Chapter 19: Awake

                The next day the X-Men returned to the institute, their three remaining unconscious teammates held in separate rooms in the medical bay. Xavier explained to those involved how he'd repressed Carol for the second time, but there was a doubt that plagued each of their minds. The Professor apparently couldn't keep Carol dormant for good, so what was to stop her from taking over again? What if the next time it was for good and Rogue was lost forever?

                It was late at night, the only lights in the medical bay coming from the security lights in the lab and the dull glow of the monitoring equipment. Rogue had been brought back to dominance, but remained unconscious while she was recovering from her injuries - a bruised jaw, a couple of cracked ribs, and numerous other bumps and scrapes. Carol had certainly had her way with Rogue's body, and why not? Logan had tried to sneak in repeatedly to impart his healing factor to the girl, but was forbidden by Xavier. He had no way of predicting how she'd react to absorbing yet another entity.

                Rogue awoke to the all too-familiar sound of the beeping monitoring equipment, wincing. Every muscle in her body ached, unable to withstand Carol's use of enhanced speed and strength. The sting in her ribs was dulled slightly from painkillers. Unknowingly, she sat up, the rush of soreness nothing more than an overture to her semiconscious state. She unhooked the monitoring pads from her skin, and she stood from her bed.

                Where was she? What had happened? The amount of questions grew as she gazed emptily at the beds where Kurt and Scott lay, unmoving.

                She had no recollection of the events, but there was a deep, throbbing pain in her heart that told her she was responsible. She hadn't even the strength to form her expression into one of anguish. Before she realized it, she had wandered into Dr. McCoy's lab, two bright burning lights illuminating a tray of medical instruments. The stainless steel gleamed in the white light, the sharp edge of a scalpel cold, clean, and inviting.

                She was a danger to everyone around her, more so now than ever before. Her friends lay in hospital beds - what if she had killed them? She would never be free of Carol, of the people wanting to use her, manipulate her. She'd barely managed to cope with her lost sense of touch, but this was more than she could bear. More than anything, Rogue fervently swore that she'd gladly give up touching for the chance to feel like herself again.

                Idly, one bare hand reached out tentatively to brush the surface of the metal implement.

                Just then the door swung open and a slightly nervous looking Remy stepped in, carrying a dozen white roses. He'd spent his first hours back hustling to pay for them and he'd had to go against the Professor's wishes - not to mention Logan, who was still quite hostile at the thought of the Cajun being around Rogue - to bring them down to her. He thought it would be a nice surprise when she woke up, if she hadn't all ready. Though, when he saw her, he stopped dead, mouth slightly agape, not quite sure what to do or say.

                Rogue's head snapped up suddenly at Remy's entrance, a look of shame reflected in her eyes. Guiltily, she snatched her hand back, sending the tray of instruments crashing to the floor. She winced at the sound and obviousness of her actions, taking a few steps back like a child waiting to be scolded.

                And what had she been doing? Rogue pressed one bandaged palm to her forehead, struggling with her own thoughts. No, she didn't want to do that. It wasn't her idea, was it? It couldn't be - it was Carol's, or someone else's.. It had to be.

                Her gaze looked anywhere but at Remy, the pain from her injuries slowly resurfacing urgently.

                Remy sighed and walked toward her. He put an arm around her shoulders, without giving pause for her to resist, his hands gloved once again. He stood next to her and handed her the flowers.

                "Remy bought dese fo' yo', cheri... He t'ought he should 'pologize fo' havin' ta rough yo' up a bit... He jus' wan'ed ta help is all... Remy swear..."

                Rogue looked up, holding the bouquet gingerly, too afraid to touch them with her bare skin. Her mind focused back on the present. Remy was here, but she couldn't look at his face. It was a lovely gesture, a part of her realized, but her conscience was overridden with too many questions. She didn't even know what the occasion was for him to give her flowers. What happened?

                She drew in a painful breath, the scent of roses pervading her senses. Her voice was strained and faint. "What have Ah done ta them?.."

                Remy sighed and shook his head, then slowly started to guide her back toward her bed.

                "Oh, yo' didn' do nuttin', p'tite... Dat woman did it... Wasn' yo' fault none. We jus' didn' wan' ta hurt yo' too bad... Yo' gonna be all right, cher?" Remy was genuinely concerned, and it showed through.

                Rogue stopped moving, gripping his sleeve tightly. Her hands shook and her body trembled, and her expression was pained and shameful. The knowledge of what she had done, though not understanding really had her broken up.

                "No.. please. What happened? What did she make me do!"

                The Cajun frowned and rubbed her back gently. He did his best to comfort her, though he doubted it would help her take the news any better.

                "Remy'll tell yo', on one condition... Yo' gotta at least sit down, or maybe jus' raise de head of de bed up an' lay down some... Relax a bit, don' wan' yo' ta hurt yo'self any mo'. Den he tell yo'."

                Rogue didn't say anything, but appeared to have conceded. Carefully she sat back on the hospital bed, immediately regretting it as the pain in her ribs flared up. With a short gasp she leant back on one elbow, calculating her movement as not to aggravate her injuries. Giving up, she lay back down on the pillows, grateful for the momentary comfort.

                Remy grabbed a chair and took the flowers, setting them on her nightstand as he sat next to her bed. He took a breath and thought about how to phrase it properly, and then he went about relating the whole incident to her. How he'd found her up in her room, what had happened, the search, Pietro's visit, their journey to the Savage Lands to find her, and the ensuing battle. When all was said and done he took another deep breath and looked down at the floor.

                "Remy really hope yo' can fo'give him, p'tite... He jus' wan'ed ta help..."

                Rogue listened, staring at the ceiling. Thinking about all she had done under the control of that woman frightened her, and to think that the same person was right here, in her own head this very moment.. listening? She closed her eyes at the thought, willing it away. Turning her head to the side, she opened them to look at Remy. He'd seen everything. What he must think of her now.

                "There nothin' ta forgive.. "

                Remy gave a little smile and reached out to run a few of his gloved fingers over her cheek.

                "Well, den jus' humor him, huh? He didn' like havin' ta... yo' know... Tried his best ta not do too much damage..."

                He sighed and leaned back. The Professor had said the same thing, that he just did what he had to do. Still, it just didn't feel... right to him.

                "Then if it makes ya feel better, Ah forgive ya.."

                The pain in her body was overwhelming at times, true enough, but it was just that - pain of the body. She understood that they weren't fighting her, they were battling against Carol, whom she was sure didn't feel any of it. It wasn't that part of Remy's story that bothered her the most. She was silent for a long while before speaking, staring back up at the ceiling, expressionless.

                "She had control of my powers.." It was less of a question and more of a statement, but there was still uncertainty behind it.

                He didn't say anything. It was no small secret, at least to someone as experienced at reading people as Remy, that what she really wanted was to be normal. Not have to swim at night and keep her skin covered. If she could control her powers like that, she'd have it all. Somehow Carol had done it, and that had to tear her up inside.

                "Cher... Do yo' mind if Remy ask yo' somet'in... Yo' don' have ta ansah... He jus'... wan' ta ask..."

                Maybe if he changed the subject a bit it would help, and there was something that nagged at him.

                Rogue didn't really need to know the answer, given his reply. According to his story, Carol had a fair amount of control, and the thought made her numb inside. Weakly, her mind raged at Carol - she disallowed Rogue to see any of her memories, and she couldn't use her powers or abilities either. If only she could, she'd be able to control her own powers, wouldn't she?

                "Yeah?"

                Remy took a deep breath and steadied himself, though he kept his eyes averted. There were some things even he wasn't good at doing, and asking these kinds of questions was one of them... At least, unless they were in jest. This definitely wasn't.

                "Remy jus' wan'ed ta know... Wit' de t'ings dat happened aftah de pahty... was dat... Was dat jus' her actin', or..." He couldn't ask the rest of the question, but he hoped she understood. His hands clasped together nervously and he stared at them, having nothing else to look at.

                His query was greeted with a long silence. Rogue hadn't really thought about all that surrounded what Remy reported had happened after the party. Part of her denied it at first, it simply wasn't possible.. But Carol had a level of control she'd probably never be able to achieve. Rogue hadn't considered the event for what it was, either. She had absolutely no recollection of what Carol had done.

                And what exactly had she done, and what had made him go along with it? What he must think of her.. A renewed feeling of shame washed over her.

                "Ah don't remember any of it.. "

                He gulped and nodded, then chuckled a little nervously.

                "Course not... Don' know wha' Remy was t'inkin'... Nevah mind dat, cheri, i's nuttin'... Well, if yo' not remembahin' anyt'in', den Remy t'anks yo' again fo' de lovely pahty..." He still didn't look up, though his hands had stopped their nervous movement now.

                Rogue watched the ceiling, not daring to look his way for fear of what she would find there. She didn't understand the tone behind his voice, or what was going through his mind. She wasn't as good at reading people as he was. Tracing her memories back, she remembered the party, the dance they'd shared, and then a headache.. That must have been the start of it.

                "Ah'm sorry."

                Remy waved a hand and leaned back a bit then sighed.

                "Don' worry 'bout it, p'tite. Ain' nuttin at all... Aftah all, Remy jus' some swamp rat from down on de bayou, right?" He chuckled and stood up, a hand rubbing at the back of his neck. "Remy gonna let yo' get some rest... Yo' need it, aftah all..."

                "What is that supposed ta mean?"

                She was referring to his first comment, of course, about him being a swamp rat from the bayou. For some reason, it rubbed her the wrong way.

                Remy blinked and managed a confused glance at her as he thought back over his words.

                "Yo' mean 'bout needin' rest? He wan' tryin' ta insult yo' none, jus' t'ought yo' could use some healin' still... Da's all."

                She hesitated, intending to correct him before deciding against it. Sighing inwardly, she could feel the pain and exhaustion - both physical and emotional - catch up with her. Sleep was looking very appealing.

                "Nevermind.."

                He shrugged and gave her a little smile.

                "Sweet dreams, p'tite."

                He made a hasty exit after that, hands shoved firmly in his pockets. Remy needed to find something to do, anything to take his mind off of... everything. Hopefully he wouldn't run into Logan on his way out. That was just the last thing he needed.

                                                                        * * *

                After a few days Xavier, along with the help of the always-talented Hank McCoy, had managed to fabricate a device that would suppress Carol - at least for now, and hopefully in the future - as well as Rogue's other personae she'd absorbed. Along with several mental blocks the Professor felt quite confident that she would be fine. Though he told Rogue she still wouldn't be able to access the memories of what happened, or Carol's ability to disable Rogue's powers.

                The suppressor device was fixed into a pair of earrings - it was always best to have two, in case one malfunctioned - that Xavier instructed Rogue she should keep on at all times. That was the safest way. The first test was when he allowed Wolverine to lend her his healing factor, and things had gone well enough, Rogue still in control. The wounds in her hands healed, along with her ribs and assorted bruises. Doctor McCoy asked her to stay another night or two for observation, just in case, but after just a little over a week she was released.

                The others had regained consciousness and let go before her, though everyone came for frequent visits. Despite Kitty's prodding, though, Gambit had kept his distance for the remainder of the time. Mostly he sat in his room, either reading - he'd taken a liking to Poe - or tossing cards into a hat. When he wasn't doing that he watched TV, and politely refused any offer to gamble, though Bobby Drake had gotten his own cards soon enough. Of course, things were much more even-handed then, since Bobby couldn't hustle them, but it just wasn't really the same without the charismatic Cajun.

                During the rest of her time in the ward, Rogue found it hard to face Kurt, Scott, and the others she'd hurt. Facing Logan was especially hard - the uncharacteristically tender looks he had given her made her feel especially guilty. The entire situation had torn him the most, and he was firmer than ever in his resolve to watch over her. He couldn't allow her to be taken away again.

                Finally, though, assured of the forgiveness of her friends, Rogue was released from the ward and left to her own devices. The Professor asked her to attend daily sessions in his office for a while afterward, just to check on her. Kitty had brought her down some of her own clothes - a long dark grey skirt, a black tee shirt, and the same black arm length gloves she'd worn with her dress the night of the party. She didn't dwell on this fact, however. She wrapped a sheer black scarf around her neck, the ends trailing down her back.

                It was late morning when Rogue wandered out of the med bay and through the mansion, looking for any sign of life. Her feet eventually brought her to Remy's door, on which she knocked softly.

                Remy shuffled about inside before he finally opened the door enough to look out into the hall. When he saw it was Rogue he blinked, then again, before he eventually smiled and opened the door a bit more.

                "Hey dere, cheri, good ta see yo' up again... Yo' wanna come in? Remy ain' got no roommate, so yo' can jus' sit right down wherevah."

                He stood back from the door and revealed his room with the single bed, three chairs, a small black and white TV, several packs of cards lying around of different sorts, as well as a few books, a lamp on his bed side table, and a poster depicting a New Orleans swamp. Pretty sparsely decorated, really, and the bit of the bathroom that could be seen through the other door in the room, cracked, showed it was small and probably just as undecorated. His trench coat was thrown on the bed and his boots lay next to the foot of it. He was wearing just his jeans and a plain t-shirt.

                Rogue wandered inside, gazing around at the decoration, or lack thereof. What was she expecting, Mardi Gras lights like at the party? Not likely. She pulled up the sleeve of her glove self consciously, fingering the lace.

                "Nice room. Ya should consider yaself lucky not havin' a roommate. At least it stays clean."

                She didn't move to sit down - she'd been in a bed for a week. The last thing she wanted was to sit still. Instead she walked over to the window, gazing out at the view it afforded him.

                "Ah haven't seen ya in a while. Been busy?"

                He shrugged and closed the door, then just leaned against the wall and slid his hands into his pockets. "Yo' know how t'ings can get, cher." He fidgeted slightly then returned to his chair, an open pack of cards on the arm rest which he picked up, and proceeded to toss the cards one-by-one into a hat on the floor, which all ready seemed to contain several different decks.

                She nodded absent mindedly, not really understanding what he meant. The room was silent for a while, and she couldn't think of anything to say. For lack of anything better to talk about, she decided to mention the device the Professor and Dr McCoy had given her.

                "So the Professah gave me these.. things.. They're supposed to help keep her from comin' back. All the others seem to be gone, too. Ah can't hear them n'more."

                She realized what she must have sounded like. 'By the way, the voices in my head are gone, isn't that great?' She was crazy, and she knew it. Shaking her head inwardly, she glanced down at the windowpane, tracing the glass with one finger.

                Remy smiled at that and nodded.

                "Dat's good, cheri, Remy glad dat yo' gettin' some peace." He finished off that pack and got up then searched out another of the packs he had laying around and busted that open then walked back to his chair to sit down again. "Kitty say dat yo' got yo'self some fast healin', yo' feelin' all bettah now?"

                Rogue nodded. "Yeah, Ah feel much better."

                She kept gazing down at the window pane as another awkward silence ensued. Except for when they were fighting, being with Remy had never been such an embarrassing experience. He hadn't come to see her much at all during the past week, and now he didn't seem as talkative as he usually was. It occurred to her now it must be for a reason - maybe he just didn't want to be around her anymore.

                Why? There were a number of reasons for him to feel that way.. Her battle with him as Carol, the difficulty she'd caused him. Not to mention the situation after the party she'd been told about. That alone was reason enough for him to think less of her.

                Rogue glanced up, smiling a bit. "Ah really should go.. There's a week's worth of laundry Ah'm sure Kitty didn't do. Ah'll see ya later.." With that she started across the room, making for the door.

                Remy sighed and thought quickly as he got up to get the door for her like a good gentleman.

                "Jus' one t'ing, cheri, nevah got ta ask yo'... Did yo' like de flowahs?" He smiled at her, hand on the door knob, though he didn't open it just yet. "Kitty t'ought yo'd like dose bettah den de red ones."

                She stopped in front of him, remembering and smiling at the thought.

                "Yea, Ah had her put them in water for me.. Ah'm sorry, Ah forgot to thank ya. They're beautiful."

She managed to hold his gaze for a few moments, but couldn't keep it up for long.

                He grinned at that, and even blushed slightly as he opened the door for her with a shrug. "Weren't nuttin', p'tite... Didn' take Remy long ta get de money fo' dem. Bobby been practicin his cahds but he still ain' quite as good as ol' Remy." He leaned against the door a bit and watched her. "He be seein' yo, cheri... don' work yo'self too hahd..."

                Rogue nodded with a quick smile, disappearing down the hall.