The legend of Zelda (screwed version)
Our story begins in the kokiri forest, as a very weird day begins.
Deku tree: Navi, go fetch that freakish hobo Nintendo hired.
Navi: Awe, do I have to?
Deku tree: Yes you little faggot, why would I have said it?
Navi: Okay, god why do you yell over every damn thing?
Deku tree: Do not question me or I will smite you!
Navi: Cool, smite me, I'm serious!
Deku tree: Stop being a smartass and go!
Navi: Fine, but you're still a faggot! (Running away)
Deku tree: I'll remember that you pixie bitch!
Navi: what's the point, you're going to die a slow and painful death!
At Links house
Navi: Wake up faggot! Don't you know what today is?
Link: Errrrr, What?
Navi: Hey lazyass, wake uuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!
(Link grabs and chokes Navi)
Link: Who sent a little bitch like you?
Navi: Who else, the stupid tree who wants you to risk your life for no
reason!
Link: Awesome! What an honor!
Navi: O_O
Link: Let's go!
Link: Uh-oh, it's that faggot who bitches around us, but kisses our asses
in front of that tree guy! (Whispering to Navi)
Navi: ~_O
Saria: Hey retard, the word around the street is you got a fairy, but I
hear it's a gay faggot just like you! Ha ha ha ha!
Navi: DIE BITCH!
(Navi tackles Saria and takes a knife to her head)
Saria: If you let me go I'll give you this shiny ocarina!
Link: what does it do?
Saria: Completely nothing!
Navi & Link together: Awesome!
(Saria hands them the ocarina and runs away)
Saria: Stupid jackasses! (Then she trips over a log) Oh shit!
Navi: (Looking at the ocarina) Shiny...... Oh yeah we need to get a sword
and a shield, to go see the stupid tree!
Link: Lets go check that hole over there, nobody will care if we take that
dagger!
Navi: Okay!
(Link and Navi enter the hole and on the other side a swat team surrounds
them.)
Link & Navi together: HOLY SHIT!
Link: What's the big deal over a little dagger?
Swat team: All we know is some guy named Mido hired us to stop you from
beating Zelda.
Link: Damn, how much did he pay you?
Swat team: 6548337575636564465 rubbies!
Link & Navi: O_O
Swat team: Look, it's a shiny junebug! Squash it!
Navi: YIPE! (The swat team starts chasing Navi, so link has time to take
the dagger.)
At the store
Link: I'd like to buy the shield please.
Clerk: I'll sell it to you for 64388365473786 rubbies!
Link: Why?
Clerk: Because I don't want you to beat Zelda!
Link: How about I beat your ass and take it from you!
Clerk: Good point, have a nice day! (While Link walks out, the clerk flips
him off)
Link: Alright Mido, move I got the sword and shield!
Mido: How the hell did you get past my swat team?
Link: That's not important, move bitch.
(Mido moves out of the way, then gives Link a weddgie, and runs)
Link: you'd better run, faggot!
(Link & Navi go to see the Deku tree, Link falls to his knee's imeadeantly)
Link: Your graciousness!
Deku tree: Get up faggot, stop kissing my ass! (Link gets up)
Link: Fine, you ungrateful bitch!
Deku tree: I'm beginning to hate you more each day!
Now hurry up and risk your life for no reason!
Link: Thank you for this honor your gratefulness!
Navi & Deku tree: ~__O
(The Deku tree sucks Link inside his mouth)
Navi: Yes, you got rid of the faggot!
Deku tree: Navi, you must go too!
Navi: SHIT! (The Deku tree sucks Navi in and then does a dance)
Deku tree: Party my children, I've gotten rid of them!
*Inside the Deku tree*
(Link & Navi enter to see one big room with no doors or anything)
Navi: Do you Know what this means?
Link & Navi together: No adventure, no puzzles, & no boss!
Link: The writer knows that we are a bunch of lazyasses! YAY!
(They leave the Deku tree to see that the stone is on the ground & the Deku
tree is dead, so they start partying)
(Whenever they leave they see Mido blocking the way)
Mido: I won't let you leave until you tell me why you murdered him!
Link: We didn't murder him faggot, Ganondorf did! Duh!
Mido: Oops, sorry, I'm stupid!
Link: See ya' we're leaving!
(Mido tries to give him a weddgie, but Link swings around and accidentally
kills him)
Everybody together: Murderer! That's the second one!
Swat team: They must be stopped! (They start chasing Link and Navi)
*At Hyrule field*
Link: Finally, we lost them!
Navi: Come on, we've got to walk across the field!
Link: Easy for you to say, you don't have to walk!
Navi: Stop bitching and go!
Link: Okay!
*At the gates*
Link: c'mon, we can still make it!
(Gate closes)
Link: Damn it! We'll have to sleep here tonight.
(Link is wakened next morning by rocks slamming into his head.)
Link: Ow! (A little girl named Malon was throwing rocks at him)
Link: Hey, stop!
Malon: I wanted to ask you to look for my dad!
Link: Why should I? You were throwing stuff at me!
Malon: Because I'll give you this useless, pathetic egg!
Link: I'll do it! (She gives him the egg, slaps him, and runs away) Ow!
(They go to the castle where they see Malon's dad is sleeping)
Navi: Can I slap him? Pleeeeeeaaaaaaaase?
Link: Sure! (She slaps him)
Malon's dad: Ow! Why the hell did you do that? Why you little-!
(He starts strangling Navi)
Link: Hey, your daughter wants you! She says you're late!
Malons dad: Oh no, I'd better hurray, I'm gonna' get double whippings for
this! Master, I'm coming! (He runs away)
Link & Navi: O_O
Navi: Let's go in that hole, so we can see Zelda.
Link: Okay! (They go in the hole)
Link: We have to be very quiet. (Whispering to Navi)
(Then the chicken goes cock-a-doodle-doo)
Guards: What the hell was that?
Link: Nothing! Guards: Okay! (The guards ignore it)
Navi: O__O
(They reach princess Zelda's room and Link immediately falls to his knees)
Link: Your MA-A-AJ-J-JESTY!!!!!
(Zelda runs beside him and starts kicking him and beating him to a pulp)
Link: What the hell is wrong with you, bitch?!?!
Zelda: YES, DIE STUPID BASTERD! (Then she stops) Oops! I just start hitting
people who fall to the ground.
Link: That's it bitch, your going down! (Link tries to hit her, but Navi
holds him back) Navi: Stop, you freak!
Zelda: Here's a letter! (She gives it to him, slaps him, and runs away)
Zelda: I've got anger management classes right now!
Navi: Let's go! (But Link is shooting Mario's picture)
Link: YAY! DIE FAGGOT-ASS PLUMMER! Oops, I mean, what fun! Navi: O___O.
Let's go!
Link: Did you know that I could see up her dress when she was beating the
shit out of me?
Navi: O_____O. Too much info there!
(When they are walking out a lady named Impa stopped them)
Impa: Want me to strip?
Link: YESSSSSSS! (Navi slaps Link) Navi: NOOOO!
Impa: Then take this item that puts Zelda to sleep! (She hands him a
needle)
Link: Cool, now I can put her to sleep, then I can take her-
Navi: Uh, Lets go!
That's it for now, if I get five reviews, I'll continue.
Our story begins in the kokiri forest, as a very weird day begins.
Deku tree: Navi, go fetch that freakish hobo Nintendo hired.
Navi: Awe, do I have to?
Deku tree: Yes you little faggot, why would I have said it?
Navi: Okay, god why do you yell over every damn thing?
Deku tree: Do not question me or I will smite you!
Navi: Cool, smite me, I'm serious!
Deku tree: Stop being a smartass and go!
Navi: Fine, but you're still a faggot! (Running away)
Deku tree: I'll remember that you pixie bitch!
Navi: what's the point, you're going to die a slow and painful death!
At Links house
Navi: Wake up faggot! Don't you know what today is?
Link: Errrrr, What?
Navi: Hey lazyass, wake uuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!
(Link grabs and chokes Navi)
Link: Who sent a little bitch like you?
Navi: Who else, the stupid tree who wants you to risk your life for no
reason!
Link: Awesome! What an honor!
Navi: O_O
Link: Let's go!
Link: Uh-oh, it's that faggot who bitches around us, but kisses our asses
in front of that tree guy! (Whispering to Navi)
Navi: ~_O
Saria: Hey retard, the word around the street is you got a fairy, but I
hear it's a gay faggot just like you! Ha ha ha ha!
Navi: DIE BITCH!
(Navi tackles Saria and takes a knife to her head)
Saria: If you let me go I'll give you this shiny ocarina!
Link: what does it do?
Saria: Completely nothing!
Navi & Link together: Awesome!
(Saria hands them the ocarina and runs away)
Saria: Stupid jackasses! (Then she trips over a log) Oh shit!
Navi: (Looking at the ocarina) Shiny...... Oh yeah we need to get a sword
and a shield, to go see the stupid tree!
Link: Lets go check that hole over there, nobody will care if we take that
dagger!
Navi: Okay!
(Link and Navi enter the hole and on the other side a swat team surrounds
them.)
Link & Navi together: HOLY SHIT!
Link: What's the big deal over a little dagger?
Swat team: All we know is some guy named Mido hired us to stop you from
beating Zelda.
Link: Damn, how much did he pay you?
Swat team: 6548337575636564465 rubbies!
Link & Navi: O_O
Swat team: Look, it's a shiny junebug! Squash it!
Navi: YIPE! (The swat team starts chasing Navi, so link has time to take
the dagger.)
At the store
Link: I'd like to buy the shield please.
Clerk: I'll sell it to you for 64388365473786 rubbies!
Link: Why?
Clerk: Because I don't want you to beat Zelda!
Link: How about I beat your ass and take it from you!
Clerk: Good point, have a nice day! (While Link walks out, the clerk flips
him off)
Link: Alright Mido, move I got the sword and shield!
Mido: How the hell did you get past my swat team?
Link: That's not important, move bitch.
(Mido moves out of the way, then gives Link a weddgie, and runs)
Link: you'd better run, faggot!
(Link & Navi go to see the Deku tree, Link falls to his knee's imeadeantly)
Link: Your graciousness!
Deku tree: Get up faggot, stop kissing my ass! (Link gets up)
Link: Fine, you ungrateful bitch!
Deku tree: I'm beginning to hate you more each day!
Now hurry up and risk your life for no reason!
Link: Thank you for this honor your gratefulness!
Navi & Deku tree: ~__O
(The Deku tree sucks Link inside his mouth)
Navi: Yes, you got rid of the faggot!
Deku tree: Navi, you must go too!
Navi: SHIT! (The Deku tree sucks Navi in and then does a dance)
Deku tree: Party my children, I've gotten rid of them!
*Inside the Deku tree*
(Link & Navi enter to see one big room with no doors or anything)
Navi: Do you Know what this means?
Link & Navi together: No adventure, no puzzles, & no boss!
Link: The writer knows that we are a bunch of lazyasses! YAY!
(They leave the Deku tree to see that the stone is on the ground & the Deku
tree is dead, so they start partying)
(Whenever they leave they see Mido blocking the way)
Mido: I won't let you leave until you tell me why you murdered him!
Link: We didn't murder him faggot, Ganondorf did! Duh!
Mido: Oops, sorry, I'm stupid!
Link: See ya' we're leaving!
(Mido tries to give him a weddgie, but Link swings around and accidentally
kills him)
Everybody together: Murderer! That's the second one!
Swat team: They must be stopped! (They start chasing Link and Navi)
*At Hyrule field*
Link: Finally, we lost them!
Navi: Come on, we've got to walk across the field!
Link: Easy for you to say, you don't have to walk!
Navi: Stop bitching and go!
Link: Okay!
*At the gates*
Link: c'mon, we can still make it!
(Gate closes)
Link: Damn it! We'll have to sleep here tonight.
(Link is wakened next morning by rocks slamming into his head.)
Link: Ow! (A little girl named Malon was throwing rocks at him)
Link: Hey, stop!
Malon: I wanted to ask you to look for my dad!
Link: Why should I? You were throwing stuff at me!
Malon: Because I'll give you this useless, pathetic egg!
Link: I'll do it! (She gives him the egg, slaps him, and runs away) Ow!
(They go to the castle where they see Malon's dad is sleeping)
Navi: Can I slap him? Pleeeeeeaaaaaaaase?
Link: Sure! (She slaps him)
Malon's dad: Ow! Why the hell did you do that? Why you little-!
(He starts strangling Navi)
Link: Hey, your daughter wants you! She says you're late!
Malons dad: Oh no, I'd better hurray, I'm gonna' get double whippings for
this! Master, I'm coming! (He runs away)
Link & Navi: O_O
Navi: Let's go in that hole, so we can see Zelda.
Link: Okay! (They go in the hole)
Link: We have to be very quiet. (Whispering to Navi)
(Then the chicken goes cock-a-doodle-doo)
Guards: What the hell was that?
Link: Nothing! Guards: Okay! (The guards ignore it)
Navi: O__O
(They reach princess Zelda's room and Link immediately falls to his knees)
Link: Your MA-A-AJ-J-JESTY!!!!!
(Zelda runs beside him and starts kicking him and beating him to a pulp)
Link: What the hell is wrong with you, bitch?!?!
Zelda: YES, DIE STUPID BASTERD! (Then she stops) Oops! I just start hitting
people who fall to the ground.
Link: That's it bitch, your going down! (Link tries to hit her, but Navi
holds him back) Navi: Stop, you freak!
Zelda: Here's a letter! (She gives it to him, slaps him, and runs away)
Zelda: I've got anger management classes right now!
Navi: Let's go! (But Link is shooting Mario's picture)
Link: YAY! DIE FAGGOT-ASS PLUMMER! Oops, I mean, what fun! Navi: O___O.
Let's go!
Link: Did you know that I could see up her dress when she was beating the
shit out of me?
Navi: O_____O. Too much info there!
(When they are walking out a lady named Impa stopped them)
Impa: Want me to strip?
Link: YESSSSSSS! (Navi slaps Link) Navi: NOOOO!
Impa: Then take this item that puts Zelda to sleep! (She hands him a
needle)
Link: Cool, now I can put her to sleep, then I can take her-
Navi: Uh, Lets go!
That's it for now, if I get five reviews, I'll continue.
