Created by Trunks187

Trunks187's notes: I was always thinking about doing a Homestar Runner fic. After some thinking, I decided to parody the old xmas movie It's a Wonderful Life with Strong Bad getting rid of his emails. Enjoy the fic.

[In tune of "Let's go down to the lobby"]

Bubs: Let's all go down to, my stand! Let's all go down to, my stand! Let's all go down to, my STAND! To get ourselves a snack!

...to think this is my only line in this fic..

It's a Wonderful E-mail

Strong Bad is on his Compy, ready to start his weekly e-mail.

Strong Bad: And now...the man who put the mail back in e-mail...Strong Bad!

[strong_bads_email.exe]

Dear Strong Bad,

Why is it possible that you can type with boxing gloves on?

Strong Bad: Ok, skip this crap. Next e-mail.

Compy: NEXT!! (deleted)

DEAR STRUNG BAD

Y U NEVER TAKE OFF GLOVES 4 TYPING?!?!!1!?

Strong Bad: Yeah? Well why you never type properly? Maybe YOU need some gloves. What's next?

Dear Strong Bad,

I hate it when you type with your boxing gloves on.

Strong Bad: And I hate it when you fill my inbox with crap! I got one word for you: DELETED!

Compy: DELETED!!

Strong Bad: The next one BETTER not be about my gloves!

Dear Strong Bad,

I love everything about you. I love the way you kick The Cheat.

I love the way you pick on Strong Sad. I even love your stunning

good looks and your magnificant bod.

Strong Bad: Whoa! Strong Bad's got a winning e-mail!

So I must ask you this important question...page 2

Strong Bad: What? What is it my wonderful love?! [clicks on page 2]

How can you type with boxing...gloves...on...

Strong Bad: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Why do I always get these crappy e-mails?! Let's see the next one!

Dear S.B.

How do you type w/ gloves?

Strong Bad: LIKE THIS!

Compy: DELETED!!

Deer S.B.

Strong Bad: blah blah blah! Type w/ gloves? blah blah blah DELETED!

Compy: DELETED!!

Dear Strong Bad,

Why do you type with gloves on?

Strong Bad: HERE'S WHY! CAUSE YOU'RE DELETED YOU LITTLE-

Compy: DELETED!!

Strong Bad: I can't take this anymore! These e-mails are e-crap! My Inbox is full of nothing but how I type with these godforsaken boxing gloves! This absolutely sucks! It's over! No more weekly e-mails! EVER!

Strong Bad goes under his table and unplugs Compy.

Strong Bad: I wish I never did the weekly e-mail! ...What's on T.V.?

Strong Bad stares at his T.V. and falls asleep on the couch. Just then, the T.V. turns to fuzz.

Strong Bad: Huh? Wha...oh. Must've fell asleep. What else is on?

He clicks on the remote and nothing happens.

Strong Bad: What the crap? Oh well. I'll go play some Trogdor.

He goes to his Trogdor arcade game, only to realize it's gone.

Strong Bad: Hey! Who stole my Trogdor game?!

He runs upstairs and sees his computer is gone.

Strong Bad: Holy crap! Something's weird going on! Oh no...my Strongbadia!

Strong Bad goes to his backyard and sees Strongbadia looking different.

Strong Bad: AH! Where's my tire?! And my stop sign?! Wait, what's that sign say?

He goes to a yield sign with a piece of paper over it saying:

"Homsar Country"

Strong Bad: Homsar Country?! This can't be happening! What the crap is going on?!

???: It's simple, Strong Bad. You wished for it to happen.

Strong Bad: What the? Who said that?

A faint figure appears in front of him. It turns into the Tandy 400!

Strong Bad: Ta-ta-tandy?! What are YOU doing here?!

Tandy: I've become a computer angel now Strong Bad, but I have yet to earn my cyberwings.

Strong Bad:Well good for you! Now can you tell me why my Trogdor game and Compy are gone?! And explain what this nut is doing here!

Homsar: I'M A LYING DEMOCRAT!

Tandy: The reason why everything doesn't seem the way they are is because you wished it all away.

Strong Bad: Wished it all away? I only wished away doing the weekly e-mail away!

Tandy: Exactly. Trogdor and Compy only existed because you did the e-mail. And that's not the worst of it.

Strong Bad: It gets worse?

Tandy: Come Strong Bad. I'm going to show what life would be like if you never did the weekly e-mail.

Tandy and Strong Bad instantly disappear and they reappear at Strong Bad's school in the locker room. Next to them is Strong Sad, who is putting something in his locker.

Strong Bad: Whoa! I didn't know you can do that!

Tandy: You can do a lot of things when you die. Anyway, here we are in your school locker room-

Strong Bad: Er, hold on a second. Hey dumbface, you know what it's like to live in a locker?

Strong Sad ignores him.

Strong Bad: Hey, dumbface!

Strong Sad continues to ignore him.

Strong Bad: Hey!

Strong Bad tries to punch him in the neck, and his fist goes right through.

Strong Bad: What the crap?!

Tandy: People can not see, hear, or feel you Strong Bad.

Strong Sad: And...there! That take cares of that.

Strong Sad closes with locker and leave.

Strong Bad: Um, what did he mean by that?

Tandy: Let's find out.

Tandy magically opens the locker. Inside, a different Strong Bad is hanging by his foot on the hook.

Strong Bad: Holy crap! That's me!

Other Strong Bad: Hello? Anybody? Somebody get me down? Please? Hello?

Strong Bad: How can this happen?! No way he can do something like that to me!

Tandy: He could if he was more popular.

Strong Bad: WHAT?!

They disappear and reappear in the hallways. Strong Sad is with Strong Mad and Marzipan.

Strong Mad: Where Is DA Dork?

Strong Sad: He's "hanging" around the lockers, if you know what I mean!

Strong Mad: DA HA HA HA HA!

Marzipan: Oh Strong Sad, you're so cool. I'm glad to be your girlfriend and not Strong Bad's.

Strong Bad: Strong Sad...with Marzipan?!?! How dare he steal my love!

Tandy: She was never your love.

Strong Bad: Shut up! She had the hots for me!

Tandy: Of course. Anyway, you were only popular because of the weekly e-mails you do. But since you didn't do them, you became just a big loser, and Strong Sad became the most popular student in school.

Strong Bad: Well, that kind of makes sense. But still, I should still be WAY more popular than that weiner.

Marzipan: Say Strong Sad, have you finished your new CD yet?

Strong Sad: Oh yeah. I got this new song dedicated to Strong Bad. Ahem...

Strong Bad...he's such a dork.

An Uber-dork.

The king of dorks!

Strong Bad...he's such a loser.

A total loser.

100% loser!

We all hate him, hate him, hate him!

We hate that guy so MUCH!

Marzipan: Oh Strong Sad, you're the greatest signer who ever sang.

Strong Bad: Oh, it was bad enough he hung me in a locker, NOW he's stealing my bit! I'll get him for this!

Strong Bad jumps up and tries to tackle Strong Sad. He goes right through and lands on his face.

Strong Bad: Ow.

Strong Sad: What the?

Marzipan: Something wrong?

Strong Sad: I thought I felt Strong Bad next to me.

Strong Mad: ME TOO!

Marzipan: Oh don't be ridiculous. He's still hanging in the locker.

Strong Bad: I'm going to get my revenge on that weiner!

Tandy: Oh I don't think you'll be getting revenge dork.

Strong Bad: Did you just call me a dork?

Tandy: Come. We have more to see.

Strong Bad and Tandy are teleported outside of a church.

Strong Bad: Hey, what are we doing at a church?

Tandy: We're to see a certain someone, who's lifestyle has changed since you didn't do the e-mails.

Strong Bad: Really? Who?

Strong Bad and Tandy enter the church to see people cheering.

"And now, the little creature with the gift of god, The Nice!"

Strong Bad: The Nice? Who's The Nice?

A little yellow creature in a shiny white suit slides in from offstage.

Strong Bad: Wait a second...that's not a The Nice, that's a The Cheat! MY The Cheat!

The Cheat: Hello, Free Country!

Strong Bad: And he talks?! The Cheat can't talk!

Tandy: The Cheat can't, but The Nice can.

The Cheat: Are you ready to be healed?

"Yeah!"

The Cheat: Who, than, shall I heal first?

Coach Z: O, O! Hael me frist!

The Cheat: Why, Coach Z, what happened to your speech pattern?

Coach Z: I telya, I wap so mich one daiy, my voieice sond like thes!

The Cheat: I see. Come up here brother Z, and I shall heal thee!

Coach Z comes to the stage. The Cheat takes a few steps backwards, and headbutts Coach Z's jaw.

Coach Z: Ow! What ya do that for?! Wait a sec...I'm cured! Praise The Nice!

"Praise The Nice! Praise The Nice! Praise The Nice!"

Strong Bad: Ok Tandy, you got some explaining to do. How in the HECK did The CHEAT become The NICE?!

Tandy: Well Strong Bad, when all of your "evil" schemes failed, The Cheat was tired of doing bad things, so he ran away. He eventually found religion and learned to speak english. Now he has become The Nice.

"The Nice! The Nice! I need some healing!"

The Cheat: Well, come on up then!

The person who comes up on stage is the other Strong Bad.

The Cheat: Why, Strong Bad! You need healing?

Other Strong Bad: Oh The Cheat, you have to come back! Strong Sad and Strong Mad haven't stopped tormenting me ever since you left!

The Cheat: First of all, it's The Nice. Second of all, how do I know this is not some sort of trickery that you are trying to do?

Other Strong Bad: I'm so serious! They've been hanging me in lockers, gluing me on ceilings, and they tied me to a chair and make me watch Teletubbies for six hours straight!

Strong Bad: Oh....my god. I can not be...that big....of a loser.

The Cheat: I am sorry Strong Bad, but there's a voice within me that's saying not to trust you! Bring this forsaker off my stage!

Strong Bad: Why you betraying little circus freak!

Strong Bad runs up stage and tries to kick The Cheat. Strong Bad misses and goes flying like Charlie Brown.

Strong Bad: Good Grief, I REALLY wished I could hit people!

The Cheat: Whoa! I felt a strong wind rise from behind me! Now I know that Strong Bad is lying. Take him away.

Other Strong Bad: No, please, The Cheat, I mean The Nice, you have to help me! For the love of-

The people throw Strong Bad out of the church.

Strong Bad: What have I done? All this because I wished away the e-mails?

Tandy: There's still more to it. Tell me, Strong Bad, have you ever wondered about what happened to Homestar Runner?

Strong Bad: Homestar? What does he have to do with any of this?

Tandy: You'll see. We're off to see Homestar.

Tandy and Strong Bad disappear, and then show up at some sort of promotional gig. Thousands of reporters and cameramen are surrounding a red carpet.

Strong Bad: Whoa. Is this some sort of reward show?

A limosine pulls up as everybody tries to get close to it. The door opens as Homestar comes out. He has sunglasses on, and is carrying a bottle of water.

"Homestar Homestar! Over here please!"

Homestar: Please, no questions. I'm a very busy man.

"We just want to know about your new commercial-"

Homestar: Look, if you want answers, contact my agents The Chapman Bros., got it? Good. Now get out of my face.

Strong Bad: Holy crap! When did he become so rich and famous?!

Tandy: Since his website made 500,000 hits a day.

Strong Bad: Ok, Tandy, how is that possible? The only way he can even get 100,000 hits is with my e-mail!

Tandy: Maybe, but he got to have a lot more toons since you never DID the e-mails! Common sense Strong Bad.

Strong Bad: I'll show you common sense!

Strong Bad tries to punch Tandy, and falls on his face.

Tandy: Why do you keep forgetting? Now, let us enter the studio.

In the studio:

Homestar: Oh Hello. I'm Homestar Runner. I got the world's best acting skills. Now, I got the world's best cereal with Homestarios!

"Homestarios! Crunchy fruit flavored candy filled with tiny chocolate Fluffypuff Marshmellows in the shapes of Homestar Runner!"

Homestar: Homestarios is not part of a complete breakfast. It IS the complete breakfast!

"Homestarios! Kid tested, Homestar approved!"

Strong Bad: Homestarios? What kind of name is that?

Tandy: [eating Homestarios] I think it's a good name. Want some?

Strong Bad: Where'd you get that box?

Homestar: Ok, that's a wrap. Somebody get me my cell.

Homestar gets his cell and calls up someone.

Strong Sad: Hello?

Homestar: Strong Sad, it's me, Homestar.

Strong Sad: Oh what's up Homestar?

Homestar: Finished my cereal promotion. You?

Strong Sad: Oh, we're just gluing Strong Bad to the ceiling is all.

Other Strong Bad: Guys, whatever you do, PLEASE don't turn on the fan!

Strong Sad: You heard him Strong Mad!

Strong Mad turns the fan on.

Other Strong Bad: Ow my head!

Homestar: Oh man, that sure sounds like Strong Bad! So anyway, Sad, I was wondering if you'd like to do a favor for me.

Strong Sad: Like what?

Homestar: See, I got this new blockbuster movie coming out, but it's got no official theme song. You think you can come up with one?

Strong Sad: Me? Homestar, you work in freaking Hollywood!

Homestar: Strong Sad, I'm gonna be honest. Most singers I see today suck! I mean, I can't turn around without seeing a pop rock clone band or ridiculous rappers who make Coach Z look like Dr.Dre!

Strong Sad: Well, I'll see what I can do.

Homestar: Excellent then. That is all. [hangs up]

Strong Bad: Whoa, I've never seen Homestar talk like this.

"Excuse me, Homestar? N.T. View of MTV! Can I get a word with you?

Homestar: Here's five: Go get me some water!

N.T.View: Heh heh, you're a joker Homestar.

Homestar: That's Mr.Runner to you, View.

N.T.View: Of course. So, Mr.Runner, tell us how it feels to be the #1 popular male actor among teenage girls.

Homestar: Come on! Have you seen these other actors? They don't even act! They just stand around while a bunch of goofy special effects are done everywhere! That isn't acting. That's crap.

N.T.View: Tell us, what was like in your early years?

Homestar: Well, back when I just had a website, I didn't think I could've gotten where I am. But the guys I worked with, it was all possible. In fact, I'd like to take this time to thank the following people. Strong Sad, Strong Mad, Marzipan, Kingy, Coach, Bubs, The Cheat or Nice or whatever he calls himself nowadays...you guys are so cool. But you know what? It feels like I forgot someone...someone very unimportant...

Strong Bad: I can't take this anymore!

Strong Bad goes right up to him.

Strong Bad: Listen to me you armless freak of nature! The reason you became so great was because of me! ME! Strong Bad! STRONG BAD!!!

Homestar: Um...I guess it doesn't matter.

Strong Bad: AAAAH!!

Strong Bad tries to repeatedly punch Homestar in the face, but he keeps missing, no matter how many times he tries.

Homestar: Well View, I gotta go. The Oscars are gonna start in like 3 hours, and I got to get there fast.

Homestar leaves the studio and leaves in his limo.

Homestar: Oh god! Now I remember who I forgot to thank!

Strong Bad: Well, it's about time...

Homestar: Pom Pom! Man I haven't talked to that guy in like...a whole day! Oh well, I'll mention him when I win my Oscar or 5.

Strong Bad: That no good son of a...

Tandy: Oh Strong Bad, there's one little thing I have to show you before we go on.

Strong Bad: Well whatver it is, it CAN'T be worse than Strong Sad's popularity, The Cheat's religious ways, and Homestar's fame!

Tandy: It is. Combined. I'd like you to look deep into my screen.

Strong Bad: What for?

Strong Bad looks at his screen as Homestar Runner's old site is loaded up.

Strong Bad: This is the website. What for?

"Doo hoo hoo! Hello there!"

Strong Bad: Oh no! Not him! It can't be! Not...

"Welcome to the King Of Town dot Net!"

Director: It's dot com.

King of Town: Oh right. King Of Town dot Net! It's dot com!

Strong Bad: THE KING OF TOWN HAS TAKEN OVER THE WEBSITE?!?!

Tandy: That's not the worst of it. Check one of his 10 latest cartoons.

King of Town: Well there, Poopsmith. How goes the shoveling of the poop?

Poopsmith: Um...it's going good, considering I'm shoveling poop...for a living...for some reason...that I don't know...

Strong Bad: Wait a sec, the Poopsmith can't talk!

Tandy: That isn't the old Poopsmith. It's a new one. You.

Strong Bad: WHAT?!

King of Town: Well, keep up the work Strong Bad, er, Poop Bad, er...whatever.

Other Strong Bad: Poop Bad...how embarrassing.

Strong Sad sneaks up behind and shoves him right into the poop.

Strong Sad: AH HA HA HA HA HA! I guess now you really are Poop Bad! AH HA HA HA HA HA!

Strong Bad: Oh for the love of all that is bad, please make this stop. Please stop it already. I can't take it anymore.

Tandy: We still have one more place to visit.

Strong Bad: Oh where now?

Tandy: 4 years into the future from now.

Strong Bad: 4 years huh? Does it get better?

Tandy: Well...yes and no.

Strong Bad: Yes and no?

Tandy starts glowing as they disappear into the future.

Tandy and Strong Bad arrive in Free Country, 4 years from now.

Tandy: We arrived.

Strong Bad: Tell me, Tandy, where exactly are we going?

Tandy: To your house.

Strong Bad: To my house? Why am I not liking this?

Tnady: You haven't liked ANYTHING about this. Now let's go.

They instantly arrive in the basement, where everybody is gathered.

Strong Bad: Hey, why is everybody here?

Tandy: Watch and listen.

Homestar: 3 years...3, freaking, years...I've waited. And waited. And waited. And those Chapman boneheads don't give me a single call! I'm all ruined!

Homestar throws his cold one right at the wall.

Strong Sad: You think you got it bad? It's been a month since that no good Marzipan left me. I swear if I ever find out where she moved, I'm gonna take that guitar and shove it down her throat!

Strong Sad throws his cold one right on the ground.

Homsar: I LOST MY COUNTRY TO A PEANUT!

Homsar breaks the cold one over his head and falls down.

Strong Sad: What a freaking idiot.

The Cheat: Now Now, my brothers! You may all seem to be down, but if there's anything I've learned from my experience as a Cheat, it's that you can always use a scapegoat for our troubles!

Homestar: Well, Homsar's probably dead, so we need to get someone else.

Other Strong Bad: Hey, um, guys, is your meeting done? I want to watch the T.V. now.

All the people smile devilishly.

All: GET HIM!

Other Strong Bad: Oh no!

Strong Bad: Oh crap no!

Everybody chases the other Strong Bad and tie him up.

Strong Bad: Ok, I think I've seen the yes part, and I don't think I want to see the no part!

Everybody carries the other Strong Bad to a steak and tie him to it. Then they light it on fire.

Everybody: BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN!

Homestar: It's cause of you I'm not a celebrity!

Homestar throws a cold one at his head.

Strong Sad: It's cause of you I lost Marzipan forever!

Strong Sad throws a cold one at his head.

Homsar: IT'S CAUSE OF YOU I WAS ELECTED OUT!

Homsar throws a cold one and misses.

Homsar: I'm no good at this...

The Cheat: Let thy sinner burn! And repent for all that he has done!

Other Strong Bad: No, please, let me down! For the love of god let me down!

The fire gets bigger and starts to burn the Other Strong Bad.

Other Strong Bad: Why...why does this have to happen? If only...If only I did something that would've made me super popular...

Strong Bad: No! This can't be! This can't be how I would turn out!

Tandy: I can't lie Strong Bad. You are burnned at the steak, and as you would like to put it, "all is left to burnination".

Strong Bad: Burnination...it reminds me of Trogdor. But there is no Trogdor...no email...no Strong Bad...nothing...

In a sudden flash, Strong Bad is back in his basement.

Strong Bad: Huh? Where are we?

Tandy: Back in your basement, the moment before all of this happened. Well Strong Bad, what have you learned from all this?

Strong Bad: Well, I've learned that I REALLY HATE THOSE GUYS!

Tandy: Ahem.

Strong Bad: And...and that I should of never wished my weekly e-mail away. I mean sure, I get tons and tons of crappy letters about my gloves, but you know what? I got so angry about that, that I forgot what the e-mails are really for. Entertaining those who don't send those dumb messages, and for those who only go to the site to see the e-mails in the first place. Tandy...I want to do my e-mails again!

All of a sudden, Tandy sprouts a pair of cyberwings.

Tandy: I've done it! I've got my cyberwings! Thank you Strong Bad!

Strong Bad: Thank YOU Tandy!

Tandy flies up to computer heaven, as everything goes white.

Strong Bad starts to open his eyes from the couch.

Strong Bad: Huh? What happened? Was that a dream?

Strong Bad gets up and see something on the floor.

Strong Bad: What's this?

He picks it up and sees it's adjustment knobs for a computer.

Strong Bad: Wait...this is Tandy's! So it WAS real! But...am I back where I am?

"Trogdor!"

He turns around to see his Trogdor machine turned on.

Strong Bad: My Trogdor game! It's back! I'm back! My e-mail is back!

Strong Bad runs outside to see Strongbadia.

Strong Bad: My kingdom! My beautiful kingdom!

His yelling wakes up The Cheat next to the tire.

The Cheat: Reh! Reohreh!

Strong Bad: The Cheat! You're no longer The Nice! Oh it's good to see your back to your old self!

Strong Bad gives him a big hug and runs off. The Cheat scratches his head in confusion.

Strong Bad: Hey everybody, my e-mail is back! My e-mail is back!

King of Town: Go tell someone who cares! Crazy glove wearing...

Strong Bad runs up to Strong Sad.

Strong Bad: Hey dumbface! This is for hitting me with the ceiling fan!

He kicks him right in the knee.

Strong Sad: Ow. What did I do to deserve that?

He then runs up to Homestar Runner.

Strong Bad: Hey Homestar, what's 2+2?

Homestar: Um...is this some sort of twick question?

Strong Bad: Whoo-hoo! You're not smart anymore!

Strong Bad runs off again.

Homestar: Wow...what's with him?

He then runs up to Homsar.

Homsar: Hey there Strong-

Strong Bad: Out of my way!

String Bad pushes him out of his way and goes back into his house. He slows down and walks up to Compy.

Strong Bad: Oh Compy, I'll never unplug you again. Well, except during lighting storms so like, you don't break and...you know what I mean!

Strong Bad is about to plug in Compy, but stops.

Strong Bad: Oh wait, there's just one thing.

Strong Bad gets duct tape and attaches Tandy's adjustment knobs on Compy.

Strong Bad: Thank you Tandy, for everything.

He then plugs in Compy to start his e-mail.

Strong Bad: Ok Compy, load the e-mail!

[strong_bads_email.exe]

Dear Strong Bad,

I read this boring story on the internet where anytime

someone restores an e-mail account, a computer

angel gets it's cyberwings. Do you believe this crap?

Vincent Chiucchi

Brooklyn, New York

Strong Bad: I sure do Vinny. I SURE DO!

THE END