Pressure Builds 3/3 - The other parts were rated R for language. R for more than language in this part.
Notes and Disclaimers in Part 1.
A/N: I can't tell you the value of a good beta. Thank you, Rhonda.
To all those who sent me such wonderful feedback – consider this as much yours as mine.
*
The bar was beginning to empty, CJ was on her third glass of water; Toby still holding his first scotch.
Toby pushed his drink to one side. Unfinished. He took her hand in his and pulled her to standing. "You're coming home with me tonight."
"There is really no need for you to babysit me, Toby. I'm not going to do anything stupid." But she didn't let go of his hand; if anything her grasp tightened.
"I don't for one moment think that you are." Toby blinked hard to clear his vision. "But I haven't slept in days and the only way I'm going to sleep tonight is if you're in my bed." He swallowed, "I'll take the couch."
*
CJ watched the briefing on CNN. She was tempted to hurl something at the screen but a cursory glance around the room revealed nothing that would make sufficient noise or mess. She wasn't mad enough to break things. Nearly but not quite, and the thought made her smile.
Toby glanced up from his paper in time to catch the quirk of her lips. He dived back behind cover before she noticed, but his spirits rose just a little at the break in her mood.
"I'm going to go find some squishy tomatoes for his next appearance." CJ unfurled her legs and loped into the kitchen in search of ammunition.
Underneath the newsprint, Toby let out the breath he'd been holding. Just as he started to relax for the first time in days, there was a knock at the door. Glancing quickly through to the kitchen to make sure that CJ was occupied, Toby opened the door a crack to see Leo's exhausted face the other side.
"Can I come in, Toby?"
"You want to come in?" Toby kept his hand against the door to stop it opening any further.
"That's what I said." Leo's voice had a hollow edge to it. A lonely edge that not even Toby could fail to pick up on. " I could use a friend at the moment."
The door swung open, all hesitation in Toby's mind erased at the thought of this man in trouble; this man, like Atlas; this man with more strength of mind than any Toby had encountered before; this man – asking for help.
Leo walked across the room and sank into Toby's leather chair, pressing his shoulders back into the cushion and leaning his head back, eyes closed. He started to speak, voice graveled and chocolate with tiredness. "I don't expect you to take sides, Toby. I don't expect you to come up with solutions. But the friend I lean on, the man I draw on when I have sunk as low as I can – that man has worries I can't even imagine. The last thing he needs is me crying on his shoulder." Leo opened his eyes and focused on Toby still standing by the door. "Sometimes . . just sometimes, I need to off load."
A moment, and then Toby looked down at the floor and quickly back up at Leo. "CJ's here," he said softly.
Leo stilled in his chair and his shoulders lifted in despair. He raised his eyebrows.
"In the kitchen. She went to find things to throw at the television for when Phillips next briefs."
Despite himself, Leo's lips twisted in a brief smile. "She's getting back to her old self then?"
"Oh, I wouldn't say that, Leo." CJ's voice rasped out from the kitchen doorway. "Although once I've hurled a few of these, who knows? Do you think I should wait for Mike Phillips, or do you think you're as good a target?"
"CJ . ." Toby kept his voice low, but the plea was implicit. She looked quickly up at him and a flash of understanding and empathy glittered in her eyes.
"I think I'll make some tea. Would you like some, Leo?" She crossed to the man sitting hunched in the chair and briefly touched his shoulder.
"Thank you." Leo just as briefly touched her hand before watching her swing her way into the kitchen. He sighed and said quietly, "I miss her just as much as you all do."
Toby waited in silence.
"Josh will be here soon," Leo continued. "I asked him to give me five minutes just to make sure you didn't kick me out on my ear. He has no idea that CJ is with you . . ."
Once again a knock sounded at the door.
Toby pulled Josh into the apartment and bundled him towards the kitchen. " Go and show her that you still love her – that you don't think this is her fault. Mend the broken bit that is yours, Josh."
Toby closed the kitchen door, leaving himself and Leo space - space for Leo to talk, and space for Toby to listen.
*
"Hey, CJ" Josh gasped at the sight of the woman in front of him. Where there once had been a river in full flow, there now was a trickling stream. It appeared to him that she had lost weight and height. Impossible. Not his CJ. Never. It broke his heart. "Come here . ."
CJ ran into his arms and let him hug her tightly. "Oh God, Josh. I'm so sorry. ."
"Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry about, you did nothing wrong. You are too good for Walken – that's why he did what he did. God, CJ, the man has been in politics a long time, he knows how to disarm this administration without causing it to collapse completely. Without you there, without your wit and humanity on the screen and in the papers for everyone to see and read, without you there is no reminder of Bartlet with his wit and his humanity. Have you never seen the parallels yourself? No wonder Jed Bartlet sees you as a daughter . ." Josh smiled at the horror on CJ's face. "You don't have all the nerdy stuff, CJ – you're not Mrs. Fluffy, don't panic."
"Josh . ."
"I'm serious, CJ. You are the biggest threat to Walken and his attempt to stamp his control on the Presidency. You are too visible and far too good at your job." Josh took her hand and leaned against the breakfast bar, "By forcing Leo to compromise over you, he weakened all of us. Walken needs us to be able to operate, but, CJ – he wants the glory of clearing up this mess and he wants the thrill of retribution. If you hadn't been so good at what you do, you'd still be in that Press Room."
Josh took in the worry and the fear written in the lines round her eyes. "Is Toby taking good care of you? 'Cause if he's not . . ."
CJ smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "He is, Josh. There's no one better at it." She whispered into his tousled hair. "And thank you, Josh. Thank you so much."
*
Josh carried the tea through to the living room, the three men drinking in silence.
After a few minutes Toby joined CJ in the kitchen. "You okay?" He touched her hip lightly.
"Yes."
"Come and say goodbye?"
"Give me one minute." CJ leaned into his touch and then watched Toby walk back to join Leo and Josh, who were standing by the door, waiting. She picked up something from the table.
"Leo!" CJ raised her arm.
He turned in time to catch the tomato, gripping it just hard enough for the soft fruit to burst its skin and let the sweet juice and pips drip down his wrist and onto his shirt cuff. They held each other's gaze for a moment.
"Guess that makes us both feel a bit better, then?" Her eyes dropped first and she turned away from him and towards Toby, always towards Toby.
"It's a start, CJ." Leo said softly, and he wiped at the stain with his handkerchief before opening the door and leaving, closely followed by a grinning Josh.
*
Toby smiled warmly at CJ, catching her wrist and shaking it, loosening her grip on the sack of tomatoes. He took it from her and placed it gently on the table.
CJ couldn't take her eyes off him, weariness sweeping through her marrow and making her sway.
He leaned forward to circle his arm around her waist and pull her to him. The movement was fluid, natural; its rightness kept surprising her.
"Let me put you to bed, CJ. You're exhausted," Toby whispered into her hair and he sensed more than heard her agreement.
Arms wrapped around her, he somehow managed to maneuver them to the bedroom and the bed with its clean linen.
As she sat, CJ inhaled and was absurdly comforted by the smell of Toby's laundry soap; his scotch and cigars had always done it for her before and now she could add his laundry to the list.
She lay down, kicking off her shoes and undoing her jeans, before wriggling out of them.
Toby stood mesmerized, unable to move, even though he knew he should. He reassured himself with the thought that were she uncomfortable with his presence, she would have said so by now. As she lifted her shirt over her head, he cleared his throat in embarrassment and who knows what else, and at last made his move to leave.
"Don't go. Please." Her voice was vulnerable, anxious once again, and it rooted him to the spot. She was half sitting, half lying on his bed, dressed only in her underwear, and she needed him.
He sat on the edge of the bed, careful to keep the direction of his eyes innocent, even if his thoughts and body were not.
CJ struggled for something to say. She had to keep him with her, had to explain how near she was to the edge, to being washed out of reach. Make him understand that if he were to push her away again, she would break into a million pieces and turn into sand.
"I nearly rang Sam." She waited for this to register.
"Why didn't you?"
It seemed that Toby was unsurprised. He was aware of all her escape routes and this was no surprise to her either. Just how did they come to know each other so well?
"Fear, mainly. Fear and shame." CJ rested her hand on his knee, her fingers anxious, tapping. "And Abbey."
Toby turned his head at this. "You saw Abbey? When? How?"
"She paid me a visit."
"CJ . . ."
"Hush, Toby. She was wonderful. How she found time for me, I don't know."
"She thinks of you as family."
"So she said." CJ turned into him, resting her cheek against his thigh, "She said that Sam wasn't you . ." Wiped her hand across her eyes, burning with the shame of running again. * Almost * running. "Josh said that I reminded Walken of Jed Bartlet."
She gulped for air. "I'm not sure who I am anymore."
Those words fell into the pit of Toby's stomach. He ran his fingers through her hair and over her face, tracing with utter delicacy the contours of her features, his face a mask of concentration, his eyes pools of unfathomable depths. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips and caught the skin of his thumb. Without another thought, she raised herself on both elbows and brought her face closer to his.
His hands warmly cupped her cheeks and he lowered his mouth to hers.
"CJ?" The question had to be asked as their breaths mingled. He'd never know otherwise; never know if it was what she wanted, or just a product of his own desire.
"Yes." One word was enough to dispel all doubts and bring their lips together. At last a consensual kiss; reciprocated by both. She believed he wanted her now. Believed that he had no other agenda to work. And she knew she wanted him. Desperately.
Their lovemaking was slow and unhurried. His clothes were shed without effort, her hands stroking, caressed each uncovered inch of him, her tongue teasing and sucking and driving him wild. She waited until he was completely naked before easing him onto his back and lowering herself onto him. For the first time in over a week, she felt whole, anchored, secure. At last she moved, and as the pressure built with each stroke, she craved release, taking his hand and showing him where to touch her, leaning so her breast was in reach of his mouth.
She shattered.
And he held her safe.
*
The morning light found them still wrapped up in each other. Toby woke first and was astonished to find that they had barely moved; he felt her surrounding him and his body responded, rising into her. As he tried to withdraw, embarrassed by his desire and anxious not to hurt her, CJ pulled him closer and she pressed her hips onto his, turning them again so that this time he could look down on her, control the speed of his thrusts. This time was short and sweet.
"You said that you don't know who you are anymore." Toby lay on his side watching CJ run her fingers over his chest. "Do you really feel like that?"
"Yes." CJ rolled on to her back and stared at the ceiling. "Look at us, Toby. Just a few days ago I kissed you and you pushed me away. We haven't talked about it - in the same way we haven't talked about you feeding me and looking after me and why I'm not sitting at home in Dayton looking for a job. We always used to talk." She swallowed hard and continued, " I'm not sure I can look my friends in the eye anymore. I know how Josh feels, but what about the others? I can't take their pity, Toby and I can't take not knowing how to be around you – I can't keep my need for you secret anymore." She blushed at the revelation, but could dissemble no more. "I don't recognize myself. I don't know who I am or what I am. The water is closing in over my head."
Toby stroked her cheek with his index finger, eventually taking hold of her chin and forcing her to look at him. "I'll teach you who you are. We'll spread out your diamond parts on my bed and I will hold each up to the light and tell you the story of its beauty; show you in what way it is unique."
The water receded with each word he gave her.
"And before I slot each piece in its place, I will polish it and whisper my love. My love will be your glue – it will set solid and permanent. You will shine brighter than before. You just have to find your faith, and then we will be home and dry."
"You love me, Toby?"
"I love you, CJ."
They lay content in the silence for a minute, both accepting the shift in the nature of their relationship, secure in its foundation of friendship and affection. CJ didn't think she wanted ever to move out of that bed with its Toby scent and its Toby warmth; Toby knew that she had to.
"Come into the office this morning." This murmured into her hair, hands soothing skin, smoothing the fear that rippled through her.
"Toby, I can't . . . what will I do? What will I say?" CJ's voice trembled as she burrowed her head into his chest, curling her arms in between them.
Toby kissed the top of her head, one hand warm against the nape of her neck, the other, thumb stroking, caressing her cheek. "Just for an hour, just to see your friends. They miss you, CJ; they're worried about you. I promise to get you out of there the minute you've had enough." He smiled, "We'll even take the tomatoes and see if you can throw them from the back of the Press Room. Just imagine the headlines . . ."
CJ lifted her head and stared at him. Finally she allowed him a smile. "And if I need you . . ."
"I'll be right there in my usual curmudgeonly fashion. Right behind you as I always have been. And if you feel like running, just remember what this feels like," and he rolled her onto her back and casually slid a finger against her sex, feeling her jump and then press against his hand. " 'Cause I know that's one way I'm going to get through my day." Toby grinned down at her and dropped a kiss on her mouth. "Race you to the shower . . ."
"Toby . ."
He stopped, one leg already out of bed, floored by the strain in her voice.
"Soon, Toby, soon, we need to talk about Andi and the babies. They're not going to go away – you . . .I . . . wouldn't want that."
Toby looked down at her, his face serious. "We will talk about it, CJ. I just need to get my head round it first." He saw fear and insecurity flicker in her eyes and took her hand, squeezing gently. "I can't deny that it isn't going to be messy – all of it, Molly, Huck, Andi; Leo, your job. But I can promise that I will talk to you about it; about my concerns, about my nightmares and about my hopes and dreams. I'm not letting you go again, CJ." He smiled gently, "Except now – 'cause I'm not letting you steal all the hot water . . ."
CJ grinned into the pillow as she watched him run naked to the bathroom.
"You're a low-life, Ziegler. Don't think you're going to pull that trick again in a hurry."
She felt the shore beneath her feet and took her first tentative step towards dry land.
*
Donna flew across the Bull Pen and threw her arms around CJ's waist, holding her in a tight embrace. "CJ, thank God, . . . oh I can't tell you how much we miss you."
CJ laughed and bent to kiss Donna's cheek, squeezing her shoulder gently in appreciation of the affectionate outburst.
Donna couldn't stop, "Carol is going mad over at the NSC, she's desperate to come back. Well, actually, she said to tell you that you are to call her whenever you need someone, wherever you go." Donna released CJ but stayed close. Her voice dropped slightly, "It's not the same here; Will is like a frightened rabbit – Walken intimidates him, knocks his self-esteem, plays on him being the new boy. Josh is working every hour God sends, taking up the slack because Leo is having to devote all his time to handholding the President. He's also patching things up with the Press, trying to contain the damage that that shit Phillips is doing – I swear the only thing that keeps them all in line in there is the hope that you'll be back soon." She paused. "You will be back won't you, CJ?"
CJ stared at her through glassy eyes, unable to speak.
Donna glanced at her watch. "You'd better get out of here for a while, Phillips is due to brief and he likes to make his presence felt before he descends on the Press Room. Why don't you wait in Toby's office – you can watch him in action, watch and spit."
CJ let Donna lead her out of the Bull Pen and sit her on Toby's couch. She was moved by the small smiles and touches thrown her way by harassed looking staff; Ginger managed a quick hug and Will. Well, CJ thought he looked like he might cry. She was amazed by the anger she could feel swirling in her gut. She no longer wondered if these people had conspired against her, been relieved to see her go. She knew that she loved them, was proud of them, and like a cat with its kittens, would claw at anybody or anything that threatened to hurt them.
From her vantage point on Toby's couch, CJ could feel the change in atmosphere as Mike Phillips scuttled through the Bull Pen, an acolyte on either side acting as a bodyguard or escort. She felt the energy being sucked out of these dynamic people, noticed the dropped heads, the averted eyes. Someone had to stand up to him, surely.
Toby stopped by Donna's desk. "Mike." The name was said softly, but charged with meaning.
Phillips paused momentarily. "Toby." His voice flat and disinterested.
"I see you are on your way to brief and I notice that you haven't bothered to read my notes on the Education Bill. How can you brief when you don't know the line being taken by this administration?"
Silence and stillness. Ears pinned back to catch the barbs in what had become a daily ritual in the Bull Pen.
"I think I am in a stronger position than you to know the views of this President, Toby. Just how many meetings have you taken in the Oval Office recently?" Phillips curled his lips in a facsimile of a smile. "Although I suppose you haven't really had time for work – you've been too busy keeping your girlfriend out of trouble. I really wonder what the mother of your children thinks about that. Remind me to ask her."
"That's not fair!" Donna was on her feet.
"Donna," Toby's soft voice in her ear and his hand on her arm persuaded her to sit. "Don't honor him with a response, he's not worth it."
Phillips turned to face the staff. "I think it is time for all of you to consider your loyalties here. Glenn Walken is President now. If you can't hack it, I suggest you review your options. There are many more able and committed people out there who would kill to do your jobs. No one is indispensable."
Then he was gone, continuing his journey to the Press Room.
Toby stood his ground. "At the risk of repeating myself, I urge you all to remember why you work here and who brought you here. We * need * to stay, we * need * to find Zoey Bartlet, and we * need * to have our President back. We can't help if we are not in the West Wing. Bite your tongues and do your work. I can't afford to lose any more of my friends." He nodded once and stepped into his office. Closing the door behind him.
CJ stood. "You are an amazing man, do you know that?"
Toby smiled sadly. "Have you been thinking about what I did to you this morning?"
"No, Toby, just you, just now . ."
He waved her away in embarrassment but she caught his hand and held it against her heart.
Toby lifted her hand and kissed the knuckles quickly. "Let's watch the man do his worst." And he switched on the television, pulling her to lean next to him, his arm around her waist, fingers lightly stroking.
The screen flickered into life and the ugly man with the ugly voice filled it. Phillips appeared to be shouting – the lights showed a slight sheen on his upper lip.
"When will you people understand that I will tell you when and what I want to tell you. There is no point in repeating your questions over and over again, you are just wasting your time and mine."
CJ turned to Toby. "He's like my Math teacher at High School – and he's having about as much success as Mr. Smith at controlling the class."
Toby was about to answer when the phone rang beside him.
"Yes. Fine. I'm onto it. And Leo, pass on my good wishes, will you." Toby replaced the receiver and started to write on his pad.
"What is it, Toby? What's going on?" CJ craned her head to see what he was writing.
"You're coming with me, that's what's going on. Come on." He took her hand and pulled her from office and down the corridor. Various heads popped up as they half ran, half walked towards the Press Room, Toby keeping his paper out of CJ's reach until they arrived outside the closed door.
Toby reached for CJ and kissed her soundly on the lips. Then he tidied her hair and wiped the slight smudge of lipstick away with his thumb. "You are going in there and you are going to read this."
"Toby, I . ."
"Now, CJ, now. You're back on dry land, back where you belong. Get in there and do your thing. NOW!" He opened the door and pushed her in, following closely behind her.
Lights flashed and then a chorus of voices, "CJ! CJ! CJ!"
Phillips turned towards the door, "What the hell . . ." His sentence was drowned out but the cacophony.
CJ strode up to the podium and lifted her hand for quiet. It worked. "If you would excuse me, Mike?"
Phillips had no choice but to grudgingly step to one side.
She gripped the edge of the lectern and smiled at the sea of faces.
"It's good to see you too. Now, I have a short statement to make and then I will leave. There will be another briefing in half an hour and I will try and answer all your questions then. Please be patient." CJ adjusted the glasses on the bridge of her nose and began to read,
"It is with the greatest pleasure and relief that I can tell you that Zoey Bartlet has been found safe and unharmed . . ."
*
Walken stood implacably behind the desk in the Oval Office, watching Mike Phillips pace back and forth, outrage and hostility vying for control of his voice.
"I think you have done enough, Mike." Walken's words rumbled to the end of the room, halting the smaller man's diatribe. "You have denied me my moment of glory. By letting that woman stand and speak in front of the cameras, the victory is Bartlet's; a double victory, political and personal." He paused and considered his massive hands. " Don't think I won't remember. Now get out."
"Mr. President, let me explain . ."
Neither man noticed the side door open.
Walken lifted his hand and pointed. "I have heard enough. You are over. It's over. . ."
"I couldn't agree more, Glenn." Jed Bartlet stood near the carpeted Presidential seal. He was an older man than the one who'd signed the paper giving Walken control. He was a thinner man than the father who'd attended his daughter's college graduation. In short, facing the possibility of his daughter's death had forged a change in him that his own battles with mortality had never done.
Even though Jed Bartlet seemed to be surrounded by a warm bubble of relief that had buoyed his spirits, on his shoulders he still carried the despair of the days before, and in his eyes was reflected a knowledge of pain that only parents with missing children could recognize. It was a different man who stepped into the Oval Office. A tougher man, yet an even more caring man. He was a President whose ethical and moral limits had been tested to the extreme. He had not only survived it all, but by his actions he had ensured that the Office of the President had survived as well.
"For the first time in several weeks, you've said the words as I would have spoken them." Jed stretched out a hand, forcing Walken to shake it. "It * is * over."
Jed took back his hand and turned his back on the Acting President.
"Leo. Set things in motion, would you. I'd like my job back." He raised his eyebrows. "What's next?"
*
CJ settled into her office chair. "Carol?"
A smiling face answered her call. "Yes, boss?"
"You misspelled Walken's name in every one of these briefing announcements."
Carol grinned unrepentantly. "Want me to fix them?"
CJ raised her eyebrows. "Of course." She gave her assistant a wry smile. "But you don't have to do it in a hurry."
"Right. I'll put it on my 'to-do when hell freezes over' list." Carol pulled a notepad from her pocket. "Anything else?"
"Yeah. Get Toby for me will you? We have a house to move into today, and some chili to eat tonight." She stopped suddenly, "You know, I don't think I've ever been happier to say that!"
CJ grinned and looked around her office.
She was home.
The End
