Disclaimer: If you want to sue me over the LoK rights, don't bother. You can have everything I own. You should be receiving a stick and an empty matchbox in the mail in about a week.

They DO Drink Blood, Don't They?

For a week I stayed in that cell. It wasn't so bad though. Occasionally a human slave would bring me some stale bread and water. I always got mad at her 'cause she never brought any for Clyde. I tried to share with him, but he was always sleeping. I guess he'll eat his when he wakes up. After a week, Turel came and unlocked me from my cell.

TUREL: Lord Kain wishes to see you.

MIKOTO: (Whispering) SSHHH! You'll wake Clyde!

TUREL: Who? (Unlocks door)

MIKOTO: Clyde! (Points to the skeleton)

TUREL: You truly are insane woman! (Grabs me and leads me from dungeon.)

MIKOTO: You seem thinner.

TUREL: Yeah, and it's your fault too!

MIKOTO: (Feigning innocence) How is it my fault?

TUREL: Because of you, Lord Kain has ordered a mandatory fast. Not that anyone has been brave enough to attempt to feed after Dumah's (chuckle) unfortunate accident.

(We enter the pillar room to the Clan Sanctuary. Kain is on his throne. Raziel, Zephon and Melchiah are present. A couple of Dumahim are trying to find a successful way to prop Dumah's headless body into a standing position.)

MIKOTO: Whoah! Dumah! You might want to get a wig for that, or something.

(The Dumahim glare at me, then continue their work. Dumah somehow manages to stay up, supported by a few blunt spears or something. Flies have begun to fester around Dumah's body. His fledges are spraying aerosol cans around his body. One has bug spray, the other air freshener. Not that it would help. Dumah was always the smelliest of the lieutenants, even when he was still alive. The Dumahim leave.)

KAIN: (very grouchy and very hungry) Tell me, Mikoto. Why is it that when you come along and make mention of blood's contents, that we suddenly can no longer feed upon the one thing that sustains us?

MIKOTO: Um.I was hoping you would know?

(Kain growls in annoyance, but before he says anything, there is a disturbance from the entrance of the pillar chamber. Rahab has arrived. However, he has undergone a change. His previously muscular body is now big, round, and bloated. Three of his fledges are rolling him in on his side. They set him upright and leave. All eyes are on Rahab.)

KAIN: What the hell has happened to you! You've swollen like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!

RAHAB: It was the most amazing thing! I found out that I am immune to water! Can you believe it! It seems my children are the same way! We had this incredible feast to celebrate! I don't think there's a human left alive in my clan lands!

RAZIEL: (irritated by Rahab's gluttony) So you gorged yourself for nearly a week to the point of obesity!

RAHAB: *hic* Yeah, pretty much.

RAZIEL: (envious) Lucky dog.

ZEPHON: (enraged) How dare you come in here, gloating about your good fortune when you know we have been starved!

RAHAB: Well, I didn't think.

ZEPHON: No! Of course you didn't think!

(Zephon grabs a spear from a nearby wall and charges Rahab. The bloated vampire has been rendered immobile due to his gluttony. Turel realizes the dangers of Zephon's intentions.)

TUREL: Zephon! You fool! Don't stab him!

(Too late. The spear impales Rahab's gut. His stomach was barely containing its contents. The spear wound opened a threshold for the blood inside to spill out. Zephon realized his blunder and leaps upward to avoid the wave of warm liquid and clings to the ceiling. Melchiah is not so fortunate.)

MELCHIAH: (suffering a direct hit from the blood) Aaaagggghhhhhh!! It burns! Make it stop!

(The blood washes away to reveal a skinless Melchiah. He assesses his new situation.)

MELCHIAH: Oh the horror! It's gone! It's all gone! My beautiful hair is gone!

MIKOTO: Uh, Melchiah, you never had hair. You were bald. Remember?

MELCHIAH: Oh yeah! My skin! My beautiful skin! It's gone! Oh woe is me!

KAIN: (sighs) Don't be such a drama queen! At least you've still got your head. (glances at Dumah's body, which in it's position, mimics a scarecrow.without a head.)

MELCHIAH: (while leaving the pillar chamber) I'm leaving! I need to release some of my pent up frustration!

RAHAB: Can someone please get me a band-aid?

Well, my trip into Nosgoth has been pretty strange so far. But I'm afraid to say, this isn't even the worst of it yet.