I Lond Na 'ell - The Path To Joy
Legolas and Gimli were travelling from Ithilien to Gondor. Their great friend, the King, had died and they were to pay their respects. They travelled quietly, their usual conversations had been replaced by a contemplative silence as they remembered their times with Aragorn. Legolas remembered the first time he had met him, as a weather-beaten, dirty human with Mithrandir who arrived in Mirkwood with the creature Gollum. His father had been persuaded to guard the animal until Mithrandir could obtain the information he needed from him, and above all to keep him away from Dol Guldor and never let him escape. Legolas remembered how impressed he was by the skills of the ranger. He had learnt well from the elves of Rivendell during his childhood. They became good friends in the short time Aragorn dwelt in the Wood and Legolas was more comfortable knowing Aragorn was a member of the Fellowship.
Minas Tirith was in mourning. Flags flew at half-mast and the normally bustling city was almost still. It was eerie to say the least. They were taken to rooms high up in the city and as soon as they had both cleaned themselves they asked to be taken to Arwen. She sat alone in a darkened room, the curtains were drawn and she was dressed all in black in the fashion Men. Her sorrow covered up her beauty and the radiant glow that normally surrounded her was dimmed. If Legolas had not known her he would have just passed her by as another woman who's husband had died. He had seen many deaths since living in Ithilien, but still Legolas could not comprehend it. How could a body and soul just give up on life after such a short time? Arwen looked up at them and dabbed her eyes with a dirty piece of cloth and stood up,
"Thank you for coming so soon. It would mean so much to Aragorn," she burst into tears again and was comforted by a lady-in-waiting. Legolas and Gimli excused themselves and left her. Their hearts ached at his passing too, but it meant more to Arwen. She had lost the one person she loved more than any other. Their love was perhaps the greatest of the Third Age and now he was gone. She had tasted the bitterness of mortality and now she had nothing to live for. Her children were all grown and theirs too, so there would be no one to lavish attention on. She would literally just fade and die. But where? The thought nagged at Legolas. Gimli too, for they had discussed it briefly. Arwen was proud, she would not stay in Gondor to be pitied by her people and she would not got to Rivendell, even though her brothers had departed. There were still some there known to her and she would not subject them to the pain of her death. Legolas thought she would go and live among the last few Galadhrim. He knew that was where she and Aragorn had plighted their troth, upon Cerin Amroth, despite the warnings of her father, perhaps that would be where Arwen would want to spend what was left of her time on Arda.
There were six days before the funeral of Aragorn and his body lay in state in Fen Hollen and Legolas went there more than once. There was a great beauty and peace on Aragorn's face. He seemed almost happy to have died. How could that be? Were so few years such a toil for Men, even for a man such as Aragorn? The more Legolas tried to understand, the less he did. The funeral itself was a grand display. A celebration of the life of a great man, and also an occasion of great public mourning where women and men alike wept at the passing of the King. Arwen was there, again swathed in black. Her son Eldarion supported her on one arm and the husband of one of her daughters was at the other elbow. Her eyes were red and puffed and she appeared shrunken, having lost the grand statue of the Eldar and tears rolled continuously down her cheeks, but she made no sound not even to lift her voice in song.
That night, Legolas and Gimli's last in Minas Tirith, their conversation turned to the future. They were together in the chambers they shared sitting in the candlelight. Gimli smoked on his pipe and Legolas sipped a cup of wine,
"Gimli my friend," said Legolas as he re-filled his cup, "I feel like it is my time to leave now." Gimli breathed in deeply and sent a smoke ring across the room before speaking,
"Yes, Legolas, I know. We shall go together." Legolas shook his head,
"Gimli, you will never be allowed in the West, you are a dwarf! My friend, I would not see you set adrift in the Great Sea alone." Gimli smiled,
"She will speak for me, Legolas. They will listen. Galadriel, Lady of Light will argue for me. I would see her once more. She is the most beautiful thing in this entire world." Legolas laughed,
"I have never heard of a dwarf in love with an elf, but you have loved her all these years and I am amazed. So many would have given up hope." Gimli blushed slightly and then chose his words carefully, saying softly,
"Legolas you know what it is to be in love and without her near you." Legolas' eyes narrowed and clouded in anger. The colour rose in his cheeks and Gimli spoke again, "Legolas, I say this now because you need to hear it, even if you do not wish to. If there is anything in Middle Earth that you do not wish to leave behind then now is the time to claim it. Swallow whatever pride and bitterness that has been eating at you all these years and reach out for what you want." Gimli stopped as Legolas stood up and walked to the window. He looked out across the city. The light from countless fires flickered in the breeze and all out across the plains of Gondor Legolas could see the signs of people tucking in for the night. It had been a long time since anyone had dared even allude to Calina's presence on Arda out of fear of producing a reaction they did not want from him. She had always been in his thoughts though. The pain she had caused him was never-ending with her friend Lathrin there and he felt only regret when he saw the happiness of his best friends. Even Gimli was in love. He heard Gimli puff loudly on his pipe and knew his friend was impatient for an answer. Legolas turned and said,
"There is nothing, except what is Ithilien that I wish to take with me, Gimli." He paused for a moment and then said, "I think I shall retire for the night." And he went to rest.
Gimli was not stupid though. He knew Legolas better then Legolas knew himself. And Gimli knew Legolas' closest guarded secret - the whereabouts of the picture of Calina. The paper was now faded and the lines almost gone but Gimli knew it was currently resting in the bottom of Legolas' pack. He took it everywhere with him. Gimli did not want to think that he carried it as a memory of regret and a reminder to never let it happen again. He wanted to believe in their love, that it could flourish once more. He would never have the woman he loved, but Legolas could and he was too stubborn to see it. This would not do. Gimli took matters into his own hands.
Standing up, he put out his pipe and then left the rooms they shared. He traipsed through the corridors of the palace not really knowing where he was going, but finally bumped into Eldarion, literally,
"Highness, please, I must see you mother. It is urgent for I know she will leave here soon."
"Not soon Master Gimli, tonight. The place is up in arms. She insists on travelling to Lothlórien on her own and never wishes to see us again. I am going to rouse my sisters who are already gone to bed. She must not be allowed to do this."
"Eldarion, it is now even more crucial that I see her. I must go now!" Eldarion looked down at the dwarf and knew of his mother's soft spot for the comrades of his father. He smiled,
"She is in her chambers, through that door." Gimli nodded and they parted.
The guards were very reluctant to let Gimli through. There was much debate outside the door with them, and then the ladies-in-waiting got involved and a full scale argument was about to start when Gimli stepped between them all, pushed open the door slightly and called in,
"My lady Arwen, the lock-bearer of the lady Galadriel requests a short audience. Will you consent?" There was a little laugh from inside and a slight sniff and he was granted his request. Gimli sat long with Arwen and explained the feelings of his friend and then ended by saying, "My lady, I beg you to delay your journey by this one night. I have spoken to your son who spoke of your wished to leave immediately, but I beg you to let me have time to write to the King of Eryn Lasgalen, Legolas' father. He will help this situation I am sure for he too knows of Legolas' love for Calina. I know the messengers have already been sent to the Wood, but if you are travelling that way I was hoping you would place it in the hands of those who trade with the Halls in the forest." Arwen smiled down at Gimli, her grandmother's favourite,
"Gimli, son of Gloín, you have favour with my family. I shall deliver whatever letter you wish into the hands of Thranduil himself. I may have lost my love and with it my hope and joy, but I am not so selfish to deny it from others. My heart hopes for the love of Legolas and Calina. I saw their love together once," Arwen became wistful for a moment, as if gazing back into the past, "but then the next time I was there it was gone, and I could not understand that at all." She then appeared to come back to the moment and her smiled fell on Gimli's face. The glory that used to be there was gone but it was still beautiful and she said, "I will grant this favour to you, lock-bearer, in the name of Galadriel, my mother's mother." Gimli beamed and thanked her before making his excuses to leave. His hand was on the door handle when Arwen said, "When you arrive in the Blessed Realms, please, commend me to my grandmother. And to my father and tell him that I shall always love him." Gimli nodded,
"I shall carry your message as faithfully as I know you will carry mine." Arwen nodded and they parted.
Gimli spent all night pouring over scraps of paper, patently writing out a letter in the curved elvish script he had learnt and in Sindarin too. As the Sun rose and natural light began to enter the room once more Gimli finally put down his quill. Legolas would wake soon and the letter had to been given to Arwen without anyone else's knowledge. There was a soft knock at the door and then a servant of Arwen's entered. She curtseyed to Gimli and said,
"Begging your pardon sir, but lady Arwen is to leave now and she knows you have something you wish to give her. I am to take it to her." Gimli stood up,
"I will do it myself, I should like to say goodbye." The servant shook her head sadly,
"Her highness says goodbye to no one except her son and daughters." Gimli nodded sadly and entrusted the important letter into the young girl's outstretched hand and she left.
Those who saw the solitary white horse leave through the city gates would have though nothing of it, but on closer inspection the rider was a woman, and alone, and rode bareback. There was only one in the city that it could be. Arwen set off north to Eryn Lasgalen. She would travel quickly and put as much distance between her and her human life as possible. In Lothlórien she could still cling to one of the last parts of elvendom, but by the next spring she knew she would not see the trees of the Golden Wood bloom.
Arwen's journey was not long, and the weather was pleasant for spring, not cold at all and she rode alone towards Eryn Lasgalen. Those she saw on the rode ignored her, she appeared only as a shrunken widow in black with nothing of any great worth so not even robbers were interested. She finally drew near to the eaves of the Wood as the Sun fell below the tree level and long, dark shadows were thrown out across the plains. Arwen found the path to Thranduil's halls with no trouble, but she was surprised to note that there were no guards to challenge her entry. Perhaps the wood- elves had finally learnt to trust the outside world, she mused. No such luck. As she clattered into the courtyard two elves dressed in green leapt out and aimed two arrows at her throat before she could even think to speak,
"Who are you and why do you journey to the Halls of Thranduil, King of Eryn Lasgalen?" demanded one,
"I am an errand runner, I desire to hand my letter to the King," Arwen said not raising her head. The guards could tell she was no man from her voice, but they could not see her face because she had a hood pulled down over it. The elves did not lower their bows, Arwen could feel their suspicion rise and her horse under her shifted at the tension that was being created,
"Once more, lady," the guard said stressing that word, "who are you and what is your purpose here?"
"Once more I answer, I am an errand runner and I have a letter that must be delivered personally to the King."
"If the letter is so important show us your face and then we shall be the judge of it." Arwen knew she would get nowhere with these two guards. They could talk round in circles till nightfall for all she cared and she was just preparing to deliver a scathing come-back when she heard the sound of wood knocking on wood. Her mind jumped to a lakeside in Ithilien where Legolas and Gimli were building a great grey boat to sail across the Sea in. Legolas' friends were there too, lending a hand, it would not be long until the boat would be finished. Time was important. Arwen sat tall on the horse and pulled back her hood,
"I am Arwen Evenstar, Queen of Gondor. You will show me to King now," The guards dropped their bows in amazement and one immediately offered to help Arwen down from her horse. She refused his help and gave the reins to the other to stable the horse. She was led inside and to Thranduil's study. The guard spoke again,
"My lady I am sorry for any misunderstanding outside. I shall fetch the King now. He is at dinner, but he would not wish to keep you waiting. Is there any thing you need in the meantime?" Arwen shook her head and the guard left.
It was not long before Thranduil swept into the room. He was dressed in the colours of autumn and a circlet of gold was on his head. Arwen rose and they both bowed to each other. The King took her hands in his and expressed his grief at the passing of her husband and then said,
"This is an unexpected honour, Arwen, to what do we owe it? As I understood it you were to remain with your family?"
"That was my family's wish, Thranduil, not mine. I am going to Lothlórien to spend my last days with my mother's people, but I was asked to make sure this was delivered to you. I thought the most reliable way would be to do that myself." She produced the letter from the folds of her travelling cloak and handed it to him. Thranduil examined the seal and the hand and looked at her puzzled,
"I do not recognise the seal or the writing, it is almost illegible. Who writes to me such?"
"It is a letter from Gimli, Lord of the Glittering Cave, sire. I believe he writes to you of your son." Panic spread through Thranduil's face,
"He is not hurt, or ill is he? Please, do not let my son be dead!" Arwen smiled and placed a kind hand on his arm,
"No Lord, he is well of body. It is his mind and soul that are troubled. Surely you know that he is preparing to leave Middle-Earth?" Thranduil nodded, he had had a letter from Legolas about that soon after the messengers from Minas Tirith had announced the death of Aragorn to a full court in the Wood. Arwen continued, "I believe Gimli is anxious he does not leave something, or rather someone, precious behind." Thranduil nodded and a knowing look spread across his face,
"Arwen I wish it had not come to this. In your grief you are running errands for a dwarf who knows too much of my stubborn son's heart when you should be finding peace. I beg you, rest here for a while, tonight at least and perhaps I can try to make amends." But Arwen shook her head,
"That is kind, and I thank you, but I wish to be on my way. Would you have my horse brought to me?" Thranduil could never refuse a woman with beauty, power and knowledge, and so Arwen got what she wished with little argument and as the twilight drew ever closer she rode south again towards Lothlórien and Thranduil settled down in his study to read this important letter. It took him many long hours to decipher the formalities and terrible handwriting, but the message reached him. Calina and Legolas must be brought together for their own sakes even if it meant interfering beyond usual bounds. Thranduil rose from his desk at midnight and carefully placed the letter in a pocket. In the morning he had a visit to make and it would not be a pleasant one, but it had to be done. The lives of two elves depended on it.
For Calina, she awoke that morning like every other - cold. She groaned and huddled closer into her blanket shivering to try and get some warmth. It was undignified for an elf to be like that, but she had sold her flet and had taken to sleeping on the workshop floor. The workshop was draughty so she could not have the fire on all night in case the sparks flew and set fire to anything. Not that she had money for the wood either. Times had been hard for her. Most of the wood had left and there was no money to be made in travelling boxes - most elves could knock those up themselves, it was not hard to bolt a few squares of wood together. She threw off her blanket and dusted off a few stray bits of dirt from her robe and set about lighting the fire so she could at least be warm while, once again, she went over the books to try and squeeze a bit more money out of it. She knew she could not manage it. There were no more staff to let go, she got wood at the cheapest price in the forest (felling it herself) and she barely ate anything other than lembas to keep her strength up. Any normal elf would have given up by now, but Calina could not. She knew her heart was waiting for something, the saving of the workshop she hoped, and still she could not give up on the Birch name. Calina's hands shook as she rubbed the dry sticks together in an attempt to get a fire blazing. Finally there was a bit of smoke and gradually the flames rose and warmth spread through the room slowly. Wrapped in a blanket and munching on a wafer of lembas she sat cross-legged on the last workbench she had not chopped for firewood with her books on her lap. She was always praying that she would find something she had missed, perhaps an outstanding bill which would bring in enough money to make some goods to take to Dale and sell for a high profit, but to no avail. A tear ran silently down her face. Perhaps it really was time to give up? What would she do? Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a lone horse.
Calina stood up and dusted herself off. She pushed stray bits of hair behind her ears and splashed her face with some water to get rid of some of the dirt. She walked outside and started at the person there. Thranduil could hardly believe that the elf in front of him was the same one that he had seen laughing and joking with his son, joy shining from her face. Calina was now shrunken and pale and appeared more like the first time he had seen her, and not the later times. Thranduil felt only pity. Calina curtseyed and then panicked. She had nowhere to receive the King. Luckily Thranduil solved that for her by sweeping inside the workshop,
"Calina, I am not here to be polite and to ask after your health, for that is plain for everyone to see. You are not well." She opened her mouth to protest, but Thranduil carried on, "Now as you know, I am no great fan of dwarves, but one has written to me on a matter of interest that may also concern you. The letter, you see, comes from my son's friend Gimli. He writes at the news that he and Legolas are due to sail West, Elbereth knows why a dwarf is going, but I will leave that aside." Thranduil let these words drift from his mouth so he could watch Calina digest these words. He detected a slight widening of her pupils, but he could not quite tell how she took the news. Neither could Calina. Something inside her flipped, but whether it was her heart out of love, or her stomach out of nausea, she could not be sure. Thranduil saw she was not going to say anything so he continued, "It appears that my son is fading. Apparently no other elf sees fit to inform me, but this dwarf obviously sees it his place as my son's" Thranduil examined the parchment he held carefully, searching for the expression, "'battle-comrade and close, personal friend'." Thranduil's eyebrows arched and he looked back at Calina. Her arms were folded across her body and she was keeping her emotions very close, "Can you imagine the reason Calina?" Slowly she shook her head, denying what her heart shouted to her. Thranduil shook his head and gave a wry smile, "It appears my son is in love, and has been for years." Calina stared blankly at him and the king sighed, "I made a promise to my son not to get involved between him and you, but when a dwarf starts worrying, I start to get upset. This has gone too far. Look at you Calina. Just look." Thranduil's voice became hard and commanding and Calina blushed,
"Please, sire, please do not. Do not make me do this. I know this looks a mess, but it will improve I promise you. I started from nothing, and this is not nothing. I have got tools and some wood." Thranduil cut her off,
"It is not the workshop Calina, it is you. You are drawn and pale. I have only seen you looking worse once, but I do not wish to drag up the awful way that you arrived in Legolas' life. Remember the joy you felt with him? Or has your heart hardened and become too brittle? If you search your soul, what do you feel? Tell me Calina, what does your soul remember about Legolas?" A tear spilt out of her eye and trickled down her cheek, followed by another and another and she shook her head, not wanting to remember. Thranduil felt his throat dry up and contract and to Calina's surprise put his arms around her, "Shh child, I do not mean to be harsh, but I think it is the only way to get through to you. Just think back, please? Or do I need to order it?" Thranduil smiled as he felt Calina relax in his arms. She closed her eyes and thought back. A gentle circular movement on her back helped push back the wall she had built around that part of her memory. She was flooded with so much warmth that she almost stumbled on her feet. She had not felt that warm for a long time, even when she could get a good fire roaring. She smiled as she remembered the time she had spent at the palace and the main reason for that appeared as an image burned onto the back of her eyelids and remained there for days after. The gentle eyes and the warm smile of Legolas looked down at her the way he often had during their short time together. It was a look of love and joy and that he could not almost believe she felt the same way back. Felt? Or had felt? Calina gasped and her eyes opened with a start. She fought for her breath and released the hold she had on the collar of Thranduil's shirt. Calina took a couple of steps back and then let her wide eyes meet Thranduil's knowing ones. He gave her a half smile and a nod of encouragement, "Did you feel the heat Calina? All that desire and those wants? All those years of pent up passion?"
"Stop! Stop it!" Calina turned away and forced back the feeling in her stomach. In a small voice she said, "What is the point now anyway?" A firm hand was placed on her shoulder and Calina was twisted back round,
"There is always a point penneth . Do you wish to feel like this till the Great End?" Calina shook her head, but avoided the King's knowing eyes, "Go to him Calina. One of you must be brave and make this step and I fear that despite all his battles Legolas does not have the courage." Once more tears sprang to Calina's eyes, but she was not aware of them,
"I cannot. What if he does not want me? What if Gimli is wrong?" Thranduil smiled,
"Sit down here and let me read to you from this letter." Calina settled herself on the bench and Thranduil wrapped a blanket around her even though it was day and began to read. "'Your highness, I do not know if you are aware of what I speak, but Legolas is in possession of a framed drawing of Calina. He drew it when she was first at your Palace and still very ill. I am sure you would know it if you had seen it, her beauty is breathtaking.' You see Calina, I do know of this picture and I know it is of you, even though Legolas never told me." She looked at him blankly so he continued, "'The reason I mention it is that Legolas carries it everywhere he goes. As I write this from Minas Tirith I can tell you the first thing that he packs whenever he travels is the picture in its frame, that itself a gift from her. Highness, beg her to come to him if you must, for I can no longer stand to see him in such pain. The lady Mineta knows of this also, and we have discussed it before at length, but she did not feel it necessary to trouble you. I, however, disagree. I am not well versed in the ways of elves and love, but as a friend to Legolas I thought I owed him this much to try and help. If there is anything you can do please, highness, try. Gimli, son of Gloín, Lord of the Glittering Caves.'" Thranduil folded the letter up and looked at Calina, "Have a hope child, have a hope."
He looked at Calina for a long while as she struggled with herself. He did not want to push her too far, but he could not stand to see her in pain. Thranduil respected and loved Calina for all the trials she had been through and the way she had stuck to what she believed in. She was happy and kind when he had known her and most importantly of all she had made his son happy too. Thranduil had not seen Legolas so peaceful as the times he had seen Calina wrapped in Legolas' arms and the way they looked at each other reminded him of the way his wife had looked at him.
Calina closed her eyes as the words of Gimli's letter buzzed around her head. She found no sanctuary though because Legolas' face was there, smiling at her and his voice telling her that he loved her. Calina shook her head and opened her eyes, Thranduil was still staring at her, "I am scared, I cannot do this. Please, highness, tell me what to do." Thranduil shook his head,
"I am not here as a King, Calina. I am here for my son and for you, whom I love as well as a daughter. I cannot make this decision for you. You must do that on your own. There is something I would give you though, regardless of what choice you make." He took out a small, silver leaf from him pocket, "This is the symbol of our family, wrought in mithril. If you go to Ithilien, it may prove useful, but if you do not, keep it as a remembrance of the time you spent with my family." Calina opened her mouth to protest at such a gift, but Thranduil pressed it into her head and closed her fingers around it, "Please Calina? To please an old man?" She nodded and smiled and tried to say thank you, but her words were silenced by a wave of the King's hand, "I must leave you now. Make this choice today Calina. It must be done. If you travel south you cannot help but find the Anduin. Legolas builds his ship on a lake there. If you find the water of the river fast and the current strong you are too far upstream and if the water is smooth and slow then you are too far down stream. Do you understand?" She nodded and then embraced the King,
"Le hannon.. adar, " she whispered in his ear. Calina missed it, but the joy that spread across Thranduil's face was immeasurable. He knew she would go to Ithilien, even if it took her all of the rest of the day to decide. The seed of curiosity had been planted in her and Thranduil knew Calina enough to know she could not rest until she knew Legolas' feelings for her. He kissed her forehead and then left her in the workshop, standing there and thinking. Thranduil rode back to the palace knowing he had done the best he could for the two of them while they were still in Middle Earth.
Calina stood and thought for a moment and then began to pace around the workshop, she could not think straight. She needed to be somewhere where there were no memories of Legolas to haunt her, somewhere where she could escape from him. There was only one place she could think of.
Calina rode through the woods unable to get Thranduil's words from her mind. They haunted her until she almost believed them to be true. As she rode, Calina past the main trade tracks through Eryn Lasgalen and she saw the almost indistinguishable track that lead to Beechgrove. The horse picked its way slowly through the thorny bushes that had sprung up and covered the path. She had walked it many times as a young elf following after her father and brothers as they left to travel around Mirkwood selling their furniture. The end of the path was the furthest she was allowed to go before she was made to turn round and return to her mother. Once she had hidden in the cart and gone all the way to the edge of the forest before being discovered. That was the furthest she had been until she had become a few hundred years old and she was finally allowed to travel to Dale with her father and one of her brothers. She only made that trip twice before the War came and Mirkwood was attacked. Calina did not want to remember anymore. She had not been home since. She had not seen where her family had been laid to rest to go back into the earth from where the Firstborn came.
In front of her the thick forest parted. It had not been long enough since the fires for the forest to have re-grown completely, but the trees in Beechgrove grew tall and straight once again and reached up to the Sun and delved their roots deep into the ground. There had only been five families in their village and Calina could see the remains of each of their flets. The five wide and tall trees around which the village was built had been felled and their trunks rotted on the ground along while the scorched wood from the flets lay twisted and rotten underneath and on top of them. Calina got off the horse and left it to graze on safer ground and picked her way slowly through the wreckage. Her family's flet was the furthest way from the track and she past by the ruins of the homes of everyone she had known since birth until that fateful day.
There was nothing left of the family home except rubble. Her parents' work over thousands of years reduced to ash and dust and rotting wood. She turned over some of the bigger pieces of wood and caught sight of the last remains of objects she had been around all her life, fractions of objects once familiar, but now indeterminable. No longer the hard and strong things she played on as a girl, climbing over them as she was chased by one of her brothers, but reduced to a fraction of their former glory, breaking apart as she touched them.
Calina's eyes rested on a piece of carving under part of the flet wall. It was a small love knot that her father had carved for her mother before their marriage. Calina wondered how something that small could have lasted so long. As she picked it up she saw that the wood was still smooth and firm beneath her touch and still had the soft sheen that only polished wood retained. Calina ran her fingers over the carving, a symbol of her parents' love. As a young elf, Calina had always wanted to find someone she would love enough to shape such a piece for, and hoped that one day someone would make something just as precious for her. A bird was disturbed in a tree nearby and Calina looked up to see what the cause of this was. She could see nothing, but her eyes were drawn to five mounds nearby. Two placed side by side and then another three close together a little way off from the other two. Her parents and three brothers. Grass and wild flowers had grown over the mounds of earth, but there was no mistaking their true purpose - the last resting ground of her family. Calina looked at the object in her hand and at last realised why it had endured. The love of her parents, their spirits together in the Halls of Mandos, was still present somewhere in Middle-Earth and while that remained so would the carving.
Calina sat down on the grass and watched the graves, hoping that maybe there would be some intervention by the Valar and that perhaps her family would live again. Life was so much simpler for her then. She did not have to worry about the multitude of consequences that her actions had. And she had no one to love, none of the cares that that brought. But then she had none of the joys either. The knowledge that in the world there was someone who thought her more precious than any other made her heart leap. The way his touch calmed her and the way she knew that only in his arms would she ever find true peace. Calina had carved something out of love for him and in his way Legolas had made something for her as well. The drawing and the frame it sat in that Legolas had carried with him throughout his journeys was testament to their love. He had showed it to her once at the palace. He had said that of all his possessions, that was the most precious thing to him because she would always be there with him, at peace, no matter how far they were apart.
Then doubt filled her. What if that was not enough? Could she carve something large enough for Legolas? Could she satisfy him? Perhaps she could never satisfy him? He had been so far, seen so many things and they had been apart for so long, how could she compete with that as a simple she- elf from the forest? She drove this thought from her mind. Of course she was enough for him, why else would he say he loved her? She loved him more than life itself and she would do anything she could for him. Calina knew that to be true. Something had awoken inside her again and it was firing her and giving her a new strength and determination. Then another doubt entered her head. Legolas' heart no longer rested on Middle-Earth and longed to sail over the Sea. She was not ready to leave, but she could not stand anymore time apart from him. The call of Legolas was enough to make her wish to leave. She needed to be beside him, wherever that may be.
"Nana , I wish you were here to give me counsel. You and Ada always knew what to say," she said looking at the graves of her parents, "I wish you were here now to help me now." Calina's eyes rested on the graves of her three brothers, "And my brothers! You could always lighten my soul and bring me joy even in my darkest hours. How I miss our laughter." Her eyes turned away, "I will never find help here now," and her voice had a bitter note, "I will find answers here no longer. If only..." Calina stopped, she had played that game with herself far too often over the years. If only her family had not died, if only she had made it back to the forest on her own, if only the workshop still existed in Beechgrove and she worked all day with her family and friends, singing as they went about their business. If only her father had let her travel with him in the wood, perhaps she would have met a nice elf and would have married him and started her own family not far from her own. None of that mattered anymore. Each one of those thoughts had been replaced by two things, and two things alone. Either Legolas or her own workshop or both were better than any of the hypothetical scenarios she had dreamt up over the years about what her life could be. Calina sighed. She no longer had a workshop, the only thing left to hold to was Legolas. She needed him more than ever now. A soft breeze blew over her skin and Calina shivered and she remembered the gentle caresses of Legolas. Someone had to be sensible about things, she told herself, and if Legolas refused to do it, then she would.
"Maleneth! Maleneth!" She called to her wandering horse. It lifted its head and neighed to her before trotting carefully through the rubble to where Calina stood. She tucked the carving carefully inside the pocket of her robe where she normally kept a pencil and things for the workshop and leapt onto her horse. Maleneth seemed to know Calina's mind and without a word or even a conscious thought from Calina it ignored the path and headed straight through the trees making a beeline back to the village to pack. Her mind did not waver anymore. She had to do this, it was too important to her for any doubt to be in her mind. In a small pack she placed the few robes she had left, a few tools because she could bear to be without them for too long, some lembas and some water. That would be all she would need. She threaded the silver leaf onto a chain around her neck, threw a travelling cloak around her shoulders and dragged her tired horse from the grazing field. It was early afternoon, but Calina decided to set out then and there. She had no time to waste.
When arriving back at the palace, Thranduil had ordered a close watch be kept for anyone leaving the forest. They were not to be stopped, just a description noted and word sent to the king. Just before dinner, a message arrived that a she-elf riding a white mare had left Eryn Lasgalen and headed due south. Thranduil smiled to himself and said softly, "Navaer iellen, cuio mae!"
Calina rode hard for days. The horse grew tired, but still Calina urged her on and sooner than she expected she reached Gondor. By now the guards of that realm were used to seeing elves travelling south. People offered her food and rest, but Calina took neither, her only thought was getting to the Anduin. One cool spring day, a fortnight since she had set out, Calina rode over a ridge and saw the great river sparkling in the distance. They halted for a moment and she looked about her. Rising in the East were the great mountains of Mordor, no longer quite so terrible looking as the only clouds about them were white and the Sun shone off their peaks and to the south and the west were green fields and forests. No one would have believed that only a hundred and twenty years ago this land was ravaged by the scars of war. It looked as though there had always been peace in this region. Calina smiled and urged the horse on once more. It was only an hour until she reached the river and she found it fast flowing. Following the advice of Thranduil, she rode downstream, sticking as close to the river as the land would allow. She went round a great bend in the landscape and there in front of her was a small waterfall sending spray into the air and casting rainbows over the trees and there below it was a small lake with the makings of a boat floating on the still water. Calina froze and tried to stop the horse, but it knew her inner thoughts and took her onwards. At the last minute Calina cast her hood over her face and removed the leaf from the chain around her neck. She pressed it tight into her hand and rode towards the figure on the small dock.
She smiled to herself as she saw Legolas trying desperately to shape a piece of wood with little luck. He was concentrating so hard that he did not hear her approach. Finally, in a gesture of frustration, he cast the bit of wood into a nearby bush and let out a growl of anger. Calina could not help but say, "You know, it is much easier to carve with the grain, than against it." Legolas spun round, his eyes blazing,
"Who are you and where do you travel from?"
"I come from Eryn Lasgalen and I am here to see you." Calina said. She had pictured this meeting so many times in her head. This was the point Legolas would lift her off the horse into his arms and tell her how much he loved her and then kiss her. He did not show any sign of moving though. The colour in his cheeks heightened, clearly he was not in the best of moods,
"And what do you think gives you the right to assume an audience with the Prince of Eryn Lasgalen?" Silently thanking Thranduil, Calina tossed him the mithril leaf. Legolas caught it deftly and examined it in his hand, "Where did you get this from? This is only given to members of my family!"
"It was given to me by Thranduil before I left the forest. He said that he loved me as well as any daughter and gave it to me." Calina replied coolly.
"Show yourself and tell me your name!" Legolas commanded. Calina just laughed and said,
"You shall have to guess Legolas. You used to be fond of games, time cannot have changed you that much. Now give me back my leaf." Legolas clenched his fists and said,
"Not till you give me your name."
"Then I guess we shall be here some while." Calina remained on the horse; her hood pulled down over her face. She could just see Legolas under the edge and her heart skipped a few beats. All she wanted to do was get off the horse and go to him, but not with him in this mood. She had come all this way; the least he could do was play along. He took a step towards her and shouted,
"Tell me your name!"
Calina was now saved by fate. Before he reached the horse, a figure emerged from the wood by the lakeside and started towards them. She had heard the exchange and recognised Calina's voice immediately even if Legolas had not,
"Legolas I have a message from Verlat. He needs to speak with you now."
"In a minute Lathrin, I am dealing with our visitor," he said emphasising the last word and narrowing his eyes at Calina,
"No Legolas, now. It is important. I can take care of this."
"Very well," he said, "You shall not get this back until you tell me your name," were his parting words to Calina before he strode into the trees. Lathrin ran to the horse and pulled Calina down off it,
"I cannot believe it took you so long to get here. I was beginning to lose hope Calina, but I am so glad you are here for him. I presume that is why you are here." Calina pushed her hood back and nodded. Lathrin laughed and flung her arms around her friend, "What was happening between the two of you? Why did you not just get off the horse and tell him you love him Calina? What does he have of yours?" Calina laughed at the string of questions, but Lathrin had one more, "How did you know we would be here?" Calina smiled,
"Find me somewhere to stay and I shall tell you everything. There is also another favour to ask." Lathrin raised an eyebrow and Calina continued, "When do you next dine with Legolas?"
"Tonight, we are all dining together - Verlat and I, Mineta and Nithin, Legolas and Gimli. Why?"
"Will you invite me?"
"Of course, do not be silly, you do not need an invitation. Unless," she said, catching on, "this is part of the plan." Calina returned her sly grin and they hurried to Lathrin's flet before anyone would see them.
Lathrin and Calina hurried to the flet she shared with Verlat and Lathrin shut them both up in a small room they kept spare in case of visitors. Calina did not have many belongings with her so it was made easier by that. The two of them squeezed past each other as they tried to hang up Calina's robes and get the creases out of her best one that she wanted to wear that evening. Calina told Lathrin everything that had happened over the years, but when questioned about what finally made her leave the Wood, she would only say that she wanted to discuss that with Legolas first.
Evening came and Calina was still in the little room getting ready. She heard everyone arrive in the flet - the laughter of Mineta and Nithin, the gruffness of Gimli, and the gentle voice of Legolas. Lathrin was flitting about in the kitchen while her husband tried to wipe the grin off his face that had been stuck there since he found Calina in his flet. Calina hung the empty chain for the leaf around her neck and waited with her ear pressed to the door. She wanted to leave the room as soon as dinner was served. If there was going to be an awkward moment at least people could eat in silence and not feel quite so uncomfortable, she thought. The clatter of plates in the kitchen indicated Lathrin was ready to serve and Calina heard Verlat motion everyone to sit down. They soon realised there was an extra place laid at the table. Mineta asked,
"Who else are we expecting for dinner Verlat? Do you have a guest staying?" Verlat nodded and he said,
"Yes we do. They will be out in a minute." Calina finally heard the setting down of plates on the table and she twisted the door handle. She walked into the main room, and luckily Legolas' back was to her. Her eyes met first with Verlat's who gave her a nod of encouragement and then she was seen by Nithin, who smiled and said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Evening, my lady, I am pleased to see you again." Gimli rose and bowed and then Legolas finally turned his head. Calina could not read his face. It could have been anger, or joy, or simply horror that flashed across it before his managed to get control of his features and force his face back into the neutral one he had perfected standing by his father for all those years. He turned his head back and stared at the plate in front of him. Calina sat herself in the empty seat between Gimli and Nithin at the round table, unfortunately, directly opposite Legolas. Lathrin placed a plate in front of her and said,
"There you are Calina, I am sure you have not eaten properly for a while on your journey so I have given you extra to fatten you up!" Calina laughed and thanked her. Calina caught Mineta's eye who gave her a nod of approval and a smile before they all tucked in. It was not the most comfortable of dinners they had shared together, but it could have been far worse. Calina listened as they spoke of what they had achieved since being in Ithilien and laughed at their jokes. Legolas was silent though and barely raised his eyes from his plate. When he did though, and let his eyes meet Calina's fleetingly she felt a fire rage inside her. She tried to read his face, but found it too confusing. There was pain, and sorrow, but also anger and hatred. The fire inside her was quenched, perhaps she had made the wrong decision.
When the ordeal of dinner was over, the friends all sat down with an instrument to sing the old songs of Eryn Lasgalen and the new ones of Ithilien. Calina listened for a time and joined in when she could, but after a while she excused herself and went to stand on the little ledge that surrounded the flet. From there she looked out into the darkness. All around were the lights from the flets of elves or the homes of men and she could hear the river flowing and the last of the birds singing before going to roost. They sky had turned an inky blue, except very low down in the West, but Calina looked north, back towards her home. She stood there for some time, listening to the voices inside and trying to think of what to do if Legolas did not take her back. Could she go back home to the Wood? No one would have missed her she supposed, except Thranduil, and he would not say anything to her, just share her sadness. There was a noise behind her, "Calina?" It was Legolas. Calina turned to go back inside but he placed a hand on her shoulder and said, "Sedho !" Calina pulled away from his touch. It burned her skin and sent the most beautiful sensations through her body. She did not want to feel them just as it was all about to be taken away. Legolas saw her do this and frowned, if that was not why she was here, to be with him, then why had she come? He tried to get her eyes to look into his but Calina was scared and not willing to oblige him. Finally Legolas took her gently by the chin and lifted her head up to be in line with his. He noticed her eyes were glassy from tears she was about to lose control of so he asked her quickly, "Why are you here?" and then let her go once more. Calina brushed her eyes and smiled,
"Legolas, you pretend you do not know. Please, do not do that, you will make it even harder for me."
"What, Calina? What is so hard?"
"Oh Elbereth Legolas, does it need to be spelt out one letter at a time?" Calina took a deep breath and swallowed her panic, "I am here for you. I am here because I cannot last another instant without knowing whether you share the aching that is in my heart. The pain started when you left my flet, the last time I saw you and it has not stopped since. And now you are going away, and I cannot bear to be apart from you any more. A few hundred leagues was bad enough, but an ocean Legolas? No, I could not stand it. Please Legolas, mathach cha? I naeg?"
Legolas looked at her for a moment, his mind was perfectly calm and a serene feeling washed over him. The elf in front of him stared scared like a young horse ready to bolt, but all Legolas felt was this wonderful peace and warmth that spread through his body. Calina shifted uncomfortable, her eyes wanting to brim over again,
"Please Legolas, tell me." Then he smiled and Calina's heart soared, because she knew he felt as she did, but still she needed to hear his words, "Tell me Legolas?" He placed a hand on her chest, which then moved up her neck to cradle one side of her face. Calina leant into his touch and it seemed an age before, with tears in his eyes too, Legolas learnt forward and whispered in her ear,
"Mathon cha, melethen." I Calina closed her eyes as his warm breath tickled her cold ear. Her heart jumped again and she moved her arms round Legolas back and pressed his warm chest against her. Legolas stroked her hair and Calina rested her head in his neck and then breathed his smell in. He still smelt the same, regardless of which part of Arda he was in. She felt the same calming feeling she had always felt when she was this close to him, and safe beyond her wildest dream. She gently kissed his neck, and Legolas shivered at her touch, but Calina continued in a slow, but deliberate line up to his jawbone and then alone till her lips met his. Calina pulled back for a moment, and searched Legolas' face for any sign of disagreement. Legolas answered her by bridging the gap between their lips himself and he was rewarded with a gentle moan as Calina's lips parted and she teased his tongue with hers. Warmth spread through them, and the pain was dulled. They never felt it again. Neither of them wanted that moment to end, but Calina had one more thing to say to Legolas,
"Ernillen, you have something that belongs to me. You know my name now, and I would like my leaf back." Legolas smiled,
"Of course Calina. You are part of the family now and I am glad my father loves you almost as much as I do. He will be pleased I know, but how did he come to give you this?" He took the leaf out of his pocket and undid the chain at the back of her neck and threaded it back on. He looked at it around her neck and stroked the mithril and her skin that lay next to it, and then looked at her for a reply. Calina frowned for a moment, not knowing how to begin, but sat down on the wooden floor and pulled Legolas after her,
"It is such a long story, Legolas, I do not know where to begin."
"Then start where we left off, Calina. Tell me everything since I last saw you because I want to know it all." Legolas put one arm around her and pulled her close and then once she was settled against him he took her hand and stroked her thumb with his. He let her start in her own time, but once she had opened the door into her soul, she could not stop the outpouring. Calina spoke of all the years of trying, while watching the workshop diminish without anything she could do and trying to replace the loss of his love with bits of wood. Calina told him how Turel had turned down the apprenticeship, about her trip to Rivendell and how she felt when Lathrin left. She cried as she spoke of spending years trying to make ends meet and scrape by while trying to keep as many of her loyal workers and friends in jobs, but one by one they either sailed West or she had to let them go. Legolas held her tighter to him as she said that all the time she knew something was missing and told herself it was her family, but really it was him, because nothing meant anything without him there. Then Calina told her of her visit from Thranduil, and the letter. Legolas was angry, at first with his father and Gimli and then with Calina because he thought she had only come to him because she could not have the workshop and so yet again he was second best. Calina pleaded with him,
"No Legolas, it is not like that! You were never second best, the workshop was. Compared to my love for you it is nothing. No matter what I do to it, a tree is still a tree whether it is a chair or a table, or a box. With you it is different, things always change, you and I will always change. That is far more special, far more precious and far more important. Please, do not let us argue anymore." Legolas rested the top of his head on hers,
"It always felt like I was competing Calina, as if it was a choice between me and your family, and, not meaning offence Calina, they are dead. I am alive and you chose them or those bits of wood." Calina sat up and looked him in the eye,
"I never realised you felt like that. Legolas it was never a competition, I just felt like I owed them. They died and I did not and I could not forgive myself for that. I suppose I tried to live their lives for them, and forgot about my own. My life is you, Legolas. You have made me whole again." She buried her face in his hair and cried, half in desperation and half out of grief for her family. Legolas stroked her back in circles and whispered soft words into her ear,
"I understand Calina, I do now. Why could we not have had this conversation decades ago?" Calina just smiled through the tears,
"Stay here Legolas, I shall be back in one moment." She went inside, everyone had gone, but she had not noticed and she could hear Lathrin and Verlat speaking to each other in their bedroom. She went into her little room and pulled the blanket off the bed and took a small package from the table and then returned outside. She tossed Legolas the blanket and then snuggled down under it with him before placing her hands and the package on top of it, "I went back to Beechgrove before I left. The first time since it was attacked, " Legolas took hold of her wrists and massaged the soft skin on the insides, "I found this among the rubble of our old home. I really cannot say how old it is, or why it has lasted so long in such good condition, but I want you to have it Legolas." She unwrapped the love knot that her father had made her mother, "My father made this for my mother before their marriage. It is a love knot," she said unnecessarily. There was a little pause and Legolas struggled to find the right words, "Feel how smooth it is Legolas." She took his hand and ran it along the smooth wood gently. Beneath his fingers it felt like this piece had been lovingly cared for decades, not millennia and especially not after a fire and the years rotting on the forest floor.
"Calina, I do not know what to say, this is too precious, you should not give it to me." She shook her head,
"No Legolas, I want you to have it."
"Very well, I know what we can do with it. When we get a home of our own it can sit next to the frame you made me." Legolas smiled at her,
"Are you asking me to marry you Legolas?"
"Yes Calina, if you will have me?" Calina laughed and pulled a mock- thoughtful look, as if she was weighing up the pros and cons of Legolas. He smiled and pulled her closer and then whispered onto her lips, "Gwedho 'ûr lîn enni? "
"Well you do not think I am letting you go this time do you Legolas Greenleaf?" And she kissed him greedily, making up for years without his kisses. Their embrace was only ended when Calina got the giggles at the thought of getting married. Together under the blanket they were not cold, but sat together and watched the stars for at time until Calina said, "Tell me about Ithilien, Legolas. What is it like?"
"You should have seen it when we first got here, Calina. The War had taken away most of the beautiful parts of this country, but now, it is wonderful. The forests are like small patches of Greenwood before the Shadow came."
"I never saw Greenwood the Great," Calina said in a small voice,
"Then I shall show you here."
"But the ship?"
"It can wait, Calina. I can stay one more day here for you." There was an uncomfortable silence as both of the realised the one point they had not spoken a word on. Legolas broke it saying softly, "Calina, I must sail West, I cannot heed the calling anymore. Its pull is too strong." She took his hand in hers and said,
"Legolas, I do not feel the calling of the Sea, but I feel the calling of you. I need to be near you, wherever that is." Legolas held her close, he knew the sacrifice she was making for him, giving up her chance to explore Middle-Earth some more, but he was happy, far too happy. They spoke for the rest of the night and watched the dawn together, the dawn of their new life together.
Lathrin was the first to congratulate them as she brought them both breakfast and then her shriek of joy at the news of their marriage caused Verlat to run out of the flet to join them. The four ate breakfast together, but Legolas and Calina ignored the other two unless they offered more food. Lathrin rolled her eyes and tutted as Legolas wiped a spot of stray jam from Calina's cheek and even Verlat gave a despairing look as Calina swiped the last piece of Legolas' toast and he did not even get annoyed, but gave a sheepish smile. Legolas went home to wash and change while Calina did the same and then he set her in front of him on his horse and took her around the nearby forest. Calina marvelled at the work of the elves and the size of the trees considering the relatively short time since the migration began.
They returned to Lathrin and Verlat's flet in the late afternoon to find everyone there and well aware of the good news. There were hugs and smiles all round as congratulations were given. Once this was all over and everyone had sat down Gimli stood up and said, "I am no expert in the ways of elves, but I know you both need silver rings to complete your betrothal to each other. You would do me an honour if you accepted these." Gimli emptied a small pouch into his hand and then pushed too exquisitely engraved silver rings towards Legolas and Calina across the table,
"Gimli, when did you make these? Surely not today?"
"No Legolas, my friend, I made them after I returned to Erebor the first time you met Calina. I knew you would both be needing them." Legolas could not believe the foresight his friend had, but Calina just stood up went to Gimli and hugged him,
"Thank you Gimli. They are beautiful, you are a good friend to Legolas, and I hope some day you shall be a dear one to me too." Legolas picked up the rings and threaded one onto Calina's finger and she did the same with the other. Their friends broke into applause and bottles of their best wine were opened to celebrate.
One day a month later Calina was helping Legolas build his Swan Ship. It was not as great as those built by the Teleri, but it would get them to Valinor and they would be together in bliss forever. That was all Calina cared about. Legolas stopped what he was doing and said,
"I had a letter from Father this morning. I wrote to him just after you arrived. He wishes us joy and sends his love, but reminds me of a promise I made him."
"What promise was that?" Calina looked up,
"I promised him that he would be there when I got married, even if it meant waiting until he too sailed West." Calina smiled,
"Legolas, I could not imagine our wedding without Adar there." Legolas laughed,
"I cannot believe he let you call him Adar, but I know that it means a great deal to him." Calina shrugged her shoulders and said,
"He calls me his daughter, why can I not call him Father?" Legolas laughed and they went back to work.
*
One summer day, with a strong breeze in its sail, Legolas' grey boat sailed down the Anduin to the Great Sea. With him went his childhood friends, Mineta, Nithin and Verlat and Verlat's wife Lathrin. He also took his great friend Gimli, a dwarf, and his betrothed, Calina Birch of Beechgrove, Eryn Lasgalen. He stood behind her at the prow of the boat, his arms wrapped around her waist, resting lightly on her stomach. He kissed her softly on the side of the neck and then whispered in her ear,
" Gwannon i felais Ennorath a chuil eden na benen-vain. Avo 'osto Adar, natham gelir. "
Calina smiled and held Legolas to her saying to the breeze, "Navaer Ennorath! Navaer! "
*
I Meth
The End
Legolas and Gimli were travelling from Ithilien to Gondor. Their great friend, the King, had died and they were to pay their respects. They travelled quietly, their usual conversations had been replaced by a contemplative silence as they remembered their times with Aragorn. Legolas remembered the first time he had met him, as a weather-beaten, dirty human with Mithrandir who arrived in Mirkwood with the creature Gollum. His father had been persuaded to guard the animal until Mithrandir could obtain the information he needed from him, and above all to keep him away from Dol Guldor and never let him escape. Legolas remembered how impressed he was by the skills of the ranger. He had learnt well from the elves of Rivendell during his childhood. They became good friends in the short time Aragorn dwelt in the Wood and Legolas was more comfortable knowing Aragorn was a member of the Fellowship.
Minas Tirith was in mourning. Flags flew at half-mast and the normally bustling city was almost still. It was eerie to say the least. They were taken to rooms high up in the city and as soon as they had both cleaned themselves they asked to be taken to Arwen. She sat alone in a darkened room, the curtains were drawn and she was dressed all in black in the fashion Men. Her sorrow covered up her beauty and the radiant glow that normally surrounded her was dimmed. If Legolas had not known her he would have just passed her by as another woman who's husband had died. He had seen many deaths since living in Ithilien, but still Legolas could not comprehend it. How could a body and soul just give up on life after such a short time? Arwen looked up at them and dabbed her eyes with a dirty piece of cloth and stood up,
"Thank you for coming so soon. It would mean so much to Aragorn," she burst into tears again and was comforted by a lady-in-waiting. Legolas and Gimli excused themselves and left her. Their hearts ached at his passing too, but it meant more to Arwen. She had lost the one person she loved more than any other. Their love was perhaps the greatest of the Third Age and now he was gone. She had tasted the bitterness of mortality and now she had nothing to live for. Her children were all grown and theirs too, so there would be no one to lavish attention on. She would literally just fade and die. But where? The thought nagged at Legolas. Gimli too, for they had discussed it briefly. Arwen was proud, she would not stay in Gondor to be pitied by her people and she would not got to Rivendell, even though her brothers had departed. There were still some there known to her and she would not subject them to the pain of her death. Legolas thought she would go and live among the last few Galadhrim. He knew that was where she and Aragorn had plighted their troth, upon Cerin Amroth, despite the warnings of her father, perhaps that would be where Arwen would want to spend what was left of her time on Arda.
There were six days before the funeral of Aragorn and his body lay in state in Fen Hollen and Legolas went there more than once. There was a great beauty and peace on Aragorn's face. He seemed almost happy to have died. How could that be? Were so few years such a toil for Men, even for a man such as Aragorn? The more Legolas tried to understand, the less he did. The funeral itself was a grand display. A celebration of the life of a great man, and also an occasion of great public mourning where women and men alike wept at the passing of the King. Arwen was there, again swathed in black. Her son Eldarion supported her on one arm and the husband of one of her daughters was at the other elbow. Her eyes were red and puffed and she appeared shrunken, having lost the grand statue of the Eldar and tears rolled continuously down her cheeks, but she made no sound not even to lift her voice in song.
That night, Legolas and Gimli's last in Minas Tirith, their conversation turned to the future. They were together in the chambers they shared sitting in the candlelight. Gimli smoked on his pipe and Legolas sipped a cup of wine,
"Gimli my friend," said Legolas as he re-filled his cup, "I feel like it is my time to leave now." Gimli breathed in deeply and sent a smoke ring across the room before speaking,
"Yes, Legolas, I know. We shall go together." Legolas shook his head,
"Gimli, you will never be allowed in the West, you are a dwarf! My friend, I would not see you set adrift in the Great Sea alone." Gimli smiled,
"She will speak for me, Legolas. They will listen. Galadriel, Lady of Light will argue for me. I would see her once more. She is the most beautiful thing in this entire world." Legolas laughed,
"I have never heard of a dwarf in love with an elf, but you have loved her all these years and I am amazed. So many would have given up hope." Gimli blushed slightly and then chose his words carefully, saying softly,
"Legolas you know what it is to be in love and without her near you." Legolas' eyes narrowed and clouded in anger. The colour rose in his cheeks and Gimli spoke again, "Legolas, I say this now because you need to hear it, even if you do not wish to. If there is anything in Middle Earth that you do not wish to leave behind then now is the time to claim it. Swallow whatever pride and bitterness that has been eating at you all these years and reach out for what you want." Gimli stopped as Legolas stood up and walked to the window. He looked out across the city. The light from countless fires flickered in the breeze and all out across the plains of Gondor Legolas could see the signs of people tucking in for the night. It had been a long time since anyone had dared even allude to Calina's presence on Arda out of fear of producing a reaction they did not want from him. She had always been in his thoughts though. The pain she had caused him was never-ending with her friend Lathrin there and he felt only regret when he saw the happiness of his best friends. Even Gimli was in love. He heard Gimli puff loudly on his pipe and knew his friend was impatient for an answer. Legolas turned and said,
"There is nothing, except what is Ithilien that I wish to take with me, Gimli." He paused for a moment and then said, "I think I shall retire for the night." And he went to rest.
Gimli was not stupid though. He knew Legolas better then Legolas knew himself. And Gimli knew Legolas' closest guarded secret - the whereabouts of the picture of Calina. The paper was now faded and the lines almost gone but Gimli knew it was currently resting in the bottom of Legolas' pack. He took it everywhere with him. Gimli did not want to think that he carried it as a memory of regret and a reminder to never let it happen again. He wanted to believe in their love, that it could flourish once more. He would never have the woman he loved, but Legolas could and he was too stubborn to see it. This would not do. Gimli took matters into his own hands.
Standing up, he put out his pipe and then left the rooms they shared. He traipsed through the corridors of the palace not really knowing where he was going, but finally bumped into Eldarion, literally,
"Highness, please, I must see you mother. It is urgent for I know she will leave here soon."
"Not soon Master Gimli, tonight. The place is up in arms. She insists on travelling to Lothlórien on her own and never wishes to see us again. I am going to rouse my sisters who are already gone to bed. She must not be allowed to do this."
"Eldarion, it is now even more crucial that I see her. I must go now!" Eldarion looked down at the dwarf and knew of his mother's soft spot for the comrades of his father. He smiled,
"She is in her chambers, through that door." Gimli nodded and they parted.
The guards were very reluctant to let Gimli through. There was much debate outside the door with them, and then the ladies-in-waiting got involved and a full scale argument was about to start when Gimli stepped between them all, pushed open the door slightly and called in,
"My lady Arwen, the lock-bearer of the lady Galadriel requests a short audience. Will you consent?" There was a little laugh from inside and a slight sniff and he was granted his request. Gimli sat long with Arwen and explained the feelings of his friend and then ended by saying, "My lady, I beg you to delay your journey by this one night. I have spoken to your son who spoke of your wished to leave immediately, but I beg you to let me have time to write to the King of Eryn Lasgalen, Legolas' father. He will help this situation I am sure for he too knows of Legolas' love for Calina. I know the messengers have already been sent to the Wood, but if you are travelling that way I was hoping you would place it in the hands of those who trade with the Halls in the forest." Arwen smiled down at Gimli, her grandmother's favourite,
"Gimli, son of Gloín, you have favour with my family. I shall deliver whatever letter you wish into the hands of Thranduil himself. I may have lost my love and with it my hope and joy, but I am not so selfish to deny it from others. My heart hopes for the love of Legolas and Calina. I saw their love together once," Arwen became wistful for a moment, as if gazing back into the past, "but then the next time I was there it was gone, and I could not understand that at all." She then appeared to come back to the moment and her smiled fell on Gimli's face. The glory that used to be there was gone but it was still beautiful and she said, "I will grant this favour to you, lock-bearer, in the name of Galadriel, my mother's mother." Gimli beamed and thanked her before making his excuses to leave. His hand was on the door handle when Arwen said, "When you arrive in the Blessed Realms, please, commend me to my grandmother. And to my father and tell him that I shall always love him." Gimli nodded,
"I shall carry your message as faithfully as I know you will carry mine." Arwen nodded and they parted.
Gimli spent all night pouring over scraps of paper, patently writing out a letter in the curved elvish script he had learnt and in Sindarin too. As the Sun rose and natural light began to enter the room once more Gimli finally put down his quill. Legolas would wake soon and the letter had to been given to Arwen without anyone else's knowledge. There was a soft knock at the door and then a servant of Arwen's entered. She curtseyed to Gimli and said,
"Begging your pardon sir, but lady Arwen is to leave now and she knows you have something you wish to give her. I am to take it to her." Gimli stood up,
"I will do it myself, I should like to say goodbye." The servant shook her head sadly,
"Her highness says goodbye to no one except her son and daughters." Gimli nodded sadly and entrusted the important letter into the young girl's outstretched hand and she left.
Those who saw the solitary white horse leave through the city gates would have though nothing of it, but on closer inspection the rider was a woman, and alone, and rode bareback. There was only one in the city that it could be. Arwen set off north to Eryn Lasgalen. She would travel quickly and put as much distance between her and her human life as possible. In Lothlórien she could still cling to one of the last parts of elvendom, but by the next spring she knew she would not see the trees of the Golden Wood bloom.
Arwen's journey was not long, and the weather was pleasant for spring, not cold at all and she rode alone towards Eryn Lasgalen. Those she saw on the rode ignored her, she appeared only as a shrunken widow in black with nothing of any great worth so not even robbers were interested. She finally drew near to the eaves of the Wood as the Sun fell below the tree level and long, dark shadows were thrown out across the plains. Arwen found the path to Thranduil's halls with no trouble, but she was surprised to note that there were no guards to challenge her entry. Perhaps the wood- elves had finally learnt to trust the outside world, she mused. No such luck. As she clattered into the courtyard two elves dressed in green leapt out and aimed two arrows at her throat before she could even think to speak,
"Who are you and why do you journey to the Halls of Thranduil, King of Eryn Lasgalen?" demanded one,
"I am an errand runner, I desire to hand my letter to the King," Arwen said not raising her head. The guards could tell she was no man from her voice, but they could not see her face because she had a hood pulled down over it. The elves did not lower their bows, Arwen could feel their suspicion rise and her horse under her shifted at the tension that was being created,
"Once more, lady," the guard said stressing that word, "who are you and what is your purpose here?"
"Once more I answer, I am an errand runner and I have a letter that must be delivered personally to the King."
"If the letter is so important show us your face and then we shall be the judge of it." Arwen knew she would get nowhere with these two guards. They could talk round in circles till nightfall for all she cared and she was just preparing to deliver a scathing come-back when she heard the sound of wood knocking on wood. Her mind jumped to a lakeside in Ithilien where Legolas and Gimli were building a great grey boat to sail across the Sea in. Legolas' friends were there too, lending a hand, it would not be long until the boat would be finished. Time was important. Arwen sat tall on the horse and pulled back her hood,
"I am Arwen Evenstar, Queen of Gondor. You will show me to King now," The guards dropped their bows in amazement and one immediately offered to help Arwen down from her horse. She refused his help and gave the reins to the other to stable the horse. She was led inside and to Thranduil's study. The guard spoke again,
"My lady I am sorry for any misunderstanding outside. I shall fetch the King now. He is at dinner, but he would not wish to keep you waiting. Is there any thing you need in the meantime?" Arwen shook her head and the guard left.
It was not long before Thranduil swept into the room. He was dressed in the colours of autumn and a circlet of gold was on his head. Arwen rose and they both bowed to each other. The King took her hands in his and expressed his grief at the passing of her husband and then said,
"This is an unexpected honour, Arwen, to what do we owe it? As I understood it you were to remain with your family?"
"That was my family's wish, Thranduil, not mine. I am going to Lothlórien to spend my last days with my mother's people, but I was asked to make sure this was delivered to you. I thought the most reliable way would be to do that myself." She produced the letter from the folds of her travelling cloak and handed it to him. Thranduil examined the seal and the hand and looked at her puzzled,
"I do not recognise the seal or the writing, it is almost illegible. Who writes to me such?"
"It is a letter from Gimli, Lord of the Glittering Cave, sire. I believe he writes to you of your son." Panic spread through Thranduil's face,
"He is not hurt, or ill is he? Please, do not let my son be dead!" Arwen smiled and placed a kind hand on his arm,
"No Lord, he is well of body. It is his mind and soul that are troubled. Surely you know that he is preparing to leave Middle-Earth?" Thranduil nodded, he had had a letter from Legolas about that soon after the messengers from Minas Tirith had announced the death of Aragorn to a full court in the Wood. Arwen continued, "I believe Gimli is anxious he does not leave something, or rather someone, precious behind." Thranduil nodded and a knowing look spread across his face,
"Arwen I wish it had not come to this. In your grief you are running errands for a dwarf who knows too much of my stubborn son's heart when you should be finding peace. I beg you, rest here for a while, tonight at least and perhaps I can try to make amends." But Arwen shook her head,
"That is kind, and I thank you, but I wish to be on my way. Would you have my horse brought to me?" Thranduil could never refuse a woman with beauty, power and knowledge, and so Arwen got what she wished with little argument and as the twilight drew ever closer she rode south again towards Lothlórien and Thranduil settled down in his study to read this important letter. It took him many long hours to decipher the formalities and terrible handwriting, but the message reached him. Calina and Legolas must be brought together for their own sakes even if it meant interfering beyond usual bounds. Thranduil rose from his desk at midnight and carefully placed the letter in a pocket. In the morning he had a visit to make and it would not be a pleasant one, but it had to be done. The lives of two elves depended on it.
For Calina, she awoke that morning like every other - cold. She groaned and huddled closer into her blanket shivering to try and get some warmth. It was undignified for an elf to be like that, but she had sold her flet and had taken to sleeping on the workshop floor. The workshop was draughty so she could not have the fire on all night in case the sparks flew and set fire to anything. Not that she had money for the wood either. Times had been hard for her. Most of the wood had left and there was no money to be made in travelling boxes - most elves could knock those up themselves, it was not hard to bolt a few squares of wood together. She threw off her blanket and dusted off a few stray bits of dirt from her robe and set about lighting the fire so she could at least be warm while, once again, she went over the books to try and squeeze a bit more money out of it. She knew she could not manage it. There were no more staff to let go, she got wood at the cheapest price in the forest (felling it herself) and she barely ate anything other than lembas to keep her strength up. Any normal elf would have given up by now, but Calina could not. She knew her heart was waiting for something, the saving of the workshop she hoped, and still she could not give up on the Birch name. Calina's hands shook as she rubbed the dry sticks together in an attempt to get a fire blazing. Finally there was a bit of smoke and gradually the flames rose and warmth spread through the room slowly. Wrapped in a blanket and munching on a wafer of lembas she sat cross-legged on the last workbench she had not chopped for firewood with her books on her lap. She was always praying that she would find something she had missed, perhaps an outstanding bill which would bring in enough money to make some goods to take to Dale and sell for a high profit, but to no avail. A tear ran silently down her face. Perhaps it really was time to give up? What would she do? Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a lone horse.
Calina stood up and dusted herself off. She pushed stray bits of hair behind her ears and splashed her face with some water to get rid of some of the dirt. She walked outside and started at the person there. Thranduil could hardly believe that the elf in front of him was the same one that he had seen laughing and joking with his son, joy shining from her face. Calina was now shrunken and pale and appeared more like the first time he had seen her, and not the later times. Thranduil felt only pity. Calina curtseyed and then panicked. She had nowhere to receive the King. Luckily Thranduil solved that for her by sweeping inside the workshop,
"Calina, I am not here to be polite and to ask after your health, for that is plain for everyone to see. You are not well." She opened her mouth to protest, but Thranduil carried on, "Now as you know, I am no great fan of dwarves, but one has written to me on a matter of interest that may also concern you. The letter, you see, comes from my son's friend Gimli. He writes at the news that he and Legolas are due to sail West, Elbereth knows why a dwarf is going, but I will leave that aside." Thranduil let these words drift from his mouth so he could watch Calina digest these words. He detected a slight widening of her pupils, but he could not quite tell how she took the news. Neither could Calina. Something inside her flipped, but whether it was her heart out of love, or her stomach out of nausea, she could not be sure. Thranduil saw she was not going to say anything so he continued, "It appears that my son is fading. Apparently no other elf sees fit to inform me, but this dwarf obviously sees it his place as my son's" Thranduil examined the parchment he held carefully, searching for the expression, "'battle-comrade and close, personal friend'." Thranduil's eyebrows arched and he looked back at Calina. Her arms were folded across her body and she was keeping her emotions very close, "Can you imagine the reason Calina?" Slowly she shook her head, denying what her heart shouted to her. Thranduil shook his head and gave a wry smile, "It appears my son is in love, and has been for years." Calina stared blankly at him and the king sighed, "I made a promise to my son not to get involved between him and you, but when a dwarf starts worrying, I start to get upset. This has gone too far. Look at you Calina. Just look." Thranduil's voice became hard and commanding and Calina blushed,
"Please, sire, please do not. Do not make me do this. I know this looks a mess, but it will improve I promise you. I started from nothing, and this is not nothing. I have got tools and some wood." Thranduil cut her off,
"It is not the workshop Calina, it is you. You are drawn and pale. I have only seen you looking worse once, but I do not wish to drag up the awful way that you arrived in Legolas' life. Remember the joy you felt with him? Or has your heart hardened and become too brittle? If you search your soul, what do you feel? Tell me Calina, what does your soul remember about Legolas?" A tear spilt out of her eye and trickled down her cheek, followed by another and another and she shook her head, not wanting to remember. Thranduil felt his throat dry up and contract and to Calina's surprise put his arms around her, "Shh child, I do not mean to be harsh, but I think it is the only way to get through to you. Just think back, please? Or do I need to order it?" Thranduil smiled as he felt Calina relax in his arms. She closed her eyes and thought back. A gentle circular movement on her back helped push back the wall she had built around that part of her memory. She was flooded with so much warmth that she almost stumbled on her feet. She had not felt that warm for a long time, even when she could get a good fire roaring. She smiled as she remembered the time she had spent at the palace and the main reason for that appeared as an image burned onto the back of her eyelids and remained there for days after. The gentle eyes and the warm smile of Legolas looked down at her the way he often had during their short time together. It was a look of love and joy and that he could not almost believe she felt the same way back. Felt? Or had felt? Calina gasped and her eyes opened with a start. She fought for her breath and released the hold she had on the collar of Thranduil's shirt. Calina took a couple of steps back and then let her wide eyes meet Thranduil's knowing ones. He gave her a half smile and a nod of encouragement, "Did you feel the heat Calina? All that desire and those wants? All those years of pent up passion?"
"Stop! Stop it!" Calina turned away and forced back the feeling in her stomach. In a small voice she said, "What is the point now anyway?" A firm hand was placed on her shoulder and Calina was twisted back round,
"There is always a point penneth . Do you wish to feel like this till the Great End?" Calina shook her head, but avoided the King's knowing eyes, "Go to him Calina. One of you must be brave and make this step and I fear that despite all his battles Legolas does not have the courage." Once more tears sprang to Calina's eyes, but she was not aware of them,
"I cannot. What if he does not want me? What if Gimli is wrong?" Thranduil smiled,
"Sit down here and let me read to you from this letter." Calina settled herself on the bench and Thranduil wrapped a blanket around her even though it was day and began to read. "'Your highness, I do not know if you are aware of what I speak, but Legolas is in possession of a framed drawing of Calina. He drew it when she was first at your Palace and still very ill. I am sure you would know it if you had seen it, her beauty is breathtaking.' You see Calina, I do know of this picture and I know it is of you, even though Legolas never told me." She looked at him blankly so he continued, "'The reason I mention it is that Legolas carries it everywhere he goes. As I write this from Minas Tirith I can tell you the first thing that he packs whenever he travels is the picture in its frame, that itself a gift from her. Highness, beg her to come to him if you must, for I can no longer stand to see him in such pain. The lady Mineta knows of this also, and we have discussed it before at length, but she did not feel it necessary to trouble you. I, however, disagree. I am not well versed in the ways of elves and love, but as a friend to Legolas I thought I owed him this much to try and help. If there is anything you can do please, highness, try. Gimli, son of Gloín, Lord of the Glittering Caves.'" Thranduil folded the letter up and looked at Calina, "Have a hope child, have a hope."
He looked at Calina for a long while as she struggled with herself. He did not want to push her too far, but he could not stand to see her in pain. Thranduil respected and loved Calina for all the trials she had been through and the way she had stuck to what she believed in. She was happy and kind when he had known her and most importantly of all she had made his son happy too. Thranduil had not seen Legolas so peaceful as the times he had seen Calina wrapped in Legolas' arms and the way they looked at each other reminded him of the way his wife had looked at him.
Calina closed her eyes as the words of Gimli's letter buzzed around her head. She found no sanctuary though because Legolas' face was there, smiling at her and his voice telling her that he loved her. Calina shook her head and opened her eyes, Thranduil was still staring at her, "I am scared, I cannot do this. Please, highness, tell me what to do." Thranduil shook his head,
"I am not here as a King, Calina. I am here for my son and for you, whom I love as well as a daughter. I cannot make this decision for you. You must do that on your own. There is something I would give you though, regardless of what choice you make." He took out a small, silver leaf from him pocket, "This is the symbol of our family, wrought in mithril. If you go to Ithilien, it may prove useful, but if you do not, keep it as a remembrance of the time you spent with my family." Calina opened her mouth to protest at such a gift, but Thranduil pressed it into her head and closed her fingers around it, "Please Calina? To please an old man?" She nodded and smiled and tried to say thank you, but her words were silenced by a wave of the King's hand, "I must leave you now. Make this choice today Calina. It must be done. If you travel south you cannot help but find the Anduin. Legolas builds his ship on a lake there. If you find the water of the river fast and the current strong you are too far upstream and if the water is smooth and slow then you are too far down stream. Do you understand?" She nodded and then embraced the King,
"Le hannon.. adar, " she whispered in his ear. Calina missed it, but the joy that spread across Thranduil's face was immeasurable. He knew she would go to Ithilien, even if it took her all of the rest of the day to decide. The seed of curiosity had been planted in her and Thranduil knew Calina enough to know she could not rest until she knew Legolas' feelings for her. He kissed her forehead and then left her in the workshop, standing there and thinking. Thranduil rode back to the palace knowing he had done the best he could for the two of them while they were still in Middle Earth.
Calina stood and thought for a moment and then began to pace around the workshop, she could not think straight. She needed to be somewhere where there were no memories of Legolas to haunt her, somewhere where she could escape from him. There was only one place she could think of.
Calina rode through the woods unable to get Thranduil's words from her mind. They haunted her until she almost believed them to be true. As she rode, Calina past the main trade tracks through Eryn Lasgalen and she saw the almost indistinguishable track that lead to Beechgrove. The horse picked its way slowly through the thorny bushes that had sprung up and covered the path. She had walked it many times as a young elf following after her father and brothers as they left to travel around Mirkwood selling their furniture. The end of the path was the furthest she was allowed to go before she was made to turn round and return to her mother. Once she had hidden in the cart and gone all the way to the edge of the forest before being discovered. That was the furthest she had been until she had become a few hundred years old and she was finally allowed to travel to Dale with her father and one of her brothers. She only made that trip twice before the War came and Mirkwood was attacked. Calina did not want to remember anymore. She had not been home since. She had not seen where her family had been laid to rest to go back into the earth from where the Firstborn came.
In front of her the thick forest parted. It had not been long enough since the fires for the forest to have re-grown completely, but the trees in Beechgrove grew tall and straight once again and reached up to the Sun and delved their roots deep into the ground. There had only been five families in their village and Calina could see the remains of each of their flets. The five wide and tall trees around which the village was built had been felled and their trunks rotted on the ground along while the scorched wood from the flets lay twisted and rotten underneath and on top of them. Calina got off the horse and left it to graze on safer ground and picked her way slowly through the wreckage. Her family's flet was the furthest way from the track and she past by the ruins of the homes of everyone she had known since birth until that fateful day.
There was nothing left of the family home except rubble. Her parents' work over thousands of years reduced to ash and dust and rotting wood. She turned over some of the bigger pieces of wood and caught sight of the last remains of objects she had been around all her life, fractions of objects once familiar, but now indeterminable. No longer the hard and strong things she played on as a girl, climbing over them as she was chased by one of her brothers, but reduced to a fraction of their former glory, breaking apart as she touched them.
Calina's eyes rested on a piece of carving under part of the flet wall. It was a small love knot that her father had carved for her mother before their marriage. Calina wondered how something that small could have lasted so long. As she picked it up she saw that the wood was still smooth and firm beneath her touch and still had the soft sheen that only polished wood retained. Calina ran her fingers over the carving, a symbol of her parents' love. As a young elf, Calina had always wanted to find someone she would love enough to shape such a piece for, and hoped that one day someone would make something just as precious for her. A bird was disturbed in a tree nearby and Calina looked up to see what the cause of this was. She could see nothing, but her eyes were drawn to five mounds nearby. Two placed side by side and then another three close together a little way off from the other two. Her parents and three brothers. Grass and wild flowers had grown over the mounds of earth, but there was no mistaking their true purpose - the last resting ground of her family. Calina looked at the object in her hand and at last realised why it had endured. The love of her parents, their spirits together in the Halls of Mandos, was still present somewhere in Middle-Earth and while that remained so would the carving.
Calina sat down on the grass and watched the graves, hoping that maybe there would be some intervention by the Valar and that perhaps her family would live again. Life was so much simpler for her then. She did not have to worry about the multitude of consequences that her actions had. And she had no one to love, none of the cares that that brought. But then she had none of the joys either. The knowledge that in the world there was someone who thought her more precious than any other made her heart leap. The way his touch calmed her and the way she knew that only in his arms would she ever find true peace. Calina had carved something out of love for him and in his way Legolas had made something for her as well. The drawing and the frame it sat in that Legolas had carried with him throughout his journeys was testament to their love. He had showed it to her once at the palace. He had said that of all his possessions, that was the most precious thing to him because she would always be there with him, at peace, no matter how far they were apart.
Then doubt filled her. What if that was not enough? Could she carve something large enough for Legolas? Could she satisfy him? Perhaps she could never satisfy him? He had been so far, seen so many things and they had been apart for so long, how could she compete with that as a simple she- elf from the forest? She drove this thought from her mind. Of course she was enough for him, why else would he say he loved her? She loved him more than life itself and she would do anything she could for him. Calina knew that to be true. Something had awoken inside her again and it was firing her and giving her a new strength and determination. Then another doubt entered her head. Legolas' heart no longer rested on Middle-Earth and longed to sail over the Sea. She was not ready to leave, but she could not stand anymore time apart from him. The call of Legolas was enough to make her wish to leave. She needed to be beside him, wherever that may be.
"Nana , I wish you were here to give me counsel. You and Ada always knew what to say," she said looking at the graves of her parents, "I wish you were here now to help me now." Calina's eyes rested on the graves of her three brothers, "And my brothers! You could always lighten my soul and bring me joy even in my darkest hours. How I miss our laughter." Her eyes turned away, "I will never find help here now," and her voice had a bitter note, "I will find answers here no longer. If only..." Calina stopped, she had played that game with herself far too often over the years. If only her family had not died, if only she had made it back to the forest on her own, if only the workshop still existed in Beechgrove and she worked all day with her family and friends, singing as they went about their business. If only her father had let her travel with him in the wood, perhaps she would have met a nice elf and would have married him and started her own family not far from her own. None of that mattered anymore. Each one of those thoughts had been replaced by two things, and two things alone. Either Legolas or her own workshop or both were better than any of the hypothetical scenarios she had dreamt up over the years about what her life could be. Calina sighed. She no longer had a workshop, the only thing left to hold to was Legolas. She needed him more than ever now. A soft breeze blew over her skin and Calina shivered and she remembered the gentle caresses of Legolas. Someone had to be sensible about things, she told herself, and if Legolas refused to do it, then she would.
"Maleneth! Maleneth!" She called to her wandering horse. It lifted its head and neighed to her before trotting carefully through the rubble to where Calina stood. She tucked the carving carefully inside the pocket of her robe where she normally kept a pencil and things for the workshop and leapt onto her horse. Maleneth seemed to know Calina's mind and without a word or even a conscious thought from Calina it ignored the path and headed straight through the trees making a beeline back to the village to pack. Her mind did not waver anymore. She had to do this, it was too important to her for any doubt to be in her mind. In a small pack she placed the few robes she had left, a few tools because she could bear to be without them for too long, some lembas and some water. That would be all she would need. She threaded the silver leaf onto a chain around her neck, threw a travelling cloak around her shoulders and dragged her tired horse from the grazing field. It was early afternoon, but Calina decided to set out then and there. She had no time to waste.
When arriving back at the palace, Thranduil had ordered a close watch be kept for anyone leaving the forest. They were not to be stopped, just a description noted and word sent to the king. Just before dinner, a message arrived that a she-elf riding a white mare had left Eryn Lasgalen and headed due south. Thranduil smiled to himself and said softly, "Navaer iellen, cuio mae!"
Calina rode hard for days. The horse grew tired, but still Calina urged her on and sooner than she expected she reached Gondor. By now the guards of that realm were used to seeing elves travelling south. People offered her food and rest, but Calina took neither, her only thought was getting to the Anduin. One cool spring day, a fortnight since she had set out, Calina rode over a ridge and saw the great river sparkling in the distance. They halted for a moment and she looked about her. Rising in the East were the great mountains of Mordor, no longer quite so terrible looking as the only clouds about them were white and the Sun shone off their peaks and to the south and the west were green fields and forests. No one would have believed that only a hundred and twenty years ago this land was ravaged by the scars of war. It looked as though there had always been peace in this region. Calina smiled and urged the horse on once more. It was only an hour until she reached the river and she found it fast flowing. Following the advice of Thranduil, she rode downstream, sticking as close to the river as the land would allow. She went round a great bend in the landscape and there in front of her was a small waterfall sending spray into the air and casting rainbows over the trees and there below it was a small lake with the makings of a boat floating on the still water. Calina froze and tried to stop the horse, but it knew her inner thoughts and took her onwards. At the last minute Calina cast her hood over her face and removed the leaf from the chain around her neck. She pressed it tight into her hand and rode towards the figure on the small dock.
She smiled to herself as she saw Legolas trying desperately to shape a piece of wood with little luck. He was concentrating so hard that he did not hear her approach. Finally, in a gesture of frustration, he cast the bit of wood into a nearby bush and let out a growl of anger. Calina could not help but say, "You know, it is much easier to carve with the grain, than against it." Legolas spun round, his eyes blazing,
"Who are you and where do you travel from?"
"I come from Eryn Lasgalen and I am here to see you." Calina said. She had pictured this meeting so many times in her head. This was the point Legolas would lift her off the horse into his arms and tell her how much he loved her and then kiss her. He did not show any sign of moving though. The colour in his cheeks heightened, clearly he was not in the best of moods,
"And what do you think gives you the right to assume an audience with the Prince of Eryn Lasgalen?" Silently thanking Thranduil, Calina tossed him the mithril leaf. Legolas caught it deftly and examined it in his hand, "Where did you get this from? This is only given to members of my family!"
"It was given to me by Thranduil before I left the forest. He said that he loved me as well as any daughter and gave it to me." Calina replied coolly.
"Show yourself and tell me your name!" Legolas commanded. Calina just laughed and said,
"You shall have to guess Legolas. You used to be fond of games, time cannot have changed you that much. Now give me back my leaf." Legolas clenched his fists and said,
"Not till you give me your name."
"Then I guess we shall be here some while." Calina remained on the horse; her hood pulled down over her face. She could just see Legolas under the edge and her heart skipped a few beats. All she wanted to do was get off the horse and go to him, but not with him in this mood. She had come all this way; the least he could do was play along. He took a step towards her and shouted,
"Tell me your name!"
Calina was now saved by fate. Before he reached the horse, a figure emerged from the wood by the lakeside and started towards them. She had heard the exchange and recognised Calina's voice immediately even if Legolas had not,
"Legolas I have a message from Verlat. He needs to speak with you now."
"In a minute Lathrin, I am dealing with our visitor," he said emphasising the last word and narrowing his eyes at Calina,
"No Legolas, now. It is important. I can take care of this."
"Very well," he said, "You shall not get this back until you tell me your name," were his parting words to Calina before he strode into the trees. Lathrin ran to the horse and pulled Calina down off it,
"I cannot believe it took you so long to get here. I was beginning to lose hope Calina, but I am so glad you are here for him. I presume that is why you are here." Calina pushed her hood back and nodded. Lathrin laughed and flung her arms around her friend, "What was happening between the two of you? Why did you not just get off the horse and tell him you love him Calina? What does he have of yours?" Calina laughed at the string of questions, but Lathrin had one more, "How did you know we would be here?" Calina smiled,
"Find me somewhere to stay and I shall tell you everything. There is also another favour to ask." Lathrin raised an eyebrow and Calina continued, "When do you next dine with Legolas?"
"Tonight, we are all dining together - Verlat and I, Mineta and Nithin, Legolas and Gimli. Why?"
"Will you invite me?"
"Of course, do not be silly, you do not need an invitation. Unless," she said, catching on, "this is part of the plan." Calina returned her sly grin and they hurried to Lathrin's flet before anyone would see them.
Lathrin and Calina hurried to the flet she shared with Verlat and Lathrin shut them both up in a small room they kept spare in case of visitors. Calina did not have many belongings with her so it was made easier by that. The two of them squeezed past each other as they tried to hang up Calina's robes and get the creases out of her best one that she wanted to wear that evening. Calina told Lathrin everything that had happened over the years, but when questioned about what finally made her leave the Wood, she would only say that she wanted to discuss that with Legolas first.
Evening came and Calina was still in the little room getting ready. She heard everyone arrive in the flet - the laughter of Mineta and Nithin, the gruffness of Gimli, and the gentle voice of Legolas. Lathrin was flitting about in the kitchen while her husband tried to wipe the grin off his face that had been stuck there since he found Calina in his flet. Calina hung the empty chain for the leaf around her neck and waited with her ear pressed to the door. She wanted to leave the room as soon as dinner was served. If there was going to be an awkward moment at least people could eat in silence and not feel quite so uncomfortable, she thought. The clatter of plates in the kitchen indicated Lathrin was ready to serve and Calina heard Verlat motion everyone to sit down. They soon realised there was an extra place laid at the table. Mineta asked,
"Who else are we expecting for dinner Verlat? Do you have a guest staying?" Verlat nodded and he said,
"Yes we do. They will be out in a minute." Calina finally heard the setting down of plates on the table and she twisted the door handle. She walked into the main room, and luckily Legolas' back was to her. Her eyes met first with Verlat's who gave her a nod of encouragement and then she was seen by Nithin, who smiled and said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Evening, my lady, I am pleased to see you again." Gimli rose and bowed and then Legolas finally turned his head. Calina could not read his face. It could have been anger, or joy, or simply horror that flashed across it before his managed to get control of his features and force his face back into the neutral one he had perfected standing by his father for all those years. He turned his head back and stared at the plate in front of him. Calina sat herself in the empty seat between Gimli and Nithin at the round table, unfortunately, directly opposite Legolas. Lathrin placed a plate in front of her and said,
"There you are Calina, I am sure you have not eaten properly for a while on your journey so I have given you extra to fatten you up!" Calina laughed and thanked her. Calina caught Mineta's eye who gave her a nod of approval and a smile before they all tucked in. It was not the most comfortable of dinners they had shared together, but it could have been far worse. Calina listened as they spoke of what they had achieved since being in Ithilien and laughed at their jokes. Legolas was silent though and barely raised his eyes from his plate. When he did though, and let his eyes meet Calina's fleetingly she felt a fire rage inside her. She tried to read his face, but found it too confusing. There was pain, and sorrow, but also anger and hatred. The fire inside her was quenched, perhaps she had made the wrong decision.
When the ordeal of dinner was over, the friends all sat down with an instrument to sing the old songs of Eryn Lasgalen and the new ones of Ithilien. Calina listened for a time and joined in when she could, but after a while she excused herself and went to stand on the little ledge that surrounded the flet. From there she looked out into the darkness. All around were the lights from the flets of elves or the homes of men and she could hear the river flowing and the last of the birds singing before going to roost. They sky had turned an inky blue, except very low down in the West, but Calina looked north, back towards her home. She stood there for some time, listening to the voices inside and trying to think of what to do if Legolas did not take her back. Could she go back home to the Wood? No one would have missed her she supposed, except Thranduil, and he would not say anything to her, just share her sadness. There was a noise behind her, "Calina?" It was Legolas. Calina turned to go back inside but he placed a hand on her shoulder and said, "Sedho !" Calina pulled away from his touch. It burned her skin and sent the most beautiful sensations through her body. She did not want to feel them just as it was all about to be taken away. Legolas saw her do this and frowned, if that was not why she was here, to be with him, then why had she come? He tried to get her eyes to look into his but Calina was scared and not willing to oblige him. Finally Legolas took her gently by the chin and lifted her head up to be in line with his. He noticed her eyes were glassy from tears she was about to lose control of so he asked her quickly, "Why are you here?" and then let her go once more. Calina brushed her eyes and smiled,
"Legolas, you pretend you do not know. Please, do not do that, you will make it even harder for me."
"What, Calina? What is so hard?"
"Oh Elbereth Legolas, does it need to be spelt out one letter at a time?" Calina took a deep breath and swallowed her panic, "I am here for you. I am here because I cannot last another instant without knowing whether you share the aching that is in my heart. The pain started when you left my flet, the last time I saw you and it has not stopped since. And now you are going away, and I cannot bear to be apart from you any more. A few hundred leagues was bad enough, but an ocean Legolas? No, I could not stand it. Please Legolas, mathach cha? I naeg?"
Legolas looked at her for a moment, his mind was perfectly calm and a serene feeling washed over him. The elf in front of him stared scared like a young horse ready to bolt, but all Legolas felt was this wonderful peace and warmth that spread through his body. Calina shifted uncomfortable, her eyes wanting to brim over again,
"Please Legolas, tell me." Then he smiled and Calina's heart soared, because she knew he felt as she did, but still she needed to hear his words, "Tell me Legolas?" He placed a hand on her chest, which then moved up her neck to cradle one side of her face. Calina leant into his touch and it seemed an age before, with tears in his eyes too, Legolas learnt forward and whispered in her ear,
"Mathon cha, melethen." I Calina closed her eyes as his warm breath tickled her cold ear. Her heart jumped again and she moved her arms round Legolas back and pressed his warm chest against her. Legolas stroked her hair and Calina rested her head in his neck and then breathed his smell in. He still smelt the same, regardless of which part of Arda he was in. She felt the same calming feeling she had always felt when she was this close to him, and safe beyond her wildest dream. She gently kissed his neck, and Legolas shivered at her touch, but Calina continued in a slow, but deliberate line up to his jawbone and then alone till her lips met his. Calina pulled back for a moment, and searched Legolas' face for any sign of disagreement. Legolas answered her by bridging the gap between their lips himself and he was rewarded with a gentle moan as Calina's lips parted and she teased his tongue with hers. Warmth spread through them, and the pain was dulled. They never felt it again. Neither of them wanted that moment to end, but Calina had one more thing to say to Legolas,
"Ernillen, you have something that belongs to me. You know my name now, and I would like my leaf back." Legolas smiled,
"Of course Calina. You are part of the family now and I am glad my father loves you almost as much as I do. He will be pleased I know, but how did he come to give you this?" He took the leaf out of his pocket and undid the chain at the back of her neck and threaded it back on. He looked at it around her neck and stroked the mithril and her skin that lay next to it, and then looked at her for a reply. Calina frowned for a moment, not knowing how to begin, but sat down on the wooden floor and pulled Legolas after her,
"It is such a long story, Legolas, I do not know where to begin."
"Then start where we left off, Calina. Tell me everything since I last saw you because I want to know it all." Legolas put one arm around her and pulled her close and then once she was settled against him he took her hand and stroked her thumb with his. He let her start in her own time, but once she had opened the door into her soul, she could not stop the outpouring. Calina spoke of all the years of trying, while watching the workshop diminish without anything she could do and trying to replace the loss of his love with bits of wood. Calina told him how Turel had turned down the apprenticeship, about her trip to Rivendell and how she felt when Lathrin left. She cried as she spoke of spending years trying to make ends meet and scrape by while trying to keep as many of her loyal workers and friends in jobs, but one by one they either sailed West or she had to let them go. Legolas held her tighter to him as she said that all the time she knew something was missing and told herself it was her family, but really it was him, because nothing meant anything without him there. Then Calina told her of her visit from Thranduil, and the letter. Legolas was angry, at first with his father and Gimli and then with Calina because he thought she had only come to him because she could not have the workshop and so yet again he was second best. Calina pleaded with him,
"No Legolas, it is not like that! You were never second best, the workshop was. Compared to my love for you it is nothing. No matter what I do to it, a tree is still a tree whether it is a chair or a table, or a box. With you it is different, things always change, you and I will always change. That is far more special, far more precious and far more important. Please, do not let us argue anymore." Legolas rested the top of his head on hers,
"It always felt like I was competing Calina, as if it was a choice between me and your family, and, not meaning offence Calina, they are dead. I am alive and you chose them or those bits of wood." Calina sat up and looked him in the eye,
"I never realised you felt like that. Legolas it was never a competition, I just felt like I owed them. They died and I did not and I could not forgive myself for that. I suppose I tried to live their lives for them, and forgot about my own. My life is you, Legolas. You have made me whole again." She buried her face in his hair and cried, half in desperation and half out of grief for her family. Legolas stroked her back in circles and whispered soft words into her ear,
"I understand Calina, I do now. Why could we not have had this conversation decades ago?" Calina just smiled through the tears,
"Stay here Legolas, I shall be back in one moment." She went inside, everyone had gone, but she had not noticed and she could hear Lathrin and Verlat speaking to each other in their bedroom. She went into her little room and pulled the blanket off the bed and took a small package from the table and then returned outside. She tossed Legolas the blanket and then snuggled down under it with him before placing her hands and the package on top of it, "I went back to Beechgrove before I left. The first time since it was attacked, " Legolas took hold of her wrists and massaged the soft skin on the insides, "I found this among the rubble of our old home. I really cannot say how old it is, or why it has lasted so long in such good condition, but I want you to have it Legolas." She unwrapped the love knot that her father had made her mother, "My father made this for my mother before their marriage. It is a love knot," she said unnecessarily. There was a little pause and Legolas struggled to find the right words, "Feel how smooth it is Legolas." She took his hand and ran it along the smooth wood gently. Beneath his fingers it felt like this piece had been lovingly cared for decades, not millennia and especially not after a fire and the years rotting on the forest floor.
"Calina, I do not know what to say, this is too precious, you should not give it to me." She shook her head,
"No Legolas, I want you to have it."
"Very well, I know what we can do with it. When we get a home of our own it can sit next to the frame you made me." Legolas smiled at her,
"Are you asking me to marry you Legolas?"
"Yes Calina, if you will have me?" Calina laughed and pulled a mock- thoughtful look, as if she was weighing up the pros and cons of Legolas. He smiled and pulled her closer and then whispered onto her lips, "Gwedho 'ûr lîn enni? "
"Well you do not think I am letting you go this time do you Legolas Greenleaf?" And she kissed him greedily, making up for years without his kisses. Their embrace was only ended when Calina got the giggles at the thought of getting married. Together under the blanket they were not cold, but sat together and watched the stars for at time until Calina said, "Tell me about Ithilien, Legolas. What is it like?"
"You should have seen it when we first got here, Calina. The War had taken away most of the beautiful parts of this country, but now, it is wonderful. The forests are like small patches of Greenwood before the Shadow came."
"I never saw Greenwood the Great," Calina said in a small voice,
"Then I shall show you here."
"But the ship?"
"It can wait, Calina. I can stay one more day here for you." There was an uncomfortable silence as both of the realised the one point they had not spoken a word on. Legolas broke it saying softly, "Calina, I must sail West, I cannot heed the calling anymore. Its pull is too strong." She took his hand in hers and said,
"Legolas, I do not feel the calling of the Sea, but I feel the calling of you. I need to be near you, wherever that is." Legolas held her close, he knew the sacrifice she was making for him, giving up her chance to explore Middle-Earth some more, but he was happy, far too happy. They spoke for the rest of the night and watched the dawn together, the dawn of their new life together.
Lathrin was the first to congratulate them as she brought them both breakfast and then her shriek of joy at the news of their marriage caused Verlat to run out of the flet to join them. The four ate breakfast together, but Legolas and Calina ignored the other two unless they offered more food. Lathrin rolled her eyes and tutted as Legolas wiped a spot of stray jam from Calina's cheek and even Verlat gave a despairing look as Calina swiped the last piece of Legolas' toast and he did not even get annoyed, but gave a sheepish smile. Legolas went home to wash and change while Calina did the same and then he set her in front of him on his horse and took her around the nearby forest. Calina marvelled at the work of the elves and the size of the trees considering the relatively short time since the migration began.
They returned to Lathrin and Verlat's flet in the late afternoon to find everyone there and well aware of the good news. There were hugs and smiles all round as congratulations were given. Once this was all over and everyone had sat down Gimli stood up and said, "I am no expert in the ways of elves, but I know you both need silver rings to complete your betrothal to each other. You would do me an honour if you accepted these." Gimli emptied a small pouch into his hand and then pushed too exquisitely engraved silver rings towards Legolas and Calina across the table,
"Gimli, when did you make these? Surely not today?"
"No Legolas, my friend, I made them after I returned to Erebor the first time you met Calina. I knew you would both be needing them." Legolas could not believe the foresight his friend had, but Calina just stood up went to Gimli and hugged him,
"Thank you Gimli. They are beautiful, you are a good friend to Legolas, and I hope some day you shall be a dear one to me too." Legolas picked up the rings and threaded one onto Calina's finger and she did the same with the other. Their friends broke into applause and bottles of their best wine were opened to celebrate.
One day a month later Calina was helping Legolas build his Swan Ship. It was not as great as those built by the Teleri, but it would get them to Valinor and they would be together in bliss forever. That was all Calina cared about. Legolas stopped what he was doing and said,
"I had a letter from Father this morning. I wrote to him just after you arrived. He wishes us joy and sends his love, but reminds me of a promise I made him."
"What promise was that?" Calina looked up,
"I promised him that he would be there when I got married, even if it meant waiting until he too sailed West." Calina smiled,
"Legolas, I could not imagine our wedding without Adar there." Legolas laughed,
"I cannot believe he let you call him Adar, but I know that it means a great deal to him." Calina shrugged her shoulders and said,
"He calls me his daughter, why can I not call him Father?" Legolas laughed and they went back to work.
*
One summer day, with a strong breeze in its sail, Legolas' grey boat sailed down the Anduin to the Great Sea. With him went his childhood friends, Mineta, Nithin and Verlat and Verlat's wife Lathrin. He also took his great friend Gimli, a dwarf, and his betrothed, Calina Birch of Beechgrove, Eryn Lasgalen. He stood behind her at the prow of the boat, his arms wrapped around her waist, resting lightly on her stomach. He kissed her softly on the side of the neck and then whispered in her ear,
" Gwannon i felais Ennorath a chuil eden na benen-vain. Avo 'osto Adar, natham gelir. "
Calina smiled and held Legolas to her saying to the breeze, "Navaer Ennorath! Navaer! "
*
I Meth
The End
