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Lethal Utensils and Police Impersonations!

The Raziels and I waited as the Sanctuary doors slowly swung open. Dumah's large figure appeared, sporting a dainty pink apron saying 'Kiss the Cook'. The lieutenant still had a spatula clutched in one claw.

DUMAH: (looking around) What's going on here?

MIKOTO: Destroy the demon spawn!

We open fire on Dumah, but our efforts were not so successful.

DUMAH: (deflecting eggs with spatula) Ha! Take that! You think you can out-match my super ninja reflexes? Well think again! I am a master of the spatula!

MIKOTO: It's not working! We have to change tactics!

RAZIEL: (trying to hit Dumah with eggs) But I haven't gotten a chance to win yet!

SARAFAN RAZ: Win what?

RAZIEL: The game! You won shooting Turel and Sarafan Raz won shooting Uncle Vorador! I wanna win now!

MIKOTO: (to Raziel) Okay! You won! You can stop wasting ammo now!

RAZIEL: Really? I won? I wo-on! I wo-on! I wo-on!

S.R. RAZIEL: Okay... You got him to stop shooting, but now he won't shut up!

MIKOTO: You don't have to deal with it then. Shift over there and steal Dumah's spatula so we can hit him.

S.R. RAZIEL: What? Are you nuts? Me? In the line of fire! I don't think so! I'll get egg gunk on me!

MIKOTO: So what? You can shift back into the spirit world and the egg will remain in the physical world.

S.R. RAZIEL: It's not as easy as it looks. That egg stuff is pretty sticky.

MIKOTO: I don't care! I gave you an order! Disobey me and you will be demoted in my great army of destruction!

S.R. RAZIEL: What army? You have no army.

MIKOTO: (conspiring to self) You doubt me now. But soon you shall see. Soon you shall see the destructive power of my army!

SARAFAN RAZ: Like I said... She's completely loony!

Suddenly, there is a tapping on the driver's door.

DUMAH: (to Clyde) Excuse me sir, but do you have a permit for that?

CLYDE: ...

MIKOTO: (panicking) Don't answer him Clyde! He's not a cop!

DUMAH: I'm afraid you all will have to step out of the vehicle.

We all slowly climb out of the hearse, watching Dumah carefully. He looks from one Raziel to the next, and then glares at me for a long moment.

DUMAH: Who is in charge of this gang of delinquents?

MIKOTO: Go, minions of doom! Attack!

DUMAH: (startled) Huh?

All three Raziels pounce upon Dumah. Screams of pain and suffering can be heard over the thuds of flesh being pounded into silly putty. Clyde slides a 'Censored' sign in front of the carnage as the bloodiest acts of violence unfold. Soon, Dumah's cries of pain fade and the beating ceases.

MIKOTO: There. That takes care of him.

S.R. RAZIEL: Hey, look! (points upward) It's Dumah's soul!

S.R Raziel pulls his cowl down and draws Dumah's soul into his body. Dumah's corpse disintegrates.

MIKOTO: (shocked) You fool! You can't eat Dumah's soul now! You'll create a paradox!

I grab my machine gun by the barrel and swing it like a baseball bat at S.R. Raziel's back. Upon cracking my weapon across his spine, I can only assume that he has spit out Dumah's soul, for he is very angry with me.

S.R. RAZIEL: That friggin' hurt! And I lost my lunch! I swear, if you didn't have those authoress powers of yours, I would totally suck your soul dry!

MIKOTO: Impossible! For I have no soul! Mwahahahahaha!

SARAFAN RAZ: (to Raziel) Yeah, her soul probably went on vacation a long time ago with her sanity.

RAZIEL: Haha! That so funny! (moment of silence) I don't get it...

MIKOTO: Come my minions! We shall encounter Kain in a final showdown within the very sanctuary of his stronghold!

SARAFAN RAZ: Lord help us.

I courageously led my brigade of Raziels into the depths of the stronghold headed straight for the pillar room. I was sick of playing games. This time, Kain would get his just desserts. Hopefully Raziel won't eat the cake I've baked specifically for Kain. Muahahahahaha!