Disclaimer: Hey Crystal Dynamics! I've finally written a proper
disclaimer! It's right here on this piece of paper! But unless you pay me
one million dollars, I'm gonna put it through this paper shredder!
Mwahahahahaha!
Two's Company, Three's a Party!
Raziel, S.R. Raziel, Clyde and I entered the garden of the Sarafan keep, where two heavily armored, and very dead Sarafan bodies lie on the ground.
MIKOTO: Wow... How gruesome!
RAZIEL: Poor guys... I wonder what they ever did to get killed so cruelly.
S.R. RAZIEL: They had it coming!
RAZIEL: What do you mean by that?
S.R. RAZIEL: They killed Janos Audron, so I killed them!
RAZIEL: (angry) You psycho! You can't make a wrong with two rights!
CLYDE: ...
MIKOTO: Uh, don't you mean-
RAZIEL: (to me) Quiet! I'm not done yet! I bet he doesn't even know most of the people he goes around hackin' and slashin'!
S.R. RAZIEL: Actually, I DO know them. They're Zephon and Melchiah.
RAZIEL: (stunned) What?
S.R. RAZIEL: The SAME Zephon and Melchiah that you call your brothers.
RAZIEL: (angry) You lied to me Mikoto! You said we would go back to before this psycho killed them all!
MIKOTO: Uh, well... They were gonna die sooner or later, right? Besides, these guys haven't yet turned into vampires. So, relax!
RAZIEL: (muttering) ...the bodies of two of my brethren on the floor and she tells me to relax...
We traveled further into the Keep, until we came to this large cathedral type room. Two more bodies littered the ground.
RAZIEL: Oh, the horror! Which brothers are they, murderer!
S.R. RAZIEL: Rahab and Dumah.
RAZIEL: Poor Rahab! He didn't deserve it!
S.R. RAZIEL: What? You don't feel any loss over Dumah's death?
RAZIEL: Dumah? Oh, yeah! Dumah! Well...
DUMAH'S SOUL: Screw you!! (floats away)
We passed through the gates which led to William the Just's sarcophagus. Another bloodied corpse lay on the ground.
RAZIEL: (voice trembling) So, is this one Turel?
S.R. RAZIEL: (with pride) Yep. Sure is.
RAZIEL: Nooooo!
S.R. RAZIEL: Yeah. He was the most satisfying to kill, 'cause degenerate vampire Turel has still escaped my wrath!
RAZIEL: Why do you want to hurt my friend Turel?
S.R. RAZIEL: Are you aware that he helps throw you into the abyss?
RAZIEL: (shocked) He wouldn't!!
CLYDE: ...
RAZIEL: Keep outta this, Clyde! (to S.R. Raziel) Why would he do that?
S.R. RAZIEL: You stole his marble collection.
RAZIEL: Oh, yeah... Cool! So when he throws me in I'll be all like "Turel! You can't do this to me! You've lost your marbles!" (drum roll)
We went through the door to the inner chamber where the Sarafan Raziel lies lifeless on the floor.
RAZIEL: Who's that? I don't remember having another brother!
S.R. RAZIEL: That's you dumbass.
RAZIEL: You killed me too? Suicidal freak!
S.R. RAZIEL: Don't go jumping to conclusions just yet!
S.R. Raziel walks over to the body of Sarafan Raziel and gives him a hard jab in the chest with his foot.
S.R. RAZIEL: Get your arse up! Nap time is over!
SARAFAN RAZ: (very much alive and well) Ow! That hurt! Hey! What're you doing back here?
S.R. RAZIEL: Waking you up, obviously.
MIKOTO: Yeah, get up! We gotta go!
SARAFAN RAZ: But Moebius hasn't found my body yet! I didn't douse myself in pig's blood and pretend to be dead for three days for nothing!
S.R. RAZIEL: Didn't it occur to you that if Moebius didn't find you on the first day that maybe he wasn't looking for you to begin with? He obviously doesn't care if you're dead or not.
SARAFAN RAZ: That bastard ripped me off! I gave him money to get me tickets to the Bulls game the other night and he takes off on me! Argh!
MIKOTO: Well, look. You can get your revenge on Moebius later. Right now, you gotta come with us.
SARAFAN RAZ: Why?
S.R. RAZIEL: Yeah, really! Why ARE we going with you anyway?
MIKOTO: (sighs) Well, if you must know. We're gonna go kick Kain's arse.
S.R. RAZIEL: Sweet! I'm in!
RAZIEL: Why are we gonna do that?
SARAFAN RAZ: Who's Kain?
MIKOTO: Uh, why don't you explain it to them, Clyde?
Clyde: ...
Clyde began to explain to Raziel and Sarafan Raz why they should want to help me give Kain the arse whipping of a lifetime. (Which must be a pretty severe arse whipping considering the length of Kain's life.)
Two's Company, Three's a Party!
Raziel, S.R. Raziel, Clyde and I entered the garden of the Sarafan keep, where two heavily armored, and very dead Sarafan bodies lie on the ground.
MIKOTO: Wow... How gruesome!
RAZIEL: Poor guys... I wonder what they ever did to get killed so cruelly.
S.R. RAZIEL: They had it coming!
RAZIEL: What do you mean by that?
S.R. RAZIEL: They killed Janos Audron, so I killed them!
RAZIEL: (angry) You psycho! You can't make a wrong with two rights!
CLYDE: ...
MIKOTO: Uh, don't you mean-
RAZIEL: (to me) Quiet! I'm not done yet! I bet he doesn't even know most of the people he goes around hackin' and slashin'!
S.R. RAZIEL: Actually, I DO know them. They're Zephon and Melchiah.
RAZIEL: (stunned) What?
S.R. RAZIEL: The SAME Zephon and Melchiah that you call your brothers.
RAZIEL: (angry) You lied to me Mikoto! You said we would go back to before this psycho killed them all!
MIKOTO: Uh, well... They were gonna die sooner or later, right? Besides, these guys haven't yet turned into vampires. So, relax!
RAZIEL: (muttering) ...the bodies of two of my brethren on the floor and she tells me to relax...
We traveled further into the Keep, until we came to this large cathedral type room. Two more bodies littered the ground.
RAZIEL: Oh, the horror! Which brothers are they, murderer!
S.R. RAZIEL: Rahab and Dumah.
RAZIEL: Poor Rahab! He didn't deserve it!
S.R. RAZIEL: What? You don't feel any loss over Dumah's death?
RAZIEL: Dumah? Oh, yeah! Dumah! Well...
DUMAH'S SOUL: Screw you!! (floats away)
We passed through the gates which led to William the Just's sarcophagus. Another bloodied corpse lay on the ground.
RAZIEL: (voice trembling) So, is this one Turel?
S.R. RAZIEL: (with pride) Yep. Sure is.
RAZIEL: Nooooo!
S.R. RAZIEL: Yeah. He was the most satisfying to kill, 'cause degenerate vampire Turel has still escaped my wrath!
RAZIEL: Why do you want to hurt my friend Turel?
S.R. RAZIEL: Are you aware that he helps throw you into the abyss?
RAZIEL: (shocked) He wouldn't!!
CLYDE: ...
RAZIEL: Keep outta this, Clyde! (to S.R. Raziel) Why would he do that?
S.R. RAZIEL: You stole his marble collection.
RAZIEL: Oh, yeah... Cool! So when he throws me in I'll be all like "Turel! You can't do this to me! You've lost your marbles!" (drum roll)
We went through the door to the inner chamber where the Sarafan Raziel lies lifeless on the floor.
RAZIEL: Who's that? I don't remember having another brother!
S.R. RAZIEL: That's you dumbass.
RAZIEL: You killed me too? Suicidal freak!
S.R. RAZIEL: Don't go jumping to conclusions just yet!
S.R. Raziel walks over to the body of Sarafan Raziel and gives him a hard jab in the chest with his foot.
S.R. RAZIEL: Get your arse up! Nap time is over!
SARAFAN RAZ: (very much alive and well) Ow! That hurt! Hey! What're you doing back here?
S.R. RAZIEL: Waking you up, obviously.
MIKOTO: Yeah, get up! We gotta go!
SARAFAN RAZ: But Moebius hasn't found my body yet! I didn't douse myself in pig's blood and pretend to be dead for three days for nothing!
S.R. RAZIEL: Didn't it occur to you that if Moebius didn't find you on the first day that maybe he wasn't looking for you to begin with? He obviously doesn't care if you're dead or not.
SARAFAN RAZ: That bastard ripped me off! I gave him money to get me tickets to the Bulls game the other night and he takes off on me! Argh!
MIKOTO: Well, look. You can get your revenge on Moebius later. Right now, you gotta come with us.
SARAFAN RAZ: Why?
S.R. RAZIEL: Yeah, really! Why ARE we going with you anyway?
MIKOTO: (sighs) Well, if you must know. We're gonna go kick Kain's arse.
S.R. RAZIEL: Sweet! I'm in!
RAZIEL: Why are we gonna do that?
SARAFAN RAZ: Who's Kain?
MIKOTO: Uh, why don't you explain it to them, Clyde?
Clyde: ...
Clyde began to explain to Raziel and Sarafan Raz why they should want to help me give Kain the arse whipping of a lifetime. (Which must be a pretty severe arse whipping considering the length of Kain's life.)
