Goodbye
by Apple-chan
Disclaimer: insert witty
disclaimer remark here
AnnaXYoh. A look at what happened right before
Yoh left for America. Was supposedly only 2-part, but is now
3-part.
Spoilers: For episode 25 of the Anime
Warnings: Utter
weirdness. Lots of utter weirdness.
Others: OOC-ish. Or completely OOC.
Yoh is...very weird here. I mean, seriously weird.
Same scenes as the
first part, only this time, it's in Yoh's POV.
Part Two: Yoh
Wait for Me
I gave her a sidelong glance as I brushed my
teeth.
Less than two days. You'll be leaving in less than two days,
Asakura Yoh.
The day after tomorrow, I would be on a plane, on my way
to America with my Shaman friends. The second preliminaries were to take place
on a village known as Patch, somewhere in that country called
America.
America.
I wonder how far exactly it was from
Japan?
I wonder how far exactly Patch Village is from
Funbarigaoka?
I sighed as I continued brushing my teeth. Probably
farther than I would have the patience to count. I can't even distinguish north
from south in a map.
I wonder how long it would take, that plane ride
from here to America...
I wonder how long before we're able to
find Patch Village. I mean, the organizers gave us three months to find it.
Just how difficult can finding one village be?
I don't know. As I said, I
can't even read a map right. Ren and the guys know how to read a map, though. At
least, I sincerely hope they do.
Well...that's reassuring, somehow. I
think.
I gazed up at the clock. Two more minutes before I rinse my mouth.
Brushing teeth really takes time. A minimum of five minutes per session, and
three times brushing session a day. That's fifteen minutes of time spent only on
brushing teeth. But tooth-brushing is very vital to the health of the teeth, and
thus, the health of the body. And for that reason, it should never been taken
lightly. Or so Anna says.
Anna.
I almost forgot about
her.
No...I didn't 'almost forgot'. She had always been there, lurking at
the back of my...heart. I was just...scared to think about her.
Not
because I'm scared of her. Okay, so maybe that's part of the reason. Alright,
alright, so maybe half the reason I try not to think about her, and kept the
thought of her at the back of my heart, was because I was dead scared of
her.
I was scared that if I showed any emotion concerning her, she
would...she would kill me. Well, not really kill me, but you know--hurt me a lot
for me to wish I was dead if I ever did anything...tried anything at all to show
that...well...that I was going to miss her.
The other half reason as to
why I try not to think of her, and of leaving her, is because...it...hurt. A
lot.
How many months, exactly, would I be gone, after all? Three? Five?
Half a year? Maybe...a whole year?
Just thinking about not having her
around for, say, a couple of days, made me feel...incomplete.
Somehow.
And just thinking about leaving her...well, I already said that,
didn't I? That it hurt. Thinking of waking up in the morning and not seeing her
with me hurt. Thinking of sleeping at night without the assurance that she would
be in the other room hurt.
And the thought that...that there's a
possibility that, in less than two days, when I say goodbye to her, it might be
the last time I will see her...that hurt.
It's so nice to think
positively. That I'll be back. That everything will be alright,
somehow.
That when I come back, she would be there, waiting for
me.
And I will come back.
But I might not.
That's why I try
not to think of her. Of leaving her. Because thinking of leaving her gave me
pain, and thinking of that pain, makes me remember that there's that fifty
percent chance that I might not come back. To her.
It was hard, like
this. Half of me wanted to smile and say to her that "I will win and I'll come
back," while the other half wanted to just...I don't know. Do something.
Anything. Anything to make me remember her. Anything to make me go on for a
while without her there physically with me. Anything.
I gave her another
sidelong glance as I finished brushing my teeth. I rinsed my mouth. Then I gazed
at the clock.
Exactly five minutes. Great.
Less than two days
before I leave for America.
Less than two days, and I still hadn't been
able to say goodbye. To her.
I mean, as my fiancée, and with all the
training and everything she had given me, I owe her at least that much, before I
leave.
And I owe it to myself, as well.
I needed something to
remember her by. I will be leaving, but I was going to come back. And I need to
have a memory of what I was going back for.
-Who- I was going back for.
Gathering up the last bit of my courage, I spoke.
"Anna..."
"What?" She glared at me. I cringed. So much for that. Why
was she so angry...?
Is it because...I haven't said goodbye to her
yet...?
"Ah...ano...you...want to take a walk with...me...?" I asked
with hesitation. Please say yes, say yes, say yes...
"Walk?" She
repeated.
I nodded. As I examined her face, I heaved a sigh of relief.
At least she wasn't glaring anymore. Good. Omedetto, Asakura Yoh, I
thought, patting myself at the back mentally.
"In this weather?" Oh
no. Is that hesitation I hear from her voice...? I hope to God not. I mean, it
was cold, but it wasn't that cold...
Was it...?
Oh, never
mind. "Uh-huh," I smiled. It was the only thing I could do to not look like an
idiot. But maybe I already looked like an idiot before I even started to speak.
Ah, well. Why would it matter, anyway? Anna already thinks YOU'RE an idiot,
so it's an irrelevant subject to think about...
A number of
conflicting emotions flashed across her pretty face. God, she's pretty.
Beautiful, in fact...so beautiful that I...
Wait, hold on a
second...
Conflicting emotions on her face...?
That's...that's...the Kyouyama Anna I know has a poker face that's very hard to
crack, so why...
Is there something wrong with
her...?
"Anna?" I tried. I called her.
She seemed to snap back
into focus. Poker face was back in full flash. But she was still lost in
thought, I could tell.
Not for long, though. "Okay." She said. Poker face
still in check.
Wait...she said okay? She actually
agreed?
Omedetto gozaimasu, Asakura Yoh. Great job. "Great!" I
could feel the excitement that was probably written on my whole face. As I went
to my room to get some warm clothes, I could have sworn I saw a hint of an
expression on her face.
A smile...that made her so
beautiful...
Now I understand why she never smiled at me much lately.
If, at any point before I left, she smiles at me directly, I don't think I would
be able to leave at all.
I don't think I would ever want to leave. Who
would? Seeing her smile like that was probably better than being Shaman
King.
*~*~*~*~*~*
So peaceful, this lake. And so
beautiful, at night. Even at this cold weather.
And her.
I didn't
risk a glance at her, but instead, I leaned across the railings and stared out
at the lake, and at the sky. At the periphery of my eyes I saw her, and I knew
she was standing right next to me.
I don't think anything else would
be more perfect than this...
"Three months, isn't it?" Her soft,
lilting voice broke my reverie.
The journey to Patch Village. That was
what she was talking about. I gazed at her, and with a nod, I said, "Three
months to get to Patch Village..." I murmured the last couple of syllables to
the lake. I couldn't look at her anymore, not when she was looking at me like
that.
Not when she was looking at me like it would be a long time before
she gets to see me again.
Not when she was looking at me like all of that
mattered to her.
Like I--and my forthcoming absence in her life--mattered
to her.
A long silence followed.
Less than two days, Asakura
Yoh.
That's still plenty of time. Plenty of time to say
goodbye.
But...how can I say goodbye...when I don't even want to
leave...?
If you look at it in a more...negative way, there was only
a whole day and several hours before I leave. To be more precise, A whole day
and an hour and fifteen minutes. And five seconds.
Okay--a whole day, an hour, and fifteen minutes flat now.
You need
to say goodbye now. Now. Why did you even ask her for a walk?
I'm
entitled to that. I can take her for a walk every now and then, can't I? I'll be
marrying her someday, after all. She -is- my fiancée, after
all.
But there was a reason that you asked her for a walk right
now.
No, there is no reason. I just felt like taking a walk with
her.
No, you don't. If this was any ordinary day, you'll be too
scared to do something like this.
Hmm. You're
right.
Admit it already. You want to say goodbye to
her.
Yeah, I do. I want to say goodbye to her.
Good.
So, what are you waiting for? Do it already!
Right,
right.
But I don't want to leave.
And I don't want
to say goodbye.
But I have to.
How do you say
goodbye?
"Yoh." Anna. Anna is talking. She's talking to
me.
"Yeah?" I looked at her questioningly. I didn't want to look at her,
but I did anyway.
And I couldn't look away after that. I just continued
to gaze at her, examine her profile, her eyes, her face, her
movements...
"I..." She seemed to be struggling against some inner
turmoil. "I..." Her body trembled.
"You cold?" I asked.
She
nodded.
Let's see. I know there's a vending machine around here
somewhere...there it is. I went to it, fished a couple of yen from my
jacket's pockets, and bought some tea.
I tossed one of the cans towards
her. She had sat down at one of the benches. I remained standing, watching her.
She gazed at the tea, then at me. Then she rubbed the can against her cheek
gently. "Warm..." she murmured softly.
God...is anything more perfect
than seeing her like this?
Now I REALLY don't wanna leave.
But
she'd probably kill me if I told her that. "You were saying?"
She looked
up at me, surprised. No more poker face. I felt like I was seeing a whole new
different Anna--an Anna who showed her emotions.
I like it.
"I...Yoh, I..." She was struggling for words to say to me. This is the first
time I've seen her tongue-tied. And with ME, at that.
Maybe because
it's YOU.
Well, that's reassuring. I nodded at her, asking her
to go on, continue with what she was saying.
She looked at me. And I mean
looked, straight into my eyes.
Okay, I can die right about
now...
"If you lose, I will never forgive you."
I was startled
by that. Not exactly what I was hoping for. But hey, this is Anna. I'll take
what I can get. "I know. I won't lose." I said with a grin.
"Good." She
smiled, and I knew I said the right thing.
She started to stand up, and
at that second, I knew our walk--and our talk--was over.
"We should be
getting home. It's late." She stood up completely, brushed something off her
skirt, and turned towards the direction of the house.
Wait...wait.
Wait!
I haven't even said goodbye yet!
Stupid, stupid,
idiot, idiot Asakura Yoh. Waiting until the last minute. You don't even know how
to say goodbye to her, do you?
It doesn't matter, I shot
back at the voice that keeps interfering with my thoughts. Not anymore. I
don't have any more time left. I have to do something...say goodbye, in whatever
possible way. Say goodbye in a way that would make her remember me...a way that
would make me remember her...a way for us to remember each
other...
Something. Anything.
I took a step towards her
retreating back. It's now or never. I took a step closer.
And
closer...
And closer...until I was standing directly behind her, my front
only a mere millimeter away from her back.
Upon reflex, or instinct, I
don't know. But at next second, my arms were around her in a warm,
possessive,--almost frantic--embrace.
And I felt her body rest against mine.
Minutes passed like seconds.
Seconds disappeared into nothingness.
Time stood still. Or so it seemed,
to me. To both of us.
And I could feel my heart pounding. Or was
that...her heart?
It was pounding frantically, almost...almost...like it
was crying.
Like she was crying.
She was crying. She was really
crying.
Yoh. Say something. Say something, quickly.
Anything...
I had no indecision. "You can slap me now if you want," I
said softly, almost reverently. "I don't care. But this is the only time I'll
get to do this. I need to do this before I leave. I want to remember you. I want
to remember what I'm coming back for. "
-Who- I'm coming back for, I thought.
But I didn't say it out loud.
She didn't answer, but I didn't feel her
struggling either. Dear god, I hope she wouldn't break away from my
embrace.
She didn't.
"Are you angry with me?" I had to ask. I
wondered if she was.
She shook her head. I heaved a sigh of relief.
"Good." More than good, I thought. Wonderful. I wrapped my arms
around her tighter, savoring the feel of her against me.
THIS was
heaven.
How can I even leave her after this? I
wondered.
"Yoh..." She touched my arms...and my hands. But she didn't
pull away. She touched my arms and hands like she wanted them there, around
her.
Like she wanted me to embrace her.
And never let
go.
"Anna...?" I wonder what she wanted to say.
"I..." An indrawn
breath. "I..." She was struggling for words again. And I never really thought
ANNA would ever struggle for words to say to ME.
"What is it, Anna?" I
gazed at her face from where I am. My face was so close to hers...
She
shook her head. The tears...were still falling down her
face..."Just...just...come back to me, okay?" Her voice cracked a bit while she
said that.
She said that...like she wanted me to come back.
Which
means, she had already accepted that I was going to leave. And she was ready for
it.
And upon hearing that--maybe I am, too.
I'm ready to
leave. I know she would be waiting for me. Waiting for my return.
And
I smiled. "I will." I embraced her even tighter. "Of course I
will."
And you'd better be there when I get back.
You'd better
wait for me.
"Yoh."
"Yeah?"
"I..." She paused. Very
briefly. "I'll miss you."
I think that was what she was trying to tell me
all this time. That was why she was struggling so much. She didn't want to tell
me she was going to miss me.
I gave a little chuckle. "I'll miss you
too."
I could swear I heard a faint laugh from her. I don't think she
even noticed.
We stood there, for a while, with me holding her, and her
leaning against me.
The sound of her heartbeat against mine was strangely
comforting. It was beating the same way, like it was...feeling the same thing my
heart was feeling.
And she didn't need to say it. I knew it. I felt
it.
Just come back to me...a faint whisper, coming from her
heart.
Wait for me, my heart answered.
Wait for
me.
TSUZUKU.
Replies:
yuri maxwell = Ne, no one can stop writer's blocks, can they? But I sure as hell am glad I'm not getting it lately.=) Uhm...the only inspiration I have for this fic is Yoh. Yoh, and Anna, no one else. =) Anyway, thanks for reviewing, yuri-chan! Hopefully you'll get to read this before it disappears from the first page of the Shaman King fic list here in ff.net!=)
syaoran no hime = Thanks for reviewing! Hope you didn't get too embarassed at the Internet Cafe *laughs* Ne, don't we ALL wish this was what really happened in the anime...? That's the reason why I made this fic. Glad you liked it. And uhm...about Hao...*looks around* I'm thinking of writing something with him in it...watch out for that.=)
Kataru = *nods in agreement*
WithoutMorals-Revived = Glad you liked it. Thanks for the review!=)
falala wuteva/GoddessLD/MomoiroRyuu/anna asakura/KiraX105 = Here you go--second part! Thanks for reviewing!=)
da*mouse = Thanks for the review. I'm glad you think I portrayed Anna well. I sure hope the same goes for my portrayal of Yoh...although I do think this Yoh POV is very weird...but that's just me.=)
Unmei = I'm no expert on writing, but the authors of the books I've read are (or so I think). One of my main influences in my style is uhm...V.C. Andrews. Unfortunately, she's dead.=( But Flowers in the Attic is a very good book. My style is kind of like it. Anyway, thanks for the review!=)
End notes:
Updated July 14, 2003 along with the first part--just the notice above, and the third to the last line below. And the "owarimashita" was changed to "tsuzuku," for very obvious reasons.^^
Yoh is so smitten. Yoh is so in LOVE. Yoh is so WEIRD when he's in LOVE. Enough said.=)
The voice inside Yoh's head is not as annoying as the voice inside Anna's head. That's because Yoh doesn't fight with the voice inside his head much. He usually agrees with it. Anna, on the other hand, is always fighting with the voice inside her head.=)
There's a certain part in the Anime where Yoh was reading a map and he asks the guys which way north was in the map.=) I added that bit of info here as a bonus. That part was really funny.
The tooth-brushing thing: eh...well, for a lack of a better um...filler for
that part. The five-minute bit was the first thing that came into my mind while
writing that part. And it's true, by the way--minimum of five minutes in
brushing teeth, yada-yada. I heard that from my dentist.=)
Thanks for all
the reviews for the first chapter. It's confirmed. This is officially now a
3-part fic. Yeah.
I hope you all enjoyed this part. Because I enjoyed writing it. Yes, I
did.=)
Reviews will be very much appreciated.
