Disclaimer: In regards to all things View Askew (I own nothing).
Setting: The interior of the convenience store. DANTE stands at the counter. RANDAL walks in)
RANDAL: Hello, Dante.
DANTE: Hey. Gonna open the video store?
RANDAL: In a minute. First I gotta tell you how lazy the people of this country have gotten.
DANTE: What were you doing at the mall? You never go to the mall.
RANDAL: I had to buy a shoe. Anyway, I was there and-
DANTE: Wait, wait. Don't you mean you were going to buy a pair of shoes?
RANDAL: No, just one.
DANTE: Why the hell were you doing only buying one shoe?
RANDAL: What does it matter what I was doing buying only one shoe?
DANTE: Well I'm curious. I mean, one shoe? I would think you'd need to replace both shoes at about the same time.
RANDAL: They do. I sold one of them on eBay.
DANTE: Sold it? Why?
RANDAL: I told the guy who bought it that it was worn by Ben Affleck.
DANTE: What do you think he's gonna do when he finds out that it wasn't?
RANDAL: How do you expect him to find out?
DANTE: Good point. So, how has the country gotten lazier?
RANDAL: I was in the mall, and guess what I saw?
DANTE: That Brodie guy holding himself up inside the comic book store?
RANDAL: No. Couches.
DANTE: Couches?
RANDAL: Couches, right in the middle of the fucking mall. Chairs too, with fucking side tables.
DANTE: You're kidding me.
RANDAL: I wish. This is how bad society has gotten, my friend. People have gotten so lazy that they can't stand to walk around when they shop. They have to have sofas set up in the middle of the fucking mall. I'm convinced that this is how the machines were able to take over so easily in The Matrix.
DANTE: So- you're blaming furniture companies for the downfall of humanity.
RANDAL: You didn't see any recliners at Zion, did you? No, you didn't. They know the evils that comes with comfy chairs.
DANTE: So you're saying that, in order to save humanity, we have to get rid of all out furniture?
RANDAL: It seems to obvious now. You know, the Rebel Forces in Star Wars didn't have any comfy chairs either. The Imperials did, but not the Rebels.
DANTE: You're insane.
RANDAL: Maybe. Hey, you got any Gatorade?
DANTE: That's it? You're going to give up that easily?
RANDAL: I don't see why not. I mean, there's no use in arguing about a movie. Seriously, man, you need a life.
DANTE: But you brought it up!
RANDAL: Sure. Whatever, weirdo.
(RANDAL walks out, taking a Gatorade with him)
DANTE: Hey! You need to pay for that! (Beat) I can't win. I just can't win.
Setting: The interior of the convenience store. DANTE stands at the counter. RANDAL walks in)
RANDAL: Hello, Dante.
DANTE: Hey. Gonna open the video store?
RANDAL: In a minute. First I gotta tell you how lazy the people of this country have gotten.
DANTE: What were you doing at the mall? You never go to the mall.
RANDAL: I had to buy a shoe. Anyway, I was there and-
DANTE: Wait, wait. Don't you mean you were going to buy a pair of shoes?
RANDAL: No, just one.
DANTE: Why the hell were you doing only buying one shoe?
RANDAL: What does it matter what I was doing buying only one shoe?
DANTE: Well I'm curious. I mean, one shoe? I would think you'd need to replace both shoes at about the same time.
RANDAL: They do. I sold one of them on eBay.
DANTE: Sold it? Why?
RANDAL: I told the guy who bought it that it was worn by Ben Affleck.
DANTE: What do you think he's gonna do when he finds out that it wasn't?
RANDAL: How do you expect him to find out?
DANTE: Good point. So, how has the country gotten lazier?
RANDAL: I was in the mall, and guess what I saw?
DANTE: That Brodie guy holding himself up inside the comic book store?
RANDAL: No. Couches.
DANTE: Couches?
RANDAL: Couches, right in the middle of the fucking mall. Chairs too, with fucking side tables.
DANTE: You're kidding me.
RANDAL: I wish. This is how bad society has gotten, my friend. People have gotten so lazy that they can't stand to walk around when they shop. They have to have sofas set up in the middle of the fucking mall. I'm convinced that this is how the machines were able to take over so easily in The Matrix.
DANTE: So- you're blaming furniture companies for the downfall of humanity.
RANDAL: You didn't see any recliners at Zion, did you? No, you didn't. They know the evils that comes with comfy chairs.
DANTE: So you're saying that, in order to save humanity, we have to get rid of all out furniture?
RANDAL: It seems to obvious now. You know, the Rebel Forces in Star Wars didn't have any comfy chairs either. The Imperials did, but not the Rebels.
DANTE: You're insane.
RANDAL: Maybe. Hey, you got any Gatorade?
DANTE: That's it? You're going to give up that easily?
RANDAL: I don't see why not. I mean, there's no use in arguing about a movie. Seriously, man, you need a life.
DANTE: But you brought it up!
RANDAL: Sure. Whatever, weirdo.
(RANDAL walks out, taking a Gatorade with him)
DANTE: Hey! You need to pay for that! (Beat) I can't win. I just can't win.
