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Golf Clubs, and Pimp Canes, and Pool Sticks, Oh My!

We stormed into the pillar chamber. Kain was seated at his throne inside. Turel, Dumah, Rahab, Zephon and Melchiah stood around him. All their heads snapped to our direction as we bust through the chamber doors.

MIKOTO: There he is! Quick! Get him!

SARAFAN RAZ: Sweet! I get to kill more of you filthy vampires!

MIKOTO: We're not here to kill! Just beat the hell out of Kain!

RAZIEL: (runs up to Kain) Take that! (hits Kain in the head with his golf club of doom, leaving a dent in Kain's forehead)

KAIN: (clutching indent on his head) Ungrateful brat! Get over here so I can tear your wings out!

SARAFAN RAZ: I don't think so! (beats Kain in the back with the pimp stick) Who's yo daddy now, be-otch!

KAIN: WTF!! Who the hell are you?

SARAFAN RAZ: You turn me into that dumbass over there! (points to Raziel) Now all the ladies think he's cuter, even though he's a moron! Now I'm gonna beat yer ass into the ground for that! (clips Kain upside the head with the pimp stick)

MIKOTO: S.R. Raziel, what are you doing?

S.R. Raziel is chasing Turel around the room with his pool stick. The elusive lieutenant ducks behind Kain's throne as S.R. Raziel swings it at his head.

S.R. RAZIEL: You guys take care of Kain. I'm gonna destroy Turel!

RAZIEL: NOO! Leave Turel alone! (runs after S.R. Raziel with the golf club)

SARAFAN RAZ: Hey! Where's everyone going? (sees Raziel chasing S.R. Raziel) Hey, I'M the one who's supposed to fight him! Not you! (chases Raziel with the pimp stick)

KAIN: (recovering from his wounds) Well, looks like your plan backfired, Mikoto. What are you gonna do now?

MIKOTO: (nervous) Um. Um. Well... (holds up PVC pipe-turned-bowl) Wanna take a hit?

KAIN: (sees bowl) Sure. Don't mind if I do. (reaches for bowl)

MIKOTO: Here ya go! (bashes Kain in the head with the PVC pipe)

KAIN: OW!!

Kain stumbles backwards in pain. I run away, but I run into Dumah.

MIKOTO: Dumah! How- But I- Where did you-?

DUMAH: I respawned.

MIKOTO: Damn it! How many times will it take to kill you?

DUMAH: I'm not sure... But, we have unsettled matters to discuss.

MIKOTO: Um, yeah. About that fire engine, watering you down to your death thing...

DUMAH: You don't have to apologize.

MIKOTO: Say what?

DUMAH: It was all my fault. I forgive you.

MIKOTO: Huh?

DUMAH: We should go out and have a cup of tea sometime.

MIKOTO: Um. I don't drink tea. And I don't think you do either for that matter...

DUMAH: What! You don't drink tea? What, are you too good for tea now? Huh? Is my offer not good enough for you?

MIKOTO: No. It's not that. Really.

DUMAH: That's it!

Dumah grabs a spear off the wall and swings it at me. I block it with the PVC pipe. He swings again and misses, and I run towards the trio of Raziels. S.R. Raziel has given up his pursuit of Turel and has instead begun to chase Sarafan Raz, who is still chasing Raziel, who is chasing S.R. Raziel. So basically, they are running in a big circle.

RAZIEL: (singing) Follow the Leader! Follow the Leader!

SARAFAN RAZ: Get back here! I'm gonna beat you in the face so much that the girls will realize that I'M the cute one!

S.R. RAZIEL: Pathetic excuse for a human! Why won't you die when I tell you to?

MIKOTO: Knock it off you three! We've got more important things to do right now!

S.R. RAZIEL: (stops in his pursuit) Like what?

MIKOTO: Like retreating! (points to Dumah closing in)

RAZIEL: (runs into S.R. Raziel) Hey! I thought we were playing Follow the Leader!

SARAFAN RAZ: (runs into Raziel) Oof! Why'd we stop?

MIKOTO: Retreat!

We all stormed out of the Sanctuary of the Clans with Dumah on our trail. I don't know why I didn't just have the three Raziel's beat the tar out of him, but I guess I was too much of a coward to think straight. Man, I never thought anyone could get so worked up over tea. The guy doesn't even drink tea! But today's failure was acceptable, for I had even bigger plans for tonight.