KP Fan Fic Ch. 3

            Cut to a city street packed with rush-hour traffic.  The camera finds one particular taxi and zooms closer to it.  Cut to the inside of the taxi.  Ron and Kim are sitting in the backseat.

Ron:  We haven't moved for hours!  What happened to all those people you knew with jets, and helicopters, and flying DeLoreans?

Kim:  That was years ago, Ron.  You can't expect me to call in favors from ten years ago!

Ron:  At this rate we'll die of old age before we even leave the city!

Kim:  Ungh… I'll ask the driver if he knows a short cut.

            Kim leans forward so she can talk to the driver.  She is about to speak when she notices who is driving the cab.

Kim:  Bond?  James Bond?  What are you doing here?

Ron:  Are you on some kind of secret mission?

Bond:  I wish.  I haven't been on a mission for years… every since that Kim Possible started to stop super villains… Now I drive this cab… Argh!  I hate Kim Possible!

Ron:  I know what you mean.  I don't much care for that Kim Possible either.

            Kim gives Ron a dirty look.

Bond:  I'll never forget the face of Kim Possible…

            Bond looks in the rear view mirror.

Bond:  Hmm.  You look a lot like her…

Ron:  Me?

Bond:  No.  The other one.

Kim:  Me?  You must be mistaken.  I'm… Kim Personal.

Bond:  No… You look a lot like her.  Oh if I ever find that Kim Possible I don't know If I would be able to contain my rage…

            Suddenly James' cell phone rings.  He answers frantically.

James:  M?  Oh, it's not M.  What?  You can't do that!  I am only on my second notice!  I still have time to pay those bills!  Hello?

            James hangs up his cell-phone.

James:  (Depressed) They are taking everything I own… All thanks to that Kim Possible…

            James looks back and sees that Kim and Ron are gone.  Cut to Kim and Ron walking down a sidewalk.

Ron:  That guy was crazy!

Kim:  Yeah he was!

Ron:  I haven't seen anyone that depressed since Drakken drank that bottle of Jack Daniels.

            Ron's eyes look up and the screen gets all wavy to illustrate a flashback.  We see Ron from ten years ago and Drakken from ten years ago sitting at a bar.  Drakken has his arm around Ron's shoulders.

Drakken:  This guy!  I love this guy!  (Suddenly angry)  Unlike those kids in second grade… I showed them…

Ron:  Dr. Drakken, you're scaring me…

Drakken:  No I'm not!  You want scary?  Try being the fat kid with glasses in gym class! 

            Drakken suddenly points off screen.

Drakken:  What are you looking at?  You want some of this?

            Drakken starts to get up but slips off the stool on to the floor.

Drakken:  Little help…

            Cut back to Kim and Ron walking on the sidewalk.

Ron:  That was one time I definitely hated being the distraction!  So how are we going to get to Oklahoma now?

Kim:  A little something I like to call the bus.

Ron:  But that will take hours!

Kim:  Live with it.

            A bus pulls up in front of them and they get on.

            Cut to the inside of a large room.  This is Drakken's new lair.  It's full of fancy curtains and throw rugs.  It is uncommonly well decorated.  Drakken and Shego are inside.  Shego is looking around.

Shego:  This place is fancy!  Who did all the decorating?

Drakken:  I did!

            Shego gives Drakken a look.

Drakken:  Don't start that with me.

Shego:  So how much did this place cost?

Drakken:  The lair itself cost about 10 billion.  Another 10 billion to decorate it…

Shego:  So we only have 10 billion dollars for evil things?

Drakken:  More or less… I spent some money after that for this new silk girdle I'm wearing.

Shego:  Why do you need a girdle?  Why can't you just except that you're fat?

Drakken:  I am not fat!  I just need a little support.

Shego:  'Cuz your fat…

Drakken:  I am not fat!

            Suddenly Drakken's girdle breaks and his stomach bursts through his uniform while popping off buttons.  Shego begins laughing.

Drakken:  Argh!  This is like second grade all over again!  I'm going to the backyard!

            Drakken walks away.  Cut to the backyard.  It looks like any other backyard complete with a fence.  Drakken is standing by the fence muttering to himself.  His neighbor hears him and pokes his head up above the fence.  We can only see his eyes.  The neighbor is Wilson.

Wilson:  What's the matter neighbor?

Drakken:  Nothing, Wilson.

Wilson:  Don't give me that… You are obviously upset.  Is it Shego again?

Drakken:  Yeah.  But she is only part of the problem.

Wilson:  Don't worry.  Tell me all about it.

            Drakken begins talking and the camera dissolves to the same place but at a later time.  He is still talking.  Wilson's eyes look bored.

Drakken:  And that's when I realized I was different from the other kids and…

            Wilson cuts him off.

Wilson:  Okay… So what is bothering you at the moment!  I don't have all day to listen to you!

Drakken:  I don't fit in my old clothes anymore and Shego calls me fat.

Wilson:  Well.  You have to except the fact that you are indeed larger than before… But if you'd like I can let you borrow one of my spare girdles.

Drakken:  Yes!

            Wilson goes and gets the spare girdle and hands it over the fence.  The girdle is metallic looking with blinking lights.

Wilson:  It's the "Waste Wincher 4000" The same one as used by William Shatner in Star Trek 5 so you know it's tough.

Drakken:  Thanks Wilson.  I'll go put it on right now.

            Drakken walks back inside the lair.

Wilson:  That guy is messed up…

            Cut to the inside of the lair.  Drakken walks in from outside and looks thin again because of the girdle.  He stops dead in his tracks.

Drakken:  What the…!

            Reverse the camera angle to reveal Kim and Ron tied up and hanging from the wall and Shego standing next to them.

Drakken:  What happened?

Shego:  These two came here and I captured them.

Drakken:  How?

Shego:  Laid a trap, did some fighting, I won.

Kim:  I can't believe we fell for that trap…

Drakken:  I missed it?  Why didn't you come get me!  I love to see you two fight.

Shego:  You were too busy talking about your weird childhood.

Drakken:  Well then… Shego!  Untie them and do it again!  I want to see it this time!

Ron:  I think you should do what he says.

Shego:  No!

Drakken:  Fine.  I guess I will just have to use my imagination.  But it won't be as good as how it really happened.

            Drakken stands there and he looks like he is watching a fight in his mind.

Drakken:  (Mumbling) Get her, Kim.  Show that Shego who's boss…

            Kim, Ron, and Shego all raise their eyebrows.

Drakken:  All right.  I'm done.  Still wasn't as good as the real thing must have been.  So.  Kimberly.  I haven't seen you in a while.  We used to have such fun together didn't we?  Like the time you and your sidekick switched brains.  That was great…

Kim:  Or the time you tried to clone me.  I got a kick out of that.

Ron:  And remember that time you built a machine that created a portal to an alternate dimension and in it there were evil twins of Kim and me and a good twin of you?  And then the evil Kim and Ron tried to take over the world and we had to team up with the good version of you to stop him.

Drakken:  How could I forget?

Shego:  Oh!  And remember that time I was at an office party and I had too much to drink and used the Xerox machine for something other than copying files?

            Everyone looks at Shego.

Drakken:  What do you mean?  Did you use it to copy money?

Shego:  Uh… yeah that's it…  Hey!  Now would be a good time to tell them your evil plot.

Drakken:  Ah.  You are correct.

            Drakken pulls a remote control out of his pocket and presses a button.  A giant T.V. pops up from the floor.  On it is the text "Everybody Loves Rufus."  The text fades away to reveal Rufus in an apartment standing over a bowl of cereal on the counter.  Kramer suddenly slides in through the door.

Kramer:  Hey buddy!  Why does everyone love you so much?

Rufus:  I dunno.

            The studio audience erupts into laughter for several seconds.  Rufus and Kramer wait for the laughter to die down before they continue their lines.  Drakken turns the T.V. off.

Drakken:  Ach!  I'm on the wrong channel… good show, though.  I have every episode on my Tivo

Shego:  What do you want?

Drakken:  I said Tivo not Shego.  Ok I got the right channel now.

            Drakken turns the T.V. on.  On it is a graphic of the Earth and the Moon.

Drakken:  This is the Earth and this is the Moon.

Kim:  Oh!  Somebody went to college.

Drakken:  I'm not done yet!

            A wall lifts up behind the T.V.  We can now see a giant ray-gun thing pointed out a whole in the roof.

Drakken:  And this is one of the most powerful lasers ever created!

Shego:  Where did that come from?

Drakken:  I built it!

Shego:  How'd you manage that?

Drakken:  Shego… by now you should know that my genius far exceeds mere decorative authority!

Kim:  Decorative authority?

Drakken:  Yes!  I decorated this place!

Kim:  Hmm… Good use of color.  Maybe when I break out of here and send you back to prison you can come and decorate my place.

Drakken:  Maybe… Wait a minute!  Why do you always have to have some smart and sassy comment during my moment of glory!

Kim:  Wouldn't you like to know.

Drakken:  Ach!  There it goes again!  Oh… she's ruined the mood.  Shego, go throw them in a pit of lava or something… I'm going to watch T.V.

            Drakken walks over the sofa

Ron:  Aren't you going to tell us the rest of your evil plan?

Drakken:  (Hastily) Fine.  I call the U.N. tell them about how I will use the laser to blow up the Moon.  Thus sending millions of large rocks towards the earth.  The destruction would be massive but I won't do it if they give in to my demands… you get the idea.  Shego!  Lava!  Now!

Shego:  Yeah.  Let me go get the heat suit before I do it… I feel like keeping my eyebrows this time…

Drakken:  (Pre-occupied with the T.V.)  Whatever.

            Shego walks away.  Kim and Ron are alone with Drakken across the room sitting in his sofa.

Ron:  Well… haven't done this in a while…

Kim:  Yeah… Not as much fun as I remembered. 

Ron:  Yeah… So.  How's the family?

Kim:  They're doing ok.

Ron:  How are things with Monique?  I haven't heard from her in a while.

Kim:  She's doing pretty well.  Right now she is designing the new fall line of Club Banana jackets.

Ron:  Good for her.  I always liked that Monique.

Kim:  No you didn't.  When she and I first met you thought she was stealing me from you!

Ron:  Really?  Huh?  Seams pretty silly now.

            There is a long pause.

Ron:  You know… being tied up and all… kinda reminds me of my wedding…

Kim:  (Sigh) Do you think before you talk or do the words sorta come out on their own?

            Ron thinks for a moment

Ron:  I think… At least I think I think.

Shego (O/S):  Yo, Dr. D.!  Where's the heat suit?

Drakken:  It's in the closet, Shego!  Where it has always been!

Shego (O/S):  I'm not seeing it!

Drakken:  Do I have to go over there?

Shego (O/S):  I guess.

Drakken:  (To himself) And they call her the smart one…

            Drakken gets up and leaves the room.

Ron:  Now's your chance, Kim!

Kim:  Chance to do what?

Ron:  To pull off your move!

Kim:  Um.  I don't have a move.

Ron:  But you always have a move!

Kim:  Not today.

            Suddenly Rufus shows up.

Ron:  Rufus?  What are you doing here?

            Rufus scurries over to Ron and starts chewing on the ropes.  Just then Drakken and Shego come back from the other room.

Drakken:  I don't know where the heat suit went.  Just find some other way to get rid of them.

            Drakken sees Rufus.

Drakken:  How'd he get here!?  Shego, take care of him!

Shego:  Sure thing.

            Shego runs to a control panel and starts pressing buttons.  A weird snakelike tube comes out of a hole and sucks up Rufus.  Shego walks over to a small cage where Rufus was placed after getting sucked up.  She picks up the cage and sets it down with Kim and Ron.

Ron:  That's never happened before.

Drakken:  Ha!  I got your little rodent friend!  How are you going to get out of this now?

Ron:  I'd shrug my shoulders but I'm hanging from the wall.

Drakken:  Oh, this does feel good.  I'm back in an evil mood again!  Shego, go dial the U.N.

            Shego gets a phone from that pocket on her leg.

Kim:  I always wondered what was in there.

            Shego hits the button for the U.N. on her speed dial.  She hands the phone to Drakken.

Drakken:  Hello?  It's Dr. Drakken!  I said Dr. Drakken!  Now I have a giant laser gun pointed at the Moon and if my demands aren't met I'm going to destroy it and send millions of rocks towards the Earth!  No, this is not a prank phone call.  Hello?

            Drakken throws the phone away.

Drakken:  They hung up on me!  I'll show them!  Just like I showed those kids in second grade…

Shego:  Okay.  You're going to have to let that whole second grade thing go.

Drakken:  I'll let it go… after I rain destruction upon the earth!

            Drakken walks over to a control panel by the laser and begins pressing buttons and pulling levers.  Sparks start to fly from the machine (good sparks) and a charging sound can be heard.  Drakken walks backs over to where Kim and Ron and Rufus are.

Drakken:  Ha.  Looks like I get away with this one!

            Drakken begins laughing maniacally.  His laughs are very hard.  Suddenly the sound of bending metal can be heard.

Drakken:  What's that?

Shego:  Sounds like it's coming from… your stomach?

            Drakken's girdle suddenly breaks allowing his stomach to break through his uniform, popping off buttons with extreme force.  The camera follows one button as it ricochets off a wall and hits a lever on the laser control panel.  A screen on the panel reads, "Overload" and a warning siren can be heard.  The button ricochets off another wall and breaks open the cheap cage Rufus is in.

Drakken:  No!  My own fat can't foil me!  Argh!  It's slipshod is what it is!

Shego:  We better get out of here!

            Drakken and Shego run out of the lair.  Rufus gets out of the cage and finishes chewing Ron's ropes.  Ron is freed and unties Kim.  They begin running out of the lair.  As they near the exit the lair begins to explode.  They jump out the door and are sent flying by the shockwave.  They land with a roll.  They stand up and look at the blazing ball of fire in the sky.

Ron:  And to think I didn't bring marshmallows…

            As the flames and smoke clear we see Dr. Drakken and Shego stuck on the branches of a scorched tree.

Shego:  What was that lair made of!  Dynamite!

Drakken:  Only the throw pillows!  But at least we got rid of that Kim and what's-his-name!

Kim:  Not quit, Dr. Drakken.

Drakken:  Kim Possible!

Kim:  Actually, it's Kim Personal now.

Drakken:  Personal?  What's that about?

Kim:  It's a long story…

Ron:  No it's not.  You married a Janitor named Khalim Personal.

Shego:  A Janitor?

Drakken:  I didn't know your standards were so high…

            Drakken and Shego start laughing.  The tree branch then breaks and they fall to the ground.  Kim smiles and walks away with Ron following.

Drakken:  You think you're all that!  But you're not!

            A bunch of squad cars come and circle around Drakken and Shego.  Cut to Drakken and Shego handcuffed in the back seat of a squad car.

Drakken:  You know, Shego, it's better that we were stopped.

Shego:  Why's that?

Drakken:  I had forgotten to build a shelter from the falling moon rocks…

Shego:  Why do I work for you again?

Drakken:  I always assumed it was my devilishly good looks…

            Chief Beatty walks up by the squad car.

Shego:  Chief Beatty, sugar… how 'bout we go to the café and get one of those coffees you're always talking about?

            Beatty leans closer to the window.

Chief Beatty:  I don't take kindly to people who kick me across the room.

            He walks away.

Drakken:  Sounds like somebody burnt their bridges…

Shego:  Don't talk to me… ever…

            The squad car drives away.  Cut to the interior of Kim's apartment.  It looks like any other apartment.  There is a sofa, a T.V., and other assorted furniture.  Kim is on the sofa and Ron is on a different chair.

Kim:  Wow!  That was a close one today.

Ron:  Luckily we had Rufus here to save the day!  Just like old times.

Kim:  Hmmm.  Whatever happened to your show, Rufus?

            Rufus looks angry and turns on the T.V.  On the screen is the text "Everybody Loves Arnold Schwarzenegger Doing The Robot" The text fades away to reveal Arnold standing on a chair doing the robot.  Some guy walks up to him.

Some Guy:  Hey!  Why does everyone love you doing the robot so much?

Arnold:  Shut up!  Do not distract me when I am getting funkafied!

            The studio audience erupts into laughter.

Ron:  If Arnold is there then who is on my show?

            Ron changes the channel.  On the screen is the text, "Everybody Loves Arnold Schwarzenegger Doing The Robot: Miami" The text fades away to reveal Arnold wearing a Hawaiian shirt while doing the robot on top of a chair.  Some guy walks up to him.

Some Guy:  Hey!  Why does everyone love you doing the robot in Miami so much?

Arnold:  Shut Up!  Do not distract me when I am getting funkafied… in Miami!

            The studio audience erupts into laughter.  Ron turns the T.V. off.

Ron:  At least I was replaced by the best…  You know, Kim.  Something has been bothering me.

Kim:  What?

Ron:  Who bought that diamond?

Kim:  Probably just some rich art collector guy or something.  I'm just glad that the whole Drakken thing is over.

Ron:  Yeah.  I guess everything is back to normal.  Except me and Rufus don't have Jobs.

            The phone rings.  Kim answers.  She talks for a second and hangs up.

Kim:  Hey, Ron.  You still looking for a job?

Ron:  Yeah.

Kim:  You're hired.  My old boss just jumped off a bridge and now I'm the head of my department over at Mega Bank.

Ron:  He jumped off a bridge?

Kim:  Or quit I didn't pay much attention.

Ron:  Looks like things are picking up!  At least I can't see how they could get worse.

            Cut to a large room inside Señor, Senior, Senior's lair.  There is a table with the diamond on it and SSS and Jr. are standing around it.

Senior:  Ah, Jr.  This diamond is just what we needed for our latest scheme to take over the world!

Jr.:  What do you mean "our" scheme?  I don't even know what this scheme is!

Senior:  You'll see…

Jr.:  You never tell me anything!  Am I not your son?

Senior:  Relax, Jr.  Just do an evil laugh with me.

            Senior starts to do his evil laugh…

Senior:  Jr.!  Laugh with me!

            They both laugh maniacally… though Jr.'s laugh isn't very energetic.  The screen fades to black

To be continued… but probably won't be… I got a spec script to write and proper tele-play format is a pain in the behind!