Howdy! Please R&R etc. I don't own HP or any of the HP characters, they're JK's. If I DID own them I'd be ecstatic. I'm just trying to have fun with this and but in some things I think are funny, and I might be the only one to think them funny.but oh well. I'll leave now so you can read (and tell me what do better!) ~*BYE!!*~ love, me

Harry Potter and the House of Cool SOME SPOILERS FOR OoTP
Early on the morning of July 31st a young wizard named Harry Potter sat on his bed, snapping his fingers.
"Man, I just dig this beat!" exclaimed the now 16-year-old wizard.
"Harry- man-it's your birthday-go go -go go Harry- man- it is- the day to- commem- orate your birth" Harry continued in a syncopated rhythm.
Suddenly Dudley thundered into his room. "Where's my breakfast?" bellowed the cow, " What are you bloody singing? You sound like a madman."
"Not that you'd understand, but it happens to be a poetic beat that's going to be famous someday"
"Huh?"
"Po-e-try! Po like the telletuby, then the letter "e" and "try" like a tree"
"Oh- right- right. I know it now. What, did you think I was stupid?"
"Think, thought, will think, doesn't matter!"

Just as Dudley considered risking magical maladies and going for Harry, time froze and Harry jumped into the air in a Matrix-style fashion. Dudley crashed through the floorboards and eventually landed in the basement that's never been mentioned before.

"Wow, I guess I really am a cool cat!" Harry beamed. Suddenly Oliver Wood apparated into Harry's room so that the movie would be able to show more of the HOTTEST guy ever.

"Did ya like that Potter? I thought I'd give that tub of lard a right whipping. So, anyway, Potter, next year at Hogwarts you have to catch the Snitch! Remember that you'd make a fair beater too! Cheer for Puddlemere United. I'm gonna keep talking so you can hear my great accent. Everyone goes to the bloody stupid movies to see me anyway. Now Harry, take care and whenever possible have a flashback that includes me! Thanks!"

::Sigh:: I wish they'd make an Oliver Wood spin-off, now back to my terrible story

"That- was weird- man," Harry said in his cool new beat. "I think I'll write letters to Sirius(yes Sirius is alive now. It turns out that he was just kidding!!), Ron, and Hermione, respectively, to tell them how hip I am!"

Meanwhile, Dudley stomps around the basement looking for food for his pre- breakfast meal. He eventually figures out that they don't have any food in the basement and goes to the kitchen.

Harry's room I wonder why wizards use quills and not ballpoint pens wondered Harry.

Dear Snuffles,
How are you doing? Listen up daddio (well the closest thing to my daddio), I picked up a brand new beat!
Yours Truly,
Harry

Dear Hermione,
Did you know that before the movies came out most people didn't know how to say your name? Oh yeah! I got a brand new beat! Can you dig it?
Yours truly,
Harry

Dear Ron,
What's the hap home fry? It's your main man Harry P. and I've got a brand new beat!
Sincerely,
Harry

Soon and sure enough Harry received responses.

Dear Harry,
I am doing well thanks. I'm also excited about your beat but be extremely careful! This year could be dangerous!
Yours truly,
Snuffles

Dearest Harry,
I was not aware of the massive mispronunciation of my name! Honestly! Doesn't anyone read Hogwarts, A History?? There's a pronunciation guide to each new students name! I suppose I dig your new beat, Harry, but only if it doesn't distract you from your schoolwork. I think Ron might fancy me! We're spending the summer together, but I can't say any more about that! Ron keeps mentioning how big an oaf Krum is. He said that if a guy that size can't even fight off the Impervious Charm he's no good! I best be off and I probably shouldn't say this, but you might expect some competition in regards to your new beat!
Love and best wishes,
Hermione

Dear Harry,
I can't believe you got a new beat! I'm getting a new beat too! Only I bet yours will be more popular because I'm the lovable sidekick and that's my job! Oh well, everyone loves me anyhow. I just wanted to remind you about Oliver Wood while I'm at it! Oh and I can't tell you were I am, but I can tell you that Hermione thinks I fancy her! DON'T tell her I said this, but I might fancy her. Of course you know my taste in girls is never very good! I did fall for Fleur and I reckon she's off with Bill at Gringott's.I just knew he was after her. Best be off, mate!
Your friend,
Ron

Harry read the letters over and over until one day the Dursleys went out to enter Dudley in a Mr. Universe contest. Right, thought Harry, I reckon it's a Mr. "Who can swallow the Universe whole" contest. A few minutes after they left Harry heard a lot of poetry downstairs in the kitchen. He quietly made his way to the first floor, carefully avoiding the creaking stair.

Harry gasped in astonishment. Mad-eye Moody and Lupin, among other wizards from the OoTP were chanting poetry and snapping their fingers while sitting at the kitchen table!