This is dedicated to Holi, for all the good times; to Andrea for instigating and shameless plugging; to Lu Yun, who knows that I do not like Remus/Tonks, so stop chanting (the chanting part was for you)!
A pleasant tenor voice echoed through Hogwart's corridors, slowly, it was raised by several octaves to a shrieking falsetto at the very upper edge of hearing. Nymphadora Tonks walked down the hallway, humming tunelessly. Her hair was a short, messy acid red and her eyes gleaming liquid silver. For today, she had opted on a tall and athletic frame, complete with a sleek leather suit and an overlarge black cape. Her dragon hide clad feet were walking aimlessly as she wandered around with blank, almost soulless eyes, staring at a memory far away.
Tonks stopped her shrill humming, clearing her throat loudly. "Fallen in the swamp, Snape? Funny, I thought I should be its first victim," Tonks said pleasantly, using a rather nice trick she had learnt from Remus in Snape-handling, which was to kill him with kindness. Her silvery eyes glowed with amusement, and she smiled ingratiatingly at the Potions Master.
Severus Snape was knee deep in the remains of the Weasley twins' last prank before leaving Hogwarts. His robes were caked with mud and his greasy hair was dripping murky water onto his black robes, which contrasted with his pallid skin. Well, there's an improvement, Tonks thought and she felt her lips curve upwards in a full-fledged grin.
Severus Snape was not the least bit excited by the prospect of meeting Tonks and glared with ill-concealed hatred. "Perhaps it would please you to be the second victim?" He sneered half-heartedly, disarmed by the kind smile plastered on Tonks' face.
Tonks raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow, and said in a sweet, sugary voice, "A lot on your mind, Severus? What could have inspired you to walk into a Portable Swamp then?"
Snape had waded out of it and proceeded to cast several cleaning charms over himself. He looked up suddenly, snorted derisively and replied in his most sarcastic tone, "Of course not. I fancied a midday dip and decided to take advantage of it, MudBlood."
Tonks paled visibly at his response, and her smile wavered. Merlin knows how Remus can stand him, she thought, shuddering in disgust. "Then perhaps, you would like a reintroduction to the *mud* at exists at the bottom of the pond." She had spoken, an outright challenge for them to release their hatred.
Within split seconds, both of them had their wands whipped out and they were circling each other, glaring darkly. Tonks had employed a strategy of distraction by changing her form so rapidly that she became a blur, darting in and out of Snape's vision.
Snape had countered this by launching psychological attacks on her. "So, MudBlood, are you upset? Because your relative is de—"
Tonks lost all control, her emotions changing from amusement to rage faster than any of her transformations. Wand and magical knowledge forgotten, she threw herself at Snape, pinning him to the wall and slammed his fist against it. Snape's wand clattered from his hand.
To say that the Potions Master was surprised was an understatement. Snape was utterly amazed, and to his surprise, he felt curiosity gnawing at his heart. She was Black's niece, no doubts about it (sweet temper and all), but her talent and her sheer mad rage gave her a quality, a regal quality that Black could never have attained. At least, from Snape's point of view.
Tonks' face was inches away from Snape's and he could feel her hot and uneven breath. Her eyes were changing colour rapidly, as though she had lost all sense of control. "He . is . not . dead." She said firmly, her eyes full of false conviction.
Snape regained his scattered senses and pushed Tonks away, gently. "Denial," he muttered, lowering his eyes. "And I am told, that a certain werewolf wants to see you," he added.
Tonks shook her head, as if to clear her mind of thoughts. Then she nodded, turned and walked into the swamp. In between strings of curse words, she looked up apprehensively and met Snape's eyes.
He was bending down to pick up his wand and as he looked up, their eyes locked. Tonks almost thought she had seen a flicker of concern in those cold eyes. But she had probably imagined it, for in the next moment, the man smirked and stalked away, his robes billowing.
~*~
"Snape said you wanted to meet me?" Tonks said as she made her way to the table, knocking down several chairs in the process. Her face was still dark and her clothes mud-sodden.
She followed Remus' amused gaze to where he was staring at—herself. "Oh hell," she muttered. "Scourgify. Scourgify. Scourgify." Then she tucked her wand into her robes and hit her elbow on the edge of the table. Hard.
Remus winced at the wealth of explicit vocabulary flowing out of her lips. "Calm down, Tonks," he said soothingly.
Tonks stopped abruptly and silence descended on the room. "That was so Sirius-esque," she said finally.
Remus nodded. "It's as if he isn't gone," he admitted. "When I wake up in the morning, I can't help feeling that he'd be there to hound me for the rest of the day. Can I go with you? When can I go out? I'm bored… etcetera etc etera…" He took a deep breath and brushed his silver-streaked hair out of his eyes.
Tonks looked away, unwilling to believe. Unwilling to believe that Sirius was gone, and unwilling to believe… everything. Remus, who seldom spoke more than ten words to her everyday, continued. "I'm bored… That usually got us thinking. That's how we invented the Marauder's Map. That's how they became Animagi, for me." Remus' felt his throat constrict painfully. He stared at Tonks with anguish-filled eyes, and a weak smile.
She was staring at an ornate fork in fascination and admiration, as if contemplating on whether to have it crowned the Queen of England. Although she looked as though she was scrutinizing the fork, Remus could see that her knuckles were white from clutching at the armrests.
"It was Sirius' idea. He was unusually subdued during Transfiguration that day. We had lessons on Animagi, you see. Therefore, Sirius—"
"Will you quit it! Have you called me here just to talk to me about Sirius? Or are you unloading all your lovely childhood memories on me? Sirius is dead—and I don't want to talk about him!" Tonks tossed the fork aside and stood up. She was trembling. "And don't you give me that I-am-Mr.-unemotional look. You miss Sirius and you know it!"
Remus, too, stood up. "Sirius was my brother. The alpha wolf of my pack. He led me through everything, protected me regardless of anything. And I couldn't even do anything but watch him die. It hurts me more than anything…" His voice broke as pain clouded his vision. "After Harry ran off after Bellatrix, I couldn't move or stand. The pain literally tore me into pieces when I tried to keep it bottled up. That's why I was yelling and crying." Remus had lost the composure he sorely needed not to go to pieces. He felt vulnerable and utterly drained. The emotional outburst had left him exhausted. He slumped into his chair, muttering, "I do miss him."
"Well, so do I." Tonks said quietly, sitting down once more. "If I had managed to defeat Bellatrix, Sirius would not have…" She shuddered.
Remus frowned and took hold of her shoulders gently. "It's no one's fault. It doesn't matter how he died, what's important is how he lived, as a friend, as a brother, as a man who deserves respect," he said firmly, holding her gaze. Tonks looked pass Remus obstinately. Her eyes seemed to say, 'I killed him'. "Unless, you want to blame the manufacturer of Bellatrix Lestrange's breakfast cereal."
Tonks' lip's curled upwards in spite of herself. "I'll take that as a 'yes'," Remus said lightly. "You're impossible…"
"Thank you, Remus." Tonks said playfully. There was a shrill beeping that made both of them jump. "Oh damn. The Department wants me back, Remus. I'll drop in tonight if you want," Tonks said as she pushed herself from the armchair. "Will you be here?"
Remus' face fell. "Full moon," he said quietly.
Tonks tried to look out the stained glass windows. "Where?" Then her memory caught up with her. "Oh," she said softly. "Are you taking the Wolfsbane potion, then?"
Remus shook his head. "Snape was here to offer me some. But I declined."
"Why—"
Remus smiled. "I'm sure Sirius would have been disappointed if I didn't rip this house apart. You know how he hates his old home." How I wish he were here, even to rip the house apart without Sirius seems odd, Remus thought. He wanted to remember the pain it took to transform, then the joy of running with his friends in the Forbidden Forest.
"I'll come to check on you in the morning then," Tonks said. "Oh shit!" The beep had become loud screeching. "I've really got to go."
Remus held the door open as she left. "I've notified Molly and the others. But would you remind Kingsley that I'm not—er human today?"
"Sure thing, Remus. Bye!" She Apparated.
~*~
The day had been most uneventful for Tonks. She had to file a whole stack for paperwork that was charmed to bite off a person's arm; was yelled at by three different people; yelled at nine others. Now, she was at the Sanitarium in the Ministry of Magic, getting her hand re-attached.
She had been thinking back on her meeting with Remus today. Sue the manufacturer of Lestranges' breakfast cereal… Yeah right, Remus…She chuckled. Remus had been oddly humorous that day. She hadn't spent much time with him, but she had gotten to know him quite well.
He was the quiet and conscientious kind, and kept to himself quite a bit. Today, however, he was cracking jokes and being very companionable. Perhaps it was because Sirius usually took care of the humour part. But then again, staying with Sirius for several months could change anyone's life.
"All done. Alright, Tonks, you're free to go." The nurse smiled at her fondly. You couldn't expect someone you nearly failed in Stealth and Tracking not be a regular patient.
Tonks looked down at her newly attached arm and then out the window. Two hours to dawn, then she would see Remus. She was surprised that she was really looking forward to seeing him. "Thanks," she said absent-mindedly.
"And don't come back soon!" The nurse called as Tonks shuffled out. As Tonks was turning down the corridor, she heard, "Kingsley Shacklebolt? Right, I'll inform his Head."
Something clicked in Tonks' mind, then a heavy weight settled in her stomach. She had forgotten to remind Kingsley! POP!
Tonks Apparated in front of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Her heart hammered wildly when she saw the front door wide open. When she entered there was no sign of Kingsley or the Ministry. But there was the sound of a faint growling, and—
The wolf seemed to be glaring at her, ready to pounce. Tonks raised her wand immediately. Then she saw the wolf's eyes turn troubled, and it seemed a little more blue, instead of chrome. She lowered her wand. It's Remus, he won't attack you. He won't.
But its hackles rose once again, and it looked hungrily at her. It pounced, its muscles tense beneath the sleek rippling coat of silver-gold fur. "Remus," Tonks said desperately. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, she thought. The Marauders, running through the Forbidden Forest. Moony… "Remus, Moony, you don't want to do this. Moony!" she yelled.
The werewolf paused, its posture straight and alert. Then it bolted, snarling and scratching itself savagely.
Stunned, Tonks leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, and lay there for a long time. Outside, the sun was beginning to pierce through the frosted glass.
~*~
At the far end of the room, Remus was huddled against the walls, in a nest of blankets. His head was down, letting his blood-matted hair spilled over his forehead, hiding the scratches.
"Remus," Tonks whispered, as if afraid of provoking him. "Are you alright?" The bundle moved, as a trembling hand, red and raw, lifted the blankets over his head, forming a canopy of protection from his fears, his pain, his demons.
Tonks crept closer. "Remus, I want to help you," she said, with genuine concern in her voice.
Remus flinched. He was not worthy of her concern, he had killed, and he had tasted blood. "Leave me alone," he rasped, hoping that the blanket would muffle his quiet sobbing.
"No."
Remus ripped the blanket off, and glared at her fiercely. "Go away! You think you can help me, but you just can't, Tonks! I've killed… I murdered…" Remus said bitterly, not caring if his tears were clouding his vision. He did not wish to look at Tonks, or anyone, for that matter. He could manage alone, like he always did, until James, Sirius and Peter. Suddenly, he was filled with a sudden revulsion for them. They had helped him, and took away his sense of independence.
But they had also made him human, more human than before, bridging the gap between the savage wolf and the gentle human. With them, mayhap they were only phantoms of his mind, he felt completed.
Tonks crouched down beside him and placed her hand on his shoulder unhesitatingly. "Kingsley is not dead."
Remus paled visibly. "Then, he's a werewolf, isn't he?"
"No. I heard that he had a nasty cut on the head, but he was not bitten." Tonks stroked Remus' hair gently. "You stopped yourself in time."
"But… but I tasted blood," said Remus in disbelief. "The blood was from his cut?" Tonks nodded reassuringly. "I did not hurt you?" he said incredulously, lifting his face.
Tonks gasped. Remus' face was covered in scratches and cuts and his lips were bloodied. "I'll need to get you to St. Mungo's. Any breaks?"
"N—Yes." His body was aching like hell, and some parts were sending out distress signals in the form of excruciating pain. "Not St. Mungo's," he said suddenly. "Please, they'll recognized me for what I am, and they'll tie me up and…" he shuddered, feeling utterly ashamed of the pleading voice that did not seem to come from himself. "Please don't let them get me," he said in a barely audible voice. He trembled, like a small child who had just woken up from a nightmare, desperate for the love he did not have.
"I promise," Tonks said, her heart filled with an inexplicable emotion as she met Remus' pleading eyes. They were pain-filled and full of harrowing memories and fears. "Morbilicorpus."
~*~
Remus' cuts had been healed and his body restored to perfection. But he was still pale and exhausted. Tonks surveyed him from the next bed, slightly unnerved by the calm look displayed on his face.
Underneath, a conflict of emotions was taking place. His calm slipped, letting his emotions wage war openly. "Why didn't you tell Kingsley?" Remus said, staring straight ahead. But you should have told him yourself, you arsehole, Remus thought. "I'm sorry," he said immediately. "I'm such an idiot."
"Yes, you are," Tonks said coolly. She stood up and walked over to Remus' bed.
Remus glared at her fiercely, letting the residual flash of his wolf personality show. "What do you mean?"
"You, Remus, are an idiot for thinking you can handle this alone. You're a pain in the neck, an arsehole, an arrogant idiot," Tonks said with equally ferocity. When she meant 'this', she had made it clear that it was not only his transformation, but also unhealed soul.
"I didn't do it alone, Tonks. I heard them—Sirius and James. And they were singing, 'who's afraid of the big bad wolf', like they always did." Remus broke off, realizing how absurd he sounded. But Tonks stared at him, intrigued. "I knew it was them, and they sounded happy, together at last."
"Are you feeling alright, Remus? You don't have to handle this alone, you know," Tonks said quietly.
"You don't believe me," Remus stated, the bitterness in his voice almost tangible.
Tonks was beginning to feel irritated. "No, I don't. No one else will anyway," she said shortly.
"Well, I don't need your help either," Remus snapped. There was a long moment of silence.
"I'm sorry," they said simultaneously, then looked at each other briefly.
"I'm sorry," Remus repeated. "I'm not myself lately." He shrugged.
Tonks smiled. "I've heard from Kingsley. He says it was his fault that he scraped his head, and he doesn't blame you the slightest for scaring the hell out of him."
Remus looked surprised. "And he doesn't blame me?" Remus said incredulously.
"Not in the slightest."
"And you?"
"Absolutely not."
~*~
Remus saw a lot of Tonks in the next few weeks, and thought of her even more. Every piece of news from her brought a smile to his face and made them both burst out laughing for no reason. But he could not identify the surge of emotion that surged up in him every time she laughed or tried out a new form. Naturally, he could hardly wait for her to visit today.
"Nymphadora?" Remus asked tentatively. Tonks' eyebrows almost shot out of her face. Something Was Up. "Professor Dumbledore um… he wants me to attended a meeting… an informal meeting with a dance… to convince some uh… people to join. So, I was thinking, if you wouldn't mind, maybe I could… you could. You know…" Remus was blushing most awkwardly.
Tonks almost started out of her chair. "What! Why me? I mean, don't you know any other girls?"
"As a matter of fact, I do know Hermione and a few other female students but they're not uh.. appropriate." Remus could almost see the negative reply forming in Tonks' mind. He would take a chance. "Besides, of them all, you are certainly the most eligible for a dance or two," he said with a playful wink.
"Okay," Tonks said uncertainly. "Should I prepare now… Pick one, old hag, or pretty lady."
"Old hag. The ball starts at seven."
~*~
Remus could not believe his eyes when he saw Tonks come down the stairs. Nymphadora was stunningly beautiful and certainly had a name glamorous enough for her now.
She wore a strapless gown with loose silk pooling at her shoulders, which were marble smooth. The gown was pure white and ended at her mid- thigh, accentuating her ethereal beauty and revealing her statuesque legs in full. Her hair was midnight black, highlighted with dark blue streaks and gathered onto her head in an elegant knot. Tendrils of hair, delicately twisted, swept across her forehead and down to her waist. Her eyes were a mysterious purple and her every feature sculpted perfectly on her soft oval face.
As she walked down the stairs, her gray cloak billowed, occasionally touching the heels of her soft leather boots. Tonks smiled nervously as she walked down the stairs, placing one foot carefully in front of the other, like a child learning how to walk and determined not to fall. She was so absorbed in her task that she did not noticed Remus staring at her.
Remus felt his throat going dry. Coherent speech seemed to have left him long ago and he found himself at a loss for words when Tonks came sailing down the stair, smiling sweetly. "I… you… By Merlin!" Remus blurted out.
"Why, thank you, Remus," Tonks smiled cheekily. "You don't look half bad either." In truth, Tonks thought that Remus looked very good in his loose wizarding robes that were, curiously enough, made of black leather. Although Remus did not have the dashing good looks that Sirius had possessed, his looks were more conservative (which meant that he did not go to lengths to paint himself green). His gray streaked hair was unruly, flopping over his forehead and his eyes were an odd bluish-yellow. As his sensuous lips curved up happily, Tonks felt something unfamiliar flutter in her chest.
"You are a feast for the eyes, Nymphadora," Remus whispered, and held out his arm to her gallantly. Protocol demanded it, but Remus knew that this was not just a matter of politesse.
Tonks felt oddly surprised when Remus said her name. Most people said it like it was some brand of cat food, but Remus' voice had an odd ringing sound when he said it. She liked it. "Was this the biking suit, Remus?" She said in a melodious and lilting voice.
Remus blushed faintly. "Yes. Sirius made me wear a tight leather biker's suit for one of my dates during my sixth year. And it nearly suffocated me, so I enlarged it," he said sheepishly.
"Sirius told me that you forgot your date's name. And when James dated someone, he accidentally toppled a shelf of Butterbeer on her," she said laughingly.
Remus grinned. "Have you ever heard of Sirius' dating incidences? He painted himself green because he thought he ought to match it with his green robes." Their laughter chimed, like silver bells.
~*~
"Remus, since we've done speaking about the *cough*, take your lovely companion to the dance floor. Don't bore the lady." Saying that, the fat wizard bustled off to join his dance partner.
"Nymphadora, may I have this dance?" Tonks nodded. She had taken a potion before the dance, to enchant her to move without causing any mishaps.
As they entered the dance floor, the music switched to a fast song. Tonks spotted the panic in Remus' eyes, and with confidence that she had never felt before, she grabbed his hand and begin twisting and dancing to the tango.
Remus tried his best to keep up with her. Her wild and sinuous movements enchanted him, the vivid way her lissome body danced to the song with fervour and rhythmic exactitude. May I ask, what am I thinking? Remus thought. Then he concluded that he must have been getting a little demented.
The fast song ended, and Tonks finished with a whirl into Remus' arms. She looked up at him questionably, wondering if he was bored. Remus took hold of her waist firmly as the waltz started to play.
They looked into each other's eyes and smiled. It felt queer to be holding the other like that. Tonks felt her heart beat quicken when she looked at Remus. She wondered what it was like to feel his lips on hers when she saw the man run his tongue over his glossy lips nervously. The lights danced on his hair and skin, making him look most alluring. She wanted to touch him, touch his well-sculpted face and feel his body.
Remus felt Tonks' hand finger the back of his neck, stroking his locks slowly. Her eyes were closed, and her head slightly uplifted, making her features appear more exquisite and enticing. She was in the perfect position to be kissed. Remus chided himself for thinking such thoughts. He was drawing her closer, edging closer and closer, until his forehead was pressing against hers.
Tonks opened her eyes when she felt Remus' warm skin against hers. He reared back immediately, looking very ashamed. "I… I just wanted to see… the colour of your eyes," he finished lamely.
At that moment, their gazes locked, they beheld love in a frenzied passion, with all its whims expelling doubt of any kind. The sweet strains of music faded to a distant drone, along with the rest of the noise. At that very moment, the world seemed to exist only for Remus and Tonks, the moment that seemed like a cross between reality and dream.
Their lips met and they were drawn into each other, their tongues probing and exploring eagerly. Tonks buried her fingers in Remus' hair, clutching desperately as if they never wanted to let go.
But they did.
Tonks pushed Remus away suddenly and ran without looking back.
~*~
"Did you see that? The look on Moony's face was priceless!" James Potter laughed, rolling in his chair.
"Stop changing the topic, Prongs. You lost the bet, now you owe me ten galleons," Sirius said, waggling his finger at his best friend.
"We don't have galleons here, Sirius," Lily reminded. This sent James laughing loudly in amusement.
"Hahahahaha… haha-oof!" Sirius had tackled him and they both rolled on the ground, laughing madly.
"I don't believe Moony! The moment I get out of there, he bags my niece." Sirius looked very proud as he said that. "I always knew he had it in him."
"I really hope it turns out well…"
"Ha! Sure you do—just so you can win the bet!"
"Padfoot, do me favour and—"
Sirius covered his ears and hummed loudly. "Can't hear you…"
"Shush, you two. Remus is going to say something…"
~*~
"…I think I love you."
~*~
The entire room exploded in wolf whistles and Lily was treated to Sirius and James' chanting.
"WHO'S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF…"
"TONKS AND REMUS! TONKS AND REMUS!" Lily laughed and joined in as well.
~*~
As Tonks nodded and rested her head on his shoulder, Remus thought he heard two men chanting 'Who's afraid of the big bad wolf'.
Tonks' eyes lit up suddenly. "I heard them. I really did," she said, her eyes shining.
He grinned and embraced Tonks. "I want you, forever."
~*~
"That's it. They're really in love," Sirius shook his head in mock disappointment.
"They really are, you know. I mean, Tonks will be able to hear us occasionally (when you two keep yelling), because of her link with Remus," Lily said matter-of-factly. She turned to the two men and said sternly, "You two had better watch your mouth from now on."
A Look was exchanged between Sirius and James.
"Ha! Now you owe me ten galleons, Padfoot."
Sirius looked and Lily and said very deliberately. "The *Hell* I do, Prongs."
He will be attacked in approximately 9.2 seconds (human time).
A/N: I have nothing to say. Really.
Disclaimer: Everything that I do not claim belongs to someone else, including time, space and the universe. And the little fluffy bunny there (you didn't notice it. Too bad.).
Okay, first of all, there is some explaining to be done.
I'm not a Remus/Tonks shipper. Go look for Andrea—I blame it all on her. That is probably why this fic is a little uh.. odd. And… I described Remus as HOT but I'm a Sirius fan so Sirius is BURNING HOT, BOILING! And… I added James, Sirius and Lily in as a… sort of tribute to them. Because they will always live on. If anyone wants to know how they got to watch Remus and Tonks, use your imagination. Maybe its some sort of TV, or not. Who knows what they can do on the other side.
Secondly,
~ Sirius Black—may the dream the fires your soul never wane, and your star illuminate the world forever. ~
In other words, be honoured that I'm crying for you.
Thirdly, I'm really sorry for writing this. Really, really. This was the product of my deranged mind at 3 AM.
I did have nothing to say.
