KP Fan Fic Ch. 2.
Cut to the outside of a bank. Cut to an office inside the bank. The office is a maze of cubicles full of workers typing away at their computers. The camera finds one cubicle and enters it. Inside is the now older Kim Possible. She is wearing a stylish business suit and working intensely at her desk. Suddenly we hear the familiar ring of the kimunicator. Kim jumps to her feet.
Kim: That sound… I remember that sound! It's the kimunicator! Now where is it?
She looks around. Digs through piles of collective office supplies. Checks under the desk and chair. She finds it in a corner under the desk. It is covered in dust. She blows the dust off and answers the call. We see an older Wade on the screen.
Kim: Kim here… um… oh jeez what was that thing I used to always say… ach this is embarrassing!
Wade tries to help her remember.
Wade: What's the… blank.
Kim: Of course! What's the problem, Wade?
Wade: You mean what's the sitch.
Kim: Sitch? That doesn't sound like something I would say… So, Wade, I haven't seen you since you got busted for insider trading. What's going on?
Wade: Not much. Just the world's largest diamond has been stolen!
Kim: Stolen? By who?
Wade: I don't know, Kim. It's been years since someone has pulled off a crime this huge. I think you should go investigate.
Kim: Yeah… I do have some vacation days that are about to expire…
Wade: Great! The diamond was at the Middleton Museum of Big Things. Have fun!
The kimunicator turns off.
Kim: I guess I better tell the boss I'm taking some time off.
Kim leaves her cubicle and walks over to the Boss.
Kim: Hey, Boss! I'm taking a few days off.
Boss: What?! We are up to our hair follicles in paper work! You can't take off now!
Kim: Don't worry. I finished my workload for the day. In fact, I finished Tom, John, and Mariah's work too.
Boss: Kim. How did we ever make due without you?
The Boss turns to address the room.
Boss: People. I think we should all acknowledge Kim's hard work and expertise. If she can keep this up half you people will be obsolete.
All Workers: (Depressed sounding) Yay.
Kim: I'm leaving now. (To self) I better get Ron on this too.
Cut to the set of a late night talk show. There is a desk and a sofa. Behind the desk is Ron. On the sofa is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Ron is interviewing him about his latest movie.
Ron: So Arnold… You've been president of the United States for five years now. Why'd you decide to make a new movie?
Arnold: Well, Ron. After solving world hunger and bringing peace to the world I decided I wanted to challenge myself.
Ron: I suppose so. I mean being president isn't that hard. I know I breezed through my term.
Arnold: You were never president! You are only 26! You have to be way older than that.
Ron: Oh yeah! Doesn't the president have to be born on U.S. soil?
Arnold: What are you getting at? I'm as American as Alex Trebek or Mike Meyers!
Ron: All right. Come down. So what's the movie about?
Arnold: Ah… I am glad you asked. In this movie a play the cyborg governor of California who must travel back in time and save the cyborg president of the U.S. from cyborg terrorists who are from the cyborg Middle East. It's called, "Govinator 2: Election Day"
Ron: Interesting. So you want to show the clip now?
Arnold: Yes. In this scene I dance the robot for 20 minutes straight. It cost 30 million dollars to produce and we lost three stuntmen in the process.
Ron: All right. Roll the clip.
A T.V. screen gets lowered in from the ceiling. On it is footage of Arnold wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses while dancing the jerky dance of the robot. As the clip is rolling a stagehand comes and whispers in Ron's ear.
Ron: Really? I better go! Hey, Arnold. You think you can cover me while I go back stage?
Arnold: Sure thing, Ron. There is still 19 more minutes of dancing.
Ron: Solid!
Ron walks away to the back stage. Where he meets up with Kim, who has been waiting for him.
Ron: Kim? I haven't seen you since the wedding. What was that guys name? Kay something.
Kim: Khalim. Khalim Personal.
Ron: Oh yeah. So I guess you are Kim Personal now. How are you two?
Kim: We got divorced two days later.
Ron: Oh. That's different… I guess. Say, wasn't he a janitor?
Kim: Yeah… I didn't know at the time…
Ron: Really? How could you not know? He carried a mop and bucket everywhere! Even to your wedding!
Kim: I thought he just liked to clean…
Ron: Of course he liked to clean. It was his job!
Kim: At least my wedding wasn't as screwed up as yours…
Ron: (Upset) Ok! No one told me Tina was a guy! The worst part was that I had to find out myself… That was the creepiest night of my life… But enough about me, how are things with you?
Kim: Not so good.
Ron: What do you mean?
Kim: I can't tell you here. We need to go somewhere private.
Ron: Okay. We can go to the green room.
Cut to the inside of the green room. There is a table, a sofa, and a T.V. Kim and Ron are inside.
Ron: So what is it?
Kim: Someone has just stolen the world's largest diamond. And I was thinking that we could all go and do some investigating. Just like old times. Just you, me, and Rufus. Where is Rufus anyway?
Ron: Oh. Rufus. He was offered his own show over at NBC.
Ron turns the T.V. on. On it is the text, "Everybody Loves Rufus" The text fades away to show Rufus sitting in a chair. Some guy walks up to him.
Some Guy: Hey, Rufus? Why does everyone love you so much?
Rufus: I dunno.
The studio audience's hysterical laughing can be heard. It doesn't stop for seconds. The guy and Rufus sit and look around and wait for the laughter to die down. Cut back to Ron who turns the T.V. off.
Ron: Disgusting… but unbelievable funny… Well, let's go.
Kim and Ron exit the green room and are about to leave the studio when Ron suddenly remembers something.
Ron: Oh! Hold on a second KP.
Ron runs back to the set where the clip of Arnold is just ending.
Ron: Yo, Arnold. Think you can cover me for a few more hours?
Arnold: You bet, Ron. I know exactly how to entertain the peoples.
Ron: Gravy!
Ron leaves the set. Arnold stands up from chair and looks around at the audience. He cracks his knuckles, takes a deep breathe, and begins doing the robot.
Cut to the inside of the museum. Inside are all sorts of big things. Like, elephants, soup cans, and other assorted crap. Kim and Ron walk along admiring the big things.
Ron: Who would want to see all this big junk? Look at it! It's all just a bunch of junk. Only an idiot would be impressed by this!
Ron stops suddenly in his tracks. He stares transfixed on something for a beat. He runs over to it and Kim follows him. They stop. The camera pulls back to reveal what is interesting Ron… the world's biggest burrito.
Ron: This is the most impressive thing I have ever seen! Wow! It's huge! This is, like, Mecca or something! I feel like I should say a prayer!
Kim: We don't have time for this, Ron!
Kim walks off camera while dragging Ron by the arm.
Cut to a large empty glass case with a sign that says worlds largest diamond on it.
Kim and Ron are looking at it with a security guard.
Kim: So how big is the diamond?
Security Guard: 'Bout three feet by three feet.
Kim: Whoa! How much would a diamond that big be worth?
Security Guard: About three feet by three feet.
Kim: Excuse me?
Another security guard walks up.
Security Guard 2: Don't mind him… he doesn't speak much English.
Security Guard 1: (Nervous) I am very pleased to be in your country.
Security Guard 2: Don't worry, Franz. You can go now.
The first security guard walks away.
Kim: So how much money could you sell such a huge diamond for?
Security Guard 2: Hmm… I would say 30 billion dollars.
Kim: Spendy.
Ron: Mmm hmm… how much does the big burrito cost?
Security Guard 2: About 20 bucks.
Ron: Hmm… So the diamond costs 30 billion… and the burrito costs 20 bucks. Think of how many giant burritos you could buy with that diamond. (Beat) Of course! Whoever stole the diamond is planning on selling it and using the money to buy enough giant burritos to encase the whole earth! But how many burritos could he buy?
Ron pulls out a calculator. And starts doing the math.
Ron: Let's see… 20 bucks goes into 30 billion… "error"? How many is an "error"?
Kim: Okay I am just gonna stop you there. But half of your idea does make sense.
Ron: Really? But how else can you afford that many giant burritos?
Kim: No! The other part!
From Kim's point of view we see the confused face of Ron.
Kim: Never mind…
Kim pulls out the kimunicator and turns it on.
Kim: Wade; scan the net for someone selling a giant diamond.
Wade: Scan the net? You make it sound so complicated. All I do is go to Google.
Kim: Whatever, just do it.
Wade does that two keyboard typing thing. You know, the thing that reminds me of the keyboarders in '80's music videos.
Wade: Done. Apparently a giant diamond has recently been sold on an online auction.
Kim: Who did the selling?
Wade: Someone by the screen name "DrakkenDude2112"
Kim: I'm gonna take a wild stab and guess that DrakkenDude2112 is Dr. Drakken.
Ron: Really? I think it was DNAmy.
Kim: DNAmy? When was the last time we heard from her?
Ron: Exactly! She is do to make a come back.
Kim: (Sigh) Ron, all these years and you're still the same.
Ron: I try.
Kim: So, Wade. Where is Drakken hiding out?
Wade: The original address was for some apartment above a Dairy Queen in Missouri. But the money was then forwarded to a place in Oklahoma.
Kim: You rock to the fifth power, Wade.
Kim turns off the kimmunicator
Kim: Come on. We gotta stop Drakken before he does something evil with that money.
Ron: Hold on! I need to check on my show! Give me the kimmunicator.
Kim hands Ron the kimmunicator. He turns it on. On the screen we see Arnold continuing to do the robot.
Ron: Work those biceps, Arnold… the crowd loves ya and I get paid.
Ron gives the kimmunicator back to Kim.
Ron: (Pointing forward) To Missouri!
Kim: He's in Oklahoma.
Ron: (Pointing forward) To Oklahoma! But I'd really like to hit that Dairy Queen along the way!
