyes opened wide, but his long fingers were on my mouth before I could protest. I couldn't speak, so I concentrated on glaring at him. He smiled like a bad child and I felt my cheeks reddening. Damn it! I was supposed to be mad at him!
"NANI?" Omi's door opened inmidiatly and our little friend rushed out from his bedroom only to find us waiting for him on the stairs. "Youji-kun? Ken-kun?"
"Sur-pri-se!" screamed Youji, with his horrible English. He showed Omi the pizza he carried. "Old Yotan and good Kenken brought dinner! Let's party!"
Omi looked at us, at first puzzled, then he frowned and tried to retreat to his bedroom.
"I'm not in the mood for parties" he said in a low voice.
"Omi, you're not going to find the solution hiding behind that door" said Youji. His voice sounded so serious and so tender at the same time that it made you to listen to him. Omi turned around and looked at him.
"Youji-kun, you don't know..."
"You're wrong, Omi. I know" he said before Omi could complete what he was going to say. "Both of us do" he added, pointing to me.
Omi's eyes opened wide, as he had understood something vital. And it was. Even I could follow Youji's words. He was talking about Asuka and... and Kaze. No matter I had killed him at the end, I had thought for many years my best friend had died because of me, because he had tried to help me. No matter that it was a lie at the end, I had thought it and I knew perfectly what was to live with the feeling of losing someone you cared for. And for Youji... He had seen Asuka's body collapsing right in front of him, even if he had discovered recently she was alive, he had been living for two years and a half with the idea his love had died and he couldn't do anything to save her. The feeling of lost was the very same, and Omi realized it.
"Omi, nothing will change what happened, and I know it's not easy to accept and live with it. But you had to. It's difficult and it would be for ever present in your heart, but you had to, or you will be crazy." He sounded like he was talking about himself... but it echoed what I felt too. That was why those words were really precious, because they were sincere, and we all had felt just like it in the past. "Doing it alone is possible, but it's hard, slow and even more difficult, and you could end being like me" he said. Omi was going to say something, and I was going to, too, but Youji didn't let us when he continued. "Please, Omi, don't be. In the very moment you find you can't stand anymore or you can't manage it... I want you to know you are not alone, Omi. You're never alone, never again."
His tone was so sincere the kid was looking at him with his big blue eyes full of tears. I was glad they were so busy talking between them that they didn't notice I was nearly drooling over Youji. I liked how his voice sounded, the way he said the kid we were his family by telling him he was not alone and the way he approached to Omi. He had put a hand on Omi's shoulder, like he was saying 'I'm here', and he was giving his advice like a big brother, not like a father. And advice, not an order, and Omi had the right to chose.
"Youji-kun!"
And he did when he launched himself towards Youji, putting his arms around the lanky figure of our older teammate. The kid was crying, letting go all that he had inside his heart out at last. Youji put his free arm around Omi's shoulders and stayed still, with the pizza envelope in the other hand. I approached to them slowly and Youji looked at me. He wasn't wearing his glasses, and his eyes looked... There was sadness on his gaze, but also happiness because the kid was giving up his loneliness. I smiled shyly at him, while I repressed the urge to say him that, for things like those, I loved him.
"You can count on us, Omi." I found my voice at last. Omi raised his head from Youji chest and looked at me, giving me a little smile I returned. "You knew it, do you?"
"Hai, Ken-kun. But..." he left Youji embrace and rubbed his nose, wiping off the tears. "I didn't know... I just..."
"You're confused, Omittchi. Nothing wrong with it" Youji said, ruffling the kid's hair with his free hand.
"I just don't understand... Ouka-san is... was... Takatori's daughter. How can he..." he started to ask, but he couldn't. "What kind of person am I if I'm one of his..."
"I already told you" sounded a voice behind us. Aya was climbing the stairs. "You're Tsukiyono Omi."
Aya's voice sounded as plain as ever, but it was beautiful to heard it from him. The reassurance was important for Omi and, even if Aya could be de 'Ice Prince', as Youji called him once, sure he understood Omi's origin had nothing to do with the real Omi. The kid was looking to our leader with bright eyes full of content.
"But..." started Omi.
"No more 'buts', kiddo, or Aya would start to use that katana of his. Say you would, Aya." The red-head looked indifferently at him, but it didn't matter to Youji. "See? He would" said Youji, and I had to smile. The joker had returned. "No more 'buts', just say pizza, Omittchi!"
"Pizza?" asked Omi, puzzled.
"Yeah, say pizza. Pepperoni, your fave" Youji said. "Aaand... Show him, Kenken."
I opened my bag and took the film. I handed it to Omi, who looked at it and then... understood. His eyes were full of tears again.
"Minna..." he said. "But... I've to go to school tomorrow..."
"I think he has a fever" Youji said, touching Omi's forehead. "What do you think, Kenken?"
I repeated Youji's gesture and decided that, for once, I was going to lie. It was harmless.
"Yeah, pretty bad fever you had, Omi-kun!" I said. Omi' smile widened. "You cannot go to school like this! You should rest!"
"Yes, you should rest watching this film with us!" said Youji, pushing the boy downstairs. "Star Wars: A New Hope." I could swear his English was even worse than mine, at least his pronunciation.
"Why Star Wars?" asked Omi.
"Youji wanted to see his cousin, Chewacca..." I told him. Omi laughed at last and Youji frowned at me. "What? You're tall and the tone of your hair is almost the same..." I joked.
"Hidoi" was his answer, and I laughed. "Although Chewie is a good guy, I have to tell you I'm the reincarnation of the charming Han Solo" he said immediately matter-of-factly. I agreed with that, but I was not going to accept it so easily.
"I think Han Solo is cool" said Omi.
"See what I told you?" asked Youji. But, just when he was starting to follow Omi and me downstairs, he paused and looked at Aya. "Ne, Aya? Are you going to join us or not?" he asked. The redhead simply raised an eyebrow.
Aya didn't move a simple muscle from where he was. I could see how the older members of our group looked at each other. I wondered what Aya saw on Youji's eyes, or what Youji told him with his green gaze but, at the end, our leader relaxed a little.
"Start without me" said Aya at the end, and he followed Youji downstairs only to disappear on the kitchen.
"Is he going to join us?" asked Omi. He seemed to be delighted with the idea of the four of us sharing an evening together. So was I.
"Seems so" said Youji, who had left the pizza on the coffee table and was fighting with the video. He always said the machine only worked when Manx was present. "Come on! Live at my command!" screamed Youji, as he was summoning the video recorder. Omi and me started to laugh, sitting on the couch. "That is!" he exclaimed, when it started to work. "Yotan one, video-bitch zero."
"The Force is powerful on you, my friend" I said. He turned to me and smiled, and I felt like melting.
"You baka" Omi said, laughing, while Youji took his place just between us. I smiled.
"We should buy a DVD, you know" said Youji, taking a can of soda and opening it to drink. For once, he was not drinking beer. I took my opportunity and take a piece of pizza, my companions imitated me. "Aya! Go faster or the pizza would be done without you!" he screamed. On the TV we could seen the titles.
"Pizza is not food" said Aya, returning from the kitchen. The mug on his hand gave off a smell of black coffee. He sit down on an armchair at the side.
"You know, Omi. Everyone of us have our little secret. Ayan didn't know how to eat pizza..." said Youji. It never ceased to wonder me how could he dare to talk Aya like this... and how Aya could stand it. The redhead replied a 'Hn.' and just stared at the screen. "Kenken has pink underwear..."
"I have not!" I protested feeling like blushing. Omi laughed hard. "I have not pink underwear, you baka!"
"Nothing to be ashamed for, Kenken" replied Youji, with a smile, ruffling my hair.
"Stop that!"
"Silence" Aya said.
"... because here it comes Darth Vader, ne?" said Youji, looking directly at Aya. He didn't noticed, I thought, but I could catch the implication on Youji's words. I tried hard not to laugh. Omi was just feeling happy to be just there.
"What about you?" I asked Youji in a whisper. He looked at me and raised one elegant eyebrow, not understanding. "What's your secret? If I'm supposed to have pink underwear, then you..."
"My sides are very ticklish" he said, and I had the sudden need to check it. "And now, be quiet because Leia is just going to... there! Man. This girl is great for sure."
"Nani?" both Omi and me asked, puzzled.
Leia was farthest to be the model for the women Youji dated. She was not hot, she was not a bombshell, she was short and she wasn't ever beautiful... pretty maybe, but not beautiful. And she was short tempered.
"What? She remind me of..." he started to explain, but then he looked at me briefly before his attention returned to the screen. "Never mind."
"Who, Youji-kun?" asked Omi. Youji sighed and something hit me. Could it be... Asuka?
"Come on, she is a princess. What guy on the Earth haven't dream of it? Besides, she is rich" he told us. Omi and me started to laugh again.
"You sound like Han Solo!" Omi pointed.
"I told you."
The film went between jokes and comments, it was really funny. Youji told us he thought I was like Luke Skywalker, because he was at first as hot-headed than me, remark I didn't take very well and I replied telling him I still believe he was more like Chewacca than Han Solo. We compared even Aya with Kenobi, just because he used very well the light saber. But the best thing was when Youji compared Omi with R2D2, because he was chibi, and very clever, he added, when Omi pouted and started to protest. Of course, Omi had a reply of his own. He told Youji he was just like C3PO, because he was a big mouthed and he couldn't stop talking. But, as much as Youji protested and complained, I knew he was laughing inside as well. We cheered the Revels on during the last battle, and we celebrate every Imperial that fell during the confrontation. It seemed we were watching a soccer match more than a film, but Youji had started it with his 'eat it, you jackass!' when Han and Luke defeated those Imperials that went after the Millennium Falcon.
I laughed a lot that evening, so did Omi, his sadness totally forgotten. I even took a short look to Aya and he was nearly smiling. And, of course, Youji didn't stop to joke one minute and we didn't mind to follow his comments. I had started to ask myself if you could watch a film with Youji without ending laughing hard, even if it was a drama.
For me, it ended early, no matter what. I wanted it to last, maybe not forever, but just a little more. I was enjoying the presence of my three companions, my three friends. I was feeling like I was part of something big. I was seeing Omi feeling happy and being himself again, and, above all, I was with Youji. I was seeing him laughing, smiling and joking, and I could appreciate the warm bright his eyes were leaking. He was shinning right before me, he was attracting all my attention, I couldn't apart my eyes from him. Now, I was really staring at him, and I couldn't help it.
Because I loved him. And it was getting very difficult to me not to tell him, being the direct kind of person I am. It was more and more difficult.
We cleaned the living-room as better as we could. It was late and Omi was obviously sleepy, but with a content smile on his face. Aya seemed tired, too, he had been out all day, maybe in the hospital with his sister. But none of them complained and helped to tidy the room up.
"If you've laughed with this, you should try to watch 'Spaceballs'" said Youji as we all went upstairs.
"'Spaceballs'?" asked Omi. I looked at Youji, too. Aya raised a red eyebrown.
"Yeah. A parody about 'Star Wars'" explained our lanky friend. He chuckled. "It's really silly. Picture this: Yoda's name is Yoghurt..." we started to laugh. "I'm going to rent it as fast as I can."
"It will be great, Youji-kun" said. "All this evening was... I... I can't say how much I..."
"You don't need to say anything, Omi" I said. The kid looked at me and smiled.
"Thank you, Ken-kun" he simply said. "Youji-kun, Aya-kun..." Youji ruffled Omi's hair and Aya just nodded once.
"Go to sleep, bishonen" said Youji. Omi nodded.
"Oyasumi nasai" he said. He smiled again and disappeared on his room.
"Good night" Aya said, too, and he closed his door on his back before any of us could say to him he had been very nice staying for Omi just for one evening.
"It was a great gesture from you, Aya" I whispered, nonetheless.
"Indeed."
Youji brushed a hand against my shoulder briefly, before he continued heading for his bedroom, yawning and stretching lazily. His gesture had been great, too, all his behavior that evening had been great. So, I couldn't help it.
I suddenly put my arm round his waist and rested my head on his back, inhaling deeply as I pressed him against me. Sure he had a lanky figure, but he was also muscular, I could feel it through his clothes. He was warm and he smelt good, it was a mixture of things that screamed his name, and had you longing for more of him.
"Ken?"
He froze, I took him out of balance. I realized after the brief moment on which I had touched Heaven. I should retreat if I didn't want him being mad at me, but in the moment I was ready to go, he sighed and relaxed. Youji's hands covered mine for an instant, and he squeezed them a little. Maybe it was nothing more than a friendly gesture, but I could feel my heart was going to leap from my chest.
"Ken..."
"Mmmm?"
"I am... You are..." his voice was low, but he sounded hoarse. Was he stammering? He cleared his throat. "Ken, you stink."
"N-nani?" I asked, surprised.
He took advance and escaped from my embrace while my brain was trying to process what had happened. I felt my cheeks reddening, but I wasn't sure it was just because Youji had said I stank or because I had embraced him tightly against me... and I realised I wanted it to last forever.
"You... you... What did you say?" I asked. I needed him to tell me a joke, to make some of his remarks or I was going to hug him again.
"You stink, Kenken."
"I don't stink!" I protested.
"Well, you smell, at least. You never took a shower after your match" he explained himself. I frowned.
"Now it's when I took advantage of you telling me your deepest secret..." He opened his green eyes wide. "Now I know you're ticklish at your sides..."
I tried to approach to him to fulfill my menace, but he just crossed his arms and smiled with mischief.
"I lied" he said.
"Nani?" I asked, stopping.
"I lied, Kenken. You don't have pink underwear. I'm not ticklish."
"Oh, damnit" I protested, frowning. "I should know I can't trust you" He looked at me suddenly, we were very close. His green eyes were fixed on mine... and I gulped under the intensity of his gaze.
"Yes, you should know" he said, and he sounded somewhat... serious. "And I hope you can forgive me one day" he added in a mere whisper.
"Youji! It was only a joke!" I replied quickly.
"A joke..." He raised his hand and he touched carefully my hair. This time he was not ruffling my hair, this time he was brushing my bangs off my face with a gentle touch. I felt a shiver down my spine. I felt my heart going fast. I felt I couldn't breath. "You're a such a good man, Ken" he said, sweetly. I gulped again. A good man, not a nice guy, as he always said.
"S-so... So a-are you, Youji. You are..."
He shook his head and then smiled, somehow shyly. I couldn't say anything. Even in the darkness, his green eyes were shining. Even in the darkness, he was looking beautiful. I wanted to say many things, it was the moment to say a lot of things, but my throat betrayed me and went dry at the sight of Youji. And the moment flew away, jus like his hand left my hair.
"I'm going to sleep, I've morning shift" he told me, and he went to his bedroom. "Damn, I hate mornings, I tell you..." he said looking at me over his shoulder. "Good night, Kenken. And take that shower!!" he said with his last smile before he closed his door.
I stayed in the corridor, staring at the door like a stupid. It was getting really difficult to not tell him. He was so... magnetic, to say it clearly. I felt attracted to him more and more everyday, every hour. I knew I had nothing to do, and I didn't want to be rejected and lose him as a friend but... I didn't know how much I was going to last. I loved him. I loved him so much that it hurt.
"Good night... my love."
TBC?
Gara's notes: Ok, it's done. I ended this chapter on February 28 (Spanish hour), a day before Omi's birthday. Well, I don't really know. I think it's not so funny as I wanted it to be, but... it's finish. At it's going hard to write, too. Uf! They should confess each other and live happy ever after... but life is more complicated than that. And I like angst.
About the chapter, well, I love Star Wars: a new hope, it's my favorite of all films of SW. And I had never laughed so hard as watching Spaceballs, by Mel Brooks. I swear you. So funny! Yoghurt. LOL. And, yes, I think Shinichirou pronunciates English very bad. But not worse than me, that's difficult! Anyway I love his voice. More about the chapter... Aya wasn't going to appear. I don't hate him, truly, but it's hard for me to see him like a part of the 'family', just because he is always saying he is not Weiß and he wants to quit! Yeah, sure he cared and everything, but he still should realize that he is a part of the group, and they cared for him. Aya no baka! But, at the end I thought it could be a good point to start with the 'pertenence feeling' or whatever. I hope he would not be out of chara.
Thank you, as always. Thanks to Aoi-san (this one is for you!) and her friends for the tips and inspiration (and for those songs), thanks to Phoenix, even if she couldn't left her review here (thankyouthankyou very much, I appreciate your mail (I had to answer you) and I hope hearing more from you!), thanks to Ana Hibiki-sama, please don't be mad at Youji-kun (he is suffering too!), hope you enjoy Kenken here. And for you all that keep still reading. Thank you all!
