Reasons to be Queen 8/?
By Nix Winter
Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing.. I am working on a new original story that I own, but this isn't it. This chapter is available as an audio file. Write me and ask for it, if you'd like to listen. www.onepinkrose.com
Warnings: Um.. none that I haven't already gone by in the course of this story so far.
It wasn't nothing different for her, not really. Rocking and comforting were things she was good at doing. The boy Gripe'd brought home lay in her lap, head on her shoulder, legs trailing over the side of her lap to leave his feet on the floor. He wasn't really a boy, but she held him that way anyway, strong granny arms around him, plumb fingers keeping sweaty hair outta his face. They sat there on her rocker through the night, his braid brushing across the clean swept wood floor and her old Hawaiian songs making their own kinda perfume around them.
She didn't tell him that he'd be okay, that when he was willing to open his eyes, they'd see colors again. She didn't tell that the burns healing on his skin wouldn't leave scars. She just held his slender body near to her so that the beat of her own heart echoed into him, keeping his from just quitting.
Duo didn't know how he got from the cab to this place, to the gentle rocking or the creaking of a rocker older than the colony he'd been born on. The creak of timeless comforting, worn wood on unpolished floor. The warmth and repetitive patience of her breath and comforting touches didn't exist anywhere in his world, not even with Sister Helen, really, or maybe they had. Nothing changed at all when tears pooled against his nose, soaked into the thick cotton of her mumu. Sister Helen had held him like this and he'd ruined it, destroyed her and the church and Father Maxwell, and everyone.
Dark tides rose in him. Even when he opened his eyes there was nothing except black. Endless empty worthless damnation. "Why doesn't death want me?"
The rocking didn't skip a beat, but big gentle fingers touched his tears, not to wipe them away, only to acknowledge them. "Death don't take the living."
"I'm Death," the words were acid, refined acid that etched elegantly across his tongue, "Everything I love dies."
"Who do you love?" She asked, arms wrapping around him, holding him to her, not restrictive, just getting her arms comfortable.
"Heero," Duo said, voice low, just barely a whisper, but it didn't feel like that was all, felt like half an answer, "Relena, but I don't understand. I love them, but they were supposed to be together, just them. They're the perfect couple, the shining knight and the pretty princess. I thought maybe, I could hang out and be friends too, but I'm, I don't wanna be, you know, more work."
"Your eyes."
"Yeah."
"What happened?"
"I was stupid, got caught, couldn't get away. It was a drug, gave me to make me tell them stuff and it messed up my nerves. Shoulda just killed me. Relena's so fucking stupid! She shoulda listened to me and just gotten away. Her and Heero coulda been okay and," his words turned into small whimpering sounds. Her arms tightened around him and until the sun was coming up over the trees, rudely stabbing through the slats of the shutters, she didn't say another word.
"You're being blind," she said softly, patting his cheek.
"I am blind. It ain't gonna get any better."
"I didn't mean yer eyes," she chastised. "Now you listen to me, when I was a little girl, Hawai'i belonged to the United States still and there was those that didn't want to. So we went out and voted and it was bad, people were so mad on both sides. The day we became the Independent Nation of Hawai'i, people died in the streets, on Waikiki. Mama said for me to stay home, cuz it wasn't none of my business what crazy people do, but went out anyway. To this day, I wonder why blood don't seep into the sand different than other things, go slower, or float on top like oil. Once that blood's soaked into the sand, they're ain't no way to put it back."
She shifted her weight a little and Duo sat on her lap, feeling self conscious now to be sitting on a grandmother's lap like a little kid. He let her guide his hand to her face, trace the tips of his fingers over her wrinkled and sun warmed face. Her tears felt thick and hot, and in his mind he imagined that he could see what she was talking about through them, as if touching them could transfer her memories to him. "When the Japanese came, we fought again. I was seventeen and I took to the streets though my Mama said I didn't have no place with crazy people. I lost my sight then, but I was fighting because I had learned that there's more than one way to die and the worst way is to stop believing in truth and goodness, the basic goodness in people that makes democracy work. I was chief professor of history at the Benjamin Franklin University in Honolulu for thirty years. Just because you lose your eyes does not mean that you are not strong and valuable to the ones you love. Don't belittle what you have because it's not what you planned."
"It's more than just my eyes, Grandmother," he said respectfully. "It's that I'm in love with both of'em kinda and I don't wanna see either of them sad."
He could hear the smile in her voice, "The Earth can't chose between the sun and the moon and the moon can not expect to be the sun."
Duo scratched the back of his head, wrinkling up his nose. "Is that like Taoist or something?"
She laughed, "No, it was a quote from Honey Raied. She taught philosophy. Don't you think it would be silly for the Earth to run away from the sun and the moon?"
"Yeah, but I'm not the Earth, I'm more like an asteroid that knocks everything out of orbit."
"That's a bad habit, this blaming things you don't like on yourself," she said, "It doesn't make them not happen, just makes you miserable in between. And I promise you, if your friends are worth loving, they'll be sadder with you dead, than with you loving one or the other of them."
"You think?" Duo said, thinking how obvious that was now. He sighed. "I should go home, but can I come back here if I want?"
"Of course! Any time!" She said, squeezing his arm gently, "Oh my."
"What?"
"Who's here?"
"There's someone here?"
"The moon moves silently, Duo," Heero said, voice low and lost in that wise way he had.
"Heero!" Duo hopped from Gran's lap, stumbled against the bed, and fell into Heero.
Fingers, stronger then a human's should be took hold of Duo's arms, both straightening and confining him. "Duo, don't leave me."
Such a raw admission of vulnerability shook Duo's self-pity and his feeling of worthlessness. "Heero."
Duo's finger searched up Heero's arm, to his face, seeing it brand new, in youth and worry, in the most artic of isolation. "I'll never leave you."
The embrace that Heero wrapped him in was nothing that Duo had expected, but without his sight, he saw him clearer, saw the loneliness and need that expression and competence had hidden. "I love you," Heero whispered, breath hot against Duo's ear and Duo had never seen anything clearer.
By Nix Winter
Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing.. I am working on a new original story that I own, but this isn't it. This chapter is available as an audio file. Write me and ask for it, if you'd like to listen. www.onepinkrose.com
Warnings: Um.. none that I haven't already gone by in the course of this story so far.
It wasn't nothing different for her, not really. Rocking and comforting were things she was good at doing. The boy Gripe'd brought home lay in her lap, head on her shoulder, legs trailing over the side of her lap to leave his feet on the floor. He wasn't really a boy, but she held him that way anyway, strong granny arms around him, plumb fingers keeping sweaty hair outta his face. They sat there on her rocker through the night, his braid brushing across the clean swept wood floor and her old Hawaiian songs making their own kinda perfume around them.
She didn't tell him that he'd be okay, that when he was willing to open his eyes, they'd see colors again. She didn't tell that the burns healing on his skin wouldn't leave scars. She just held his slender body near to her so that the beat of her own heart echoed into him, keeping his from just quitting.
Duo didn't know how he got from the cab to this place, to the gentle rocking or the creaking of a rocker older than the colony he'd been born on. The creak of timeless comforting, worn wood on unpolished floor. The warmth and repetitive patience of her breath and comforting touches didn't exist anywhere in his world, not even with Sister Helen, really, or maybe they had. Nothing changed at all when tears pooled against his nose, soaked into the thick cotton of her mumu. Sister Helen had held him like this and he'd ruined it, destroyed her and the church and Father Maxwell, and everyone.
Dark tides rose in him. Even when he opened his eyes there was nothing except black. Endless empty worthless damnation. "Why doesn't death want me?"
The rocking didn't skip a beat, but big gentle fingers touched his tears, not to wipe them away, only to acknowledge them. "Death don't take the living."
"I'm Death," the words were acid, refined acid that etched elegantly across his tongue, "Everything I love dies."
"Who do you love?" She asked, arms wrapping around him, holding him to her, not restrictive, just getting her arms comfortable.
"Heero," Duo said, voice low, just barely a whisper, but it didn't feel like that was all, felt like half an answer, "Relena, but I don't understand. I love them, but they were supposed to be together, just them. They're the perfect couple, the shining knight and the pretty princess. I thought maybe, I could hang out and be friends too, but I'm, I don't wanna be, you know, more work."
"Your eyes."
"Yeah."
"What happened?"
"I was stupid, got caught, couldn't get away. It was a drug, gave me to make me tell them stuff and it messed up my nerves. Shoulda just killed me. Relena's so fucking stupid! She shoulda listened to me and just gotten away. Her and Heero coulda been okay and," his words turned into small whimpering sounds. Her arms tightened around him and until the sun was coming up over the trees, rudely stabbing through the slats of the shutters, she didn't say another word.
"You're being blind," she said softly, patting his cheek.
"I am blind. It ain't gonna get any better."
"I didn't mean yer eyes," she chastised. "Now you listen to me, when I was a little girl, Hawai'i belonged to the United States still and there was those that didn't want to. So we went out and voted and it was bad, people were so mad on both sides. The day we became the Independent Nation of Hawai'i, people died in the streets, on Waikiki. Mama said for me to stay home, cuz it wasn't none of my business what crazy people do, but went out anyway. To this day, I wonder why blood don't seep into the sand different than other things, go slower, or float on top like oil. Once that blood's soaked into the sand, they're ain't no way to put it back."
She shifted her weight a little and Duo sat on her lap, feeling self conscious now to be sitting on a grandmother's lap like a little kid. He let her guide his hand to her face, trace the tips of his fingers over her wrinkled and sun warmed face. Her tears felt thick and hot, and in his mind he imagined that he could see what she was talking about through them, as if touching them could transfer her memories to him. "When the Japanese came, we fought again. I was seventeen and I took to the streets though my Mama said I didn't have no place with crazy people. I lost my sight then, but I was fighting because I had learned that there's more than one way to die and the worst way is to stop believing in truth and goodness, the basic goodness in people that makes democracy work. I was chief professor of history at the Benjamin Franklin University in Honolulu for thirty years. Just because you lose your eyes does not mean that you are not strong and valuable to the ones you love. Don't belittle what you have because it's not what you planned."
"It's more than just my eyes, Grandmother," he said respectfully. "It's that I'm in love with both of'em kinda and I don't wanna see either of them sad."
He could hear the smile in her voice, "The Earth can't chose between the sun and the moon and the moon can not expect to be the sun."
Duo scratched the back of his head, wrinkling up his nose. "Is that like Taoist or something?"
She laughed, "No, it was a quote from Honey Raied. She taught philosophy. Don't you think it would be silly for the Earth to run away from the sun and the moon?"
"Yeah, but I'm not the Earth, I'm more like an asteroid that knocks everything out of orbit."
"That's a bad habit, this blaming things you don't like on yourself," she said, "It doesn't make them not happen, just makes you miserable in between. And I promise you, if your friends are worth loving, they'll be sadder with you dead, than with you loving one or the other of them."
"You think?" Duo said, thinking how obvious that was now. He sighed. "I should go home, but can I come back here if I want?"
"Of course! Any time!" She said, squeezing his arm gently, "Oh my."
"What?"
"Who's here?"
"There's someone here?"
"The moon moves silently, Duo," Heero said, voice low and lost in that wise way he had.
"Heero!" Duo hopped from Gran's lap, stumbled against the bed, and fell into Heero.
Fingers, stronger then a human's should be took hold of Duo's arms, both straightening and confining him. "Duo, don't leave me."
Such a raw admission of vulnerability shook Duo's self-pity and his feeling of worthlessness. "Heero."
Duo's finger searched up Heero's arm, to his face, seeing it brand new, in youth and worry, in the most artic of isolation. "I'll never leave you."
The embrace that Heero wrapped him in was nothing that Duo had expected, but without his sight, he saw him clearer, saw the loneliness and need that expression and competence had hidden. "I love you," Heero whispered, breath hot against Duo's ear and Duo had never seen anything clearer.
