a/n: Id like to thank CackleRubblePop and The Highwaywoman for their kind comments. I'm a hopeless romantic, much like, at least it seemed to me, Vincent was, so I try to understand him that way. This is written from Lucrecia's point of view, more or less, but only for this chapter. Please keep reading ^^
6
Vincent you can't imagine how sorry I am for all that's happened. I just sit here in this cave, day after day, the reflective surfaces portraying me in the light that comes naturally into here. I hear the rumbling of the waterfall and… Vincent I'm so cold… I've made so many mistakes… my entire life's been one bad decision after another... but sitting here… contemplating my suicide, I've thought of you so much…. Wouldn't it have been so easy for us to just run away then? But that's the past… and this is the present, where I live out the second good decision I've ever made: to keep myself shut up in here until the Jenova cells let me die or I do it myself. Vincent I love you and miss you but… it's good, to be alone in this cave, behind the waterfall and the lagoon. I can't hurt anyone anymore. I would ask your forgiveness but that's so much more than I deserve.
And the first good decision I made was, of course, to give my heart to you, because you've always wanted the best for it, even when I didn't. Goodbye, my love.
Professor Gast had been gone for more than an hour with his report from Midgar. Normally he would walk for ten minutes outside the town, since the mountains created interference with his phone, take the calls, which were presumably very short, then walk back. Before he had been gone half an hour at the longest. So this absence was very strange. Lucrecia found it hard to concentrate on the effects of gene tampering with animal cells that were exposed to Mako energy, which required one's full attention anyway. Therefore, when a cat suddenly grew twice its size and then keeled over and died, she became completely flustered and stormed outside to sit in the grove of trees behind the mansion.
Being there reminded her of Vincent, of how much he loved her, but how angry he was, at the end. She still was unsure whether she made the right decision, but she missed him all the same. It was hard, but she was coping, slowly, with the loss. She began to sob softly, trying to convince herself she was doing so for being careless with the cat.
"Lucrecia?" a voice behind her said, full of compassion.
"Yes professor?" she replied, sniffling and turning her head.
Professor Gast squatted down and looked at her, serious expression on his face. "I'm going to take you to Junon now, you don't need to pack anything, we're only staying for a few hours," he looked terribly worried.
God I hope this isn't about dad… "Why?"
He closed his eyes and sighed. "The Turk Vincent Valentine, of his own free will, has blown up two building complexes in Junon. Two hundred and eighty seven dead, one hundred and seventy nine injured."
Lucrecia merely stared, blinked, and continued to stare. She had a completely expressionless face, as if to say "all right, I'm ready to wake up now." The professor continued.
"The Turks's whereabouts of this time are unknown, and…" Gast paused and took a deep breath, "your father, Lucrecia, is missing, presumed dead."
"No he's not… he's not dead…."
"I'm sorry Lucrecia."
"No no my father isn't dead… you must;ve… thought of the wrong apartment complex or maybe he's doing field research or…. Or something. My- my father can't be dead."
"Come on my dear," the professor began, offering his hand, "they're having a mass funeral, and they've sent a chopper. Come on," the professor began to stand.
"No you don't understand! My father isn't dead! He can't've died! This is a mistake, no no no this is a mistake!"
Gast sighed again and looked into her eyes, which were now swelling with tears. "Vincent Valentine killed your father. We don't know who he's working for but we're going to find out and hunt Vincent down. I'm glad you made him leave when you did. It could've been you," he hugged her tightly, and she endured it for a moment before pushing him away.
"No no, Vincent didn't kill my father because my father isn't dead! …this is all wrong," she began to shake her head and rock back and forth, her arms wrapped around her knees. "This isn't real, just a dream… just a dream… just a dream."
Professor Gast said nothing, but sat on the ground next to her, and held her, and they swayed back and forth. She wept every so often, before breaking into another round of repeating "no my father's still alive" under her breath. After what seemed like an eternity she looked up into Professor Gast's eyes. "Professor?"
"Mm?"
"Is my father dead? Did Vincent really kill him?" She asked, more tears swelling. The professor merely held her tighter, and she began to cry anew.
***
Hojo was paying more attention to her, since Vincent had left. It was subtle at first; subtle enough for Lucrecia to ignore it, but it grew worse with each passing month. It began with the occasional glance, or his volunteering to help Lucrecia with work when he didn't have to. Conversation was never a favorite pastime between Hojo and Lucrecia, so any time previously they would spend in silence. But now, almost a year after Vincent left, Lucrecia began to worry.
Every time Lucrecia stayed up late to finish an experiment Hojo was there, not exactly helping but instead trying to carry on awkward conversations with his colleague. He would bump into her, making some mild attempt to become flustered as if it were an accident, though Lucrecia knew she had felt his hand somewhere, her butt, her breasts. At first she actually thought they were accidents but the frequency of his accidents told a different story than her first presumption. She was starting to dream he was in her bedroom as she slept, watching her. Once she was so terrified it wasn't a dream that she screamed, and he ran out of the room and dodged into his own. After that Lucrecia never slept soundly again.
When he walked into the room she had shivers down her spine, and she stopped ever staying up late to finish things. She always created some excuse not to be alone in the same room with the lanky black-haired man, and, as such, he tried ever harder to be with her. She spent too many nights waking to the sound of her own screaming in the dark.
Lucrecia, of course, attempted to downplay her worries, and when Professor Gast asked her what she was having nightmares about, she always said nothing and held him closely; they had grown closer with the time that passed. She had lost the two most important men in her life within a week, and she clung to Gast to replace both of them, which he seemed more than happy to do.
Gast became, to her, father, friend, and lover, all at once. Those things he had become to her in every facet, and Hojo began to realize, very slowly, where Lucrecia was when she was not in her bed at night, and why Lucrecia went to sleep shortly after Professor Gast, leaving Hojo with three hours of work to do on some nights, and jealousy boiled in him. He became moody, shutting himself up in the lab, sleeping only three hours a night at most, always reading and experimenting. He was not the most sociable creature before, but his discovery that Lucrecia and the Professor were lovers began to drive him more insane than he had already been.
***
More time passed by, as time tends to do whether one is paying attention to it or not, and the trio's research flourished. Hojo had adopted a very pleasant mood since the room had been built, and he became very friendly with Lucrecia, without a hint of the strangeness of his mentality before. They all worked as a team, and the professor told them it would be very soon before they could start working with Jenova cell introduction into human beings, improving their strength and mental capabilities.
Working late into the night was resumed once more, now that Lucrecia had allowed enough time to pass that she began to forget about Hojo, for he seemed to forget about her. Their work, which was often finished at four in the morning, went on as normal: in silence, and Lucrecia felt more at ease with Hojo, though most of the time Professor Gast was there with them both, because, since it was only the three of them, instead of treating Lucrecia better because of there relationship, Gast simply chose to join his subordinates like an equal.
***
"Lucrecia dear?" Professor Gast said, laying a hand on Lucrecia's shoulder.
"Mmm?" she responded, turning away from the microscope she was looking through.
"I'm off to bed, alright?"
"Yeah I'll be up in a sec, gotta finish this," she replied quickly, turning back to the microscope.. He kissed her on the cheek and left.
Hojo was busy too, though with what she didn't know. She drew the last group of cells that she saw in the microscope and was assorting her papers before she left the lab, and Hojo came to her, very calmly, with two glasses. He smiled, and she smiled back politely, and took one of the glasses as he handed it to her.
"To the progression of our research," Hojo said jovially.
Lucrecia stared at the red liquid in the glass for a moment and raised her eyebrow. "What is this?"
"Wine, of course," he said, taking a long drink. She did the same, and almost instantly she collapsed in her chair and blacked out.
***
Lucrecia was having a nightmare. She was on the operating table in the lab. She couldn't move. Her mind raced around, frightened and afraid. She had control of none of her muscles, neither in the entirety of her body nor her mouth, so the fact that she wanted, more than anything, to scream, went unnoticed by her vocal cords. She saw Hojo, looming, on top of her, felt his weight. She felt him inside her, and she wanted with the depths of her soul to scream. More than that, though she didn't realize, she wanted to wake up. She wanted to find herself in Professor Gast's arms and cry and tell him how she had had the most horrible nightmare about her colleague. And, for the merest fraction of a second, because it was a very old and almost instinctual feeling, she wanted Vincent there, to protect her from what was happening. And everything went dark again.
***
Lucrecia woke up, alone, in her own bed, which had not been used in months. She had been saving a scream for several hours, and now, at once, her own screaming awakened her. She remembered, in detail, her dream, and she felt something was wrong; she knew something was wrong, and because of it, when the door opened she quickly gathered all her sheets around her and backed away into the far corner of her room. "Lucrecia?" Professor Gast began.
She stayed silent, and he walked over to her, very slowly. "Lucrecia what's wrong," he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. She screamed again.
"Don't touch me!"
"But…"
She began to sob, curling herself into a ball. "Go!" she screamed, and he left without another word.
Lucrecia did not speak for three weeks. She was like a silhouette against the walls when she moved, and any sight of Hojo was like light bearing down on that silhouette, causing it to disappear to another room.
