Mulder and Scully go to Hogwarts.
Because I said so. Shut up.
I do not own Mulder. *sniff* oh well. I do not own Scully. I do not own Hogwarts. *sniff* Disclaimers are always so sad…
Mulder and Scully were tromping through a field in Scotland.
"Why on Earth are we in Scotland, Mulder?" said Scully.
"Oh, the usual trail of rumors, legends, ghosts, and disappearances; things that don't exist," said Mulder. "So if they don't exist, maybe we're not really in Scotland."
"I mean," said Scully, "that this country is not in our jurisdiction. We are with the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Mulder. So what are we doing here? And how are we going to explain two return tickets to Scotland in our expense account?"
"Don't worry. It all makes sense," Mulder said. "I mean, more than usual." Scully raised her eyebrows. "Well, the guys over here, Scotland Yard, right? They were really confused by these disappearances, and they didn't know what to do. They tried psychic investigators and everything, but they could only say that it felt like the people had, indeed, simply vanished without a trace."
"The psychics said they vanished without a trace? They usually just make something up!"
"I'd have to agree with you there, but maybe this time they got some good psychics."
"Good psychics? Pah!"
They tromped through the field some more. They were wearing rubber boots. Scully hoped that the gunk she was stepping in was just mud. "Fat chance," she muttered to herself as they passed some large dirty sheep.
"Oh, I say, over here, you two!" said a large, round, red voice. As they approached, they saw that it belonged to a large, square, pale person in a black overcoat.
"Did he just say, 'Oh, I say!'?"
"Yes, Mulder."
"Are you those chaps from America who have come to help us with this puzzle?" said the voice, which seemed to imply that it was wearing a brightly colored argyle sweater, despite its owner's black trenchcoat.
"Did he just call us 'chaps'?"
"Yes, Mulder."
Mulder pulled out his badge. "Special Agents Mulder and Scully of the FBI."
Scully showed hers as well. "What's the story? Mulder tells me people have been disappearing without a trace."
"Well, yes, they do seem to be," said the officer. "It's that building over there, you see." He pointed to a small, ancient stone tower. It looked like it had once been part of a defensive wall. Beyond it, on top of a small mountain, were the ruins of a huge castle. "We got some reports of strange disturbances in this field. Farmer complained that they were frightening his sheep. We came here to investigate, and the thing is, a couple of officers went to search the tower, and they never came back. We sent in two more, and they couldn't find a trace of the others. There was only this strange metalwork and inscription on the wall. It gave them the creeps. We can't figure out where the men've got to. And the same thing happened to one of the psychic investigators we brought in."
"Well, that's…pretty weird," said Scully.
"These disturbances," said Mulder. "Were they the kind of thing that might have been caused by extraterrestrial activity?"
"Aliens? Who knows? Probably. You get that kind of thing sometimes 'round here. But it hasn't happened again, and all the sheep are still here, so that's all that matters." Scully looked at him funny. "But the missing officers, that's my concern, and I suspect it has to do with the inscription on the wall in there."
"Why?" asked Scully. "What's it say?"
"Here, let me show you."
They walked to the little stone tower. The door was bronze, and still intact, which was odd considering the ruin of the rest of it. When the officer opened it for them, a magical golden light shone through the place where the ceiling used to be. A golden rod, like a handrail, was set into the walls all around the little round room. There was some on the door too, but it was interrupted by a golden hourglass set between its ends. Words were carved into the wall in front of them. The Golden Circle of Magical Childhood, they said. Step inside and turn back time.
They stared at it.
"I don't believe this," said Scully.
"Whoa," said Mulder.
"So, Mulder, how do you explain this?"
"Well, besides the obvious, that there's truly some kind of occult force at work here, it might be…uh…an alien device built to vaporize those who are too curious to suit their treacherous plan to take over the world?" Mulder said.
Now the officer looked at him funny.
Scully quickly said, "So you say that the officers who investigated this building after the disappearance, themselves entered it, found nothing, and exited again? Nothing happened to them?"
"No, Ma'am," he said. "They were quite all right."
"And has the building been searched for bombs and electronic devices?"
"Yes, it has. Nothing's turned up."
"Hmm. Well, I guess there's only one thing to do. Come on, Mulder, let's check it out."
They walked into the building and looked around. Nothing happened.
"I think we're supposed to do something else," said Mulder. "The inscription says it's a golden circle. Maybe we have to complete the circle by closing the door." He did. Nothing happened.
"Now what?" said Scully, crossing her arms. "I suppose you think we ought to turn back time by turning the hourglass over?"
"Of course!" shouted Mulder, and did just that.
"Mulder, I…" shouted Scully, but it was too late. The world started spinning around them in a haze of color and motion.
