Disclaimer: I'm not as think as you sane I am. Hee hee.
The Value of a Drive-By Shooting
That night, everything was set into place for our next excursion upon Kain's poor soul. With Clyde at the wheel, we pulled up to the front door of the sanctuary riding in a black hearse, complete with extremely dark tinted windows. We pulled to a stop, the passenger side of the hearse facing the front door.
MIKOTO: Okay, S.R. Raziel. Go over there and ring the doorbell.
S.R. RAZIEL: Why do I have to do it? Why not tweedle dumb over here? (points to Raziel)
RAZIEL: Who's tweedle dumb?
SARAFAN RAZ: No, I think he's tweedle dumbER. Tweedle dumb is much too smart for him.
MIKOTO: S.R. Raziel, you are the fastest of us all. You can shift over there and back and be back in position when Kain opens the door.
S.R. RAZIEL: (rolls his eyes - can he actually do that?) Alright. Fine. I'll go.
S.R. Raziel shifts to the spectral plane. A moment later, he appears at the sanctuary doors and rings the bell. He disappears again and after another moment he reappears inside the hearse.
MIKOTO: Great! Any minute now, Kain is gonna get the egging of a life time! Muwahahahahahahaha!
SARAFAN RAZ: (to Raziel) This girly is loco. I'm actually glad for once that you're better looking than me. That way she won't obsess over me.
MIKOTO: Okay everyone! Lock and Load!
We all pick up our fully automatic machine guns, specifically equipped to shoot over 300 rounds of extra large grade A eggs at incredibly (and painfully) high speeds. We point our weapons out the hearse's windows and aim at the Sanctuary doors. The doors creak open. A figure appears in the doorway and we start blasting.
FIGURE: What the- What's going on?
MIKOTO: Take that you sucka!
FIGURE: AUGH! It hurts! It hurts! (falls to the ground in pain)
MIKOTO: Cease fire!
RAZIEL: Aww... How come?
SARAFAN RAZ: No way! This is too much fun! We shoulda been doin' this to the vamps a long time ago!
MIKOTO: I said knock it off! (pistol whips Sarafan Raz)
SARAFAN RAZ: (barely conscious afer the pistol whipping) Ooh, look at the pretty birds! (passes out)
S.R. RAZIEL: Why did you order a cease-fire?
MIKOTO: Because. That's not Kain.
RAZIEL: Then who is it?
MIKOTO: I don't know... I'm afraid to look.
S.R. RAZIEL: Send Clyde to investigate.
MIKOTO: No way! Clyde is our get-away man! He's driving the hearse! We can't complete a drive-by shooting without the get-away!
Suddenly, the doors to the Sanctuary open again and Turel emerges from within.
TUREL: Uncle Vorador? What are you still doing here? I thought you were going home. Hey! What's all over you? And what the hell is that thing over there? (points towards the hearse)
VORADOR: (grumbles incoherently)
MIKOTO: We've been spotted by the enemy! Open fire!
RAZIEL: But! Turel's not the enemy!
S.R. RAZIEL: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Take that!
RAZIEL: (sobbing) Sorry Turel! They're making me do it! (Raziel's claws have been duck-taped to his machine gun with the trigger pulled)
MIKOTO: Crybaby. (I toss the duck tape over my shoulder, hitting Sarafan Raz in the head)
SARAFAN RAZ: (mumbling in sleep) Oh, Moebius... You've got the prettiest eyes...
MIKOTO: Whoah. That's just freaky. (pistol whips Sarafan Raz again) Get the hell up! You're freakin' me out!
SARAFAN RAZ: (wakes up) Huh? Wha-? What happened? (looks into mirror, sees two lumps and black eye on his face) Gah! What the hell did you do to me? How am I supposed to pick up chicks lookin' like this?
MIKOTO: Man, I think you have issues.
S.R. RAZIEL: (with self satisfaction) Okay. Turel is disposed of. Now what?
RAZIEL: (sobbing) Poor Turel. He didn't deserve it...
MIKOTO: S.R. Raziel, go over there and clear the bodies, then ring the doorbell again.
S.R. RAZIEL: WHAT!?
MIKOTO: You heard me.
S.R. RAZIEL: This better not turn into a vicious plot cycle used to torment me.
MIKOTO: (snickers) Well, there ARE four more lieutenants in there, plus Kain. If you have to keep ringing the doorbell, then so be it until we get to Kain.
S.R. RAZIEL: Damn you!
S.R. Raziel does his shift thingy again and reappears in front of the Sanctuary doors. Not wanting to get egg guck on him, S.R. Raziel uses the end of the wraith blade to pick Vorador up by the collar of his armor. (I didn't realize how substantial the wraith blade really was!) He sets Vorador down, off to the side and repeats the process for Turel, adding an extra-added boot to the head before discarding the unconscious lieutenant. S.R. Raziel rings the doorbell then shifts back into the hearse.
MIKOTO: Damn. Took you long enough! I had to type all that crap ya know!
S.R RAZIEL: Well, excu-u-u-u-use me if I didn't want to ruin my pedicure!
MIKOTO: Okay then... Well, let's just hope that Kain comes out soon...
Meanwhile, inside the Pillar chamber...
KAIN: Dumah, it's your turn to answer the door.
DUMAH: I can't! If I leave now, the croissants will burn and teatime will be ruined!
KAIN: (angrily) Answer the door!
DUMAH: All right! But if the croissants burn, you'll be sorry! 'Cause I'm NOT making another batch!
We waited patiently in the hearse while the Sanctuary doors opened...
The Value of a Drive-By Shooting
That night, everything was set into place for our next excursion upon Kain's poor soul. With Clyde at the wheel, we pulled up to the front door of the sanctuary riding in a black hearse, complete with extremely dark tinted windows. We pulled to a stop, the passenger side of the hearse facing the front door.
MIKOTO: Okay, S.R. Raziel. Go over there and ring the doorbell.
S.R. RAZIEL: Why do I have to do it? Why not tweedle dumb over here? (points to Raziel)
RAZIEL: Who's tweedle dumb?
SARAFAN RAZ: No, I think he's tweedle dumbER. Tweedle dumb is much too smart for him.
MIKOTO: S.R. Raziel, you are the fastest of us all. You can shift over there and back and be back in position when Kain opens the door.
S.R. RAZIEL: (rolls his eyes - can he actually do that?) Alright. Fine. I'll go.
S.R. Raziel shifts to the spectral plane. A moment later, he appears at the sanctuary doors and rings the bell. He disappears again and after another moment he reappears inside the hearse.
MIKOTO: Great! Any minute now, Kain is gonna get the egging of a life time! Muwahahahahahahaha!
SARAFAN RAZ: (to Raziel) This girly is loco. I'm actually glad for once that you're better looking than me. That way she won't obsess over me.
MIKOTO: Okay everyone! Lock and Load!
We all pick up our fully automatic machine guns, specifically equipped to shoot over 300 rounds of extra large grade A eggs at incredibly (and painfully) high speeds. We point our weapons out the hearse's windows and aim at the Sanctuary doors. The doors creak open. A figure appears in the doorway and we start blasting.
FIGURE: What the- What's going on?
MIKOTO: Take that you sucka!
FIGURE: AUGH! It hurts! It hurts! (falls to the ground in pain)
MIKOTO: Cease fire!
RAZIEL: Aww... How come?
SARAFAN RAZ: No way! This is too much fun! We shoulda been doin' this to the vamps a long time ago!
MIKOTO: I said knock it off! (pistol whips Sarafan Raz)
SARAFAN RAZ: (barely conscious afer the pistol whipping) Ooh, look at the pretty birds! (passes out)
S.R. RAZIEL: Why did you order a cease-fire?
MIKOTO: Because. That's not Kain.
RAZIEL: Then who is it?
MIKOTO: I don't know... I'm afraid to look.
S.R. RAZIEL: Send Clyde to investigate.
MIKOTO: No way! Clyde is our get-away man! He's driving the hearse! We can't complete a drive-by shooting without the get-away!
Suddenly, the doors to the Sanctuary open again and Turel emerges from within.
TUREL: Uncle Vorador? What are you still doing here? I thought you were going home. Hey! What's all over you? And what the hell is that thing over there? (points towards the hearse)
VORADOR: (grumbles incoherently)
MIKOTO: We've been spotted by the enemy! Open fire!
RAZIEL: But! Turel's not the enemy!
S.R. RAZIEL: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Take that!
RAZIEL: (sobbing) Sorry Turel! They're making me do it! (Raziel's claws have been duck-taped to his machine gun with the trigger pulled)
MIKOTO: Crybaby. (I toss the duck tape over my shoulder, hitting Sarafan Raz in the head)
SARAFAN RAZ: (mumbling in sleep) Oh, Moebius... You've got the prettiest eyes...
MIKOTO: Whoah. That's just freaky. (pistol whips Sarafan Raz again) Get the hell up! You're freakin' me out!
SARAFAN RAZ: (wakes up) Huh? Wha-? What happened? (looks into mirror, sees two lumps and black eye on his face) Gah! What the hell did you do to me? How am I supposed to pick up chicks lookin' like this?
MIKOTO: Man, I think you have issues.
S.R. RAZIEL: (with self satisfaction) Okay. Turel is disposed of. Now what?
RAZIEL: (sobbing) Poor Turel. He didn't deserve it...
MIKOTO: S.R. Raziel, go over there and clear the bodies, then ring the doorbell again.
S.R. RAZIEL: WHAT!?
MIKOTO: You heard me.
S.R. RAZIEL: This better not turn into a vicious plot cycle used to torment me.
MIKOTO: (snickers) Well, there ARE four more lieutenants in there, plus Kain. If you have to keep ringing the doorbell, then so be it until we get to Kain.
S.R. RAZIEL: Damn you!
S.R. Raziel does his shift thingy again and reappears in front of the Sanctuary doors. Not wanting to get egg guck on him, S.R. Raziel uses the end of the wraith blade to pick Vorador up by the collar of his armor. (I didn't realize how substantial the wraith blade really was!) He sets Vorador down, off to the side and repeats the process for Turel, adding an extra-added boot to the head before discarding the unconscious lieutenant. S.R. Raziel rings the doorbell then shifts back into the hearse.
MIKOTO: Damn. Took you long enough! I had to type all that crap ya know!
S.R RAZIEL: Well, excu-u-u-u-use me if I didn't want to ruin my pedicure!
MIKOTO: Okay then... Well, let's just hope that Kain comes out soon...
Meanwhile, inside the Pillar chamber...
KAIN: Dumah, it's your turn to answer the door.
DUMAH: I can't! If I leave now, the croissants will burn and teatime will be ruined!
KAIN: (angrily) Answer the door!
DUMAH: All right! But if the croissants burn, you'll be sorry! 'Cause I'm NOT making another batch!
We waited patiently in the hearse while the Sanctuary doors opened...
