~ Shinigami's Wanted Retreat ~
By: Anime Redneck
7-13-03
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Disclaimer: I don't own the Guys! I also don't own "Mr. Custard" by Ray Stevens ^_^ But I do own meh plot and meh truck an' ye canna 'ave either!
"~Lyrics~"
"Regular speaking" ^_^
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~oOo@oOo~
'
"Heero no!" Shaking his head furiously, braid whipping his back Duo stood his ground in their shared room, clothes thrown around him from lack of cleaning that he couldn't give a damn about at the moment. "Hell No! No way! Not Happening!" stomping his boot clad foot childishly he went on, "As in go screw a tree. Stuff the stick back up your ass! Sign me up for bead weaving! I ain't goin'!!"
Frowning toward his child like roommate Heero tried to find out why the braided pilot was having such a strong reaction toward going shopping. Didn't Duo enjoy shopping? So what was so different from this time around? Tilting his head to the side cutely, kicking a pile of shirts out of his way Heero studied the other teen closely.
It was nearly four months after the final war. They had survived, partied, and had moved into one of Quatre's larger estates to keep together; finding each of them were calmest when together, felt safer in a different way from when the wars were going on. So together they moved into the Winner estate on Earth in Brenham, TX... one of the few states to survive sticking together through all of the mass destruction of the time. Even Heero had to admit, Texas was a mighty big state and would take a severe concentrated bombing to destroy it. Luckily as their case may be, Texas was firmly in one piece, complete with beautiful wooded lands... like the six hundred acres the estate was positioned on for instance.
Three out of the five of them had decided to get their high school diplomas (and even a few college credits) completed through internet courses, each having had enough of schools while boarding in them for missions. Quatre and Trowa had stated the want of doing the same thing to satisfy those the needed the proof, but doing so would be a long process with their time being tied up in WEI. Quatre's position as CEO was more demanding then he had thought it was going to be; it seemed his sisters had not taken proper care of history files and now there was a mess of knots to straighten out. Trowa was his new head of security and his personal bodyguard; also helped a great deal in loosening his tightened muscles along with paper knots.
Today was a rare day when all five of them had the chance to be together to do something. Usually it was just he, Duo and Wufei left alone at the estate with the few servants kept there and one or four of the Magnaucs when they decided to drop by for a visit. Which was nearly every week; so someone from the massive group was always there.
Relena had stayed as VFM for the United Sphere. She had assured them on more then one instance that the job was less demanding this time around then it had been during the war. Both parties of Earth and Space have been more then corporative in hammering out the peace treaties. It would be a long time in coming before they were all said and done, the bonds tied, but they were getting there. Now, was her free day; she was also at the mansion.
Heero's one brow shot up, eyes locking on the braided boy rooting through the piles of clothes for a clean shirt to wear. Was that why Duo was being such a... a... What was the term again? Pain in the ass? Because Relena was here? Mentally shaking his head, foot kicking up a deep green button up shirt to the other boy, he sighed. No that couldn't be the reason for his heel digging now... He actually liked Relena once she took her preverbal claws out of his Japanese back and admitted it was just a crush. The American nearly threw himself on the blonde as Relena told him "Heero's all yours Duo-kun!" walking off with a happy skip to her steps.
Shaking his head again still trying to figure it out Heero was about to give up. Watching the others muscles ripple as the green shirt slid into his slim well-developed form. "Why are you being a childish brat?"
"What!?" Had he heard right? Did Heero Yuy... the ex-Perfect Soldier just call him a Brat!? Blinking large violet eyes, Duo took a step forward, one hand raising on it's own violation poking at the hard soft chest below it. No, it was real. That was definitely his Heero... "I'm not a brat!" snapping back automatically after getting over the mild shock, Duo slumped onto the foot of his bed leaning over to slip shoes and socks on muttering.
"You love to shop." Heero's voice was oddly soft, carrying a note of confusion.
"Yea so...?" he wasn't looking up, no way, not even. If he did, he'd die and have to suck up his pride (what was left at this point) and go with them all.
"So... Why are you not wanting to go shopping today? Is it because of Relena?"
Very perceptive! Duo grinned, his bangs hiding it from view. "Yes and no." No, because he liked Relena since she handed over Heero's reigns to him. And, Yes, it was because of shopping with Relena was always a very tiring, and very dangerous thing to do. It was like being put on a death walk. You didn't know if you'd come back alive or not. Could practically hear the people around you murmuring "Dead men walking!"
"Hn."
Duo's head shot up, "Hey!" eyes widening, "What wasn't nice!" he pouted frowning at the slight shorter boy.
"Hnn." Heero smirked, arms crossing over his chest.
"That... was *so* wrong Hee-chan..." He was going to kill the other now for that comment. Yup, definitely kill him.
"......"
"I see what you really think about me now" sniffling quietly, eyes lowered to keep the other from watching him, Duo thought about his situation for a few minutes. He could either A. suck up his pride and go shopping. B. Say to hell with pride and stay home where it was safe... or C. suck up his pride, go and make sure no one else had a better day then he did, just hopping that he lived through it to get revenge later on. Yes... yea, he'd take plan C. After all, revenge was all he was about!
"Alright!" jumping up from his spot on the bed bouncing on the balls of his feet grinning, Duo beamed brightly, "I'll go!" while bounding over to the other boy with raised brows kissing his cute little upturned nose whispering "You'll owe me later" before skipping from the room leaving the other to fully dress and head on down so their Malls of Hell tour could began.
Twenty minutes later everyone was gathered in the large parlor of the estate, dressed in their relaxed best. This was always a must while shopping with Relena, as one never knew the time of return (*if* you returned), and wished not to have sore aching feeties or limbs... even though that was bound to happen anyways; it was best to save out as long as you could before dropping dead. When you shopped alone or with someone else, *then* you dressed to kill! Usually an excellent form of teasing the one your with or others around you to make the one your with jealous. This tack can usually be found being demonstrated by the Maxwell: a mammal known for fun loving, hell rising times.
"Are we ready!?" a chipper voice called out from the doorway, bag in hand, ready to go with her surprising navy blue knee length shorts being held up by a silver belt, her white sleeveless top covered by a blue jean vest, dainty feet covered in a pair of sneakers.
Duo's keen eyes took note she was on a roll for a looo~oong day. Wonderful! Someone kill him now, please! He'd pay them to! Why the hell did he agree to this again? Revenge? Was it really all it was chalked up to be?
Snorting, swinging his eyes from the only girl in a fifty-foot radius, to the only Japanese in a ten-mile radius, a whistle ripped through the room unbidden. Weellll... his mind drawled, licking lips. If putting up with Relena's long ass shopping spree and revenge wasn't worth it... then maybe hanging towards the back of the small group to ogle his intends exquisite rear end that seemed to have had the jeans encasing them *poured* on... was some sort of exotic refund for Mall Warred feet and muscles. He could stare at that material clad muscle sway all day and not loose interest once. Might run into other people or things, but his eyes would *not* leave the swinging of that rear for nothing short of another war... maybe even then he'd not look away. He could probably fight and keep direct eye contact with it.
"Yeah, yeah... Can we go now?" Give him three hours he'd be asking if they could go then too.
"It's nine, if we want to be back before dinner we should leave now." Trowa's quiet voice ripped through the same stillness Duo's had. He said it in such a way it was almost a mutter, but not many would understand it unless they've lived around the boy a few years as the others had. If Relena caught it, she didn't show a reaction to it. Maybe she hopped dragging them around all day was revenge enough? Duo would never know.
"Yes!" Quatre however, Duo noticed with some degree of admiration, was actually a willing precipitant in the Malls of Hell tour. Apparently the small Arabian actually had things he *wanted* to get. Well if that was the case, then all for him! While Duo had things he wanted to get too, he'd rather do it on a normal shopping day, have fun! He already could tell he'd be carrying twenty bags by nightfall.
"Lets go." Ahh the voice of reason! Duo's mini-me voice cheered turning to watch in rapt attention as Heero moved from his standing observation position at the window towards the door, moving past Relena with only a grunt. Yup, Yuy Ass Watching just might get him through the day! Bounding on his feet twice, grin springing into place Duo bounded after his Asian lover happily. It'd be a good day... for how long was the only question he had.
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~ * @ * ~
'
Four hours, thirty-eight minutes and fifty-four seconds later. Duo's mind was keeping close count on the passing time, almost like that of Heero's internal clock. They had stopped *briefly* for lunch that hadn't done much for filing his stomach, nor calming the throbbing of his feet.
The guys had already made a run out to the limo to deposit bags into the trunk once; they now held one bag apiece. Give them time, it'd be back up to four apiece, he knew it! As it was, Duo was making sure to hang towards the back of their little precession. Relena was the baton twirling (almost anyway, it was a rain stick, close enough) drum major type. Heero and Wufei were first-string leaders; he filled middle with Quatre and Trowa bringing up the rear. Which Duo noted, was strange in it's own right because they were usually right up front with Relena and them.
Maybe they were keeping him from escaping? Duo couldn't put that one past the two of them. He had tried earlier to slip away from the group to shop by himself but Trowa had caught the back of his collar like a parent restraining their hyperactive fighting child. Problem was, he wasn't hyper, had lost that sugar in the first two hours, and he wasn't fighting anything! He wanted to go *home*. Eat. Sleep. Dream... *anything* besides shopping with Relena Dorlin Peacecraft.
He was not kidding when he said it was a dangerous thing shopping with this onna. All the guys knew that, and tried their damnedest to stay away from her when something was in her hands. She asked you what you thought of it. It was best to say "It's great!"... "Wonderful!"... or even perhaps, "It suits you just right!"... 'cause if you answered in the negative, even if it was an honest answer, whatever Relena held would be airborne at you in no time flat! Trowa, Heero and Duo all had ducked near nine flying objects since starting the Malls of Hell tour. *Nearly* nine, because Duo hadn't moved quick enough his fourth time and was whacked with a high heeled shoe. Had the lump to prove it.
The fifth hour had finally rolled around. It was two past noon and they were heading to the dreaded Beds and Bath store. What the hell could she possible need in there!? Duo's mind screamed, dreading going into the store. But he was stuck. Trowa and Quatre were still behind him, each talking quietly to the other. It wouldn't have worked out anyway; he'd tried it an hour before. Sneaking away again when they had moved in front of him. Somehow, they knew when he tried sneaking away and had just grabbed his shirt collar again dragging him back with only a small whimper.
Hades how long could they get stuck in this store!? It was huge!
It was as they were passing the isle with bed sheets that Duo heard it. The distinct sound of someone humming, the beginning of a song... He welcomed anything that wasn't crapy store music; his ears twitched trying to pick up on it more. However that only seceded in him hearing Relena and Wufei's argument over which color was best for Heero's room. Why Wufei would be trying to defend Heero's color sense was beyond him, especially since it doubled as *his* room as well.
So he shrugged, walking once more when the argument stopped, never bothering to run forward and see what the hell was chosen. If he didn't like it, it'd be dyed or in the trash after she left. That brought a smirk to his rose lips, hand tightening around the bag he carried. Then he heard it again, that voice! The one that was singing earlier, but this time it was louder, almost sounded like... But naw, that couldn't have been. Duo knew it couldn't be Trowa speaking because the amazon never spoke more then one sentence at a time unless locked in a room with him small Arabian.
"~That famous day in history... Where the men of the Seventh Calvary went riding on...~"
Turning quickly violet eyed narrowed staring into one vibrant emerald. He could have sworn... but Trowa's upper body was facing the blonde, as if they had been talking when his turning around drew his attention forward. "heh" scratching the back of his neck Duo turned back, braid slapping his arm with the movement as if slapping him for thinking the unimaginable from his friends. Silly. Pure silliness... yep, never happen.
"~And from the rear a voice was heard. A brave young man with a trembling word rang loud and clear...~"
Whipping about once more, *knowing* he heard right that time. It was Quatre! Quatre was doing it this time! But... no... his body was facing Trowa as if they were just talking too. What the hell? He couldn't have been hearing things... Maybe shopping today wasn't the best of ideas. Turning back around, eyes throwing slow, long glances around the massive store, his voice came out on a loud sigh, "~What am I doin' here?~"
Watching the floor stroll pass in agonizing, painful, strides Duo lifted his gaze to the back of Heero's royal blue and sky blue leave printed shirt, eyes pleading as he whispered, "Please Mr. Custard, I don't wanna go..." Why was that fitting for them? Heero's leadership in the wars probably had something to do with it; his subconscious just plugging him in there.
Reaching forward in the small space between them, Duo making sure to keep *right* behind Heero a few paces for some form of protection, tugged on Heero's shirt, watching as curious Prussian eyes peered back at him, "~Hey Mr. Custard, please don't make me go...~"
Heero rose an eyebrow at him cutely, brow furrowing together in silent thought.
"~I had a dream last night... the beara come and fight..." eyes still imploring, even looking a little watery with some work as they stopped once more, Relena going gaga over another spread. Duo tugged once more on the shirt he had yet to release, and with his other hand pointed to the isled stacks around them, "~Somebody yelled attack... and there I stood with an arrow in my back!~"
Raising his other brown brow, right arm coming up slowly to pat Duo hand in an almost unsure movement, Heero's eyes sparkled a little as he turned back around motioning to Relena of something or another, he couldn't tell when they started moving again. Duo tugged on the shirt harder, "~"Please Mr. Custard, I don't wanna go...~"
"~Forward ho!~" Relena let out a little childish giggle as Heero shoved her non-too gently onwards.
Groaning, feet once more picking up and slamming down with an eerie sound of finality, Duo marched onwards, another bag throw into his hands, but they weren't done yet! Oh no, they had more to go in the massive Bed and Bath store! His mind decided to keep him entertained, planning out surprise attack points, ambushes. Their leader? The pink loving, blue wearing Relena! His team, the five of them, were supposed to be in stealth mode following the crazed Shop leader. Stealth that didn't seem to work so well since she turned around every so often to ask opinions of the others. Traitors! His mind shouted, but it wasn't so. They were just offering up advice that would hopefully... get them out of there faster and into freedom!
Eyes quickly darting from isle to isle, each shelf of vast unknown girly like bath things he would never touch Duo frowned, "~Aww... look at them bushes out there... them movin'~" violet pools narrowed, "~and there's an ingine behind every one.~" To his surprise the next isle they rounded had a tall lady of 5'8" turning the corner who appeared with her dark skin, an Indian. Duo gave an undignified startled "EEP!" jumping to hide behind his Japanese lover looking as sheepish as he could be.
"Duo?"
Letting out a small nervous chuckle Duo looked up hopefully, "~Hey Mr. Custard...~" Heero gave him an amused smirk, "~Mind if I be excused the rest the afternoon?~" and promptly shook his head No. If he was going to be stuck holding bags, walking for hours, while Relena shopped, so was everyone else. At least Duo's imaginative mind made it interesting.
"Hey!" turning around Relena smiled holding up a candle container shaped like that of an old timely outdoor light of early 1800's. "What do you all think about this for my living room? I could get a few and-"
"No, I don't think so..." Duo winced internally, not helping the small part that showed on his face as he quietly inched behind Heero, hugging his waist protectively. He wasn't going to say *anything!* If something went flying it was not going to be his fault, he would not have been him who said whatever would be said to set the Shop leader off.
"Why not?" Relena pouted, her voice near shrill and threatening... almost like her determined political voice that said she didn't get her way now, then someone was paying with a body part.
"Erm well" Quatre didn't sound to sure now that he'd opened his mouth to speak. There were more cons the pros to his 'brilliant' dejection of Relena's chosen candle lamp. But, he was a Winner, and a Winner was always true to ones self and their friends. He could not in good conscious let Relena make a bad decision... So, lifting his head bravely he stated, "Because your living room is more technologically advanced. You've got the updated of everything. Putting something medieval like that in your room - where mainly pink dominated" he muttered, "would not be the wisest of choices." Seeing her confused look he helped her out, "They'd clash... something fierce."
Ohh poor, poor Quatre... Duo hugged the slim waist his arms were around tighter wincing once more as Relena's eyes widened, her jaw tightening. He thought, just for a moment, that the blonde was going to let sweet Quatre off easy since he was only being honest and was the sweetest out of them all... But then, her blue eyes sparkled. He barely had enough time to yell out, "~Hey Quatre duck your head!~" before there was a *shhhip!* of the flying candle holder; the loud hollow *thunk* of the young Arabian body hitting hard ground.
Letting go of Heero's waist, face twisted in a saddened, pained look at the lump forming on the pale forehead, Duo scooped down picking up the two bags Quatre had been holding and the one from Trowa before standing once more next to the ex-Wing pilot. A soft snicker left his mouth, "~Ohh... you're a little bit late on that one Quatre~" despite a headache the size of New York the blonde was bound to have in the morning, or when he awoke, Duo laughed shaking his head, wide grin spanning his face as Trowa glared up at him from cradling the knocked out blonde. "~Ohhh bet thems smarts...~"
Snorted trying to keep in his laugh Wufei turned away walking down another isle full of candles, snickering mildly loud when he reached the ending of it, thinking he was out of hearing distance. Ancestors above! Maxwell was going to get him into trouble with his sharp wits about him! He had been trying to keep from bursting with laughter since the braided American had started to call Heero "Mr. Custard" and pleading not to be dragged about anymore. Oh Heavens... gathering his breath once more, straightening any hair that came undone from his shoulder blade lengths pony tail, Wufei about-faced heading back to the gathered group. Trowa was standing a few steps away, his face worried as he peered down at the unconscious blonde in his arms. Duo was standing next to Heero hanging off the Asian's right shoulder, his head buried in Heero's neck snickering. Relena however, was glaring at them all with an innocently cute confused look on her young face.
Shaking his head, shoulders straightened proudly as he walked past the three to motion Trowa to a bench seat out in the hall to wait for them he shook his head. The day had to end sometime soon. How many of them would be left before the end? Next time, if there was a next time they went shopping like this... they would *not* enter the Bed and Bath store again.
Entering the store once more, eyes scanning for his decreased numbered group, he started walking over to them, words slipping from his mouth before he knew what he was saying, "~They were sure of victory, the men of the Seventh Calvary, and they rode on...~" Nodding curtly, eyes midnight eyes twinkling, the Chinese youth nodded politely to Duo as he passed him by, "~But then from the rear a voice was heard, that same great voice with a trembling word rang loud and clear...~"
Duo sighed, brining his braid over his shoulder to play with it walking beside Heero between him and the Chinese, Relena being on the other's right."~What am I doin' here?~"
Heero listened to Duo's sigh, the corners of his mouth lifting into a small smile while patting his love's hand. It had managed to be a pretty boring day if you over looked the exciting, death dealing times when objects were thrown at them. It was almost like open field practice when Relena went AWOL throwing merchandise at them all. Thankfully, only two had been hit today, only one knocked out. He felt bad for the small blonde, but there was nothing he could do about it. His hands were tied so to speak. When Relena got mad on shopping spree's... there was no stopping her. Then again, one could always look on the bright side of things, he supposed. Quatre *did* need more rest. Smile transformed into amused smirk at that thought; he was now getting it.
Looking up hopefully, as Relena turned a new corner, Duo put on his best pleading look, "~Please Mr. Custard...~" soft voice whined,, hand tugging on the other's shirt, "~I don't wanna go...~"
Leaning over Heero whispered, "Gomen ne Duo-koi..." if he had to live through this, so would his love. Pleading would get him nowhere on this trip. Look at Quatre! Three hours ago he started begging Trowa to leave as well. Now, he was knocked out for answering Relena wrongly.
Not giving up Duo tried again, this time throwing his arm over Heero's shoulder, "~Listen Mr. Custard, please don't make me go...~" Flickering his expressive eyes towards Relena and back again he whispered, "~There's a redskin waitin' out there... fixin' to take my hair...~" Silently he mouthed 'Relena has back up!' before grabbing his precious braid protectively.
"Wuss." Wufei chuckled shaking his head, eyes nonetheless darting sharply from one isle to the next, not one to put pass something like that with Relena.
"~A coward I've been called...~" glaring at his Chinese best friend, Duo frowned, grip on his braid tightening, "~'Cause I don't wanna wind up dead or bald...~" He wanted to go home! Please, just go home... Sleep... let his feet rest, they ached something fierce! How long had they been walking around now? Six hours? Hades help him he wanted to go home! "~Please Mr. Custard, I don't wanna go...~"
"~Forward ho!~" Damn you Relena! Glaring his koi's glare of death the American hopped Relena's hair would burn off, her bones melting to ashes so they would be free to leave. He could almost see the end of the store in sight! Now if he could only get there in one piece. But alas, the idea forming in his mind would not have him in one piece... Where did Relena stick that credit card of hers again? Time to call in his thief skills once more to get the hell out of here. There was no way, any of his friends, would lend her money to buy stuff. So if he snagged her card from her, she couldn't either... They'd be free!
Inching closer to the Chinese boy, ignoring his curious stare as he was kindly shoved over by his Japanese love, Duo moved in for the kill. Relena was currently looking over bath items, back scrubbers, soaps, that sort of deal he could care less about. Mind focusing down to one task he reached into her slight opened purse digging around carefully... What the hell was that!? Fingers brushing against metal again his violet eyes widened. Was Relena packing heat!? Damn... and she's supposed to be a pacifist.
"~Aww... hm I wonder what the ingin word for Friend is?~" He was going to be needing it very soon! Near laughing pulling his hand from the girls purse, a gold little card in his slim fingers he ambled over to his love, once more putting the Chinese between him and Relena. Smiling innocently at the curious look Prussian blues were giving him, Duo quickly pocketed the slim card in the back of Heero's jeans. As much to get rid of is as to see if fingers were actually able to fit into pockets of pants that skin tight; a *veeery* slim fit indeed! Grinning goofily, Duo leaned over and mentioned to Relena that they needed to leave and get Quatre back home before something else happened to him.
"Oh. Well..." pondering over that a few minutes, eyeing each of her friends she shrugged. They could always go shopping later! "Alright lets move out then!" About-facing she reached into her purse, searching around for her card to pay for the newly acquired wants.
"~Lets see friend?...~" Duo was murmuring to himself, missing as Relena's eyes went wide. "~Kimosame. Kimosame that's it?~" He hopped that was it 'cause there was a loud shrieking that needed to end quickly! Relena had found her card missing. Pity. Snickering he quickly moved to the left of Heero, putting as much distance between him and the blonde as he could muster calling out, "~Kimosame!~" Relena sutomatically glared at him. "~Hey out there Kimosame!~" chuckling he ducked behind his human shield, *sshhsip!* as a candle flew past his head. Sighing, he shook his head sadly looking down into Heero's eyes, "~Naw, that ain't it...~"
That caused Heero to smirk. Grinning wider at the others reaction he nudged his love towards the door, watching as Wufei tried running Relena down who was dead set to find her card. "~Look at 'em out there..." he whispered conspiracy like into the tan shelled ear, "...runnin' around like a bunch of wild ingins...~" Heero snorted popping him on the shoulder as they reached Trowa holding Quatre. Each gave him nodes before the three of them started for the Malls of Hell's exit.
Snickering to himself once more Duo tried to stop but he couldn't help it! Relena had run past him with Wufei yelling out, "ONNA SHI NI!" Heero shook his head, slapping the American on the back harder then necessary, smirking, "~This ain't no time to joke...~" the sounds of running feet filtered out behind them the closer they got to the exit.
Yes, they would exit. They would wait in the limo until Justice Cutie got back with Wacky Girl. They would settle down and wait, maybe even sleep while waiting. Duo didn't know. But he did know, that once he got home, he was marching his ass and hiss love's very fine ass, upstairs and they were sleeping. Sleeping. Nothing in between, nothing thereof... just total blissful sleep cuddling together.
If anyone disturbed them, they died. No bribing. No deals. Straight death. Yup, that's what his plan was. Now... curling up against Heero's warm side, head resting on the firm shoulder enjoying the arm that pulled him closer to the other, Duo just wished Wufei would drag Relena back so they could get home... Today was long... sucked, but it had it's brownie point moments... and lastly, his mind muttered happily before slipping into a light slumber... It was over...
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~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~
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WHA-HA!! ::grins widely:: I FINISHED!! lol And I've a half hour before 3am! Not that y'all really care about the time. ::chuckles:: But I can actually READ something tonight before going to bed, at 3am ^____^
So ya like!? I hope! I hope! heh I had been thinking about it on and off for a bit to use "Mr. Custard" for a GW story... and well I finally got it downloaded tonight, so I WROTE IT! lol I Really hope y'all liked it! I'm gonna go read something now! Please review and let me know how ya liked!! Catch ya laters Minna-chan!
Keep it kickin'!
~ Anime Redneck
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The Certifiable Songfic Queen
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By: Anime Redneck
7-13-03
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Disclaimer: I don't own the Guys! I also don't own "Mr. Custard" by Ray Stevens ^_^ But I do own meh plot and meh truck an' ye canna 'ave either!
"~Lyrics~"
"Regular speaking" ^_^
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~oOo@oOo~
'
"Heero no!" Shaking his head furiously, braid whipping his back Duo stood his ground in their shared room, clothes thrown around him from lack of cleaning that he couldn't give a damn about at the moment. "Hell No! No way! Not Happening!" stomping his boot clad foot childishly he went on, "As in go screw a tree. Stuff the stick back up your ass! Sign me up for bead weaving! I ain't goin'!!"
Frowning toward his child like roommate Heero tried to find out why the braided pilot was having such a strong reaction toward going shopping. Didn't Duo enjoy shopping? So what was so different from this time around? Tilting his head to the side cutely, kicking a pile of shirts out of his way Heero studied the other teen closely.
It was nearly four months after the final war. They had survived, partied, and had moved into one of Quatre's larger estates to keep together; finding each of them were calmest when together, felt safer in a different way from when the wars were going on. So together they moved into the Winner estate on Earth in Brenham, TX... one of the few states to survive sticking together through all of the mass destruction of the time. Even Heero had to admit, Texas was a mighty big state and would take a severe concentrated bombing to destroy it. Luckily as their case may be, Texas was firmly in one piece, complete with beautiful wooded lands... like the six hundred acres the estate was positioned on for instance.
Three out of the five of them had decided to get their high school diplomas (and even a few college credits) completed through internet courses, each having had enough of schools while boarding in them for missions. Quatre and Trowa had stated the want of doing the same thing to satisfy those the needed the proof, but doing so would be a long process with their time being tied up in WEI. Quatre's position as CEO was more demanding then he had thought it was going to be; it seemed his sisters had not taken proper care of history files and now there was a mess of knots to straighten out. Trowa was his new head of security and his personal bodyguard; also helped a great deal in loosening his tightened muscles along with paper knots.
Today was a rare day when all five of them had the chance to be together to do something. Usually it was just he, Duo and Wufei left alone at the estate with the few servants kept there and one or four of the Magnaucs when they decided to drop by for a visit. Which was nearly every week; so someone from the massive group was always there.
Relena had stayed as VFM for the United Sphere. She had assured them on more then one instance that the job was less demanding this time around then it had been during the war. Both parties of Earth and Space have been more then corporative in hammering out the peace treaties. It would be a long time in coming before they were all said and done, the bonds tied, but they were getting there. Now, was her free day; she was also at the mansion.
Heero's one brow shot up, eyes locking on the braided boy rooting through the piles of clothes for a clean shirt to wear. Was that why Duo was being such a... a... What was the term again? Pain in the ass? Because Relena was here? Mentally shaking his head, foot kicking up a deep green button up shirt to the other boy, he sighed. No that couldn't be the reason for his heel digging now... He actually liked Relena once she took her preverbal claws out of his Japanese back and admitted it was just a crush. The American nearly threw himself on the blonde as Relena told him "Heero's all yours Duo-kun!" walking off with a happy skip to her steps.
Shaking his head again still trying to figure it out Heero was about to give up. Watching the others muscles ripple as the green shirt slid into his slim well-developed form. "Why are you being a childish brat?"
"What!?" Had he heard right? Did Heero Yuy... the ex-Perfect Soldier just call him a Brat!? Blinking large violet eyes, Duo took a step forward, one hand raising on it's own violation poking at the hard soft chest below it. No, it was real. That was definitely his Heero... "I'm not a brat!" snapping back automatically after getting over the mild shock, Duo slumped onto the foot of his bed leaning over to slip shoes and socks on muttering.
"You love to shop." Heero's voice was oddly soft, carrying a note of confusion.
"Yea so...?" he wasn't looking up, no way, not even. If he did, he'd die and have to suck up his pride (what was left at this point) and go with them all.
"So... Why are you not wanting to go shopping today? Is it because of Relena?"
Very perceptive! Duo grinned, his bangs hiding it from view. "Yes and no." No, because he liked Relena since she handed over Heero's reigns to him. And, Yes, it was because of shopping with Relena was always a very tiring, and very dangerous thing to do. It was like being put on a death walk. You didn't know if you'd come back alive or not. Could practically hear the people around you murmuring "Dead men walking!"
"Hn."
Duo's head shot up, "Hey!" eyes widening, "What wasn't nice!" he pouted frowning at the slight shorter boy.
"Hnn." Heero smirked, arms crossing over his chest.
"That... was *so* wrong Hee-chan..." He was going to kill the other now for that comment. Yup, definitely kill him.
"......"
"I see what you really think about me now" sniffling quietly, eyes lowered to keep the other from watching him, Duo thought about his situation for a few minutes. He could either A. suck up his pride and go shopping. B. Say to hell with pride and stay home where it was safe... or C. suck up his pride, go and make sure no one else had a better day then he did, just hopping that he lived through it to get revenge later on. Yes... yea, he'd take plan C. After all, revenge was all he was about!
"Alright!" jumping up from his spot on the bed bouncing on the balls of his feet grinning, Duo beamed brightly, "I'll go!" while bounding over to the other boy with raised brows kissing his cute little upturned nose whispering "You'll owe me later" before skipping from the room leaving the other to fully dress and head on down so their Malls of Hell tour could began.
Twenty minutes later everyone was gathered in the large parlor of the estate, dressed in their relaxed best. This was always a must while shopping with Relena, as one never knew the time of return (*if* you returned), and wished not to have sore aching feeties or limbs... even though that was bound to happen anyways; it was best to save out as long as you could before dropping dead. When you shopped alone or with someone else, *then* you dressed to kill! Usually an excellent form of teasing the one your with or others around you to make the one your with jealous. This tack can usually be found being demonstrated by the Maxwell: a mammal known for fun loving, hell rising times.
"Are we ready!?" a chipper voice called out from the doorway, bag in hand, ready to go with her surprising navy blue knee length shorts being held up by a silver belt, her white sleeveless top covered by a blue jean vest, dainty feet covered in a pair of sneakers.
Duo's keen eyes took note she was on a roll for a looo~oong day. Wonderful! Someone kill him now, please! He'd pay them to! Why the hell did he agree to this again? Revenge? Was it really all it was chalked up to be?
Snorting, swinging his eyes from the only girl in a fifty-foot radius, to the only Japanese in a ten-mile radius, a whistle ripped through the room unbidden. Weellll... his mind drawled, licking lips. If putting up with Relena's long ass shopping spree and revenge wasn't worth it... then maybe hanging towards the back of the small group to ogle his intends exquisite rear end that seemed to have had the jeans encasing them *poured* on... was some sort of exotic refund for Mall Warred feet and muscles. He could stare at that material clad muscle sway all day and not loose interest once. Might run into other people or things, but his eyes would *not* leave the swinging of that rear for nothing short of another war... maybe even then he'd not look away. He could probably fight and keep direct eye contact with it.
"Yeah, yeah... Can we go now?" Give him three hours he'd be asking if they could go then too.
"It's nine, if we want to be back before dinner we should leave now." Trowa's quiet voice ripped through the same stillness Duo's had. He said it in such a way it was almost a mutter, but not many would understand it unless they've lived around the boy a few years as the others had. If Relena caught it, she didn't show a reaction to it. Maybe she hopped dragging them around all day was revenge enough? Duo would never know.
"Yes!" Quatre however, Duo noticed with some degree of admiration, was actually a willing precipitant in the Malls of Hell tour. Apparently the small Arabian actually had things he *wanted* to get. Well if that was the case, then all for him! While Duo had things he wanted to get too, he'd rather do it on a normal shopping day, have fun! He already could tell he'd be carrying twenty bags by nightfall.
"Lets go." Ahh the voice of reason! Duo's mini-me voice cheered turning to watch in rapt attention as Heero moved from his standing observation position at the window towards the door, moving past Relena with only a grunt. Yup, Yuy Ass Watching just might get him through the day! Bounding on his feet twice, grin springing into place Duo bounded after his Asian lover happily. It'd be a good day... for how long was the only question he had.
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~ * @ * ~
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Four hours, thirty-eight minutes and fifty-four seconds later. Duo's mind was keeping close count on the passing time, almost like that of Heero's internal clock. They had stopped *briefly* for lunch that hadn't done much for filing his stomach, nor calming the throbbing of his feet.
The guys had already made a run out to the limo to deposit bags into the trunk once; they now held one bag apiece. Give them time, it'd be back up to four apiece, he knew it! As it was, Duo was making sure to hang towards the back of their little precession. Relena was the baton twirling (almost anyway, it was a rain stick, close enough) drum major type. Heero and Wufei were first-string leaders; he filled middle with Quatre and Trowa bringing up the rear. Which Duo noted, was strange in it's own right because they were usually right up front with Relena and them.
Maybe they were keeping him from escaping? Duo couldn't put that one past the two of them. He had tried earlier to slip away from the group to shop by himself but Trowa had caught the back of his collar like a parent restraining their hyperactive fighting child. Problem was, he wasn't hyper, had lost that sugar in the first two hours, and he wasn't fighting anything! He wanted to go *home*. Eat. Sleep. Dream... *anything* besides shopping with Relena Dorlin Peacecraft.
He was not kidding when he said it was a dangerous thing shopping with this onna. All the guys knew that, and tried their damnedest to stay away from her when something was in her hands. She asked you what you thought of it. It was best to say "It's great!"... "Wonderful!"... or even perhaps, "It suits you just right!"... 'cause if you answered in the negative, even if it was an honest answer, whatever Relena held would be airborne at you in no time flat! Trowa, Heero and Duo all had ducked near nine flying objects since starting the Malls of Hell tour. *Nearly* nine, because Duo hadn't moved quick enough his fourth time and was whacked with a high heeled shoe. Had the lump to prove it.
The fifth hour had finally rolled around. It was two past noon and they were heading to the dreaded Beds and Bath store. What the hell could she possible need in there!? Duo's mind screamed, dreading going into the store. But he was stuck. Trowa and Quatre were still behind him, each talking quietly to the other. It wouldn't have worked out anyway; he'd tried it an hour before. Sneaking away again when they had moved in front of him. Somehow, they knew when he tried sneaking away and had just grabbed his shirt collar again dragging him back with only a small whimper.
Hades how long could they get stuck in this store!? It was huge!
It was as they were passing the isle with bed sheets that Duo heard it. The distinct sound of someone humming, the beginning of a song... He welcomed anything that wasn't crapy store music; his ears twitched trying to pick up on it more. However that only seceded in him hearing Relena and Wufei's argument over which color was best for Heero's room. Why Wufei would be trying to defend Heero's color sense was beyond him, especially since it doubled as *his* room as well.
So he shrugged, walking once more when the argument stopped, never bothering to run forward and see what the hell was chosen. If he didn't like it, it'd be dyed or in the trash after she left. That brought a smirk to his rose lips, hand tightening around the bag he carried. Then he heard it again, that voice! The one that was singing earlier, but this time it was louder, almost sounded like... But naw, that couldn't have been. Duo knew it couldn't be Trowa speaking because the amazon never spoke more then one sentence at a time unless locked in a room with him small Arabian.
"~That famous day in history... Where the men of the Seventh Calvary went riding on...~"
Turning quickly violet eyed narrowed staring into one vibrant emerald. He could have sworn... but Trowa's upper body was facing the blonde, as if they had been talking when his turning around drew his attention forward. "heh" scratching the back of his neck Duo turned back, braid slapping his arm with the movement as if slapping him for thinking the unimaginable from his friends. Silly. Pure silliness... yep, never happen.
"~And from the rear a voice was heard. A brave young man with a trembling word rang loud and clear...~"
Whipping about once more, *knowing* he heard right that time. It was Quatre! Quatre was doing it this time! But... no... his body was facing Trowa as if they were just talking too. What the hell? He couldn't have been hearing things... Maybe shopping today wasn't the best of ideas. Turning back around, eyes throwing slow, long glances around the massive store, his voice came out on a loud sigh, "~What am I doin' here?~"
Watching the floor stroll pass in agonizing, painful, strides Duo lifted his gaze to the back of Heero's royal blue and sky blue leave printed shirt, eyes pleading as he whispered, "Please Mr. Custard, I don't wanna go..." Why was that fitting for them? Heero's leadership in the wars probably had something to do with it; his subconscious just plugging him in there.
Reaching forward in the small space between them, Duo making sure to keep *right* behind Heero a few paces for some form of protection, tugged on Heero's shirt, watching as curious Prussian eyes peered back at him, "~Hey Mr. Custard, please don't make me go...~"
Heero rose an eyebrow at him cutely, brow furrowing together in silent thought.
"~I had a dream last night... the beara come and fight..." eyes still imploring, even looking a little watery with some work as they stopped once more, Relena going gaga over another spread. Duo tugged once more on the shirt he had yet to release, and with his other hand pointed to the isled stacks around them, "~Somebody yelled attack... and there I stood with an arrow in my back!~"
Raising his other brown brow, right arm coming up slowly to pat Duo hand in an almost unsure movement, Heero's eyes sparkled a little as he turned back around motioning to Relena of something or another, he couldn't tell when they started moving again. Duo tugged on the shirt harder, "~"Please Mr. Custard, I don't wanna go...~"
"~Forward ho!~" Relena let out a little childish giggle as Heero shoved her non-too gently onwards.
Groaning, feet once more picking up and slamming down with an eerie sound of finality, Duo marched onwards, another bag throw into his hands, but they weren't done yet! Oh no, they had more to go in the massive Bed and Bath store! His mind decided to keep him entertained, planning out surprise attack points, ambushes. Their leader? The pink loving, blue wearing Relena! His team, the five of them, were supposed to be in stealth mode following the crazed Shop leader. Stealth that didn't seem to work so well since she turned around every so often to ask opinions of the others. Traitors! His mind shouted, but it wasn't so. They were just offering up advice that would hopefully... get them out of there faster and into freedom!
Eyes quickly darting from isle to isle, each shelf of vast unknown girly like bath things he would never touch Duo frowned, "~Aww... look at them bushes out there... them movin'~" violet pools narrowed, "~and there's an ingine behind every one.~" To his surprise the next isle they rounded had a tall lady of 5'8" turning the corner who appeared with her dark skin, an Indian. Duo gave an undignified startled "EEP!" jumping to hide behind his Japanese lover looking as sheepish as he could be.
"Duo?"
Letting out a small nervous chuckle Duo looked up hopefully, "~Hey Mr. Custard...~" Heero gave him an amused smirk, "~Mind if I be excused the rest the afternoon?~" and promptly shook his head No. If he was going to be stuck holding bags, walking for hours, while Relena shopped, so was everyone else. At least Duo's imaginative mind made it interesting.
"Hey!" turning around Relena smiled holding up a candle container shaped like that of an old timely outdoor light of early 1800's. "What do you all think about this for my living room? I could get a few and-"
"No, I don't think so..." Duo winced internally, not helping the small part that showed on his face as he quietly inched behind Heero, hugging his waist protectively. He wasn't going to say *anything!* If something went flying it was not going to be his fault, he would not have been him who said whatever would be said to set the Shop leader off.
"Why not?" Relena pouted, her voice near shrill and threatening... almost like her determined political voice that said she didn't get her way now, then someone was paying with a body part.
"Erm well" Quatre didn't sound to sure now that he'd opened his mouth to speak. There were more cons the pros to his 'brilliant' dejection of Relena's chosen candle lamp. But, he was a Winner, and a Winner was always true to ones self and their friends. He could not in good conscious let Relena make a bad decision... So, lifting his head bravely he stated, "Because your living room is more technologically advanced. You've got the updated of everything. Putting something medieval like that in your room - where mainly pink dominated" he muttered, "would not be the wisest of choices." Seeing her confused look he helped her out, "They'd clash... something fierce."
Ohh poor, poor Quatre... Duo hugged the slim waist his arms were around tighter wincing once more as Relena's eyes widened, her jaw tightening. He thought, just for a moment, that the blonde was going to let sweet Quatre off easy since he was only being honest and was the sweetest out of them all... But then, her blue eyes sparkled. He barely had enough time to yell out, "~Hey Quatre duck your head!~" before there was a *shhhip!* of the flying candle holder; the loud hollow *thunk* of the young Arabian body hitting hard ground.
Letting go of Heero's waist, face twisted in a saddened, pained look at the lump forming on the pale forehead, Duo scooped down picking up the two bags Quatre had been holding and the one from Trowa before standing once more next to the ex-Wing pilot. A soft snicker left his mouth, "~Ohh... you're a little bit late on that one Quatre~" despite a headache the size of New York the blonde was bound to have in the morning, or when he awoke, Duo laughed shaking his head, wide grin spanning his face as Trowa glared up at him from cradling the knocked out blonde. "~Ohhh bet thems smarts...~"
Snorted trying to keep in his laugh Wufei turned away walking down another isle full of candles, snickering mildly loud when he reached the ending of it, thinking he was out of hearing distance. Ancestors above! Maxwell was going to get him into trouble with his sharp wits about him! He had been trying to keep from bursting with laughter since the braided American had started to call Heero "Mr. Custard" and pleading not to be dragged about anymore. Oh Heavens... gathering his breath once more, straightening any hair that came undone from his shoulder blade lengths pony tail, Wufei about-faced heading back to the gathered group. Trowa was standing a few steps away, his face worried as he peered down at the unconscious blonde in his arms. Duo was standing next to Heero hanging off the Asian's right shoulder, his head buried in Heero's neck snickering. Relena however, was glaring at them all with an innocently cute confused look on her young face.
Shaking his head, shoulders straightened proudly as he walked past the three to motion Trowa to a bench seat out in the hall to wait for them he shook his head. The day had to end sometime soon. How many of them would be left before the end? Next time, if there was a next time they went shopping like this... they would *not* enter the Bed and Bath store again.
Entering the store once more, eyes scanning for his decreased numbered group, he started walking over to them, words slipping from his mouth before he knew what he was saying, "~They were sure of victory, the men of the Seventh Calvary, and they rode on...~" Nodding curtly, eyes midnight eyes twinkling, the Chinese youth nodded politely to Duo as he passed him by, "~But then from the rear a voice was heard, that same great voice with a trembling word rang loud and clear...~"
Duo sighed, brining his braid over his shoulder to play with it walking beside Heero between him and the Chinese, Relena being on the other's right."~What am I doin' here?~"
Heero listened to Duo's sigh, the corners of his mouth lifting into a small smile while patting his love's hand. It had managed to be a pretty boring day if you over looked the exciting, death dealing times when objects were thrown at them. It was almost like open field practice when Relena went AWOL throwing merchandise at them all. Thankfully, only two had been hit today, only one knocked out. He felt bad for the small blonde, but there was nothing he could do about it. His hands were tied so to speak. When Relena got mad on shopping spree's... there was no stopping her. Then again, one could always look on the bright side of things, he supposed. Quatre *did* need more rest. Smile transformed into amused smirk at that thought; he was now getting it.
Looking up hopefully, as Relena turned a new corner, Duo put on his best pleading look, "~Please Mr. Custard...~" soft voice whined,, hand tugging on the other's shirt, "~I don't wanna go...~"
Leaning over Heero whispered, "Gomen ne Duo-koi..." if he had to live through this, so would his love. Pleading would get him nowhere on this trip. Look at Quatre! Three hours ago he started begging Trowa to leave as well. Now, he was knocked out for answering Relena wrongly.
Not giving up Duo tried again, this time throwing his arm over Heero's shoulder, "~Listen Mr. Custard, please don't make me go...~" Flickering his expressive eyes towards Relena and back again he whispered, "~There's a redskin waitin' out there... fixin' to take my hair...~" Silently he mouthed 'Relena has back up!' before grabbing his precious braid protectively.
"Wuss." Wufei chuckled shaking his head, eyes nonetheless darting sharply from one isle to the next, not one to put pass something like that with Relena.
"~A coward I've been called...~" glaring at his Chinese best friend, Duo frowned, grip on his braid tightening, "~'Cause I don't wanna wind up dead or bald...~" He wanted to go home! Please, just go home... Sleep... let his feet rest, they ached something fierce! How long had they been walking around now? Six hours? Hades help him he wanted to go home! "~Please Mr. Custard, I don't wanna go...~"
"~Forward ho!~" Damn you Relena! Glaring his koi's glare of death the American hopped Relena's hair would burn off, her bones melting to ashes so they would be free to leave. He could almost see the end of the store in sight! Now if he could only get there in one piece. But alas, the idea forming in his mind would not have him in one piece... Where did Relena stick that credit card of hers again? Time to call in his thief skills once more to get the hell out of here. There was no way, any of his friends, would lend her money to buy stuff. So if he snagged her card from her, she couldn't either... They'd be free!
Inching closer to the Chinese boy, ignoring his curious stare as he was kindly shoved over by his Japanese love, Duo moved in for the kill. Relena was currently looking over bath items, back scrubbers, soaps, that sort of deal he could care less about. Mind focusing down to one task he reached into her slight opened purse digging around carefully... What the hell was that!? Fingers brushing against metal again his violet eyes widened. Was Relena packing heat!? Damn... and she's supposed to be a pacifist.
"~Aww... hm I wonder what the ingin word for Friend is?~" He was going to be needing it very soon! Near laughing pulling his hand from the girls purse, a gold little card in his slim fingers he ambled over to his love, once more putting the Chinese between him and Relena. Smiling innocently at the curious look Prussian blues were giving him, Duo quickly pocketed the slim card in the back of Heero's jeans. As much to get rid of is as to see if fingers were actually able to fit into pockets of pants that skin tight; a *veeery* slim fit indeed! Grinning goofily, Duo leaned over and mentioned to Relena that they needed to leave and get Quatre back home before something else happened to him.
"Oh. Well..." pondering over that a few minutes, eyeing each of her friends she shrugged. They could always go shopping later! "Alright lets move out then!" About-facing she reached into her purse, searching around for her card to pay for the newly acquired wants.
"~Lets see friend?...~" Duo was murmuring to himself, missing as Relena's eyes went wide. "~Kimosame. Kimosame that's it?~" He hopped that was it 'cause there was a loud shrieking that needed to end quickly! Relena had found her card missing. Pity. Snickering he quickly moved to the left of Heero, putting as much distance between him and the blonde as he could muster calling out, "~Kimosame!~" Relena sutomatically glared at him. "~Hey out there Kimosame!~" chuckling he ducked behind his human shield, *sshhsip!* as a candle flew past his head. Sighing, he shook his head sadly looking down into Heero's eyes, "~Naw, that ain't it...~"
That caused Heero to smirk. Grinning wider at the others reaction he nudged his love towards the door, watching as Wufei tried running Relena down who was dead set to find her card. "~Look at 'em out there..." he whispered conspiracy like into the tan shelled ear, "...runnin' around like a bunch of wild ingins...~" Heero snorted popping him on the shoulder as they reached Trowa holding Quatre. Each gave him nodes before the three of them started for the Malls of Hell's exit.
Snickering to himself once more Duo tried to stop but he couldn't help it! Relena had run past him with Wufei yelling out, "ONNA SHI NI!" Heero shook his head, slapping the American on the back harder then necessary, smirking, "~This ain't no time to joke...~" the sounds of running feet filtered out behind them the closer they got to the exit.
Yes, they would exit. They would wait in the limo until Justice Cutie got back with Wacky Girl. They would settle down and wait, maybe even sleep while waiting. Duo didn't know. But he did know, that once he got home, he was marching his ass and hiss love's very fine ass, upstairs and they were sleeping. Sleeping. Nothing in between, nothing thereof... just total blissful sleep cuddling together.
If anyone disturbed them, they died. No bribing. No deals. Straight death. Yup, that's what his plan was. Now... curling up against Heero's warm side, head resting on the firm shoulder enjoying the arm that pulled him closer to the other, Duo just wished Wufei would drag Relena back so they could get home... Today was long... sucked, but it had it's brownie point moments... and lastly, his mind muttered happily before slipping into a light slumber... It was over...
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~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~
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WHA-HA!! ::grins widely:: I FINISHED!! lol And I've a half hour before 3am! Not that y'all really care about the time. ::chuckles:: But I can actually READ something tonight before going to bed, at 3am ^____^
So ya like!? I hope! I hope! heh I had been thinking about it on and off for a bit to use "Mr. Custard" for a GW story... and well I finally got it downloaded tonight, so I WROTE IT! lol I Really hope y'all liked it! I'm gonna go read something now! Please review and let me know how ya liked!! Catch ya laters Minna-chan!
Keep it kickin'!
~ Anime Redneck
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The Certifiable Songfic Queen
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