Gara's rambling (as usual): Hi, do you remember me? ^^;; Long time no see, ne? Man, this had been hard. Not only because I had problems with my computer (silly thing), and work, and exams, but also for the story. Hard is not the word. It's ultra-hard. Woa! It's getting difficult for sure. I hope you like it... because I'm not sure at all.
About the fic: Yaoi (well... still shonen ai), YoKen pairing. I don't own Weiß Kreuz (in that case, I would never had developed Glühen, truly _).
SILENCE
Chapter 7
By Gara
I closed the door behind me and immediately I leaned my back against the wood. Maybe I was looking for the cold on my skin to calm me down. Maybe I was just looking for the support I needed. I ended on the floor, anyway. My back sliced and I sit down, my legs bending until I could rest my arms on them. I ran a hand through my hair slowly. A shaking hand. I stared at them, both were trembling. Kudou Youji was shaking. What a joke. I brought them to my face.
Big mistake, because I could still smell him on them. And, of course, he didn't stink at all. His sweet and fresh scent was on my own skin, like a memory of everything that had happened on the corridor. Like a torture. When he hugged me and I...
I nearly...
God.
I had forgotten for a moment the kind of person he was. Even if I didn't expect that gesture, he did it. He did it because it was what he felt. He was not the kind of person that thought very much what he was going to do. He always did what his heart told him was right. It was his heart, his big and caring heart, the one which guided his actions, no matter what it was about. He was impulsive and he did what he felt like.
And so he did.
When I felt him so thigh against me, when I sensed his warm body, his breath through my clothes and his arms rounding my waist... I stopped thinking. I stopped breathing. I also thought my heart stopped beating. My entire world had turned to feelings. Sensations.
Warm. Tenderness. Sweetness. Safety.
Love.
And fear.
Above all, fear. His gesture screamed love. It was far more than a friendly hug. The way he embraced me, the way he leaned his body on mine... it all showed a love so deep that it scared me. He had fallen for me, hard, in such a way he woke in me the guilt. I had failed him; I could not protect him from me. If I continued like that, I would drag him with me in my darkness and I would break him. I couldn't do that. I still had an opportunity, however. I could freak out, yell him and pretend to be upset. That was what I was going to do, in a last attempt to push him off from me.
But my own body betrayed me and I found my hands above his, squeezing gently, giving up a little, like a small surrender. Truth was I was enjoying the feeling to be hugged by him, the wonderful person I was in love with. I knew it was a mistake, a very big one. I knew I was only making things worse, I knew I couldn't allow myself to surrender like that, but... even if I knew, I couldn't help it.
Because I loved him.
The world disappeared, it was only Ken and the feelings he was waking up on me. It was so marvellous I only wanted to turn around and hug him back. I wanted to grab my arms all around him, I wanted him to rest his head on my shoulder, I wanted to caress his hair gently, running my fingers on it, I wanted him to feel the same warm, I wanted to hear him sighing again and feel his breath against my skin.
And I also wanted him to feel the same safety I felt on his arms. But I knew he would never be safe on my arms, nor near me. As much as I loved him, I knew I shouldn't give up. Because I was not playing alone, it was Ken who I was talking about. Ken, his life and his heart. I wanted to be worth of him, but I knew I was not, so I forced myself to say something stupid and to escape from an embrace that resumed all that was good in this world for me. I didn't deserve such thing.
He was confused; I saw it on his eyes. And he was more confused when I caressed his hair. Truth was, I was confused, too. What a joke. To have the person you love so close to you and could not do anything about it. Sure God had a big sense of humour, even if I didn't see the joke. The only thing I saw was that beautiful, beloved, face and those dark, deep eyes of his. The only thing I wanted was kissing him and telling him everything.
See? I was losing. So, I escaped.
I retreated to my bedroom where the darkness would surround me, where the silence and the loneliness would calm me down and make me think correctly. Where all those things would allow me to put myself together and to take again the resolution I took long ago: not telling Ken I loved him. To hide to him I loved him, I adored him. To protect him from me, from the pain I could cause him, from the hell I brought to others. But I was never alone, even in my bedroom, I was with me, and I'm my worst enemy. My thoughts, my feelings, my past, my guilt... Myself.
His scent on my skin...
Maybe it was me who needed a shower, after all. Although as much as I washed myself I couldn't forget that scent. It was more in my mind than in my nose. No. What I needed was a drink, a strong one to escape far away from there. From myself, better. I felt the sudden need to get drunk. Maybe that way I could sleep without dreams, without seeing Ken or worse... without seeing her and felt again the guilt for betraying him.
It had worked before. The trick was being drunk or looking for a warm body to sleep with. The second chance was out of consideration, so I still had the first one. As I said, it had worked before.
I was such a coward...
I rose on my feet and walked towards my desk. I had always something to drink there, although I didn't remember right then what I had hidden last time, when I found Maki's corpse. Since then I had not felt the need for a drink, the same I had not felt he need for going clubbing or something like that. But right then I needed a drink and a cigarette, and I looked for them.
"Mission: complete."
Vodka. It was vodka, and cheap, it seemed. I didn't care. I took the bottle and approached to the window, which I opened wide. Cold breeze greeted me and I was thankful because I needed it. I need the cold on my skin, the quiet of the night outside, to help me and clean my mind enough to keep me in my resolution. Or, at least, I wanted it until my mind was so dizzy by the alcohol I only wanted to go to bed.
Like the coward I was I took a long swig directly from the bottle and then I lighted a cigarette. I looked at my hands. A bottle of vodka. A cigarette. I smiled bitterly. I just couldn't understand how a person like Ken could love me. I had all the bad points he hadn't.
What had he seen in me?
"You're blind, Ken" I murmured to the cold air, breathing out nothing but white smoke.
And maybe it was my fault. Not only I had failed him being incapable to protect him from me, but I also had dragged him with me. I had attracted him to me. I had showed him a face, a side of mine, which I knew it was very difficult to resist. I had not done it on purpose, but the result had been the same. It had been to cheer Omi up.
To lighten Omi I had made all that was at my hand. I had been funny, imaginative and... plain silly. I had said many stupid things, I had joked wherever I found the chance, and they both had laughed with me; even Aya had smiled. I was proud of it, because I had succeeded in making Omi smile again. But I had not realized until the end that Ken was looking... no, not looking... He was staring at me, he was listening to me, he was attentive at my very movements. It was clear he was being attracted to me... and the worse thing was I couldn't stop behaving like that, because I was doing it for Omi. And I was enjoying as well... I was like the old me, like the kid I was once, without troubles, the kid that could enjoy a single evening with his friends, his current family. Ken said it was nothing wrong in being a kid sometimes, and I had agreed with him.
At the end, it proved to be a mistake. I should have stopped then. I know that I'm sometimes like a magnet. I'm not showing off, because it's true. I'm magnetic, I'm charismatic, and I had always been, even when a kid. Nothing to complain for, because it had served me in the past, to gather information, for example. It's a gift... and a burden, because it sometimes backfires to me and I end attracting people even if I'm not aware of it. It happened with Ken. Even if I didn't want him to be near me, I had behaved in a way that had attracted him to me. Truly, I didn't want it, because it was dangerous for him. I didn't want it...
Did I?
Maybe it was my subconscious, playing tricks on me. I just didn't know. I took another long, very long sip from the bottle and ran a hand through my hair.
I just... didn't know.
Maybe Ken only knew one of my faces. He knew the funny Youji. The Youji that was always joking, smiling and teasing, the Youji he had seen that night, the Youji he had embraced tightly that night. He didn't know the jerk Youji, the drunken Youji, the coward, the bastard, the selfish, the...
"The real Youji" I said to the night, taking a long sip. "The real me."
That was what I wanted to believe. That was I was trying to convince myself: the reason Ken loved me was he didn't know the real me.
Believe me or not, I'm a good liar. I can convince anyone the sun travels from south to north and keep smiling all the time, that is who I am. I'm able of it, call it another gift. But the truth was that it had always been difficult to lie myself. Sometimes I succeed, but not this time. Because Ken had seen me in my job, he had seen the kind of murderer I am, the way I kill... and the way I try to bear it all. He had seen me after the missions, the same I had seen him. If someone could understand me, it was someone of my comrades.
Someone like Ken.
Maybe Ken...
Maybe...
"Try it, Kudou, and you'll break him" I told myself bitterly, taking another long sip from the bottle.
Funny. The bottle wasn't as heavy as before, and I was starting to feel warm, even with the cold of the night entering through the opened window. It was working, it seemed. I was getting drunk... only with a pizza in my stomach, and it had been digested long ago; the alcohol was spreading really quickly through my body. And it would be quicker, because I was determined to finish the bottle. I took another sip.
It was better if I kept thinking Ken didn't know me enough. Yes, it was a good thought. He loved me because he didn't know the real me. That was fine. The only thing I had to do, then, was showing him the real Youji, and everything would be fine. He would discover the kind of person I was and he would run away from me...
He would run away from me.
Was that what I really wanted? To have Ken far apart from me? Before I loved him, he was my friend. I needed his friendship the same I needed the air I breathed. I needed him. I didn't want to be far from him...
"Who cares?" I tried to convince myself and, for that, I took another swig from the bottle. Long, very long. I drank it as the transparent liquid was really water. I was used to the unpleasant heat on my throat. "I don't care. I'll push him off. I don't care anymore."
No, I didn't care... not for me. I needed his presence, true, but I also needed his happiness and, for that, I should push him off. I didn't mind my heart anymore, I didn't mind my feelings, I didn't mind anything about me. It was the time to stop being selfish. I should save Ken from me, and there was only one way. I should show my real face to him.
"Just wait, Kenken... Let's see how much you love me... " I said after the last sip. The bottle was empty... "Just wait..."
The bottle in my hand was empty... and I felt envy. I wish I could be like it. Empty. I wish I could be empty, too... The bottle sliced from my hand to the floor, where it broke in the carpet. It wasn't loud, it didn't wake any of my comrades, they were sleep long ago. But it broke, anyway. I wish I could be empty, as the bottle... and like the bottle I was.
Broken.
I let myself fall in my bed... and sleep finally came to me while I was crying.
But, as much as I desired an endless night which could swallow me and my guilt without leaving any trace of me, the daylight always comes. The sun always rises on the horizon, bringing light and life. To the world, to the city, to the people... bringing light even to me, although I sometimes feel like dying inside. Sometimes I hate the light.
It hurts.
That day was one of them. Although I had slept without dreams for once, thanks to the alcohol, I didn't feel refreshed. I had not rested and the pain in my head, the result of my dear vodka, wasn't helping. Remember: never drink with an empty stomach if you didn't want to wake with the big need to throw up. Lucky I was, I had nothing left in to leave in the bathroom, so I only felt the world was dancing all around me and my head was having the worst headache in years. I needed an aspirin or two... maybe three. I needed water to my dry mouth. I needed the world to stop going round and round like crazy... or was it my head? Never mind. But, before that, I needed to rise from my own bed. And that was not an easy task to ask, considering the fact that even the light through my closed eyes hurt. I didn't dare to open them, knowing perfectly that I had left the window totally open before falling asleep.
"... stupid Kudou..." I murmured to myself, feeling my tongue like scourer. "... disgusting..."
I succeed in lifting my arm to my eyes and protect them from the light. Then, I rose in a simple motion, sitting on the edge of the bed. And the world seemed to quicken its stupid dance, only to annoy me. I was really happy I had nothing to throw up, because I was really, really feeling like it.
"... Yamero..." I said, to whatever being that was making the world going around me.
Slowly, very slowly, it ended and I could open my eyes a little bit. Light hurt, even if the window was on my back. I looked quickly for my sun glasses, cursing when I remembered I left my favourites on the car last night. But I was a man with many sources, and I found another pair on my bed table, which I put on quickly.
"Ah... yokatta..."
According to the bright green numbers on my alarm clock, it was eight o'clock in the morning. Not bad for me, only eight o'clock. I was only thirty minutes late at work. A record. Strangely, nobody had come upstairs to wake me up, I was supposed to have morning shift and I should open the door. Or maybe they had come, and I hadn't heard them. Anyway, I didn't mind. I was not feeling like I was in a hurry, so I take it slowly.
I finally rose from my bed with the simply intention of going to the bath and take my time on having a good and slow shower. I didn't mind if Aya or anyone got angry. I didn't mind anything. And I really didn't, but when I managed to go to the door and open it, heading to the bathroom, I was surprised with a loud sound from downstairs.
Broken crystal. A cry. Bangs. Thuds. Another cry.
I didn't know exactly what went through me on that moment, because my mind was clouded and I wasn't feeling in my best day, but it was something like a red alarm. Government was looking for us, for Weiß, from several days, even if we were somewhat innocent this time; we were in danger... what if they had found us? What if they had broken in the shop? What if they were attacking us? What if...
Omittchi... Aya...
Ken.
The pain on my head was quickly forgotten, my only desire was my legs could be faster when I ran downstairs, leaping the four of five last steps. Once I reached the first floor, I rushed to the kitchen, where we had the back door which connected to the shop, all the time praying because I didn't want the images on my head to become reality.
" KEN!! Omittchi?!" I asked, almost screaming when I opened the door. "A... a... Are?"
I must have looked like an idiot, or something. I had almost knocked the door over and the sight that greeted me was Omi's big blue eyes focused on me, full opened. The kitchen was quiet, all too quiet; everything on its right place, the television was on, the table set. And then my head, like the traitor it is, started to ache, reminding me my bad shape. I put my hand on my temples, which had started to beat madly.
"Itte..."
"Youji-kun?" I heard Omi was saying. The kid was grabbing a broom with both hands. I had surprised him so bad that his knuckles were almost white. "Da... daijobu desu ka?"
"Aa" I managed to say, letting myself to fall in the nearest chair.
"You look like crap."
This time it was Ken's voice the one I heard. I tensed, realizing just there I had slept with the same clothes I wore last night, I hadn't taken that shower, I hadn't even brushed my hair. I had a big, really big hangover and I had only a pair of sunglasses to cover it, which was obviously insufficient. I surely looked like crap, as Ken had said. And he sounded dry, somewhat upset. Was he mad at me for what I told him last night? I had to remind myself I didn't mind. It should not mind to me.
So, who cared?
"Morning to you, too" I said bitterly. I didn't give him the chance to answer me. I raised my head and looked the two of them. "What happened here? I heard a loud thud and I thought..."
"Well..." started Omi. "You know, Youji-kun, we were..."
"It was my fault. I... what I saw..." continued Ken, looking to one side and blushing lightly. "I exploded."
"Exploded?" I repeated, looking at Ken.
Yes, I reminded myself that I should not care why he was not looking at me, but I didn't succeed completely. Was he really mad at me? Did I lose him yet? I should be happy, right? It would be easier that way, because then I hadn't to push him from me. He was already far. But... why did the mere thought of it hurt so much?
"That" said Ken, pointing to the TV with his head, frowning deeply.
I knew why he had exploded when I followed his head and looked at the television. I consciously ignored the tiny relief I felt when I understood Ken wasn't mad at me, but at the news he had seen on the screen. That relief was suppressed and replaced with something I couldn't define clearly. It was a mixture of incredulity, uncertainty, disgust, sorrow and anger. The screen showed images of the latest crime of those that called themselves Weiß, that was, those who had stolen our identities. This time, the attempt had been big and simply cruel. They had placed a bomb in a crowed part of the city and had detuned it, killing a lot of people on the way. I saw nothing more than fire and smoke on the screen, but the sweet voice on off was telling the whole story, was counting the victims, the injured, the loss. And, which every number, my need to throw up grew. Luckily, I had nothing left in my stomach, but the taste in my mouth was bitter.
"Ma... masaka..." I said. I was lost of words, maybe for first time in my life. But it was unbelievable.
How many people they had killed and why? How many innocents had died that morning? I could understand why Ken had exploded, as he said, when he saw that. I was almost going to, and I was far less impulsive than he was. Having the big heart he had, having the strong sense of justice he had, the strange thing was he hadn't taken his bike and rode to look for those fake Weiß. Being the good person, the lovely person he was, he couldn't stand it, he couldn't understand it. None of us could, Ken the less. He was too good to understand it.
"Doushite?" asked Omi in a low voice, and I heard a sharp pain breath when the screen showed what seemed to be the head of a teddy bear. It was Ken pained breath, clearly. It was another blow to him, the realization that kids were implied, too, that kids were suffering, too. The most innocent beings of all, implied in a war without meaning.
"Turn it off" said Ken, closing his eyes hard and fisting his hands harder. "TURN IT OFF, DAMN IT!!"
Omi did it quickly, looking pale and sad. I only stared at Ken.
His features showed the anger and despair he felt. He punched the fridge, hard, looking for release of those feelings, sensing that he was going to explode again. His bangs covered his eyes, but I could see the spark, the trace of tears on them. And, even if he was angered, even if he was sad, even if he didn't know what to do... He was beautiful. Not only in in body, but in mind and soul. Because all that he was feeling was for all those victims, not for him, not for any of us. All that he was feeling showed the purity of his soul, even if he was a killer himself. There was a difference between those Weiß and us.
The difference was called justice.
"Omi, please, contact Persia." I said. My voice sounded calm, it didn't show the anger I felt towards the terrorist. Omi looked at me and nodded, his face very serious. "I think it's time to hunt those black beast." I added in a mere whisper, before the kid stood up and left the kitchen.
And when Ken, with his eyes still bright with unspilled tears, looked up and smiled somewhat shyly at me, I tried to convince myself I was doing it for the victims, for justice, and not because I wanted Ken to smile again and be alive.
"Youji, I..." started Ken, looking at me.
I didn't dare to think about it. I didn't dare to think about my reasons. I shouldn't.
"You should clean this mess, Ken" I cut him, without thinking twice.
I quickly followed Omi example and stood up before Ken could add anything more. My head still ached, but I forced myself to go. I was determined to flee from there for only one reason: I had seen gratitude on Ken's bright chocolate eyes, and that was really dangerous. For both of us, I should keep the resolution I took the previous night.
I should keep him away from me. No matter the cost.
At first, he seemed taken off guard, maybe for the tone I used, but he took a quick look around him and understood what I was saying. He blushed lightly, just like he always did when he discovers he had done anything wrong, and then he nodded and took the broom again, ready to clean the kitchen. He had threw his favourite mug, a big blue one, against a wall, where it broke to pieces... spilling the milk and the pieces on the floor.
"Clumsy Ken, ne?" he asked in a whisper.
My heart ached. I wanted to say him he should be proud to be that clumsy if it meant he cared for the welfare of others. I wanted to say him that being that clumsy was one of the things that made him so special. I wanted to say so many things...
"I'm going to take a shower" I said, instead.
I never gave him the chance to say anything; I simply retreated to the first floor, to the safety of the bath, and took that damned shower. The more I thought about throwing him apart, the more it ached. The mere sight of Ken made me wonder if I was really sure I wanted to be far from him. I was letting my heart to take control over me again, when it should be my mind, a cold mind, the one to guide my actions. I should stop thinking about Ken. I should think about the mission.
The mission and only that.
I had never felt so lucky when Omi called us to the mission room. Persia hadn't taken long to answer the kid, he seemed to be as worried and affected as us about the whole thing. We had a mission, we had been summoned again to hunt the black beast that were threatening innocent people, and we were more than pleased to accept the quest, the recent images of the TV on our head... and hearts. That was the only thing we should thing about.
Omi had always worked fast. He had already located a potential new objective for our enemies, calculating the last attacks and the lack of fuel of the stolen helicopter. It was a landfill in the sea, an abandoned structure used as tip, or something like that, for the Tokyo Sanitary Department. For me, and judging his characteristics, it was obviously a trap. It was a bait, the second one. First had been the bomb on a crowed place.
"Definitely, a trap" I pointed out. It all reeked of it. No one of my comrades discussed it.
"What do we do?" asked Omi.
"Let's start the mission" said Ken, and he didn't think it twice.
Of course he didn't think it twice. Even if it was a bait, even if it was a trap, for Ken was far more important that he was closer to our enemies; the trap was settled by them, so we had a chance to see them, to discover something about them and, of course, to avenge the victims. Knowing Ken the way I knew him, it was obvious he was not going to think it very much. It was the way he was.
"By the way... where did Aya go?" I asked, in a last attempt to stop thinking about Ken.
"Aya-kun is... not coming back" answered Omi in a low voice. Although both Ken and I turned to look our younger team-mate, neither of us asked him why he had said that. We saw in Omi's eyes something had happened; the kid looked sad and worried.
"Sou ka..." said Ken.
"Maaa..." I followed. "So, it's going to be like the old times, only the three of us" I added on my best lazy tone.
But I didn't feel that way. I knew Aya was de independent type; it was not the first time he had chosen his path without talking to us. I knew our leader was going after Takatori's head, and I knew his motivations were strong. I could even understand him, now that we knew for sure were that big bastard was hiding. But it surprised me. I had thought that something had changed after the previous night. After what he had said to Omi, after he had spent the evening with us... I thought something had changed. I thought Aya would end putting the group before his own motivations. Aya proved me wrong.
But, who in the Hell was I to judge? Wasn't I far more selfish than him?
"Fine for me" I ended, lighting up a cigarette.
"Gomen" said Omi, still in a low voice. "I think it's my fault..."
"Don't think too hard, bishounen" I told him. He looked at me at the nickname, but this time he didn't patronize me. "There is not point."
"Let's go, Omi" said Ken, simply.
We waited until the sun disappeared from the sky, and then we started our mission. As we expected, we didn't find any obstacle when we tried to reach our objective. Nobody tried to stop us; we easily surpassed the fence that wasn't even electrified. Since we knew we were running to a trap, we were ready for the worst thing... But the worst thing was far beyond our imagination. It was an entire army what awaited us in the tip, all prepared to get us. I saw them the first, because they focused powerful lights to us to blind us.
"Drop your weapons, Weiß" sounded a rough voice, amplified with a megaphone.
"So, it was a trap" said Ken by my side, as a matter of fact.
Since I was wearing my shades I was the first to notice we were completely surrounded by a lot of men, all of them wearing weapons; I also distinguished three helicopters on his side, very well equipped. It took us by surprise. We knew Takatori was a powerful man, but we were expected to battle against those minions of his, the people who killed Ouka, the Irish, the American and the German guys. They proved us wrong, very wrong. Since when had Takatori Reiji gathered so much power? Did he control the whole Japanese Army? Was he going to use the Army to get only three people? It was so absurd we didn't even think of it.
Our big mistake.
They had surprised us, but they weren't going to catch us so easily. Taking advantage of the fact they were waiting us to surrender, we did exactly the opposite. This time we took them out of guard, and we could run away trying to find a safer place were we can plan our next step. Anyway, I knew it was only a matter of time. They would catch up soon.
"Chikusho! There is too many of them!" cried Ken, while we were still running. "If Aya were here at least..."
"Don't depend on a drop-out" I snorted. Aya was not there, we should concentrate in ourselves and our abilities to survive. "Right now Weiß is only us!"
"There!!" shouted Omi, pointing to a large pile of metal garbage. "We could cover there!"
We ran towards the place, looking for coverage behind the metal. The soldiers were very close, and we could hear those damn helicopters flying. Omi was the first to reach the place, followed by Ken. But, when he was leaping to access our hiding place a bang sounded and he shouted in pain, grabbing his leg immediately.
"KEN!" I cried, pushing him to the floor and hiding him from the snipers. I felt my heart leaping on my chest when I saw dark red blood on his hands and his trousers. "Ma... saka..."
Ken had been shot.
"Ken-kun!" shouted Omi, trying to have a look on the wound.
He had been shot.
"Shit!" said Ken. "Damn it!"
I looked alternatively to his face and his leg. Omi quickly took care of him. The kid was good at it, he had very much experience. Meanwhile I... I didn't know what I felt. I didn't know what to do. He was bleeding; he was gritting his teeth due to the pain. I should be looking for our enemies, to control where they were and what they were doing, but I couldn't. Ken was staring at Omi as the kid bandaged his leg as fast as he could to contain the haemorrhage, and he seemed to be in pain. I couldn't resist and I took his face on my hands, to see his eyes, to see if he was all right despite the blood and the pain. He raised his chin when I obliged him to, and opened his eyes wide, in surprise.
"Daijobu desu ka?!" I asked, my voice worrier than I pretended it to be.
"It hurt" he answered, with a soft pink flush on his cheeks. "But I'm..."
"It will be fine, Ken-kun" said Omi, raising his head with a relieved face. "The bullet did not hit you fully; it's a deep scratch, although it seems to bleed a lot. I bandaged it, you should be able to move..."
"... yokatta..." I breathed.
"Don't worry, Youji" Ken said with a smile. Just then I realized what was I doing and I retreated from him, pretending I returned my attention to our enemies. "What are they doing?" asked my comrade, taking a look.
"They are coming" I informed.
"Damn it, they are so many... Isn't there something we could do?" he wanted to now, gritting his teeth again, this time in anger.
But it seemed there wasn't. The army was gathering around us, with the jeeps, the guns, and all the things. The helicopters soon reunited with its allies. This time we were surrounded by sure. They could kill us as they pleased... if they had the opportunity. I looked at my partners. They looked worried, but not scared. They were looking for a solution of the situation, but they weren't to flee from. They were so great... so great...
"Yare, yare..." I said, in my lazy tone, to distract them from the fact I was adjusting the wire in my clock. "Our time it's going to run in a place like this..."
Ken frowned at me.
"I'm not giving up until the very end!!" he snorted.
And he spoke with so much passion, with so much determination on his tone that he just seemed a giant before me. He was valiant, no doubt of it. He wasn't going to surrender easily. And he had not, as much as I could give him time. Neither he nor Omi would die that night. Not if Kudou Youji had something to say.
"Violently snorting your last breath" I answered him, more to annoy him and make him angry with me, because I didn't want them to look what I was doing with my wire. I didn't want them to know what I was planning to do next.
"Here they come!" Omi shouted.
And I find my opportunity. As soon as the soldier moved towards us, I threw the wire to the first soldier I found and I launched myself to the battle.
"We are not going to die quietly!!"
"Youji!" I heard Ken crying.
"Ken-kun! Don't go!" shouted Omi. "We must divide!!"
Good boy, Omi, very good. He had understood me. We should be apart of each other so that the soldiers had to divide to catch us all. Besides, if we fight close to them, they couldn't use their weapons if they didn't want to shoot their companions... and that was a problem we didn't have. That was why the helicopters couldn't shoot, too. They were risking their own men and, as we were apart, I was sure I couldn't hit Omi or Ken with my wire, so I used it at full. Soon I had attracted so many attentions to me that even one of the helicopters was flying up my head.
It was all right. Leave the kids and go for the big one.
My plan had worked, half of the army were occupied with me, and so my companions could flee easily. I was going to smile when I heard a loud bang followed immediately by a cry. Ken had shouted Omi's name and, when I turn around, I saw our younger mate falling to the ground. He had been shoot and it seemed serious because the kid had disappeared from our views and didn't return. I felt a cold shiver down my spine. Omi didn't stand up.
"OMI!!" cried Ken again.
Still feeling like somebody had grabbed my heart in my chest, I acted quickly. It is said that fear gives wings to men, and I could say it's true, or it was in that moment, because next thing I remember is I had used my wire to get ride of some soldiers that were on my way to take a jeep. What happened with the men, I didn't know. I didn't even care. The only thing I knew was Omi was in danger, that the bishonen, our kid, had been shot and he needed help.
I jump on the jeep and started the engine, which answered quickly and surely. I drove with a hand in the steering wheel as the other was occupied looking for a cigarette on my pocket. I was nervous and that was one of my ways to deal with it. Again, a muddy climax. Things wasn't going well at all, we had no luck. Omi was wounded somewhere and Ken... I didn't even dare to think about Ken, if I wanted to keep the little sense I had. It could be so easy to give up... It could be so easy... No more pain, no more problems, no more mistakes. No more suffering.
"If I leave now it will be a real scum" I mutter, the cigarette, which I had not lighted, hanging on my mouth.
No more Omi. No more Aya, also. No more Ken.
No more Ken.
"Losing you was enough, Asuka..."
Losing them would be Hell.
Losing him… I shook my head.
They had seen me near the very bottom. When we meet, I had lose Asuka and I had been nearly forced to join Weiß; you could say I was not in my best moment. In fact, all that I wanted was to die, but I'm a coward, you know. That was why I joined Weiß at first, in my desire that, one night, in a mission, somebody would kill me. But it didn't happen, because Omi and Ken cared for me, for which I was very upset.
They didn't mind. They waited. They forgave my behaviour towards them, and I could be a real pain in the ass if I want. They coped with me, they lived with my way of life, with my constants hangover everyday... but they waited for me. At first, I didn't understand why, but I've always been the receptive type, and I understood that they had passed through it too in the past, and they knew what I was feeling, or something like that.
So, they kept still.
They silently offered me a place to stay, a house to return. They offered me a place to call home, and also they gave me their friendship. And, with that, they raised me up little by little, the healed me. They gave me somebody to care for again, to live for again, now that my live had no sense without Asuka, now that my live wasn't worth of living. Omi wasn't the only one that considered the group as his family. It was mine, too. I had found in them friendship, and love. Even if I wasn't worth of it, they had given me all of these. Friends to care for and even a man to love with all my heart and my soul.
If I started to live again, I did it for them.
I still did.
And I was not letting them die on me, not if I could do something about it.
"One lose was enough!" I cried, feeling the tears on my eyes. But I didn't let them fall at all. I was not going to cry because there was nobody to cry for. And it would be nobody.
I drove the car towards the place were I had seen Omi last time, which was also the place where the whole army was moving, as they could catch our companion easily. I didn't care. My only idea was rescuing my friend from there, and then took Ken and run away from there under their very noses... But it was easier saying it than doing.
I didn't know where the shoots came from. They didn't hit me, so I think I should consider myself very lucky, but one bullet shattered the windscreen while another burst one of the front wheels. It was instantaneous, without the wheel the car went round and round. I tried to keep it under control, but I couldn't and it collided against a pile of metal beams at the end. The crash was strong, but the worse was yet to come, because all the beams managed to fall on top of me.
The events that followed my collision are not very clear, as if I was watching the whole thing through a cloud, a very thick one. I remember the crash, the beams, the pain and the darkness that welcomed me, but I also remember a loud sound, an explosion of light that obliged me to open my eyes, only to see a ball of fire in the sky. One of the helicopters had exploded in the air. I didn't know why, but somewhere inside me my mind told me that it was a good thing for us. I could feel the heat of the explosion on my skin, I could hear the shock between the soldiers and I could also hear a very familiar voice shouting at the top of his lungs. The voice rose clearly between the shots and the noises of battle.
"Don't underestimate the reflexes of a former goalkeeper!!"
Ken.
It was Ken, his voice never so welcomed in my ears. He was alive and he was fighting, as he told me he was going to do, until the very end. I didn't know from where he came, but soon I felt a thud in the front of the car. When I opened again my eyes I met the brown ones I knew all too well. He was squatting in front of me, and he was...
He was smiling.
He was smiling the most beautiful smile I had never seen. I didn't know where it came from, but, even between the shadows, in that moment of despair and danger, he was smiling. For a moment I knew what the angels looked like. He looked sure, powerful, and full of hope. He looked beautiful. He would be my anchor to believe we could go out from all that mess.
Damn it... It was impossible not to love him.
"Time to switch players" he said, looking at me. I understand and I sliced out from the pilot site, which he occupied quickly. He started the engine and drove backwards. "I'm going to save Omi" he told me.
"Maaa... I just happened to be on the way" I quickly answered, after adjusting my glasses again to my nose. He smiled at me briefly, and then he turned serious again.
"We are going in together!" he cried.
Ken concentrated on the drive and I tried to light a cigarette, although my lighter didn't work at all. I gave up and stood by Ken side, with the cigarette on my lips. I didn't care. I felt my mood was rising, I even tried to joke with him... and the reason was merely he was by my side. I didn't know if we were going to die, but I didn't mind to die with him. We had come there to avenge the deaths and injuries of innocent people. We were right this time; if we dead, it would be for justice. Of course we were going to do everything we could to keep alive but, if the death was the end that waited for us, I would be happy if the last thing I saw was Ken's beautiful face.
"I think this is hopeless." I looked at him, who was smiling lightly. "Even in the time with Kase... even now..." He seemed to be talking to himself, more that speaking to me. "What the heck... If it wasn't troublesome, we won't be in Weiß, ne?" I almost laughed. It seemed I wasn't the only one to feel the urge to joke to bear the tension. "Youji, I… I…"
I reacted quickly and I put my own cigarette on his mouth, to prevent him to say anything. He looked at me puzzled, but I only smiled. I didn't want to hear the words that were on my own heart. I didn't want to hear them in a place like that. That kind of situation always made saying things too fast… and the best for him was keeping quiet.
"Remind me to teach you some great pick-up lines in the future" I told him, with a wink. He closed and opened his eyes twice, and then he smiled lightly.
Of course, there would be a future, and we were going to fight for it. On the back of the car was a machine gun that I took to open us the way to Omi. Ken drove like crazy and I shoot everything that moved in the front of the jeep. They answered us with their guns and missiles, but Ken easily dodged them. He was a good driver. Maybe next time I would let him Seven...
"No!" we heard. "Don't come! Run! Run away!"
"Omi!" yelled Ken.
"There!" I shouted pointing to our left. Ken headed for the source of the cry.
We were so close... so close...
But everything went black in a moment. I didn't know how, I think the helicopters threw something at us and the car almost exploded. We were sent flying, each one in a different direction. I landed painfully on my back, and I fought for get on my feet, looking wildly around me. Where was Ken?
"Ken?!" I asked loudly, but no answer came. "Ken?" I asked again. My whole body ached; I wasn't feeling good at all and I felt the darkness approaching me… and the only thing I could think about was that I couldn't see Ken.
And then, just when the panic was growing inside of me at the same time I was losing the little conscience I had left, destiny came in the person of Fujimiya Aya.
I didn't know very well how he managed to defeat the whole army by himself. Maybe he had a little help from Persia and Manx, but he did. He destroyed the two remaining helicopters and, without the air forces, the rest of the army ran away quickly. You have to be very brave to face Aya and his katana, I tell you, and very much more if he was using a machine gun.
"He did it" I managed to say, between the shadows of the darkness.
Because, at the end, he had come. At the end, we were a group.
Maybe a real family.
"Youji..." Aya said, approaching to me. He helped me to sit, his presence made the darkness fade away from me, and I could concentrate again.
"You are a bit late, are you?" I told him, in a mock tone.
He didn't smile, but his features relaxed a little when he raised me to my feet and helped me to walk. We approached to Omi and Ken, the later was lying on the floor, his head on Omi's lap. My heart leapt in my chest and my pace went faster even if I couldn't walk properly. He was not moving. Omi was touching his face in a tender way, but he didn't move.
"Daijobu ka?" I heard Aya was asking, and I was glad he did even if it was in that plain tone of his. My throat was so dry for the fear I couldn't say anything.
I saw Omi raised his head and smiled a little but what attracted all my attention was that Ken had opened his eyes and was smiling at us, giving us the thumps-up. I was so relieved I felt my knees bending; Aya had to strengthen his grip on my waist to prevent me to fall to the ground. But I reacted quickly and kept still.
"See, Ken? There was one more of us with little sense" I told him, pointing to Aya.
Ken smiled broadly, and started to laugh, the sound was like music in the middle of the battlefield. Like the life itself. After all that we had been through, after all the danger and the fights, he was laughing.
I just loved him. I could die for him.
But it hurt because, even then, I knew I was not worth of him.
****
Gara, again: You never know how important is something to you until you are close to lose that something... but, knowing even that... will Youji give up and confess? Will Ken confess before him? Will those two bakas confess at the end and be happy ever after? -__-;; Will my computer let me write something before die completely? We'll see! See ya, minna!
I will apreciate you opinion, as always. R/R?
