A/N: I don't own Dragonball, but I'd like to own Vegeta. ^__^ I do own Queen Cressika, and that's worth…I have no clue.
Thanks so very much for the reviews: Sujakata – Yay, another new reader! I like your name. Thank you! ^_^ Renee of the great pen name – I'm glad you like the thing with Nappa's character - I can't help it – I automatically feel a little protective of the characters most people hate just because they're not especially attractive or whatever. I'm such a sap! ^_~ soyamiso – if that wasn't an eloquent review, I don't know what was. That said so much! Now, I give terrible reviews. I can sit and try to say what I want about a story for an hour, and still not get it right. Otherwise, I'd be reviewing people a lot more than I do. ^_^;; Anyway, to you all and anyone else who's reading, I appreciate you very much! (runs away before she descends into further sappiness)
Prince Quest, a Cracked Fairy Tale
Chapter Ten: Of Were-monkeys and Prophecies
Ah, Dearest Readers. There you are again, and here I am again as well. As you will remember from our last chapter, Bulma-the-Beautiful met the King and Queen of the icky were-monkeys…oh, my, now she's got me calling them that. That's not good. I should say instead that she met the magnificent King and Queen of the noble were-monkeys. You don't see anyone behind me looking angry, do you? No? Well, that is a relief. In any case, these characters met, and were about to speak to one another when the chapter ended. I shall let them do that very thing whilst you sip your tea.
*********************************************************************************************
Bulma was beginning to feel like her face was going to freeze into a permanent mask as she waited for any member of the trio of Saiyans to speak. There were few things more embarrassing than appearing before royalty in your travel clothing with unkempt hair. She sighed inwardly. They would burn holes in her at this rate with those eyes of theirs.
"Blue-Haired Woman."
Bulma looked over at the prince, who had finally been the one to shatter the gloomy silence. "My name is Bulma-the-Beautiful Briefs, if it please you, or just the Honorable Bulma, or Miss Bulma. Not Blue-Haired Woman."
"Brooma? Feh. What kind of name is that?"
"BULMA. It's a family name, meaning – oh, never mind what it means. Still, you should be able to pronounce it correctly."
"Why should I bother?"
"Because you don't want to seem like a crass idiot, that's why!"
"If you want to be killed on the instant, keep screeching at me, lowly Human."
He turned his back to her, as he had earlier. Bulma closed her eyes and counted to ten, and then ten once more. He's awful! So rude and haughty. I am taking off twelve points for his behavior. Any more, and I'll have to consider him a loss and go home, but not before I find out what this prophecy is. I'm very curious about that. "I'm only pointing out the truth to you. And if you kill me, your prophecy, whatever it is, will be void. Nyah!"
King Vegeta interrupted them with a snort. "No one will be killing anyone here. Human, come share a meal with us, and we shall tell you of the Prophecy and the Book."
With a small sigh, Bulma let her anger subside. She had no one who was capable of defending her against the Saiyans anyway, so she was going to have to play it smart and be as polite as possible. At the moment, they viewed her as a lower class of person, and that sat ill with her. They might be an especially strong race, but that didn't make them better than someone as smart and as gorgeous as she was. She followed where the three led, through a curtained-off passage to the left hand side of the hall. Here there were guards as well, two of them. They both stared at her curiously as she passed by in the wake of their superiors. One right turn later, and they were at a marvelous flight of marble stairs, reddish-tan in color. Up they went, the young woman beginning to feel more and more out of place in her surroundings with her casual clothing and knapsack. Two floors and one confusing, twisty passage later, they arrived at an open door through which enticing aromas were emitting. They went inside.
**** **** ****
While Bulma was being shown to her destination, Goku had been taken down a corridor, and from there, down a level to what he assumed was the basement. He walked after the silent servant with questions swirling through his brain. A father? I have a father? And maybe more relatives besides. It's unbelievable. I hope Miss Bulma will be all right with those Saiyans. That prince looked like he wanted to hurt her. He'd better not try anything, or I'll make him pay.
"Here you are," said the servant. "Go inside now, I have more to do than just stand around with you all day. Bardock won't eat you." He walked away, leaving Goku staring at a gray metal door, which was open only a crack.
Goku scratched his head. Well, nothing ventured meant he'd stand out here all day and get hungry. He knocked on the door.
"Come in quickly, so you can leave just as quickly, whoever you are!" a not unpleasant-sounding tenor voice called.
"Okay, I'm coming in!" Not the greatest welcome he'd ever had. The Spargatian pushed the door wide, and went in, and almost fell over in shock, for sitting at a workbench was a man who could have been his twin. Hair, face, everything was eerily similar, except for the scars that slashed down his face, one on each side. His skin was darker also, but the resemblance to himself – amazing.
"Turles? What the hell happened to you? Why are you wearing those damn ugly clothes?" the Saiyan asked him, his black eyes suspicious. "No, wait, you're not Turles…could it be? You're…"
"Who's this Turles guy everyone keeps talking about?" Goku interrupted. "I'm not him. My name's Goku, but the king asked me the same thing. I guess he must look like me a lot, huh?"
The Saiyan shook his head in amazement. "A lot does not even begin to measure it. You look near as much like him as you do to me, which can only mean one thing – you are Kakarrot, my lost son, and the time of the Prophecy is at hand." He stood up. "I have had visions of you before, but you were younger then. I did not know you were on this Earth, though I should have suspected. How else would you arrive here to help us?" He pointed to a chair opposite the workbench. "Well, sit down over there while I finish fixing my armor. Damn breastplate's got a dent in it again." He picked up a small hammer-like instrument and began tapping on the object on the table.
Goku went and sat down with a thump. This Bardock man really is my father. I never thought about what it would be like to have a papa of my own. Until I met Chi-Chi, I was used to being alone once Grandpa…died. Wait – Chi-Chi! I forgot about her. Uh oh. He sniffed the air. All he could smell at the moment was smoke from a fire that was burning elsewhere in the room, but he knew she was around here someplace, maybe even in the palace. I've got to find her! "Um, father?"
"What, boy?"
"My wife's here somewhere, but I don't know where. Have you seen a lady with long black hair and a young child in the palace?"
"A Human?"
"Half-Human, but she looks all-Human."
"That sounds like the new cook Radditz hired last week. She braved the Carnivorous Trees with a frying pan, and made them cower before her. Then she came to the castle and said that she needed employment where her talents would be appreciated. I haven't seen much of her or her whelp since then. Radditz is your older brother, by the way, and Turles is your cousin, my sister's son."
Goku blinked. "I'm glad she's here, but I don't understand why she came to Vegetable, out of any place in the world she could have chosen."
Bardock gave his armor one more tap, and got to his feet, pushing back the bench as he did so. "What I'd like to know is why the girl left you in the first place."
Goku rocked back on his heels. "Uh. It was because she thought I fought too much and didn't stay at home like I should. She said it was a bad influence on Gohan. He's our son."
"I'm pleased to hear that you are a Saiyan at heart, though you have a way about you that is not at all warlike. It's your face, boy; you have a stupid Human expression pasted on it."
"I thought I was a Human until just a little while ago," Goku answered. "My grandpa told me I used to have a mean face and was a bad, angry child when I was really young, but that I hit my head on a rock when I fell off a cliff, and it changed me into a happy child."
The older Saiyan winced. "Brain damage, undoubtedly. I've heard of that happening before. In the old days, they would have put you down for that. You'll have to adjust to things around here if you plan to stay, and that means acting like a true warrior."
"That'll be no problem for me. I like to fight. Can we go find my Chi-Chi now?"
Bardock shrugged. "Why not? I'll tell you about the Prophecy on the way to the kitchens."
**** **** ****
Bulma was in a state of near shock as she sat at the table in the King's Private Dining Room. They all eat as much as Goku. It's astounding. Over the past half hour since they'd entered the room, there had been no conversation, but truly astounding amounts of food had disappeared. As for herself, she had eaten more than enough of the delicious and varied meal, and had mentioned the supreme talent of their chef. All she'd received in reply was a smile from the queen, and the sounds of food being devoured at a speedy rate. Oh, well, at least they had much better table manners than Goku did. The queen had even pointed her to a room where she could freshen up before dinner was served, meaning that they weren't complete barbarians. She sipped her wine, and waited for them to finish, hoping it would not be too long before she got to hear about why she was part of one of their people's prophecies.
The king put down his fork at last. "You want to learn of the Prophecy, do you?" Taking the Human girl's assent for granted, he went on. "In our family, we have had for some centuries a magical Book that gives us hints as to the future. Written by a mad priest long dead, it continues to aid us during times of difficulty. It has warned us of dangers that would have otherwise wiped out the entire Saiyan race. We found our way to this planet with the help of the Book, yet our earlier troubles are not consigned to the past. Do you know much of our arrival on this Earth?"
Bulma shook her head. "I know that you were referred to as the Strong Men, you came from a warlike planet, you were escaping from a tyrant with extraordinary powers, and you took these wooded territories where no others dared to live for your own." She deliberately left out her knowledge of the fact that the king had been defeated in a game of cards shortly after his arrival.
"Ah. Yes. Well, we came here after a long period of time in which we were forced, because we were not strong enough to rebel, to purge planets of all life for the ever-powerful Freeza. He is a bastard of bastards, born of a cold, lizard-like race. We had no plans to leave our planet Vegetasei, but only considered ways in which we could defeat the monster that held us hostage. It was twenty-one years ago that Bardock returned from a patrol, cursed with tormented visions of the future. He tried to tell me that Freeza was planning to annihilate us all, but I did not listen at that time, in my pride. Nor did I consult the Book. It was as if it did not occur to me. It was only later that I understood the nature of Bardock's curse. He could tell us of his visions, but no one would believe him. Even now, if we are not reminded of his abilities by my mate, who seems to be the only one even temporarily immune, we forget." He paused briefly in order to drain his wine glass then resumed speaking.
"Somehow, the Book found its way to the queen by supernatural means, and forced her to read its words. When she saw them, she realized that Bardock's words were true, and brought this to my attention. We made plans, but the arrival of Freeza on our planet delayed them. He had heard rumors that we were restless and on the verge of rebellion, and so he asked for the training of the prince. I did not know what else to do, for we needed to buy time, and I realized that he would kill us all on the instant if he was not given his way. My only son, I lent to him." His eyes filled with shadows as he said these words, and he breathed a harsh sigh.
"Go on, old man, if you really think she needs to hear this sordid tale," Prince Vegeta said.
The queen shifted in her chair. "I think she must hear some of it, for the Book tells us the entire future of all Saiyans depends on her and the Five Companions. We will have to trust her."
Bulma closed her eyes, attempting to bring herself back to some semblance of calm and normalcy. Her heart was beating far too hard at the moment. Their entire future depends on me, a rustic who's really a Saiyan, a Demon Prince, a former bandit, a former pizza deliveryman, and a small, flying shapeshifter? Now I can't leave - at least not until this is all over and done with. Drat. I don't want to be stuck helping violent people who think I'm lowly. That's just tacky, and they shouldn't expect it of me. They're fortunate I'm so kind and gently bred, and can't stand the thought of unfortunates in trouble. It's the only reason I am going to stay. I wonder if I could get them to let me study a cross-section of their population while I'm here. I'm going to need something practical to take back with me, when, if, if, when I go, something that will have made this journey worthwhile.
The prince shrugged. "Tell her." He folded his arms across his chest and stared at Bulma with cold eyes. She glared back at him.
The king sighed and began again. "Very well. My son was taken hostage by Freeza, and trained in his ways. We knew we had little time to save our people, so we began to send them away in ships, a thousand or so at a time. Our population was never large, so we hoped that we would be able to allow everyone to escape to a planet with a climate not unlike our own. So, it was here that the ships were guided, while the queen and I and a few others planned how to rescue the prince. It was six months before we found a way to retrieve him, but Nappa, Radditz, Bardock, and a team of three others snatched him from one of the tyrant's bases while on a purging mission and fled with him. By that time, Vegetasei was empty of all life. I do not know what happened then, but I can only imagine Freeza blew it to pieces in his anger. And that is why we now inhabit these lands, though our tenure here is most unstable."
"You were lucky to escape this icky lizard, weren't you?" Bulma asked the prince.
"You know nothing, and we have escaped nothing."
"Well! I was simply expressing concern. See if I do that again." A slight movement to her right caught her eye, and she saw that the queen was smiling at her, seemingly pleased. She likes it when I answer him sharply?
"Human female," continued the king, "let me tell you of the Prophecy now, and you will see why my son is so cynical. For, indeed, we have not escaped the Greatest Evil, and it is even now on its way to us. It was a surprise to me that Freeza did not pursue us, but indeed he did not. As soon as we had become settled here and rebuilt our palace, we brought out the Book again. The Prophet ghost who writes it warned us that our days would be pleasant until the twenty-sixth year of the prince's existence. He insisted that the prince wait to mate until the arrival of the Blue-Haired Woman, who would be coming to find him along with the Five Companions shortly before the Greatest Evil descended upon us."
"What? You've known I was coming here for twenty years? That hardly seems possible. I knew nothing about the prince until my father showed me a magazine article yesterday. How eerie. Just a second - wait to mate? What exactly do you mean by that?"
"He means that the Book says that I have to mate with you or no one. And it has been enforced most strictly by the Ones." The prince stared at her blackly as he spit out the words.
Bulma thought all this was a bit much to take in at one time. "Mate? As in marry?" So, she had a ready-made husband if she wanted, and she would never have expected that to happen. She thought she would at least have needed to charm him, not that the Ones would have already selected her for him. And he wasn't pleased by it at all. She wasn't sure she was either. He'd lost a lot of points on the Eligible Male Scale earlier on, and she doubted he'd stop being rude to her any time soon. Ones, what am I going to do?
"More or less," Queen Cressika replied, picking up her wine glass. "We choose one with whom to live the rest of our lives, and to have offspring with, but otherwise, it is not based on the kinds of emotions you Humans seem to need to feel when you take mates or marry, as you call it."
"And mate as in the actions that produce offspring," added the prince sourly.
Bulma blushed. "Oh. I see. Thank you for explaining that." She wasn't sure what to think about that at all. The Ones had made him wait for her in more ways than one, it would seem. But he didn't even want her. She'd never had anyone look at her with such disgust before, except for the Dwarves, and it wasn't like she would have wanted to marry any of them. Oh, well. At least he hadn't called her strange looking, but his negative reaction to her tempted her to prove to him that she hadn't been courted by over a hundred suitors for nothing.
"Vegeta-son, you should take her to visit the Book now, and then escort her to her rooms to rest when you are finished. If you have any other questions, Bulma-Human, you may ask my son. We will see you tomorrow."
It was a definite dismissal by the queen, and Bulma rose to her feet. Not much for lengthy after dinner conversations, are they?
The prince stood also. "Hurry, Woman!" he said, opening the door and walking out.
The "Woman" attempted to put lash marks on his back with her angry eyes. "It's Bulma-the-Beautiful to you, rude boy."
"Hurry, or your name will be of no concern to anyone because you will be dead."
"I think not, because we've already established that if I die, you die. Hurry, hurry, hurry indeed. I think that has to be one of the few words in your limited vocabulary, as far as I can tell. You need to learn better manners, because you have no idea about how to treat a lady properly." But she followed him anyway when he snarled at her under his breath, almost getting her hand shut in the door by an overeager guard, who'd rushed to close it before she'd made it completely through. Imagine owning a magical book written by a mad ghost – she looked forward to seeing it immensely – from a safe distance.
Behind her, the king and queen turned to one another. "What do you think?" King Vegeta asked of his mate, his face no longer impassive. "There is too much she still does not know about him. It will undoubtedly cause problems. And, she is weak, though she appears to have a strong spirit."
The queen's eyes danced. "I think she will do perfectly for him in the end. There has been a dead place inside Vegeta-son for so long. I see already that she wakes his interest, though he, being an oblivious type of male at present, much like his father, is not yet aware of it." She smirked at her mate as she said this, knowing he would never let her comment pass him by. "If we live through the coming of the Greatest Evil, she may give him what he needs most."
"And what is that – sex?" The king rose from his chair on the opposite side of the table, and stalked over to her. He loomed above her as he spoke again. "I see you have chosen to forget that I noticed you first. When we were children, I knew that you would be the one to give me what I needed most when I came of age. I was never oblivious to you."
"I see you have also chosen to forget that I noticed you as soon as you noticed me. So bold, so confident and strong you were at that tournament. Of course I cannot compare your level of obliviousness to that of our son, can I? And what is it you needed of me most? Is it what you need most of me now?" She raised a hand to caress his arm, smiling with lazy amusement. "Perhaps a small training session, since Vegeta-son did not see fit to invite me to the earlier melee. Yes, perhaps that is what you need."
"Training be damned, Sika, what I need now is a second dessert!" said the king with a wicked smile. And he scooped her from the chair and bore her off to the next room while she laughed uproariously.
********************************************************************************************
My Dearest Readers, how I have awaited your return to today's Chapter Ending Paragraph. I am pleased to see that Our Heroine survived her meeting with the terrible Saiyan Trio, but how will she deal with the Book? Please await further developments with your usual sterling patience, and I shall speak with you again soon. Happy days and nights! Yours Broodingly, Timaeus the Glib.
A/N: Is it just me, or is there a lot of eating going on in this fic so far? ^_~ You know, I thought this story was going to top out at fourteen chapters originally, but it looks like my muses have other ideas, so who knows? At least I know exactly where it's going, if not exactly how long it'll take to get there. Not forever, I promise. ^__^ I'll try to get the next chapter out faster, though. I should probably take this fic out of the parody category, as it isn't really parodying anything in particular at the moment. Too bad they don't have a Fantasy Romance with Odd Humor category. ^_~ As always, thanks for reading, thanks for reviewing!
