BURGLAR! BURGLAR!

A/N: BEFORE I FORGET I NEED TO TELL YOU THAT A ROUNDHOUSE KICK IS (FOR LING) FORWARD+X!

Read this poem which I have just written on the spot. PLEASE?

I woke up this morning, With a bump on my head. I woke up this morning, Because I fell out of bed.

I almost split my cereal, And things were not all well. BUT WHEN MY MUM STARTED TALKING ON THE PHONE, THE NOISE WAS AS BAD AS HELL.

You might have never heard my mum on the phone, And I hope you never will. But it's HELL when she starts ranting and raving, About how she has to foot every bill.

If your on the receiving end of the phone, She absolutely just won't quit. She'll yell your ear off if she can, And she'll start to have a fit.

But it's just as bad on my end of the phone, Because as soon as you yell "QUIET!" She tells us to turn every appliance off, And she'll then start a riot.

It's really nice and peaceful now, My mum has gone out walking. But I'm soon going to be in despair, Cause on his mobile, Dad has started talking.....

A/N/J/T/P/Y/O (Do you know what this means? Ya never know!): Ok ok, What's- his-face, I'll give you that interview.

"Yay! Now, fireswan, how did you get the idea's for the dojo's treasurer and BB?"

Well, the idea for the dojo's tresurer came from my dad, but he's only fat, he's not short. I thought that I might like to get revenge on dad for constantly embarrassing me in public.

"What kind of things did he do to you in public?"

Well, I'm up to my dad's shoulder in height, and he always said that he had to give me a piggyback in the shopping centers, so it must've looked very weird with a really tall TEENAGE girl getting a piggyback from her dad who has white hair.

"Anything else?"

You've been lucky to get even the above information from me, and I can delete it all with the click of a mouse, so you shut you fuc/ing hole and I'll tell you how I got BB.

*gulp* "Ok"

Well, I got BB because in the last days of term, my friend Emma whispered to me, "Do we have a Science exam today?"

I whispered back, "No."

After watching me out of the corner of his eye for the past few minutes, my evil form teacher Mr. Ramage (we used to call him Mr. Rampage or Mr. Damage, now we have a better name for him, BB!) kicked the desk next to me, leaving me with about one percent of my life, and then bellowing in my face, because I had to sit near the teacher's desk that day, "SHUT UP!" That left me with about zero point zero zero zero zero zero etc. one percent of my life left. Then I got my semi-insaneness from Mr. Ramage ranting and raving on about how the school didn't need infidels and invalids like me. After that, as the bell went, I looked at the table that Mr. Ramage had kicked. I started to look a bit like this O_O and I nudged Emma. She turned around and her mouth fell open. You see, just like BB broke the top of the desk off in Ling's story, Mr. Ramage had done the same to the desk he had kicked.

"Wow, what a story."

Yeah, I guess, but it's a true story! What? It IS! Anyway, this happened on a Friday, so the next day I went to Emma's house and we watched 'Silence of the Lambs'. Very.... interesting movie..... but I don't really like horror, I love fantasy though, which brings me to the question, why the hell am I writing a Romance/Humor fic? My dad's sense of humor is... well.... not funny, and I'm sick of seeing romance novels, but why did I write this story? To show Joel Ivory that I can write a story which makes no sense and makes sense at the same time (Joel Ivory is my friend Jasmine's enemy, but when I asked him to leave her alone, he called me some unpleasant things, so I'm gonna show him that I can write a story before he does, AND he's older than me!) :P. Well, when the movie got up to the part when Buffalo Bill came on the scene, he looked remarkably like.... *drumroll*..... Mr. Ramage! So, of course, since Mr. Ramage is an 'evil' guy, and so is BB in 'Silence of the Lambs', I put two and two together.

"Well, err.... that was very interesting. Thank you Charmaine/fireswan."

Thank you host/What's-his-face.

"We'll be right back after this chapter....."

Disclaimer: I don't know what else to put as a title so I'll put this, but just to let you know, I'M NOT GONNA DISCLAIM ANYTHING! MWA HA HA HA HA HA! I have been running out of ideas for the Hwoarang and Julia part of the story, this chapter shall be a bit more boring than all the others (maybe) so please bear with me because I've been out getting my school uniform ready and I have been slowly dying because it's only 3 days left till school, and this day is almost over. :'(:'(

Well, here I go!

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"A FRIKIN' MATERNITY GOWN?"

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Hwoarang walked into Julia's hotel room. It was just an ordinary flat, no fancy decorations, a nice place but not what you would call 'posh'. As Hwoarang walked around the kitchen, Julia yelled from the bathroom, "You make yourself at home, ok? I'm gonna take a shower."

Hwoarang just wandered about the apartment for a bit more, and then came upon the bedroom. Inside was a big four-poster bed, with velvet curtains. In a hallway to the side, cupboards and wardrobes were built into the walls, the sort which usually housed towels and bed sheets. At the end of the passage was the bathroom. Hwoarang didn't venture any further, for fear of what Julia might do to him if she found out he had been near the shower.

When Hwoarang had explored most of the house (except for the shower of course), he sat down on the couch and said to himself, 'What shall I do now?' Well, he decided that he would Julia up on her offer, and make himself at home. After all, that's what she had asked him to do, hadn't she?

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After raiding Julia's pantry, fridge and wine cupboard, the key to the latter he had found on a hook behind the door, a huge pile of crap the likes of which even BB could not make had arisen round the sofa. After drinking too much lemonade, Hwoarang, well, you can call it 'answering the call of nature', or some rubbish like that, but I prefer to get to the point, which is to say, Hwoarang 'needed to go potty'.

Hwoarang scrambled up and, putting his hands into the position that is used very often when you are 'busting' (come on! You should know where he put his hands!.... well, that's all the advice I'm giving you! Your perverted minds should have figured this out as soon as I told you!), ran down the hallway to where the bathroom was, when he remembered that Julia was using the shower.

"Jules!" Hwoarang yelled. "Julia! Do you have a spare toilet?" There was no reply, only singing coming from the shower. "Julia!" Hwoarang hammered at the door. "Julia!" Still no reply, just a few warbling notes coming through the door. Finally Hwoarang could hold it in no longer. He did his Power Blast (Foward+X, Square+O) on the door and it shattered to splinters. Julia's scream could be heard, and she came storming out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her.

"A burglar!" Julia screamed. "A burglar! WHERE THE FUCK IS HWOARANG, WHY HASN'T HE DONE SOMETHING ABOUT THE @$$HOLE? HWOARANG! THERE'S A FUC/ING BURGLAR ABOUT! HWOARANG?"

Suddenly Julia heard liquid hitting a bowl, ie. pssst, and a contented "Aaahhhh...." She located the noise coming from the bathroom. Julia quickly crept to the kitchen, and grabbed a butcher's knife. She crept back to the hallway and saw the shadow of a man on the bathroom's far wall. She lunged, the knife glistening in her hand and her teeth bared.....

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BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP..... Hwoarang heard the noise, and tried to escape from it, trying to wander back again to the comforting blackness of sleep. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.... The noise penetrated into his consciousness, forcing him back to reality. He opened his eyes.....

He immediately shut them again. This was a hoax, a dream, wasn't it? He was dreaming, right? He pinched himself. "OOWWW!" Well, s#it, he wasn't dreaming after all. He opened his eyes and struggled to sit up, but there was a dead weight on his legs.

Julia was sleeping on them, murmuring, "No, I ordered the chips. THE CHIPS!"

Hwoarang looked around him, struggling to crane his neck around to see the rest of the room. Was this what he thought it was? WHY THE FUC/ WAS HE AT THE HOSPITAL? He turned around when Julia started to wake up.

"Good morning sleepyhead," Hwoarang said to her. He was rewarded by a pillow in the face. Immediately, the HMM (Heartbeat Measuring Machine) started playing up, doing one continuous BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. As if on cue, doctors and nurses practically streamed out of the doors, and hurried over to Hwoarang's bed.

"Out of the way Miss Chang, we're in an emergency situation here," one doctor told Julia as he shoved her out of the way.

"Hey, you morons, can't you see he's fine?" Julia shouted at the crowd fussing over Hwoarang. Hwoarang was enjoying all the attention, until he saw the electic-machine-thingy-which-I-have-no-idea-what-it's-called-but- you-will-know-what-I-mean-because-you-rub-the-two-flat-'irons'-together- then-shout-Clear. Then Julia saw the machine too and she went ballistic.

"YOU @$$HOLES CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S FINE DON'T YOU GET IT WE WERE JUST HAVING A PILLOW FIGHT AND THEN YOU BUMHOLES HAD TO COME IN AND RUIN EVERYTHING CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S STILL IN A STATE OF SHOCK GET OUT OF HERE HE NEEDS REST!" Julia said in one breath, shouting at the top of her lungs.

All the doctors and nurses stood frozen with shock until Hwoarang spoke to them. "No, it's ok, really, I'm fine, we were just having a pillow fight....."

The crowd left with mutterings of "Just a bloody pillow fight...." and a shout from the back of the crowd, "Have fun with your girlfriend!"

"I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!" Julia thundered.

Hwoarang sat in his bed, looking bewildered at all the crap happening around him. He finally got up the nerve to ask, "Why the hell am I in hospital?"

Julia looked bemused for a second, and then she blushed, saying, "When I came out of the shower and saw you in the toilet, I--"

"You thought I was a burglar." Hwoarang said knowingly.

Julia blushed to an even deeper shade of red. "Well, yes. I crept down to the kitchen to get a knife--"

"A WHAT?!" Hwoarang yelled, and tried to struggle out of the tangle of bed sheets.

"A knife," Julia said quietly. "I got a knife, crept down the hall, and, well....."

"WELL WHAT?!" screamed Hwoarang. "WHY THE FUC/ AM I HERE?!"

Julia handed Hwoarang a mirror. Hwoarang looked into the mirror....

And screamed. "SSSSSSSSSSSS##############IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!.... ....."

Julia tried to comfort him, "It isn't that bad. You could cover it up--"

"WHAT?! YOU THINK THIS ISN'T BAD? OF COURSE IT'S BAD! THANK GOD THE TOURNAMENT ISN'T FOR ANOTHER COUPLE OF YEARS, CAUSE IT WILL TAKE THIS LONG FOR IT TO GROW BACK. WHY THE FUC/ DID YOU HAVE TO CUT OFF MY HAIR?!"

Julia roared back at him, "WELL AT LEAST IT ISN'T YOUR HEAD! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO PUT UP WITH? ALL THE SIDEWAYS GLANCES AS YOU WERE RIDING IN THE AMBULANCE AND ALL THE DIGS AT ME! 'Hey, did you kill your boyfriend? You must've been really wild.....' AND I COULDN'T EVEN KILL HIM BECAUSE IF I DID THEN NO ONE WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DRIVE THE AMBULANCE! I HAVE PUT UP WITH ENOUGH CRAP FOR YOUR SAKE!"

Hwoarang did a little strangled noise and spoke very quietly. "What was the reason that I needed to be admitted to hospital for?"

Julia calmed down and answered him, "You were in severe shock. At first I thought you'd died, and it was my fault, it was all my fault...."

As Julia broke down and cried, Hwoarang realized how hard it must have been for her, thinking that she had murdered someone. Hwoarang sat up and patted her back awkwardly, whispering to Julia. "It's all right, everything's fine, it's ok. I'm fine, everything's going to be alright...."

After Julia had settled down, Hwoarang held her at arms length and kissed the top of her head. "Look, everything's fine. Now, go wash your face and help me get out of here."

Julia scrambled up to do just that, and came back with the doctor. The doctor said, "Well, Mr, umm, Doo San, let's take a look at you. Now, let's check your pulse...." After doing a series of examinations, the doctor told Hwoarang, "You're in peak condition, except I noticed on your medical record that you were meant to have your Hepatitus B shots ages ago. Now, please hold still while I administer the needle...."

Hwoarang (and me) screamed. "S#IT! NO! PLEASE! I WANT TO LIVE, I WANT TO LIVE!"

Author getting pissed at doctor, alert alert! Author hates needles! If you put the needle in Hwoarang, fireswan will kill you doctor!

The doctor ran away at the sight of a really mad author.

"Quick, get out of here!"Julia said, grabbing Hwoarang's hand and dragging him out of bed.

"My clothes! I'm not leaving without my clothes!" Hwoarang said, flailing for the chair in the corner.

Julia quickly looked down at what Hwoarang was wearing, finally noticing the big, white, nightgown thingy he had on which made him look like a pregnant woman.

Hwoarang was now leaping for the chair, and he finally got out of Julia's grasp and grabbed his clothes.

"Quick, find me something to use as a sack," Hwoarang told Julia.

Julia quickly handed Hwoarang a pillow case, telling him, "This is crazy."

"Well, you try walking around in a maternity gown," Hwoarang said to Julia, stuffing his clothes in the pillow case.

Julia and Hwoarang crept out of the ward, Hwoarang's nightgown billowing about him, and together they sidled down the hallway to where the entrance was. They were greeted by a bull terrier growling madly at the door, straining on his leash which was tied to a tree outside.

"So, how do you propose to get us out of this one?" Julia asked sarcastically.

"Like this," Hwoarang said, grabbing Julia's hand and running like mad down a side corridor. He quickly ran through an operating room, where the doctors were having trouble getting a man's heart to beat again. Hwoarang accidentally knocked the stretcher the man was lying on, and just kept on running in a headlong dash, yelling a "Sorry!" to the doctors operating. Suddenly the HMM (well I know it's obviously not called a Heartbeat Measuring Machine, but I'm only 14 ya know! I'm not going to be a doctor, so you smart-@$$ people out there go find the name for yourself's!) came to life, letting out a healthy BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Hwoarang turned a corner, found a dead end, and turned around, looking for a way out. There was a ceiling vent above him, rusting hinges creeking invitingly to him. Hwoarang kicked the vent and gave Julia a leg up before he himself clambered in, and together they crawled madly through the dusty labyrinth.

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A/N: Of all the days in the world, the first day back it school is most likely the worst. Here I am at 12:49:47 PM Tuesday, January 28, 2003, AND SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW! It's back with the "You're a bitch" crap everyday and the homework and the teasing from my friends and the annoying emails and.... well, as you can see, I am not looking forward to school. This is my last chance for freedom, and I willing shout out one thing..... "PLEASE HELP ME!" Please review as I go through this turbulent existance and wonder when I can next write my chappies.... I NEED SALVATION!