Chapter Four: My Puppy Named Hermione
I took a deep breath.
Well, here goes nothing.
Ron gave a relieved sigh. "Thank god, the lesson's over. I was on the verge of falling asleep…. And…"
Ron's voice faltered mid-way.
Harry just stared.
I continued to smile at them with as much sweetness as I could muster.
"Yes?" I said in a voice that seemed to have sucked up too much helium.
Harry looked at his arms. "I never thought I had goosebumps."
"Oh what lovely goosebumps you have." I cooed as I gazed at Harry's arm as if it was a new born baby.
Harry and Ron backed away from me. "Umm… Hermione… are you possessed?"
I gave them a girlish giggle. "Oh, why would you say that?"
Ron gave a small shiver. "Umm… I don't know. But you are giving us weird smiles, and you are talking in a weird baby voice, and…"
"Oh my god." Ron gasped. "You have a crush on one of us… don't you?"
I gave a small cough, and went back into normal Hermione mode.
"Don't be silly, Ron." I rolled my eyes impatiently at him. "I'm just practicing my vomit-inducing Hermione."
Harry gave me a weird look. "And why would you want to make people vomit at you?"
"Only one." I smiled. "Only one."
"Draco?" Ron asked.
I nodded my head. "The one and only."
Then I looked at Harry and Ron eagerly. "What do you think? It was pretty horrible right?"
"I was thinking, how Draco was acting all weirdly nice at me and why would he do that? Then it hit me, because Draco being weirdly nice to me makes me want to hurl. So maybe if I be weirdly nice to him, it would make him hurl and stop being weirdly nice to me." I beamed proudly.
Harry gave a small smile. "Umm… that's a nice theory… but have it occurred to you that most girls treat Draco that way?"
I paused for a moment.
Drats!
"Yeah. That's true." I frowned. "All this acting and fawning might just bounce off his super thick skin."
Ron nodded. "Well, but it wouldn't hurt to give it a try."
I passed all my books to Ron. Ron was going to be my personal slave while I was being Draco's personal slave.
The three of us stood up and made our way to the next class. "Well, I guess. But acting all goo-goo eyes at Draco makes me pretty sick too."
Ron started laughing hysterically all of a sudden.
"What's the matter with you?" I asked Ron, as I picked up one of the books he dropped on the floor.
"Nothing." Ron said, trying to compose himself. "But… it just struck me. What would you do if Draco thinks you like him?"
I immediately paled and then turned a sickly shade of green. "shgagsifhfpsfh."
Harry froze and turned to face me. "What did you just say?"
I beat my forehead. "Sorry, slight malfunction with the brain."
I shook my head furiously. "Oh my god. That would be horrendous… Draco would be even more unbearable. And I don't think I would be able to live without a paper bag on my head."
Ron laughed. "I know. It would be like that time when you got only 99 out of 100 for a quiz."
I glared at Ron. "Who may I add is still in pending mode for forgiveness?"
Ron zipped his mouth shut.
"Besides." I added. "It was 99.5."
"Is it dinnertime already?" I sighed.
Harry and Ron gave me sympathetic looks. "Come on, whatever Draco asks you to write can't be worse than doing his homework right?"
Ron laughed. "Then again, you do like doing homework."
I gave a "not funny" look to Ron. "I don't know why, but somehow I have this really really bad feeling about what Draco is going to ask me to do."
I looked at my palms. "Look, my palms are all sweaty."
Harry gave me a pat on my back. "Don't worry about it. We will support you… but are you still going to act all nice to Draco and treat him like his an idol or something?"
I took a deep breath of air. "Damn Draco to the lowest pits of hell, I'm going to do it."
"Come on, the box is not that heavy." I gestured to Crabbe and Goyle to hasten their steps.
Goyle gave a small scowl. "I don't see why Hermione gets to do it. But I can't."
I rolled my eyes at Goyle. "Goyle for the umpteenth time! You actually enjoy doing it, but Hermione won't. And the whole idea is to torture her! Get it?"
Goyle gave me a confused look but nodded his head. "Well, what if she actually likes it too?"
I gave Goyle a smirk. "Trust me, if she actually likes doing it… I will shave my head bald!"
"Ahhh… there she is." My smirk grew wider.
"Oh my god. Is it you, Draco?" Hermione gasped, flapping her eyelashes at a furious pace.
I froze for a moment.
I turned to Crabbe and Goyle. "This is Hermione right? Not Pansy right?"
Crabbe and Goyle both nodded. I turned back to Bimbo Hermione. "Honestly, I don't know what to say. Is there something wrong with your eyes?"
Hermione gave a big wide smile, and then started talking in this weird high-pitched voice that really really irked me. "Ohhh… Draco… you are so funny. And the way you look at me through your beautiful silver eyes gives me the shivers."
I actually choked.
Somehow, the way Hermione acted really irritated me.
I don't want her to fawn over me!
I thought she was different.
Now, there was really no fun in torturing her.
I looked at Hermione bored. "Well…"
Hermione started laughing this really weird sissy laugh. "Oh, you are so hilarious, Draco."
I paused.
Right, the word well must be the funniest word in the whole English language.
For a moment, I almost gave up.
There was really no fun torturing Bimbo Hermione… it was just like torturing Pansy.
No kick.
And then I noticed…every time Hermione spoke to give a word of adoration, she would unconsciously bite her lips and when you actually look directly into her eyes, I could actually see tears.
I almost laughed, but couldn't or I would give the game away.
"Wow, Hermione. Your eyes have finally been opened to the greatness that is me." I gave Hermione a wide grin.
Hermione took a big gulp. Her smile faltered. "Yeah, totally. Who can't see your… er… flashy blondness."
Ahhh… that felt better.
Hermione didn't like me. That was the best news of the day.
"That's good, Hermione." I nodded my head appreciatively. "So have you told Potter and Weasley you have fallen hopelessly in love with me?"
Her face totally froze.
Life was still good.
Ok, this was bad.
My worse nightmare has begun. Draco thinks I like him.
I couldn't bring myself to smile. I handed Draco the piece of paper I have been holding in my hand. "The handwriting sample." I said in a very business-like voice.
Draco took the piece of paper. He looked at it for barely five seconds and threw it to Crabbe. "Well, I guess that will do. Your handwriting is pretty manly."
"Manly?" I cried indignant. "Your handwriting must be pretty sissy to call it manly."
I then I put my hand over my mouth. Oops, that was certainly not a sentence of adoration.
Draco looked unperturbed. He turned to Goyle. "Bring the box here."
I looked at the box, it was just an ordinary beige box. What evils can it contain?
"Ok, this is a big honour I'm bestowing upon you." Draco smiled as he gestured for Goyle to pass me the box.
"Ouch." I cried and almost toppled over.
The box was heavy. Really heavy.
I looked into the box to see piles and piles of letters.
"Fan mail. " Draco smiled arrogantly. "And you get to reply every single one of them."
"What? I have become your secretary?" I gasped.
Draco laughed. "I don't remember promoting you."
I glared at Draco as I put the box onto the floor. "Forgive me oh great one, but shouldn't you reply your own fan mail?"
"Why should I when I have slaves to do it for me?" Draco gave me a sweet smile. "Crabbe."
Crabbe came forward and passed me a file.
"This contains 3 samples of replies you can write." Draco said, then raised his hand and knocked my head. "Since I know up here it's all just air."
I refused to acknowledge that with a reply. Wordlessly, I opened the file.
I looked at Sample no. 1
"Dear insert girl's name,
I thank you for your great adoration and love for me. It's completely natural and probably the best thing to happen to you since you met me. In order to justify your undying devotion to me, I shall try my utmost in keeping myself in perfect condition. Although, I probably wouldn't have to since I'm really… perfect. Thank you for your fine letter, I shall frame it on my wall and look at it everyday. And think of you, wonderful sweet beautiful you.
Love,
Draco"
"You don't actually expect me to write this do you?" I said, shaking my head in horror.
"Oh no! Before I forget," Draco turned to Goyle. "The stamp, where's the stamp?"
The stamp?
You mean there's more!!!
Draco passed me a stamp and an inkpad. I looked at the stamp, it had Draco inscribed on it.
"Just stamp this at the end of the letter." Draco said benevolently.
"Oh yeah? Why don't you just make a I'm Draco and I'm an idiot stamp and send it to all your fans?" I said dryly.
"Did you say something?" Draco inquired innocently.
"Of course not, wonderful monster." I cooed.
"Good, I know it would be inhumane of me to expect you to reply all these letters by breakfast tomorrow." Draco began, looking as if he was the most caring boss in the whole wide world.
Well, he would if the whole wide world only consisted of him and a cockroach. And even then, it would be a hard fight.
"So I'm giving you till lunch." Draco beamed at me.
"Have fun." Draco said and turned to walk away with Crabbe and Goyle.
All of a sudden, Draco turned back.
"Sorry, I forgot." Draco said, giving a I'm totally not sorry at all look.
"Yes? Do you want me to write letters to mummy and daddy for you too?" I smiled pleasantly.
"No." Draco said. "I forgot to do this."
With that, Draco patted my head twice.
Like a dog.
As Draco walked away, I was seething with complete fury.
Just you wait, Draco Malfoy! Just you wait!
I'm going to hit you back so hard, you wouldn't be able to eat solid food for weeks!
No, make that years.
Ok, before I start my usual dedication I must say that some people I might not be able to dedicate because their reviews were notified to me by email but somehow not shown in fanfiction.net and I didn't know and deleted the email, so I'm unable to thank them! I'm so sorry! ^_^ Forgive me please? I'm really sorry.
I would like to dedicate this chapter to:
Louise – hey I agree! I thought Pansy was quite bitchy and all, but I decided to make her more like a bimbo to suit the funny theme of the story. ^_^ Hey and Hermione and Draco teaming up against Ron is a very cool idea!
Fairy-Lights – I'm rooting for the both of them to kill each other. ^_^ Haha…
Rachel – thanks! Your comment is really sweet!
Blush – this was a fast update… right? ^_^
Strawberries and Blueberries – haha! It's pretty funny isn't it?
Toykobabe2040 – I'm so glad you like it!
Meriadoc / Celithrathien – Thanks! ^_^ That's really nice of you to say that!
I'm2stressed4exams – I'm so stressed for my exams too! Keep it up! ^_^ It will be ok in the end definitely!
Couch-potato01 – thanks! I'm glad you think it's funny.
Kriss – do you know I always like hearing from you? ^_^ You are so sweet, always leaving a comment.
Chocolat Elf – haha! Changing Tides is still my main baby. This is my destress fic. ^_^ Yeah, I'm too much a goodie-two-shoes to write an evil draco. ^_^
Suzanna – thank you so much! ^_^ My style of writing is pretty haphazard!
Keili – I hope you like this one too! ^_^
TheSilverLady – nice to hear from you! ^_^ Haha, yeah Hermione definitely wants to stomp on Draco's foot now!
Tabi – thank you! ^_^ hope you like this chapter!
Amy – thank you so much! It's means a lot that people like the draco I depict! ^_^
Justme – haha! I totally agree! But I like draco being ruthless to Pansy. I'm evil!
Fire Soul – that wasn't a cliffhanger! ^_^ So great to hear from you! You always review, you are really one of the sweetest!
Yuki Arashi – this is a fast update, right? ^_^
Lisa Ann – a wow right back at you! ^_^
She's A Star – Oh my god, you are so great. ^_^ I'm so happy that you like Ron in here, I thought I made Ron a bit sissy in here. ^_^ I like Ron and Hermione too, though less than Hermione and Draco…haha! The line about Draco's hair is my fave too! ^_^ thanks for reading!
Mystery gurl – yeah! I made you laugh! ^_^
Katherine – this chapter is definitely twice in length of the previous one! ^_^ hope you like it!
Kate – this is definitely faster! ^_^ and longer too!
Phoenyxstar – yeah, I'm glad I made you laugh! I'm always worried the story comes off lame!
Boy Crazy Magician Chick – thanks! ^_^ I will try to keep it up!
Nfq-babe33 – thank you! ^_^ I try my best.
AlienSmile13 – Hope this is enough! ^_^
LiNe – thank you so much! ^_^ hope you like this chapter.
Annita – and here's the next chapter! A super long chapter! ^_^
Ladyofthestars – thank you for reviewing! It's so nice that you have been reading my fic! ^_^
AlyBaby – aww thank you! I hope Draco will get funnier by the chapter, and more wicked! ^_^
Indil Elondili – haha! Yeah his a wuss and it's my fault! ^_^ But I will try to make him more evil. Sure, I will check out your stories! ^_^ Not straight away cos I'm busy, but definitely before the next update! ^_^
Gandella Raye – yes, it's true. ^_^ I love you so much! Haha, and just for you and all the other sweet people, a really really long chapter that hurt my fingertips!
Ardent Entity – cool nick by the way! ^_^ Thanks for your compliment!
Malfoyschic – thank you! About the spacing, when I type the spacing is NO way like the one in fanfic, but in order for me to upload I saved it in html format and the spacing becomes like that. I really don't know what to do with it, but I'm used to it. ^_^
Angel_kiss – hope you like this chapter!
Makura Koneko – cool! No one called my fic bouncy before! ^_^
Venus725 – good to hear from you again! ^_^ hope you like this chap!
Evil-fairy – haha! You really crack me up!
Lollylips3 – hope you like this chapter! ^_^
Quidditch-player-lova – hello! ^_^ It's nice to hear from you always. Yeah, Draco is darker and meaner here! ^_^ Hope you still like it though!
Sierradogbaby – and this is another dedication for you!!! ^_^ I will try to make Draco more evil!!
Crissy the Amazing - ^_^ thank you so much! I love Draco too! ^_^
Wolfy 65 – hope you like this chapter!
Red of Rose – glad you like it! ^_^ I saw your review for my other fic too! Well, what Ron will do will be fun… not very evil.. cos I'm a wuss. ^_^ haha
