A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I'm glad to know people are reading! ^_^
Prince Quest, a Cracked Fairy Tale
Chapter 3: The Troll Game
Greetings, Cheerful Readers. In our last chapter, Bulma had just met up with the strange, starving Spargatian, Goku, who was looking for his runaway family.
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Bulma yawned. They'd been traveling along for two and a half hours, conversing merrily, and she was starting to get a little hungry. They'd taken a couple of short rest breaks, mainly for her benefit, not for Goku's, since he seemed to have the energy of ten men, but she hadn't eaten much at those times. "Goku, I need to stop for lunch," she said to her companion.
He perked up instantly. "Do you have any more of those energy snacks? They were really tasty."
The young woman heaved a soft, exasperated sigh. "Yes, but they aren't in a position where I can get to them easily. You can have something else. I brought lots of "goodies," as you call them. Oh, look, what a pretty bridge." She glanced at her catchall time, speed, and distance device. "Yes, as I surmised, it's the border between Spargate and Panchan. We can have lunch after we cross it. There are even two nice big tree stumps on the other side, perfect for us to sit on." She pedaled in that direction, Goku following with a big grin on his face.
They had no sooner reached the lovely white stone bridge when from beneath their feet came a mighty roar. "Ware, trespassers on the mercy of the - cough, hack, cough, the Abominable Troll!"
"Eek! Help!" Bulma shrieked, dropping the bicycle, and running to hide behind Goku, her face a mask of fear.
"Where is it?" Goku wondered, craning his neck to look.
"Retreat now, or be prepared to pay a deadly toll!" the deep, gruff voice added.
"I'm sorry, Mister Troll, but we've really got to cross this bridge. My wife ran away, and I need to find her. She went this way," the spiky-haired Spargatian told the anonymous terror.
Bulma reached in her pocket, making sure to free up her Exploding Nerve-Numbing Gas Capsule.
"Why should I care about your wife, foolish mortal? Leave, and I'll spare your lives. Stay, and you'll have to answer a really stupid riddle."
The lines of tension on Bulma's face smoothed out. "A riddle, huh? I can answer any riddle put to me - especially a *stupid* riddle! Ask away, O Scary Troll!"
The owner of the voice growled. "I didn't think it was going to come down to this, but you asked for it. Remember that you could have walked away, and don't blame me later when your brains have imploded. Very well; what is black…n…white…n…rd all over?" it said in a rush.
Bulma relaxed, though she did appear a trifle queasy. "Ooh, a trick question – but still quite simple. Your deliberate choice to slur the vowels in n and rd leads me to believe that the sentence would have been 'What is black on white and read all over,' in its complete form," she said. Goku merely looked puzzled. "So, the answer has to be Mad Emperor Pilaf's 'Rule the World Chronicles.' Everyone reads them. He's a terrible author, though, most megalomanical types are. I still don't understand how he manages to sell his work. No wonder you said our brains would implode over this riddle. It was close, but I did manage to survive, and I don't think Goku knew what you were talking about, so he was safe. Whew. You know, I thought you were going to ask me the Sphinx Question, but I'm glad you didn't. It's so overdone."
"Gnar! Gnash! Curses! You are right. You are smarter than I thought, Human with the strangely colored hair. The Sphinx Question is, of course, the default question, but only because it is in the generic Answer a Riddle or Die script given to all None Shall Pass Guardians. I knew for certain you would answer that one, however, as you are obviously a Heroine Type on a quest, and all questers of your ilk automatically come up with the correct reply, Man. Therefore, I thought I would try to cause havoc to your brain cells with an offering of utter stupidity instead."
"Well, you didn't count on me being a genius, did you? So there! And really, what is it with you foreigners and your backward impressions of my beautiful tresses? You must be a total relic - nobody actually says words like 'Gnar' and 'Gnash' out loud. Anyway, how can you see my hair? You're under the bridge!" Bulma stared angrily at the object under discussion.
"Actually, I have been throwing my voice. I am right above you, puny Human who would be wise to stop criticizing those who are much more powerful than she is."
The Beauteous One jumped, and both she and Goku looked up. "Eeeeeeee," she screamed, "it's not a Troll; it's a Demon!"
"Wow," said Goku. "I've never met a real Demon before. Hi, Mister Demon. Why are you pretending to be a Troll?"
An extremely tall green, fanged being descended from the sky with great majesty, his white cape gently billowing in the breeze. "Because The Abominable Troll needed a vacation, and I owed her a favor. It has been the most boring week I have ever spent. I would far rather be out killing tiresome Humans than reading typical Troll Guardian commentary from a trite script."
Goku scratched his head. "I'm really sorry that guarding the bridge isn't very interesting, but you know it isn't nice to kill others, unless they hurt your family, and then it's okay, but only if they refuse to change their evil ways."
The Demon's jaw dropped. The phrase, "Who is this weirdo?" was writ large upon his features, yea, verily. "I could kill you in an instant, fool," he said, baring those fearsome fangs of his at them.
"I don't think so. I'm very strong. My grandfather used to say I was the strongest boy he knew, before he was killed by a big, terrifying monster. I've won tournaments against Humans and non-Humans, too. I can take you easily, so bring it on!" Goku clenched his fists, and moved into a defensive stance.
"What manner of slang is this?" the Demon asked, wrinkling his brow in confusion.
Bulma decided she'd better break up this little brouhaha before it got started. Or maybe it would be better to leave them to fight it out, and keep going. No, she had been enjoying the company of the lad from Spargate, even if he did have terrible dining habits, and an accent that was more countrified than the hillfolk of Upper Tao-Pi-Pi. Besides, since he was a fighter, he could protect her from any more dangers they might encounter. She hoped.
"It's Spargatian fighting talk. I studied it at university," she told the ferny-hued Demon. "But if either of you even think about battling, I'll scream so loud it'll shatter your eardrums. I know Demons have extra-sensitive hearing, and I've observed during our journey that the same is true for Goku over there. So, stop it right this minute, and be friends!"
"Friends!" roared the Demon. "My kind have no friends, and especially not weak and weak-minded Human-types. Ever since my sire, The Great Emperor of Demons, was defeated at the game of bridge by That Most Puissant and Evil of Kings, Tenshinhan, he has cowered in a cave at the top of The-Mountain-That-Used-To-Be-Called-Fry-Pan. I will not suffer the same fate by getting close to Humans!"
"Why would he cower?" Bulma asked. "Everyone knows Brave, Good King Tenshinhan is a master of all card games. There's no shame in losing to him."
"Alas, you do not know my sire. He simply cannot lose. He will not lose. It put a giant hole in his self-esteem. So, he has been in that cave for four years, practicing playing bridge with a family of dragons." The Demon shook his head in dismay. "I wot he will still lose to the Evil King when he returns to the battle arena, however."
Bulma narrowed her eyes at him, and was about to defend the High King's basic level of goodness again, when Goku interrupted.
"I'll be happy to be your friend, Mister Demon. My name's Son Goku, but you can call me Goku!"
The imposing green personage winced. "My name is Piccolo the Younger, Prince of all Demonkind. You may call me Piccolo the Younger, if you will call me it from a far distance, as you walk across the bridge and take leave of my presence."
"Pickle-o, that's an interesting name," Goku said. "I like people who are named after food."
"A piccolo is a musical instrument, silly!" Bulma said, smiling behind her hand as Piccolo the Younger glowered.
"Oh, okay. I thought that since he was green, maybe he was a Pickle Demon. Hey, Piccolo the Younger, I've got an idea that would take care of your boredom!"
"And what would that be?" the Demon asked in a fiery voice, his ego somewhat punctured from being compared to a pickled cucumber.
"If you haven't got anything better to do, why don't you travel with us for a while?"
"Whaaat?" Bulma glared at Goku. Now, there was a lovely idea indeed, inviting a murderous Demon along.
"Aw, c'mon, Miss Bulma, it'd be fun! And besides that, well, do you ever have 'feelings'?"
"Of course I have feelings!" she hissed. "Don't be dumber than you can help! And right now, my 'feelings' say that this is one ultra-scary green guy who doesn't like us very much."
"No, I mean the kind of feeling you get when you know you should be doing something but you don't know why you should be doing it, like getting the urge to move away from a building you've been leaning against, and right after you've moved, a piano falls and hits the ground exactly where you would have been standing."
"Oh. Well. Yes. Sometimes. Are you saying you are having one of these 'feelings' that the ultra-scary green guy should go with us, then?"
"Uh huh. I don't know why, but I know he's going to help both of us somehow."
Bulma thought about it for a minute, while Piccolo the Younger stood baring his fangs again. She didn't think he looked like a good matchmaker, so how could he possibly be of any assistance to her? But for some reason, she had truly come to trust Goku in the short time they'd been traveling together. There was no artifice to him, and as odd as he was, she "knew" he was a friend to her. If he thought it was important that the Demon accompany them, so be it. "Very well," she grumbled.
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Thank you for returning to my Chapter Closing Paragraph. What will Piccolo say to Goku's proposition? Will Bulma have yet another unusual companion on the road to Vegetable? And, speaking of Vegetables, what will Bulma's Handsome Prince be like? We'll finally find out in Chapter 4. Take care, Timaeus.
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