Chapter 25: First Kiss
Remy came calling around 11:45 the next day. He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, nothing special, but he also didn't have his gloves on today. He knocked on the door to her room and rubbed his hands together. Everything was set and ready to go. Hopefully she would remember this for a long time, and maybe it would make her forget about Belladonna too. He didn't like to think about her himself, much less think that others were considering his past as well.
Rogue woke up later than she'd intended to, the mixture of guilt and nerves affording her a restless sleep. Kitty, who had been up much earlier, made it a point to bring her up a cop of coffee, black just as Rogue liked it. If it wasn't for that dose of caffeine, she might not have made it out of bed.
When she answered the door she seemed a little tired, but it was nothing a walk in the fresh air couldn't fix. Her previous outing with Remy had been rather controversial when it came to the matter of what to wear, and she feared the fact that she'd changed convinced Kitty it was a full fledged date. This time, half out of protest against Kitty, she wore a plain v-neck tee shirt and black jeans, complete with black arm gloves and a skinny scarf. Not that Kitty knew about this particular outing, but she wouldn't be caught with proof. She managed a smile.
"Mornin'."
Remy smiled back. "Mornin' chere, i's lunchtime... Everyt'in's all set, so yo' jus come along... Remy sho' yo' enjoy dis. An' don' worry none 'bout wha's gonna happen, i's a surprise so he ain' gonna tell yo'." He held his arm out toward her and nodded. "Yo' ready, chere?"
Rogue gave him a confused smile. What had he planned? Moreover, why had he felt the need to 'plan' anything 'special'? If anything, she should be the one doing something special for him. At the very least she could have a good time, that seemed to please him the most when they were together. She hooked his arm in his, trying to be more comradely than anything.. but trying not to be deliberate about it. Far be it from her to spoil is fun if he felt like being chivalrous.
"Lead the way."
And lead he did. Remy took her out behind the mansion and across the sprawling lawn. After a nice walk - not just the walk, but the day itself was very nice - he led her around some bushes... And there it was. A nice big blanket was spread out on the grass and a typical wicker picnic basket sat at one corner.
Remy led her over to the blanket and he felt the feeling he'd expected, the explosive energy draining from his body. Perfect. With a grin he stepped in front of her and looked her up and down.
"Yo' seem a li'l ovah dressed, chere, let Remy help yo'..." With that he took one of her gloves and quickly pulled it off, followed by the other before he gave her time to say anything. He dropped the gloves on the blanket and took her hands in his, bringing each to his lips in turn. "Remy say dis be special..."
"Wait, what are y-"
Rogue gasped and flinched, not having time to question him before she braced himself for that unnatural non-feeling sensation.. but it never came. She could feel his hands, the softness of her lips against her skin. Despite herself, Rogue snatched away her hands, glancing between them and him in shock.
"What.. what's goin' on? What-" There simply wasn't a way to phrase all the questions that were suddenly racing through her mind. Maybe she'd fallen back asleep after all - she never did remember drinking more than half of the coffee. This had to be a dream.
Remy chuckled and gave a quick whistle. A little green head popped up from behind some of the bushes, followed by a pink one. Both of the boys waved before they quickly disappeared again.
"Leech say he help Remy, an Artie come along ta help Leech pass de time... Dey good kids. Come on, chere, sit down." He went over to the basket and opened it, producing plates and glasses which he set out, which were soon filled with sandwiches and ice tea. "Jus' relax an' enjoy yo'self, chere... Yo' don' have ta worry bout nuttin."
Rogue's gaze fell on the two boys before they disappeared again, and it continued to drift wildly across the scene around her. Struggling with her racing mind, she pressed her fists against her forehead, trying to organize her thoughts, but trying most of all to wake up.
This was a dream come true, but couldn't help reject it. It was too perfect, too convenient, and something she'd long convinced herself was an impossibility. She'd set her life up so well around not touching that she was no longer equipped to handle normality.
"Wait, wait..."
Her breath was at the same rate, but was very pronounced. She couldn't think, and willed nothing more for than the world to stop.
Remy blinked and frowned. He sighed and pulled her hands down from her forehead.
"Yo' ok chere? Jus' sit down, don' worry..." He eased her down and sat next to her with a smile. "Remy say dis is special... He t'ought yo' would like dis..." He blinked and wondered if he'd done something wrong. "Jus' relax, chere... Don' worry 'bout nuttin... Remy take care of yo', hm?"
Rogue exhaled the breath she'd been holding, looking down at her hands that he held in his. The sensation was familiar but almost foreign to her now. Many times before she'd berated herself for not paying more attention before she'd developed her powers, to the feel of another's touch - touching one's own skin wasn't the same. But how could she have known then, and how could she refuse not to savor it now?
With a sigh that was almost mournful, she turned one of his hands over in hers, running her fingers over the rough smoothness of his palm. She tried not to sound so upset.
"Why are ya doin' this?.."
Remy looked quite confused at that. Maybe he had done something wrong after all.
"Remy jus' t'ought dat yo'd like ta not have ta worry, even fo' jus a li'l while... Yo' an' him have a nice lunch, an' yo' wouldn' have ta worry 'bout gloves o' nuttin... Yo' could jus' relax..." He watched as she felt his hand then looked back to her. "Don' yo' like it, chere?"
Rogue shook her head, blinking back tears. No, she couldn't cry now, not now. She wasn't sad, but she didn't feel exactly happy either. She was too numb to feel either of those things, too taken aback. But Remy had done this for her, something impossible, a dream. Her heart tried to refocus her thoughts more on how he felt at her reaction, but.. No, she needed to get a grip.
"No, Ah didn't mean.. Ah just need ta sit down." Except she noticed then that she was already sitting down.. with a confused sight, she ran a hand through her hair, concentrating like Logan had taught her to.
"Ah'm sorry.. It's... It's wonderful." But she couldn't bring herself to smile, not quite yet.
Remy sighed again, but smiled. He should have expected this, really. Shock was fairly easy to recognize... Though this wasn't quite shock, just extreme surprise. If he just gave her some time to get used to it he was sure she'd start to feel better, relax more.
"How 'bout we jus' eat, chere, don' t'ink 'bout it. Jus fo'get 'bout all de othah t'ings an' people. I's jus yo' and Remy heah." He picked up the plate with her sandwich and set it in front of her, then grabbed the tea and handed it to her. "Heah... Logan say dat tea help yo' calm down."
She took the glass, trying to smile. Come on, Rogue, time to get it together. The shaking in her hands stopped not after long, and she'd even managed to take a few bites of her sandwich, though she couldn't taste it. Maybe if she didn't think about it, it would sink in better subconsciously... Taking another long sip of her tea, Rogue glanced sideways at Remy before setting her glass down, hands in her lap.
"So... When was it ya first got ya powers?"
Remy blinked, halfway through a bite of his sandwich. He finished chewing and swallowed, then shrugged.
"Remy don' remembah exactly... He jus' figure out one day dat he could blow stuff up, an' he show his Pa... So Pa staht helpin' him wit' tahget practice an' stuff... How 'bout yo', chere?" He was about to take a sip of tea when he rethought his question. "Yo' don' have ta say if yo' don' wan' ta, Remy undahstand..."
Smooth. He shrugged and took a sip of his tea, trying not to pressure her. If he'd discovered that he had the power to suck the life out of someone, he didn't think he'd like to talk about the time he figured it out either.
Rogue shrugged, rubbing her hands together lightly. She'd considered not telling him, but it really made no difference. Didn't talking about it make it feel better, or something like that? He had told her so much already, and that was when she was being awful to him. It felt right to share this with him now, especially after he'd done this for her.
"Ah was around twelve.. Ah was with my friend David, my best friend really.. We'd decided we 'liked' each other and were gonna get married, ya know, kid stuff.. We were playin' down by the river near my house, and he.. kissed me. Ah couldn't even feel it at first, but somethin' just felt wrong. Ah could see all these memories that weren't mine, couldn't think straight." She looked down into her lap, not showing much emotion. "He was in a coma for three weeks.. my first kiss." And her last, she'd figured, back when touching was an impossibility.
Remy frowned. Yea, it wasn't good. He put a comforting arm around her shoulders then leaned in and whispered to her.
"P'tite... Would yo' like a real first kiss?"
Just the chance he'd been waiting for. The last time he'd actually kissed her it had been just to give her some memories of his, and the other... it had been Carol. She deserved at least one real kiss after all she'd been through.
Rogue barely changed her demeanor at the question, the only hint that she'd heard at all being that the wringing motion of her hands stopped. She continued to gaze expressionlessly into her lap. It didn't seem right. She cared for Remy, she did, but what if she accepted? Would he take it as something more? What if this was her last chance?
"Remy, Ah.. " She'd shared her first attempted kiss with her best friend, and now.. who better than Remy? Scott? The ridiculous thought actually caused her to burst out into laughter.
Remy blinked and pulled away, actually blushing.
"Remy may not be de greatest guy in de world, but he really like yo' chere, an' he jus' tryin' ta be nice... No need ta laugh..."
He sighed and took another sip of his tea, eyes down. If there was one way he really didn't want to be rejected - not that he wanted to be rejected - it was to be laughed at.
Rogue covered her mouth, trying to suppress the remaining laughter.
"No, Ah'm sorry.. that's not what Ah was laughin' at." She managed to stop, but couldn't keep the smile from her face. Maybe that small amount of amusement had managed to break the shell of ice she'd placed around herself. But back to the matter at hand.. She looked shyly at him, smiling slowly fading as the uncertainty crept back into her voice.
"It's sweet of ya ta offer.. Ah just can't ask ya ta do somethin' like that. Ya don't need ta cause ya feel sorry for me."
Remy smiled and shook his head.
"Remy been wantin' ta kiss yo' fo' awhile, p'tite..." He reached up and ran a finger over her lips. "He can't be blamed... Yo' lips jus' look so invitin'..." He slid his fingers back over her cheek and held it in his palm. "Dey ain' de only paht of yo' dat looks good, eithah, chere. Yo' beautiful." From the look in his eyes it was clear he was being quite honest.
By then her smile had faded completely, replaced by an almost troubled look. No, she'd returned to her former opinion. This was most definitely a dream. But as she gazed back into his eyes, the striking red on black gleam assured her it was most definitely real. It was too perfect. Too perfect. She couldn't move, her breath became shallow, and her heart pounded in her chest, a mixture of fear, excitement, and the expectation that she'd wake up all too soon.
Remy took his opportunity and leaned in; his head tilted slightly to the side, and softly pressed his lips to hers. His hand moved from her cheek to the back of her head, and down to her neck. He pulled her closer just before he broke the kiss, not wanting to overwhelm her. He couldn't help the small smile on his lips as he looked at her.
"Was it... all yo'd hoped fo', ma petite fleur de cerise?"
Rogue closed her eyes, tuning out everything but the sensation of being kissed. His lips were soft and surprisingly warm. And too soon it was over. Her eyes remained closed, clinging to the memory as if it'd slip away if she wasn't careful. Her voice was just barely above a whisper.
"No.. it was better." She'd said it very seriously. It was better, as she hadn't hoped for anything at all.
He just couldn't help himself. Remy's other arm slid across her back around her waist, and he leaned in to kiss her again. He held her closer this time, and even leaned her back a bit as he poured all of his passion into the act. The first had been for her, but this was for him, he didn't know if he'd ever get the chance again, after all.
The second kiss gave Rogue pause - it was indeed a second kiss. That didn't count towards the first. And it was far more real, the kind of kiss she'd fantasized about. Yet it was a second, more than they'd more or less agreed to. Oh, who cares? Her hands slid up his neck and face, running through his hair. She returned the kiss a bit clumsily at first, but soon a rhythm took over for her.
Remy continued to kiss her until he suddenly pulled back, though not much, just enough to speak. His breath came in quick pants and his eyes were only half open, he obviously had been quite into it. His voice was slightly hoarse and quiet as he asked her,
"P'tite... are yo'... s-sho' yo' ok wit' dis...?"
Rogue opened her eyes suddenly as he stopped. Was this where the dream ended? She froze, and when nothing happened, took several deep breaths. She barely heard Remy's question, but didn't lend much thought to it. There was a small amount of doubt, but what did that matter? If she felt uncomfortable she wouldn't have continued. She leaned in to kiss him gently before pulling back again, her eyes held a pleading look.
"What if this is my last chance?"
Remy smiled and nodded. He laid her completely back on the blanket and stretched his legs out as well. Rather than going straight back Remy kissed her cheek and down to her ear so he could whisper to her.
"Remy make dis somet'in fo' yo' ta remembah..." T
hen he kissed her again, his passion burning like an inferno.
Rogue lay back with a sigh, keeping her hands around his neck. Some part of her suddenly became fearful as to how far this was going.. It was well beyond an innocent first kiss. But there was no turning back now. It may very well be the last chance she'd ever have to touch another person, to be touched. She trusted him. She closed her eyes again, trying to keep everything but the sensations out of her mind.
For quite some time Remy lost himself in her lips, her warmth. He'd waited for this and the moment was perfect. He knew that it couldn't last forever, though... they'd have to eventually get back to the mansion or someone might come looking for them. Logan might come looking for them. That convinced him. He didn't really want to but he pulled back with a sigh.
"Remy don' wan' ta stop, p'tite, but if someone comes lookin' fo' us... I's prob'ly best ta cool down while we can, hm?" He sat back up and smiled at her, running a hand through his hair. "Besides... Ain' like dis has ta be de last time... Right?"
He was hopeful, as if he didn't all ready expect her to say yes. Of course, it could simply have been the sensation that had kept her from stopping him, he just hoped it was more than that.
Rogue sat up hesitantly, now having been called back to reality. There was no mistaking it, she'd just had a full blown make out session with Remy. Something about it felt odd to her. Remy was her close friend, and it seemed cold for her to suddenly think of him as a friend with 'benefits', though in all honesty the benefits weren't all that big. What if the entire thing was just a giant gesture of pity? Even worse, what if she'd just used him for the sake of touching? She didn't know the answer herself.
Absent mindedly Rogue glanced at her watch. Quite some time had passed since they'd arrived, and the thought made her blush. She looked up suddenly - Remy was saying something.
"What? Oh.. Yeah." There was no real enthusiasm in her tone, but may have been a reason for that. Her shock now was slightly worse at finding she was able to touch at all. She sighed half heartedly, reaching over to take his hand in hers as if it were a lifeline, running her thumb across the back of his palm.
Remy smiled and watched her silently for a moment.
"Chere, Remy don' care if dis is de last time we do dis... He still wan' yo' ta be his girl... Yo' special, p'tite..."
What was he saying? What was wrong with him? Since when was he the one who made the propositions? At least the ones that weren't completely physical. Well, he thought, he couldn't exactly expect her to do it...
Rogue's movement came to a stop at his question, as if what they'd just been doing had absolutely no correlation with what he was asking her now. She looked at him, expression a mix of disbelief and sadness.
"Remy.. You're my friend, and Ah care about ya.." She couldn't bring herself to say 'but'. "Ya may feel that way now, but ya don't know what it's like. Ah can't expect ya ta wait around for me ta get control over my powers, if Ah ever do. Ya shouldn't have ta."
Remy shook his head emphatically.
"Remy know how he feel, an' he feel dat way befo' know... Why else would Remy trust yo' so much, and bring yo' out heah? An' he don' care if he has ta wait, he have a good memory, he jus' remembah dis day..."
He was completely sincere in all of this; there was even the slightest panic in his voice that she would still reject him.
His words very nearly broke her heart, and she could feel the tears burning in back of her eyes. This wasn't supposed to happen. Everything she'd strove for the past years was designed specifically to avoid this very situation. How had it happened? Her insides were tearing apart, and her face turned down. A few dark spots appeared on the blanket below.
"Why? Why would ya want somethin' ya couldn't touch?"
He frowned at the sight and shook his head. He reached his hand up under her chin and turned it up and toward him so he could look her in the eye.
"Because dat don' mattah, p'tite, Remy like yo' fo' who yo' is... If dat means only touchin yo' t'rough yo' clothes, den fine... Remy can deal wit' dat jus' fine..." Then he even smiled a bit. "Besides, mon amie, even if he could touch yo', he don' t'ink yo'd let him in public... Yo' have dat goth reuptation ta uphold aftah all."
She gave a short laugh, though it held little mirth. If she could touch, she probably wouldn't be a goth. That was a defense mechanism unto itself. Even so.. Remy may have been willing to live without touching her, but she doubted her own ability to live without touching him.
"Ya might not care about touchin', but Ah don't know if Ah'd be able to."
If it was difficult for her now, imagine what it would be like if she couldn't touch someone she loved.
Remy shook his head.
"Yo' could do it, chere, yo' strong. Remy can see dat in yo'..." That wouldn't be enough, though... He sighed and leaned forward, his forehead pressed against hers, his eyes locked on her own. "Please, p'tite, don' throw dis away... Yo have a chance, jus like yo chance ta kiss me... Yo' have a chance fo so much more, chere. Touch doesn' mattah, i's da feelin on de inside."
Rogue closed her eyes. It hurt so much. The thought of turning him down was painful, for the both of them. But if she accepted, they ran the risk of merely finding a new way to hurt. Her expression was pained as she looked into his eyes. Since when had he become so wonderful?
Between the choices she faced she was doomed either way, but at least one wouldn't be as lonely. One hand reached up to caress his cheek, and she didn't say a word. She leaned in to kiss him slowly, carefully, as if it was their last kiss. For it may very well have been.
