The legend of Zelda (Screwed version) ch.2
(Link and Navi were heading to the gate when a guard hits Link on the head
with his stick)
Guard: YAY! Whacking little faggots is fun! DIE BITCH! (He hits him again)
Link: Hey, you bastard, stop! (He stops) Let us through the gate!
Guard: You must get a bigger shield! Tell the clerk that I hate you and not
to sell you the shield because you wouldn't let me hit you!
(Link and Navi go in the store and see a big ugly freak that looks like
hagrid drinking beer)
Link: Sir, how much is the shield? (The drunken clerk starts slamming the
shield into Link's head)
Clerk: Leave my mommy alone!
Link: what are you doing you crazy bitch? (The clerk stops, stares at Navi,
then drops the shield next to Link)
Clerk: Ooooooooo! I want to play with Tinkerbelle! (The clerk grabs and
chokes Navi) Mommy, it's broken!
Navi: Run, he's crazy! (Link grabs the shield and they both run out of the
store and head for the gate where the guard is)
Link: We got the shield, now open the gate!
Guard: No! I don't have to!( Link takes out a piece of paper)
Link: We've got a letter from the princess!
Guard: Let me see!( He takes the letter and reads it) This is no letter,
this is a picture of a knife stuck through your head and the princess is
luaghing at you! Bwa ha ha ha ha! You look stupid!
Link: C'mon, lemme' through the gate!
Guard: Can I hit you once?
Link: Only if you open the gate!
Guard: Yay! ( He hits Link twenty times on the head)
Link: I said once!
Guard: Sorry!( He clicks his heels and the gate opens) Umm, can I ask one
more favor of you, I mean you don't have to but I'm going to ask. Will you
bring me some weed? My son told me it's great stuff, he smokes it all the
time and feels relaxed.
Link & Navi: O_____O
(Link and Navi continue up the hill to the mountains where they see a bunch
of drunk Gorons drinking)
Goron1: What-up homie-G!
Link: Nothin' much, waddup' with you!
Goron2: Nothin' we're hung over and drunk!
Link: What was the party about?
Goron1: Some guy named ganondorf said that he shut off our food and destroy
us so we got hi- and had some fun!
Navi: ~__O ( Navi and link head to the room where Daruna waits)
Daruna: Yo-yo-yo my homie-G, take this braclet to give you, a brother some
strength!( He gives him the braclet, then Link and Navi destroy the rock)
Goron1: Thank you my brother, now you must destroy da' monsta' in there! (
They continue on their way to the monster)
To be continuded.
(Link and Navi were heading to the gate when a guard hits Link on the head
with his stick)
Guard: YAY! Whacking little faggots is fun! DIE BITCH! (He hits him again)
Link: Hey, you bastard, stop! (He stops) Let us through the gate!
Guard: You must get a bigger shield! Tell the clerk that I hate you and not
to sell you the shield because you wouldn't let me hit you!
(Link and Navi go in the store and see a big ugly freak that looks like
hagrid drinking beer)
Link: Sir, how much is the shield? (The drunken clerk starts slamming the
shield into Link's head)
Clerk: Leave my mommy alone!
Link: what are you doing you crazy bitch? (The clerk stops, stares at Navi,
then drops the shield next to Link)
Clerk: Ooooooooo! I want to play with Tinkerbelle! (The clerk grabs and
chokes Navi) Mommy, it's broken!
Navi: Run, he's crazy! (Link grabs the shield and they both run out of the
store and head for the gate where the guard is)
Link: We got the shield, now open the gate!
Guard: No! I don't have to!( Link takes out a piece of paper)
Link: We've got a letter from the princess!
Guard: Let me see!( He takes the letter and reads it) This is no letter,
this is a picture of a knife stuck through your head and the princess is
luaghing at you! Bwa ha ha ha ha! You look stupid!
Link: C'mon, lemme' through the gate!
Guard: Can I hit you once?
Link: Only if you open the gate!
Guard: Yay! ( He hits Link twenty times on the head)
Link: I said once!
Guard: Sorry!( He clicks his heels and the gate opens) Umm, can I ask one
more favor of you, I mean you don't have to but I'm going to ask. Will you
bring me some weed? My son told me it's great stuff, he smokes it all the
time and feels relaxed.
Link & Navi: O_____O
(Link and Navi continue up the hill to the mountains where they see a bunch
of drunk Gorons drinking)
Goron1: What-up homie-G!
Link: Nothin' much, waddup' with you!
Goron2: Nothin' we're hung over and drunk!
Link: What was the party about?
Goron1: Some guy named ganondorf said that he shut off our food and destroy
us so we got hi- and had some fun!
Navi: ~__O ( Navi and link head to the room where Daruna waits)
Daruna: Yo-yo-yo my homie-G, take this braclet to give you, a brother some
strength!( He gives him the braclet, then Link and Navi destroy the rock)
Goron1: Thank you my brother, now you must destroy da' monsta' in there! (
They continue on their way to the monster)
To be continuded.
