A/N:  Argh!  I'm sorry this has taken so long – RL and the evil ISP struck again.  Thanks again to everyone who has been reviewing!  ^__^  I promise to thank you all individually when this is over.

soyamiso, I always used to wonder where the female Dwarves were, too, that's why I chose to do that scene without them,  as a sort of homage/spoof.  However, I have an explanation in this chapter as to why they aren't around.  LOL.

Disclaimer:  I still don't own Dragonball, but you can probably tell that I wish I did.  ^_~

Prince Quest, a Cracked Fairy Tale

Chapter 6:  And Then There Were Four

This is Timaeus the Glib, your Happy Narrator.  Please be seated, Gentle Beings. I'd like to get this part of the introduction over with as quickly as possible, so that the Head Dwarf will stop lurking over my shoulder with his axe, threatening me with a permanent place on his wall if I cast any more aspersions on his taste in home furnishings.  Thank you kindly for your tolerance of one who is merely a shadow cast on the brightness of the Sun that is Bulma–the-Beautiful Briefs.  And now, on with our tale featuring her, and her supporting players.

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Prince Vegeta was in the ornamental water garden, watching a pair of young newly-mateds laughingly feeding the snapping red swans in the large central pond.  For the smallest of instants, a bitter envy snaked through him.  I will never have the satisfaction of mating truly with a female worthy of me, he thought.  Then he closed his eyes and turned angrily away from the sight.  Time to go and make himself and some of his Elite warriors even stronger than they already were by engaging in a mock-battle that would leave them all battered and bloody, and able to attain even greater strength when they recovered.  Whatever the Greatest Evil was, and he believed he knew the name of that foulness, surely it would behoove them to continue to prepare for it in as many ways as possible.

He strode from the garden, and nearly bumped into Nappa, the trainer of his early days, and his main sparring partner.  Shrugging off the taller man's apologies, he waved a hand in a cutting-off gesture.  "Summon the guards.  It is a good day for a Bloodbath."

Nappa grinned fiercely.  "I will do so with much gladness, Your Princeliness.  It's been a while since we had a mass scrap.  Your father might even deign to take part in this one; it's my belief he's as much on edge as the rest of us, what with waiting for the…and…the…" he stopped what he was about to say as he saw Prince Vegeta's malevolent expression.  It was a terrible thing for the Royal Heir to have to mate with a Human, but, sooner or later, the Prince would have to become accustomed to his fate.  Everyone else had, and were now on alert, all waiting for the arrival of the Blue-Haired Woman, and the Greatest Evil to follow her within a very short period of time.

Prince Vegeta turned his obsidian orbs to the practice field as they walked toward the Palace of the Seventeen Hundred Winds.  Nappa left him there and marched to the barracks, where the unmated Guards lived.  Some few were practicing in the yard, but as it was midday, most were finishing off their lunches or were on duty at the Palace.

"Losers!  The Prince requests a Bloodbath, now!" said the bald-headed trainer, his smile now utterly vulture-like.

The Elites jumped to attention, each one all but wriggling with joy.  A no-holds-barred match with Prince Vegeta was a glorious event indeed.  Fifteen happy Guards tumbled out into the yard after Nappa, to be joined by the four in the yard once explanations had been made, and further orders given.  Ten minutes later, after the king had been apprised of the event in question and Radditz had followed him out, the practice engagement began.  It was a wild yet controlled melee, where smooth punches and kicks soon gave way to carefully orchestrated ki attacks.  The Elite force accounted well for themselves, but, as is the way of a world in which those who are both strongest and most cunning are nearly always victorious, soon only King Vegeta, Prince Vegeta and Nappa were left standing, and Raditz and Ruta, Nappa's daughter, sitting, in a yard full of near-unconscious fighters.  All five were streaked with blood and covered in bruises.  All five were grinning. 

"Very good," the prince said, taking in his surroundings, and smirking at the bleeding soldiers on the ground.  "We will all grow stronger from this, and perhaps, at last, I shall ascend to the level of power the legends say I am destined for."  The royal father and son turned their backs on the carnage, and with Nappa as their shadow, went back to the palace to shower and find a hearty repast.  The new cook they'd hired made food like none other. 

****  ****

Shortly before Prince Vegeta's scrap with his warriors, Bulma and Goku were having their lives threatened by infuriated Dwarves.  Did they survive?  Let us ascertain the answer to this question of momentous import.

****  ****

"Kill her!  Kill her now!" shrieked the Head Dwarf, his eyes rolling around insanely in his head.  Four Dwarves rushed forward, only to be met by the Spargatian fighter, who managed to deftly avoid all four axes while pushing his foes back to a point beyond the table.  Beer mugs and dishes clattered as the Dwarf quartet crashed into the opposite wall.  The other Dwarves looked slightly concerned.

"You know, it's really a waste of time to try to hurt Miss Bulma.  She may be kind of bossy, and a bit snooty, but she has all kinds of good food, and her heart's in the right place, and it's only fair to defend her because she's traveling with me, so there's no way I'm going to let you get near her," Goku told the Dwarves, who were massing for another run at him.

Behind him, Bulma blinked.  Were all males tactless idiots?  Bossy?  Snooty?  She?  Not so!  She was merely a high-class gem in a sea of common pebbles.  Any person of refinement would have been able to see that.  Goku was surely going to hear it from her after he took care of the tacky Dwarves...if he took care of the tacky Dwarves.

"Get them!" the Head Dwarf ordered, and he, followed by the eleven members of his dining party, rushed back at the defending pair.

Bulma cowered.  Twelve angry warriors, with twelve big, sharp axes.  Oh, dear.  Could Goku really save them?   Her knapsack was up above with her bicycle, so any weapons of self-defense she might be able to create were also up there, except for the Exploding Nerve-Numbing Gas Capsule, which would not only numb the nerves of the Dwarves, but of her and Goku as well.  Drat it all!  She hated feeling helpless.

"I haveth you now!"  The Head Dwarf swung his mighty axe at Goku's leg.  Goku jumped up in the air, and that weapon missed him, as did the other eleven axes that were being aimed at him. 

"Where did he go?" the Dwarves wondered when he didn't come back down. 

Bulma looked up at the hole in the ceiling.  Goku had escaped, but he'd left her here.  "Gokuuuuu!" she yelled.

A goofy laugh was her reply. "Oops!  I don't know my own strength sometimes!  Errr.  I'll be right back.  Oh, hello, Piccolo the Younger!  I'm glad you caught up with us.  I'm in the midst of fighting some Dwarves who want to kill Bulma, and I guess, me, too."

The Dwarves looked at Bulma.  Bulma looked at the Dwarves.  They were all thinking the same thing – if Goku was up there, and his attention was distracted by the new arrival, and Bulma was down here, now was their chance.  She screamed for help, very, very loudly.

The twelve Dwarves cringed back, being possessed of sensitive hearing much as Goku and Piccolo were.  Goku jumped back into the hole, knowing he could get out easily enough if he needed to, his ears ringing.

Above them, the Demon peered into the Dwarven cave, curious to see what was happening.  He could see that the cave was not high enough for him to fight efficiently within, but he would lend a hand if needed.

"Excuse me, but what's going on, please?" came a voice from behind him. 

Piccolo the Younger snarled and spun around, ready to annihilate the paltry creature, whatever it was.  How had he missed sensing this energy level?  It was fairly high, for a mortal. What do you want?" he asked, eyeing the very short person before him with deadly menace.

The very short person - was he an extra thin, beardless Dwarf? - laughed nervously, and stepped back, showing the Demon the tall pile of thin white boxes on the back of his fly-a-scooter.  "I'm the pizza delivery guy," he explained.  "But is the Knock on Wood Clan in any condition to have pizza delivered to them, Sir Demon?  It looks like they had an accident with their home."

"You could say that," mused the Demon, peering back into the hole, where Goku was fending off the attacking Dwarf horde with fancy high kicks and making it look relatively simple.  "It would be wise if you desisted in your attempt to deliver your burden for the moment.  Your clients are currently busy trying to kill my companions.  And, please, call me Prince Demon, or I'll have to turn you into cottage cheese."

The pizza delivery guy shuddered, but came forward, and looked down into the hole.  "Anything you say, Prince Demon.  Maybe it will stop them from fighting if I tell them the food's here?"

Piccolo the Younger blinked at the short man, his lip curling up ever so slightly.  "Why would you want to do that?  A good fight is a thing of beauty – though I will say that this particular battle is rather pathetic, as battles go."

"Well, you know, I've got an exciting life to live…okay, so I don't have an exciting life to live, but I can't wait around forever for them to get done.  Believe me, they don't like cold pizza!  Hey, Lord Breaksixbones, your dinner's here!" he called.

"PIZZA!" was the response from twelve husky throats, as all axe-wielding rushes were put on hold.  "KILL!  Then pizza!  Or pizza, then kill?"

"Pizza?" Goku asked hopefully.

"For the sake of the Ones, you just ate!" Bulma said.  "Finish saving me first, and then worry about your next meal!"

"But…Pizza!!  We hardly ever have pizza at home," the Spargatian replied, disappointment painting his honest features.

"Nor will you have it now, Human!  The insolence of you, daring to craveth our Bachelor Party dinner!"  The Head Dwarf shook his head at the spiky-haired man.

"Bachelor Party, is it?" Bulma muttered.  "That explains why the testosterone quotient in the room is so high."

"Really?  Who's getting married?"  Goku bounced on the balls of his feet, and kept a ready stance.

The Dwarves held their weapons poised to strike.  "Dwor Breakabone here is the lucky one.  He will wed Lulliae Rockskull three days hence, after much feasting. "

The "lucky one" smiled with much pride.  "I am fortunate beyond the ken of most Dwarves and Humans alike; my Lulliae has a beard both thick and long – perfect for midnight braiding parties."  He looked over at Goku and Bulma.  "It's sad indeed that you Human females can't grow beards.  No female could possibly be anything but strange looking without one."  The other Dwarves murmured in agreement, not noticing that Bulma's face was turning red in anger.

"I have had it with you uncouth heathens!" she cried.  "I am not strange looking!  I am beautiful!  Beautiful.  Everyone has always told me so, and I can see it for myself.  Goku, get me out of here now!  I want to be on my way, and go to a place where I am appreciated again, instead of reviled by those with horrible taste."  She turned up her chin at the Dwarves, who looked puzzled.

"Truly, Lady Human," Dwor Breakabone said, "I do not revileth you, I pity you.  You cannot help being beardless.  I no longer wish to kill you for helping to ruin our ceiling, though I will do as our Chieftain requires."

Bulma blinked at him.  "Well, thank you very much!" she spluttered, turning a glare on him that would have easily singed his precious beard, if she'd happened to have any magical powers.  "What a nice thing to say to a girl!  Creep!"

"We do not have horrible taste!" roared the Head Dwarf.  "You are just asking for an axe in the gut, Human!"

"No, I'm not!  Your henchman called me strange looking, and I took offense to it.  How could I not?  So there!" 

The Head Dwarf shrugged.  "So, you cannot handle the truth, then?"

Bulma's eyes narrowed, and she stomped out from behind Goku.  "It isn't true!  And I'm glad your ceiling fell apart, since you're being so nasty!"

"Bulma, don't you think we should be a bit nicer to the Dwarves?" Goku suddenly queried, in a near-complete switch of position.  "I already know I can beat them, and they already know I can beat them, so why don't we just be friends, and share some pizza?"

"Turncoat!  They insulted me, and you are selling me out for pizza?!"

"So, you think you can beat us, and steal our dinner?" the Head Dwarf asked, glaring ferociously.

Goku grinned cockily.  "Well, yes, I think I can beat you.  I'm very strong, and I had a great martial arts master to teach me all about fighting.  And no, I won't 'steal' your pizza, but I've had an idea.  Maybe we can help you fix your roof, and then you give me one of those pies.  It'd make a perfect after-dinner snack.  Then, we'll leave, because I need to find my Chi-Chi, and there's no time to waste."

"GOKU!  They called me strange looking!"  Bulma glared at him, even more ferociously than the Head Dwarf had just done.

"Well, you said they had bad taste," the young man countered.  Bulma had to admit that he did have a point.

"They still shouldn't have tried to kill me – and you - though!"

"No, they shouldn't have, but trust me, I am not selling you out for a pizza."  He leaned forward and bent to whisper in her ear.   "I've got good reasons for this, and I'll tell you about them later.  I promise."

The blue-haired woman eyed him with displeasure, barely mollified by his partial explanation.

"What's a Chi-Chi?" the Dwarf leader wanted to know.  Then he held up his hand.  "Never mind.  I accept your offer.  As much as we love to fight, and we know we could have beaten you, extra-strong Human, we only have three days within which to celebrate this happy occasion.  Let all past offense be forgotten."

Across from him, Bulma fumed quietly.  Goku had an amazing way of turning enemies into allies, but to her way of thinking, the pestiferous Dwarves were still on her bad side – her very bad side.

Goku looked up at the hole.  "Did you hear all that, Piccolo?"

"Yes," was the Demon's succinct reply.  "If you need aid, I will provide it."

"So will I," chimed in the pizza delivery guy.  "These babies won't stay warm forever, though they've got the usual half-hour heat spell working on them."

And so it was that Goku, a reluctant Bulma, Piccolo, the Dwarves, and the pizza delivery guy worked in cooperation to rebuild the ceiling, and make it far stronger than it ever had been before.  In less than an hour, they were finished with that part of their task, and Lord Breaksixbones sent Dwor Breakabone and the helpers out through the tunnels with his thanks, and farewells - and a wheelbarrow containing the remnants of the dirt and grass that had fallen through the hole with the unexpected arrivals to the cave.  Once back on top, they packed the dirt into place, and made it look as presentable as possible.

Dwor paid the pizza delivery guy for the food, and, leaving one pie, started down around the side of the hill with a final jaunty wave.  "You're not too bad for a Human, Goku," he said, and then was gone.

"You're not too bad for a Human, Goku," Bulma mimicked sourly.  "I am so very, very ready to depart this place, and I hope I never see Panchan again, if these are the kind of tacky, insulting people who live here."

"Hey!" the pizza delivery guy protested.  "I live here, and I'm nice.  Besides, I think you're very pretty," he added. 

"At last, a Dwarf with good taste," Bulma said in a somewhat barbed tone, as she patted her hair.   Next to her, Goku was devouring his reward, messily.

"Oh, I'm not a Dwarf, Miss.  I'm just a short person.  Well, I guess I should get back to the boring pizza shop, and my boring, humdrum life," he said with a sigh, starting to walk over to his fly-a-scooter.

Goku swallowed the last bit of pizza, and raised a hand.  "Wait!  I've got a feeling.  You should stay."

"Huh?"  The little Panchanian turned to stare at the taller Spargatian.

"Uh huh.  I get feelings sometimes, and this one says you should go with us, because you won't be bored, and you will be useful.  But, wow, I never knew there were so many bored people in this world."

"Yes, unfortunately we can't all live exciting lives, you know…I won't be bored?   Really?"  The pizza delivery guy perked up.  "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find my wife, Chi-Chi, and I don't know where Miss Bulma is going, but we're traveling in the same direction for now," Goku answered.   "Piccolo is supposed to go with us for some reason – my 'feeling' said so - and he was bored just like you, so that's why he's here.  Where are you on your way to, anyway, Miss Bulma?  You never did tell me."

Bulma decided she wanted to avoid a direct answer to that question.  It would be a little embarrassing to admit she was going to try to capture herself a were-monkey prince husband, one she hadn't even met yet.  "I'm on a Secret Quest," she finally said.

"Now that sounds interesting," said the small man.  "I'm in.  I was only helping out my brother-in-law while my sister was on maternity leave, and she's back as of today, coincidentally enough.  What more could I ask for than mystical 'feelings', and a Secret Quest?  I've got some martial arts experience, so maybe I really can help you out.  So, lead on!  Oh, by the way, my name is Krillin, since we never did introduce ourselves earlier," he thought to add, after a short pause.

"Great!" Goku bounced over to him and shook his hand.  "Glad to have you with us!  I'm Goku, and this is Prince Piccolo the Younger and Miss Bulma."

Bulma rolled her eyes.  Then she noticed something.  Her knapsack and bicycle were gone.   Oh, HFIL.

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Welcome, one and all, to the Chapter Closing Paragraph.  Oh, my.  Oh, my.  Who has stolen most of Bulma's belongings?  What will this mean for our heroic foursome? Will the radiantly, wonderfully lovely Bulma ever meet her Handsome, Exceptionally Undeserving Prince?  You are likely to receive the answers to these questions in our very next chapter, so, please, put on your Patience Caps, and stay tuned.  Good night, and I bow before you, my awesome Readers.

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