"Black"
By Chaos
Chapter 2
Black Haru vs. Rin
I hear... a voice say, "Don't be so blind"...
It's telling me all these things...
that you would probably hide...
am I... your one and only desire...
am I the reason you breathe...
or am I the reason you cry...
"RIN!"
Black Haru hadn't even realized he'd cried out; He felt torn between blind rage and unbearable
sickness that shook him to the core of his heart. It was like an earth shattering enlightenment
opening his eyes to a truth that he had refused to acknowledge. His body was shaking and someone
was laughing. He was laughing; it didn't even sound like him, but it never did. He backhanded a
lamp to the floor; it crashed and shattered, wires hanging from its broken neck. He felt blood
from the cuts on his hand run down his fingers and onto the clean floor, but pain? He felt no
pain. He was too numb to feel pain anymore.
"Running away again?" Black Haru sneered at her, a dangerous smirk playing on his lips. Those,
wild, coal eyes looking into her own, challenging her. "Are you that frightened? Poor little
girl."
//Always... always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you...//
She stopped in the doorway, her head turning to look at him over her shoulder. She'd rarely seen
'Black Haru', and when she did, it had always frightened her to see him become so violent and
cruel. She knew he wasn't acting like his usual self, but she felt her patience being pushed to
its limits. "I'm not scared of you and I never will be."
He stepped forward, his grin widening. "Is that so? The great Rin isn't afraid of anything is
she? Not even -" He snickered as he said this, "Akito-san?"
She spun on him, "Shut up!"
//I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...//
He took another step, this time past Yuki. "Did I hit a nerve?!" He yelled, sick humor filling
his voice.
She walked up to him in long strides and slapped him across the face; "You don't know anything
about me anymore Hatsuharu. You're just a hurt little boy wishing for someone to warm his bed!
Grow up!" She turned to leave but was jerked back as he roughly grabbed her arm.
"LET GO!" Rin yelled angrily.
"Please!" Tohru cried. "Stop it, Hatsuharu-san!" She was holding Kisa to her side as the girl
looked visibly shaken.
"Haru," Yuki laid a hand on his shoulder only to be pushed aside.
"Stay out of this," Haru said dangerously, glaring at the two of them.
"And you," He looked at Rin, grabbing her chin with his free hand to bring her face close to his,
"Have fun at your slumber party. I hope you enjoy your nice, cold bed. You'll eventually come
crying back to me when you realize that Shigure doesn't go after little girls. You're just a
flavor of the week, Babe!"
Her eyes widen in anger and her heart shattered. How could her Haru say something like that to
her? And was he jealous of her relationship with Gure-nii? Instead of showing her hurt, she
furiously glared into his eyes.
"You leave Gure-nii out of this! What I do is none of your business!"
"Awww," He taunted, "Are you going to cry? You certainly had no problem acting like the Ice Queen
of Japan when you broke up with me? I seem to recall you saying something about how we just don't
'click', remember? So, go to your boy toy little girl and enjoy it while it lasts. I'll be
laughing at you when he says the same thing!" He raked his forefinger down her cheek, his blood
staining her perfect white skin. Suddenly, he pushed her out of his way and against the wall.
She winced at the impact.
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
Jerking his coat from the hanger in the closet, he pulled it on and walked out of the house. She
stood and yelled at him, "FUCK YOU, HARU!"
"I wouldn't give you the pleasure." He sneered looking at her over his shoulder. "Who knows where
you've been."
//I guess that I'm out the door...
and now I'm done with you...//
* * * *
"Are you sure you're alright, Isuzu?" Kagura asked concerned deeply for her cousin. She handed
her a cup of warm, steaming tea. The girl's sat in the dining room not even thirty minutes after
Haru had left with a bang. The Sohma males had left as soon as possible, not able to stand the
tension in the house. Rin couldn't stand the look Shigure had sent her when he walked through the
door, but could she forget what Haru said about Shigure? Did Haru really believe that there was
'romance' or even 'lust' between her and the dog of the zodiac? She'd had a small crush on him,
but nothing more. Even going as far as trying to kiss him, but he'd rejected her telling her
straight out that she was too young for his tastes. That would have been the end of it.
"What?" Her head snapped up at Kagura's question.
"I asked if you are alright." Kagura repeated taking a seat beside Tohru.
"I'm fine," She said sternly.
"Don't take what Haru said to heart," Tohru said with a sad smile, "It was 'Black' Haru, he
usually doesn't mean the nasty comments he makes when he's like that."
"I KNOW that." Rin snapped. 'But he IS Haru. Just his more emotional side.' Her mind reminded
her, much to her annoyance.
"Hey!" Uotani slammed her fist on the table, shaking it violently. "Tohru-kun is only trying to
help! You don't have to be rude to her!"
"It's alright, Uo-chan," Tohru said, "I'm not offended. Rin-san is just angry, I understand."
Uotani calmed down at bit, but decided to keep her eye on the one named Sohma Rin. That chick's
attitude problem was beginning to get on her nerves. Uotani could understand her anger. Hell!
She would have kicked that Sohma boy's ass if he talked to her like THAT! But she would have
NEVER taken out her anger on someone as sweet as Tohru. That was uncalled for and she knew that
quiet Hanajima agreed wtih her.
"Sorry," Rin murmured feeling somewhat guilty for snapping at the Honda girl. Deep in thought
she leaned her head against the table, wishing she had never come to this house. Wishing that she
had never seen Haru. But the thing she regretted most, was the fight. It was awful! The things
she'd said, the things he'd said, all of it was a jumble of flashing memories in her brain. She
felt her chest tighten up, but her pride would not allow her to cry. She would never cry again.
* * * *
Haru walked in the cold night weather. The city was alive with lights and music coming from the
various clubs he passed. He hated himself and he wanted to die! Rin's face, twisted in cold rage
burned in his memory. Her eyes had betrayed her angry pride the instant that he'd brought his
face close to hers; right then she'd been ready to cry. He'd seen the tears brimming on her lids,
but not a drop had fallen. At that instant, Black Haru had faded from existence, which completely
explained his quick exit. Despite his harsh words that sounded like Black Haru, it had been
actual Haru saying them. This tore at his conscience. How could he have done something like that?
Keeping up the facade of Black Haru wasn't the brightest thing he'd ever done. Was it for
payback? Did he want revenge for how she hurt him back then? No, he'd long ago promised to never
give up on their relationship. Then why? Why had he transformed into his alter ego at the mere
sight of that girl? Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, Haru realized that he
was lost again.
"Ah shit," He cursed. This wasn't his night at all.
"Hey watch it!" Someone cried aggressively as he knocked into them. It was a boy a bit older than
him with spikey, black hair accentuated with green highlights. He was dressed in all black with
a long trench coat and combat boots. Various silver, metal chains hung from his baggy pants and
he carried two drumsticks in his hand.
"Sorry," Haru mumbled half-heartedly. He was grateful that it hadn't been a girl knocking into
him. That would be bad.
"Don't be so rude, baka!" A girl came out from behind the boy. She had long wine-colored hair
and wore a long black skirt with a slit up to her thigh, knee high boots and a long trench coat
with kanji writing on the sleeves and the Japanese flag. A Yankee. She carried with her a guitar
case and messenger bag. Bowing low she said, "Please excuse him. He's an asshole."
"Feh! He needs to watch where the fuck he's goin." The boy's slang and bad language suited him
well.
"You need to learn courtesy." She frowned at him.
"Feh."
"My name is Yamawa Azusa, " She introduced herself. "And this idiot is Samu Taki. What's your
name, stranger?" She winked and blessed him with a smile. She had a nice smile, though the way
she spoke and her laid back manner reminded him vaguely of Uotani. It must be a Yankee thing.
"Sohma Hatsuharu." He said simply.
"It's a pleasure to meet 'ya, Haru-kun!" She took his limp hand and shook it. "Do you like
music?"
"Huh?" He asked curelessly.
"Music!" She repeated.
"Don't start, Azu." Taki rolled his eyes. "He doesn't need to be badgered by you."
"There's nothing wrong with inviting him to our concert! The more the merrier I say. Besides,
free entry should be worth your never ending rude behavior, baka-Ta!" She whacked him upside the
head.
He merely twitched at her violent onslaught, "Do you insist on hitting me every time I say
something."
"Yes." He sighed and rubbed his forehead in response to her reply.
"So will you come?!" She asked taking his hand with her free one. "PLEASE! You won't regret it,
I promise."
" . . . . "
She took his silence and bewilderment as a yes. She dragged poor Haru down the street by his
hand. He felt Taki's glare heat up his back and neck. He guessed that Azusa was Taki's
significant other. He told himself to apologize later and prayed that Azusa didn't insist on
hugging him. That would be an unexplainable disaster. What would he say?! "Yes, I'm Sohma
Hatsuharu and I'm cursed by the Ox of the Jyuunishi."
"Here we are!" She chuckled. "Don't look so serious!" They stopped in front of a nightclub
called, 'Essence'. There had to be at least hundred people lined up to get inside; the line went
all the way around the corner of the street! The trio walked right past the line and up to a
big, black guard and into the club. It was dark except for strobe lights and colored spotlights
moving around in sync with the music. People danced on the dancing floor, moving and twisting to
the live band as they played hard punkish rock music. Other, more docile or tired people, sat at
tables taking shots and laughing joyously. They headed towards the pool room located at the back
end of the club.
"I always look like this."
She gave him a skeptical look, "Fine then. I'll just have to put a smile on your face!" He
blinked at her, surprised by her energy once again.
* * * *
Rin stepped onto the porch, breathing in the chilly air deeply. Everyone else was in bed in the
living room so Rin was quiet as she shut the door. She leaned against one of the posts holding
up the porch roof and looked at the partly cloudy sky. She remembered a time when Haru and her
would watch the stars. He would point out constellations and tell her their legends in his calm,
soft voice. She mentally smacked herself for thinking of something like that. Old memories didn't
matter because that's all they were. Memories. She couldn't bring back their happy time, nor
could she fix the problem at hand. Truthfully, she was afraid of Haru now. Not because he could
probably beat her up worse then Akito but because she was afraid of getting hurt emotionally and
hurting him in return. It was painful enough to just see him, but the fight had been disgusting.
She was disgusting. She hated herself for all those nasty things she said.
"Rin-san?" Tohru's soft voice reached her ears. "Are you alright, Rin-san?"
"Fine."
Tohru's shoulders slumped, but she was far from disheartened. She sat beside Rin, "If you say
so." She knew that sentimental words would not get through to a stubborn, logical person such
as Rin. So she opted to stay quiet and allow Rin to think peacefully. She looked at the sky and
watched the black clouds float slowly over the crescent moon. "It's beautiful tonight." She said
without thinking.
"Yes," Rin agreed, "It is."
Tohru blinked and looked in Rin's direction. Unshed tears glistened in her eyes, but her face
remained stoic and calm. Tohru thought that Rin had to be the strongest girl she'd ever met.
She'd gone through the night like nothing had happened. She'd hidden her pain for the sake of
others. Rin truly cared about her family, though she rarely showed it to anyone. Tohru hadn't
known Rin that long and she didn't know what had happened between Rin and Haru, but she wanted
to help them. She wanted Rin to open her heart, to let those tears fall. Of course, Tohru knew
that this was unlikely. Rin didn't trust her enough. When she thought about it for a second,
who did Rin trust? Kagura? Shigure? Hatsuharu?
"You can cry if you want to," Tohru said quietly. "I won't tell anybody."
Rin rolled her eyes and glared at the older girl, "I never cry and I'm not going to start now.
You just never butt out of other people's business, do you? You can't fix every problem in the
world, so stop trying."
"I'm sorry," Tohru said. She'd expected Rin to say something like that. It was Rin's method of
pushing others away and keeping herself safe from emotional hurt.
"But," Rin looked at the sky again, "Thanks anyway."
Tohru smiled, "You're welcome. I didn't mean to pry, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," Rin scoffed, "It's getting annoying. You're always saying you're sorry;
reminds me of a more docile version of Ritsu."
Tohru bit back another apology and chuckled, "I guess you're right." The two girls fell into a
silent stalemate, neither knowing what to say to the other. It was a very uncomfortably
situation. Tohru thought that Rin probably didn't want to talk about Haru. That was a big 'No'.
Rin just didn't want to talk. Period. Haru had once told her that talking was overrated and that
people should learn to express their emotions through their actions. If they did, then people
would understand them better; words can get old. He did a good job of proving his theory earlier
that day; she knew exactly what he felt. He hated her with every fiber of his being, and she
didn't blame him.
* * * *
Hatsuharu had sat backstage in a foldout chair. He'd watched the band that Azusa and Taki were
in play; everyone in the club seemed to love them. Their songs were punk-rockish with heavy
guitars, loud drums and base. It was a very good show and he enjoyed it a lot. But one song
reached his ears and heart more then others. His foot went up and down with the drumbeat and
his hands began to strum thin air like he was playing his guitar. The boy singing it appeared
older then he was and had long, shaggy blue and white hair. He wore a pair of dirty, holey
jeans, a tight muscle shirt and no jewelry at all. Personally, Haru thought the boy was tone
deaf. He gave the song no justice, no feeling. And his guitar playing was, to say the best,
mediocre.
"I hear... a voice say, "Don't be so blind"...
it's telling me all these things...
that you would probably hide...
am I... your one and only desire...
am I the reason you breath...
or am I the reason you cry... "
"Always... always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you... "
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that I'm out the door..."
"and now I'm done with you... "
Rin . . .
"I feel... like you don't want me around...
I guess I'll pack all my things...
I guess I'll see you around...
Inside... it bottles up until now...
as I walk out your door...
all I hear is the sound... "
"Always... always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you... "
Rin smiling . . . laughing as the cherry blossoms flew gently in front of her face.
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that I'm out the door...
and now I'm done with you... "
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you... "
Rin's stoic face glaring out the hospital window, bandages on her pale skin highlighted by the
garish sunlight. She never met his eyes.
"I left my head around your heart...
Why would you tear my world apart... "
"Always... always... always... always..."
"I see... the blood all over your hands...
does it make you feel... more like a man...
was it all... just a part of your plan...
this pistol's shakin' in my hands...
and all I hear is the sound... "
Rin's answering machine . . . listening to her voice announcing that she was unavailable.
Knowing that she was avoiding him . . .
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that I'm out the door...
and now I'm done with you... "
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you... "
His classroom in ruins . . . desks and chairs in broken masses on the floor. His rage evident.
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I pick myself off the floor...
and now I'm done with you...
Always...
Always...
Always..."
Rin was everywhere, but no where at the same time . . .
When the song ended, Haru wanted to slap that boy around. He sung it without any emotion, it
was like he was only doing this for show or money. He sang and played like it had no meaning
whatsoever, it was just something to do to pass the time. He stood up as the band, Azusa-san,
Samu-san and Mr. Tone-deaf, came off stage. Azusa, who played base smiled at him, sweat
glistening off her face.
"Well!? What did you think?" She asked taking a long drink of her bottled water.
"Not bad."
"Ah! So this is Azu-chans new boyfriend." Tone-deaf said with a snicker.
Azusa glared at him with obvious dislike, "Shut up Tony."
'Ah! That name fits him so perfectly,' Haru thought to himself.
Tony snickered, "Did I offend you? I'm sorry." Was this guy a total fake or what?
"Just take your pay and leave already," Taki said shoving a check at him. "We'll call if we need
you for our next gig."
"I'll be waiting, Samu," He laughed winking and nudging the boy with his elbow. "See ya later,
pal." He waved at Haru as he walked past. Haru didn't like this guy's attitude.
"My name is Hatsuharu," he stated calmly. "Not 'pal'." Rin would have walked up and punched that
man in the jaw if he had called her a 'pal' in that tone of voice.
"Whatever!" Tony rolled his eyes turning the corner. Yes, he would be dead by now.
Haru gritted his teeth, but let the insult to his pride go. He wasn't planning on going 'Black'
in front of these two. At least they had manners and respect, he wasn't going to embarrass them
by beating up some guy who wasn't even worth the effort. He did come as their somewhat unwilling
guest. "Is he a part of your band?" Haru asked glaring in his general direction.
"No," Azusa said. "We just pay him to sing for us when we really need it. Taki-kun's older
brother used to sing and play lead guitar, but went off to some fancy University in America.
So, we're stuck with Mister Stick-up-the-ass."
"Azu, I can't believe you're being so nice to Tony. Usually, you curse him in every language
known to man and then some." Taki said quietly. He whipped the sweat off his face, chest and
arms with a white, fluffy towel.
"I'm too worn out to do that tonight." She muttered closing her guitar case. "I just hope we
find someone to play with us quickly. I don't think I can put up with him any longer. He's such
a - a - damn I'm at a loss for words I'm so fucking angry! Did you know that he made us pay
double because he missed his so-called date?!"
"No," Haru said. "So, how long have you been looking for someone to play with you?"
"Four months, " Taki sat down in a chair and lit up a cigarette. "Why? You interested?"
"Possibly." Haru said passively.
Azusa looked at him with a big smile, "You can play guitar?"
"Among other instruments." Haru said, slightly embarrassed. He didn't tell very many people about
his interest in music, it always seemed really stupid and boring. He could play piano, guitar,
cello, and flute, not to mention that he stayed up late writing lyrics to songs that would never
be played. Most were about her in a spiral notebook he kept under his bed, but he didn't tell
them that.
"Can you sing?"
He had been in his school choir for two years before going to high school. Yes, he could sing.
"A little."
"This is fucking awesome!" She jumped up and down in a circle clapping her hands. Her
happy-go-lucky, hyperactive personality somewhat reminded him of Momiji, but only when she
wasn't cursing or angry. He got the impression that she could kick his ass if she got angry
enough.
"So what do you think, Taki-kun?! Can we give him a trial run?"
Taki sighed and blew smoke from his mouth, "If you want to. The question is, can he learn the
songs before our next gig? Otherwise we'll still have to rely on dumbass again."
"I can try." Hatsuharu said feeling his combative pride coming on full force.
"Fine, meet us on Tuesday. We practice here, so you'll know where to come." He looked at Azusa,
"What time are we coming in?"
"Ano . . . around four." She looked at haru, "Can you come then?" Rin never asked, she demanded.
"Four is fine, but I have to be at work at five." He said jamming his hands into the pocket of
his coat.
"Where do you work?"
"Strider Bike Shop," He answered simply.
"Wow," She got a dazzled look in her eye. "I'll have to stop by there sometime. It sounds like
it could be interesting. Taki likes bikes, don't you?"
"Yeah."
"Then you guys can come down to the shop and I'll give you a grand tour." He smiled shyly. He
wasn't used to socializing with strangers like this. It was invigorating; he felt like he was
breaking an ancient law.
"It's a date then!" Azusa cried happily. He mentally noted that Rin would have never acted like
Azusa. They were as different as North and South.
"It's a date," He agreed quietly in his monotonous voice.
"Do you need a ride home?" Taki asked crushing his short cigarette stub under his heavy boots.
Haru looked at the boy. At least he was being friendlier, but Haru guessed it was because he was
jealous of the way Azusa was treating him. Haru smiled and shook his head, "Sure."
"Where do you live?" Taki asked.
"Ano . . ."
"Don't tell me you don't know?"
Haru sighed and reached into a pocket on the inside of his jacket. He unzipped it and pulled out
a piece of paper with his address on it. Rin had written it for him one time because he'd
forgotten how to get home; she used to do things like that for him all the time. "Does this
help?"
Taki raised an eyebrow. Haru thought it was because Taki probably thought he was weird for not
knowing his own way home, but actually it was because of the ultra curvy, girlish handwriting.
"I guess. Damn, are your parents rich or something?"
"Not really, "All the Sohma's were financially secure for the rest of their lives, but that fact
did not make them rich.
"Well let's go," Azusa said. "Taki's car is parked around the block."
"So that's why you were walking." Haru said.
* * * *
"Hatsuharu," His father looked at him, "Why are you home so late? It's nearly midnight."
"Sorry," He said taking off his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack. "I got lost again."
"Ah," His father turned back to his computer. "Next time call me, I'll come and pick you up.
It's dangerous to be out so late at night."
"I will." He said going intot he living room and then up the stairs. His father's voice stopped
him midway.
"Do you have to go to work tomorrow?"
"Yes."
"Do you need a ride?"
"No."
"Oh? How will you get there without your bike? You came home in a car." His father pointed out,
never ceasing his typing. "By the way, who did that car belong to?"
"It belongs to my friend Samu Taki," Hatsuharu said coming back down and stopping at the bottom
step. "I left my bike at Shigure's house. Sorry."
"Don't worry, " His father looked over his shoulder at him, "Yuki brought it back for you." He
smiled and winked. "It's in the shed. You should really thank Yuki, he rode it all the way here
from Shigure's and then had to walk to his brothers store."
"I will."
"Go to bed," His father commanded, acting as the caring parental figure. "I'll see you in the
morning."
"Good night."
* * * *
Author's Note:
By Chaos
Chapter 2
Black Haru vs. Rin
I hear... a voice say, "Don't be so blind"...
It's telling me all these things...
that you would probably hide...
am I... your one and only desire...
am I the reason you breathe...
or am I the reason you cry...
"RIN!"
Black Haru hadn't even realized he'd cried out; He felt torn between blind rage and unbearable
sickness that shook him to the core of his heart. It was like an earth shattering enlightenment
opening his eyes to a truth that he had refused to acknowledge. His body was shaking and someone
was laughing. He was laughing; it didn't even sound like him, but it never did. He backhanded a
lamp to the floor; it crashed and shattered, wires hanging from its broken neck. He felt blood
from the cuts on his hand run down his fingers and onto the clean floor, but pain? He felt no
pain. He was too numb to feel pain anymore.
"Running away again?" Black Haru sneered at her, a dangerous smirk playing on his lips. Those,
wild, coal eyes looking into her own, challenging her. "Are you that frightened? Poor little
girl."
//Always... always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you...//
She stopped in the doorway, her head turning to look at him over her shoulder. She'd rarely seen
'Black Haru', and when she did, it had always frightened her to see him become so violent and
cruel. She knew he wasn't acting like his usual self, but she felt her patience being pushed to
its limits. "I'm not scared of you and I never will be."
He stepped forward, his grin widening. "Is that so? The great Rin isn't afraid of anything is
she? Not even -" He snickered as he said this, "Akito-san?"
She spun on him, "Shut up!"
//I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...//
He took another step, this time past Yuki. "Did I hit a nerve?!" He yelled, sick humor filling
his voice.
She walked up to him in long strides and slapped him across the face; "You don't know anything
about me anymore Hatsuharu. You're just a hurt little boy wishing for someone to warm his bed!
Grow up!" She turned to leave but was jerked back as he roughly grabbed her arm.
"LET GO!" Rin yelled angrily.
"Please!" Tohru cried. "Stop it, Hatsuharu-san!" She was holding Kisa to her side as the girl
looked visibly shaken.
"Haru," Yuki laid a hand on his shoulder only to be pushed aside.
"Stay out of this," Haru said dangerously, glaring at the two of them.
"And you," He looked at Rin, grabbing her chin with his free hand to bring her face close to his,
"Have fun at your slumber party. I hope you enjoy your nice, cold bed. You'll eventually come
crying back to me when you realize that Shigure doesn't go after little girls. You're just a
flavor of the week, Babe!"
Her eyes widen in anger and her heart shattered. How could her Haru say something like that to
her? And was he jealous of her relationship with Gure-nii? Instead of showing her hurt, she
furiously glared into his eyes.
"You leave Gure-nii out of this! What I do is none of your business!"
"Awww," He taunted, "Are you going to cry? You certainly had no problem acting like the Ice Queen
of Japan when you broke up with me? I seem to recall you saying something about how we just don't
'click', remember? So, go to your boy toy little girl and enjoy it while it lasts. I'll be
laughing at you when he says the same thing!" He raked his forefinger down her cheek, his blood
staining her perfect white skin. Suddenly, he pushed her out of his way and against the wall.
She winced at the impact.
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
Jerking his coat from the hanger in the closet, he pulled it on and walked out of the house. She
stood and yelled at him, "FUCK YOU, HARU!"
"I wouldn't give you the pleasure." He sneered looking at her over his shoulder. "Who knows where
you've been."
//I guess that I'm out the door...
and now I'm done with you...//
* * * *
"Are you sure you're alright, Isuzu?" Kagura asked concerned deeply for her cousin. She handed
her a cup of warm, steaming tea. The girl's sat in the dining room not even thirty minutes after
Haru had left with a bang. The Sohma males had left as soon as possible, not able to stand the
tension in the house. Rin couldn't stand the look Shigure had sent her when he walked through the
door, but could she forget what Haru said about Shigure? Did Haru really believe that there was
'romance' or even 'lust' between her and the dog of the zodiac? She'd had a small crush on him,
but nothing more. Even going as far as trying to kiss him, but he'd rejected her telling her
straight out that she was too young for his tastes. That would have been the end of it.
"What?" Her head snapped up at Kagura's question.
"I asked if you are alright." Kagura repeated taking a seat beside Tohru.
"I'm fine," She said sternly.
"Don't take what Haru said to heart," Tohru said with a sad smile, "It was 'Black' Haru, he
usually doesn't mean the nasty comments he makes when he's like that."
"I KNOW that." Rin snapped. 'But he IS Haru. Just his more emotional side.' Her mind reminded
her, much to her annoyance.
"Hey!" Uotani slammed her fist on the table, shaking it violently. "Tohru-kun is only trying to
help! You don't have to be rude to her!"
"It's alright, Uo-chan," Tohru said, "I'm not offended. Rin-san is just angry, I understand."
Uotani calmed down at bit, but decided to keep her eye on the one named Sohma Rin. That chick's
attitude problem was beginning to get on her nerves. Uotani could understand her anger. Hell!
She would have kicked that Sohma boy's ass if he talked to her like THAT! But she would have
NEVER taken out her anger on someone as sweet as Tohru. That was uncalled for and she knew that
quiet Hanajima agreed wtih her.
"Sorry," Rin murmured feeling somewhat guilty for snapping at the Honda girl. Deep in thought
she leaned her head against the table, wishing she had never come to this house. Wishing that she
had never seen Haru. But the thing she regretted most, was the fight. It was awful! The things
she'd said, the things he'd said, all of it was a jumble of flashing memories in her brain. She
felt her chest tighten up, but her pride would not allow her to cry. She would never cry again.
* * * *
Haru walked in the cold night weather. The city was alive with lights and music coming from the
various clubs he passed. He hated himself and he wanted to die! Rin's face, twisted in cold rage
burned in his memory. Her eyes had betrayed her angry pride the instant that he'd brought his
face close to hers; right then she'd been ready to cry. He'd seen the tears brimming on her lids,
but not a drop had fallen. At that instant, Black Haru had faded from existence, which completely
explained his quick exit. Despite his harsh words that sounded like Black Haru, it had been
actual Haru saying them. This tore at his conscience. How could he have done something like that?
Keeping up the facade of Black Haru wasn't the brightest thing he'd ever done. Was it for
payback? Did he want revenge for how she hurt him back then? No, he'd long ago promised to never
give up on their relationship. Then why? Why had he transformed into his alter ego at the mere
sight of that girl? Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, Haru realized that he
was lost again.
"Ah shit," He cursed. This wasn't his night at all.
"Hey watch it!" Someone cried aggressively as he knocked into them. It was a boy a bit older than
him with spikey, black hair accentuated with green highlights. He was dressed in all black with
a long trench coat and combat boots. Various silver, metal chains hung from his baggy pants and
he carried two drumsticks in his hand.
"Sorry," Haru mumbled half-heartedly. He was grateful that it hadn't been a girl knocking into
him. That would be bad.
"Don't be so rude, baka!" A girl came out from behind the boy. She had long wine-colored hair
and wore a long black skirt with a slit up to her thigh, knee high boots and a long trench coat
with kanji writing on the sleeves and the Japanese flag. A Yankee. She carried with her a guitar
case and messenger bag. Bowing low she said, "Please excuse him. He's an asshole."
"Feh! He needs to watch where the fuck he's goin." The boy's slang and bad language suited him
well.
"You need to learn courtesy." She frowned at him.
"Feh."
"My name is Yamawa Azusa, " She introduced herself. "And this idiot is Samu Taki. What's your
name, stranger?" She winked and blessed him with a smile. She had a nice smile, though the way
she spoke and her laid back manner reminded him vaguely of Uotani. It must be a Yankee thing.
"Sohma Hatsuharu." He said simply.
"It's a pleasure to meet 'ya, Haru-kun!" She took his limp hand and shook it. "Do you like
music?"
"Huh?" He asked curelessly.
"Music!" She repeated.
"Don't start, Azu." Taki rolled his eyes. "He doesn't need to be badgered by you."
"There's nothing wrong with inviting him to our concert! The more the merrier I say. Besides,
free entry should be worth your never ending rude behavior, baka-Ta!" She whacked him upside the
head.
He merely twitched at her violent onslaught, "Do you insist on hitting me every time I say
something."
"Yes." He sighed and rubbed his forehead in response to her reply.
"So will you come?!" She asked taking his hand with her free one. "PLEASE! You won't regret it,
I promise."
" . . . . "
She took his silence and bewilderment as a yes. She dragged poor Haru down the street by his
hand. He felt Taki's glare heat up his back and neck. He guessed that Azusa was Taki's
significant other. He told himself to apologize later and prayed that Azusa didn't insist on
hugging him. That would be an unexplainable disaster. What would he say?! "Yes, I'm Sohma
Hatsuharu and I'm cursed by the Ox of the Jyuunishi."
"Here we are!" She chuckled. "Don't look so serious!" They stopped in front of a nightclub
called, 'Essence'. There had to be at least hundred people lined up to get inside; the line went
all the way around the corner of the street! The trio walked right past the line and up to a
big, black guard and into the club. It was dark except for strobe lights and colored spotlights
moving around in sync with the music. People danced on the dancing floor, moving and twisting to
the live band as they played hard punkish rock music. Other, more docile or tired people, sat at
tables taking shots and laughing joyously. They headed towards the pool room located at the back
end of the club.
"I always look like this."
She gave him a skeptical look, "Fine then. I'll just have to put a smile on your face!" He
blinked at her, surprised by her energy once again.
* * * *
Rin stepped onto the porch, breathing in the chilly air deeply. Everyone else was in bed in the
living room so Rin was quiet as she shut the door. She leaned against one of the posts holding
up the porch roof and looked at the partly cloudy sky. She remembered a time when Haru and her
would watch the stars. He would point out constellations and tell her their legends in his calm,
soft voice. She mentally smacked herself for thinking of something like that. Old memories didn't
matter because that's all they were. Memories. She couldn't bring back their happy time, nor
could she fix the problem at hand. Truthfully, she was afraid of Haru now. Not because he could
probably beat her up worse then Akito but because she was afraid of getting hurt emotionally and
hurting him in return. It was painful enough to just see him, but the fight had been disgusting.
She was disgusting. She hated herself for all those nasty things she said.
"Rin-san?" Tohru's soft voice reached her ears. "Are you alright, Rin-san?"
"Fine."
Tohru's shoulders slumped, but she was far from disheartened. She sat beside Rin, "If you say
so." She knew that sentimental words would not get through to a stubborn, logical person such
as Rin. So she opted to stay quiet and allow Rin to think peacefully. She looked at the sky and
watched the black clouds float slowly over the crescent moon. "It's beautiful tonight." She said
without thinking.
"Yes," Rin agreed, "It is."
Tohru blinked and looked in Rin's direction. Unshed tears glistened in her eyes, but her face
remained stoic and calm. Tohru thought that Rin had to be the strongest girl she'd ever met.
She'd gone through the night like nothing had happened. She'd hidden her pain for the sake of
others. Rin truly cared about her family, though she rarely showed it to anyone. Tohru hadn't
known Rin that long and she didn't know what had happened between Rin and Haru, but she wanted
to help them. She wanted Rin to open her heart, to let those tears fall. Of course, Tohru knew
that this was unlikely. Rin didn't trust her enough. When she thought about it for a second,
who did Rin trust? Kagura? Shigure? Hatsuharu?
"You can cry if you want to," Tohru said quietly. "I won't tell anybody."
Rin rolled her eyes and glared at the older girl, "I never cry and I'm not going to start now.
You just never butt out of other people's business, do you? You can't fix every problem in the
world, so stop trying."
"I'm sorry," Tohru said. She'd expected Rin to say something like that. It was Rin's method of
pushing others away and keeping herself safe from emotional hurt.
"But," Rin looked at the sky again, "Thanks anyway."
Tohru smiled, "You're welcome. I didn't mean to pry, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," Rin scoffed, "It's getting annoying. You're always saying you're sorry;
reminds me of a more docile version of Ritsu."
Tohru bit back another apology and chuckled, "I guess you're right." The two girls fell into a
silent stalemate, neither knowing what to say to the other. It was a very uncomfortably
situation. Tohru thought that Rin probably didn't want to talk about Haru. That was a big 'No'.
Rin just didn't want to talk. Period. Haru had once told her that talking was overrated and that
people should learn to express their emotions through their actions. If they did, then people
would understand them better; words can get old. He did a good job of proving his theory earlier
that day; she knew exactly what he felt. He hated her with every fiber of his being, and she
didn't blame him.
* * * *
Hatsuharu had sat backstage in a foldout chair. He'd watched the band that Azusa and Taki were
in play; everyone in the club seemed to love them. Their songs were punk-rockish with heavy
guitars, loud drums and base. It was a very good show and he enjoyed it a lot. But one song
reached his ears and heart more then others. His foot went up and down with the drumbeat and
his hands began to strum thin air like he was playing his guitar. The boy singing it appeared
older then he was and had long, shaggy blue and white hair. He wore a pair of dirty, holey
jeans, a tight muscle shirt and no jewelry at all. Personally, Haru thought the boy was tone
deaf. He gave the song no justice, no feeling. And his guitar playing was, to say the best,
mediocre.
"I hear... a voice say, "Don't be so blind"...
it's telling me all these things...
that you would probably hide...
am I... your one and only desire...
am I the reason you breath...
or am I the reason you cry... "
"Always... always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you... "
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that I'm out the door..."
"and now I'm done with you... "
Rin . . .
"I feel... like you don't want me around...
I guess I'll pack all my things...
I guess I'll see you around...
Inside... it bottles up until now...
as I walk out your door...
all I hear is the sound... "
"Always... always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you... "
Rin smiling . . . laughing as the cherry blossoms flew gently in front of her face.
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that I'm out the door...
and now I'm done with you... "
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you... "
Rin's stoic face glaring out the hospital window, bandages on her pale skin highlighted by the
garish sunlight. She never met his eyes.
"I left my head around your heart...
Why would you tear my world apart... "
"Always... always... always... always..."
"I see... the blood all over your hands...
does it make you feel... more like a man...
was it all... just a part of your plan...
this pistol's shakin' in my hands...
and all I hear is the sound... "
Rin's answering machine . . . listening to her voice announcing that she was unavailable.
Knowing that she was avoiding him . . .
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that I'm out the door...
and now I'm done with you... "
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you... "
His classroom in ruins . . . desks and chairs in broken masses on the floor. His rage evident.
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I pick myself off the floor...
and now I'm done with you...
Always...
Always...
Always..."
Rin was everywhere, but no where at the same time . . .
When the song ended, Haru wanted to slap that boy around. He sung it without any emotion, it
was like he was only doing this for show or money. He sang and played like it had no meaning
whatsoever, it was just something to do to pass the time. He stood up as the band, Azusa-san,
Samu-san and Mr. Tone-deaf, came off stage. Azusa, who played base smiled at him, sweat
glistening off her face.
"Well!? What did you think?" She asked taking a long drink of her bottled water.
"Not bad."
"Ah! So this is Azu-chans new boyfriend." Tone-deaf said with a snicker.
Azusa glared at him with obvious dislike, "Shut up Tony."
'Ah! That name fits him so perfectly,' Haru thought to himself.
Tony snickered, "Did I offend you? I'm sorry." Was this guy a total fake or what?
"Just take your pay and leave already," Taki said shoving a check at him. "We'll call if we need
you for our next gig."
"I'll be waiting, Samu," He laughed winking and nudging the boy with his elbow. "See ya later,
pal." He waved at Haru as he walked past. Haru didn't like this guy's attitude.
"My name is Hatsuharu," he stated calmly. "Not 'pal'." Rin would have walked up and punched that
man in the jaw if he had called her a 'pal' in that tone of voice.
"Whatever!" Tony rolled his eyes turning the corner. Yes, he would be dead by now.
Haru gritted his teeth, but let the insult to his pride go. He wasn't planning on going 'Black'
in front of these two. At least they had manners and respect, he wasn't going to embarrass them
by beating up some guy who wasn't even worth the effort. He did come as their somewhat unwilling
guest. "Is he a part of your band?" Haru asked glaring in his general direction.
"No," Azusa said. "We just pay him to sing for us when we really need it. Taki-kun's older
brother used to sing and play lead guitar, but went off to some fancy University in America.
So, we're stuck with Mister Stick-up-the-ass."
"Azu, I can't believe you're being so nice to Tony. Usually, you curse him in every language
known to man and then some." Taki said quietly. He whipped the sweat off his face, chest and
arms with a white, fluffy towel.
"I'm too worn out to do that tonight." She muttered closing her guitar case. "I just hope we
find someone to play with us quickly. I don't think I can put up with him any longer. He's such
a - a - damn I'm at a loss for words I'm so fucking angry! Did you know that he made us pay
double because he missed his so-called date?!"
"No," Haru said. "So, how long have you been looking for someone to play with you?"
"Four months, " Taki sat down in a chair and lit up a cigarette. "Why? You interested?"
"Possibly." Haru said passively.
Azusa looked at him with a big smile, "You can play guitar?"
"Among other instruments." Haru said, slightly embarrassed. He didn't tell very many people about
his interest in music, it always seemed really stupid and boring. He could play piano, guitar,
cello, and flute, not to mention that he stayed up late writing lyrics to songs that would never
be played. Most were about her in a spiral notebook he kept under his bed, but he didn't tell
them that.
"Can you sing?"
He had been in his school choir for two years before going to high school. Yes, he could sing.
"A little."
"This is fucking awesome!" She jumped up and down in a circle clapping her hands. Her
happy-go-lucky, hyperactive personality somewhat reminded him of Momiji, but only when she
wasn't cursing or angry. He got the impression that she could kick his ass if she got angry
enough.
"So what do you think, Taki-kun?! Can we give him a trial run?"
Taki sighed and blew smoke from his mouth, "If you want to. The question is, can he learn the
songs before our next gig? Otherwise we'll still have to rely on dumbass again."
"I can try." Hatsuharu said feeling his combative pride coming on full force.
"Fine, meet us on Tuesday. We practice here, so you'll know where to come." He looked at Azusa,
"What time are we coming in?"
"Ano . . . around four." She looked at haru, "Can you come then?" Rin never asked, she demanded.
"Four is fine, but I have to be at work at five." He said jamming his hands into the pocket of
his coat.
"Where do you work?"
"Strider Bike Shop," He answered simply.
"Wow," She got a dazzled look in her eye. "I'll have to stop by there sometime. It sounds like
it could be interesting. Taki likes bikes, don't you?"
"Yeah."
"Then you guys can come down to the shop and I'll give you a grand tour." He smiled shyly. He
wasn't used to socializing with strangers like this. It was invigorating; he felt like he was
breaking an ancient law.
"It's a date then!" Azusa cried happily. He mentally noted that Rin would have never acted like
Azusa. They were as different as North and South.
"It's a date," He agreed quietly in his monotonous voice.
"Do you need a ride home?" Taki asked crushing his short cigarette stub under his heavy boots.
Haru looked at the boy. At least he was being friendlier, but Haru guessed it was because he was
jealous of the way Azusa was treating him. Haru smiled and shook his head, "Sure."
"Where do you live?" Taki asked.
"Ano . . ."
"Don't tell me you don't know?"
Haru sighed and reached into a pocket on the inside of his jacket. He unzipped it and pulled out
a piece of paper with his address on it. Rin had written it for him one time because he'd
forgotten how to get home; she used to do things like that for him all the time. "Does this
help?"
Taki raised an eyebrow. Haru thought it was because Taki probably thought he was weird for not
knowing his own way home, but actually it was because of the ultra curvy, girlish handwriting.
"I guess. Damn, are your parents rich or something?"
"Not really, "All the Sohma's were financially secure for the rest of their lives, but that fact
did not make them rich.
"Well let's go," Azusa said. "Taki's car is parked around the block."
"So that's why you were walking." Haru said.
* * * *
"Hatsuharu," His father looked at him, "Why are you home so late? It's nearly midnight."
"Sorry," He said taking off his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack. "I got lost again."
"Ah," His father turned back to his computer. "Next time call me, I'll come and pick you up.
It's dangerous to be out so late at night."
"I will." He said going intot he living room and then up the stairs. His father's voice stopped
him midway.
"Do you have to go to work tomorrow?"
"Yes."
"Do you need a ride?"
"No."
"Oh? How will you get there without your bike? You came home in a car." His father pointed out,
never ceasing his typing. "By the way, who did that car belong to?"
"It belongs to my friend Samu Taki," Hatsuharu said coming back down and stopping at the bottom
step. "I left my bike at Shigure's house. Sorry."
"Don't worry, " His father looked over his shoulder at him, "Yuki brought it back for you." He
smiled and winked. "It's in the shed. You should really thank Yuki, he rode it all the way here
from Shigure's and then had to walk to his brothers store."
"I will."
"Go to bed," His father commanded, acting as the caring parental figure. "I'll see you in the
morning."
"Good night."
* * * *
Author's Note:
